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You have been entered into a life and death battle with the Urumi

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Thread replies: 186
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You have been entered into a life and death battle with the Urumi master, pictured.

You have a choice of two melee weapons to fight him with.

Which do you choose?
>>
10' pike.
>>
>>25522193

Motherfucking halbred
>>
>>25522183
Halberd
hatchet
>>
Spear.
>>
rifle with a bayonet
>>
An Obrez.

Yes, as a melee weapon.
>>
Hatchet and hatchet
Throw those fuckers, wing it from there
>>
Does a chained Kama with a weight on the end count as 1 melee weapon?

how about a lance and a net?
>>
Net and trident duh
>>
Electrified polearm
>>
Lightsaber
>>
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I saw this being used. Apparently blocking with your own weapon is useless because the blade will bend and still going to hit you anyway and you may end up either getting scratches or getting your vein cut and died of bleeding

Worse, they adept with using the same...uhh, sword with both of their hands. They don't seems to have any weakspot and the blade is light enough (light=less torque)that they could recover from failed attack.

I usually just gonna say katana and wakizashi, but seeing at how they fight, I might as well as put on the armor and get the longest lance I could get my hands on
>>
A katana forged from superior nippon steel that has been folded over a thousand times.
>>
>>25522183
A mosin with bayonet (and no ammo, therefore melee)
>>
>>25522183
A shotgun.
Fuck your rules
>>
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And probably a matching spatula.
>>
>>25522183
A truck. And a lance just in casr
>>
All he has is two stupid ass whips?

Ill take a broken vodka bottle and a cigar.
>>
a very long pike, maybe with a axe on the tip
Like this guy
>>25522199
>>
>>25523962
thin metal ribbons with razor sharp edges.
>>
>>25522183
1. Any polearm of sufficient length to outreach his weapons.

2. Spiked shield, because why the fuck not.
>>
Chainsaw and cut down all his habitat
>>
shark suit and mace
>winrar
>>
>>25524054
kekked hard
>>
Spear
Small sword at my side
>>
>>25524030
>>25522193
>>25522199

>polearms

Only useful in formation.

Sword and shield, especially shield.
>>
Is a bear considered a melee weapon?
>>
>>25524116

hi there Sithe
>>
>>25522183
tower shield, spear, xiphos

Steel cuirass, chainmail everywhere else, hunker down, let him tire from dashing his cute slicing weapons against my superior armor and shield. corner him or just get close enough to skewer him with spear.
>>
>>25523962
don't forget the tracksuit
>>
>>25522183
A reverse blade katana.

the principal forge, of course.
>>
>>25522939
This. Both are plausibly useful against those things but honestly without body armor and/or half a decade of training going up against someone who can consistently use TWO Urumis without harming themselves is suicide. The guys who learn to use them spend half a decade before they are even allowed to pick one up, if you try to use one without knowing how you are basically attempting to kill yourself.
>>
>>25522183
In full chainmail with two flanged maces and some crystal meth, it'll be a bloodbath.
>>
A bayonet with a rifle attached

It's technically not a melee weapon because the rifle is just an attachment.
>>
A pair of stockings
>>
>>25524030
Some of those whip swords are 20-25 feet long.
>>25524055
This would work, but i don't think armor counts as a melee weapon.

HOWEVER, if the armor IS a weapon you might squeak by the "Melee weapon part. I'd chose the Shredders armor from TNMT (it's technically a weapon) and a spiked mancatcher. He would probably still kill me but i figure i might either snag him or get lucky and be able to tackle him while only getting moderately maimed.
>>
>>25524147
He'll just wrap it over and slice the fuck out of your head and back, stabbing him with a 12 foot pike is the only answer.
>>
>>25524399

he'll simply grab the shaft near the front and you'll lose your weapon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqImVjCz8uA

Shields work, you're just ignorant.
>>
>>25522183
I choose no weapon. However I choose for the fight to be held in a 3 foot by 3 foot closet.

