ITT we swat-proof a house, nothing outright malicious because

Also hallways built to only let one person through at a time

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/thread

>>22450787
Was hoping for new stuff

Life sized dolls of women and children that bleed and fall when shit hooked up to Automatic pop-up targets

Dogshit all over the floor, a powerfull electro magnet in the hallway.
Hot oil from the top of the stairs.

>>22450810
How about Chris dorner cut outs that pop up

>>22450852
What's the magnet for?

Remote activated oil slick right in front of the door that also releases caltrops

A second door made from steel connected to a steel frame

Secure windows

Done.

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ever try breaching a door going 65mph?

check and mate

>>22450881
How about a house on 90 foot poles

>>22450852
you forgot the henway

Motion activated concentrated poison ivy spray
I'm talking drenching levels so it seeps through their clothes

>>22450868
guns are made of steel, electro magnets will take their guns

>>22450772

>ITT we swat-proof a house

You mean delaying the inevitable.

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check mate

>>22450772
Add SWAT teams to your tumblr trigger list and write to your local congressman.

Radar targeted automatic doughnut launcher

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>>22450889
you'll get this for your efforts

>>22450906
Just one they'd eventually break down.
Better yet, do like 10 layers of those progressively getting narrower and harder to fit into as you go along until they're forced to remove their gear to fit through the <1 foot opening.

>>22450772
Canadian gooses everywhere. Why we fear them we may never know but if it chases them all over the house it will be a simble of hope for everyone

>>22450932
You could go full Maxwell Smart on them:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kv3kcnI72Ec

Super high voltage (100s of kv) leads coming out of the walls that arc onto their guns and mags and grenades and set them off

>>22450772
Hang several hundred Neodymium Magnets from the ceiling at varying heights.

>swat guy runs in
>all his metal stuff is covered in dozens of magnets that are very hard to remove

Hell, you might even be able to cause their guns to jam.

>>22450932
>>22450906

>Implying they wouldn't just create another breach. Through the middle of your living room wall.

Does everyone in this thread live in fortified underground bunkers?

>>22450958
Even if you removed them it can still jam because some magnitism remains

>>22450963
Not the he goose guy

>>22450978
I don't mean from magnetism. I mean the magnet will physically obstruct the gun from cycling.

>>22450963
>walls are filled with tannerite

>>22450996
Magnified metal shavings everywhere

>>22450990

Probably the most terrifying defense posted thus far.

>>22450996
I think the magnitizm will affect the bolt assembly but that's my opinion until proven otherwise

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>>22450932
>Just one they'd eventually break down.

once they enter your house you start shooting them, then after the raid is aborted you peacefully surrender to whatever standoff unit arrives thereafter. your actions will have been justified under castle law.

>>22451019

>Your house is now gone.

>>22451023
Great idea, but it needs a delivery system.

>>22451038
>implying your house wouldn't get burned to the ground by a "flashbang" during the raid

>>22451032
It wouldn't be nearly strong enough. Also, the striking impacts of the gun cycling and heat would demagnetize it almost immediately.

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>>22450772
At the end of a hallway, a large room. The door opens into the large room......

>>22451062
modified confetti launchers hooked up to motion sensors

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnslSas5ZOQ

first floor has a break away floor. anyone who steps on it breaks through into a ball pit 20 feet blow with no way out unless you got rope or ladder.

Attic ladder in the garage and a false wall provide access to the second floor and finished attic space, you will actually live in.

A camera system so that you can watch the fun. Low resolution FLIR on the cameras to track people. Sliding bars over archways so that you can secure yourself. Panic buttons, and automatic detection of the door being broken.

Psychological devices: strobe lights, distracting moving lights (like a disco ball), human-shaped balloons, fog, body-tracking laser pointers, gunfire sounds, ambient sound, voice recordings of people talking/shouting/etc.

Tear gas. Trip wire. A system in the vents to fill the entire room with the smell of vomit combined with recording of people vomiting so that all the SWAT puke in their face masks.

Haunted by Dorner's Poltergeist
High powered induction coils
Flock of enraged Canadian Geese
Legos all over the floor
Pykrete construction
Rolling down the highway

seems like a good start.

>>22450787
you can't /thread your own post.

>>22450772
>2 Liters filled with acid glued to the ceiling
>Hicock45 300 yards away with a Glock 26 and a pair of binoculars, looking in through the window

>>22451096
I hope you also have durable windows and walls, because that's where they're going next

>>22450772
A few gallons of gasoline, propane canisters spread around the house and an escape tunnel.

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>>22451123
>Not having compressed cast iron tempered steel bars on your windows

>>22450870
>Caltrops
Not Legos

>>22450915
Underrated post.

