/efg/ - Erotic Fiction General

>>7062786
>>7062798
Can I make the human the dominant party and give him a huge cock (~12in)? If so, I can do it as long as you're only looking for a one-shot.

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Need more robutts.

>>7062827

?

You mean like the human as a top and the orcs as bottoms??

Yeah I can live with that, just want a one shot anyway

also make sure the guy looks like a guy when naked and no mindbreaking please?

>>7062832

just wanted to say no shota either if that's alright?

>>7062832
Ok, I'll take the case. I was looking for something to do tonight anyways.
>>7062834
No problem

>>7062842

Thank you man!

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so! prote here, finally threw my stuff into an album. it's a stop-gap solution to the gallery problem and it's quite a mess (how the hell does anyone navigate these things without thumbnails) but most? 99% of it? is in there! probably!

http://imgur.com/a/3mDEg

>>7062865

Double extra neat!

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Would you?

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Still working on my Silent Hill story plus the request I said I'd take up. Anon who requested it, if you're still here, don't lose hope!

>>7061794

relinking, as it was posted while the prev thread was dying

Just poking my head in to say I'll have an update soon.

>>7062824
Posting this again since I really need critique on it. It'd be a bummer to have made all the changes people suggested and get no feedback. If it's worse than before, don't be shy on saying why.

Hardly Adamantine(part 2):
>tags: drow, dark elves, femdom, chastity, D&D
http://pastebin.com/BV4eYAL0

>>7062842

Sorry if I'm asking and it's only been a few hours but how has work on it been?

Can someone link me to a story called The Pariah ?

the quick version is its a girl named Michelle stealing life sort of from this jock

>>7063022
Don't know the story, but I might be interested in it as well.

And speaking of life stealing, what're people's opinions on life drain and soul stealing, the "hardcore" succubus variety for instance? Where the girl leaves the guy a dry husk or a steaming corpse once she's done? Frankly it's just snuff, I suppose. It's a huge fetish of mine so naturally I'm inclined to write about it, but it'd be nice if a person or two would be interested in such things as well.

>>7063036

I've read a story like that where the guy was continuing to have sex with her as he withered into a corpse. It was pretty good.

I see that it can be good. Like will the person be able to enjoy every second of their last hurrah? Will they have a breakdown as they are forced to pound them and feel themselves wasting away? Or anything else you have in mind?

I'd like to read what you have in mind though.

>>7063064
I have a range of different ideas, based on different types of draining, not sure which I'd write first, the "paradise" or the "hell" versions. I'll be sure to post them if I write them, though.

>>7063015
Making progress. Just getting to the sex part. I can't work on it any more tonight, but I can post the WIP version if you want and I'll try to finish it sometime this weekend.

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Did anything happen to that potential smut-off last thread?

>>7063094

can you post the wip version if possible?

>>7063094

Also take your time man

I'll be around all weekend if you need me for anything

>>7063125
Orc Trouble
http://pastebin.com/wF2uSFCC

No action yet, but it's about to happen. Sorry, I was a bit lazy, and didn't name the characters. I'm also too tired to come up with a decent title at this time of night, so it has a boring placeholder. If you think this is going in the right direction, I'll pick up working on it again tomorrow.

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>>7062824
Wrong links. again. OP, please get it right and put the following links in the opening copypasta from now on.

Master smut list:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ccAAmGecQiEE5ywZc4S4d1347WuMPEsF3DbSNAS4LRo/edit

Recent entries
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1i7J7K_YNvIemfZ7p4rYB7kJMdvzrqSeAuYkj_Bb9uyw/edit#gid=1806897118

Discord (old link does not work):
https://discord.gg/vYwdHes


In fact, I'll try to make it myself when the thread's near the bottom of the catalog, that way people won't keep reposting the outdated OP.

>>7062828
You're in luck, Here's what I have of my robutt fic series so far, including what I have of the one I'm working on. If you haven't read these, start with Electric Sleep and work your way down- they're in chronological order.

Electric Sleep (sci-fi, human x gynoid, plot-heavy, masturbation(female), oral (female), vaginal, vanilla)
[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mB4lminFjIl2qWjgwl6xvdXBC5r8g1JjksBmc1iSxr8/edit

Electric Dreams (sci-fi, human x gynoid, vaginal, vanilla)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FpiZCx6x9HZDSOjw2viTaYSNynZ0EJIo9aHhKfgvglo/edit

Electric Awakening, Part 1 (sci-fi, human x gynoid, plot-heavy, titfuck, vaginal, vanilla)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LYGFJGIuNSbnsrtSQ0UjUDX1GrTnRaK0WyNdDKtfP8g/edit?usp=sharing

Electric Awakening, Part 2 (sci-fi, human x gynoid, plot-heavy, no smut)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O-MKTl3BW-QvTBLiQbNCr0Aw_KxNHPcRmK2mthekbwE/edit?usp=sharing

(NEW) Electric Awakening, Part 3 (plot, no smut yet, WIP):
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rvGTxwmGcj_odO6wApHyBqInkBBREeOpNad2L9Djk10/edit

My update schedules have been sporadic at the best of times, but if I end up adding more to it I'll be sure to let you all know.

>>7063124
I hope so. As far as I know, this is the prompt- apart from following it, anything goes.
>Two outcasts bonding over something small.

>>7063157

Yeah I like where this is going

If I may suggest something, as the orcs begin to undress as their about to take their pants off can you have the human stop them and have them turn around as they do it slowly? As he really enjoys big behinds or so?

I'll be here all weekend if you need me for anything. Keep up the great work!

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>>7063194
>Two outcasts bonding over something small.
I can deal with that. Should we have a word limit?

>>7063198
I don't think we ever decided on one, so I figure there's no need.

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Updated my story. This time I fixed a decent amount of what issues where with it the last time.

Got rid of overly bloated sentences, fixed grammar and spelling errors, tried sticking to one form of tense and just generally cleaned up.

An Unholy Union: http://pastebin.com/rQjBRELM

After I have this done I'm gonna work on the prolong I have in mind for the story from a HUGE section I cut out but didn't want to just let go to waste.

Gonna head in for the night. I'll do more work tomorrow.

>>7063194
>Two outcasts bonding over something small.
If that's what we're doing, I'm doing it.

How did the smut offs work on /tg/? Do we have a deadline?

>>7062865
Took your sweet time !
Thanks you !

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>>7061535
>Dennis sandwich

>>7063238
None really, though we'd try to get it done by the next week or so.

>>7063238
Traditionally by next weekend.

>>7063585
>>7063752
Of course, that was back when our threads were faster and constrained to weekends. Now, I'd say about next week would be a better equivalent.

Updated

http://pastebin.com/nd9n8ste
Discipline
By Cornelius
Tags : Futa x Female, “romance”, incest, collaring, fingering, exposition, kissing, cockwarming, hand holding, Forced Exhibitionism, Face Fucking

How is everyone doing on their projects?

>>7064194

i started doing the challenge, but i'm about 10k words over the maximum limit now and have just decided to make it a regular story. i feel kind of bad

>>7064214
I thought we didn't set a word limit.

I'm looking for a specific 40k story where a bunch of sororitas get captured by tyranids and mind controlled. It also involved breath play. Anyone know where to find it?

>>7062865
:V greetings from other places, please continue to draw your horn ladies enjoying horn accessories

>>7064194
>project

Say what? What did I miss?

>>7064368

Was just asking about how people were doing with their fics if they're writing any

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>>7064369
Oh. I thought there had been some formal thing going on that I didn't catch in the last thread.

PWA5 has ground to a halt, for some reason. Not sure why.

If anyone has any other ideas, throw 'em my way. Maybe I'll go for it.

The Player Witch Augment
http://pastebin.com/bPDQRrM1
>tags: cock growth, huge penis, small penis humiliation, masturbation, exhibitionism, witchcraft, futa, autofellatio, walla walla bing-bang

Player Witch Augment 2: Paranormal Virility
http://pastebin.com/Fnfk6knG
>tags: cock growth, huge penis, small penis humiliation, lots of come, eating come, come in food, witchcraft, exhibitionism, autofellatio

Player Witch Augment 3: Sometimes They Come On Your Back
http://pastebin.com/tE2wtWGg
>tags: cock growth, huge penis, small penis humiliation, oral sex, premature ejaculation, eating come, witchcraft, exhibitionism, female-on-female, female-on-futa, handjob

The Player Witch Augment 4: Hocus, Poke Us
http://pastebin.com/tCPmkVgh
>tags: male-on-female, female-on-female, huge cock, small cock humiliation, other humiliation, public nudity, large insertion, anal, magic

hey, jsut asking if anyone recalls a story I once read on literotica I think.
it was about some teen that got a job as a photographer's assistant and is persuaded into crossdressing for a shot. it ends with him blowing the other model on the set.
would appreciate if anyone knows the title of it.