Your move whip man.
>>
A six foot pole mace with an electro magnetic inside.
>>
A claymore sword and a kukri.
>>
>>25522183
Two tomahawks, throw them both at him.
>>
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>>25522183
this bad boy.
>>
I don't get it, why not just get a long spear and skewer the guy?
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMz_Z0Xq-2I

Fuck this I'm bringing a fucking Remington 700
>>
>>25522183
>>25524430
A 12 foot pole with a tazer on the end. wrap wire around the shaft at the end and attach that to the tazer so he can't grab it. On the other end of the shaft is a spike for stabbing through his head when the tazer knocks his ass down. Checkmate whipnigger.
>>
javelins and a bunch of throwing hatchets.
fuck getting close to this dude
>>
>>25524523
When the tazer hits his shoe and he takes off running, do you get to use your pistol for the killshot?
>>
>>25524441
>The whip man enters the closet
>There are dragon dildos glued to the walls and floor
>I am nude and rubbing olive oil on my erect nipples while moaning
>"Your move Mister Whip Man! "
>>
>>25524487
He has a 8-9 foot reach and has 2 of the damn things not to mention has spent about half his life training to murder people with spears. Basically if you can't get him with your first thrust you are dead.

The problem is not so much the weapons he has (which are bad enough) but that he is skilled enough to actually use them. They are absurdly dangerous for anyone but the most skilled user to wield, simple proficiency in them presupposes an alarming amount of martial arts training.
>>
>>25524653
I just have to train hard in spear thrusting then.

Spear just has more reach and the whip isn't really a good counter to a long-reach thrusting weapon like the spear.
>>
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>>25524054
>>
>>25524653
He can't push away a spear with a whip, so I'll just shove my tazer-on-a-stick™ into him and the kill him as he lays on the ground.
>>
>>25524523
a taser is not a melee weapon.

if you are making the common mistake of confusing a stun gun and a TASER, the stun gun still wouldn't work because stun guns achieve their objective through pain compliance. they do not produce the neuromuscular incapacitation characteristic of actual tasers.
>>
>>25524638
Joey T?
>>
>>25522183
machete and pcp. Steel whips are ineffective as fuck at causing anything but superficial trauma
>>
Two big rocks. Then I can throw the rocks at him and run like hell.
>>
>>25522183
I choose two urumi.
>mfw I am the urumi master
>>
>>25522183
Considering I'm 6'2" and 190 lbs, that guy probably won't be able to do some sort of disarm. With that in mind, something like a zweihänder or an odachi would probably be best.
>>
>>25524669
It's not a whip, it is a flexible sword.
>>25524691
He can sure as fuck push it away, entangle or wrap around a spear. And he's got two of them.

Not saying they are invincible but you really only get one shot at it, they are designed to beat swords and a whole lot else besides. They really are (in the hands of a skilled user) one of the worst things a single person could go up against on open ground without full body armor.

Mind you if you have armor or fight the guy indoors or in any kind of confined place you are probably going to do just fine, they are damn near useless without space to wield them.
>>
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>>25524714
I know the difference, I would use a taser without the cartridge, so it would be a melee weapon and you'd get dat incapacitation.
>>25524829
>Push it away
Can't do that with a whip
>entangle it
Great, I just push it into him

Taser spear is supreme weapon for supreme leader.
>>
>>25522183
An ak with two bayonets
>>
>>25524430
>>25524489

Eh... any videos where it isn't a choreographed sparring? I mean, yeah, it looks dangerous but all the stuff around it sounds like "A True Samurai can cut a single grain of rice as it falls through the air!" type bullshit.
>>
>>25522183

Chainsaw
Item 2 not required
>>
>>25523588
>Urumi

They're basically useless against chain mail.

Protip, slashing weapons suck dick against any type of armor.

Shark suit, Gladius.

