Design Critique

>>280924
>inconsistent margins
>ugly typeface
>slanted font
>graphics straight out of your ass
2/10, hire a designer
Also, are you seriously going to teach people how to throw shurikens?

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>>280935

Little known fact, Shuriken 手裏剣 literally mean hidden hand blade. They were not designed to be thrown, rather to be used as a small concealed knife.

They can be thrown of course, and I do teach people how to, though I focus on hand to hand applications.

Thanks for your critique, about the graphics - which did you have particular issue with?

OP, you (or someone impersonating you, or is it the other way around...) posted this a few months ago. what took so long to finish this poster (if you don't mind the personal question, that is)?

the photographs are smashed together! why?

i wouldn't put pics of the building itself, just focus on the interior. the middle pic stands out, but the contrast with the lights really burns my eyes. any chance you can retake the pics of the interior? different angles? possibly the weapons at your disposal (i want to see the weapons...)?

print ad or web ad? where is this info supposed to picked up at? offices? schools? etc.

btw, that 3rd line of text at the top cuts strangely short on alignment (it's not aligned). there are a ton of centered things on the page, and then there's "that." no need to align on a flyer with the simplistic nature of the rest of it. also, why select bold + italics?

i think this is enough crit from me. i didn't cover everything, but those visual itches really need to be scratched!

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>>280924
I'm more ok with this than >>280935
It's readable, and well organized for a first shot.
What is really wrong is the use of the grey shapes. You shouldn't stack pictures like this.
Also the picture in the middle could be cropped to landscape orientation.
The font is a bit ugly, Montserrat or Open sans are more casual.
Showing the dojo empty is a mistake.
I would get rid of those many circles too.

^ samefag.

the top is centered, my bad. the pic was zoomed up on my phone and cut the left part off by a bit. glad i caught my stupid mistake.

btw, "when" is funny...how about "days?" who knows. "when" just reads weird to me.

oh them big red brackets...

no! just...fucking no!

no need to change typeface for the whens, wheres, and membership info. just use the same as the face above it. just make it larger + bold, but not too large.

those brackets don't do anything for that 2nd pic other than making it look designy for the sake of being designy. it's just meaningless to add unnecessary objects or "filler" imo.

glad that 2nd version doesn't have that "when" thing :p

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>>280959

Yeah, same guy.

I finished the poster and put it up at universities. I probably put up around 75. I got 1100 views on my blog/website and about 10 expressions of interest. 6 people have showed up and 3 have stayed.

This new flyer is for a letter drop - a print ad. I've got a company that will do 10000 drops houses and units in surrounding suburbs for $320. I think focusing on homes will be the best strategy.

I've also tried a facebook ad for $15. Netted me 8 likes and 1 follow. The guy who followed sent an expression of interest, but hasn't shown up yet.

Still experimenting with different marketing strategies.

As for the photographs, I just had space - so I threw them in. I'll try and get some better pictures with weapons and so on. I've got a class tomorrow.

As for the text font, it was the closest to the heading font. It doesn't look so good in smaller font, but I may have to look for a new one.

Thanks for your crit.

>>280960

Thanks for the mock up. It definitely gave me some good ideas.

I love circles, but maybe I put too many. I'll also get some more pictures tomorrow.

>>280962

Thanks, I'll take it into consideration when I make the next mock-up.


As an aside, do you guys think it is necessary to add Knight, Ninja and Warrior Monk in brackets? Most people surely know what a Samurai is and Shinobi may be a bit obscure but people would figure it out right. Not sure if anybody knows what a Sohei is though.

I just want to make it clear.

OP, if the 2nd pic is done by you and not a /gdfag, i'd drop the bracket motif altogether. it's not giving me the vibe of japanese...stuff...rather it just looks like it was a project a design professor would hand out as busywork.

you could always reduce the length of the "white space"--drop the brackets--and keep the circle/seals motif.

this is for the general public, not for graphic designers. you might make a graphic designer hot over brackets, but the (example) 16 year old kid is there for the activity. if that makes whatever sense, or lack thereof :x

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>>280968

Yeah that was a /gdfag design. I like some aspects of it though.

