What's a good replacement for android? I wanna get off this train.
None, if you want a SJW-free phone then get a phone with an unlocked bootloader that supports lineage OS and don't install gapps.
https://www.amazon.com/LG-A340-Unlocked-Camera-Bluetooth/dp/B00CP8VMNO
https://www.amazon.com/Samsung-T159-Phone-T-Mobile/dp/B008SG2L00
https://www.amazon.com/Nokia-Black-Unlocked-DualBand-Phone/dp/B005UGJD3E
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Original-NOKIA-301-Mobile-Phone-WCDMA-3MP-2-4-Single-Dual-Sim-Card-Refurbished-Cellphone-Unlocked/32821689402.html