Go in there, stab his shit up.
>>
I'm losing faith in my /k/ommandos! A dragon dildo, and furry costume. I'll blend in with the wild life, and dildo him when he's off guard.
>>
truck & hammer.

its a melee weapon if I hit you with it, right?
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFu11mSutd0

Those look impressive and all but remember they're pretty thoroughly defeated by any kind of armor.
>>
>>25525008
Assuming you actually build it, yes you win. Mostly for drawing that but also because it would work.

IF YOU BUILD IT.

Your quest /k/omrad is as follows:
Taser baton ($25)+fiberglass extension pole($20)+spearhead ($15)=Taser spear.

$60 on amazon, buy the supplies, manufacture the taser spear and prove yourself greater than the Master.
>>
>>25525008

You still are not understanding tasers. A taser without a cartridge is just a stun gun.

The reason tasers incapacitate is because the probes impact on different parts of the body and cause the muscles in between the probes to involuntarily contract.

The stun gun/taser drive stun only causes pain in the area it is applied.
>>
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>>25525756
WHAT NOW FAGGOT
>>
>>25525008
+50 for drawing anon
>>
>>25522183
Unloaded gun
Loaded mag
>>
>>25525787

Actually not so bad as long as there is about a foot an a half between your probes. Just be aware he can start moving the moment you stop shocking him so you gotta be fast with the rear spike.
>>
>>25526174
Trident with a spear head between two stun points.
>>
A 7" knife with a shield. Takin this fight to the ground, bitch.
>>
With numchucks it'd be over too quickly. Get me 3 ninja stars and a blindfold.
>>
>>25522183

Have to go with a halberd and either a spiked Targe shield or big knife.
>>
>>25525834

Congratulations, you find yourself with an unloaded 1911 and a FAL mag
>>
>>25526414
You only need to hit him once, and you can make a .308 fit well enough.
>>
A spear, with a small pressure pad replacing the head, the shaft is hollow and filled with c1
Its still melee if it has to hit him with blunt force and or be thrown right?
>>
>>25522183
Lightsaber and a sheild
>>
Well only weapons I've trained with have been with the bo staff while doing Shotoan and the qiang spear heavily when learning Baji quan, I'm pretty sure I could wreck them with the spear, not too sure about the staff tbh.

video related he's flashy as fuck but that level of speed is not that hard to get to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRCBi1xfoj4
>>
>>25522183
two shields

no for srs, I'd just spear tackle the guy and beat him down with the rim
>>
>>25522183
Ok, you got me here.

I'm a bit of a rapier fanboy and I like to claim that one on one, the rapier and main gauche will trump any other medieval melee weapon, as long as there's sufficient room to use it and armor is out of the equation.

I wouldn't be sure about a rapier's chances against that thing, though. From the few videos I could find, it looks like there are openings a fencer could take advantage of, but I don't know how good they were.

I would choose a spear about as long as I am tall. Use some quarterstaff techniques, try to get the urumi to wrap around it, or take him out at the knees when he backswings. I'd want a buckler on my other arm, and a dagger in my belt so if the spear got tied up I could close in and use that.
>>
>>25522183
An 8' spear and a tower shield
>>
>>25522183
2 of these, 1 to throw
>>
Cattle prod and stick, both things I picked up during previous threads about what I'd use against a certain opponent. They were literally just lying around.

I USE Cattle prod WITH stick

Item Added: Mancooker
>>
>>25522183
A blanket covered in smallpox
>>
A baseball bat and a sack of baseballs. A sack of baseballs is a melee weapon, after all. What I do with it once I'm in the ring is up to me, so if I open it and put a line drive in his gut, that's my business.

Or a 12'-15' bullwhip with barbs on the popper and a sword to finish him
>>
>>25522183
tower shield and a spatha/longsword.

soak up strikes on the shield and close the range, keep closing and gut the fucker
>>
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Ok so lurking through this thread and I can't help but notice that I keep asking myself this question-

What is with the East and dancing around like faggots with exotic weapons considered training?