>>22451112
>Pykrete construction
>Rolling down the highway

Project Habakuk lives!

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get a Kilo submarine and turn it into a house boat.

small enough to major rivers and lakes too.

>>22451062
Fill balloons with hydrogen. Cover balloons with magnified metal bits. Make sure they're just heavy enough to fall. Put them in a balloon-drop cage. Put an electric heating element somewhere around chest level. They enter, balloons fall, everybody is in by the time the balloons reach chest level. KABOOM

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>>22450772
This, around the house

>>22451155
putting cops around the house doesnt sound very smart

>>22451155
But then they'll shoot your pig and say they thought it was a dog.

build the house around a loud generator that make so much noise you feel like in a night club

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Pic related but with doors and windows.

>>22451132
Or 6x6 construction or 4x4 inner construction.

>>22450772
Steel door with hollow area, strong cup shaped solid steel to focus the explosion. Hollow area filled with explosives. When they use the breaching charge they all go POOF.

>>22450772


>walls covered with mirrors a-la Enter the Dragon

>Jefferson Airplane "White Rabbit" playing in ceiling speakers

>ceiling and floor gradually grow close to eachother in hallway, arriving at a 3-foot tall door like in Willy Wonka

>Inside the door is a room filled with childhood photos of your local SWAT team members

>You've photoshopped yourself into each photo

>You're Santa, they sit on your lap

>You're their mother and father in family photos

>You're their family dog

>After they've been in the room for a few seconds, the music stops and the lights go out

>Pressure sensitive panels in the floor make a cartoony honk noise every time they take a step

>>22450897
I'm going to stop you right there.
I didn't get to eagle scout without learning a lesson or two.

>>22451182
I could see this actually working with a false front door or something. It would at least take them a few seconds to figure out wtf was going on.

>>22450772
>Mannequin holding a nerf gun spray painted black
>Chest hollowed out and filled with tannerite
>Floor is completely covered in marbles and lubricant
>Rig several floorboards near doorways to break when stepped on, blocking the door and trapping the operative
>Several rooms full of mannequins and mirrors
>Blinding strobe lights through the entire house
>Explosive mannequin in a dark room right off the bat
>Speakers begin playing noises such as floorboards creaking and doors opening and closing, as well as hushed voices
>Then, strobe lights turn on and incredibly loud noises start playing (such as the humming of mosquito wings or nails on a chalkboard), as well as human and porcine shrieking
>At that point, they should reach the marbles and lubricant
>Rig buckets of pig blood to spill from above doorways when walked through
>Lights turn out for a few seconds when they walk in a room, and disturbing images are projected onto a wall when they turn on

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>>22451195

>>22451195
>Pressure sensitive panels in the floor make a cartoony honk noise every time they take a step

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVrYbKBrI7o

>>22451164
I really just meant the pin, but whatever

>>22451132
>compressed cast iron tempered steel

>>22451212
LMFAO i see PTSD.

>>22451212
Maybe put bags of blood inside the mannequins, so the troopers get covered in blood after each explosion, making them wonder if they or any of their team mates have been hit by shrapnel? PTSD for everybody

>>22451202
How did you become an eagle scout without becoming immune to that shit? I could walk through hundred yards of poison ivy completely naked and be fine.

I live in an office. So one of those fire proof silver firemen suits, breathing aparatus, fill sprinkler system with jet fuel, when they get thru the door, use a remote to block their escape with a drop down 11 ton steel door, light a match, go thru my secret exit.

>>22451234
I originally meant only one or two explosive mannequins, to keep them on edge and screw with them.
New ideas:
>Artificial pig carcasses hanging in closets
>Mannequins are all dressed differently, some are dressed like families, some are dressed like cavemen, some are completely naked, and some are partially dismembered
>Chloroform sprays into the point man's face when they walk through a doorway
>The same thing happens when they open closets, only with strange and/or images on the walls of the closet

Put up a sign in the front yard that says "THIS IS A GUN FREE ZONE"
If it works for gun crime it'll work for the police.
They wont even make it up the driveway. Check and mate.

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there's a disturbing lack of dragon dildos in this thread.

just sayin'

Aids infected needles hidden under door knobs.

House across the street with blind setup to shoot attacking terrorists unaware

>>22451326
hundreds of dragon dildos on top hinged doors that swing down when the normal door is open

>>22450772
GAU-8 mounted down the hall with the trigger connected to a breaker on the door

Does anyone have a screen cap of the anon talking about running trough his drywall to get take out a team

Horizontal mounted steel I beam rigged with explosives to launch out of the wall a mach 10 right before breaching.