I'm working on a new design. Hopefully I can get some more pictures tonight.

>>280924
Overall Aestethic! B!
Information! Too much! C!
Clear! Yes! Designed by young man! Also yes! B!

I would check out your link, but this sound more like some Naruto stuff for kids 12-17.
On to your flyer! Title and first paragraphs of text are ok. Skip all the names of your fancy jutsu, I can read all about those on your site, which you need me to visit!
Skip the WHEN WAT HOW crap and just give me the details for locating you. Space the images with a 2-3 mm gap between them. One should be of a rough google-map-esque thing to know where you're at, the other should be the interior of your HIGH QUALITY DOJO and the last some cool stuff like weapons or other gear of HIGH QUALITY. Me, the customer is a retard. I'll follow shiny objects like a sheep until I make semi-conscious decisions. Otherwise this is not the worst flyer I've seen. Sorry for the shouting!

>>280966
Ampersands have no place in flyers. Also, the only word on that flyer that not every living and dead human since 1600 AD know about is Sohei, so maybe drop explaining the meaning of samurai and shinobi.

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>>281057

> I would check out your link, but this sound more like some Naruto stuff for kids 12-17.

Unfortunately the image of Ninjutsu has been tarnished in recent decades. Our organisation is partly to blame as well.

I am also guilty of playing on the mystique and popular culture of ninja and samurai in my advertising.

I would recommend having a look at my link, you may learn something interesting.

>>281058

Thank you for your input.

I will make be sure to make some changes.

>>280924
not talking about the design but the content.
>samurai = knight ?!?
>talking bout samurai shit and no kendo?
>no tatami?
>1900 to 2100? are we in the military now?
no offense OP but this sounds like bs

>>280924
>check online at
needs rephrasing

>>280966
>This new flyer is for a letter drop - a print ad. I've got a company that will do 10000 drops houses and units in surrounding suburbs for $320. I think focusing on homes will be the best strategy.
Not necessarily.

The problem is that you're about to engage in mass marketing when you're selling a very niche product.

Think about it this way: would a housewife be interested in your nina shit? Unlikely.

So you should first understand who your paying customers are. If they're mostly university students, then advertise in the university's newspaper. If the university has an Asian studies department find out if they have a message board and advertise there.

Then think about your costs. You're about to spend $320 dollars, which means you'd have to get 13 sign-ups to break even.

Yet putting up 75 posters in universities got you six sign-ups and 3 steady customers.

If you're set on doing the drops go ahead, but keep in mind the cost and what kind of return you'll see on it.

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>>281112

Kendo is a post-war sport and has nothing to do with Bushido or Samurai. Edo period Samurai are literally knights.

There is no storage for mats and they cost too much.

I'm ex-military, civilians should learn how to use the 24 hour clock, it's more efficient and less prone to misunderstanding.

>>281113

Thanks.

>>281119

It's actually 8 sign ups to break even (320/40 - 25 for insurance and 15 for the class).

Although I understand what you are saying.

I've been looking at other avenues of advertising within the universities, but often these are locked to students or alumni, which limits my options.

I'll do another review of my options.

>>281123
>It's actually 8 sign ups to break even (320/40 - 25 for insurance and 15 for the class).
Ahh I thought it was $25 to sign-up/first class. Well, whatever the case may be, you should ALWAYS know what your return on investment should be, it's the only way to be able to assess marketing channel efficacy.

Another strategy you might want to consider is to prepare a survey for your present customers. For example, you could ask:
1) How did they hear about your dojo
2) List three things they like the best about the classes
3) List three things they'd like to change to improve the classes

That would give you a better idea of:
- What places are the best to advertise to your present customer base
- What to put on the flyer to attract customers, since these are things your present customers like
- Things you might want to change/modify to make present customers happier

The thing about design is that it's only a part of the marketing mix.

