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Coffee

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Thread replies: 82
Thread images: 14

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Preferable tier:
Espresso from an actual coffee shop (after 12 PM, which means by definition after eating lunch). Only a demitasse cup, consumed immediately while standing up, never a disposable cup or it goes STRAIGHT TO THE TRASH
Pourover from a micro-lot (paper filter ONLY, before 11:59 AM ONLY)
Cappuccinos or lattes occasionally (not accompanied by anything larger than a small sweet pastry, never after 11:59 AM, only ever whole milk)

Permissible in case of emergency tier:
Mass-market drip coffee (starbucks, dunkin donuts, etc) mixed with large amounts of half & half and cane sugar to mask the taste (only when there is no other option, and never after 11 AM)
Canned coffee of any type
Burned-ass cafe con leche from the dominican/puerto rican restaurant around the corner
Caffeine pills
Pre-workout powder mixed with water

Unacceptable tier:
Cappuccinos, lattes, or espressos from Starbucks or any similar sort of establishment
Espressos from any restaurant whatsoever no matter how many michelin stars
Espressos from a paper demitasse cup, fuck you
Pourover made with real coffee, but ruined with sugar or dairy
Mass-market drip coffee without half & half and massive amounts of cane sugar
Delis that don't mix the sugar before pouring the mass-market drip coffee but instead provide sugar packets

Kill yourself tier:
French press
Agave instead of cane sugar
Black coffee from Starbucks
Nespresso and similar
Those weird chemical creamer packets with noxious flavors like "french hazelnut creme"
>>
>>7186990
You're such a nigger.
>>
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>>7186995
Cool it with the racism senpai.

Also I forgot to add to kill yourself tier: skim milk or 2% milk. But I figured that goes without saying.
>>
>>7187001
Fine. You're an extemely hood African American.
>>
This is literally the most retarded and autistic thread of 2015
>>
Does /ck/ also know how to make espresso or should I go elsewhere for tips?

Recently bought a Rancilio Silva.
>>
>>7187065
Step 1: Tun on the machine
Step 2: Make the fucking espresso
>>
>implying there's anything wrong with French Press
You used a grind meant for drip brewer int like a retard and your French Press ended up being mud didn't you?

French Press is god tier in home coffee making.
>>
>>7187102
I don't see anywhere in my encore manual that says it's "meant for drip brewer only"

Maybe you should just accept that it's not 1993 anymore and now that the novelty has worn off, french press is rightly recongized as being shit
>>
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Oh, God. It's you again. Someone had a grinder question and you cried about how you don't like the french press and derailed the thread.

You are a fucking moron.
>>
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>>7187112
Op can't derail his own thread, you silly goose.

Sorry you have wrong taste in coffee.
>>
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>>7186990
>hurr I'm coffee snob
>>7187107
>owns an entry level grinder

Opinions disregarded
>>
>>7187115
A thread from about 3 weeks ago. This OP is that same sad fucking guy
>>
>>7187118
I'm sad that people like you have terrible taste in coffee
>>7187117
Maybe if you used proper filters you wouldn't need a $30,000 grinder to make sure it didn't taste like garbage
>>
>>7187122
It's not only about fines, it's about even extraction. But you'd know that if you knew anything about coffee. You are a extreme pseudo-intellectual on this subject.
>>
>>7187125
No amount of >muh even extraction will make up for the exxon-tier oil slick ruining the cup.

Oil belongs in espresso, period, end of story. Sorry you have bad taste.
>>
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>>7186990
Assburgers: the post
>>
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>>7187132
>exxon-tier oil slick
You're hilarious

inb4
>you have bad taste
>>
>>7187107
>french press is rightly recongized as being shit
By whom? Are the hipsters getting into your head again?
>>
>>7187148
Are you, right now, eating blue corn tortilla chips with mango salsa while wearing acid-washed marithe francois girbaud 11-pocket jeans and a kangol hat?
>>
>>7187161
What's your obsession with the 90's? You act like you were only born halfway through them
>>
I prefer cafe latte to any kind of black coffee and their ain't nothing you can do about it. But at least posting on 4chan/ck/ allows you to feel superior... lmao
>>
>>7187164
I'm not obsessed with the 90s at all. Hence why I am using proper brewing methods for decent people who love coffee. Not ironic retro garbage for people who never lived through the nightmare years of french press fucking everywhere.

