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Bad food memories

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What are the most embarrassing memories you guys have of cooking food? Either for yourself or for others

>Started learning to cook while I was in University
>Had a crush on a girl I beta orbited
>Offered to cook dinner for her one day while she studied
>She accepted
>Pretty sure she didn't like me but she wanted to have a free meal
>She comes over, starts studying
>I go into the kitchen and cook for her
>Make Chicken Chow Mein
>She compliments me on the smell
>I try to make her laugh by complimenting her on her smell, she doesn't laugh
>When the food is done I throw in some pictures of Rebecca Black, Scumbag Steve, and Nyan Cat
>Present the dish to her
>''Its done! I made chicken chow meme!''
>put it down in front of her
>she scoops up one of the nyan cat pictures and looks at me confused
>tells me she can't eat it
>I apologise and buy her food from a takeaway, wasted all that food for nothing
>we eat the takeaway in silence and she leaves straight after

Still can't make Chinese food without remembering this shit.
''Its done! I made chicken chow meme!''
God damn man that hurt me from here.
>When the food is done I throw in some pictures of Rebecca Black, Scumbag Steve, and Nyan Cat

you had pictures of maymays lying around to throw in?

what the hell where you thinking?
It always boggles my mind that people come up with this shit, let alone think using it is a good idea.
I printed them
Gotta find yourself a nerdy girl OP. I had an ex that would have loved the fuck outta that.
Nerdy girls seem to be even more cringeworthy than nerdy guys.
>Sister's hot friend comes over
>want to impress her
>especially since I was going to feel her up in her sleep but she was actually awake and saw me go into my sister's room with a half boner, asked me what I was doing, and saw through the bullshit explanation I made up on the spot
>I couldn't help wanting to try, especially since I saw her naked through the crack in a changing room and she had these amazing nipples that were basically my biggest fetish at the time
>try to make an egg frittata
>make it literally all the time
>it was maybe the 30th time I made it because whenever I make something new I keep making it until I get tired of it
>mess up the flipping
>get gets all over the stove
>don't say anything because I was acting super haughty and uppy towards my sister and her cooking
>just finish cooking, clean up, and go eat in my room
>decide to invite this girl over for dinner
>haven't really cooked much outside of basic pasta shit
>decide to make some salmon and rice
>start cooking having no idea what i'm doing
>WA LA dinner is served
>take a bite of the salmon and realize it's burned to a crisp
>the rice is soggy as fuck
>she crunches down on the salmon pretending to like it
>pretty sure I fucked it all up with that
>we still banged that night
She must have really liked me or something. I woulda got the fuck outta there if it were me.
beta: the post

stay strong, friend
slow your roll, son

You got caught going into your sister's bedroom with a boner on your way to sexually assault her and made an egg frittata when you got caught

What do you see when you close your eyes?
>mom out for work
>leaves me a roast to cook for when she returns
>baste in honey, insert cloves of garlic
>taste like shit, ruined dinner for mom

never cook anything bad again.
>wa la

Oh, America
the story is a big garbled, but all the facts are there

when I close my eyes, nothing in the world happens around me
everything just stops until I open them again
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>there are people who actually believed OP's story

I don't get it. You want to bang your sister? Isn't that 4chan circa 2008 stuff?
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>be 5~6 years old
>parents threw me into a day care before going to grade school
>every day lunch was that standard shit pizza, or dreaded sloppy joes
>only drink milk, and eat the bun/crust
>never eat the fruit and syrup, or the peas and carrots, or the actual meal
>only thing I could eat was chicken nugs
>always hungry, forced to take naps, hated the other kids at fucking 5

i didn't chose the thug life
his sisters friend amigo, read again
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>drunk student
>suddenly want to eat cheese sauce
>drop large block of cheddar into hot pan
>go to bed
He got caught going into his sister's bedroom with a boner?
My flatmate did this with boil in the bag rice then tried to bang this girl but couldn't because he couldn't get wood

Nothing like the smell of virginity and regret in the morning
Is English your 7th language?
> be 9-10 years old and see mom always make potato and egg tacos for dad for breakfast every morning
> one day decide im gonna be super cool and make breakfast for everyone
> wake up all incognito and carefully cut the potatos just like mom and crack eggs into a cold pan
> half burnt potatos and fucked up dry scrambed eggs on cold tortillas
> when I finish and give mom breakfast shes touched and says its delicious blah blah blah and eats every bite
> being a dumb kid I go watch tv or fall asleep without ever eating the breakfast
> this goes on for months
> mom always eats it
> one day I eat too with her and realize it taste nothing like hers, no salt and potatoes are hard and still raw
> realize I had been making my mom eat raw potatoes and dry eggs
> start crying but mom tells me not to worry I tried my best and thats why they were delicious to her
I love you mom
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>saw me go into my sister's room with a half boner

Is 'American' your 1st?
If that's true then your mother is a fucking trooper
I made a lot of cooking mistakes before getting my summer job in a 5 star hotel's bakery when I was 15. If you have kids, send them off to a restaurant/bakery/wherever food is involved. They will learn a shitload.

