How to best ruin coffee

Add gasoline and wet shit in your coffee. Guaranteed just one of those will ruin it 100%.

>>7186829
can I add the caveat that I'd like it to still be drinkable. (Further noting that I'm neither a huffer nor a jenkem addict)

>>7186867
I was going to recommend just regular milk and sugar but milk is the reason why you keep using coffee mate...

Try condensed milk. I put that shit in and love it and it's already sweet enough for me.

>>7186875
I mean, I've never actually tried milk except through the natural bliss stuff (I don't keep any around the house generally), so I'm gonna try it just to make sure it creates that same flavor interference I referred to (rather than being unique to CoffeeMate).

Secondary question though: What would be the quantities to use for manual favoring with stuff like vanilla extract or cinnamon? Would you basically be measuring in pinches in drops if you're flavoring by the cup? (I know, this after all that talk of "flavor interference")

>>7186764
>I'm not really interested in home grinding
Why not? It takes literally 30 seconds and it's surprising how much more flavour there is in it.

You also then unlock bean shops which allows you to try all sorts of new and interesting varieties of coffee which may never produce enough beans per year to warrant a company selling them pre-ground.

As for your question, I always have whole milk and brown sugar, usually a different brand every time because I like the variety.

Grass-fed butter

>>7187183
Well, the place I order from roasts and grinds the day they ship, so I'm using the coffee between three days and two months of when its been ground. That seems to me to be pretty damn fresh compared to any store shelf. Also, a course grind has larger particles and will go stale/lose CO2 slower than finer grinds, in addition.

Also also, as a practical matter, I don't live alone or keep regular hours, and while I'm good at doing basically anything I want quietly enough not to wake anyone, there's no silencing a burr grinder.
I could pre-grind, but that kinda defeats the purpose.

All this is also expensive and a lengthy extra step to take EVERY day.

>usually a different brand every time
Of brown sugar? I wasn't aware there was a lot of difference. (I'm the same way with constant change-ups)

>>7187192
Now that's interesting.

>>7186764
I find the best stuff to add to coffee is just a little sip of as fat fucking cream you can find. Yummy, it feels like you saturate the coffee without making the brew any blander. Lovely.

>>7187297
What's fatter than heavy cream?

inb4 morbidly obese cream

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>>7187293
>Of brown sugar? I wasn't aware there was a lot of difference
Yeah, most of the flavour comes from the amount and variety of the molases used as well as the refining and manufacturing technique. I recommend giving it a try if you never have, and start with the lighter colours which have the more subtle flavourings.

Oh, btw, I read an article saying with french press, you should go ahead and brew for 6-8 minutes rather than the usually suggested 3-4, and I was gonna try it today.

Anybody tried that? I don't know how common french press is here. Am I about to ruin today's shit?
I was skeptical until I calculated the article's suggested amounts of grinds to use and it came out to a perfect 1.25% dissolved solids, which is legit.

>>7187334
I leave my cafetiere to brew for as long as it takes me to roll a joint which is probably about that long.

I don't think it's possible to leave coffee to brew too long unless it's too cold to drink afterwards.

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>>7187334
You're going to over-extract and it will be bitter. I wouldn't recommend it, but you may as well try it once to find out what you don't want! I've always had best results using a medium grind instead of the standard coarse and actually shortening the brew time. Most FP screens are quite fine and you don't actually need the coarse grind everyone recommends. Plus, coarse grinding is a recipe for an uneven grind.

>>7186764
Sweetened condensed milk

>>7187344
Well, the fear is over-utilization of the grounds. Like >>7187355 said.

What I've read is that you can utilize up to 30% of the coffee's mass, but that once you go past 20%, what you're extracting tastes bad.

See, in leading up to talking about the extended brew, the article talked about how French press is sorta comparable to a conventional oven, whereas drip brew is like a convection oven (new water constantly flowing over the grounds).

While the article didn't explicitly SAY this, I'm thinking the logic is that within the press pot, you might have an equilibrium that's reached that prevents over-extraction.
Not full saturation of the water, PER SE, but a balance where the water is saturated enough that it can't draw anything more out of the grounds.

OR the article is full of shit.
Found it for reference.
http://www.seriouseats.com/2014/07/how-to-make-better-french-press-coffee-tips-technique-grind-timing.html

>>7187389
Yea, I've seen that article and I just figured he was another lost soul that was used to bitter coffee.

Anyways, try it and report.

>>7187396
No time like the present, I guess.