I'm sure it seems new and fresh to you, but you'll get over it just like humanity did.
>>
>>7187169
>ironic retro garbage
You, mean, like how most of the world makes coffee? What's it like living in a bubble?
>>
>>7187166
Latte is in preferable tier, sorry to spill coffee on your fedora
>>
>>7187174
>most of the world
lol what does that even mean? Where is french press even still common other than in aspiring-fancy cafes in flyover places where the average person still thinks "cappuccino" is sweet coffee with whipped cream on top, and coveting "french" things is a shibboleth among provocatively countercultural people because the french didn't support us in 2003?
>>
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you're sure not talking about craft beer OP?
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>a thread this autistic was made by somebody who owns a baratza grinder
>>
>>7186990
oh man i can't WAIT to charge you 60 bux for that kopi luwak you fart-swallowing ultrafaggot
>>
>>7187508
I've had kopi luwak plenty of times, it's not that interesting to me. You're probably culturally intimidated by Starbucks.
>>
Other coffee thread's OP here.

This thread's OP a shit.

That is all.
>>
>>7187535
>You're probably culturally intimidated by Starbucks.
sick projection.

i simply enjoy selling gimmicky shit to yuppies at a DRASTIC markup.
poo coffee, blanched kale, etc.

just eat this plate of garden weeds and give me $25 you trust fund shitter :)
>>
>>7187535
Culturally intimidated by Starbucks? Come on, this HAS to be b8
>>
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>>7187624
>being culturally intimidated by kale
Amazing
>>
>>7187632
>buying a $25 plate of kale i put into hot water

come back soon!
>>
>>7187632

>trigger warning

An obviously unripe avocado sliced open honestly does trigger me. I'm visiting family for the holidays and every time I buy fruit, knowing exactly when I'll be able to eat it, someone either throws it under some over ripe bananas or into the crisper in the fridge.
>>
>>7187630
>can't tell the difference between an insult and "bait"
Are you the genius who thinks "hanian isn't hunan dumbass" means "I think hainan is a misspelling of hunan"?
>>
>>7187180
I just don't get it, why does using a particular method of brewing coffee have so many connotations to you? Maybe I like the way a press extracts the flavors through steeping, and makes for a smooth consistency besides the bit of sediment at the bottom.

Just a good cup of coffee, hold the autism please.
>>
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This is my coffee setup
>>
>>7189641
Life experience. Something you lack.
>>
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I drink one large mug of Gevalia light roast in the morning with my breakfast.
>>
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I have freshy ground beans but only have pic related. How do I into good cup of coffee
>>
>>7189641
Notice how nothing he's saying relates to the actual coffee and everything he says relates to "oh, its a brewing method from the 90s" plus personal insults and such shit.

Basically, he's a shitter laying bait. He picked french press so he wouldn't be arguing with the whole board.
>>
>>7189911
Aeropress or a French press if you don't want to spend too much money. Get a hand grinder and grind what you need before you brew
>>
>>7189911
Well, if we're barring any kind of upgrades?

Before you brew a pot, take a few ounces of water and run it through with the filter but no coffee, then discard that water.
That will wet the filter and clear it of "paper powder" that will come off during brewing.

Then, just measure how much water you're using (measuring cup, don't trust the pot's markings), divide by 16, and convert cups to tablespoons to determine how much grounds to use.
>>
>smell coffee brewing
>smells good, man.
>drink it
>tastes like shit
>>
>>7189820
You are human garbage. Kill yourself.
>>
>>7189923
Oh, and this should go without saying, but once you know how much water your coffee pot holds, and how much grounds you should use for that, you obviously don't need to do the measurements and calculations again.

The only reason I say this is because I will literally tell people this, and they'll say, "that's too much math for coffee".
>>
>>7189928
>>7189923
>>7189922
Thanks anons, I just got a coffee grinder and I don't want to mess it up
>>
>>7186990
I usually don't see hipsters this pretentious on /ck/
>>
>>7189923
It holds 2 1/2 cups of water
So I divide that by 16, convert to tablespoons and then? Does the amount of coffee depend on your taste?
>>
>>7189930
I should note, I do french press, so the whole thing about wetting the filter is something I've only heard about in relation to drip and I don't know how much difference it makes.

