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>"How do you not come out as a tool and a tryhard to

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>"How do you not come out as a tool and a tryhard to those who have known you for years?"

Literally the only thing that I resent about myself right now is that I care so much about that.

I go clubbing overseas and at my friends cities and I'm a completely different person. I'm who I truely want to be. When I'm at home I feel like I'm still supposed to fit into the same sub-culture I was when I was 16/17.
>up until 13 skated, went to hardcore gigs, beach lifestyle with group of about 8 mates, 4 chicks.
>from 13-17, had to move to middle of nowhere, hang out with 3 nerdy white kids as everyone else was black
>age of 18 been reserved, working, not really associating with anyone, but to scared to thrive and be the person I really am as everyone I know will think I'm a try hard poser
Getting to the point of not caring about a lot as I reflect on the past and I get angry at what I missed out on. But the one thing I still care about it how every connection I've made over the last five years will judge me or the worst and try discredit my personality without knowing where I've come from.

Endless love to the person who helps me solve my dilemma, 12 months of reclusiveness and still no solution. I'm about to burn every bridge I've made and become an asshole t b h it's making me resentful to every person who has held me down I'm about to break.
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Stop caring about others, faggot, They sure as fuck don't care about you.
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>>10662953
i know that feel.
fuck them. but i have a hard time doing that myself.
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The other guy has the right idea. Stop thinking you're the center of the universe. Just do shit and don't worry about it. If you start to worry maybe this isn't the right hobby for you.
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>>10662990
>>10663000
The thing lingering in my mind is I need the approval of the people in my life in order for me to move forward. If these people think I'm trying too hard or being someone they think I'm not I get the feeling they will stop liking me and if that happens my life will suck as I'm around them five days a week for work.
>inb4 find a new group of people
This is what I'm doing, planning on moving early next year.
It's a lot harder to stop caring about what others think, because you saying you don't care means you care about not caring and that's caring. So everyone cares what people think of them it's just some care about not caring.

>>10662999
It sucks hey
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>>10663039
>Saying you don't care means you care
Massive logical fallacy.

Give it time and maybe you'll grow up op or maybe you're doomed to be a needy fuccboi
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>>10663039
>The thing lingering in my mind is I need the approval of the people in my life in order for me to move forward
don't worry OP, this is something that everyone feels. this is why many people act the way they do, some more than others. but the best thing to do is just overcome it. i find myself slipping that way sometimes and i find the best way to combat it is to get out there and do something/stay somewhere/whatever which forces you to view your life from a different perspective. a week at a mate's place does the trick for me, as does meeting a new girl, or even watching a great movie or something like that. don't be afraid and, like the other dude said, just do things because no one is really watching except yourself.
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>>10663039
The thing is you don't need their approval. How highly do you think of these people? Are they successful when paired against people you do hold in high regard? If not then their opinion is useless and you need to change your mindset about it.
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>>10663039
fuck i'm literally the same

like when i get the idea "i could get this job or move to this place"

i immediately go "but then my peers would think that..." and so on

i dont even see most of them anymore but its like they keep tabs on my life, while in reality they dont i know. but everyone stills asks around "what is John up to" etc

i need to free myself from that aswell, giving a fuck about people not even in my life anymore
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you all sound like gay women losers
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>>10663117
u would know

:(
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>>10663117
lol'd
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fuck, no solid advice on this shit?

"stop caring" yeah right, but how?
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>>10663182
I gave you what I think is a pretty clear answer. It's the thought process that I had when I was getting out of that state of always wanting to be accepted by everyone.
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>>10663188
ok i guess senpai
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yeah, i guess some of them are useless shits with nothing to show for at all.. i can start with that
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but then there are the succesful types that achieve everything ever. it is them that bother me the most obv
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>>10663203
Who are they to you?
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>>10663229
old friends.. a part of the past
but on the rare occasion we meet news are exchanged..
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>>10662953
>when I go clubbing that's who I really am on the inside
What a load of horse radish. What are you even talking about?
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>>10663248
OP is a woman
OP is a vapid whore
Doesn't want people that have known her her whole life to realise this
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>>10662953
OP, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about. If you mean this from a fashion standpoint or a personality standpoint. But I'll give some universal advice to everyone on this board with an anecdote.