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>not having a magnetized baby to catch incoming grenades

this has been proven to work folks

I wonder how a SWAT team might handle the Winchester mystery house
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dy0TnZ_vpk

>>22451554
Ghosts aren't even real.

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>>22451554
>Only one shower

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Buy an Atlas silo.
Surrounding land:
>Hidden high in the Adirondack Mountains.
>One dirt road in poor condition leading to the compound
>little sign that says “ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE”
>Mud
>rotting livestock corpses
>motion sensors
>fixed M53’s, placed several hundred yards down the path.
>motion sensors let loose a burst when tripped
>guns alternate
>SWAT deviates to the woods
>trip wires everywhere
>some do nothing
>some play spoopy audio clips
>some wired to rigged crossbows, always just off target
>have one guy within the SWAT unit payed off to act strangely, in a very vague manner.
>Says “I wouldn’t worry about it” at the end of every appropriate sentence.
>cont

>>22450958
This, plus fan blowing fine steel swarf particles. Jamtastic.

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>>22451618
Forest opens up into clearing around the base
>MINEN
>now the hell begins
>bouncing betties
>pressure activated incendiaries in the ground
*click*
>pillar of flame
>pack of famished, feral, high on hallucinogen baboons; release them
SWAT somehow makes it to the entrance of the base
>Holy blast door batman!
>Entire thing is an electromagnet
>SWAT gets stuck to the door
Qui-Gon was in the unit, lightsabers the door open…
>black
>it’s dark as fuck
>stairs
>Entire stairwell is coated in lard
two flights down, another, albeit smaller, blast door
>opens without resistance
>in the main living area
>pony stuff everywhere
>pony sex dolls
>smells like fat people sex
>shag carpet
>fondue fountain full of molten Vaseline
>taking in the 70’s décor, and the pony stuff.
>nuggets against the wall, the bolts all have a bit of feces smeared on them
Continuing into the missile tube, 1st floor.
>blinding white, so much light.
>Mirrors everywhere
>hidden loudspeakers playing whispers increasingly loudly
they’re in your head man
>one wall has six doors
>they all open to nothing, just concrete
>actual entrance to next room is a mirror on a hinge
>fireman’s pole
>covered in duct tape residue, slide on that, bitches
>arrive at the bottom, seemingly empty room
>cont

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>>22451635
>lights out
>zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
>bees
BEEESSSS
>pole has heating element in it, it turned on
>shit burns yo
>trapdoor in the floor opens after a few minutes
Thirdlevel.jpg
>ball pit full of snakes
>big ol sign by a blast door with a comically small keyhole
“key is in the pit, it also looks like a mouse, so you may have to search the snakes too.”
>vents begin to pump in weed smoke
They find the key, are high as fuck, open the door
>exact replica of the oval office, except with a plate full of cosmic brownies on the desk
Those who made it this far, no longer give a fuck
>eat
Head out the only door in the office
>the tunnel
>dark
>dry
>as the team progresses, they realize this is an escape hatch
>reach the end, ladder to the surface
>climb the ladder
>reach the hatch
>a note
“thank you, but our princess is in another castle!”
Wrong address all along!

>>22451618
Better yet all the livestock corpses can be put on pikes for display, just have rows and rows and rows of rotting corpses, hell, even stick the mice and rats on pikes, if you plink the crows put them on pikes too, the stench will repel the invasion.

>allow SWAT entry team to enter and disperse into a few different rooms
>room 1: hallway: doors close, walls slowly move together, crushing any in the room
>room 2: "living room": ceiling is rigged with sprinkler system that emits propane, small spark sets whole room ablaze, burning any inside (steel doors block any exits, walls made of high-grade steel)
>room 3: staircase: once you open the door and enter the room, there is a small area at the bottom of the stairs where victims will be trapped, as the door closes behind them. hundreds of gallons of raw sewage floods the room, drowning all.
>room 4: the "i seen shit" room: door closes behind people who enter. high pitched dubstep (like in the chorus of wild for the night-skrillex/A$AP rocky) plays on repeat, strobe lights flashing at unimaginable speeds, sprinklers on the ceiling spray pure ayahuasca in liquid form. SWAT team starts tripping out. install scary-ass animatronics of clowns, mutilated people, etc. along with blood curdling screams of grown men blasting from the speakers. all sounds stop, lights turn off in room. release a swarm of locusts into the room. keep them trapped inside until you can escape the house, letting them be "rescued" eventually.
>room 5: the "old god's" room: doors close behind people, deep voice booms from speakers, "WHO DARES DISTURB THE ANCIENT SANCTUARY OF LORD MOLOG BAL? YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED!" EMP detonated in room, rendering their radios useless. room is completely dark, by the way. flashbang detonated, swarm of flesh-eating scarabs released into room. whoever comes to clean out the house will discover piles of bones and a note that says "rekt"