However, with that brew method, its pretty much all you have control of once you get past grind quality and quantity.
>>
>>7189942
The amount you get from the straight conversion will give you medium strength coffee.

If you want strong coffee, knock it up 20%, if you want weak, knock it down 20%.

The technical difference is between 1.25% dissolved solids for medium strength; 1.5% dissolved solids for strong, ect.

This formula's "medium" is a coffee person's "medium", so its still got kick.
>>
>>7189954
Thank you anon
>>
>>7186990
Who the fuck follows these autistic fucking rules? Just drink your fucking coffee, espresso whatever the fuck whenever you damn well please.
Almost as bad as sushi nazis and movie snobs, people like you make everyone at the table roll their eyes and not enjoy their food or drinks. Afterwards everyone talks shit on you, and about the fact that they never want to go out with your pretentious dumbass again.
>>
>>7186990
>Espresso from an actual coffee shop (after 12 PM, which means by definition after eating lunch). Only a demitasse cup, consumed immediately while standing up
I agree, but that's very fucking Italian.
>>
Fine tier: Drinking coffee however the fuck you want it
Annoying prick tier: Giving a shit about how people drink their coffee
>>
I've been on this site for 6 years and this has got to be the greatest case of autism I've ever seen.
>>
>>7186990
You sound like a bit of a dick, but ultimately you're correct in most of what you say.

Can you provide a reason for espresso from restaurants being unacceptable?
>>
>>7189962
I follow these rules. But not because they are rules, but because this is how you ensure you get the best quality, and the most from your drink.

Whats right is right.
>>
>>7190107
When it's from a proper machine, the grind is always way off and even nice places often just use shit from a can (lavazza, etc)

Some places don't even bother with the machine and just serve pod "espresso". Even otherwise very good restos. Yeah, I said resto. Deal with it.
>>
>>7190122
Well if thats youre experience with restaurant coffee, then I understand you not drinking it.

More likely you need to change where you eat rather than putting restaurant espresso in to unacceptable tier.
>>
>>7190107
>Can you provide a reason for espresso from restaurants being unacceptable?

not OP but in my experinece most restaurant coffee is shit, whether it's espresso or something else. This is often true even for very nice restaurants. I suppose it's simply that they focus on the food while the coffee is an afterthought. Unless the restaurant has a focus on coffee for some reason it's likely going to suck even if the place is 2-star.
>>
>>7190150
Except this isnt really true.

Marco Pierre White writes of coffee in his autobiography. How at the time (in the early 90s), it was things like shit coffee that werent being considered that much, even in top end restaurants. He had to argue with the owners of the restaurant to buy expensive coffee.

If this was all going on in the 1990s, its very unlikely that michelin establishments are now serving shit coffee and getting away with it. Certainly not the places ive visited anyway. Im not saying its the best coffee in the world, I've had better from small independent coffee shops, but its certainly better than high street coffee.
>>
>>7190210
If a 2-star joint was serving "certainly better than high street wine" I don't suppose you'd be so quick to defend them.

People going to nice restaurants are fully justified in expecting all food and drink to meet the highest standards.
>>
>>7190224
Of course their wine should certainly be better than high street. Although I dont really drink wine in these places because the mark up is outrageous.

Coffee in these places isnt actually that expensive though. If it isnt already included in the menu cost, its normally around £5, and that includes bon-bons or petit fours. You dont expect to get Jamaican Blue Mountain or Kopi Luwak for that price. If they were charging £15 for an espresso then maybe, but not for £5.
>>
>>7190210

The same thing was mentioned in the coffee section in Modernist Cuisine and that was printed in 2011. The fact that many high-end restaurants serve coffee that's far below the standards of the rest of the place hasn't really changed.
>>
>>7190252
I'm not talking about the menu price. I'm talking about the quality.

