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Why is whether or not someone bought their own brand the end

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Why is whether or not someone bought their own brand the end all be all of whether or not they're likable for a lot of lolitas? I get it if they're really spoiled and douchey about it, but why is it so problematic to so many people if their parents or SO gift it to them as long as they're humble about it and don't act like they're better than everyone? I've known many people IRL who are so quick to hate on girls in our comm when they're under the impression their clothes are presents, but do a complete 180 and start sucking their asshole the second they find out they bought it themselves. I see this a bit online too. Why is this? I really can't imagine it comes from anything but jealousy.

Pic kinda related- many were quick to shit on her when she first got attention because they thought her parents bought her whole wardrobe.
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>>9286601
Well as long as the person being hated is not a total spoiled cunt, the only reason people hate on them is because they're jealous. Everybody wants stuff without having to work for it.
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>>9286601
Can you cite an example?
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>>9286623
An example of which part? The thing about MF? Search her handle in RBT and look at the earlier threads discussing her.
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>>9286601
Well like any hobby that costs a lot of money, people will assume you are spoilt, don't deserve brand etc. if don't buy things for yourself. This mainly stems from jealousy, for obvious reasons
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>>9286601
What if I buy it myself but it's with made money in an immoral way?
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>>9286681
Technically speaking, pretty much anyone making money in America is doing so in a way that can be argued as immoral, so who gives a shit?
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>>9286601
It's a way for people not born into money to feel superior and better about themselves. I say this as someone who was not born into a rich or middle class family. I earn my own brand money but also get gifts. I was often asked "doesn't it feel better when you work for it yourself?"

NO it fucking doesn't. At all. It's stuff. It doesn't feel good to only buy 2-3 dresses a year as opposed to being given a giant allowance and generous gifts. But to many people thinking that helps them get over the jealousy.
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>>9286601
Partly jealousy, partly that these types of people are often insufferable to be around, lacking social awareness of how the other half live and having less to talk about at meets because they can't talk about work. Talking about cases where parents/a SO buy all their lolita here, not where they just support their hobby or buy the odd gift.

Like

girl whose parents buy her lolita
>possibly underage and still a perfectly normal person, just receiving lolita in lieu of other gifts people her age might get
>underage b8 are usually annoying anyway
>even if they're not annoying, they're in a different stage of life to most comm members, giving them less to talk about
>if not underage, it's strange in western culture to have such a dependent relationship with your parents
>possibly spoilt, possibly just from a very wealthy background, trust fund, inheritance, etc
>again, probably little in common with comm members due to vastly different lifestyles

girl whose partner buys her lolita
>implies a power imbalance in the relationship
>possibly even DD/lg
>most men don't like lolita, so if he is the exclusive source of her clothes that implies he's choosing for her, which will make other lolitas suspect it's a fetish thing
>lolitas hate ageplayers so will dislike the girl
>(or she's a sugar baby and this is her "payment", which is a different kind of weird relationship)
>if she's an adult, why isn't she working?
>if she's a stay-at-home mother, some will think having a luxury hobby is irresponsible
>if her partner prefers her as a housewife, it implies either a strong belief in traditional gender roles, or even BDSM
>again, most lolitas won't be able to relate and might be weirded out
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>>9286766
>if she's a stay-at-home mother, some will think having a luxury hobby is irresponsible
>most men don't like lolita, so if he is the exclusive source of her clothes that implies he's choosing for her, which will make other lolitas suspect it's a fetish thing
I think most of the reasoning you listed makes a lot of sense, but these two are kind of over the top judgmental. Plenty of people can afford one parent staying at home and luxury hobbies at the same time. My parents aren't rich, but my mom was able to spend a lot of money on my step dad's hobbies when he was a SAH dad for me without it being financially irresponsible at all (and it was much more expensive stuff than lolita because it involved lots of travel). Also, just because a guy doesn't like something doesn't mean he won't be willing to buy it for his girlfriend if she's passionate about it. My boyfriend hates weeb shit, but he still buys it for me for birthdays and Christmas because like any normal person when he's buying gifts, he thinks of who he's buying it for, not himself.
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>>9286766
I don't think spending money on brand and other expensive hobbies as a stay at home mom is necessarily bad. Taking care of a new kid can be just as much work as having a normal 9 to 5 job. Now I wouldn't spend the money my husband earned on brand without his approval or if we really couldn't afford it but some people can make enough to support a family and their hobbies and it's honestly nobody's business but their own.
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I feel like I'm in sort of a grey-area. While my dad started a portfolio when I was born so I would have money later in life, I took the initiative to research how to trade stocks and diversify my portfolio and I grew my savings from 50,000 to 129,000 dollars. While some of the money was originally my dad's, the money I use now is partly from my good investment decisions. So I really can't claim that I earned my lolita wardrobe through hard work. I just feel like how people obtain their lolita clothing is no ones business unless they're assholes or hurting someone.
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>>9286763
fucking this omg

No it does NOT feel better to earn shit yourself

working sucks
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>>9286702
What the fuck kind of SJW are you? Going to work is immoral? Waitressing, office work, cleaning lady, freelancing, etc is immoral? You probably don't even work and your parents are paying for your freshman year of college.
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I think it does get a bit weird when family or a partner buys the bulk of the wardrobe. I don't mind ladies who receive items as birthday or holiday gifts, but having someone else completely fund whatever item you want just seems strange. I'm curious as to whether the family or partner is taking an interest in the hobby, or just giving them cash whenever they want?