>>7187396
Well, the results of the article's suggestions is an addition of bitterness, aftertaste, and a noticeable degree of enhancement to what is usually a very slight coating of my mouth with coffee residue.

Although, I unfortunately did bad science since I changed three things (on the articles suggestion) rather than isolating to one change, so while the bitterness is PROBABLY from adding 50%+ to the brew time, I did also pour the hot water immediately onto the grounds (like, as it still boiling in the kettle in my hand) rather than waiting my usual 15-20 seconds.

It has occurred to me that this experiment has fallen perfectly within the stated topic of this thread.

>>7187323
Hey, what do I search for that gets me sites that sell ingredients like this?
Searching "chef supplies" seems to get me cutlery and restaurant trappings rather than a site that would sell a bunch of different types of brown sugar, ect.

>>7187524
Amazon US had loads, search for brown, demerara, muscovado, turbinado, brown cane. I'm sure there's a lot more.

I just buy mine from the local shops, they have dozens of brands.

>>7187541
Thanks. Looking at that now.

>>7187491
I guess this experiment didn't end up being that bad once the temperature/flavor shift happened.
Its not that great, but I see what some people would like about it. It might be worth some of you trying to see if you like it.

Also, don't buy beet sugar. Make sure it's cane sugar.

>>7187491
>I did also pour the hot water immediately onto the grounds (like, as it still boiling in the kettle in my hand) rather than waiting my usual 15-20 seconds.

Waiting 30 seconds "off-boil" like some people talk about does nothing unless you are working with a very small quantity of water.

>>7187358
Jeeeeesus, I just looked this up: Twice the fucking calories of CoffeeMate.

>>7187592
So does that mean the concept of letting the water cool is flawed and I should just pour when its boiling? or does that mean I should wait longer?

>>7187192
>feeding grass to butter

>>7187389
Hipsters are trying their hardest to be different. If you want bitter coffee then just buy Walmart shelve coffee.

I can't wait for this "bitter is better" meme to die so I can drink a bud light and eat milk chocolate without having some fedora tipper telling me how inferior my palate is.

>>7187644
I just pull it off before it boils but I guess if you wait until it boils then you could just wait longer. Get yourself a instant read thermometer and experiment

>>7189203
Well now, if you just made bitter coffee that wasn't even arabica beans (i.e. Walmart coffee), you'd have something different than what I was experimenting with earlier, since you'd have those traditionally negative flavors being ALL THERE IS, rather than complimenting something else.

That's why I ultimately said it'd be worth some people trying. Bitterness IS a valid flavor addition, but I'm not gonna turn my nose up like we're doing /ck/ in /v/'s style and say, "You're a casual if you don't like it".

>>7189218
Yeah, I guess that would be worth doing once or twice just to get the feel for how long I should wait.

>>7189250
Oh by the way, has anybody tried the trick of scooping out the floating cake of coffee before pressing?

I've read that one in a couple of places that it reduces dregs (or fines, whatever)

I've also read in one place that the dregs are like, pure LCLs (bad cholesterol).

Another random question (and to justify a bump) has anyone ever heard of the idea of leaving the lid off of a press pot during brewing?

The intention, as I read it, was to let the coffee breathe more after the bloom, but I don't know what effect less CO2 in the air above the cake would actually have.
Also, this would produce the obvious secondary effect of cooling the coffee as it brewed, so you'd have a greater range of temperatures present during extraction (whatever that would do).

I've been doing this for a while, but I'm gonna drop it if I can't get a second source confirming what it does/whether its good.

>>7189680
I haven't seen any guides on youtube that put the lid on during the bloom, and all but one of them put the lid on after the 30-60 seconds of blooming and a stir. My gut tells me it wouldn't make much of a difference. I put the lid on after blooming and adding the rest of the water.

>>7189680
>let the coffee breathe more after the bloom

Hah! I want to see a double blind test on this.

>>7189775
Well, I sorta feel the same way about stuff like home grinding, but this is something that's very very simple to implement.

Can anyone recommend me something vanilla flavoured to add to my coffee?

I really like the Nespresso Vanilla pods, but I also like grinding and using my cafetiere and the only Vanilla coffee syrup I've tried was a strange mix of disgusting and flavourless (Monin - I got a sample pack and they were all pretty bad except for Caramel).

Would just plain vanilla extract like you put in cakes work?

>>7189256
>Oh by the way, has anybody tried the trick of scooping out the floating cake of coffee before pressing?
You shouldn't be able to do this. Stir the coffee while adding water so it doesn't clump up.

