Am I AGP or HSTS? Don't feel like I fit the diagnostic criteria for either. Also trans books you like I guess?
-Earliest memory, sitting on the toilet looking down at penis thinking how it feels wrong & bad.
-Parents don’t enforce gender, sister/self both go through childhood enjoying boy and girl things. Figure out quick to hide girl stuff from friends/school though.
-Think about wanting to be a girl lots & fixate any time somebody transforms in a story. Watch enough Jerry Springer to know this is bad.
-First real world crush is on a girl, but celebrity crushes on guys get kept secret.
-Dad warns not to act girly at the store and see self from outside for the first time, feel deep shame.
-Get bullied a lot in elementary/middle, like severely beaten at least once a year, but I live in a rough white trash/meth neighborhood where everybody gets called a faggot and beaten up so it’s not like it’s special. Always bite/punch/kick to make sure they don’t try again, which isn’t an especially “girly” behavior.
-Huge gaps in childhood memory make recalling anything else hard.
-Discover dad’s porn and masturbated a lot. Want to stop masturbating immediately (always cry and freak out after) but have an addictive personality and can’t throw away a good reward cycle. Find out years later sister, also bi, also steals mags from dad.
-Hit puberty, became suicidal. Don’t want to/don’t know how to admit what’s wrong so come out as bi instead hoping that helps.
-Nope, still suicidal.
-Am 14. Cool older girl friend from internet suggests hook-up with mutual rl twinky guy friend. He has to look at porn of girls to get hard, which hurts a lot, then junk in his mouth feels weird and alien. Watch anime after he cums and manage to not cry until he’s asleep.
-A year later finally work up courage to tell mutual friend body feels wrong and maybe should have been a girl, but friend gets impatient, says she’s dealt with “enough identity crises lately”, turns out cool girl internet friend and guy rl friend are the same person. Feel incredibly betrayed and violated and throw gender feelings in a deep, dark place, but keep sleeping with him and never confront him because don’t want to be lonely.
-Fall in love with a girl but feelings aren’t returned.
-Talk constantly about not understanding why anybody would want to be a boy, being a boy is shit, I hate it. Don’t understand privilege or why this is a stupid thing to say yet.
-Start writing good girl names in journals, about wanting to be a mom, etc.
-Get computer and almost immediately seek out weird, upsetting porn. Pretty even mix of sexes. Pattern of masturbating and then collapsing emotionally continues. Fall into trap of identifying with women in images/movies, wishing body was like theirs, and that only makes it worse.
-Start pretending to be a girl online all the time, not sure why I want to do it and almost never doing sex stuff with it. Intense cognitive dissonance because other boys doing this hurt so much, but can’t stop.
-Suicide attempt. Doesn’t work. Family can’t afford more than two therapy sessions so nothing really comes of it.
-Diagnosed with ADHD and depression though.
-Fall in love with school’s only trans guy. Subconsciously use him as a field test, see if coming out and transitioning work for him or make him happy, and they don’t, so go even further back in closet. Doesn’t help he identifies as gay and only likes the boy parts.
-Junior year: Develop an eating disorder, restricting to 250 - 500 calories a day without really meaning to or understanding why. 5’6”, drop down from 160lbs to close to 100 within a couple months. Family is worried but won’t talk about it and we’re poor so no therapy.
-See self in mirror while on family vacation and realize look like a girl with long hair and skinny body. Cry about it and feel confused a lot, and don’t remember feeling horny about it.
-Get big into punk and emo music (it was 2004), seeing guys like Gerard Way as a kind of almost doable masculinity, can wear makeup/nail polish which is nice. Start self-medicating with weed/liquor/cigarettes a lot.
-Graduate with good grades/scholarships/grants and go to school even though family is poor. Major in writing and minor in women’s studies. Read S.C.U.M. Manifesto as part of second semester class and get fucked up over it. First two years see a succession of hookups and short, passionless relationships with an even mix of guys and girls. Incredibly high sex drive keeps sex happening even though it’s miserable, though bottoming is least upsetting way to do it.
-Year 3 get bored and go to spectrum meeting. Meet a couple of trans girls at the meeting who seem happy enough for stressed out undergrads, don’t necessarily pass but they’re pretty and nice and have a lot of friends.
-Realize being trans doesn’t have to make you miserable or lonely and you can transition and still be happy.
-Cry a lot.
-Come out to new trans friends, who are explicitly hesitant to encourage but supportive when needed and good friends in general.
-Not sure if want to transition but just happy to finally accept and understand this part of self, think of being trans as a kind of neurological intersex condition though never describe it that way out loud for fear of offending intersex person or getting side-eye from other feminists.
-Graduate. Move to a big city to try and transition, or at least feel out transitioning, far away from home and people who knew boy self, but have trouble moving psych med prescriptions over and without them everything is almost impossible. Crash and burn.
-Move home. Try and kill self again. Get job with friend of family at his body shop working with exclusively macho dudes, first real “guy” job ever. Miserable and bad.
-Eventually get job at cool punk rock/hipster bar where nobody bats an eye over long hair, nail polish, or some makeup. Use that pay and advances on some freelance projects to finally go to therapy.