Besides my nosiness, the only other issue I have is that it can make chitchat awkward at times. Sometimes people will just want to gripe about prices or looking for deals, but then there will be Teenage-chan who will just awkwardly mumble about how their parents buy them a big item on their birthday and Christmas, and a few blouses and accessorizes now and again that can also be used for daily wear. (I've never met a fully-funded lolita in the wild, just a few novice teenagers.)
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>>9286806
>>9286816
I don't necessarily subscribe to these beliefs myself, but I'm explaining why lolitas like this might be unpopular. Some lolitas are catty and think mothers shouldn't be allowed hobbies after marriage - you can see ample evidence of that on this board (although desu most "lolita moms" that openly post online seem to go the opposite route of being horrendously ita handmade messes - still hated more than normal lolitas, even though nobody is jealous of their lifestyle like they might be with a rich housewife).
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>>9286766
There's a third scenario of the girl whose partner buys her lolita because she's currently unemployed. I've met girls who got new lolita items (currently through 2-3 gifts, I've never met anyone who got their whole wardrobe this way), and while most lolitas think it's nbd that their partner got them a gift they couldn't afford themselves, I've occasionally seen and heard people spread gossip that girls in that situation must be voluntarily unemployed, too lazy to work, irresponsible, [insert stereotypical right-wing belief about the unemployed here], etc.
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>>9286867
>I'm curious as to whether the family or partner is taking an interest in the hobby, or just giving them cash whenever they want?
Is it strange that I'd find them giving them cash whenever they want, or giving them a generous allowance, less weird? I can envisage rich parents or a wealthy partner thinking that was no big deal, but most of the situations I can think of where a partner especially would pay for a huge amount of stuff but *only* lolita remind me of that situation in a comm thread a while back where an anon was complaining about a girl in her comm who openly said she wore lolita because her "daddy" liked it and paid for it. Of course, this is an anon board, so that story could be completely fictitious, but it still gives me skeevy vibes.
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Girl in my comm talks about how big her closet is. Her parents bought her a ton of it.
I'm not really bothered by the fact she owns a lot. But the 'trying to show off' feeling I get from her kinda annoys me, especially since she didn't earn most of it.

maybe I'm just autistic because I also hate the "I just bought this" posts on the comm page as well
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>>9286850
lolno to literally every assumption you're making about me because I stated a fact. I'm by no means a SJW moralfag, hence why I said "who cares?", but the reality of working in most places in America is some corporation that does fucked up shit is profiting off of you, especially if you're a low level employee.
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I started to wear lolita in my teens and I had no job, so alot of peices in my wardrobe were gifts for my birthday and christmas. I dont feel bad about it as they were big importent gifts (if i got a brand jsk for example, i wouldnt really get anything else that year) and im really greatfull about it, I still have all those peices and would never dream of selling them.
Ofc now I have a job I buy most of my own stuff, but when christmas rolls around I might ask for some brand socks or something. I think thats different from a parent or boyfriend just buying you random stuff whenever you ask.
I mean, most people that celebrate christmas ask for gifts that reflect their hobbies, so why would getting a brand new AP jsk be any different from a mom getting her 12 year old son an Xbox and a bunch of games?
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>>9286885
>why would getting a brand new AP jsk be any different from a mom getting her 12 year old son an Xbox and a bunch of games?
Tbh, the AP JSK is probably cheaper.

I think it's the effort:reward thing that gets people. Lolitas have no problem encouraging younger girls to save up their allowance for lolita, even though their allowance is still their parents money, so the outcome is the same as if their parents bought them a dress, especially if they get a generous allowance. This doesn't seem to be frowned upon because the time taken to save and effort to budget, not spend on other things etc seems to be considered like "work" for a dress. If a girl's parents randomly buy her a dress, people will feel like she hasn't worked for it, even though it's the parents' money either way.

That or people consider an allowance a normal source of income for teenagers, even though plenty of teenagers don't get an allowance at all (I didn't).
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>>9286763
>>9286830
I cannot understand this sentiment. I'm from a lower class family, tried to get a job before I was legally of age to do so and my controlling mother refused to sign the work permit. All my life I have witnessed people using their ability to provide for others as a form of control. "If you do X, I'll take Y away/won't do Z for you." I've seen this play out so fucking often, not only in my own life, but in my friends' lives, that I am literally scared to rely on anyone. Work sucks but it's extremely preferable to being trapped in those kinds of relationships. Being able to stand on your own feet by yourself means others can't push you over when it suits their narcissistic agendas.

Either you guys are really lucky to be surrounded by such good people or you don't realize you're already ensnared in someone's puppet show as we speak.
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>>9286915
>>9286885
My mom used to buy me all the latest game consoles and shit tons of vidya. Not even as b-day or xmas gifts, it was literally "oh hey, there's a new Play Station, gotta buy that and at least five games to go with it at once". If I asked her for a burando dress for my birthday or Christmas? She'd act like that was a completely ridiculous request and be like "how can you ask me to spend that much money on one gift?" even though she would end up spending more than twice that on gaming stuff. Hell, even if I bought it with my allowance or money I earned from working, she'd be like "really? You're gonna spend that much on clothes?"

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Buying me so much vidya was super sweet of her, but I did always find the double standard really odd. Especially when she didn't even dislike lolita.
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>>9286881
I just bought this posts are pretty shitty unless it's an offbrand something and it's an actual review of the item

There are mail threads and wardrobe posts months for a reason. Also, these people could always make haul videos of youtube instead of bugging their comms
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>>9286969
I'm one of the anons you replied to, the 2nd one, and I can see why you have your perspective.