Hey Parallax, may I ask how my request is going?

Sorry I keep asking about it, just really excited for it.

>>7064268
That would be Mind Games. Should be on the list.

>>7064468
Thank you kindly based anon.

A few weeks ago, someone mentioned that my tags/categorization on my website was completely broken. I actually finished fixing most of it (though I haven't quite tagged every story completely). https://tsade.com/

I also found out that I have over 2.1 million words on the site. So, to get to three million.

Sadly, still working on obligations, Puppy Mill 2, a Card Captor Sakura commission, so I can't get to the one request from here (the solar super hero one).

>>7064517
May I ask what you write?

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I'd like to request a story following a goo-girl as she lives her life in a future-fantasy setting (fantasy races and magic and all that, mixed with megacities and skyscrapers and rocket ships). She works at a clinic or a hospital (or something more fitting, at your discretion), and offers a very hands-on (goo-on?), all-encompassing (sometimes literally) service for her patients, and promotes safe-sex at all times (which just means she's usually hugely distended with dozens of condoms, each generally full of an obscene amount of semen as she lives in the 'bigger' part of town).
She shares an apartment with a fairly regular girl, who the goo-girl considers to be her 'girlfriend' despite neither of them really being monogamous, but they do cuddle up on the couch and share a bed, so it's close enough in her eyes. Usually the first thing the goo-girl will do when she gets home is to get rid of all the condoms she's got floating around in her, which generally means she puts them inside her 'girlfriend', in one form or another (usually by growing a penis and pumping the raw semen straight into her vagina and sealing it in with a blob of goo or, if she's willing, pushing her entire body into her 'girlfriend's' stomach, condoms and all). Sometimes they go out on the town with the condoms/semen still stuck inside her 'girlfriend', with her belly obviously bloated, sometimes with the goo-girl still riding along inside her when they go out.

>>7064910
Hmmmmm.....

Maybe.

When you say the goo girl is pumping the semen into the girl's "stomach," do you mean her actual digestive tract? Because unless she's smuggling jizz into Mexico, that sounds like a bad idea (and a choking hazard).

This could be interesting.

>>7064546
Whatever turns me on? Almost everything? I'm a pansexual in general and have strange interests. I really love fantasy fucking, large cocks, and hentai-level scenes. I've done stuff with tentacles, submission, ponies, puppies, bestiality, transgender, cross-dressing, huge cocks, lots of messy stuff, twinks, demons, pregnancy, amputee, cannibalism, zombies, dragons, lots of violence, and a bunch of other stuff. I've written quite a few commissions over the years, mostly mind control and snuff. I have a number of Overfiend fan-fics, if you like that.

The fantasy stuff is in the Nine Sisters My first published novel and my big series (Puppy Mill, Derik's Luck) are all in that category.

I'm also fond of sci-fi. My second published novel (dino porn called Eliza and the Raptor) is in that setting (Web of Stars).

My current work in progress are Puppy Mill 2 (amputee, epic fantasy, fucking gods). I'm going to start posting that weekly in a month or so. My previous ones were Dolcett Girls (lesbian cannibal romance), Puppy Mill (600k words), and Omelas 2 (huge tentacles, oviposition/eggs, brutal).

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>>7064374
Finally finished it.

The Prayer Witch Augment 5: Miss Peregrine's Homo for Peculiar Adults
http://pastebin.com/034cvbMP
>tags: female-on-female, female-on-futa, futa-on-futa, exhibitionism, fellatio, anal, huge cocks, cock expansion, magic, come to beautiful hawaii

>>7065185

Your story so far is good but, I'm not sure were it was going.

I really was intrigue at the beginning when she couldn't get rid of the cock. I'm wondering if you'd be willing to write a story about a girl whose dick keeps getting bigger despite her effort to get rid of it. Maybe it even grows to city block size eventually.

Just to keep this thread going

Anyone ready for the Sun and Moon demo next week?

>>7065633
You bet I am. Going to be hell on my already bad attention span though.

>>7064214
Who the fuck set a word limit for the smutoff? Whoever it was is a faggot.

>>7065633
You better believe it.

Also wanted to ask what I should tackle next after my SH story and the requester Kobold story.

Between:

Ornifix of Dark Souls OR Deathclaw from Fallout?

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>>7065633
I'm back baby.
I'll have a nice big update for you guys later tonight.
Also Omega my man, are you still considering doing that Borealan male on human female fic I pitched? If you've not started work on it yet I'll have a crack at it if you don't mind.
70k words of femdom is enough to burn even me out, I feel like doing something different.

>>7065727
I know the guys in the scaly general on /trash/ would worship you if you posted a Deathclaw fic there.

snek, a thought occurred to me:

Due to how borelean society is structured, there are gonna be omegas, the bottom of the bunch that have effectively no power, no choice of job/sexual partners ect..

Could be interesting to see how that works out.

and on the smut side, that underclass might be very drawn to humans since we aren't structured as, and don't recognize such rigid hierarchies, i.e. they might not be bottom of the barrel to a human.

>>7065969
That's a very good observation. I might add that to the next Borealan story.
I'm taking all of your guy's feedback and rolling it all up into a big ball ready for the next fic after the Krell one is done.
>Omega-tier Polar Borealan human otaku stationed on Pinwheel as a medic has a romance with an amputee who is having prosthetics fitted

>>7064042
Did anyone read the update here?

>>7066015
Gimme some time and I'll have a look at some of the stuff that was posted while I was gone, just want to get this update out first.

>>7065995
>borelean quarters is wall to wall bruce springsteen posters

>>7066015
I'm gonna say this right up: I hate nut-less futa.

That said, the writing is fine, with the exception of the struggle to breathe and the potential oxygen-deprivation high being given very little love.

It's not much in the way of feedback, but I hope it helps.

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>>7066112
>I hate nut-less futa.

>>7066187
o/

Musky, churning balls that slap chins and asses, going from dry bumping to wet, sticky impacts as they become coated with drool (or grool).

You can lick them, you can suck them, you can kiss them, you can even abuse them. You can bury your face I them and down yourself I their heady stink.

They just add so much.

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>>7066195
Are they wood chip scented?

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>>7066195
I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree there.

>>7066207
wtf, how did you come upon this image and have you been waiting to use it for years?

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>>7065995
I just recalled an idea for a story, with a student who discovers girl at his school/university is secretly a cyborg/amputee with interchangeable limbs.

Would eventually lead to her using alternate chassis for legs, such as a naga-tail instead of traditional feet or feline/canine arms or legs for doggystyling, or a heeled feet.

>>7066222
https://youtu.be/uyNJZ-2Dod4

>>7066225
That sounds like it has a lot of potential for weird and creative encounters.

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>>7066112
>>7066187

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>>7066227
I will now think of this every time I see a futa thread, thank you.

>>7066228
There's a special circle in hell for people who try to apply logic to porn. And that circle is filled with thorn-barbed cocks.

>>7065995
Something I want to see?

How Polar Borealans have feasts when celebrating.

"What's that you say? The skinny twigs over at the temperate zones had a few snacks and became immobile? Please. Let us show you how REAL Borealans feast."

>>7066257
Oh yeah, I'm sure they'd eat a lot more. Gotta maintain the fat reserves.

>>7066279

Oh I'm sure they'd eat comically large amounts of food(and tease Dennis over not being able to do the same), but the how, why, and the aftermath are also all what I'm equally as interested in.

You think you'd be up for commission on all that anytime soon? It has a ton of potential for fun.

>>7066314
Sure, if I was going to take a commission I wouldn't mind that at all, it aligns with what I like to write, and I already know what you're into.
I want to avoid spoilers but there will be plenty of opportunities for Dennis and the Polar Borealans to interact in the future without me needing to make any drastic plot changes.
As long as you'd be ok with me posting it for everyone to read of course.

Current game plan is:
>finish Fineprint
>do Borealan M on human F if Omega hasn't claimed it yet
>do a shorter standalone Orc fic for the guys who don't like the Krell story
>do Krell story
>do Polar medic on human amputee story

I'm sure I could fit it in somewhere, depends what kind of length you'd want.

>>7066322

I don't really like putting caps on stories I commission, I just let the author write what comes naturally and worry about the bill later. I'd rather pay alot for an amazing story I'll remember for a long time, than save money and get something much lower quality.

Do you have anywhere else to reach you outside of 4chan? I'd like to discuss details and pricing and whatnot.

>>7066330
Sure, my email is [email protected]

>>7066338

Sent you an email!