They end up just completely fucking up in war compared to the west. The west makes practical things like armor weapons, siege machines, unit tactics etc.

I know the east is cool and all but they really need to stop with this shit if they want to win anything.

I remember watching this video about a chinese military tank group having an exercise where their tanks would drive around and catch tiny rings around their barrels and go "well this will be useful when american piggu comes".
>>
>>25527817
It's about the discipline. The specific exercises aren't viable in combat, but having the ability to do the fancy dancing moves and shit translates pretty well to combat. The only problem being that, if they concentrated too much on just the ceremonial movements, they can fall into them in combat, rather than apply the skills and movements in appropriate ways. EX, training movements are A-B-C-B, they automatically use the full A-B-C-B combo, when with the way their opponent is moving, A-C-B-A would work better.
>>
>>25524147
pikes are only useful in formation, all the other polearms are extremely effective even in 1v1
>>
>>25527817
It's a form of saber rattling. Nations like China demonstrate their perceived military prowess in other ways, since they know their hardware can't stand up to anything the West has to offer. Though the PLA may not have the best tanks or air craft, their annual national day parades display admirable levels of precision and skill.
>>
Dual purple double sided dildos. I wave them at him, that's the signal for my hommie to snipe the goatfucker.
>>
>>25524638
You forgot to put the G-string on backwards
>>
>>25527894
So basically they need to get over the drone mentality that can come from following training a little too closely. Which is where simulation would come into play putting what they were taught into practice.

Am I about half right?
>>
>>25524721
>steel whips cause only superficial trauma
>what is the brachial artery
>what is the radial artery
>what is the carotid artery
>what is the jugular vein
>what are tendons
you are going to die in a massive pool of your own blood while a man with 2 whips laughs at the utter lack of machete related problems he has.
>>
>>25527320
i laughed so hard i almost shit myself
>>
Fuck you
>>
blanket with smallpox
>>
>>25528154
>>25527320
>>
>>25525008
nice drawing
>>
>>25528084
That's about it. Training forms teach you the right way to hold, move, angle etc the weapon, simulation training teaches you to use what you learned in a way that makes you not a [weapon]robot.
>>
>>25528084
>>25528297
It's basically the same way they teach most martial arts (to my knowledge) are taught. Class-type teaching specific techniques, then sparring once you've learned it well enough. The class-teaching-style is used to showcase weapons/martial arts because they're fairly universal (and flashy enough to look real impressive.)
>>
If you don't mind me pretty much cheating, I'd take a couple javelins. If I can't peg him with one, I guess I'll get chased down and die like a bitch.

For the most realistic way to win, I suppose you'd need a very long pike and a lot of luck, or some sort of gigantic but light tower shield. These would have never been made because what sort of major power routinely fought motherfuckers like this?!

But if I can design any low-tech melee devices to fight him, I'd pick a gigantic tower shield made of the lightest lacquered wood reasonable for defense, and a short-sword. The tower shield would have to basically be a larger medieval riot shield. It'd need some sort of "overhang" to protect your head, and if you raised it, off come your footsies. I reckon you'd have to have a vision-slit.

An unarmoured opponent against this motherfucker with your restrictions is almost surely gonna lose. I had to make some mostly-fictional ubershield to even have a shot.
>>
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i'd use a polehammer because its my favorite weapon
>>
>>25522183
I choose a Mosin Nagant with a bayonet and a box of 7.62x54mmR.
>>
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>>25528361
How do you feel about awlpikes?
>>
>>25522183
Long pointy stick.