People in my life have been, for the most part, very kind and generous to me. I know if my parents were rich they'd buy me anything. I got a job pretty young and was always doing random stuff for extra cash as a teen. But it sucks and I'd rather just be given everything I want, lol
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>>9286969
You sound like you're projecting your trust issues

>>9286827
Do you do day trading or what?
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>>9286969
This. I've known too many people who use money to abuse and control to romanticize the housewife or mommy's princess lifestyle. Not shitting on anyone who is financially dependent on their parents or spouse, just saying that unless you've hit the humanity lottery, that's a really dangerous dynamic to fuck around with.
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>>9286969
Sounds like you had trust issues anon, but I can empathise. I had abusive family members who would use the fact they were paying to support me to control my behaviour too. Thank fuck one of them eventually withheld child support for long enough that I was declared legally independent and managed to get loans and scholarships to pay my way through college without having to rely on them for handouts. I've known three different people at university who had similar fucked-up family situations but were still financially dependent on the family member in question, and it caused them some horrible situations, especially for one who is gay with homophobic family. I never want to be in that sort of situation again, and I'm careful not to rely on others for money now.

I actually got into lolita in high school but I hid all my purchases and only ever spent money I got given on my birthday from my grandparents and other relatives on it.
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>>9287012
Not that anon, but it's less them projecting their trust issues and more them projecting reality.
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>>9287015
>projecting reality
>>9287013
>unless you've hit the humanity lottery

What kind of scumbags do you guys know that you really think it's that rare for someone to have legitimately loving (and rich) parents or spouse? Like yeah lots of creeps use money for controlling purposes but just as many are just generous and nice
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>>9287021
"Humanity lottery" is an exaggeration, but I've known so many people whose parents use money to control every aspect of their lives. Like "if you don't break up with this person because they're of a different race/religion/gender/economic background than we want, we will stop paying for your college" level extreme. I've also known a lot of people who were in really solid relationships, but the second one became financially dependent on the other, all power balance went out the window. Not to mention, if you guys break up, then you're fucked. Like, yeah it's not like if you're financially dependent on someone, you're doomed, but the reality is that they do have power over you and you're at the mercy of whether or not the choose to exercise it.
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>>9286969
you and I have a lot in common.
my parents were always playing power games with me as a child, breaking or taking my things, even things given to me by extended family members. they were pretty abusive in this and other areas but this specifically has made me extremely protective of my stuff.
buying my own things and keeping them safe is a huuuge deal for me.

I definitely notice a downside to how broke my family was growing up in how I constantly feel the need to buy something for my wardrobe at least once a week. even if it's a necklace or a pair of tights. it's lolita and food that I spoil myself with. unfortunately, lolita is considerably more expensive than food. I'm working on chilling out spending-wise, but lolita's my only hobby that requires me to spend.

as an adult, I would never let anyone but family gift me something expensive unless I have gotten them something equally as valuable. I like balance when it comes to money.

I wouldn't be mad if someone wanted to spoil me with stuff like homemade food and foot rubs though. I'm a greedy bitch for loving, handmade stuff like that. anything else I prefer to buy myself
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>9287021
I'm #9286969. My best childhood friend had a genuinely supportive, loving family. We went to summer camp together for a week in 3rd grade. She brought photos of all her family members and cried herself to sleep holding them. I was incredulous and at the end of the camp I was sad because I didn't want to go home. We are adults now and she is best friends with her mother while I can barely look mine in the face.

The dynamic isn't that black and white in most of my other friendships but many of my friends had selfish parents who emotionally neglected them most of the time yet guilt tripped them when they wanted something or threatened to take things away. A prime example is my ex's psycho father who once threatened to kill his cat over a small disagreement.

I chalk the cluster effect up to the fact that I live in a lower income area. The successful people are able to move to better areas. Self-sabotaging/manipulative/narcissistic behaviors don't lead to success so the people who stay behind are generally a little screwy. There's also the fact that, as I cited above, I have a hard time understanding people who actually grew up in supportive environments so obviously most of my lasting friends are going to have shared experiences because we don't have to constantly explain to each other why we're so fucked up.
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>>9287021
>What kind of scumbags do you guys know that you really think it's that rare for someone to have legitimately loving (and rich) parents or spouse? Like yeah lots of creeps use money for controlling purposes but just as many are just generous and nice
Parents, yes.

Spouse, that's can be a red flag. Even if it starts off loving, you can put yourself into a very vulnerable position if the relationship goes sour. I don't have a really abusive background like many anons in the thread, but my father had a well-paying job and encouraged my mother to quit her job and stay at home and look after the children because it made him feel like a man. I had a pretty idyllic childhood but he developed mental issues in my late teens, and they divorced. He made some major purchases right before they separated and deliberately left the household with debts he knew she was unable to pay off to get revenge. When she re-entered the workforce she could only get entry level jobs because she'd been a SAHM/part-timer for so long, and even years later after retraining she's still on a low income, despite having a better degree and earning more out of college than my father did. Even if you love your partner and love being a housewife, if you're not working at all you need to think very carefully about how fucked you'd be even if you broke up amicably, never mind if they deliberately tried to fuck you over financially.
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>>9286766
Is not being able to talk about work really such a downer on conversations at meets? Sounds kind of boring it that's so much of what you discuss.
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>>9286969
I'm really sorry for your experiences anon. I totally get where you are coming from, but I think that if someone is able to control a person by funding their hobbies, than that person really needs to reflect on why they are willing to sacrifice so much for just dresses or animu or whatever.You can be financially independent and also have an SO that gives you gifts you like, and parents that want to give you things they never had. And wearing the dresses that I had to save for months for, doesn't feel at all better than the ones that were given to me.
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>>9287085
Yeah, that's what I thought when I saw this post. Like, really, you can't relate to someone who doesn't work a normal 9-5 enough to have a conversation? Why not talk about... oh, I don't know... lolita?
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>>9287085
Work stays at work for me. However, I had a couple of friendships fizzle out because they would get annoyed with my schedule. I would only have 2 days off a week whereas theirs was wide open and they could't possibly understand why I wasn't always available. The 2 days I was available, they were spending time with their working SO or doing something with the kids/kids' parents. We drifted apart because we had different goals and views. Fashion alone was not enough to sustain our relationship.

