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Let's talk about America's greatest citizen, Ben Franklin.

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Let's talk about America's greatest citizen, Ben Franklin.

>invented stoves and shit
>showed up in Pennsylvania broke as fuck, still gave a woman and her kid his money
>when apprenticing in england, BTFO drunken limeys by drinking water instead of beer all day, getting jacked because he was well hydrated and could carry printing plates all day long
>slayed pussy throughout 13 colonies, decided he hadn't had enough so he went to london/paris to cut through trim like a gardener on meth
>probably smoked weed with Thomas Jefferson
>witty as fuck
>had a cane that dispensed oil he used for party tricks
>died from pneumonia because he sat naked in front of windows in winter at age 80
Mate thats not even the tip of the iceberg
>Wrote the most common book in every mans house, second only to the holy book of christ
>Discovered electricity by being electrocuted himself
>Was not allowed in on making the constitution because they were afraid of him sneaking jokes in there
There is more but I my computer just told me its restarting without my permission
>once clapped George Washington on the back on a dare and got shit eyed so bad he never did it again
>thought John Adams was an asshole
>thought it was bullshit his sister couldn't read, so he taught her reading and math
>started a social club to talk to his intellectual equals, literally the first m00t
>wore a fur cap in paris, made it work
>once wrote an ode to farting

More like BASEDamin Franklin
>kept children in his basement until they starved to death

yeah top lad
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How about some Andrew Jackson
>Survived 103 duels
>One duel he allowed himself to be shot then took the time to aim at his opponent, killing him instantly
>Since that duel he had a bullet lodged near his heart for the rest of his life
>Survived several assassination attempts
>one where the assassin would have his gun jam, switch to his second gun and that gun would also jam. Both guns were in perfect order
>After the failed attempt he beat the assassin with his cane so hard that senators pulled Jackson away because he was being too rough
>Kicked the Indians west and let Americans take over the already plowed land
>Got rid of the national bank and successfully made the US in the positives, the only time the US has been without debt
>Before becoming president, was a successful general, defeating the British at New Orleans using slaves, pirates and native Americans, for a total of 4700 versus 11000 British
>Sustained 55 deaths, 185 wounded while British took 386 deaths and 1,521 wounded. The British losing all of their commanders
>Receives 1400 pound cheesewheel
>After two years of wife complaining throws a party in the whitehouse and invites all the citizens
>hands them all forks and its gone in two hours
>Had a parrot that was ejected from a funeral for swearing too much
this guy sounds like he's the real most interesting man in the world

You forgot
>citizens are mostly DC white trash, so after the cheese is gone they go apeshit in the white house and steal liquor
>Jackson didn't even give a fuck

He was pretty fucking rad. Franklin was just a witty, charming guy who built himself up from nothing to being one of the most important men in US History. He also was neck deep in pussy 24/7.

Seriously, he liked them young, old, fat, skinny, didn't fucking matter.
Benjamin Franklin had children's skeletons found in his basement
He also ran with the hellfire club. Basically a satanist libertine.
His protégé ran an anatomy school in the basement

It was illegal at the time, but he wasn't killing children and storing them under the house.
That's not John Jay.
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Thread posts: 12
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