I see these threads come up a lot about changing style and having other people notice you're consciously trying to better yourself or change your look. The majority age group on this board is 18-25 and I'm starting to get closer to the end of that group so I've been in your shoes.

1. Like high school, everyone is changing and developing around you. It's a different time, people are on the path to becoming who they want to be as adults. Again, your post is vague as fuck but if you feel you're "who you want to be" when you're outside of a friend group then be it all the time. Life's too short to try and "fit" in with people, that's a high school/clique mentality. You're a big boy (grill?) now.

2. My personal advice: Don't burn bridges. Why do that? You can hang out with old friends but there are friends to make everywhere.

3. If this is about fashion (which I don't think it is but I want to tell this to everyone here). I started changing at around 18 when the MFA look was peaking. Of course I started emulating it and changing my appearance while trying to be a better person overall. I had a group of suburban childhood friends who started noticing what was going on. I felt like I didn't fit into their culture anymore, I felt like they were childish, not on the same page that I was. It was an elitist train of thought. I still feel like we're different now, but they are good friends and they are all changing and trying to better themselves too. They might have just been behind in the "game".

Your normal friends are going to notice you're changing. I experimented with a bunch of styles at that age and I feel like now I'm finally fitting into my look and style more seamlessly.

Comment too long, can write my finishing point if there is interest (1/2).
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>>10663300
OP here continue if you don't mind also not grill.
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>>10662953
You're a narcissist. No-one cares about you as much a you think they do. And you definitely don't need other people's approval to do what you want – you're not a child.
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>>10663615
I just wanted to add that the point of what I was blabbing about was two things:

>1. As my first year philosophy prof said, "you're all hedonists" at around 18-19 in society what humans are doing is just maximizing their pleasure for themselves. And like other anons said, to some extent people are overly narcissistic at this stage of life, only caring about themselves. It's a normal thing, you're trying to figure yourself out, who you are and who you want to be in this world. And you're trying to better yourself in doing that. It's okay to care about yourself.

>2. You should still care about your friends and others at this point. There's that corny saying that friendship is a two way street. You have to both put work in, and doing it with people you like is rewarding. I'm against burning bridges because it's hard to make good friends, but if the street is one way or blocked you kind of have to. The point of my first point was that don't get into the thinking that everyone around you is a pleb, it's elitist and not necessarily true. You definitely do not have to fit into subcultures you don't like. You're free now, do what you want.

/rant (2/2 gg)
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>>10663039
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>>10663837
>>10663300

not OP but that really helped a lot anon.

as cringey and clichéd as it may be, I feel like I haven't been myself in a long time, around my friends, around everyone.

I don't know, I just wanted to be liked and I felt as though acting a particular way or dressing a particular way would help.

and I guess it worked but i'm not myself around these people and it's made me so depressed over the years. I made a lot of very shallow friendships and zero meaningful friendships. there's no one I hang out with and no one that I'm comfortable talking to about things that matter.
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My psychiatrist told me that it can be very difficult to break out of your 'established role' in certain social settings. Everyone expects you to act a certain way, you're used to acting a certain way and so you stay a certain way.