Plus I think it's weird for an adult to not even work part-time or contribute at all when they don't have kids or other responsibilities. I'm not saying all people are like this, but the few I knew didn't know how to handle any responsibility because they were used to their SO doing everything. Instead of friends, I felt like a second parent which was so unhealthy.
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>>9286601
Other people's finances are none of my business, and my finances are none of anyone else's business. Like you said, OP, people are just jealous.
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>>9287085

Not the anon who wrote it. It's in a list with a bunch of other things, so I'd take it as a contributing factor instead of a big deal by itself.

There's a different lifestyle when you're working and paying your own way, compared to if you're a freeter doing your own thing, so I can see how one working woman and one non-working woman can sit down and totally not find a way to relate to each other. For eg, someone who doesn't work may not understand 100% when you talk about the daily grind or something at work that upset you, someone who doesn't pay for her own lolita will find it harder to relate when you say you can't afford this month's new release, someone who doesn't commute anywhere daily might find it difficult to visualise what rush hour traffic is really like, someone who is on her own time all the time might not understand how you don't have time to do other things because you're working full time and tired after you're done, etc, etc.

It may not be the direct topic at the meetup, but I can see how the different lifestyle could seem alien enough that two people can sit down and not find a single way to relate to one another. Even when you want to talk about lolita, someone who only buys secondhand/taobao talking to someone who only ever buys direct releases might find it difficult to find topics in common as well, and this doesn't even take into account if the two girls are into different substyles.
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>>9286874
Honestly, in situations like that I'd be more likely to assume the girl was barely trying to find work, or was all PTSD'd out from trying to do interviews and failing and then getting sympathy gifts.
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>>9286969
My dad's side of the family, who I ended up living with as a teen, definitely tried to control me with gifts. Tried to keep me at home by telling me I didn't have to work and shit like that, and best of all, I wasn't allowed to have a bank account! Even after 18 when I was legally allowed to, but nah, I was under my dad's roof and he can just get what ever I need so I don't need to worry about it.

I have it in me now to have my own job and when I was unemployed for 4 months with my current boyfriend, I became insanely depressed and I hated that he had to work for me an him to eat and pay rent plus utilities. I did look for jobs but it was during a slow time of year and it took me four months to get anywhere. Crushed my ass, but I got out of it. Never want to be in that situation ever again. I get anxious at work sometimes if I fuck up too much, because I'm worried I'll be back there again and sometimes I have to make trips to the bathroom to cry it out so I can move on with my day so I don't lose a job again. In a way I've become a perfectionist that's super paranoid.

All that being said. I always daydream about how the grass is greener on the other side. I do wish I was rich enough to not have to do anything. But who don't, right?
Besides, I know that deep down, I wish I was the provider. It's unlikely, but that's what I have left to daydream about aside from collecting every single dress on my wishlist. Oh and going to glorious Nippon some day.

Sorry for blogposting everyone. Just wanted to say I kind of feel both ways and that it's possible to feel both ways.
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>>9287066
>We are adults now and she is best friends with her mother while I can barely look mine in the face.
oh my fucking christ, I have never related to something this much ever.
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>>9287152
>Plus I think it's weird for an adult to not even work part-time or contribute at all when they don't have kids or other responsibilities. I'm not saying all people are like this, but the few I knew didn't know how to handle any responsibility because they were used to their SO doing everything. Instead of friends, I felt like a second parent which was so unhealthy.
This. I'm a SAH spouse with no children, but literally every household responsibility sans making money is on me (as it should be since I don't contribute financially) and two of my other SAH friends can't grasp why I can't just go hang out with them whenever I want during the day and get a weekly maid. Most aren't like this, but so many people think childless housewifery is this mystical phenomenon where you get to do anything you want and have zero responsibility. I have no problem with people who have zero responsibility and their SO does everything in theory, but the reality is that many of these people don't grasp that their situation isn't how it is for most people and tend to act like children and everyone around them ends up in a weirdly parental role.
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I don't see the problem at all with getting most of your wardrobe from your SO, especially if your SO is working and you're not. Is it really so weird nowadays for husbands to buy their wives nice things?

I get that anyone who doesn't work a 9-5 job is seen as lazy by a lot of people, but someone isn't automatically not allowed to have a hobby just because they're a housewife. It isn't like being a housewife doesn't have responsibilities of it's own. Being a good housewife is a job in and of itself, and it's one you don't get paid for. It isn't unreasonable to receive nice gifts every once in a while.

