So... what will we convince applefags to do to their new 1000 dollar toys this year?
My idea: "iPhones now can be charged with strong magnets. Simply place magnet on back of phone and move it around for a few minutes.
>MagCharge
>>62406069
> Simply place magnet on back of phone and move it around for a few minutes.
Not everybody have a strong magnet. It won't do anything to a phone.
>>62406136
Yeah, and we've already done microwave charging.
Rather have something original.
Maybe something with inductive charging on an electric range.
"Lose your charger? Dont worry, wireless charging works on your electric stove! Simply turn your stove to medium low, and place your device on its back on the coil. In 30 min, you have a full charge!"
Resistant to kinetic energy. Super resistent polymer casing that can resist any blow
>>62406069
Advanced sensors can detect when the phone is falling and the surface type.
Dropping phone onto concrete will automatically deploy the reusable inbuilt airbags.
>>62406232
>>62406251
People have an innate fear of dropping their phones while setups like "Wave" or "waterproof" IOS updates is in the realm of possibilities.
Maybe this new AppleGlass™ is resistend to diamond and sand scratches.
Regenerative screen.
By rubbing a silica based material the phone screen will be able to absorve the silica and regenerate from minor scratches.
We might get a few retards that rub sand in it in hopes it fixes their scratched phone.
>>62406227
Doesn't wireless charging work using a coil. Just say it coincidentally works the same way
Maybe something about the curved edges of the display on the X allowing the phone to disperse the energy on impact throughout the phone, meaning there's never enough energy in one spot to shatter so it's safe to drop?
It's obvious bullshit to anyone who passed physics but let's face it the basic dog filter black bitches who fall for this shit definitely didn't.
Though on the other hand I don't think anyone would willingly test it
>>62406227
>>62406305
Also a decent idea but I don't think people would fall for it
>>62406285
Which is all the more reason for them to try it out to see if their fear has been solved.
You've got to do stuff that solves a common frustration and is easily to try out, no one is going to care that their phone is sand proof, yet alone go down to a beach to try it.
>>62406305
Thats a good Idea! It'll heat up all metal and might damage the Memory.
What about saying that Apple included a new USB C charging port behind the Lightning one for future compatibility, and it can be accessed by twisting a screw driver inside? People will try until they find it.
>>62406337
Electric stoves only, kids! If you have a gas range no luck ;)
>NEETs are so butthurt they can't afford an iphone they literally start a campaign to sabotage the product
Many such cases. Sad!
>>62406377
I have an iPhone. Look up "culture jamming."
>>62406069
People believe things that they see on yt videos, make a really nice looking "hey i just found this cool feature" video
>>62406069
>lift top of screen-glass with small screwdriver
>remove the black plastic film "bezel" with a tweezer
>selfiecam and ir-sensor blend in smoothly with the screen
>unlock another 8% of your screen and enjoy the true, bezel-less look of your new iphone
Magnets dont affect phones anymore. Most peripherals use some type of magnet if it be charging, flip cases, and so on. The only shit that magnets destroy are hdds and crt tube tvs
>>62406069
Do you really think this shit will work nowadays?
With the current state of nu-/g/ I'd be surprised if this thread isn't linked in reddit already
>>62406440
the fact that this thread exists, asking /g/ to create another hoax is proof nu/g/ is the majority
that's not how you pull off a hoax
>>62406069
If there was a way to completely fuck up the facial recognition laser/camera/depth reader thing, that would be pretty funny desudesu
>>62406316
No, no.
The all-new 3D camera and neural networks can analyze the environment so you don't have to worry about setting the iCloud lock or calling 911 in case of emergency. Siri will protect you, no matter what happens. You can now make the most daring selfies.
Imagine people falling off the cliff or burning alive or being run over by a car because they thought Siri will help and call 911 if something happens. Think along those lines.
Phone running hot? Want the heat to stop? Apple has placed a small fan within the iphone 8 to stop the heat that is generated. In the new iphone X, they disabled this to save power. To enable it all you gotta do is get your phone upto an excess of 120 degrees which is when the phone will start up the fan and cool your device down forever since they is not autostop.
