We post the best American dad moments, quotes
>Why is there a leopard on the cheetos bag?
>It's a cheetah
>There's so much beauty in the world
>Roger holds a cat food bag to keep himself on ground
>He drops the bag
>He starts floating
>Daddy, will you read to me?
>Who the hell are you?
>Well Roger it looks like it's just you and me
>And now it's just me
Joint Custody should be in the cartoon hall of fame.
>Roger, I'll kill you!
>I'm not Roger. I'm the phantom.
>(Stan removes the mask and gasps) Roger!
>Well, yeah. Who did you? What?
>So have you heard anything? Is Chaz gonna be okay?
I love the moments of genuine confusion in this show
>Would you like to hear a joke?
>Do they have jokes in your country or is it just sadness all the time?
>Are you sad right now?
u wanna fuckin go m8 ill lay u the fuck out bruv
I don't even know what it is about this gag but it always makes me crack up
>He hasn't talked to his dad in years and his mom left before he was born
>How...how could she do that?
>"He cares about me more than anything!"
>There's your criminal. Just give me the money.
>That's all I care about.
>"Oh wait, am I Jeff, or money...?"
>"Oh man, I'm Jeff."
This is the best episode
>Hayley pulling a King Kong on a model skyscraper
>RC planes start harassing her
Security guard (holding controller): Why are we doing this?
Guard 2 (also with controller): Why? Aren't you having fun?
>>His eyes are red from smokin' weeeeed
>Steve exits Lewis' office
>"And hello, desk sandwich."
>turns on bank of monitors and starts watching stuff going on around school
>werewolf shows up on one of the monitors and kills a janitor
They recently started it up again. The old lady who wanted to go to Boca was executed for killing her husband, and her son finds it. So how does it end up at The Battle of Boca Raton during the rapture? I wonder if they forget they kinda ended the plot in the rapture episode.
>Pinecones are Grenades.....
TAKE THE SHOT!!! NOT MY FACE!
I like video games.
I like Scaredy Boys.
Uh you and I clearly have stuff we need to work out.
"So, how'd the big night turn out?"
"It was There's no word to describe it.
Schmooblydong? That's not it, but it's close."
"Let-let me try and put it in terms you can understand, Imagine being high at a rusted root concert While two dudes take you on in a sun-baked porta-john."
"Wow. That actually does sound really good."
"Yeah. I'd like that, too."
It's like every meme 4chan gets a hold of, people here can't use things in moderation
> Here's a good meme for making fun of people whose entire personalities revolve around pot
> HAHA I BET IT WILL BE EXTRA FUNNY IF I BRING IT UP EVERY TIME WEED IS MENTIONED, EVER
> I'LL BE COOL RIGHT I'M USING MEMES
the roller derby one is allright.
>"no matter what happens we stick together"
>"hi it's just me I'm by myself"
>It was my fault for leaving the mop out"
That one kills me.
Also, the end of "Can I Be Frank With You?" and the PSA with John Hamm. "Most domesticate disputes are just two people trying to figure things out. Don't get involved. I don't care what you THINK you saw. Just keep your eyes down, and keep walking!"
this hit too close too home with me
who is debby based off of his sister?
debby is basically a fat haley
>I started collecting fingers when I was in Vietnam. Last summer, on holiday. I was on a sex tour. Did not get laid, had zero game, just kept cutting off fingers!
Patrick Stewart gets the best lines.
>Look, if a mom takes a kid to the mall and loses the kid, do you blame the mom? ...No! No, you don't!
>Jewish history is a history of unethical conduct! First the Pharisees killed Jesus Christ, the only true son of God. And isn't it true that the Jews put a secret sauce on their Rubens that is actually just Thousand Island?
>And who shot Gianni Versace? Was it a Jew? I don't know, it was in Miami.
Faking Bad is one of my favorite episodes. Just because every single character was on point in that episode.