I get that a lot of people seem to be completely against the whole "traditional" working husband/housewife dynamic nowadays, but for people who choose to live that sort of life I fail to see the problem.
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My SO pays for 90% of my brand. I don't work and go to school 2 days a week. But I've never come across anyone in my comm who disliked me because of that as far as I'm aware. However there's another girl in my comm who gets all of her brand from her dad and people gossip about her sometimes, so I don't know if they gossip about me as well. But she's really clueless about how working class people live and how miserable life is if you don't have enough money. She's the type who romanticizes poverty, and she says things like "money can't buy happiness" even though she obviously never had to worry about money.
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>>9287262
I think there's a difference between traditionally unpaid labour like being a housewife vs. having everything done for you (i.e. you're a "housewife" but have a maid, don't manage the household finances, have no idea how to run your own life, and literally just spend money and do whatever you like)
Someone who knows how to responsibly manage a household and does it well, and has their stuff bought for them is completely different to the spoilt trust fund kid who says shit like "follow your dreams don't worry about money" while frittering it away left right and centre, knowing they'll never experience what actually being poor is like.
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>>9287688
>spoilt trust fund kid who says shit like "follow your dreams don't worry about money" while frittering it away left right and centre, knowing they'll never experience what actually being poor is like.
Well not until they get hooked on drugs ;)
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>>9287835
this is the most obvious bitter poorfag post I've ever read

not every well off person is on drugs
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>>9286827
Are you me? That's what happened to me also! I have the money to buy lolita clothes, but also in a way that wouldn't touch my portfolio (e.g. selling shares). I hope we'll meet one day.
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>>9286601
That's a pretty expensive gift if they buy the most expensive sets and no sales or discounts. What could it be in total? give or take a little ...
600 dress
600 outwear
200 blouse
100 headdress
200 shoes
50 socks
50 accessories
100 bag
50 pannier

So maybe enough to match a monthly wage. I think the west suffers more from excessive consumerism and the east is more money conscious and relies more on sewing or thrifting with stores like closet child.

I think I can understand why people might be resentful of someone that is unemployed, uncreative, talentless and utterly mediocre dominate a faux position of respect in their hobby. I don't actually know anyone like that who just gets given everything for being a bum or leech to their family, but conceptually I can understand how that would be frustrating. I just don't know of anyone that actually lives a life like that.
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>>9288032
>thrifting

Anon I hate to break it to you but the US has way more secondhand stores and it's more normalized here than Nippon desu
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>>9286766
You sound like a judgemental cunt.
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>>9286881
My comm has a "new acquisitions" thread that I post in whenever I get something exciting. I hope half the comm doesn't secretly think I'm a pretentious show-off... I just want to be active on the comm page but it's kind of dead otherwise.
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>>9286995
Is your mom also my dad? Because he'd do exactly the same thing, except with electronics in general rather than just videogames.
>You want to spend $200 on a single dress? That's crazy anon I'm not comfortable with that.
>oh btw here's a shiny new MacBook to replace the one I bought for you last year, just gimme the old one and I'll put it in the pile
>oh and I bought you these games because they sounded cool idk if you'll even like them but whatever
>Do you want a scooter? I feel like buying a scooter. No? You sure?
>I bought this new iPad but I've already got one and I just remembered you have one too. Do you think your boyfriend would want it?
>You bought that dress second-hand and it's STILL $100? Money doesn't grow on trees anon!
When I moved out I managed to convince him to just deposit money in my account whenever he felt like buying me a new gadget I didn't need, with the excuse that I'll spend it on rent and groceries instead. Most of it ends up in my savings account, but every few months I'll buy a dress or two. He doesn't seem to mind anymore. I don't brag to my comm about this though, I know it's a weird situation.
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>>9288067
I think it's about what people value, people are used to electronics being expensive so they think it's value for money, but can't see the difference between a $10 dress and a $300 dress.
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>>9288032
Lolita is a Japanese (aka 'Eastern') fashion, though.
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ngl I'd suck dick for brand
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>>9288045
Yeah good luck finding big lolita thrift stores in the states.
>>
>>9288032
I agree with everyone you said, but I wouldn't use the term "thrift store" to describe places like Closet Child. Thrift stores usually sell donated clothes or low priced clothing in general (in the US). CC buys clothes from people and even places ads saying what type of items they're looking to buy. It's not technically consignment, but it is closer to a higher quality consignment shop in the US than a thrift store.
>>
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>>9288080
>>
>>9288209
quality oc anon
thank you

got a good kekkle out of me
>>
>>9288053
She already clarified later in the thread that those aren't her own personal opinions, just some of the reasons other people have
>>
I'm wary of admitting to my peers that nearly all of my brand is gifted to me because of the jealousy that usually comes with it. Then again, I don't really see a reason to have to talk about it. Sometimes people jokingly ask me where I get the money to buy what I have, but it's enough to laugh it off and let it pass.

Even I would probably be mildly miffed by somebody who flaunts their acquisitions all of the time, because braggarts in general are annoying. We get it, your boyfriend bought you an OP from that one new release. Again. So did mine, but you're not hearing it from me. I think it's important to have some decency in front of those lolitas who work 9-5 for their brand and not rub my good fortune in their face.
>>
>>9287077
This is a really important point. My mother went through the same exact thing upon re-entering the workforce after my father died. She ended up with debts from his medical bills, quite a bit because of how healthcare in the US was at that time (just before Obamacare).

The moral of this story basically no matter what have a backup plan or some idea what you'd do if you lost your husband if you want to be a SAHM.
>>
>>9288067
It's funny how common that is, the idea that it's somehow wasting money to spend it on clothes but it's worthwhile when you spend it on tech. I know a lot of people who think that way and see lolita as a much more frivolous hobby than, say, building pcs or being really into new Apple products.
>>
>>9287035
>>9287077
I see where you guys are coming from, but for someone who doesn't ever want children, relying on my spouse for support will never be a big issue. Worst comes to worst, I'll have a degree from one of the best universities in the world and can easily make a living wage if I ever end up alone. A living wage for a single female without children isn't even too high. Kids are what complicate things and usually break apart marriages anyway but that's a whole different discussion.