>>62406069
Magnets won't do anything to the phone except for scratching it at best.
>>62406543
Or to stop the fan you gotta cool your device down in the freezer to subhuman temps
>>62406387
or you can just not buy a smartphone and let the normies succumb to their greed?
anyone who buys a $1000 smartphone is already btfoing themselves, they gotta work $1000 worth of jobs, and theres barely any improvements from the last one so they are barely getting any benefits.
They've already fooled themselves. I can still get by with a phone from 2009
have these jokes ever worked?
>>62406538
Wtf, we're not trying to make people lose their fucking lives you psycho. We just want them to waste their money.
>>62406069
SuperchargeTM now works with your induction stove!
I think we need to do something more software sided that would convince many to give up on apple in general.
We could convince people that icloud has a new feature that allows people to be able to read anyone on your contacts imessage history. We could play it off as a business or social strategy. "That way you always know when your friends and family are free!"
>>62407147
jesus, what a faggot
Tell the retards they can sand off the screentumor.
>>62407121
To a surprising degree.
>>62406069
What would that even do
>>62406069
>sand of the balding hairline to have a full sized screen
>>62407147
if they buy an iphone, they already have
>>62406538
I guess something like this
>>62406069
It's "surgical-grade stainless steel". I vote for autoclaving.
Or just putting in boiling water for sanitizing.
Test out the iPhone X's extreme climate defenses. With a extended period of temperature resistance ranging from -50 to 500 degrees celcuis. Test it out by either placing your iPhone X into a bowl of water and freezing it overnight, to placing it in an oven for the same time.
Apple and SpaceX brings you the iPhone X
>Designed to be the first smarthphone specifically made for space travel
>Battery able to withstand temperatures of -270C in a vacuum, or 150C under 30atm
>Scratch-resistant screen, able to resist space dust
>Space-age circuits, able to go trough the extreme background radiation of space
We just gon have a Nigga holding it
>>62409821
iBlack
Facial recognition technology gives you presents by sharing your iPhone X with the less fortunate, the more selfies to let them take, the more goodboy points you make, which can be exchanged for apple products
just push that Face ID is racist by faking some studies about it not recognizing black faces. Or thinking every black is the same person. Or "leaking" code that says "ape_features=yes" if a black person is scanned. The possibilities are endless.
I don't think anything will beat Wave, it was just too perfect
>>62406227
Probably the best idea so far. At least an electric hotplate has some pseudo-science behind it that could convince someone that it would work. Some Apple customers are thick as shit but it still needs to at least be convincing. If someone makes some kind of poster for it (whatever it is) it needs to read and look like Apple marketing copy as well. The best ones are the ones that at least seem plausible. "Being resistant to hammer blows" doesn't cut it.
I worked in an Apple retailer and even at the height of "Wave", almost nobody came in with a microwaved iPhone. But remember when the 1970 bug was in and everyone was winding their date and time back thinking it would make their phone look "retro"? We had at least 10 of those things a week coming in for repairs. (Even though Apple marketing would never say "and prepare for a wild ride!", everyone somehow still bought it. Pic related.)
You have so much shit to work with this time. The front and back are glass, so there's something about drop resistance. The iPhone X is the first iPhone since the 4/4S to be constructed from Stainless Steel, maybe there's something there. Perhaps something in the software itself, a bug in Face ID that locks the user out of the phone so their data is unretrievable. If it's something in iOS 11, you can reach existing units as well and not just the new models.
Who knows. Neither iOS 11 or the new iPhones are on the market yet so it's still too early to tell.
I think it should be something with the lack of home button. Maybe a certain facial expression takes you home and it looks like you suck cock
iRumble
The phone can detect when it is dropped and will begin to vibrate at incredible speeds to cancel out the force
The best part, some people's phones wont break when they do it so they'll tell others it totally works
The phone comes pre-shattered
>>62407317
wtf? do they really show your password on the fucking touchbar?
the more days pas, the more I see the value of Steve Jobs for that shit company
>>62406069
Please no.