>>7065513
I doubt I'll do anything like that, but after this diversion to Hawaii, I think the 'plot' will start to move forward.

>>7066112
Hermaphrodites cant have balls and an accessible vagina. Tis the cost of keeping the story grounded.

Just a question, how long do you guys think chapters should be? Is about 4k to 8k words ok, or does it not really matter?

>>7066453
I think chapters should be split up by what's happening in the story instead of length.

>>7066454
That sounds logical, but is there any point breaking up a 60k word story into only 8 or 9 sections, if the goal is to make it easier to read?

>>7063274
I think it really works. One thing Snekguy needs to work on is describing the size difference a bit more.

>>7066453
I don't think chapters should have a specific determined length, as long as it goes as far as you want it to go for a chapter.

>>7066471
Ok, I guess I'll just post it and see what you guys think.

>>7066470
Oh sure, I guess I don't put enough emphasis on that. Good point.

>>7066228
As I said before, there's nothing wrong with bifurcation of the seminal vesicles and the suspensory ligament of the penis is at the top of the penis and attaches to the symphysis pubis. A vagina isn't going to get in the way of that.

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Former Rich Boy Mage gets thrown out and becomes a monster girl tamer, Not my story but I wanted people who might be interested to see it. Involves some monster girl abuse and sexual scenes are not common or uncommon.

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/935

>>7066503
>monstergirl tamer
Define "tamer". Is he selling them off, using them to fight other monstergirls of other "tamers", or just using them as his personal harem?

>>7066544
All animals are mosnter girls it seems, and with out being "tamed" by a human on a regular basis they become nothing more than beasts, Slaver pretty much.

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Dumping.

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4500 word update, now with chapters! Current count is 57,899 words, why am I doing this to myself.
New content at "When he was finished drying off, he retrieved his clothes and dressed"

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
Tags so far (that I can remember):
>smoking, drinking, kissing, biting, femdom, gentle femdom, dubious consent, rape, scratching, oral, female ejaculation, blowjob, handjob, tailjob, vaginal, light bondage, bathing, girl on girl, group sex, dirty talk, large breasts, size difference, furry, muscle, chubby, cuddling, sweat, hair pulling, leash, leg locking, creampie, rough, massage,

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Can't remember if I already posted any of these

>>7066592
I remember this one, but it's awesome, so don't stop!

>>7066597
>That see-throught shirt
As hard as the Primarch's will.

>>7066597
Dat bulge.
Besides Jack from ME2, that's the only hot bald chick I've ever seen.

>>7066112
Well, I was concerned about making the first fuck between Ally and Evaline too brutal. I felt that it would have been strange to progress that quickly.

Sorry about the nutless thing though, was just a choice I made to keep enough room between her legs.

It's good to know someone is reading it though.

>>7063227
The setup of this is just hilarious to me, it's like a Robot Chicken sketch. I mean that in an entirely complimentary way. I noticed a couple of problems with you switching tenses from past to present without much rhyme or reason, might want to look out for that in editing and make sure it's consistent.
In general I like your description of the nurse, and I'll be disappointed if there isn't a massive twist at the end where he's hallucinating the whole bizarre scenario while a monster eats his face or something.

>>7064042
Seriously nice buildup for this, the sex scenes are good, and although I'm not really into some of the content, I have no complaints where structure is concerned. I thought the dynamic between the characters was very well thought out.

>>7065185
Really good as usual D., I laughed at them fucking in the church.

>>7063013
You definitely have breaks and dialogue figured out, that's nice to see, but you need to break those paragraphs up a bit, it's quite hard to read as it is. I liked the sex scenes but I felt like the dialogue was a bit stiff, however I'm not familiar with the setting and maybe that's intentional? If you wanted the characters to come off that way then never mind, you succeeded.

>>7066688
Thanks snek, there will be more of course.

>>7063157

Hi Parallax its thenguy who requested the orc fic.

If I may ask. Hows progress on it going?

>>7066688
Thank you Snek! I know, I've had issues with using past and present tense and I really need help with that. I'm trying to study it more to so I fully understand what I'm doing wrong or right.

And come now. Its Silent Hill! Its bound to have a mind fuckery ending!

>>7066751
Sorry, ended up having much less time to work on it this weekend as I'd anticipated. Some friends came to visit and I couldn't exactly write dirty stories with them hanging about. I am still actively working on it, but I don't want to give another date I can't absolutely guarantee I'll hit. That said, I can assure you I will finish it ASAP and will not work on any other stories until I finish yours.

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Can I make a request for a fic about a futa dragon girl turning a princess she kidnapped into her personal cumdump?

>>7066825

That anon here

Thank you for letting me know

take your time, I have this thread watched if you need to ask me anything

http://pastebin.com/cUkFbndt
Discipline
By Cornelius
Tags : Futa x Female, “romance”, incest, collaring, fingering, exposition, kissing, cockwarming, hand holding, forced exhibitionism, face fucking, roleplay, piss drinking, consensual sex in the doggie position for the purpose of procreation

That was a fun scene. Tell me what you think.

Any Parasite Eve-like stories? Aside from the googirl fetish, I've always loved it when organisms possess and corrupt women.

>>7066913
I enjoyed the sex scenes, and I like the characters. I'd really like seeing more interactions between all three characters.

>>7066322
Medic story after.

>>7066590
Nice to see him become self aware of the situation. NW

>>7067100
The story isn't at a point where it can be smutty with all three characters at the same time.

Althought to be honest, I don't know what my next scene is going to be.

>>7067153
It wouldn't have to be smut, just regular interactions between roommates. It might make for good filler and act as a segue.

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>>7067162
>roommates

>>7067091
What are some of your favorite stories on this topic?

>>7066846
What if, the dragon was a female, and the princess was a Futa, and turns the tables against the Dragoness, and turns her into the prisoner/cumdump

>>7066590
Wow Xhe is a bit of a bitch. So much for trusting her I suppose.

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Requesting Batman getting fed up with Catwoman's shenanigans and turning her into a mind broken cock-worshiping slut via rough sex.
Preferably from her POV.

Trying to find a story I read a while back, and I don't remember what it was called or where it was and was wondering if anyone could help. Follows a gigalo to monster girls and the business woman kitsune that hires him and their eventual relationship. Anyone know what I'm talkin about?

>>7067539
pretty human

can't remember the name
something asian, taba-something?

>>7066255

There is nothing wrong with mindless porn, but sometimes going the extra mile pays off.

Original guy who asked for a cock growth story here.

Thank you very very much.

someone give me inspiration to use this insomnia to write!

>>7067616
What sort of stuff do you like?

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>>7067623

turns out my insomnia isn't actually insomnia, just too much caffeine. now that i've come down i'm pretty sleepy

as for what usually inspires me? i have no idea. my last fic that i posed earlier in the thread was inspired entirely by this picture here. a seed was sort of planted and it just grew. i've never understood it and any attempt to replicate it never works out

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>>7067616
I suggest writing something based on Dragon Cuntboy Knight.
It's been a while since he's gotten new material.

I DID write this last night on /tg/ in a dragon thread, and get banned a week for it. I respect the mods for it, and admire them being a regular /co/mrade with strict mod punishment experienced.

Alright, autorefresh tool. I'm trusting you to bring me another snekguy update while I sleep. Don't let me down

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>>7067715
I'm on the case.

>>7066503
I enjoyed it, even if it is unfinished and has several flaws. Didn't bother reading the rewrites though, so I don't know what I'm missing.

>>7067633
Meh, it's an old meme by now. There isn't much that can be done with the concept that wasn't done already.

Where's that second person anon?

I want to try writing a light novel, yet I suck at writing in second person.
Do you guys think it would be possible in third person?

>>7067463
>xhe
cancer

>>7067532
>>>/aco/

>>7067887
First and Third person perspectives are almost always a better choice than second. First is better for describing a single character's thoughts and emotions, third is better for giving a panoramic view of multiple characters and situations. The only time Second person writing works is if you're writing for people you know will understand and emphasize with your character. Otherwise, every time you write "You feel this, you think this", your audience is going to think "no, I don't."

>>7067889
Xhe is the name of the character, dickhead, not her pronoun.

>>7067889

Cancer located. Is being a bitter little faggot with an extra chromosome fun?

>>7067893
Maybe I was thinking of first person.
Well balls.
How would people feel about it if I went between first and third person inside of a novella?

>>7067895
tumblrinas change their name to guarantee people will use the correct pronoun

Glorious.

>>7067899
What are you even talking about?
How would you feel about leaving the thread and coming back when you've learned not to behave like you're on /v/, and can communicate like a well-adjusted human?