Moral of the story is, if you want to be a stay at home wife, have cats, not kids.
>>
>>9288314
>I'll have a degree from one of the best universities in the world
You have to know that after a certain age your degree stops mattering. It's all about experience and contacts for work that's actually interesting.
>>
>>9288356
Can confirm, know someone in this situation with a degree from an internationally famous uni, best in the country. Nobody gives a fuck where your degrees from other than as trivia when you got said degree 20 years ago and haven't worked since. Even if it's a degree in a really useful, vocational field, or STEM, employers will assume your knowledge and skillset is outdated even if you haven't forgotten everything you learned.
>>
>>9288356
Yeah your degree doesn't mean shit after a couple years working (or not working)
Networking, work experience and contacts are what matters.
>>
>>9288378
>>9288386
lmao yeah I'm not gonna be rich if shit hits the fan but I can easily make a living wage, you guys sound seriously salty.
>>
>>9288388
>trying to warn you before you make regrettable decisions
>salty
Okay.
>>
>>9288388
There's...literally nothing salty, it's multiple anons jumping in to tell you the same message. but lol fuck the haterz amirite? Jesus anon.
>>
>>9288388
More like I know someone who really struggled to get back into the workforce with a good degree at a good university. Overqualified for basic non professional jobs, so turned down for those, but also got turned down for a lot of jobs in their field because they didn't have up to date experience, the intern/grad level jobs were going to the fresh/new grads and they didn't know people in the workforce that well because they'd lost touch. Took a year to get a living wage not just a minimum one.
>>
>>9288388
It'll be tougher than you think Anon. Listen to >>9288378 and >>9288386. We had a entry-level job opening. One of the applicants had graduated with a master's in engineering in 2011 and had not worked since. The applicant never received a callback let alone an email. I felt awful for the applicant, but the applicant should be in a mid-level career by now.
>>
>>9288388
You're going to have enough to retire on, cover a medical emergency, and live a comfortable life in general with food/rent/car/phone/gas/general life expenses? Ok, hope daddy keeps coddling you because you are out of touch already.

Seriously, with the international job climate as bad as it is for people with experience to get even living wages, you think you can compete?
>>
>>9288388
Only if you keep going to school. All the professionals I know that have degrees are never done with school. Even while they have their career. That's the only way that it would stay relevant.
>>
>>9288404
Plus the places with the better paying jobs also tend to be in areas with higher living expenses to account for. I'm in a cheap apartment for my area and my rent's still $1600, which takes a big chunk out of a middle class white collar salary. You end up seeing people looking at the higher side of their career's potential salary band without realizing their living expenses are probably also going to be higher to match once they relocate for the work.
>>
>>9288421
>>9288415
>>9288404
>>9288401
>>9288397
>>9288396
>>9288393
eh, well then I guess if shit hits the fan as far as my relationship is concerned I'm out of luck. still doesn't bother me and doesn't make me want to work.

I think it's really amusing how working women are so fiercely jealous of those of us who don't have to work. Misery loves company
>>
You all should be sure to impart all of this information onto HWC.
>>
>>9288449
>I think it's really amusing how working women are so fiercely jealous of those of us who don't have to work.

I'm a stay-at-home wife and I would love to work. Unfortunately, at my first job out of college, I had a severe case of office politics and got fired as a result of it. It damaged my career permanently. I felt so embarrassed from the incident, I left my Comm and became a lone lolita. My bf at the time (now husband) understood. I'm planning to return to my university's alumni career services and find a new path towards a career at the beginning of the new year. I hope I can find a new job quickly.
>>
>>9288456
You do know you can lie on a resume, right? It's not even hard. Find a company that's out of business that's relevant to your field and put it on there.
>>
>>9288456
You sound like the kind of idiot who is listing the job you got fired from on your resume. You know you're not supposed to do that, right? Unless you don't want to get a job.
>>
>>9286601
>but do a complete 180 and start sucking their asshole the second they find out they bought it themselves.
It's probably admirable for those girls that they have a job/life organised enough to buy them. I'd certainly look up to the people in my comm who work hard to get a good job position or manage their spendings so they can afford their hobby!

As for the others who get them as gifts etc, good on them.
>>
>>9288449
Nah, I tried it for a bit. Drove me up the wall. I felt like my brain was turning to mush. Then again, I guess you don't have to worry about that, being from an elite university and all.
>>
>>9288449
I used to not work. Then I had to leave my douche ex and moved 400 miles away from him with only $500 in my bank account. You never know what's gonna happen. And because I left his abusive ass, I no longer had access to a car. You probably have family to run back home to, but I left their abusive asses too, so I was pretty much on my own after depending on a fucktard.

But hey, maybe you'll live happily ever after. Life isn't really full of nice things, though.
>>
>>9288453
At this rate, I think it's her defending the sanctity of marriage.
>>
>>9288466
Awh, well, we need worker bees like you to run the world. Luckily I'm not vapid and my mind doesn't melt when I'm not working. I have these cool things called thoughts and ideas that keep me pretty entertained - and sometimes even distract me from what I should be doing! It's so neat!

>>9288522
>Life isn't really full of nice things, though.

Holy pessimist. Sorry you got dealt a shitty hand in life.
>>
>>9288527
>I'm not vapid
Ok sweetheart
>distract me from what I should be doing
What, servicing daddy's cock for your next $20 allowance?