I'll fuck that lil bitch up.
>>
>>25528369


i think they're neat and better than a spear but i don't like them as much as pollaxes/lucerne hammers, i really like the combination of a striking point, a hook, and a spike
>>
forgot my image
>>
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>implying armor isn't a weapon
I would choose something like battlerager armor. Heavy armor covered in spikes and sharp edges.
Then I choose a lighter.
>put on armor
>buy gasoline (attendant is so intimidated he gives me a free slim jim)
>drive to fight
>bullrush him, hug him, and shake like a mentally handicapped stripper on PCP
>follow with a few swift kicks to the head
>use lighter and gasoline to offer his body as a burnt offering to Loki

>>25528139
mah nigga
>>
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bonus pollaxe


i have a knight boner
>>
I'll take the same 2 things he has. Let's make this fair.
>>
Man, I'd be pretty dead pretty soon if I started fucking with a master of ANY weapon, let alone this crazy-ass thing I've never heard of before.
>>
>>25528383
Ah, then you'd be a fan of the bec de corbin, or crow's beak!

I like it a lot myself.
>>
>>25528420

you would be correct
>>
>>25524235
this.

i forgot about that guy lol
>>
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>>25528488
oops forgot pic.
>>
rheinmetal 120mm w/ bayonet. L7 could work, in a pinch
>>
>>25526359
Haha my nigga.
>>
>>25522183
Dragon dildo
>>
>>25528420
Bec de corbins look cool and seem like a great concept, but they're so fucking hard to aim with that you practically need to be a ninja master just to do anything with it.

I'm a big fan of halberds, bills and glaives because of their bigger cutting surface.
>>
>>25524168
>A bear
>Year of our lord 1911+104
>Not using a lance with bear tied on the end.
Do you even http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Simsilikesims/List_of_melee_weapons_that_don%27t_exist,_but_should
>>
>>25524812
Considering he's spent most of his life training to master himself and his weapons and you've held a sword probably no more than 15 minutes your entire life, nah.

This fucker has a thousand times more training and experience than anyone on /k/, let's not delude ourselves. We'd make a rookie mistake within the first 15 seconds and die.
>>
>>25528675
>15 seconds
That would actually be a really long fight.
>>
>>25528682
It's quite possible he could mistake our retarded movement pattern as some sort of unknown martial art and therefore approach cautiously.

It might take him a whole 15 seconds to figure out that we're complete amateurs and it's not an elaborate ruse.
>>
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>>25528692
>>25528682

i don't know if i'm delirious from sleep deprivation or that was genuinely funny but god damn.
>>
A stick with some sausage and a knife, get that fucker when he's eating
>>
pic related and a dagger
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMz_Z0Xq-2I

Well, damn. I thought it was something cumbersome and awkward, but as ti turns out it's pretty fucking flexible and agile. I can only imagine what multiple blades would do.
>>
Literally any gun
>>
>>25522183
Tomahawk
>>
>>25522183
Big fucking shield and a pole arm,
>>
>>25522183
My melee weapon would be...A NARROW HALLWAY. Seriously. Its a dangerous, offensive-only weapon that needs space. Dude would probably cap himself if he had to maneuver close quarters.
>>
>>25528846
And then you die anyway because you're fighting a lifetime martial artist. He had to train for years of unarmed combat before he even started learning how to use his crazy whip shit.

This is why this thread is so one-sided. /k/ can barely be trusted to defend themselves with a gun, much less an inferior weapon. Look at the sort of people on /k/, throw them in a pit with any real trained fighter and they're going to get their shit pushed in.
>>
>>25528860
Don't underestimate the power of retard strength
>>
>>25528573
consider spetums. It's designed so that if you miss a vital part, you can still cut a limb or two.
>>
>>25528870
You may have a point, at least he'd die too. The narrow hallway means that if you collapse on him he'll have nowhere to crawl out and will eventually suffocate from the weight.

Anybody have the webm where a boxer gets accosted by 6 or 7 thugs on the street? He fucks all their shit up and comes out no worse for wear. That's the sort of thing I expect would happen if /k/ ever fought this guy.
>>
>>25522183
PCP and a motherfucking bat
>>
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>>25524054
>>
>>25524721
>>25528914
drug mind
You're not getting though this without taking damage, might as well go full berserk
>>
>>25526551
Are you an stupid?
>>
>>25525234
It would be pretty dangerous to spar with those things. Even if they weren't. Maybe with rubber swords it might be possible. I too would like to see it.
>>
>>25522183
Do I have to be naked?