>>7067899
>tumblrinas change their name to guarantee people will use the correct pronoun

Xhe is an actual name.

It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly easy it is to trigger you delicate little channettes.

>>7067913
Nobodies triggered, you sped.
I'm merely making an observation.

Sure are a lot of people whining about other peoples fetishes in here. The thread has really gone to shit since I last checked on it.

>>7067926
Besides some bantz about futa testicles, I've not seen anything of the sort.

>>7067602
You remember what site it was on?

>>7067623
Just throwing in my two cents, what inspires me ranges between what catches my interest at the moment or just generally wanting to make something that I like.

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>>7064910

All right. I've officially started on this one. Not sure when it'll be done.

Slime of Your Life
Coming This Fall to /efg/

>>7067591
Shit responded to wrong person, remember what site it was on?

Slime? Sign me up.

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4500 word update, new content at "She pressed her lips against the nape of his neck, like a predator about to deliver the killing blow"

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
New tags:
>face sitting, doggy style, pillow biting, maledom

>>7067718
I've been thinking about your story while at work. At first I was mad at Xhe for her actions. Now I see how tragic the situation is. She doesn't want to admit to herself that she wants him. That's she jealous of the others. The primarch pretty much cycled her. So now she's gone horny cat crazy. But I get the feeling she really loves him.

Dennis on the other hand just sees her advances as normal borealan behavior. He become very amblievant towards it now. Like it's a chore. Making Xhe even more frustrated.

I feel really bad for both of them honestly.

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>>7067967
Ah, thank you! I'm in no rush, so take your time.

>>7067982
That's very perceptive. Perhaps I should give Xhe a bit more closure before it ends.

>>7067998
Uh, isn't Xhe from Fineprint the same character from Pinwell? Was she demoted to become a secretary because of what she did in the previous story?
I just find odd that none of this was mentioned so far.

>>7068032
Yeah, it's the same character.
I didn't think detailing her backstory was necessary in Fineprint seen as she only had a small roll in Pinwheel, just one scene where she gets KTFO by a Krell, and it wasn't really relevant to Fineprint's plot.
Just thought it might be fun to have a minor character come back and see how many people noticed.
Quite a lot as it tuns out!

>>7068038
>as she only had a small roll in Pinwheel

Jesus, she must be starving by now!

>>7068046
Alright Rodney Dangerfield.

>>7065633
I am and i am absolutely hyped! I'm just hoping we get some new goofy looking megas and i'll be happy! <3

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I'd quite like to see a story or series of pictures where speech has no importance to the characters - or rather, the lack of speech is important. As in, a loving domestic relationship where the two characters can't communicate on a higher level due to something, like one of them being mute or some kind of monster (Reasonably, most monsters lacking lips or human-like palates wouldn't be able to make anywhere near the same sounds without a lyre-bird-like ability to imitate noises, and the ones who do probably wouldn't speak the same language anyway) but they still display their affection through gestures and simple acts.
Any sort of plot, just focusing on two mostly silent characters loving each other despite the odds.

>>7068259

That sounds quite difficult to write.

>>7068321
It would probably be better as a comic or a set of images.

>>7067539
>>7067965
Author's name is Taiyakisoba. SIte is Archive of Our Own.

>writing a scene with at least 4 unnamed female characters all taking to one another and moving around

Aughhhh

Fucking pronouns man

>>7068375
And this is why most of us shy away from writing gay threesomes/moresomes. The pronoun trouble is all but unavoidable.

>>7068375
Haha, wow, that sounds like absolute hell.

Post it!

---

On a completely unrelated note, I have a grammar question that has absolutely stumped me. I want to say "This URL passes if it doesn't match any blacklists, and, either there are no whitelists, or at least one whitelist is hit."

But I feel like that is too many commas. My question is about what punctuation to put around the "and." Should it be:
1) "...blacklists, and, either...", indicating pauses in speech (usually a red flag if this is the only justification you can think of)
2) "...blacklists and, either...", since the and is joining two conditions, not 3 or more, but the "there are no whitelists" part is a sub...clause (? I don't know the words for grammar, sorry!) of the second condition?
3) "...blacklists, and either..." <- I don't know why you would do this, but my friend likes this one.

Help me, fellow grammar autists, you're my only hope.

>>7068451

you don't need the word 'either' in that sentence. course unless its a manner of speaking that particular character does, you may want to rework it into two sentences.

"If it doesn't match and blacklists, and as long as it matches one whitelist, or there are no whitelists, the URL passes."

is how i'd do it. *gives two pennies*

>>7067236

I suppose something like this is a start

http://www.mcstories.com/BodyShiftersSarahsTransformation/index.html

Either I read too much of XXXcecil's stuff (his take on the BSU is also full of my favorite fetishes.. minus the water main-thick cocks) or the shifters aren't really as powerful as I thought. But either way, a shifter slowly transforms some guy's wife into a shifter herself.

>>7068451
When you can't figure it out, work around it.

I think a colon is the easiest way to avoid dealing with the commas and keep it as one sentence. Something like
>The URL passes only under these conditions: it matches a whitelist, or there are no whitelists and it is not blacklisted.
Though now I'm not sure if that comma is correct either. Grammar is hard.

Or invert it to simplify the logic.
>The URL fails if it matches a blacklist and isn't whitelisted.

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>>7068046
Anon you madman. My mortal sides weren't ready for this.

>>7068456
>>7068484
Err, sorry, that was a terrible example, because I was trying to put programming logic into words, and programming logic can be rearranged. Here's a better one: http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/185641/should-there-be-a-comma-after-and

>She spread her arms, tilted her head back, and, closing her eyes, let the sun warm her face.

The order is more important here because the author is describing actions unfolding as if in a movie scene.

I also found out what this was called: a paranthetical comma.

>>7068484
>Though now I'm not sure if that comma is correct either. Grammar is hard.
The colon is definitely correct, but, (HERE IT IS AGAIN, this parenthetical comma. I guess I use it a lot) at least by american rules, you need a comma before your "and" at the end there.

Thanks for weighing in, both of you. I'll try to avoid these sentences in the future, but I think I'll use option 1 in the future.

>>7068511
>redundant 'in the future'
Kill me.

>>7068259
Would two characters not speaking the same language count for this? Or one character who cannot vocalize the other's language and has to sign or type to communicate?

>>7067967
The balls look out of place and holy shit her torso.

>>7068648
Eh, balls look fine if that's your thing. Waist is way too high for a generic human form, though.

>>7068648
>>7068665
I didn't draw it. I found it on imagefap. I figured since the request suggested she'd grow a penis, I used it.

I've been looking on imagefap to find images for OP when nothing comes up on google, rather than googling retarded images of crocodiles like I did for Lock Croc.

Who's is open for commissions?

Just let me know! Got a few ideas and money to spend.

>>7068754
I think you also have to pitch your idea here. No one can write everything. You have to find someone who can at least relate to your fetish/what you want.

>>7068473
Amen this is a beauty. Anything like this would be great.

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>>7068259
>>7068321
That pretty much describes my Snek series.

A Viper (lamia) from XCOM has a romance with a human while not being able to communicate without a tablet computer (which she has very briefly at the start of the first story) and while trying to avoid detection by the authorities.
Viper vocal cords are completely incompatible with human speech, and as they get to know eachother better they learn to communicate through gestures.

Snek:
http://pastebin.com/DVTusz4B
Snek 2:
http://pastebin.com/z2wJLg7V
Snek 3:
http://pastebin.com/GnT0gJaS

Tags are light bondage, femdom, size difference, and a bunch of sex acts.
I have free Ebooks for these if you'd rather read them that way, the series is about 40k words in total.

>>7067979
More Ursi loving has me hyped.

>>7068806
I just woke up, I'll get started on that soon and hopefully finish the scene by tonight.

>>7068374
You're a great anon. The pretty human story is by sea foam, but Taiyakisoba has alot of other works I like as well that I had forgot. Thanks.

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Oh fuck tails can be used as blindfolds, why have I never thought of that before now?

>>7068808


I can barely contain the hype for more Ursi loving, and specially on what they do next, given the situation

So, it took a hell of a lot of digging through the wayback machine, but I was able to track down the rest of that human/dragon merging story from earlier. This might be the last place it exists.
http://web.archive.org/web/20040210142244/http://users.transfur.com/HEDONISM/astories.htm

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>>7063227
I said it last time, but I'd really quite love to go through and edit your story and annotate all the little niggles, since it's mostly mistakes that you probably just need a new set of eyes to properly catch, and trying to point out everything here would be time consuming.

Moving on, you've still got plenty of tense issues throughout the entire story. You're already well aware of the problem, so I'll leave it at that. I will also mention you start to misspell things more and more as the story goes on, especially near the end.

