>"We'd like a designer who can wear many hats"

File: amused toad.png (11KB, 420x420px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 420x420px

>We’re looking for someone with an eye for design

File: meme_wizard.jpg (21KB, 410x410px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 410x410px

>We're interested in filling in a six months unpaid intern position for a multidisciplinary hybrid visual designer with full-stack web-dev knowledge at our highly respectable multinational company that could look extremely good on anyone's résumé. Must be proficient in React, Angular, Vue, jQuerry, D3, Bootstrap, Sass, LESS, WordPress, Adobe CC, Sketch, InVision, C4D, Maya, MS Office.

>>305162
>says here you know how to write shaders in webgl
>sorry we're looking for someone with jquery experience

File: f383d90ac8fc66ae8dd2a86fb4a54a8f9e81f5fcb890722075a7b1f7ca07b988_1.jpg (45KB, 798x820px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 798x820px

>Required 5-7 years experience at agency, design house, or in-house creative department. Projects will include brochures, flyers, banners, ads, and everything else you could do straight out of college.

>yeah, could you create my brand identity and website?
>I really like x, y, and z, and what they've done and basically want that
>my budget is about 300 dollars and I need it all completed within two weeks

>>305158
Not uncommon

>>305160
Get used to this, chump

>>305162
Complete bullshit

>>305167
Don't apply then you whiney bitch

>>305182
Girl bye

>>305202
Autism

>>305202
>Complete bullshit
Welcome to the real world, buddy.
https://boards.greenhouse.io/theoutline/jobs/274115

>>305268
>Welcome to the real world, buddy.

He didn't mean such listings don't exist. He meant that such a position is usually a bullshit position; it's akin to saying "I want to hire an experienced Dentist. Must also be a experienced in oncology, and be a Michelin-quality chef."

>>305202
>Girl bye
What did he mean by this?

>>305311
Mate, I wouldn't read too much into it. That post clearly has 0 nutritional value

File: f50.jpg (184KB, 794x794px) Image search: [Google]

184KB, 794x794px

>5 days after finding the job listing:
"This listing has expired"

>20 days after you interview at a company:
"We're still interviewing"

>its an "IT's new security block list blocks your own company website" episode

>We are looking for an IT guy to.....
>Manage our network, servers, computers, and devices.
>and
>Manage and update our website and our intranet.
>Develop and update our mobile apps.
>That can do graphic design
>Make our email newsletters.
>Manage our social networking profiles.
>Can make slideshows and videos for our meetings.
>Can keep up with all IT trends.

>>305720
I'll do that for $150k.

>>305723
Well... our budget is in the $60k ballpark.

>>305726
(And we're gonna lowball you by 10k)

File: 0107 - 6dDQVVj.jpg (5KB, 125x110px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 125x110px

>"Were looking for people that can use a pencil"

File: 894.png (7KB, 558x565px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 558x565px

>Make it
>Yes
>Free
>N..Yes

>we're looking for a designer who can draw and do something other than flat, lifeless designs

>Are you PASSIONATE about finance? Rock star Executive Assistant needed for C-level exec at up-and-coming boutique firm. Ideal candidate is a detail-oriented, motivated self-starter. Thick skin and ability to handle tricky personalities a must. Salary standard with opportunity for growth. Bachelors degree, five years industry experience required.

>Rock star needed. Rock star. A rock star is a person who stays up freebasing until sunrise, whose herpes laden tattooed cock is never outside of some seventeen year old runaway. A rock star is a person who barely works forty minutes a day and then passes out in his own waste. Your job description is for a quiet drone who punches in early and meekly plugs numbers you dictate into an Excel spreadhseet. This is the opposite of a rock star. But “rock star” just means “something cool that everyone wants to be.” It means “exceptional.” We want an exceptional rock star to go above and beyond to find the best price on toner cartridges, to know that they’ll last little longer even when the printer tells you they’re empty, if you give them a vigorous shake. We could save point zero zero zero one per cent of the office supply budget this way. We want a passionate committed detail oriented motivated self starter who is a total rock star about getting the building manager to fix our toilet before the other five people with plumbing problems get their issues handled; who can outmaneuver the rock stars from that commercial real estate office on the sixth floor.

https://delicioustacos.com/2013/04/25/unemployment-diary-want-ads/

'No geniuses please'

>>307303
Only unicorns apply.

OP here, happy to let everyone know I survived application hell and landed a new job

if i can make it, you can make it

>>305167

this plus "salary based on experience" or " salary $12-16% per hour"

drives me fucking up the wall when i see a posting that wants 7 years and wants to pay at par or less than a print shop or shitty sign shop would pay you.

I lucked out and got started at $40k a year with just an associate degreebbut anything ive seen entry level posted in my area is shit tier pay.

File: 1481678777624.png (108KB, 333x333px) Image search: [Google]

108KB, 333x333px

>Requirements: being outgoing and a team player

Html, CSS, and some Javascript is a plus

>>307437
That's because they assume you'll move in with them for the rest of your employment there. 10h/day on a regular basis.

>>305158
Dress for the occasion mang

File: 1326238674185.gif (768KB, 200x147px) Image search: [Google]

768KB, 200x147px

>entry level graphic designer.
>must know web designing and video production
>starting pay is 10.50

>>305158
>>305160
>>305162
>>305164
>>305167
>>305182
>>305720
>>307083
>>307277
>>307437
>>307604

FUCK YOU!!! PAY ME!!!

>>307605
Mike Monteiro...? Is that you?

File: 7.png (6KB, 1006x501px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 1006x501px

métropolitain

>>305202
What's the matter anon? Lose your fidget spinner?

>>305158
how can someone wear many hats most people only have one heads except for that one girl whoe has two heads well i guess it was two girls with one body so they could only wear one hats too lol my brother tried to put too hats on once lol my mom thought it was funny my dad thought it was funny i thought it was funny it looked sooo goofy lol he wore it on his bus to school and the rest of the kids thought it was pretty cool though i saw h3h3 where he wore a hundred beanies so maybe you can try to wear two beanies that might look pretty cool black people wear beanies and theyre always prett cool and rap music tell your boss about desinger that rapper that sings about pandas i think he could wear two beanies maybe two hats too i hope this helps with you thanks bye bye

>>305202
> Girl bye
>