>>22451564
but crazy women are and in this case the crazy lady also had the money to build an insane house

>SWAT team enters house
>Steel door slides shut in place of the beaten-down doors
>Members of team look at eachother
>Projector screen unrolls on the wall in front of SWAT team
>Scene in Boy in the Striped Pajamas where the kid goes into the gas chamber starts playing
>Small metallic *ping* is heard by team
>Zyklon-B gas floods the house, killing all.
>Second SWAT team about to breach the wall
>House rigged to explode upon breach
>House explodes into huge cloud of Zyklon-B
>Zyklon-B molecules become self-aware
>Spirit of Adolf Hitler commands the molecules
>Gas now only kills Jews, turns all others into Nazis
>Earth enslaved by the gaseous form of Adolf Hitler
Jew proofs your home, too. Nothing like killing two birds with one stone

a really big moat, top floor has machine gun set up.

>>22450772
>snakes hanging from ceiling fans
LOL... ok that got me.

Pretty much what I wrote in the home def. thread. Hardened doors with 4 inch steel screws in the hinges. Strike plate/hinge reinforcement kit. Door club installed. Dead bolt with reinforced 4 inch screws (no brainer there). Metal-clad door. Security screen door installed. This applies to the rear door of the house too. All windows and patio doors have hurricane screens installed.

Security cameras with infrared installed, running on back-up batteries that will last at least ten minutes so you can see them coming and where they're at. Panic room that is disguised so nobody can find it.

I like the strobes and marbles on the floor idea, too. Maybe a few 180dB sirens installed for good measure. There are home security fog machines you can install as well, that will fill the house with the same kind of glycerin-based fog you find at concerts and clubs.

So yeah, insanely difficult to gain entry, dangerous once you do, blinding, and ear-splitting to navigate. Not a good candidate for shitty swat teams expecting a cake walk.

>>22451645
>>22451635
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you.

>>22450772
The best swat proofed house is a house that they don't know about.

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Serious suggestion

A glass house with motion-sensitive lighting beginning in the yard, and thorough security cameras with their own power source and that upload to a secure server.

I don't think SWAT would ever raid such a house.

>Can't sneak up on it

>Every detail of what they do will be recorded

>>22451049
Good luck breaching a house that went to heaven.
Christians 1 Atheists 0

>>22450914
butthurt pig dectected

>>22452366
Ah, the good old Ammunition-feeding-device confiscator-without-being nice

>>22451121
What about a Gong made of tannerite? Sprayed to look like his real gong?

>>22451135
Op said nothing outright malicious.

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>>22450772

>Not rigging explosives at the front door. This is the tried and true method anons!

>>22451135
SWAT don't do raids barefoot you retard, nice epic may may.

>>22451235
>becoming immune to that shit
>not becoming more sensitive to it with each exposure
I don't think you know how poison ivy works.
You were probably either immune to it from the start or what you thought was poison ivy wasn't.

>>22450772
FBI plz.

>>22452478
He's joking, you autistic jackass.
Fuck off to /s4s/

>>22452457
omg did he die?

Marble floor.
Coat said floor with kid's marbles.
Place 6x6 inch thin wooden squares onto the marbles.
Impossible to run in hallways, have to fucking crabstep your way into the house.

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>>22450772
multiple "alarm mines" set at common non-door points in the house + strobes to lower the visibility of fishing line.

>>22451797
If I don't design a weapon so effective that when I'm gone my wife spends her entire life and my entire fortune building crazy bullshit to ward off the vengeful spirits of the millions of people my guns have killed, I didn't really live.

>>22450772
Microwave magnetrons together with capacitor and transformer mounted in walls
or some kind of oversized induction forge
high voltage could be used in many ways
but if pigs did disconnect electricity it would be useless
propane tanks even empty would scare fuckers with only a bit of smell

>>22452478
Maybe he meant some sort of high speed hippy unit?

> kerosene sprinkler system covering the yard, doors, and windows. Activated remotely when the breach team nears their entry point of choice.

Nobody wants to clear a house while covered in flammable liquid.

>>22452647
You just saved them from having to explain why your house burnt down from their "flashbang"

Empty propane tanks and some hidden rotten eggs next to every door and window.

shotgun straped to dog, trigger rigged to tail

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnslSas5ZOQ

can't get through the door, can't get into my house.

>>22452862
As if the law has any qualms about shooting a dog or 6.