I also loved the Camp Refoogee episode just for the Roger/Francine story.
>What was it again dear, ECONOMICS?!
>Too late now its been established.
>Is it over?
>Are we going to be okay?
>Do you think maybe the baby couldn't have drowned in the pool?
>No, you left the gate open and she sank like a stone. You have to live with that for the rest of your life.
On principle I think I should dislike Faking Bad because it's a Parody episode, but goddamn it's funny.
>Stan's breakdown of all the characters
>Francine coming to the window and watching Stan's fake date with an impassive expression
>Roger having to repeat his character name all the time
>Every line the Bouncer has
When Roger is killing off the frat boys with his limo, the surviving fraternity brothers are polebearing a coffin to the grave plot.
>I can't believe Chet's dead!
>I can't believe I already banged his girlfriend!
>I can't believe I watched!
>Oh you did more than watch, bro!
And then they do this silly tickle handshake, and the fact they're doing it mid-funeral is what makes it so hilarious.
whenever Roger has a closing line for the show it's always golden. Like when he was pretending to be an elderly woman on vacation, and he dumps her "husbands" ashes out into the ocean.
>Thank you, Omar. Thank you for showing me I can go on without you... I know what you did to our kids, you monster! (laughs) Why can't I leave things nice?
>Francine says she's going to be Greg and Terry's surrogate mother
>"I thought I had seen every episode of Star Trek. Wait, is this Deep Space 9? I won't watch that. It's garbage and I'll tell you why. One-"
>This isn't science fiction, Stan, it's REAL fiction
I just love how Stan completely missed the point and started going on a Star Trek rant.
>Now, while I'm gone, I need you to manage my fantasy basketball team.
>Can I make any trades?
>No. Just set the lineup.
>Stan, you need a power forward.
>I have Dirk Nowitzki.
>He's soft, Stan. You need a thug. You need Ron Artest.
>I don't want Ron Artest. You know what, forget it. I'll have Steve set my lineup.
>Fine. Let that nerd set your lineup. Watch you lose.
>But first, where's Steve? I want to see how my fantasy basketball team is doing.
>Well, he understood the fantasy part, but had no idea what basketball was. He tried to add three griffins and an orc to your roster.
>You hurt your family with what you did, Steve. You made us weaker as a unit.
>Roger, what Dad's trying to say is that you're part of the family! We couldn't make a family plan without you!
>That's what I was going to say, before Steve stole my moment. You defiled my moment son. Riiiight in front of my wife.
100 AD has some great moments
>If I'm not being haunted, then who's POSSESSING ME?
>Stop it. Stop it Wheels. STOP IT WHEELS' FATHER! *Gasp*
and the part where Stan hallucinates turning back time like Superman.
"Here is your official Senior Toad's sombrero, and your complimentary fire extinguisher that shoots tequila."
"No. It's Mexico."
"That makes sense, 'cause it smells like Mexico."
"Now, all that remains is your franchise fee of $50,000."
"This is just a photocopy of a 14-year-old boy's butt."
*Folds picture puts in coat*
*Slams fist on table*
"What is the meaning of this?!"
Riding in Santa Claus' sleigh, on the way to Bavaria to rescue Steve.
>"What a beautiful full moon"
>"You know once you get over the clouds, it's always a full moon."
>"Is that true?"
>"Is any of this?"
Nah, but it's been on in the past week and I love all the AD Christmas episodes.
>"Oh my god! Nemo spelled backwards is Omen! He is the Antichrist!"
>"But.... you picked the name Nemo."
>So I hear you like to sample things excessively and then not buy.
>Is that what you like to do? Those pizza bagels are my life.
>I make those tiny bagels by hand.
It's even better for me because that is literally my job. The shit customers will do and say when you're giving away free food is horrifying.
Why is this making me laugh so hard?
One of my favorite scenes is Bullock's drug deal that the family witnesses while waiting for Roger's ship. Hell, every Bullock scene is my favorite scene.