>>7189680
>has anyone ever heard of the idea of leaving the lid off of a press pot during brewing?
I do this, but not for flavour reasons. Whenever I make a pot it always foams up a bit and I wait until it collapses so I don't accidentally push any grinds floating in the foam up the 'spout' by compressing it.

Add a Jigger of Whiskey and a Tablespoon of Brown Sugar.

Real Irish Coffee, none of that Kahlua and Bailey's crap. Simple yet delicious.

http://youtu.be/ZA-BjXjgNuc

>>7190818
I was wondering about this myself. I haven't tasted vanilla extract in a long time, but isn't it one of those things where like, even a quarter teaspoon to a cup would overwhelm the coffee? I could be completely wrong about that.
If I'm right, I'm hesitant to use it since measuring by droplets is sketchy to me.

>>7190822
I mean, proper stirring stops the full-on "cake" forming like when I first started french-pressing, but there's still a significant amount in a top layer at the end of the brew. Do you mean that shouldn't be there?
I would think if you were stirring the whole time, at a certain point, you'd start knocking extra fines lose from the grinds.

>>7190831
Yeah, that shit's annoying. I'm OCD about filling the pot as full as I can, so I keep brushing up against that point where the foam is gonna push out of the spout.

1 part cocoa per 10 parts ground coffee and a pinch of salt

>>7190841
I'll need to try this at least once.

I also wonder if bitters would be any good in coffee.

>>7190862
When you say 10 parts GROUND coffee, you mean to add the cocoa to what you brew?

Does it make a difference if its french pressed, do you think?

>>7190818
I know we have some vanilla coffee in islands (bourbon/reunion island for me). I didnt check prices but the only thing I can tell you is that this is kinda shit is gud. It's really sweet and tasty at the same time.

The other thing you can do is getting really vanilla crop and putting them in coffee. Jus let them in for like a few weeks and the shit will brew in. It's a bit less good than the thing above but still better than chemical flavor.

>>7186764
hehehe old daddy maked us a coffee's drink up on the morning's side each day for it

old daddy cooked us up one of them coffee's drink

old daddy mix in2 it cola drink and also country time seaseonings

mix in2 it cola's drink and country's time seasonsonigs

>>7187334
All of these 3-4 minute brew times are insane, and now they're trying to tell people to go longer? No wonder no one likes French press when most of those who try to use it don't use it properly.

>>7190954
hehe old daddy make a brew in one minute by using boiling greasewater and fried up the coffee's bean inside of a frying's pan

>>7190954
>3-4 minute brew times are insane
So you'd say go shorter?

>>7190967
I work at a brewstop and have official barrista-brand national certification

at our brewstop we only keep the brew under the flame for 2 minutes TOPS

we remove the brew after that and pour down inside of the mix

>>7190991
Wait, you lost me with the terms, "under the flame" and pouring "down inside of the mix"

Does "under the flame" just mean brewing and "the mix" refer to what you're mixing the coffee with to create the create the specific item the customer ordered?

>>7190991
>barrista-brand national certification
lol what

also thats not how you use a french press, you shitter.

>>7190945
If you were just going to spoon in a little extract into the cup, how much would be the right amount?

Well here's some weird shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu7MUUK81iE

>>7191219
>I think this could be the fourth wave
Kek

What's weird is that fucking guy.

>>7191244
That was a guy...?

>>7187308

buttermilk?

>>7187334

Depends on what you're using, if its a dark roast 6-8 minutes might be too long and will end up being disgusting. 6-8 minutes for a very oily bean might be worth it though

>>7190967
Yes.
If you like it the way you're making it, cool, but so many people complain about press coffee when they do all sorts of crazy things with it. That's not the fault of the press.
>>7190991
I have no idea what you're talking about.

>>7190850

I think you're supposed to pour in concentric circles from the outside in with the water, breaking up the island that forms. You let that sit for half the brew time, then you stir it up good

or at least thats what my coffee crazed ex taught me

>>7187308
I made eggnog cream to put in my coffee. I don't know that it's fatter than heavy cream because it has a bunch of sugar, but it's a pretty high ratio of egg yolks, so maybe.
You could also cook down heavy cream. Eventually it'll just leave an oil slick on top of your coffee, though.

>>7191201
I actually have no idea for the idea is to let the coffee infuse before brewing it (so you have to leave the vanilla with the coffee in a box or whatever)

>>7187192
this is legit