Another problem I have is the flow of your writing, which feels fairly stilted in places. I'm not really skilled enough to properly articulate the problems I have with it - most of my own notions about writing are wrong and bad - but I will say that you should try reading the story aloud to yourself and see if there's any places where you find it a bit forced to follow the cadence set by punctuation, or where a sentence doesn't 'feel right'. I noticed several places where you have superfluous words or a lack of punctuation which affected my reading of it, for example:
>... flowers she clutched in her hand close to her chest.
You can cut "in her hand" or "close to her chest" out and still have it mean the same thing, while making it read a bit smoother.

One last nitpick, and one I've had before (Looking at you Snekguy), is that speech followed by something that affects it (She spat, he cursed, etc) uses a comma before the closing quotation (unless it uses other punctuation like exclamation or question marks) and starts in lowercase afterwards. E.g.:
>‘She was always the emotional one.’ He mused.
>‘She was always the emotional one,’ he mused.
Using a comma shows that the modifying phrase is directly linked to the speech. Otherwise you could read this:
>“Fuuck!” He cursed.
As "Man says 'Fuuck!', and then he curses".
Not story-breaking stuff, but it irks me a little.

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>>7065185
The comma-in-quotations thing goes for this as well.
A quick skim through to clean up all the little mistakes would be a good idea, as there are lots of typos:
>... as Katrina would would generously dispense it from within her.
And some ambiguity when describing who's doing what:
>Lily helpfully went down to lick the extra off. None of it reached Katrina's balls, but that didn't stop her from giving them a good cleansing suck as well.
I initially read that as Katrina doing the cleaning in the second sentence - it may do to swap in some epithets to make it a little clearer.

In terms of actual content, it felt a little too rushed for me. Every movement was started and finished within a couple sentences before moving onto the next set. I personally would've liked to see it linger more at the apex of a scene, exploring the sensations and feelings each character experienced as they interacted with each other, but as it is, the actions feel fairly weightless and lacked a lot of the impact the scenarios should have had.
Other than that, I liked the story. The premise is enjoyable and most of the kinks appeal to me, it just felt like the good parts were glossed over a bit in favour of pushing them forwards quicker.

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>>7068806
>>7069033
3500 word update, new content at "She leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on his neck"

Tried to incorporate some of the feedback, more size difference, more chub, got the Ursi scene done.

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
New tags:
>blindfold

Next update is hopefully going to be the final one, and then I can Ebook this mess and start on something new.

>>7069202
Yeah, it just never looks quite right to me, I know my instincts are wrong, but lately I've just been trying to avoiding structuring sentences like that lol.
I guess I should just knuckle down and learn to do it right.

>>7069202
I understand I have issues with tense usage and I really need help fixing the issue. Could you please show and example where I mess up? I'm still editing it and I'm second guessing every sentence I write because I'm afraid I'm saying it wrong.

Not to say I don't trust your judgement. Criticism meant to help is always appreciated and encouraged. Otherwise how am I suppose to get better?

And I'll start reading out the stories to hear where the sentences drag on or doesn't give any information.

>uses a comma before the closing quotation (unless it uses other punctuation like exclamation or question marks) and starts in lowercase afterwards.

I keep trying to hammer this in but for some reason it never sticks. That part was intended to be a passing thought and the comma feels like it needs to be more but I do understand that's wrong and like you said its action after speech (I hope that came out right).

Even with all the issues it currently has, did you enjoy it?

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>>7069304
>Could you please show and example where I mess up?

>The pews are draped with dirty white cloth that blocked of the path to the isle
>The master of ceremony stood by the organ on the far side, waiting for his cue.
'Blocked' should be 'blocks', 'stood' should be 'stands' (assuming you're going for present tense), and 'off' is misspelled.

> He glanced over to his bride's side and the familiar looks of various monsters he’s become comfortable around.
'Glanced' should be 'glances'.
Which conjugation to use can be somewhat ambiguous at times, and I find present tense harder to write in partly because of that, so missing stuff like this is perfectly understandable. If you want to chuck the whole story into google docs or something like that, I could go through and highlight all the problem words for you to make them easier to see?

>Even with all the issues it currently has, did you enjoy it?
I'll say that it's not a story really meant for me. I've never played any of the Silent Hill games, don't know a single thing about the canon, and I have no idea what any of the monsters look like. That being said, I think the story has a lot of promise despite me not knowing what parts of it mean, and the parts that were meant to be erotic were pretty hot and evocative. So yes, I enjoyed it.

>>7069347
where's that vid from?

Has anyone else read any Marquis De Sade? I'm 2/3s through Justine at the moment. I started reading it for the philosophy and knew only a little of his reputation as a libertine. I didn't realise just how sordid the highly detailed acts of perversion and libertinal indulgence are.

Just saw this thread and thought it'd be interesting to try to re-write some parts of Justine in modern English and as stand-alone stories. They nearly all involve rape, anal, heavy to extreme bdsm (often to underage kids) but then there's also blood letting, a bit of scat/fart stuff (though not much), there's one pregnant character so far... Anyway if there's enough interest I'd be willing to set aside some time to modify and post some stuff.

It wasn't written as what we know to be erotic fiction today, but I get the feeling he'd like knowing people were getting off to it.

>>7069347
>>7069304
Blocked should be block, not blocks. And you could say "is stood" - I think that sounds nicer.

>>7069419
I'm unfamiliar with the material, though from your pitch you have not only my attention, but also my interest.

>>7069424
The internet can probably give you a better run-down of what the Marquis was like and what his works are like/how they've been recieved throughout history. If you're unfamiliar with libartinism, it's a... colourful introduction.

120 Days of Sodom and Justine are his most famous works I believe, and I was told that he wrote Justine on toilet paper which had to be smuggled out of prison, where he'd been locked up because people didn't approve of the deprived literature and philosophies he produced. He's really poetic and a great writer, it's just I'm a perverted bastard as well as a literature/phislosophy student.

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>>7069422
The 's' in blocks was a typo on my behalf, but you're right on stood. Like I've said before, my 'critique' should be taken with a massive grain of salt (I never actually started Year 10) so thanks for correcting that.

>>7069351
Girlfriend says it's Chris Armin, and a quick google says he goes by the name CaschLeCook.

>>7069247

Ursi is the literal embodiment of gentle femdom. I don't think it's even possible to do it any better than she is, good lord.

>>7069436
No worries.
>year 10
I've got used to assuming most people on here are American lol

>>7069419
I've got a copy of 120 Days of Sodom, but haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

>>7069419

I love the language in 120 days, although admittedly that depends on the translation, but I remember it has great phrases like "encunted", and "he bade her swallow his fuck", stuff like that.

>>7069453
You'll be happy to know someone commissioned a full Ursi story that I'll get to work on some time next week.

>>7068811
Shit, you're right. You threw me at the end with the guess at the name. Seafoam's also pretty great.

>>7069419
He probably would be honored by it, that's the kind of guy he was.

A word of warning to those who might not know him beyond how the concept of sadism was named after him: he went way, way beyond simple /d/ territory in a lot of his work.

As in, it literally cannot be posted here due to it breaking several global rules. He had a thing for scat, pedophilia, and outright torture as well as multiple instances of snuff described in such stomach-churning detail that I can barely even read the summaries on Wikipedia without fighting off my disgust.

The scariest part is that while most of us know we read and write this stuff just to get off, he genuinely believed that everyone ought to be acting like his characters do. I like smut as much as anyone else here, but I'm not so nuts as to treat it as a way of life.

>>7069247
It's minor complaint/nitpick, but their tails seem to be able to change length or it's the fact I don't think we ever got a exact length of their tails.

>>7069590


Oh I know, that's was me! c:

(you quoted me too, I just dont have my dumb trip when phone posting)

>>7069590
Whats going to happen in that? it still about Dennis?

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>>7069880
I never gave them a specific length, but I always pictured them as very long. They use them for balance, and I modeled them after Snow Leopards, which have extremely long tails in relation to their size.
If you consider that the average Borealan height is 8 feet, and many reach 9, you can imagine how long the tail would be in comparison.

For example, a Snow Leopard is about 1.1m long, and then the tail is about 1m long on top of that.
Considering that Borealans are around 2.5m tall, then their tails are probably going to be at least 6 or 7 feet long.

I'm totally fluffing the flexibility of the tails though, that aspect is pretty unrealistic but it's necessary to be able to use them as ropes.

>>7070068
Yeah I'm planning just a straight sequel really.

>>7070049
Oh sure.

>>7070238


Snekguy, find me an artist who can handle drawing Ursi so I can commission them for you. I want to see exactly how you envision her.