>Welcome back, Mouschwitz
>I can't get within 100 feet of her and her sugary sweet ass
It's fair. Lewis is pretty damn funny.
>I love my D-nuts! BLACK BAGELS Y'ALL!
>Legally I have to say yes, but personally? I don't know how Asbestos can be bad for you, it's got "best" right in it.
Fuck, remind me which one that was. I love Band of Brothers, but I could never keep track of the characters that weren't Ross or Joe Toyt.
Also, apparently his VA cut a R&B album, which might explain this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfTfWb6q68k
Shit, that's right.
I love the music in AD, they do a good job of switching the musical styles enough to keep it fresh.
>mfw I keep singing Steve and Krampus' duet at work
>A real human being can play like that
I mean, I was aware it was possible, but damn.
All of these quotes made me want to do an American Dad marathon this week.
>Stan, remember the first rule of any wedding is that the bride is always beautiful. The second rule you can read on my website. You have to be eighteen to log on. I have some sexy barnyard stuff on there that is NOT for everyone; I could get in a lot of trouble. If you do decide to check it out you need to clear your history right away. You may need to uninstall your browser. I'm telling you scrub that thing clean. If you think you're being too cautious, you're not. They will take us both to jail.
>That episode with Qrrrcchhhh
>Her voice was really sexy
>Find out it's Kim Kardashian
I wanna live my life like Kanye so I was pleasantly surprised
From the same scene:
>Roger/Jeannie Gold: Stan, these are my sons, Alex and Ron. They're in Columbia Film School.
>Stan: How is that possible?
>Roger/Jeannie Gold: I know. I look too young to have kids in college.
>Stan: No, that you have children when your persona is completely fabricated...
>Roger/Jeannie Gold: We are the music makers. We are the dreamers of dreams.
>Stan: That is an unsatisfying answer.
I love it when Roger's personas just go off the edge into absurdity
>"I think I know someone who can help! Let's just hope it's not me in a disguise."
>Roger and Stan arrive at an office building and walk inside.
>"Oh good, I'm just the receptionist!"
>Camera cuts across the room to show Roger in full costume behind the desk.
>"Excuse me, I'm an Administrative Professional."
I wish they would have kept one a secret and had an episode where you see a new character who turns out to be Roger in disguise, but they drew him the way the family member sees him, so we don't know it's him until the end.
It is pretty cool. Most of mine are at least a day's travel away right now, so it can be difficult sometimes, especially since they're damn near impossible to get a hold of consistently. I like my job and I like where I'm living, but eventually I'm gonna have to move back.
Oh, I have a few, but it's mostly just work friends. The place I live has a high population of retirees, and most of the people my age I meet have their own thing going on. Part of it is also that I'm pretty closed off a lot of the time, most of the friends I have I met through other friends.
>I can't believe there is lava under Washington DC
>Where do you think the hot air comes from
>They start laughing
>Cut to the sub-plot for a minute or so
>Cut back to Stan and Steve still laughing
>Look everyone, Steve Smith has a buffalo too!
>My girlfriend doesn't walk on hooves madam, and as far as I know she's never been hunted near extinction!
>THAT'S RIGHT, SAY WORDS!
I wish I could remember quotes, but hey remember that episode where Steve and Snot raise two baby clones to be their prom dates and fuck them? Then Stan has a blade runner scene where he runs around trying to kill them.
>Now to just sit back and enjoy this sandwich
>*Looks at security footage at basketball court*
>*Werewolf comes out of nowhere and eats a kid*
>Steve, you're not an animal
>You're not even a mammal
>You're some sort of anti-mammal
>That's a bit of a mouthful, let's make that shorter
>Yeah! You're an animal!
>"There's a special place in Hell for people who do things like this. Right next to the child molesters, and the sexy children who seduce them! "
My favourite joke that I know I can never acceptably repeat.