>>22451564
That's not true, my brother is a ghost

>tfw no swat simulator game with >>22450787 type randomly generated houses

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>>22450772
bubble wrap under the carpet.

uneven flooring

du hast playing non stop?

>tasers built into walls so that when they stack up or bump the wall they get shocked

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I know a guy who's expert with these kind of projects.

>>22450881
i chuckled

Doors with hinges on the top
Rugs covering large openings to ball pits
IR strobe lights on a back up generator/battery, paint words like "LEAVE" or "TURN BACK" in IR reflective paint on the walls.
Entire hallway with fishing line and hooks hanging from the roof
Doors that look like fire exits that are painted on the walls
Mannequin room, nuff said
A room that is a recreation of a kill house
All while the sounds of barnyard animals fucking is blasting over speakers hidden behind pictures.

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How are you supposed to live in these houses if they are turned into anti-swat deathtraps?

>>22450787

I really like the idea of a door that revolves 90 degrees and locks. Opaque on one side and plexiglass on the other so they're trapped in a big viewing bubble. SWAT terrarium!

>>22451195
oh my geezus. holy shit

>>22450881
What kind of fusion reactor is powering that truck?

>>22450896
About treefiddy

>>22451135
>Legos
Not going old school with tar and feathers

When swat teams come up against a barricaded gunman, or impassible barrier they exit and surround.

>>22451195
That's... pretty fucking crafty.

Front door only connects to a long hallway that then exits out the back of the building. Rest of the house accessible through hidden doors in the hallway.

every entrance has a bucket of gasoline waiting to douse an entry team.
SWAT is now flammable and lungs are full of fumes

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>>22453496

What about a revolving door like in malls, but made of metal and armor plated?

It can only let one person in at a time no matter what. You can't see through it easily, and it seems if you took the time to reinforce it, that it'd be stronger than a regular door.

Then you just need to reinforce the walls and windows and your set.

>>22451062
You guys do realize the magnified particles will stick to each other before they stick to the gun right?

>>22452479
Allergic reactions work one of two ways: lack of acclimation to the allergen causes a reaction, or you've been overexposed and any exposure causes a reaction

>>22450772
>Buy old WWII bunker
>Make nice and house like inside
>close fuckhueg steel door
>now they aren't getting in without plastic explosives

Front and back door floors covered in lube. Anything in reach is also covered in lube so they can't get their balance.

Key to this mission is that you yourself are naked and lubed to show that you are not hiding any weapons.

Cameras in every room to record police brutality.

>>22450772
>marbles on the floor
What is looking for items on the floor such as tripwires and in this case, marbles
What is dragging your feet so you don't step on and slip from the marbles
>strobe lights everywhere
What are we trying to do, make our house SWAT-proof or a club?
>snakes hanging from ceiling fans
Now you're going insane.

>>22454019
>strobe lights everywhere
>doesn't think about using halogen bulbs so it's like staring into the sun but more painful

>>22453768
Then you'll have clumps of magnetized particles. It'll still suck to get in a gun.

>>22454019
If they're looking at the floor for traps then they aren't looking at head-level people and other traps. Put wires at neck level.

Hang fly paper. Lay out sticky mouse traps.

>>22450896
Nice try.

>>22454019
>What are we trying to do, make our house SWAT-proof or a club?
Do you have an actual complaint about strobes or are you just being a cunt and saying no to everything?

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ITT: /k/ helps a pedophile who has 3 girls locked up in his basement

Some sort of motion activated device that would play gunfire sounds would be horror house level bad. Also strings or chains strung up in main entry points would certainly slow people down. Attach bells to the strings,etc. also a room full of vibrating dildos suspended by string would be tactical as fuck. mirrors,smoke,strobes, bouncy balls,marbles, you name it. I hope we're defending something really good with all this bullshit you guys are thinking of.
Hypothetically of course.

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>>22451135

An entire room full of clown mannequins.

i wonder if inverting the rooms would get to be disorienting. put carpet on the walls, screw/bolt furniture to the walls, put art and doors on the floor, or flip it upside down so that there is like 2 or 3 feet of wall before the upside down doorway

Me and my grandmother were discussing the Home Alone franchise earlier, and I swear this type of thread is exactly what i had in the fringe of my mind as we spoke about his(cant remember his name in the moviess...) shenanigans. Tar on the floor, remove shoes. Broken christmas ornaments immediately after that. lulz

fill the house with burning weed and bake out all the swat officers, then have a room full of pizza, burritos, some couches and xbox live

>>22450772
Steel Conveyer belts that run horizontally powered by a generator that are 3 foot wide and change direction randomly

Spent propane tank with wires attached to it that sit in the middle of a well lit room.

