Anyone else bring their laptop into the bathroom when they shit?

>>51501649
Can't you handle being separated from your Chinese cartoons for a couple minutes? You're definitely autistic.

laptop, hell no, too big
cell phone will suffice

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>>51501649
A lot of the zips at my boarding school would do that. It was fucking weird. You're weird.

I do it sometimes when I'm programming or studying late at night

I bring my phone and read a book or play blitz chess.

>>51501769
This. The spice must flow.

I need my hands free to pull apart my buttocks and grab the porcelain bowl on impact. Sometimes I lean forward to get in a better shitting position.

>>51501787
>>51501769
wtf is wrong with you?
how do you think to yourself "hmm im going to do a shit, better bring along something to keep me occupied for the 3 mintues ill be in there"
if youre in there longer than that then youre enjoying it a little too much and id guess youre a homosex

>>51501795
<reddit>
you're still talking about shitting, right?
</reddit>

>>51501882
I wish I could shit that quickly.

>>51501882
Enjoying shitting != gay
I take 15 minute shits while browsing on my laptop all the time

>>51501900
Not even him, but how have you never heard of Dune? How is referencing one of the greatest Sci-Fi series of all time a reddit thing?

I like the extra wide diameter shits that make my ass bleed.

>>51501931
>how do xml tags work?

>>51501940
good question
how do they work? (in your mind)

I don't know how you guys manage to use a phone/laptop while shitting. I spend the whole time holding my dick so it doesn't get shit on it.

>>51501916
>15 minutes to shit and wipe
thats wildly inefficient and you should probably see a doctor

>>51501649
Weird autistic cited in 4chan. Business as usual.

>>51501971
>cited
Retard who can't spell spotted in 4chan. Business as usual.

>>51501951
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=xml+for+noobs

>>51501649
I bring one into the bath with me but I take quick shits.

>>51501966
>Forcing quick shits ouy
Why even live?

>>51501649
you are doing it right, i bring something to do every time i go there

>a laptop
>a smartphone
>a newspaper
>a magazine

>that feel when you go in there prepared but it's all over in 30 seconds

>>51501882
>>51501966
if serious, kill yourself

>>51502029
are you indian? do you have to shit in the street?
how can it take more than a couple of minutes once you get the urge to cleanse you bowels? like literally wtf are you doing in there for 15 mintues? is it a constant stream of shit for 15 minutes? how fat are you?

>>51502055
Shit man, I take like five minutes and even then most of that is me reading on my phone. What the fuck are you people doing for fifteen minutes?

>>51502055
>indian
>fat

you can't possibly be serious
no one is stupid enough to pull these ridiculous assumptions out of prolonged time in the bathroom

again, fucking kill yourself

>>51502055
>>51502066
why do bullies get dubs?

anyway, it takes me several hours to shit because 1) since I was in middle school I've only been able to go once or twice a week and 2) I have OCD and have to perform several rituals every time I poop (or enter the bathroom at all)

>>51502055
>constant shit for 15 minutes
No I let it come out naturally, I don't rush myself
While I'm waiting I like to relax and literally shit post

>>51502055
>>51502066
80-90% comes out instantly, then it takes several minutes to get rid of the last 10-20%.

Everyone just assumes you're jacking off in there, especially if you take 15 minutes.

>>51502086
what rational ASS-umptions can there be?
unless you enjoy sitting in there with your pants down and the smell of shit wafting around
for me thats not a pleasant past time but each to thier own

>>51502066
I can fill a toilet full of shit after drinking a pot of coffee.

>>51502108
I jack off faster than I poop

>>51502108
Yeah, nah.

>tfw youre in and out in under a couple of minutes and it was wipeless
this is the way shitting should be done

>>51502128
yeah this

>>51502143
this onyl happens to me like once a year

I did before I have a cell phone, but now that I have one I just bring that.

>>51502143
in my life this has happened precisely once and that was after I had surgery and the nurses shaved my ass for it

>>51502147
>>51502158
You should work on your nutrition, because I have I have a clean shit 9 out of 10 time

>>51502143
Maybe half the time for me it's pretty clean, then there's times where I need to wipe 20 times.

>>51502181
what do you eat? how much hair is on your butt?

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>he doesn't take his laptop into the bath
what's your excuse?

>>51502190
>how much hair is on your butt?
Lots of hair.
>what do you eat?
Lots of protein, healthy fat and long chain carbs like rice or potatoes, no sweets and only drinking water.
Also going to the gym helps too I think.

>>51502158
>and the nurses shaved my ass for it
i don't know how to reply to that...

>>51502224
Are those gummi worms?

>>51502224
looks like a masturbation station to me.

>>51502228
>no sweets
Unnecessary. Cutting sugar out of your diet is what's most important; you can still have sweets.