Because I'd be wearing riot gear or a full biking suit+crash helmet then

oh, and a sledgehammer

Else, polearm
>>
>>25522183
Two glocks.
>>
>>25529033
You suck at choosing armor and melee weapons. A sledge hammer?
>>
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>>25524054
>>25524054
my sides
>>
>>25523954
>tfw no truck jousting
This should DEFINITELY become a thing
>>
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+5 chaos zwiehander is the only answer
>>
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A big fucking sword
>>
>>25522183
>it's a really fucking fancy cat o' nine tails
I'll take a fucking pocket knife. And a set of plate mail. Then just walk up and shank his ass.
>>
>>25524441
He'd probably still kick your ass, they train for a while in other kinds of fighting too.
>>
>>25528410
You'll kill yourself before he kills you with a pair of those nigga.
>>
>>25529263
Yes, but the bloodstains will be visible from space.
>>
Spear and shield, or if you consider armor a weapon, some padded jack/brigandine. Those weapons are made to wound, and against any kind of armor, they would fall short.

Exotic weapons are often for exotic circumstances; against more general use soldiery, they often fall short.
>>
>>25529323
Why would you intentionally choose inferior armour?

If you get to wear armour, just do this:
>>25529208
>>
>>25529331
You wouldn't need much to make the weapon in question useless; and I'm a poorfag, so I was going within my budget.

I seriously want a good set of custom fitted brigandine...

Anyone know a good place to get a set? I dont want crazy materials; just something period accurate to mid 15th century for someone better off than peasantry, but not rich enough to afford plate.
>>
Whatever passes for a high grade defolitant these days
>>
>>25529367
I'm less worried about the weapon itself than I am about the man who's done nothing but hand to hand combat training for 20 years.
>>
>>25522183
I would beat the shit out of those skinny fat niggers just using my bare hands. They can prance around in loin clothes and doing some gay dancing with tinfoil swords, they stand no chance against me.
>>
>>25529398
That's why I'd want a spear. Regardless of material prowess, speed and reach give me an advantage which should not be discounted.

Doubly so since I know enough about how to use a spear to tip that balance. His weapon is useless against my armor, my spear likes biting his flesh and can move from mid to long melee faster than he can move his body.
>>
>>25522183
A plate armor suit made for hand to hand. Sharp spikes and blades all over, especially in probable contact points for hand to hand.

Feet are well spiked, razors on the shins, wrist mounted knife blade, spiked backhand and elbows, claws on the fingers, spiked knee caps, razors lining the inner arms (death by hug), razors on the back and other points that would make it a bitch to grapple and risky to try and punch/kick/whatever. Seal any gaps with chainmail, kevlar, or strong leather while having polycarb lenses protecting the eyes/face and your primary weapon/armor is ready to roll.

On top of that bring a good polearm with a slashy stabby tip or something you can use to tangle or interfere with his blade like a trident.

Using a spear against a guy who has no shield is not that hard, especially if you'r a walking tank. Ether go nuts and just keep stabbing or wait for the ideal moment to gut him with a good slash or stab. Even if he "disarms" you you can still beat him to death seeing as how your suit is a weapon augmenting hand to hand fighting. Unless you're REALLY bad at fighting you're set.

Since the guy you're fighting is OP's pic (the guy with no protective clothing what so ever) he basically can't really touch you aside from his weapons without getting hurt.
>>
>>25529783
Just curious, where did you get your spear training? I wasn't aware any military in the world still used spears.
>>
>>25529799
HEMA. I'm a total noob at it, but even then, a noob like me with a spear can give a very skilled swordsman a right cunt of a time.