Some of us do things like being a nurse, EMT, or teach, and we, gasp, get fulfillment out of it? Stop thinking people are jealous of being an adult child. It's embarrassing.
>>
>>9288527
>I have these cool things called thoughts and ideas that keep me pretty entertained - and sometimes even distract me from what I should be doing! It's so neat!
Bet you don't live in reality.

Let me guess, nothing bad ever happens to you ever, right?
>>
>>9288527
I've spent the past 3 months on what amounts to pretty much old timey bedrest, I don't care how many fucking thoughts and ideas your non vapid brain has, they won't be enough to get you through not being able to walk more than 100 metres without feeling weak. I would give anything to be able to work again
>>
>>9288449
I'm a stay at home fiance and would love to have a legit career and make my own money, even if I don't have to. I'm not afraid of my fi leaving or whatever, having a job would just be nice because extra money is never a bad thing. Working women bring up the downfalls of being SAH not because they're jealous (not that there aren't any who are) but because it's reality.
>>
>>9286601
What about girls who have friends that buy lolita? I have a rich friend who inherited money from his dad but has enough to never work a day in his life and live comfortably. He buys me stuff most of my wardrobe just cause, but I genuinely am just friends with him.
>>
>>9288209
that is glorious haha
>>
>>9288588
Please don't lose hope, anon. I just got out of a 10 month period of being bedbound because of a bad health condition and start my new job in a week. When you're feeling up to it, try to find an easy office type job while you finish recovering, even if it's at a shitty call center.

It feels so good to finally be going to make money again.
>>
>>9288449

Nope, I like working. I don't like working too much mind you, but I also hated it when I stayed home for vacation and did nothing all day.

My long term plan would be to do part time stuff if I could afford it (e.g. if this relationship works out and my bf later on makes even more money). I would never want to give up the knowledge I worked so hard for. Maybe have an office where I could actually spend time with my clients and still make some money instead of working for a big corp who just cares about how much money I churn for them. But I would never want to stop working.

Counting my eggs before they hatch I know. But it's more a fantasy than anything but point is I would go nuts without a bit of work.
>>
>>9288623
I'm so happy for you Anon!
>>
>>9288623
They do these from home too now anons. My mom did an Office Depot call center job for a while. She bought a special phone and headset and didn't even have to change out of her pajamas.
>>
>>9288588
I don't know what your situation is but hope that things improve for you soon!

>>9288449
I think people just want you to know not to expect that you'll be able jump straight into the workforce at a good payscale from being a SAH if the shit hits the fan, even with a good education.
Doesn't mean you need to *want* to work now or even ever, or that all of us are somehow jealous.
I'm in the camp who would choose to work even if I could have everything paid for; the difference would be that I could choose not to be paid for what I do and therefore have more say in what I actually do and who I work with/for.
>>
>>9288632
>>9288634
Thank you! I'm so excited to be getting out of the house again and earning money. I'll have to keep the call center from home thing in mind if it turns out I can't sit up all day, it sounds really weak and shitty but sitting up is the equivalent of a workout for me. Thankfully I finally got a diagnosis and the treatment is helping enough that I should be able to handle it.

Going to buy so much brand!
>>
No fellow sugar mommas ITT? For shame...

>grew up with money but had parents similar to >>9286969
>always had a job in but had my paycheck taken away from me every month
>'why would you need money? we'll just buy you whatever you want anyway!!!'
>translates to: we'll buy you whatever we think you should have and give you shit about anything else
>go to college and have to squirrel away small amounts of cash to buy literally anything parents won't approve of (vidya, starbucks, clothes they didn't pick out for me) because they watch my credit card statements, etc
>finally get my first apartment and start cutting checks on my own from my college job to pay rent
>'anon! we can pay for that!!!' NOPE
>feelsgood.jpeg
>work my ass off and get the best paying job of anyone I know out of college
>got promoted twice in two years
>deck myself out in brand and start sending friends gifts cause can
>start supporting my fiancé completely & save his full salary to buy a house (in cash ofc)
>get to pull out the card wherever we go, like the independent bitch I am
>life is so good man

I don't want to be that asshole who's like "ugh!!! my parents paid for everything!!!!" but seriously, they fucked me up real good in more ways than one. I just hope I don't do that to someone else because I like flashing cash...
>>
>>9286766
wtf. Take your head out of your ass, k?


men like lolita. if not, is just another girl thing. Gifts can be like "choose the one you like".
>>
>>9286881
love those posts because I can afford it too
>>
>>9288032

fixed it for you

200 dress
100 outwear
70 blouse
40 headdress
70 shoes
30 socks
30 accessories
70 bag
30 pannier


Hello Closetchild and smart shopping
>>
>>9288751
This. When everyone has a degree it doesn't matter much. Employers will be looking at experience before university papers.
>>
>>9288176
I wouldn't know how to define it properly. In Tokyo there are many stores that sell used high quality clothes and vintage clothes. "High quality second hand lolita fashion specific consignment store" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
>>9288855
Exactly but nobody should feel jealous of a girl that gets presents from a used clothes store. With sales CC can go a lot lower than those prices too.
>>
>>9288858
For some jobs you need the university papers to even get your application put in the pile that gets looked at.
>>
>>9288874
Yeah but once you're in the pile who would hire someone with a dated degree and no experience vs. someone with the same degree and working history?

