European here i just bought the best sauces. What do i do with it?
Can someone please make a gif of that little jig he does at 5:00?
I'll leave this here
are Master Cu/ck/ Jack and his gray haired friend swingers?
or do they just get together to watch some bulls have their way with their wives? do they have a shed they go to when the wives don't let them watch?
These are important questions that deserve to be investigated.
On another note, Ja/ck/ is going to be releasing some sort of Beef Jerky although he says it's made by someone else... so I don't know why he would brand it. Anyway, someone please set his stupid van on fire.
>"I've got the whole thing. The whole leg. Really!"
>"It's boneless too"
Its been fun cu/ck/s. What's the fastest and most painless way of suicide?
yeah he was trying out some jerkys on his famous award winning cooking show and said that he knew the guy who made them and that they used his sauces on them
the jerky was tough as leather though but they will benefit from Jack's professional tips to make their product easier to bite into
>this isn't enough for dinner for me
>no really jack
>he gives a WA LA at 3:19 followed by a BEAUUTIFUL
That's two WALAs I've seen Jack give in the past couple of days. The ride really never ends.
Why the fuck can he not even cook bacon right. Jesus Christ it's still half raw. And it's not just him, that shitty "enchilada" video that some woman made, the ground beef is still fucking pink.
I actually made a webm of that yesterday but the thread died just after I posted it.
>that half beaten egg
>some water or something
>more egg white, why
>is that OH DEAR GOD
One anon did buy it and he said it tasted like sweet ketchup mixed with liquid smoke jello
I flew to DC from London a few years ago. As soon as we crossed into US waters, all of the Europeans started convulsing and smoke started billowing out of their mouths. A few seconds later they all exploded into clouds of dust.
I nearly didn't make it, but my mum lived in New York for a few years which by American ethnicity rules makes her Italian American or something and that was enough for me to survive. I did need to be rushed to hospital on landing where they gave me some bandages, which I'm still struggling to pay the bill for now, plus tip.
here you go faggot
>This recipe is a little funky
No Jack, you just fucked it up, once again.
>when your mom is done carving the me, you can suck up all the juices
What really pissed me off about that one wasn't that he fucked them up but that he knew so little about the thing he was cooking that he didn't fucking realise it.
If you're going to pretend to teach others how to make Yorkshire puddings you should as a fucking minimum know what they look like and how to pronounce the name.
>We believe in your product
>We just don't believe in you
Eat them after you get cu/ck/'d and then buy the gallon sized versions
I don't know where you're posting from, but eggs are washed in North America before being sold. They look nicer and there's very little chance of disease but they don't last as long.
Could he not google what he's cooking and just get a good idea in his mind what it's supposed to look like?
I thought someone had added that after the fact for comparison.
My favorite part of his videos is when he makes some really sugary dessert than says "I'm just going to try it and send the rest off to my friends!"
Yeah, sure buddy. It's no wonder you have diabetes.
>all that mayo
holy fuck how is this man not dead?
Who is gonna die first? Him or Sara? I say Sara since many comments state she has been ill recently.
i feel bad for sara. She seems very nice but she's being force fed by her husband and if she doesn't get enough food now to satisfy her apatite, she'll parish. It's like heroin
Sara barely survived her last hospital visit... she had to be sent to a hospital with equipment that could handle her weight (not even kidding, she needed special heavy-duty equipment to shake water out of her lungs). Odds are that her next illness will end her.
“Two things I ask of you, Lord;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
The fuck does this have to do with sauce?
Here's his wife using the tongue out method of eating from the same video.
My Vietnamese girlfriend and her entire family say it just like Jack, so I'm going with that man. As hard as it is to agree with Jack...
Fuck this fat faggot is a hyprocrite.
Remember him talking shit about restaurants making claims such as "world famous" or "the best in ...." yet he makes some shitty flavoured slime and claims it is the best you'll ever taste.
Two things I ask of you, Jack;
do cook the chicken or I die:
Keep salmonella and bean salad far from me;
give me neither raw buffalo nor sauces,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and get diabetes
and say, 'Who is the kek?'