>>7070258
Awesome! I'd love to see that.
I guess I'll go peruse the FA forums and see if I can find someone who does decent art.

Hey snekguy I have a... suggestion? I would like you to do the next story, compete it, then post it. As much as I like seeing the updates nearly every day, I'm interested in where you would take the story without constant feedback. Not saying that feedback is bad, but why not give it a try? Also 10/10 update, in the north fluffy tail touch you!

>>7069828
I wouldn't have said that he believed everyone ought to be that way so much as that if one were so inclined that they ought to have no reservation in indulging in their desires... But I must admit I've not read all that much just yet about him or of his works.

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-FINISHED-

2500 word final update, thanks for bearing with me guys, and for all the helpful feedback and encouragement.
Final word count is 68,358.

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
>smoking, drinking, kissing, biting, femdom, gentle femdom, dubious consent, rape, scratching, oral, female ejaculation, blowjob, handjob, tailjob, vaginal, light bondage, bathing, girl on girl, group sex, dirty talk, large breasts, size difference, furry, muscle, chubby, cuddling, sweat, hair pulling, leash, leg locking, creampie, rough, massage, blindfold, romance

I hope I was able to respond to feedback and correct a lot of the problems people brought up, and I'd love to hear what people thought of it overall, now that it's done.

I'll get to work on the Ebook now.

>>7070263
check out snowskau

>>7070484
Thanks, that guy looks awesome. I sent him a message.

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>>7070468
>http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
>The ruskies

I smell a political shitstorm in the future, this gon be gud

>>7070460
What I've read of him is more than enough to come to that conclusion. Hell, if you cut out the porn in his works you'd get something like a fucked up religious tract or philosophical treatise.

>>7070468
Nice. Wondering what the russians will do. Wonder what the UN will think too in response. Looks fun.

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Request for a story for anyone who has a rape/humiliation fetish

How about a story from the POV of a woman in a futuristic patriarchal society where all women are sex slaves and are constantly taught that they're stupid/inferior/weak compared to men? There's also some space travel stuff involved where a huge army is attempting to conquer every planet in the universe and enslave all of the women in said universe.

Also maybe a bit of pet play and sadism?

I've just gone back to an old story of mine from a year or so ago after noticing it wasn't on the Titanpad:

[http://pastebin.com/7eZ2BaFM Inqusitiorial Smut] "WH40K, F/F Inquisitor/Planetary Governor, BDSM, self flaggelation"

>>7070468
You typed Ursi instead of Xhe when on line 1635.

>>7070626
Damn, thanks. I missed that.

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Not quite sure if this counts, but I'd like to see someone critique this

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>>7070650
>lest
>rater
>brans
>consntual
Come on.

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>>7070650
>rater incriminating
>boobs-for-brans
>non-consntual
>censorship spell

Whoever wrote that should kill themselves.
On top of the spelling mistakes and what can't even be described as a story, it's not even clear what's happening in the picture.

It literally could not be worse. If you made that in paint ten minutes ago just to piss me off, then you succeeded.

>>7070663
Boobs-for-brans sounds like good plan against hunger, though.

>>7070606
>patriarchal society where all women are sex slaves and are constantly taught that they're stupid/inferior/weak compared to men?
>There's also some space travel stuff involved where a huge army is attempting to conquer every planet in the universe

Escalated, quickly, etc

>>7070606
>>7070687
Will you guys stop requesting WKUK sketches as fapfics?
Once was a coincidence, now it's just getting weird.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhXtyffaIyw

>>7070691
Holy shit, I remember this show.

My favorite skit was the Lincoln one.

I'd like to request a story about a sex robot who comes to your town and wants to get down.

>>7070699
Ok but I need more info.
How did he get there?
What does he want?

>>7070704

He came there on a Greyhound bus.

The other anon already described what he wants, to get down.

>>7070691
In all seriousness, would you actually write a fapfic like this? Or is it not your think personally?

>>7070734
*thing

>>7070734
Not really my thing, but I'm sure somebody would be interested.

>>7070738
What are your fetishes personally?

>>7070741
I've actually already got a commission lined up and a backlog of stuff I've said I'll write, so I won't be available for requests for a while.
But I mostly do monstergirl/femdom stuff.

>>7070711
Funk servos, ONLINE

>>7070734

>in a world where men rule supreme and all women are their subjugated sex slaves

I don't want to be a downer but is this not quite unimaginative and even vanilla by /d/ standards? There must be a gorillion stories like this already.

>>7070747

most stories can be boiled down to something simple and overdone. the oldest story in the world can be retold over and over, and as long as the presentation of it is good, people will like it.

Dances with Wolves, The Last Samurai and Avatar for example

>>7070747
Like what for example?

>>7070468
The polars are gonna get cheeki breeki

Would anyone be interested in a collaboratively written storyline, where a base character and plot is decided upon and then a new writer has to build or expand on the story from where the last writer left off? An episodic "This week on 'The Adventures of Lady Slutsalot': our dashing hero is impregnated... by The Minotaur!" sort of thing, lots of connected but not entirely dependant short stories that revolve around one character or group of characters going through their rather lascivious lives/careers.

>>7070794

Don't a lot of people have very different tastes though? Seems like it could be restrictive, episode-to-episode.

>>7070794
>>7070864

To actually add something positive, maybe a common world/setting, but not with the requirement that every writer writes the same character?

>>7070864
>>7070868
another issue is the average length and time it takes each writer to write

>>7070864
Restrictions are good, they allow you to grow.

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>>7070914

Other kinds of restrictions are fine too

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>>7070468
Russian cats? My fetish.

>>7071139
Sanya is best girl, after all.

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Oooga booga have a story and a picture.

http://pastebin.com/HvHTfKdn
Huntress on the Prowl
Tags: Male/Male/Female, Demon/Female, Demon/Blood Elf, Oral, Threesome, Anal, Double Penetration, Vaginal, Sex related deaths, Endowed male, Rough Sex, Slight cumplay, Cunnilingus, World of Warcraft

>>7070617
The Titanpad stopped being updated a while ago. Use the Google Doc instead.

>>7070734
I'd have to flip it on its ear somehow to make it interesting. Like.... what if the women were all slaves, but they're all futas, too? Or the futas become slaves, but standard women aren't, so the futas have to hide it, and are occasionally given an involuntary spray that makes them horny and it turns out the establishment only enslaved the futas to have the excuse to force women to be horny at the barest excuse?

I don't know. Slavery is a stone-cold bummer. Not sure I could twist that lemon.

>>7071232
I was thinking of extreme pet play or something like that. Objectification to the point where they're literally passing out women in vending machines and transforming them into lampposts and floor mats and such.

I've got some examples if you wanna see them. They're kinda extreme, though.

>>7071232
Why do all of your fixes include futa? Also, Pokegirls has a good solution: the women (99% of them, at least) have all of the martial power, but men have all of the social and political power. Pokegirls need the D (taming) regularly or else they lose their higher brain functions (go feral). Pokeballs work as normal, but also include mild obedience brainwashing, and a machine is capable of multiple levels of further brainwashing, up to a memory wipe, with the service available at any pokecenter. There's not much to keep a pokegirl from holding resentment and ultimately killing her tamer if she disregards the consequences.

>>7071295
Funny thing is dickgirl shit just makes it more generic

>>7071232
Anon all pets are enslaved, it's only natural that cats and turbo sluts would be also.

>>7071295
Is there a Pokegirls fic that's like that?

hey y'all, I'm looking for a story that was posted here some time ago (I think)
it was this story that was basically a day in the life of a girl who worked at this public use brothel thing. I can't find it in the OP collection, but I was hoping one of y'all might have it
I think it was called "the hole in the wall" or something like that

>>7071165
Plenty of repetition of things in sentences following each other(same word used more than once in the same sentence, or the following one, which makes it noticeable and disrupts the flow). The description of the Felguards in particular suffers from it, as does the scene later on when they grope her. You need to mention their armo(u)red codpieces only once, the best place is probably when her eyes fall on them. There's no need to mention they have weapons in their hands as you describe the weapons in detail just after it.

>The blue one rumbled threateningly at her in demonic
This is a bit too complicated for a stand in for "said". It's usually best to leave those things simple as to not distract from the dialogue itself. You can make most of the information apparent in other ways. They're probably rumbling to begin with since they're Felguards, and it's likely threatening considering the context, and it's probably in demonic given that it's their normal speech.
>she replied with a purr in demonic
Is the very next thing, which suffers from the same stuff. Merely "she purred" would have sufficed.

>Blue asked while the grey one continued to look suspiciously at her.
A bit too complicated a sentence, I feel.