>that back-and-forth between Stan, Francine and Tunji calling each other's names
It's fucking uproarious every time.
>Oh my god! This gun...I've never even fired it before! I-I heard Jennifer scream and everything went blank! And I killed a man!
>WHO AM I TO TAKE A LIFE? AM I BEAST OR MAN?
That bit in Hurricane! where Stan electrocutes Roger and he just floats away staring at him
Also Stan trying to go back in time by spinning the world backward.I know it's a reference so it probably shouldn't count but it always make me laugh
>I wish Mom and Dad could've seen that.
>Me too, man.
>I think I'm really proving myself.
>Me too, man.
>This is gonna sound weird, but, for the first time in my life, I feel like a grown woman.
>Me too, man.
This scene right here is hysterical to me in its absurdity
No cut aways that have nothing to do with the plot is a big one.
That and there's some actual depth to the characters, Family Guy has it for 10 seconds every now and again but they're usually pretty flat.
>Well I guess I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie daisies.
I use this line all the time when I fuck up.
>I feel like Tara Reid on an average Tuesday.
Though the joke was ruined when it turns out it was just milk.
>He was in on it too. Stand up and take a bow, Jeff.
>BriIIiant! You reaIIy beIieve he might have a severe spinaI injury.
>Dad, you're not reaIIy buying aII this?
>Oh, poor HayIey, a mere pawn.
Patrick Stewart has some of the best lines in the show.
>Stan keeps trying to help during the Hurricane until it escalates to the point he impales Francine with a harpoon
>Bear just stops and looks at him like "Dude..."
"You harpooned me. I told you to go get help... but you harpooned me"
All the absurdity was for the most part established in their characters from the beginning. At this point they have definitely evolved into what they are now but they always had that opportunity to be crazy.
>Dad works at the CIA
>Alien in the attic
>Brain swapped fish
Family Guy had nothing weird going on except for Brian and Stewie talking. Then they took the characters and exploited them.
Son of Stan, when Roger takes drugs to find Jeff and Hailey. Apparently I'm the only one in the world that hadn't heard it before, because after I downloaded it all my friends already knew all the lyrics.
>I'll give you the money, but only on one condition
>You invite me to all the parties!
>And you kill my wife!
>The business world is ruthless.
Toshi's dad is fantastic
This thread is funny and all, but can anyone here tell me the launch codes?
I'm kinda sad they killed him. Honestly, at first I didn't like Toshi because I thought he was just going to be a bunch of cheap Japanese jokes, but once I started paying attention and reading his subtitles I loved him. His whole family's hilarious.
>That scene where Steve insults Toshi and he goes and gets Akiko to translate for him
>"DO NOT INTERRUPT!"
That episode has so many good lines.
>I was just u on Capitol Hill and the Democrats have gutted our torture budget! They're using the money to teach inner city children *sobs loudly* to read!
>I don't see you suggesting how to get girls to come to our party Smith
>"We don't go blue, that's the lazy man's comedy!" "Balls" "Ha ha! Maybe we're working too hard!"
This joke does not work text, only visuals and audio does it justice.
I wonder how many people understood that joke.
You also buy all the absurdity in the series because of the CIA. I can believe that they have a memory whipping machine
This followed by Francine screaming and Stans response of "Francine, what the hell?", I'm in tears
>But I wore braces as a kid. I've paid my dues!
>[in flashback] Papa, NO! [monkey screeching followed by a slamming door.]
>Do we ever truly pay our dues, Mr. Smith?
>Just going up to the snack shop to get a grilled cheese. A friend of mine wanted a one of those. But he's gone now. To Tuscon on business. Won't be back 'til Thursday
>We were kids man, just kids! Buckle could't find his legs! We were gonna go cruisin' when we got back man! We were gonna go cruisin' in his Solara!
The Solara is one of my favourite running gags.