Or I may become youtube cook,
and so dishonor the cuisines of the world
>how do you like your onions
>just drown them in butter faм
Seems to be quite common amongst fat Americans to mix anything with mayonnaise and call it salad. Not a pop at America, there are disgusting lard creatures everywhere - but this particular trend is one I've only noticed Americans follow.
He talks about his son and the palestine thing somewhere in this vid, not sure where though.
That's the one about reading. He talks about a lot of stupid shit on that same channel, like how being gay is a choice and he chose to be straight.
Doesn't he have some serious health problems?
Made some video about red meat. Fucking lmao his diet is so terrible it's killing him but can't manage to read for half an hour online about nutrition.
>This is what human emotions look like, right?
Why speculate when you can live the dream?
I think this is probably the worst thing he's ever made. With his other recipes, I can at least laugh, but I can seriously feel my gag reflex triggering when I watch this, all jokes aside.
Dry heaved twice during this.
This is revolting.
here you go buddy
The kid probably had the anger and drug problems because he had to eat Jacks fucking food.
If he ate Ja/ck/'s food he would probably be dead or in a coma.
that fucking cutlery with the hole in the handle. i can just imagine his piggy little eyes bulging with excitement when he saw those in the store. every decision he makes seems to have been made by an 11 year old.
i make cheesecake about once a year because it's phenomenally unhealthy. cream cheese, cream, butter. but you really don't need much sugar. the ingredients are super rich to begin with. what he put in just looks completely inedible to me.
you're drawing the wrong comparison between Ja/ck/ and Tyrone. The important thing isn't that they're both fat, the important thing is they're both completely brain dead and incompetent.
>unironically using a cake mix called "classic yellow"
Just fucking drop that shit in a dumpster and run
I'd bang the fatty
About 25 minutes he talks about how his son started smoking pot and how it was his fault because he pushed his son into interning at a computer shop and that's where he "learned to smoke pot".
What the fuck. He almost starts crying.
U want sum raw juicy meat boi
so this is jack's first wife who he says beat him, right?
>YOOOOHOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HO...HOODEEDOODEEDOOOO
>The alarm wakes me up. I wipe the sleep out of my eyes
>The sweet purr of Tammy's C-PAP machine is comforting, it beckons me back to sleep
>No, I must wake up, today is the day
>I better check on Jack Jr...
>Jack's not in his room...it suddenly hits me that he spent the night at one of his football friends' house
>I've been worrying lately, he's been hanging out with colored folk, they might try to peer pressure him into trying the devil's lettuce
>I'm worrying about nothing, I've raised Jack to be a good man. Never to hit a woman!
>Shower and shave, using my trusty kit from Harry's Razors
>I decide to wear a shirt quoting 1 Corinthians 13:4-0, Jesus will respect my dedication
>Mosey through my hall of hats, decide on a classic little number featuring the character Dedpole, he's a popular guy among the kids
>I must prepare for the chili cook off, this is my calling. I gave up DJ'ing for this.
>Head to the local Kroger to gather my bountiful canned ingredients. Nobody else understands that THIS IS WHAT I DO, if you're going to criticize me on canned items, you're in the wrong place friend.
>The judges will never see my secret ingredient coming
>I've been saving a year old brisket coated in coffee grounds for this purpose, my Christ has commanded it
>Pour every bit of 26 minutes into assembling my chili masterpiece, no one else at the cook off will have dedicated their day as I have
>Tammy finally wakes up and removes her C-PAP mask and gets ready for the chili bowl cook off
>We head over to the football field, Jack is there with his melanin enhanced friends. One of them is giving me dirty looks; I think he's dealing marijuana cigarettes
>I hand my masterpiece to the lovely woman governing this event and she explains that all of the folks present will taste and judge. This will provide fair results as everyone tasting gets a voice (so she tells me).
>Christ bellows into my ears "BLASPHEMY!"
>Why aren't 3 neutral judges allowed at this event? I don't trust the opinion of these homely people with their heretic taste buds. They probably don't even support napalming Palestine.