>I made my first carbonara when I was 14 with gruyere cheese. (I'm not even mentioning cream because that would be shitposting.)

>My first orange duck was just boiling orange juice from the bottle and toss the duck in it.

>When I was a kid I think I've made the most disgusting "milkshake" ever for my uncle. It was basically mixing strawberry syrup with milk, with a spoon. And I added in some chocolate cereals.

After my summer job, I pretty much learned a lot and never made major mistakes anymore.
>It was basically mixing strawberry syrup with milk, with a spoon. And I added in some chocolate cereals.
I'd drink it no questions asked.
>19 or so
>invite girl over for dinner
>starting to get friskier with her
>make carne asada and marinade it
>marinade has jalepenos in it
>forgot to wash hands after chopping jalepenos
>end up jalepeno pussy popping this girl
>she thinks something is wrong with her
>I immediately realize I applied
>a topical pain inducing chemical
>to her vagina
>we didnt bang that night
>we banged later tho
Oh, new
The only thing worse than yuroposting is newfag yuroposting.
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>Be me 4 years old
>Eating pre-school lunch
>White candy cubes!
>Mfw when the candy is actually cheese
>20 years later still not able to enjoy cheese
>Fuck that shit
What? Have you never had a sleep over? The point is that you sleep in your friend's room, ie the friend would be in his sister's room
>chicken chow meme
It's alright OP, I love you just for that more than she ever would
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>someone mentions incest
>/ck/ argues about it for 4 hours straight
Let's not beat around the bush here
You guys just want to hear how that guy banged his sister
>poor as fuck family
>dad got hurt on the job, didn't recover very fast
>barely eat at all
>probably 7 meals per week, very small ones
>I'm 5 years old
>so hungry I could cry
>Mom passes out on the couch after tending to my dad
>sneak into kitchen
>use chair as ladder
>snatch fuckhuge peanut butter jar from cabinet
>fatass glob of peanut butter between two stale pieces of bread
>chow down
>oh shit, I star choking
>didn't want mom to know I was stealing food
>ran out of the house behind dumpster
>lost consciousness
>wake up to EMTs in the back of an ambulance
>I let it slip during me telling them what happened we never really ate all that much
>They bought us groceries 2 months in a row
>I'm now an EMT-I
>volunteer and donate at food shelters

tl;dr Mr. Peanut throat fucked a malnourished child so hard he became a medical semi-professional
Good on you MedicAnon.
Well, my uncle's face was certainly full of unanswered questions.
>Have acid reflux bad
>Puke and dry heave fairly frequently because of it
>Go out to eat with some people at a Greek place
>Foods good, fill up quick but start feeling my throat getting tight
>Uncomfortably clear my throat for a few minutes while thinking I should make my way to the bathroom to be safe
>Cough, upon second cough I projectile puke all over the table
>Stumble trying to find words to say
>Just leave

Yeah I haven't talked to those people ever since then, the worst part is I didn't pay for my meal so one of them had to have done it
>15 years old
>I'm going to make a delicious breakfast for Dad like he makes for me
>Same sausage and eggs type stuff
>one difference, he used vegetable oil, and I used Crisco
>I take a bite
>look to dad and say "Don't even worry about it. It's not good."
>"It's fine, son."
>He somehow powers through an entire plate full of this vile cuisine just to make sure I don't feel bad about serving utter shit
I fucked that one up all the way through, but I'll be dammed if I don't make a better salsa these days
>friend is filipino
>friend is coming over
>want to cook filipino
>didnt get chance to practice due to various people within the premises i resided
>it wasnt at all nice

>friend is coming over
>make lasagne including handmade sheets
>fucking delicious
>they say its nice but `i dont like celecy`
>the people in my residence try to block me from ever talking to this person again caus it was `rude`

>make excellent rocket salad
>just me
>throw salad in bin
i dont actually like rocket...
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if you puked they probably all ate for free.
> be young and inexperienced at cooking
>have to make Christmas dinner because mom has cancer and exhausted from her treatments
>decide to make a really nice dinner to cheer her up
>go buy an $80 standing rib roast
>roast comes out nearly well done all the way through

At least the side dishes turned out good.

Anytime I've been embarrassed about my cooking, it's when I'm cooking for company and something goes wrong. Although it's rare that happens anymore, since I'm much more experienced now.
i miss him and milkjug guy.

i sort of dropped off of 4chan for a while, so i don't know too much about progun.
Your mother is an idiot.
She should have known she couldn't keep the ruse going forever and any decent parent knows it's not only OK but actually REQUIRED to put a kid in his place once in a while.
Stupid cunt ate shit for months because she's a failure as a parent.

Makes you wonder if there's anything you're still doing horribly wrong because she didn't have the guts to correct you, doesn't it?
Yeah. You don't have kids do you?

Do you even feel anything at all?
Putting up with it once, sure. But for months?
That's not good parenting, man, it's fear of conflict, even with a child.
Thread posts: 47
Thread images: 8

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