I don't know how to eat

Put the food in your mouth through your lips.

>>7192873
I do, but it spills out. I try to catch it and put it back in if I can

>>7192868
>Every time I eat, I make a mess and embarrass myself somehow. How do I eat food around people AND maintain my dignity?
Never eat like a slob. Never. Not at home, not for any meal. Sit down. Use and hone your skills if you didn't grow up with them, you have precious hours of doing it as remedial work that other people are past it as a habit already.
Sit down, don't take a bite til others start. Unfold, place napkin in lap, dab mouth with corner, replace to lap. Know where your glass goes, keep it where it should be. Don't gulp. Sip. Slow it down. Never put more than half of your fork with food on it, maybe even 25%. Chew before swallowing. Wait to talk til mouth is empty again. Breath between bites. Talk between bites.

What you order can matter when you're wearing a shirt you love, or don't want to embarass yourself. Use fingers are little as possible. So cutting into a breast of chicken might be better for you than a chicken sandwich//burger. Though it's acceptable to dine right, say chicken wings, crab, ribs use fingers, when it's an option not to do that, then don't. Use the knife and fork for the pizza, who gives a shit if you can pick it up too, no need to do that. Think about having your fingers clean so you aren't really required to wipe them or go to a washbasin until it's great timing to do so. If this is work-related, then you order the right thing to eat easily. If this is date-night, you get penne, not linguini. After a while you get practice with the harder dishes, but the easiest thing you can do is slow is down, work in smaller doses. Dab by a rule, like every 3 bites or something until you sense when it needs to happen. This used to happen in "charm school" or cotillions, or if you were lucky, your wealthy grandma curbed your ways. Watch people when you dine out. Face the room. Look at the elderly, they still have the skills.

>>7192889
>Use the knife and fork for the pizza
wat

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>>7192889

>>7192889
That sounds like good advice, especially the fork portion thing. I'll try that. Maybe the napkin thing too.

>>7192868
Don't try to wolf everything down. Take your time and try not to fit a mountain of food onto a fork or spoon.

It's probably too late for you: blame your parents.

My parents took me out to restaurants multiple times a week since I was a toddler and behaving properly in public and knowing how to use a knife and fork were second nature by the time I entered Kindergarten.

I don't know how they did it, but if I ever have kids I'll ask.

>>7192906
>It's probably too late for you: blame your parents.
>My parents took me out to restaurants multiple times a week since I was a toddler and behaving properly in public and knowing how to use a knife and fork were second nature by the time I entered Kindergarten.
>I don't know how they did it, but if I ever have kids I'll ask.
My exhusband ate overhanded like a toddler (so did his mother I eventually found out). I almost dumped him the second time we ate out when he ate like an animal. I grew up flying First Class and kind of took it for granted people got advice from family, but guess some didn't. I even remember my 6th grade teacher accompanying the class to the cafeteria to teach us well. When my husband started dining out with bosses, I had a hard lecture about the matter followed by "if they don't like me that's their problem" for anything regarding etiquette. I gave him a little 411 on etiquette being the ultimate respect towards other, but he resented it really.
The best thing you have going for you OP? That you wish to do better. It is a work in progress, mind you, which is why I suggest not "relaxing" by eating over the sink or whatever else until it becomes nature for you. A very trusted friend could correct you, but I'm sure in this day and age, you can get a book that isn't too dry, or find some video tips.

>>7192925

Ha, I also grew up flying first class, though never really associated with people in that same situation.

I feel like as long as OP is aware that his eating habits are something he feels he needs to change, that's the most important things. Most people are just completely unaware when they do something not entirely socially acceptable.

That said, I've probably put more weight on dinning etiquette than many other things (like dressing fashionable or having a nice haircut all the time, not that I don't bath a maintain proper hygiene). Proper eating habits just seem like one of those things that nobody is going to think you pretentious for doing, but people will appreciate; it just makes eating together a much nicer experience.

>>7192940
>Proper eating habits just seem like one of those things that nobody is going to think you pretentious for doing, but people will appreciate; it just makes eating together a much nicer experience.
Absolutely.

Growing up in Miami, I encountered childhood friends who were the classiest of immigrants (earlier Haitians, Cubans...)...and I mean the kind of people who were the upper class of former British or French empires, where household servants outnumbered whatever old colonial parentage I came from that died out in the US, but people who had family where you simply had manners, put yourself together in pressed clothes, and you ate right for social and sustenance reasons both. I just now remembered a girl eating a banana on her lunch tray, awkwardly with a plastic spork and then realizing I could always add some more work on my skills.

My flight privs allowed me to see the world, and how everyone lives in third world nations as well as cities and resorts, but it's true that money doesn't buy class, but rather how your parents brought you up (or you corrected). True enough! Carry on OP. The kind of person who truly struggles with this doesn't value it enough. Know that person what constantly adjusts the necktie? Or wobbles with heels? You know they're simply trying on a sense of style. Making it seem like second nature is doing it more often. Practice makes perfect. Then it becomes like a game. Order those snails and tryout the right way, lol. Order that soup (fill from opposite side of bowl, sip from spoon's side without slurp). Muscle memory, hehe. Then get old school and order some marrow and hope they have the special spoons.

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So is there any way to eat nachos?

with dignity?

>>7193269
Out of a bucket, like spaghetti with extra sauce