I work in Apple Tech support. The Sept release cycle already has me slammed in OT and we don't want more fucking calls.
>>62406069
That might work if you mention how the MacBooks use MagSafe. The new phones will also feature wireless charging so you mention that as well.
Maybe some thing like "don't buy the AirMat! All it does is __________, you can do this for cheaper with a powerful magnet" or some shit like that.
>>62406069
Okay, let's be seriously this time, we'll say that the new iPhone contains a metalic dust which is carcinogenic, we'll also say that the wireless charging generates radiation that burns your insides.
When you.first set up facial recognition, use a picture of your favorite animal to unlock a unique animoji
>>62406069
maybe the new iphone will detect gaz leaks using the infrared camera?
like just ask people to (((not))) test this at home?
>>62408217
money isnt objectively wasted if they enjoy their purchase
>>62406358
this.
>>62413843
Wouldn't work. Nobody is going to use a screwdriver on their phone.
Paperclip in the bottom left speaker and power button enables fast charging across all cables.
You need USB-C to use iPhone fast charging, but sticking a paper clip into one of the grills enables normal USB. Apple disabled this to sell more USB-C cables.
Paperclip will actually rip a hole through the waterproofing gasket. This is one for the longrun, because the phone won't actually fail until they take a trip to the water and realize it's fucked.
>>62410923
This
>>62411831
>>62413957
damn, this
>stick a paperclip to this specific hole of the grilles to press a hidden button, activating super sekrit features!
>>62411831
This one has potential but I don't see this breaking anyone's toys
>>62411831
I think we have a winrar
>>62411831
then they can just unlock it again with the animal then change the id
>>62406069
we convince them to do a 360 slomo video by doing what this guy does in every video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi8WbdJJCCE
starts at 24 mark
>>62406427
This seems good, but might need some video tutorial with heavy editing, lifting the screen need to be changed as it's probably glued shut.
they incorporated wireless charging for the device already, the microwave trick should do the job.
they would go around asking people if the iphone truly has wireless charging and people would say yes, as long they dont ask about putting it in the microwave then it should be fine
>>62411653
Exactly. And they said Steve Jobs was useless...
>>62407317
>>62411653
This was a bug that was removed but ffs why would anyone who isn't a normie consider the touchbar
>>62406069
how about something to do with solar charging?
>>62406069
>"is your iPhone not turning on?
>"is that battery draining too fast?"
>"here's a simple solution!"
>"just pour some water into the charger port!"
>"This will activate the hydro powered battery within and keep your phone running for hours!"
This has to be done
>>62419005
It's still too similar to the original idea of the microwave charging
>Salty Android lusers mad they can't afford superior tech
Apple has done it again, iPhone is the only device I need to carry with me. iPhone is best of breed in the smart phone space. iPhone X has changed the game once again. I will be purchasing iPhone X immediately.
>>62419043
The IP97 waterproofing reduced the conductivity of the leads in the charging port. A little water in the port will remedy this quick, and due to Apple's IP97 waterproofing, won't hurt a thing.
>>62406069
Try convincing people that they can peel off the "notch" to reveal more pixels underneath.
>>62407103
found the poor person
>>62419133
Fuck. Guess that means crank it up to a gallon of water in the port to get that thing charging
Make them scratch their phones and then claim that it can be removed by washing it.
It's a shame the microwave thing's been done already. That being said with wireless charging maybe, just maybe the normies will fall for it again.
I'd suggest building a ring of aluminium foil around the phone and selling it as 'ultra fast wireless charging Apple don't want you to know about'
>>62411270
regarding pic, someone here has to buy the new iphone X and find an exploit to brick the phone, just like the 1970 date setting.
Convince them IP88 water resistance = Heil Hitler?
>>62419427
>Apple has finally surpassed Samsung's IP67 water resistance and introduced IP88 using proprietary "master-ace" technology.
Rig google to convince them.