>Allyeri tapped briefly into her demonic powers, causing her next words to drip heavily with seduction while she smiled sweetly at the two demons.
Far too complicated, probably because of the use of "while". You'd probably have better results if you separated them into different sentences. Like: "Allyeri tapped briefly into her demonic powers. Her words started to ooze seduction and her smile became sweeter than honey."

>>7071165
>>7071610
>she said luridly, putting great emphasis on well equipped.
You can probably show or imply the emphasis in the text itself in some way. Putting it in italics, or using "..." like this could help: "Something that I’m sure two big and strong and very... well equipped demons like yourselves can help me with,”

>As one the two Felguards looked at each other and a pair of wide toothy grins spread across their faces as they suddenly got her hint as her seductive powers made them a lot more susceptible.
You probably mixed this sentence up while writing it, since it feels like there's two separate things going on that are unrelated. Plus, it's overly long and complicated.

>Dropping their weapons on the ground with a metallic clank they advanced upon the luridly smiling blood elf.
In general people say that using the passive "dropping" makes an action weaker somehow(that it's in the process of being done). In this sentence, I think it's alright if you mean that the weapons slowly droop from their hands as they walk. But if you meant that they definitely drop the weapons, then advance, then you should change it to an active "dropped."

>The gasp she let out when one of his thick digits slipped underneath her underwear and inside between her lower lips quickly turned into a prolonged moan.
Needlessly complicated, I think. Maybe something like "She gasped when he slipped his thick digit underneath her underwear. It quickly turned to a prolonged moan when he pushed his finger inside her lower lips."
The stuff that follows that sentence is pretty good compared to the stuff I've shown here, try to aim more for that type of writing and you'll do well.

>>7071165
>>7071613
>With a sharp tug on one of her horns Grey pulled her away from Blue, causing the woman to sputter and cough as the demon’s tongue was brusquely pulled out from her throat before it was replaced with his sticky fingers instead.
You've changed the Point of View here from the woman to the man, it feels to me. It's without doubt because of the "causing the woman" part, as it distances the previously POV character from what is happening and thus makes the person doing the things into the POV character.
I'm not sure if what I've said is technically correct, but it felt jarring somehow. (the sentence is too complicated as well)

(there were plenty of the same things I mentioned through-out the text, so I won't comment on all of them)

Your writing is quite alright otherwise. If you can correct this habit of producing overly long and complicated sentences, and pay a bit more attention to the repetition of words(and the lack of articles at certain points), you'll be pretty good on a technical level. Your descriptions of actions are clear and complete, and you used a handful of nice metaphors.
Style-wise I'd prefer more thoughts and feelings and emotions from the POV character. As it is the text is mostly just describing what happens, there's very little "filtering" through the character. This is more of a style choice than a problem, so it's up to you. The largest advantage of writing compared to the visual mediums is the internalized stuff a character feels, that can't really be shown in film or comic books, so it's smart to use it, in my opinion.

I couldn't really get into the content as it was so impersonal, I'm not really that into unknown people fucking each other.(but that isn't a problem in the story itself, just a preference) It made everything feel a bit long-winded, as I didn't really "care" about what was happening.

shit guys, do we still do /tg/ stuff here?

if so, I's got a few requesty-things from there to relay to y'all if anyone's interested

>>7070794
Well, I'd be interested for one, if some other people joined in as well.

>>7071627
Might as well post it anyway.

>>7070794
We tried that back on /tg/. There was Fernweh the nymph, who was a roughly developed character anyone who wanted could take for a spin. We got a nice bunch of stories out of that concept. Then there was the collaboratively written story that was more of a spur-of-the-moment thing for the thread's first anniversary. (And didn't turned out that well.)

I suggest that if you really want to give it a shot, you get all the volunteers together on whatever chat program you like and carefully plan and lay out what you want to do.

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>>7071627
>>7071653
I'm gonna write you guys a /tg/ Orc story over the weekend.

Tell me what you know about D&D Orcs, and what I should know to avoid pissing everyone off.

>>7071165
Did you draw that? It's really good.

>>7066846
Do you want a dragoness who is always in a humanoid form or a dragoness who changes between a dragon and human form?
>>7070734
Personally I'd like a bit more structure. Sex slave + space war could be pretty much anything.

>>7071610
>>7071613
>>7071615
Welp.

>>7071655
Hell no. Can't draw worth a damn.

>>7071656


Humanoid

>>7071655
Basically, orcs embodies the concept of "Might makes Right!" Their appearance evolved from the "pig orcs" of old (still favored in hentai) to the more recent monstrous humanoid one. (hunched over, long and strong arms, snout with wolf fangs and ears) The great majority of them follow the simple credo of their god Gruumsh One-Eye which is "Loot, pillage and grab whatever you can wherever and whenever you can."

Despite being mostly uneducated barbarians, those orcs that rise to the head of their clans are often quite smart as well as strong and tough, and cunning enough to play into the 'dumb brute' stereotype in order to be underestimated.

>>7071655
>>7071682

depends Eberron has a positive spin. Forgotten Realms is what you would expect (think WoW)

The orc in question should be smart enough to get a certain racial prestige class centured around the leadership pass the dm.
*cough* orc warlord

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>>7071682
Ok so, (keeping in mind that I know nothing about D&D) how about male and female Orcs live in different bands, they meet to breed, and that's basically it. Is there a setting with something like that?
A group of Paladins(?) tries to defend a village from raiding female Orcs, they all get killed besides one, who the Warlord takes a liking to. Maybe they intend to sell him as a slave later on, but over time she starts to like him.

That sound good? Could do the whole "You're my enemy and I should hate you but by God you're hot as fuck" angle.

Screenshot of my Skyrim install definitely related.

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>>7071686
Not really familiar with WoW either, besides a folder full of this chick.

>>7071656
Decided to take that space sex slave concept and run with it a little bit. I also mashed up a few other aspects of different media in it. Can I get some feedback if you guys don't mind?

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/themanwithaplan/22174/A-Day-in-Life-of-Slave

>>7071613
Not the author you're critiquing.

So far as I'm aware pastebin doesn't allow italics, bolding, different fonts. I've tried, it always edits that stuff out. It's kind of shit that way.

>>7071743
Repeatedly drawing attention to how misogynistic the scenario is seems excessive. It's pretty much self evident from the setup that you provide. Unless repeatedly drawing attention to it is just part of your fetish, in which case I can't really complain.

>>7071765
>Unless repeatedly drawing attention to it is just part of your fetish
It is. I like the graphic descriptive detail. Sorry.

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>>7071705
Sounds about right; her giving him a better fate out of self-interest rather than synpathy fits the orc character. Could be played for laughs if the paly thinks shes turned the other cheek, uses his Detect Evil ability and it still pings

>>7071705
>Is there a setting with something like that?

None of the well-established setting to my knowledge, but that's the magic of the D&D multiverse: it's so immense there very well could be a place like this somewhere. Just drop a sentence explaining that particular local quirk in the story and you're golden.

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>>7071801
>>7071804
Awesome, I'll get to work then.
I've been reading about Paladins, and I think having the MC be celibate too might give him more of an incentive to resist the Warlord.

>>7071808
Careful with that. Paladins, in D&D, can lose their powers/god's favor if they break their chosen god's creeds/rules. Also, orcs have pretty decent leeway in how they can be interrupted. Green skin is the traditional way, but that gets changed pretty often. Really, big chompers, being bigger than humans, and being more combat focused are the main common factors among orcs of different settings.

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>>7071833
All the better, makes the eventual sex super guilty and taboo.
I'll post the story when I've written enough to give you guys something substantial to read, and then you can tell me if I fucked anything up.

>>7071808
I would have assumed that "brutally murdering all of his comrades" should really be incentive enough to hate the warlord.
If you're gonna throw in a load of bloodshed, trying to force any kind of even slightly positive feelings come off as extremely jarring imho. The paladin's only thoughts should be how he's going to slit the bitches throat.
Furthermore if we assume the battle at the start isn't going to be one sided, how are the orcesses gonna handle their warlord keeping a paladin around who just yesterday was disembowelling their own sisters?
To add to this, while I may be alone in this preference I find it hard to enjoy a fapfic about hot orc girls when it starts with a bunch of them screaming as they get their limbs hacked off and they try to stuff their guts back inside their shredded hawt abs.

>>7071858
Orcs are chaotic evil man. All that bloodshed is just foreplay

>>7071867
If I wanted an accurate depiction of chaotic evil orcesses I'd head to gurochan. Like I said it's personal preference, but if this supposed to be a moderately enjoyable story I think certain realities of orcs would be better off put aside.

Or don't, I'm just saying I wouldn't enjoy it.

>>7071858
>try to stuff their guts back inside their shredded hawt abs.