>>51502228
I do all of that, I literally only eat chicken, rice, and raspberries and drink only skim milk and water, and I can't push out a turd but twice a week, and that's only with enemas

>>51502249
have you tried gummi bears soaked in vodka?

>>51502249
gummy sharks

>>51502251
anon that's gross

>>51501990
Almost. Sighted was the word. Spotted is your dick lad

>>51502224
enjoy dying

>>51502270
Try getting more fiber.
>>51502257
I guess, I stopped enjoying them after some time of not eating them

>>51502271
Nope, sounds like too much effort when you can just drink vodka

>>51502274
>>>51502251 (You)
>anon that's gross
you see, self denial straight off...

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>>51502257
>no sugar
>can still have sweets

>>51501990
Anonymous, also known as "Retard who can't spell," spotted in 4chan
Work on your reading comprehension, anon.

>>51502312
Fuck, meant to reply to >>51502280

>>51502274
I kek'd ffs

>>51502224
Holy fuck I want those lollies.

>>51502287
>eat more fiber
I eat 31g of fiber a day. fiber isn't some magic laxative, man. You should just count your blessings that you have such a fabulous digestive system because it's one in a million

>>51502224
>tfw you realize no company has made a truly waterproof laptop

fml

>>51502055
I just sit there and don't push because I don't want to get rectal prolapse in my 80s.

Also, I actually wipe my ass so I don't smell like shit.

>>51502114
>his shit smells that bad

Get a better diet amerilard

>>51501649
Even better... I have a dedicated laptop just for this purpose.

>>51502066
>Tfw I have IBS.

Shits can literally take 30 minutes, and usually only once every 2 or 3 days. Sometimes there's so much that there's a fair bit sitting above the water line. And no, not fat - 6'2 and 85kg. Thanks lactose and other rapidly fermentable sugars!

>>51502378
he was that one kid in school who always smelled like literal shit

>>51502418
What laptop would you recommend for a shit laptop?

I can shit in less that 5 minutes, either you all have terrible diets or too aspie to sit down and do nothing for 5 minutes.

>>51502551
Keep trying to convince yourself that bringing something like your phone into the bathroom with you isn't common practice these days.
It's pretty hilarious seeing you think you're part of the majority.

>>51501966
>wipe

Jesus Christ just fucking kill yourself you disgusting amerifat

>>51502490
Any laptop works as long as you don't care about it's condition. Preferably you should get it for free.

>>51502565
If you base your opinions and actions on whether or not the majority of people do it you should just honestly kill yourself

Don't try to use that shit to justify such a retarded practice.

>>51502622
I don't.

If you take what people do when they go to the fucking bathroom this seriously, then you should just honestly kill yourself.

>>51502653
Do you think I lose sleep over this? I saw the thread and stated my opinion, which is it's fucking dumb. You're the one who felt offended enough to reply to me.

>>51502108
k

>>51501649
my father has been doing that for as long as I can remember, but he does work on it, and spends nearly an hour in the shitter

If you haven't shitposted while actually shitting you haven't lived.

In general I always have a laptop left in there on a stand anyway. It's cold in there now though so I put on my slippers and take a blanket too. I'm done in like 5 minutes but usually spend at least an hour in there. I find all the best new sites during that time.

>>51502565
>being so autistic you literally cant be away from playing silly phones for 5 minutes
honestly youd be better off just sitting quietly and being in the present moment for once

>>51501649
I used to shitpost while taking a shit until my thinkpad's graphics card detached from the motherboard from lifting it the wrong way and it finally met its end when i broke the fans from putting it on my bed and it blew the backlight inverter.

Everyrime! Hell... I even Skype with my friends while I shit.

>bring my phone to the toilet
>open /g/
>start posting
I truly am a shitposter.

> all those fatties ITT

Taking a shit is a matter of 1-2 minutes for me. How much waste do you lardasses have sitting in your bowels to need 15 minutes to squeeze it out?

>>51502990
MODS

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>>51502224
>tfw no affordable houses have bathtubs here

Funny you should mention that, because I'm on my laptop taking a shit right now

>>51503021

>'mericans

Women or men, nipples are nipples. Besides, it is a cartoon nipple.

Grow some pair and/or do not browse 4chan at work if you are afraid of your employer.

>>51502841
You must shit very quietly.

>he poos in the loo

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this is how it should be done

Who here /nudeshit/ master race?

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>this thread

>>51502224
>Tumblr
reeee

>>51503282
>no WClinux

>>51502055
>constant stream of shit
Topkek you had me cracking up

I do it all the time. I like to take long shits, so I just bring my laptop with me.

I don't, but I know lots of asians who do.
So not autistic, just degenerate.
That said, I do shit in the shower like any self respecting Australian would. Putting my phone in a ziplock is kinda silly, it takes a good 10 minutes to carve the dirt off my face. I just wanna get clean as quick as I can.