You can have the BEST looking poster, if it doesn't address your customers' needs, or if it's in a place potential customers don't go to, it will fail guaranteed.

>>281123
One last thing, if you're going to do drop-in flyers you might want to consider adding a coupon/special offer.

Oh I know it sounds cheesy, but there's a reason most drop-ins use it:
- It allows you to determine how effective a marketing campaign is
- It increases engagement

For example, you could add a limited-time coupon which waivers the cost of the first class, so they'd only pay $25 bucks the first time.

Sure, you're not making an extra $15 on that first class, but you're making $25 you might have never had made on a customer that's taking a chance on your dojo, and you might convert some into repeat customers, which is what you TRULY want.

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>>281127
>>281128

Thanks, that's a lot of good tips.

I've already started asking questions, it's just a matter of getting a larger sample size.

Back to the flyer, here is a picture I took the other night with all the stuff from my weapons bag.

I don't carry everything with me all the time, but is that sufficient?

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Business card I'm working on.

>>281270
>Back to the flyer, here is a picture I took the other night with all the stuff from my weapons bag.
>I don't carry everything with me all the time, but is that sufficient?
Is weapon training the reason most of your clients signed up?
Is it something a potential client might be interested in?

You have a poster that
>put up around 75. I got 1100 views on my blog/website and about 10 expressions of interest. 6 people have showed up and 3 have stayed.

That means that elements that you had on the old poster worked.

Instead of adding more elements, work with the elements you already have.

Or, if I were you, I'd reuse the old poster and add a limited-time coupon to see what kind of response I get.

When you have a design that works, that GETS YOU SALES, that's what matters.

Sure, it might not be pretty or win any awards, but IF IT MAKES YOU MONEY, then you need to analyse it and determine what elements work and why, changing ONE thing at a time.

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>>281272

Business card back.

>>281273

Yeah, I used the same elements from that poster in the flyer. It was just a little bit longer (99mm x 210mm) so I added in some pictures and so on.

Weapons training is the unique selling point of the martial art as it covers more weapons than any other martial art in the world.

I'm not really sure what people want out of martial arts training. When I ask around I get the same answers like fitness, self-defense and so on. One of the issues is people don't really know what they want until they see it. My style is so vast and unknown that it is difficult to communicate to people something that they have no knowledge of.

I'm still working on my design. I just don't want to throw away $300 into something that doesn't work efficiently.

Thanks for the advice.

>>281276
>When I ask around I get the same answers like fitness, self-defence and so on.

There you go. If I was to change anything for the last design you used that got you those sales, it would be the text.

Add that your dojo will help people keep fit, improve their self-defence as the FIRST points in your copy.

Then do the EXACT same thing you did before, plaster them on universities. Then see what kind of response you get.

I would NOT do the drop-off promotion.

You're selling a very specialized service, mass communication would almost certainly be a waste.

>>281272

the back and front of this business card definitely gets me hot lmao

not kidding this time.

but what is the nature of the business, graceful tranquility, or energetic cut-you-up stuff? i just don't have time to read into how the moves go in action.

why do i ask the style? the card gives me the impression that this is like a meditation class.

dammit i still like that card as some kinda framed artwork of somethin :x

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>>281278

Universities have unique timeslots where marketing is effective. Coming up to mid-semester I find any kind of posters to be less effective because students are busy with exams and assignments.

I want to see the effect a drop off promotion does have and compare it to other strategies.

>>281286

Thanks.

I've done another mock-up of the back. Hopefully one of those words will strike the imagination of new potential members.

Looking at it now though it feels kinda wall-of-texty.

>>281299
>I want to see the effect a drop off promotion does have and compare it to other strategies.

That's fine. I would still advise you to add the fitness/self-defence text to your flyer, and add the time-limited coupon. Best of luck!