If I'm spending a few hundred on a meal, a bitter cup of lavazza with thin, weak crema is an insult. It's like if they served yellow tail. I'd rather do without.
>>
>>7187001
Nigger
>>
>>7190267
Ive worked in a few 'decent' restaurants. Not like michelin star level, but of reasonable quality. I think this is true for that level of restaurant. Most of them dont really put much thought in to the coffee. But at the top end, I just cant see how they would get away with it and still keep their michelin rating.

>>7190274
No one wants that. Fortunately I've never experienced it either (at any starred establishment)
>>
Man, I may some serious hipster trash (I roll my own cigarettes, for point of reference), but at least I'm not a coffee autist. I don't know of a single other variety of food/drink hipster that's so hilariously gullible, or who engage in so much snobbery-for-snobbery's-sake. You're basically on par with audiophiles, the people who reject A-Bing equipment because it tends to lead to results they find inconvenient.

Look at all the stupid little rules you people invent. Why am I not allowed to have a cappuccino after noon? You're basically just saying "You can only eat breakfast food at breakfast time! REEEEEEEEEE!" You're making up rules for the sake of having rules, then getting outraged over other people not following your entirely arbitrary rules. That's literally the definition of autism as the term is used on this site.

As for gullibility, if you told some craft beer nazis that you'd bought a $400 glass that makes your beer taste better, they'd laugh at you. With coffee snobs, moar moneyz=moar qualitiez is just blindly accepted. Just because you can spout some technical-sounding bullshit written by the company's marketing department doesn't mean it makes an appreciable difference in the quality of your brew.

In summation, Nespresso machines BTFO most of your single origin third wave bullshit in blind taste tests, even ones conducted on your crowd, and that fact will never, ever stop being hilarious.
>>
>>7186990
Bean water enthusiasts like this are one notch above child rapists. Fuck you pieces of shit.
>>
>>7190402
If you can't tell the difference between different beans then I feel really bad for you. You probably shouldn't even bother eating food at this point.
>>
>>7186990

>Shitty coffee with loads of cream and sugar ranks above french press

Ayy lmao
>>
>>7186990
Holy fuck you don't know shit about coffee and clearly don't enjoy it if you think French Press is bad but would drink from dunkin donuts with cream and sugar, and canned coffee is fucking poison. And any drink with more milk than a cappucino is garbage, but enjoy your large single shot lattes pleb.
>>
>>7186990
This cuck doesn't know about ground coffee mixed with ground cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg and cardamom in a cafetiere.

>still thinks his opinions matter

Laughable 2bh
>>
>>7189911
Pour over
>>
Drinking JBM this morning, my local shop has it by the cup a few times a year as a loss leader
>>
>>7186990
I haven't seen such a degree of autism tied to almost objectively incorrect opinions
>>
Preferable tier:
Espresso from an actual coffee shop (after 12 PM, which means by definition after eating lunch). Only a demitasse cup, consumed immediately while standing up, never a disposable cup or it goes STRAIGHT TO THE TRASH
Pourover from a micro-lot (paper filter ONLY, before 11:59 AM ONLY)
Cappuccinos or lattes occasionally (not accompanied by anything larger than a small sweet pastry, never after 11:59 AM, only ever whole milk)

Permissible in case of emergency tier:
Mass-market drip coffee (starbucks, dunkin donuts, etc) mixed with large amounts of half & half and cane sugar to mask the taste (only when there is no other option, and never after 11 AM)
Canned coffee of any type
Burned-ass cafe con leche from the dominican/puerto rican restaurant around the corner
Caffeine pills
Pre-workout powder mixed with water

Unacceptable tier:
Cappuccinos, lattes, or espressos from Starbucks or any similar sort of establishment
Espressos from any restaurant whatsoever no matter how many michelin stars
Espressos from a paper demitasse cup, fuck you
Pourover made with real coffee, but ruined with sugar or dairy
Mass-market drip coffee without half & half and massive amounts of cane sugar
Delis that don't mix the sugar before pouring the mass-market drip coffee but instead provide sugar packets

Kill yourelf tier:
French press
Agave instead of cane sugar
Black coffee from Starbucks
Nespresso and similar
Those weird chemical creamer packets with noxious flavors like "french hazelnut creme"
>>
People aren't this pretentious and douchebag in real life are they?
>>
>>7193948
I am desu senpai
Thread posts: 82
Thread images: 14


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