>mfw I find out that Mind Quad is an actual episode of X-Files
>There it is
God dammit I forgot how much I love this show
>Pain is having a girl, named Sheila, walk out on you in the middle of downtown Baltimore! For a guy named Dennis, who worked as a mechanic and made twice as much money as you!
>So are we going to report any of the murders we saw here tonight?
It's a damn shame, this show's comedic timing is fucking fantastic and yet FG gets all the love
I love little bits like that.
>"So, if you were in the Matrix, you would've taken the Blue Pill and not seen reality and the whole movie would've been a half hour? I want you to think about that. What am I talking about, you're not going to think about that, you've got no idea what I'm talking about."
>I even watched that Meg Ryan movie where she played a burn victim.
also: Jessica is best girl
Lindsay is objectively the best girl.
>Voiced by Alison Brie
>Dribbled the ball past the entire opposing football team
>So dedicated that she sacrifice her leg just so the team could win
>Came back from the dead to help Steve and Hayley get Francine's car home
>Voiced by Alison Brie
[Stan leaves Greg & Terry's house]
Look at him. He's just gonna float away. Float away like a fairy.
[Stan carries two heavy trash cans to the sidewalk]
Look at him! Carrying those heavy trash cans like a girl!
[Stan moves a giant rock]
I bet he wished that rock was a big, naked man!
[Stan wolf whistles at a lady on a bike]
YEAH, WHISTLE A SHOW TUNE, YA DRAG QUEEN!
>I need to see your passports, please.
>Well, actually, it's kind of a funny story...
>Does it involve a monkey?
>What? No. Why would you think that?
>You said it was a funny story.
>No, I tore up my passports!
>That's not funny. That's very serious. Your wife is in real trouble, man.
>[Monkey comes in, ruffles up some papers and runs off]
>Ah ha ha ha! Mon-key!
I think the reason is because the humor ISN'T similar. That's American Dad's biggest strength is not laughing at it's own jokes all the time and just letting them play out naturally.
But to be fair a lot of American Media is just generic enough that you don't have to have deep knowledge.
However it's not like American Dad was really relying too heavily on American Politics and Culture as of late, it's basically
>Do you know the past two presidents?
>Do you know what the CIA is?
>Do you know that Conservatives equal Asshole Warhawk and Liberal equals Naive Hippy?
Good you get the breadth of American Dad's political critique.
tfw you only get this joke if you live in arizona.
Is it not just that he says he lives somewhere people know because nobody knows the town? Like, I live in Halifax, but nobody knows where the fuck that is, so all for intents and purposes I live in Leeds.
>My name is Braff Zacklin. I was an international race car driver. One day, a baby carriage rolled out onto the track so I swerved into the retaining wall to avoid it. The car burst into flames, but the baby miraculously survived ... I was that baby.
Steve: That doesn't make any sense.
> I'M BRAFF ZACKLIN!!!
Delron is the best one-off character ever introduced.
>Text from my boy Rog. It better not be a butt.
>Uh oh. It's an attachment. It's downloading.
>Please don't be a butt, please don't be a butt...
>OH IT'S A BUTT. COME ON NOW. WHO'S BUTT IS THAT? THAT'S A WHITE ASS BUTT.
>Thing is, I'm not sure it was entirely his fault. I may have deserved it. In fact, I may have instigated it. Actually, Francine, I seduced him. I don't know why I wanted him, but I wanted him.
The ending of the episode where Stan opened his dream restaurant was funny and maddening at the same time.
>Rodger blows up Stan's restaurant
>Why'd you blow up MY restaurant
>No one would expect a successful business owner of insurance fraud
>And the fire should be spreading to mine now! Alright!
>I'LL KILL YOU
>Rodger pulls a gun on him
>Whoa whoa, easy!
>You just need to relax!
Yeah pretty much, even though mesa is a good size city thats only like 30 minutes away from phoenix it generally gets over looked by people who dont know the area.