>>280935

well its okay for margins to be inconsistent if there is an actual design purpose behind it.

but yeah, if they are done that way "just because" then no.

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>>281302

I will. Thank you.

Here are the final business card designs.

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>>281374

Back.

I also signed up for google adwords at $70 a month.

I'm going to trial it for that period and see how well the response goes.

At the end I'll tally up all the different strategies I used and their associated costs. Maybe that information will help others in the future.

>>280924
>Samuri School
>in 2016
>not in Japan
>not $200 plus a month membership
Wow, what kind of weeb bullshit are you selling OP?!

Also, boring as fuck design choices.

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>>281376

Martial Arts are dying in Japan.

When I was living there the Judo clubs at the High Schools I was teaching at were in danger of closing (Japanese High School clubs close if there are less than 4 members).

There are plenty of families with ties or lineages to old Samurai schools, but they can't get enough students to stay operational.

Because of my rank I am also limited by how much I can charge students. This is from the top and not something I can circumvent, or want to, because it affects my reputation.

Please elaborate on what you find boring in my design.

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>>281302
>>281286
>>281278
>>281273
>>281128
>>281127
>>281119
>>280960
>>280959

Flyer mock up No.2

>>281383
When you have a coupon, ALWAYS make them limited-time. This encourages customers to act, and limits the amount of freebies you'll be giving.

ALWAYS make clear the costs and what they're getting free. Reading the flyer I'd think I'd get a free class, but if I'm not mistaken they'd have to pay $25 bucks for insurance (which I don't think you'd waive). If I was a customer and I was told I'd get a free class, but then I have to pay 25$ for insurance I'd be pissed.

You HAVE to have the terms/conditions/costs up-front and clearly or you risk getting in deep shit for false advertising.

>>281375

that chunk of diagonal text is not really working for me; it's too much info that causes a strange block, and i think it sorta kills the beauty of the composition.

maybe i haven't seen enough double-sided business cards that are effective (yes i know the backside is there because it doesn't all fit on the front), but Average Joe is probably going to only look at the frontside (like most people overlook).

you have that additional info (because why not)...hold on...why do you have a business card for a martial arts class? the poster itself should suffice.

...or do martial arts classes/culture instructors usually have business cards ready to hand out after the first session is over? curious.

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>>281391

Thanks for the advice. I'll be sure to add it to the next iteration.

>>281394

I didn't think about cards until my students suggested I print business cards so they can carry them around and hand them out to friends.

You could call it an extension to word-of-mouth advertising.

One of my students is a Parkour instructor so he also wanted a few cards he could give to his students.

The only martial arts instructors I know who use business cards are those that run their schools as a business. I don't, but I would like to boost my numbers. I'm hoping cards will increase the amount of people I get through the door and hopefully stay to train.

>>281383
>>281402
Black text on anything other than white is pretty much unreadable. Either add a white outline to the text or fade the background around it to at least be a light gray.

>>281270
Don't bring everything with you to encourage people to at least visit your dojo. Make sure you mention it though, with something like "I don't have everything with me, if you want to see it I can meet you there" (except maybe a little more subtle).

>>281402
>The only martial arts instructors I know who use business cards are those that run their schools as a business.

That's because you they, and you, ARE running a business.

Running your school like a business doesn't mean you have to try and squeeze every single cent out of your students, it can mean providing superior service and ensure your students are happy, that you provide value for their money.

If your school WASN'T a business you wouldn't be charging a fee, and how would you pay the bills?

The business aspect of your school is as important, if not more important, than what you teach.

That's because you can be the best fucking teacher in the world, if you can't get students you'll be... out of business.

It's like being a freelancer. You can be the best designer in the world, if you don't know how to market yourself, how to network and get clients, how to balance your books, you'll be out of business. The business side of freelancing is almost, if not more important, than designing because that's what pays the motherfucking bills.