Be whoever you are OP, friendships drifting apart because you're no longer the same people isn't a bad thing. That's simply something that happens in life.
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>>10663110
>>10662953
either move or stop caring what people say about you

about stopping caring: all you have to do is wear what you want and reazlie that your friends are making fun of you because they're jelous. but don't feel for makign them feel bad, you shuold be able to do whatever you want, and if your friend can't handle it, fuck them.

so when your friend says "wow fancy shirt anon, are you trying to impress me or something" just say "haha nah dude just tryign to look fresh" or some dumb shit. just say anything dumb to deflect the comment and move on, the worst thing you can do is sit and stare at them awkwardly

about moving away:i hate to sound like such a faggot, but you only have one life to live. and it is your fuckign life to live. so staying in your home town over fear of 'offending' your friends is a fuckign waste of time. if your friends don't understand that you need to move on, then fuck them, there are plenty of amazing people out there.

i have a friend who went to the university in our home town along with many people from our highschool and he recently told me that he feels like hes still in highschool. i on the otherhand moved away, got a whole group of new friends with a whole range of hobbies/interests,learned tons about who i am, why i am the way i am, other ways to live and started to understand what this life thing is all about.

lastly, if you still live at home, living on your own is much much better and helps you actually become an adult, who does their own groceries, laundry and cleaning, actual life skills.

and if you really really are scared of your friends, say you got a sick job in another city and they probably won't give you too much shit for taking it.

in summary, life is too short to live in fear that your dumbass highschool friends will think you are too cool for them. think of all the people, cities, and jobs in the world, and ask yourself if your situation is the best possible one.

otherwise, change that shit up
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>>10662953
Not fashion you fucking faggot.
>>>/adv/
>>>/r9k/
>>
Ive been there too anon and am only just coming out of this mindset after having been in it for about 3-4 years.

I'm 22 and sort of realising that as I get older the perception shifts from 'Do these people like me?" to "Do I like these people?". I don't mean that in a judgemental or narcissistic way; but sometimes you definitely have to get on an ego-trip in order to shine as an individual.

You just have to keep reminding yourself that everyone feels the same way to some extent. If someone gives you the cold shoulder or ices you out; it is 90% of the time nothing to do with you, but a result of their own feelings of consciousness and inadequacy. Good people know this and knowing that relaxes them and makes them sociable, kind and personable. Bad people know this but choose instead to shift the responsibility elsewhere, to the public of society of whom they are constantly trying to judge how it relates to them, because they are either afraid or uncomfortable to look at themselves and ask the questions you are asking.

It's amazing people can go through their whole life like that...I'm trying not to and getting there. It's tricky because you have to simultaneously put yourself out of your comfort zone in order to better yourself but at the same time be chill and comfortable with it. Find confidence in your hobbies, wear something you hate and dont give a fuck for a day, you'll find once you get home it wasn't even that bad...no one would of poked and laughed at you on the street and I bet the guy that does looks like shit himself.

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." in other words, do not seek the adoration of society by either rising above or being loyal to it; no one expects that. People expect you to make them feel comfortable and thats about it, so stay cool, enjoy searching for yourself; thats what this journey is all about. Sending you the positive chi my friend.
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>>10665536
Glad I could help anon. Good luck with your journey. It will get better
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Came here to post that I didn't read any of this.

Tl;dr: the thread.
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>>10667231
Thank you so much man. I'm not OP, but that really made me feel good. Just, thank you.
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>>10667378
You're missing out man. Best thread I've ever seen.
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File: image.jpg (84KB, 750x592px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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LIKE MC RIDE SAID

FUCK
WHO'S
W A T C H I N G
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>>10663705
fucking this

everybody is more worried about how their hair looks than about what you look like
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>>10662953

dude , nobody's holding you back but you.
be the person you want to be , if somebody dosen't dig you, don't hang out with that person, find people who do dig you.
you don't have to be besties with you work mates.
you have every right to change, it's the right thing to do , soak up everything and evolve constantly.

Im not the person I was 10 years ago.
I'm not even the person I was 1 year ago.

keep going.
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>>10663182
just be patient, when you start browsing fa this shit usually happens, you are like fuck now im trying to be fa my friends will think im gay or a capitalist fucktard.

you know you will go through a lot of phases, just chill and let time do the job. stop caring too much. and try to make new /fa friends but still keeping the old ones if you really want.

ive been in the same situation when i started on fa, now im still with the same friends and some new /fa friends but i keep doing what i want and my old friends dont give a shit desu.
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