It stops them and makes them bring a bomb squad.

>>22450772
A line of remote activated silly string cans above the inside of every door.

>>22450772
mirrors behind every door. They kick open a door and there's a dude pointing a gun at them every time!

Behind each mirror place rows of silly string cans. Each time they shoot a mirror SILLY STRING EVERYWHERE.

>>22451195
The white rabbit thing is a must. No matter what this song always has to be playing in the breaching funhouse

>>22451174
so then i'll have bacon tomorrow?

have a big bad wolf in your house to scare away the piggies

>>22452457
>obrezhomedefense.gif

>>22450772
>inflatable squeaky hammers that swing down and smack your face
>blacked out, metal revolving doors that force them to bottle neck into the next room
>paintings of sad clowns with flower lapels hooked to high pressure water pumps
>rubber ball auto turrets
>Mannequins all over that have guns amd look like people with the guns being hooked to an automated trigger. They have realistic sounds but instead of bullets flags that say bang come out.

>>22451212

Would a flash bang set it off?

>Used condoms on door handles
>Skrillex and erasure being played and 95db in the basement
>doors with two door handles on them
>floor is littered with shit
> Doors with dildos as. Doorknobs
>doors that open into another door
>spiral staircase

Lol, check 'em

Pigeons.

Lots and lots of Pigeons.

Cats.

Cats fucking everywhere

>open air stool samples in petri dishes shelved and scientifically cataloged by date, time, and stomach contents.
>vats of frier grease that have been left out for weeks and are filled with fly larvae
>taxidermy animals with hollow eye sockets
>piles of bones from cattle and other animals

>>22453746
Do this idea, except make the rotating door have one entrance and no exit. Blast music outside and put up a faraday cage too. One to three pigs in, zero pigs out.

Or do a drop floor under the second segment, for teh lulz

>>22455032
Workboots though. :( I'd totally do that if SWAT had to come in barefoot or in socks.

A door that opens to a foot or two of balistics gel and another door at the other side.
A tiping or rotating plank hidden under a rug that deposits one or two of them in the basment and then closes and locks, combined with other traps maybe one could separate all of them so they are alone in this house of "fun".

>>22455078
Respirators, though. :( You'd be better off dipping tacks in cocaine.

>>22452098
>door is breached
>heavy cotton canvas cloth drops down, turning the room into a maze
>in the 5 seconds it takes for them to make a decision, BAM
>WEREWOLF

>>22450772
fill the first level of my house with those punching bags that look like angry men

>>22455728
>Or do a drop floor under the second segment, for teh lulz

That is hilarious.

I liked the singing bass idea. Put so many of them in your house that they line the walls and with every step they take a new bass starts singing. Lining the walls so much that they are from head to toe in height.

>>22450772
>Hollow out floorboards to door entrances
>Do punji stake style pitfalls throughout home, this time with dragon dildos
>Mad World playing over speaker

>Place an empty/filled halfway with water propane canister by front and back doors.
>Cell phone, wires, and various electronics attached to can.
>All just to power a small red LED that blinks.
>One steel cable, running from can, screwed into door.
>Fake surveillance cameras over cans.
>Molon Labe painted on each can.

They wouldn't touch the place for hours. This will buy me enough time to contact their superiors and convince them it's the wrong fucking house, and/or negotiate my peaceful surrender.

What happens if your in a deep (over your head) ballpit? Can you still "swim" out of it or are you stuck?

>>22456193

That's just cruel and unusual

>>22457045
It looks like you can swim but it's very slow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7-pj4Sxe_4#t=57
watch the guy at the top trying to swim for the frisbee

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>>22456193

How about smoke detectors with constantly almost dead batteries?

>>22453671
american muscle

>>22450896
enough to break the ice
wait.. fuck.

>>22457190
Now imagine that in full riot gear and your rifle

>>22451107
holy fucking shit

>>22452451
kek

>>22453700
The idea is not to make anything impassable, just incredibly annoying, disturbing, or inconvenient.

>>22453359
this

>>22456193
fucking dying

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>>22450772
>2028-14
>Still living in houses
>Not living in an olympic sized swimming pool filled with Bad Dragon Cum Lube.
>Not living off oxygen tanks at first, only to slowly wean back on the covalently bonded jew
>Eventually your body adapts to breathe only industrial strength imitation human ejaculate
>Your domicile is now an unimpregnable fortress of wonderful, slippery solitude

>>22450963
Do you not?

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>>22457976
Fucking christ, anon.

All doors swing outwards. They all have weak pin locks. All knobs are coated with Vaseline.