Seconded, while I personally am kind of into the more violent, abusive and gory stuff, it does ruin the immersion when the vic just randomly starts falling for the perp. Unless we're talking very long time span(enough for stockholm syndrome, don't know if Snekguy knows enough about it to write it properly) or some type of mind control.

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>>7071887
ah forgot to add pic to that

>>7071858
>>7071887
Well nobody said he has to like it, or that it will be a mutual romance, but as for the rest, you'll just have to read it and see how it goes.

Snek, where's ebook?
give, give

>>7071917
Oh yeah my Ebook guy is online, shouldn't take long. I'll send him the files.

>>7071409
They are all like that. What are you talking about?

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Alright, first 3000 words are done, tell me what you guys think.

Warband:
http://pastebin.com/sUsx83KV
>no tags yet

>>7072075
Pretty much started how I predicted. Not for me.

>>7071627
Sure, fire away. I've been spinning gears on getting writing going again, so I'd love to see some new ideas around here. I also find it a lot easier to write for requests. Let's see what you've got.

>>7072075

I'd give it a solid "Just do that other commission you mentioned" out of 10

>>7071295
>Why do all of your fixes include futa?

I can't help it. That's what got me in the /d/oor.

Not to lay it all out there, but some of these other fetishes aren't things I like, either. Would it totally blow your mind if I told you guys I wasn't into crocodile girls? And I wrote fifty thousand words about Odile just because it was fun.

I would never write about something I find repellent, which is why all my stuff is entirely and unambiguously consensual.

>>7071265
That's a little much for me, I think.

>>7072398
>all my stuff is entirely and unambiguously consensual.

Booooo

Boo-urns

>>7072075

It reads easily, but it's a bit hard to comment when there isn't any lewd yet

>>7072406
If you don't like that, you'll really hate that most of it winds up...

(pause for dramatic effect, bringing a cloak up on his elbow)

Romantic!

(lightning flashes across the full moon and bats screech and fly off and a wolf howls as a tombstone lit by the lighting reads 'YOUR GRAVE.")

>>7072398
Good taste. Alligator girls are objectively superior.

So what's everyone's opinion on the ideal story:smut ratio? I'd like to hear from writefags in particular, from a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being literally just "peepee goes in coochie" right off the bat, and 10 being a Tolkien novel? How low or high would you mind going?

Just curious. I'd like to request or even write sometime, but I'm wondering how much focus the fucking should get, and how much time I should spend thinking up setting/story versus the sexy times.

>>7072553

All those waiting for a request to be filled

what do you do to pass time?

I'm currently playing Dragon Age Inqusition, I need to finish it and play the Tresspasser DLC

>>7072554
You'll get an entirely different answer from everyone you ask. Me, I think instead you should figure out which ratio works best for you specifically. Every writefag has a different style, and what works for one might not necessarily work for you.

Only way to do that is by experimenting and seeing which kind suits you, though.

>>7072553
>>7072569

whoops did not mean to quote

>>7072554
I'm gonna delve a little deeper into the question and answer. When I make a story, I don't just like writing characters going at it without some general sense of set up. I fucking love romance. It gives every action and interaction between the characters more depth. Like something as simple as hand holding could mean more if I have at least a small idea of what kind of connection they have.

So I like to lead up to the sex. Intimate moments that lead up to a more physical time.

But while say that I might want to make something different to change up my formula. Like I'll have it be romantic or possibly exploring a darker idea, fetishes, etc. Sexy might not even be the point. Sex could just be a small point in a story. A tool for whatever I'd like it to be, weather positive or negative.

But its like what >>7072572 said. Its different from writer to writer and I don't speak for everyone. Just see what you like to do, practice, fail, practice and keep on writing.

>>7072604

Welp, you've convinced me to start reading your stuff, cause what you just described is exactly what I want from a story.

Is there anyone here who would be intersted in finishing this pastebin? the previous Anon Author decided to abandon the story.
http://pastebin.com/tW34EBHL
http://pastebin.com/hMDENVVs

>>7072554
Might not apply to you, but I think new writers should start with something small, both in that actually finishing it is easier, and that no one wants to write their 150k porn opus only to discover that it flops between past and present.

>>7072737
>>7072554

And on that, try writing something you're a fan of. Any game, show, book, movie, etc. Lots of people got their start from doing fan work and went from there. I started way back with Pokemon fics (mainly because there were writers that inspired me to try making my own and even working with them a bit). Just remember to do what you like and have fun with it.

>>7071668
If the critique came across as too harsh, sorry for that. Especially since you didn't actually ask for critique as such. Reading the critique again, it probably seems more negative than I meant it to be. So don't think too much on it, they're minor problems in the end.

>>7072554

For an actual ratio, that depends on your target audience and what fetishes you're trying to convey. Overt fetishes like bondage are just a few extra lines, but a process fetish like transformation or hypnosis can be an entire page just for a few moments of in story time. I've been told my work is wordy as fuck but its never been said as a bad thing.

i personally feel that on a % scale, you can get away with about 25% story that doesn't build to lewd, 50% building to lewd or aftermath of lewd, and then 25% lewd itself

if you're writing for yourself, write what you want to. not what other people want you to write about. people enjoy the same story over and over again, but if you present it in a new way, its fresh and memorable. writing with established characters is a good start, as character building is a deep, involved process. try http://roleplayingtips.com/articles/character_questionnaire.php for help on that.

if you're writing for others, try and wiggle out of them the desires they have about the writing, and what purpose it is for. don't try to understand the fetish, understand why they like it. there are niches within niches that only people within those communities can describe. communities that people all smash together on the outside are complex on the inside. some fans of diaper play, for example, are disgusted by the notion of actually using them for their intended purpose and like the humiliation factor of them.

also, as its fallen off:

http://pastebin.com/KHQAUvKN

Above link contains forced feminization, light drugs, light bondage, crossdressing and that process, and one scene where it could be considered brainwashing but i'm not sure if i want to call it that. Also, if you don't know anything about Animal Crossing, you won't get many jokes and references in it. That itself in a flaw in any kind of writing and one I am kicking myself for for 'publishing' it without considering it. keep that in mind!

>>7072554
It depends completely on the story concept you're working with. The best ratio is whatever best fits the tone of your story. Generally stories with more of an emotional element will need more plot.

>>7072927
>For an actual ratio, that depends on your target audience and what fetishes you're trying to convey. Overt fetishes like bondage are just a few extra lines, but a process fetish like transformation or hypnosis can be an entire page just for a few moments of in story time.
This is a very good point, too. With some more complex and nuanced fetishes (transformation, giantess, vore, etc.) it can become hard to draw the line between what is plot and smut. Some sequences may be written with an intense interest toward the fetish, but also play a role in the plot because what's happening isn't just people having sex.

>>7072850
It was more I didn't actually expect any real critique. Or that much for that part.

>>7072554
>http://pastebin.com/KHQAUvKN

I usually try to aim for one lewd "scene" per 4-5k words. I figure if you should try to get the readers intersted first, then you can dilute the smut out with more story and character stuff once the readers have decided to stay. I wouldn't expect new readers to wade through 10-20k words of setup with a soft dick.

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>>7072997

Whoops, didn't mean to have the pastebin link there

>>7072554
I often worry that I'm not writing enough smut for the length of stories that I put out, but I'm always getting emails and messages praising the world building and the slow setup for the sex scenes when they eventually do happen.
Personally I don't think there's a ratio of too much story, not enough smut, as long as people are invested in the story and the world.
It depends what you want to accomplish though.

Can someone remind me approximately how long we have before this thread drops off the board, so my story is not lost to the mists of time?

>>7073037
Around 12-18 hours

It's hard to judge on slow boards, though

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>>7071917
Fineprint Ebook is finished.

https://www.patreon.com/file?h=7007504&i=620555

>>7073161
Something feels off about the anatomy. Also, who's idea was it to color those gloves shit brown?

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>>7073177
For reasons unknown, all of my meat-related pictures are of brown girls.

>>7073181
The gloves, not the girl. That being said, I think it's the torso being too long.

>>7073181

Just as well she's wearing that thong to cover herself.

>>7073184
I think she's wearing it backwards.

>>7073037
If you're worried about losing your story, add it to the list.

>>7073314

The Titanpad I assume.

I'm in final editing stages now but it seems like a really awkward time post-bump-limit.

>>7073335
No, the Google doc in >>7063194

Nobody uses the Titanpad anymore.

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3500 word update.

Warband:
http://pastebin.com/sUsx83KV
>large breasts

Is first person effective for mindbreak stories?

Thinking of doing a Cheshire/Hatter short story because Wonderland is the most underrated KC creation.