-Therapist tells about trans support grou, but meeting the dysfunctional, unself-aware people there has the reverse effect of going to spectrum in college, feel doomed to misery and loneliness. But clock is ticking, and will kill self if not on HRT by 30th birthday.
-Therapy takes too long and resent being told what to do so self med for a little while without telling him. Quickly feel better, like a fog has been lifted and body is a part of self instead of separate thing. Quit again after like two months over health concerns.
-Eventually get diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder.
-Doctor refers to an endo, get on correct doses of HRT under supervision and feel even better.
-Really obsessed with passing at first, wear breast inserts and full makeup everywhere, never talk so nobody hears voice, get job at call center as way to practice voice with constant feedback since can’t afford voice therapy.
-Don’t look at porn or feel compelled to masturbate and feel more comfortable and present when having sex, which is nice.
-Really stressed for a while because won’t ever be able to afford srs or ffs, and facial hair keeps growing back even after lots of sessions of laser, not to mention gaining weight again because psych finally got diagnosis right (bipolar) and meds do that.
Why are TERFs against hormone treatment for gender dysphoria even when no social transition is involved?
What would you do if this happened to you
anyone else find themselves really resenting men after coming out/starting to transition?
not to say I roll all men into the same camp but douche/ignorant/basic/masculine men make me extremely irritated.
I'm only 3 months into hrt but I'm quite obviously a least a fag and whenever I see these guys in public/on the train
I just get really uncomfortable, way more so than before coming out.
that said I want nothing more than a strong tall dude to hold me close and squeeze me~<3
It makes sense, you are jealous they were successful at something you failed to be (a man) and now you are going to try to be something you can't (a woman). Being butthurt is pretty expected from a failure.
Your thoughts on this, babies? Do you like shitskins kissing your feet and praising you for being a white god?
>get sucked into a cult of other crazies
>be convinced that cutting off your penis will end your crazy woes
>now have to live with a horribly crude imitation of a vagina
>"sex" is your partner inserting their penis into your open surgical wound that barely has any feeling
>your day to day life now consists of dealing with never ending body horror as you need to stir your surgical wound periodically to prevent it from closing
>the totality of your situation now dawns on you
>you've permanently destroyed your body, to the point that its not even recognizably human, it doesn't even function
>decide to die because the gravity of this is too great to bear
>cult of crazies still blame your attempted suicide on "transphobia"
Hi this is a serious question.
I know we look at the science behind hons. they are unfortunate attempts at passing that may have failed due to genetics, age and/or in general ignorance of how the opposite gender behaves.
I feel like we should discuss just how much each of these factors actually play in the making of a Hon.
Looking at several different hons on Susan's and here I feel as though many "Hons" don't actually understand how fashion and makeup or just being a woman really works. really just caking lipstick and bad eyeliner on their faces and wearing some odd outfits. Do you feel like these hons would be better off if they took the time to learned how to better their appearance and take care of themselves?
It only takes a video or two- and there are serval about how to manage your hair and use proper makeup. even if you cant afford surgery you can learn how girls mastered hiding these things though clothes and hairstyles
In Ancient Greece, effeminate men were used as sexual bottoms. This has happened throughout history.
My question is, have any of these effeminate sluts ever risen to power?
I ask because I have some effeminate features and also am attracted to masculine power sometimes and feel like being feminine for them.
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How is everyone's day?
Just vaping myseld into oblivion.
Broken toe is looking better.
>someone cut my disgusting feet off. My legs and butt are nice for a chunky girl but my feet just ruin it
It's mu fault, threw a kick wrong and didn't get the pad of my foot forward and my toes up in time. Was under a lot of pressure at the time because this Rottweiler came out of literally no where, no warning snarl, while I was in a yelling match with a dude who hadn't had any dogs last week.
Startled the fuck out of me.
That scuffle is why my forehead is scratched too.
How/where do you get an Asian bf who looks like this? Should you move to Australia or Canada?
did any of you have them?
i remember being alone together with my male cousin (im mtf now) who was pretty much my age and we'd get naked and feel each other's bodies and feel really super fucking aroused together and we knew it was a thing that we shouldnt tell anyone about
i remember being under the blanket with him and he just popped a kiss on my lips out of the blue
we were like 6-8 years old
still confuses me and im like what the fuck? anyone else have similar experiences?
why are so many trannies into computer programming?
...asking for a friend..
It's a well-paying job (transition is expensive) with a typically positive hiring/HR environment for transgenders. It's also a job where your mind is far more important than your outwards appearance, and has little to no interaction with clients/customers (depending on your role).
Also, tends to employ mainly well educated individuals who will tend to be less bigoted because of their experiences and intelligence. It helps that a lot of the jobs are also in California, which is one of the most accepting places to live for transgenders.
Consent is important.
It's way more fun when you ask her to stop and she says 'no', slaps you around, calls you names...
I need an answer of certified hsts.
Also, how would you describe your your attraction to guys? What makes you attracted to them, is it more their bodies or more how they act and all the less visual stuff?