Captcha - gynotat navigation

>>22450772

>Reinforce door frame with steel, badass hinges, solid-core steel-clad door, a shitload of deadbolts, and a burglar bar
>Windows are double-paned plexiglas and have steel storm shutters
>Stone walls
>Metal roof
>Cooking oil and marbles all over the floor
>Treble fishing hooks hanging from the ceiling at just the right level to snag on clothing and gear, hundreds of them
>Those boobytraps you can order online that fire 12-gauge blanks or pepper blast rounds, rig one on every single door and window
>Strobe lights in every room
>Air raid siren wired to motion detectors
>Disco ball in living room
>Wireless HD cameras in every room
>Cardboard cutouts of various movie actors pointing guns placed in strategic positions
>Rent a room from your neighbor and laugh so hard you piss yourself while watching the cops expend ridiculous effort breaking into your room, stumble-fucking around, and shooting a bunch of cardboard movie stars in a pissed-off panic
>Upload the video to youtube and gain a million hits

>>22450772
Lower the floor of a hallway about three feet to create a "trench" effect.
Fill with mcdonald playland pit balls.
Light hallway with two violent strobe lights at each end, and a mechanical disco ball in the center.

I love you /k/

>>22457703
I'm imagining that pic from Vietnam where the guy is crossing a river head-deep and has his rifle held over the water. Except with colorful balls.

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>>22450772
Pretty much this.

>>22451164
GOODNIGHT EVERY BODY!!!

>>22451326
Rather then door knobs its dragon dildos with lube
on them

>>22453359
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PPqAVhtYg8

>>22457976
>industrial strength imitation human ejaculate
Bad dragon cum is dragon imitation ejaculate. Not human imitation ejaculate.

>>22457417
underated post

>>22456193
When they find you, you're wearing a giant trout costume.
>Wielding an XM8

Use giant steel reinforced doors. Steel automatic shutters for the windows. Place signs around the perimeter stating that there's explosives inside.

They'll be forced to wait till you run out of food/water.

A small room stacked high to the ceiling with rubber bouncy balls.

The door is locked with a complicated lock and labeled "Safe room" in order to look important.

>>22457251
Woah, calm down there satan.

>>22453746
What about a rotating fortified door that also rotates downward? Like a screw. They'd scope out the house and plan their attack but little do they know that the door takes you down to the hidden basement

>>22459475
no,they just burn your house down and say "your ammo caught on fire"

>>22459980

"tear gas related fire" is very popular.

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>Swat Team in heavy ass tac gear comes into my house.
>Little do they know the evil that exists within.
>For months I have been training my body to withstand extreme heat.
>Turn furnace on full blast,
>Space heaters everywhere.
>Humidifiers everywhere.
>6 electric ovens on full blast with the doors open.
>Inside temperature: 150 degrees.
>Humidity: 99%
>Now here's the fun part guiz....
>Obstacles everywhere.
>Melted chocolate and crayons all over the floor.
>String,bricks,false walls,glue floor. Anything to keep them in the house for a while.
>Over loudspeakers,nothing but extremely loud christmas music and.

>SWAT kick door down
>run into my oil slick and fall
>run up stairs only to step on rusty nails
>at top of stairs is trip wire linked to a crude explosive
>lone survivor finds me standing up stairs in a robe with my turgid cock out as Goodbye Horses plays
>"You're move Mr Lawman."

>>22455170
captain matsinger?

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>>22455217

Floors. That tilt down and away from doors, covered in lube at a 45 degree angle. Floors made of rollers/ conveyor belts. Staircases are escalators, or have xboxheug steps, like 5 feet tall. And entire room full of those hippies beadon string door covers, with a floor made of random patchwork wood on bungee cables, leading to a lower room. Rope courses and playground slides

>>22461796
My workplace had rollers on the floor, my god it was a nightmare I couldn't imagine if there was angled rollers, hell I'd probably just kill myself so I wouldn't have to breach the house.

Living in a carnival fun house seems to have it's advantages.

huge log cabin inna woods road is blocked by huge pile of logs and random garbauge and scarp metal basicaly too much for them to move quiclky so they have to approch through the woods, bear traps, bear traps everywhere. rigged black powder rifles and shotguns set to fire at about chest level rigged up in the woods, half skinned animals all over the place, more rigged guns aimed at all the doors when they finally find you dress in buck skins with lots of fringe and open fire with a pair of .36 caliber csa black powder pistols. if you manage to own the first team, skin them and stretch the hides out to tan, more teams will come, eventually you will die, but you will become legendary new age mad trapper, they'll probably write a book and a crappy movie about it.