>I urge Jack Jr and Tammy to vote for what they feel is the best chili, I WILL NOT stoop to the level of telling family and friends to vote for my chili.
>No one has the palate to appreciate freezer aged brisket
>No one here understands the complexity of canned beans and sauce
>This ruse of a contest has been a farce from the start
>I know in my enlarged heart that I am the true winner, and that my chili can bring warring nations together. The love is in the freezer burn.
>Jesus has told me I must infiltrate a high school chili cook off the following week to exact my vengeance via passive aggressive insults to children.
>These people think recipes off the Internet are good? BLASPHEMY!
>Where are the award winners? WHERE ARE THEY?
>I end up leaving extremely disappointed. I await Jesus' command to lead me to my next location for the next highly awaited episode of Jack on the Go.
>Such is the life of a Youtube cooking god
Don't mean to spam, just wanted to share this on another Jack thread
Holy shit, how have I never seen this guy on youtube, who the fuck uses that much cheese in pasta, and calls that shit lasagna.
I bet that fat fuck ate both those foil trays of pasta to himself.
'Lazy man's guide to obesity'
'that's more like a glorified spaghetti'
when he breaks down after mentioning the smoking pot thing is hilarious
maybe cuz you are such a fuck. probably controlling and miserable to be around, and having to eat that terrible food.
His first son sounds fine, Jacks language is absurd
>addicted to marijuanna
>kicked him out of the house at 16 after he 'raged' so Jack chokes him until he has a nosebleed and says he wanted to kill him
>says his son never "raged" in the presence of Jack Jr because he didn't want to upset his little brother
Kinda sad desu, Jack seems like he's mentally retarded and probably fucked up his sons entire life for no reason. So a 16 year old was angry and smoked pot? Welcome to reality, that's fucking everyone at that age you slob.
I like how Jack's retarded brother who hates reading and painting is like a sort of intellectual titan among his peer group. Check out his book (yeh he wrote a book) on Amazon and you'll see that he can't write worth shit.
Jack Scalfani here, from GiveMe Stroke Entertainment.
As you can see, I have made a semi-decent omelette, but I think we can make it better.
Let's dump out half a container of salsa on that badboy.
Now watch me consume it for the necessary nutrients to fuck up my next dish
Jack Scalfani OUT.
Daily reminder that Ja/ck/ has cooked for famous chefs like Todd English
Guy of course. He's kind of a douche but desu I still like him and I'm sure he can make some great drunk food. He'd probably be cool to hang out with in small doses. Most of jacks cooking not only is gag inducing but its seriously a health hazard, I've seen him make things that could kill people with a compromised immune system. On top of that his personality and beliefs are so bad I honestly want to hurt him and wish misfortunes on him, I'm not even a hateful person. Jack is just a terrible terrible disgusting man. I can't even feel pity for him. Usually I at least feel pity for the bad YouTube celebs.
Here's a present for you
HOW DO YOU FUCK UP LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
I'm not a great cook and make mistakes and the occasional fail. I just can't understand how he ruins everything he touches after hosting a cooking show FOR 8 FUCKING YEARS. It just blows my mind, I can't take this
This is everyone's reaction when Ja/ck/ said he wanted to napalm everyone in Palestine
Oh God Why
Cold beans are fucking awful just on their own
I want to watch a video where Ja/ck/ slips on some dog shit on the sidewalk and slams his fat fucking body on the ground. He'll whimper and groan pathetically and start to piss himself until he gets up slowly and shamefully limps away.
You know I never paid attention to it until now... and now I can't unsee it
This isn't even funny like Wanda's Macaroni Salad (tm)
Ja/ck/ has a strained relationship with pizza
he legitimately ruined his son's life
>kicks him out at 16 for being "addicted to weed" and being a jackass (i.e. normal teen behavior) and tells him to never come back
>let grandparents spoil him without intervening
>son now is a full time drug dealer
That talk about the country wedding and being christian made it all make sense though. why is he such a retarded conservative?
It figures that the guy who doesn't like history consistently fucks up his cooking videos again and again, not learning from his simple mistakes.