There's obviously gonna be variations of this because getting a good job is equal parts luck too. But having only a degree isn't really enough anymore.
>>
>>9288874
Noone says having no degree is good. It's just not enough.
>>
>>9286881
most of the time in my comm it's some girl posting the milanoo ita mess she just bought and people liking the post and telling her it's cute. I want to give advice but I don't want to seem like a bitch.
>>
>>9286766
>>if her partner prefers her as a housewife, it implies either a strong belief in traditional gender roles, or even BDSM

What the fuck. Someone preferring to have a wife that stays at home does NOT mean they prefer BDSM activities. This is the most deluded bullshit I've read in weeks
>>
>>9288878
>>9288880
Goes both ways, you need both. In the long run a second degree is better too, so is working on your portfolio. If you spend all day sitting around on 4chan as a house wife you probably didn't finish a first degree in anything good.
>>
>>9288890
My boyfriend would prefer me working part-time, just because he hates doing the laundry and cleaning more than I do.
>>
>>9288890
I said it was an option, not that it was the most likely scenario. There are people that like to sub 24/7, and people who can support that lifestyle. This is a fact.
>>
>>9288901
What if you're single and you have to work full time but also do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and repairs yourself?
>>
>>9288934
I mean, you aren't in a relationship where the responsibilities can be devided so you either deal with it and live in filth. I don't see how this is hard for you to figure out.
>>
>>9288934
Having experienced both, there's less cooking, cleaning and laundry to deal with when you're only dealing with your own stuff. It's a nice situation to be in if you don't have to flat-share to afford the rent.
>>
>>9288934
Then both of us would deal with it and do it?? What kind of questions is this.
>>
>>9288878
>no experience

Are you all moralfags or something? Why does nobody seem to understand how unbelievably easy it is to bullshit a resume and make it look like you have experience? The only things you can't bullshit are degrees and certifications. And hell, even then, not all places care to look and may just take your word for it. I guess because so many weirdos like you guys have some sort of honesty boner or are scared of lying.
>>
>>9288922
>it implies either a strong belief in traditional gender roles, or even BDSM


Anon do you not know how to read or write things as to properly get your point across?
>>
>>9289198
I think it depends on the field you are in... I work in the museum business and everyone knows everyone. if I lied and said I worked in some random museum, I guarantee someone would have a friend there and ask about me... and I know there are a lot of fields like that. maybe something like sales or accounting might be alright, but a lot of industries are smaller than you'd think.
>>
>>9288872
>It has to be expensive or it doesn't mean anything!

This sort of consumerism attitude has got to die.
>>
>>9289198
I work in a field where it is literally about who you know and everyone knows if you bs about what you've done, probably like >>9289248
Most resumes are barely looked at beyond grad jobs and even as a grad, if you've interned or you know someone at the company you're far more likely to get the job (unless you really royally annoyed your colleagues)

>>9288841
I definitely don't mind shouting my friends nice things, particularly tickets to stuff - if I want to go to something expensive and have no-one to share it with then it's a bit shit. I don't think I'd ever want to support another person completely because I wouldn't want that for myself - for me it's about maintaining some independence and being able to do the things I like.
I think your situation where your partner is earning would work for me as you're both contributing in different ways. His money is buying the house, your money is supporting you both. I wouldn't mind doing that but having someone completely financially dependent on me and not working or doing anything at all seems really weird - they would at least need to be a stay at home dad and managing all the household stuff, finances and my schedule competently
>>
>>9289198

Where I work you can bet someone will actually call the companies you list on your resume, even if all they do is ask "is there a Mrs X there". Unless you're applying for an entry-level data clerk job, we don't bother with those, but then we're back to being over-qualified for those.
>>
>>9286969
There's a difference between being reliant on someone and receiving gifts from them. I don't ever want to have to rely on my partner or family financially, but getting gifts is a really nice thing, especially when you don't expect them.
If the presents grow into something that is an important part of your relationship with that person and that you kind of expect, I can see how that might be dangerous, but as long as you treat all gifts as "nice to have but not necessary to feel good" you should be alright.
>>
>>9290466
>>>/r9k/
>>
>>9290466
what people did before women entered the work force and live with their parents until they get married. Like why are you even asking?
>>
>>9286806
>9286806
Not plenty of people can afford that. Less than 50% of familes in the US. Sorry satistics disagree with how you want to generalize but the majority of homes have to have at least 2 sources of income. And talking about your parents generation is invalid because shit has changed since then plus inflation.
>someone sounds a bit spoiled
But this is the diffrence from one dress here or there being present from your SO vs. all of your dresses being bought by him cause you a gold digging hoe.
>>
>>9289930
This

I'm not relying financially on someone if I just had two dresses less without them. It's not like they're paying my rent every month or something smfh
>>
>>9290466
Flatshare with somebody they're not in a romantic relationship with.
>>
>>9291045
This is not a thing outside city's
>>
I pay for my own brand but it really wouldn't be feasible without my parents. I don't pay rent because I live with them and they also pay for my student housing. So I am not sure if I buy my own brand, or if they just indirectly finance it.
>>
>>9291049
People who move away from their parents' house to find work tend to move to cities. People who stay in the country tend to be living with family. There is no reason for the average 20-year-old to move out from their parents' house to a town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with no job prospects. Not saying it never happens, but I grew up in the country and out of maybe 100 people in my high-school class, I'd say 97 or more are either living with their parents or living in flatshares. Even the ones who are living with an SO usually live with one or two other people as well to bring down the bills.
>>
I work hard to build up my wardrobe. I never have the money to spend until the very end of the month after I get my rent and bills paid off. And even then I don't have much to attack the second hand market as much as I would love to. I constantly am surfing for my dream dresses and I've lost out on the deal before.
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