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>>22462365
forgot pic

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>>22451195
Perfect.

>>22450772
It's easy really.

>Cardboard cut outs of dogs
>forced to shoot them
>out of ammo
EZ

Bees. Thousands of them.

>>22455194
underratedpost/10

How about a giant snaking hallway on an upwards slope that is stylized to look like cave wall, that has an entrance that auto-seals with a magnetic lock when people enter without first pressing a hidden button.

Savvy team members who notice the Indiana Jones music may panic earlier than the rest, but eventually a giant boulder will be launched down the hallway once they get halfway up. Their terror will subside when the boulder harmlessly bounces off someone and they realize it is actually filled with air.

Make the front door magnetic, so if they try to use a ram on it, they can't pull it away after the first hit.

>>22450772
Be standing in your own house with your mates wearing replica SWAT uniforms barking orders and stacking up against a closed door.

>>22451195
Have the pressure plates release a fine spray of water laced with LSD. That will make the white rabbit reach full potential

>>22462534
kek. needs to be made into one of those troll comics

>>22451096
>>22451123
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnslSas5ZOQ

>>22453341
Holy fuck guys. Could you imagine going against this thing?
>Sgt fuckface, who has raided many a laser chameleon den
>Sheds all his clothing on the walk up to the house
>only boots, Cigar, and Kabar are kept.
>says to squad "Gentlemen, If im not back in 5, Bomb this building to Hell"
>Proceeds to breach door with flashbang
>the last thing his squad saw of him was Breaching the door and fucking lasers Tearing the house to bits.
>JDAM dropped on the house after 5min 1sec.

>>22451769
underrated post

>>22455194
giggled loudly

>>22450772
>2014
>not having a box of cyanide laced doughnuts outside your front door at all times

tree sap on door knobs

>>22451019
door hinges filled with tannerite

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stainless steel floors covered with grease and ball bearings

>>22453671
Diesel... so close enough to fusion.

>>22451984
>/pol/'s wet dream

Balloons and scorpions

hundreds of dildos hanging from the ceiling, they wont be able to walk anywhere without getting a dong in their face.

>>22455355
Holy shit tri dubs

>>22450772
Change my listed name in my address to a US senator.

>>22452517
Under rated post here

The inside of the house is completely empty. It is one giant open room.
In the center is a room with one door.
it is surrounded by empty space.
The room has motion detectors
Once the team has entered the room a metal door slides into place behind them and over the other doors.
The flooring is on magnetized hinges
when the door closes behind them the flooring drops.
This starts playing
http://youtu.be/SW-BU6keEUw
They drop 3 feet into a pit of warm spaghetti
5 seconds later sprinklers turn on.
They spray spaghetti sauce all over the room.

>>22450772
Resident Evil Laser Room

/thread

>>22450772
>front door is reinforced but still breakable
>SWAT team breaks door down and rushes in
>a grenade launcher aimed at the doorway fires once a tripwire is triggered by the SWAT team rushing in
>the room is heavily booby traped, no wiindows, only another reinforced door
>SWAT team attempts to go through the walls, only to find that the walls are booby trapped with pressure sensors, anything that applies pressure to the walls like placing explosives on it causes explosives hidden in the walls to detonate
>behindthe reinforced door is a long hallway only big enough for a single man to go through
>remote controlled MG loaded with AP rounds is hidden at the end of the hallway

>>22466296
>>22466332

Not getting the point of the thread.
Any moron can make a house deadly to attack. This is about funny shit you could do.

>>22466361
i dont see what would be funny about trolling SWAT.

>>22466449
Why wouldn't it be funny to have swat bust into a house full of hanging lubed up dragon dildos

>Every floor is polished tile
>Every room has that barbie girl song on a staggered loop
>First few rooms are plastered with industrial grade baddragon cumlube
>Including door handles
>Entry team will have to crawl just to get anywhere at all
>Rooms form a concentric ring getting gradually smaller and higher in the building
>No stairs, just polished ramps
>Next few rooms are covered in glue and glitter powder
>Smoke machines and party poppers rigged to the doors
>corridors contain fans rigged to blow pink feathers into a hailstorm
>Final room contains nothing but a desk, a button, and an office chair upon which stands the biggest dragon dildo on the market in a barbie wig
>The button opens out a wall, revealing the hapless entry team to their comrades like a gameshow prize; covered head to foot in cum, glitter and feathers, resplendant in the shadow of their new sex toy patriach
>Fireworks and lazer strobes
>The actual saferoom is well concealed somewhere close to room #1

>>22460341

captain matsinger? Were you ever at nmsu arotc, anon?