Its actually a great way to get a better feel for sword techniques if you are stuck. They hand you a spear and have you spar with a few more experienced guys to get a better feel of the limitations and rhythm of the sword.
>>
>>25524235
Muh kenshin vs cho. He didn't use one in the live action film which kind of dissapointed me
>>
>>25529799
There are plenty of groups that are entirely based around melee fighting. HEMA groups, SCA, Belegarth, all sorts.

Just make sure you don't pick a namby pamby LARP groups where a light touch is acceptable and they cry if you really lay into'em.
>>
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>>25522183
Shield and spear. If spears aren't allowed, shield and gladius.
>>
Does a shield count as a weapon?

If it does, shield and chainsaw all day
>>
>>25529897
If not then put a spike on it for shield bashing use.
>>
Ya'll retards saying shield, this weapon was practically MEANT for fucking shields. It'll just whip right around your shield and fuck either you or at least your arm.
>>
>>25528101
>what is covering 21 feet in .4 seconds and macheteing him to death with a few minor surface wounds

real life isn't some fucking anime bullshit where super master whipman can mary sue his whip into the few arteries that still take minutes to make a man bleed out while whispering "heh, nothing personal kid"

the answer is to drug up to ignore the pain, cover up to protect the face, wear a winter coat, and bullrush the fucker.

All offense, no defense is a bad policy when the other person also goes full offense with a more effective weapon.
>>
File: bhbb.png (50KB, 1638x884px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Naked, 2 block of jello
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>>25530001
I'm autistic, so i'll point out that your numbers are bullshit.

Yes, we've all heard of the 21 foot rule. No, it doesn't magically allow you to teleport 21 feet. It takes people in great shape nearly 4 times that long. you're suggesting that, in under half a second, from a dead start, you can run faster than the fastest human sprinter who ever lived. okay.

/autism
>>
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>>25522183
I only need one weapon...
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>>25530067
measure out 21 feet, find a non fat friend, then clock him moving 7 yards. He's going to cover that distance in well under a second from a dead start. I don't care how WOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL mary sue steel whip guy is, a few superficial cuts to someone on bath salts doesn't win out against taking a machete to the clavicle, followed by a dozen more rage fueled machete strikes.

besides, literally any clothing heavier than a light jacket will make his weapon a glorified S&M toy.

>machete
>bmx armor
>pcp
>IT'S ON WHIPLORD
>>
>>25530162
You think someone can come from a dead stop to 36 mph in under half a second.

Usail bolt's top speed, that is, the fastest speed he ever got even after having come up to speed, was under 38 mph, and he was only able to maintain that speed for a second and a half.
>>
>>25530227
Fuck, i can't type for shit. That should ahve read:

>Usain bolt's top speed, that is, the fastest speed he ever got even after having come up to speed, was under 28 mph, and he was only able to maintain that speed for a second and a half.
>>
>>25530235
>>25530227
So, ignoring the machete guy and swordwhip BDSM native guy, what you're saying is, if you want to move as fast as Usain Bolt, buy a Nissan Micra?
>>
>>25530266
Can I choose the Nissan as my melee weapon? That should simplify things.

And being as how he and all his non-fat friends can do the 21 foot sprint faster than olympic-tier athletes, better not ignore him.

>This is a picture of a steak
>select all steaks
>picture of a roast, have to click on it
Goddamn it google, you're triggering my autism too.
>>
>>25522183
My 1911, I'll pistol whip the son of a bitch.
>>
>>25522183
just watched some folks fighting with those things... shit...

I'll take a neodymium magnetic shield and a baseball bat.
>>
>>25530227
>>25530235
>high test autism.jpg
>omg shitlord it would take 3/4 of a second, not half a second to bullrush someone at 20ft!
>inb4 people can't sprint at 20mph
>inb4 whip guy can manage to cause complete debilitating harm and not just cut up melee guys off arm and sides before taking a claw hammer to the face.
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