Old thread: >>9227832
Comm spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1evXegSoFbfEXn8o0joeA-KFvolNKPKllgvaYqNgvOiw/htmlview#gid=1
Winter ILD is coming. Any special plans?
How can we add info for this sheet?
Is it weird to wear Christmas-y prints on ILD? My comm isn't doing anything else in December it seems...
My comms having a swap meet this weekend and with ILD around the corner I'm not sure they're going to do anything for it.
Wouldn't mind an ice skating thing or hot cocoa and cookies sorta tea party.
>>9263985
No, not at all! If anything, ILD Winter is probably the best time to wear such dresses, so go for it. A lot of lolitas certainly won't be able to wear those dresses to their family get-togethers on Christmas itself.
My comm is in a weird state where there's too many members on the facebook group (300+ now on the facebook page) but 50 of those people actually show up to meets. The mods have not attended or organized a local meet in over a year. Drama with one mod went down a few years ago, she didn't step down afterwards, and the other mods ignored the issue. After that incident, people outside the mod circle began to make their own ILD events, and decent ones too. I've counted at least three separate ticketed events for ILD Winter this year advertised in the comm. I'm thinking of just organizing a private meet of four.
>>9264061
At first I almost thought you were from my comm. Also 300+ members. The mods haven't done shit in years. There are pretty much no public meets. Once in a while a mod will feel bad and try to organize something. Like once every two years, and then nothing. We frequently get posts asking "are there ever any meets going on?". The mods have a shit ton of private meets, never inviting anyone but their "friends".
>inb4 "Well you can make your own meets to hang out with your friends. There are too many people to organize meets for."
Ok yeah very valid point, and that's exactly what it has become. Cliques of people creating private meets, but if that's the mods' attitude then why not step down already and let someone that actually gives a shit about fostering a community and meeting new people take the role? And yes it IS possible to organize meets in a huge city. Just make it paid upfront and cap at 50, 40, 20, whatever. No one says that the whole comm has to attend at once. Not saying they should be responsible for making all meets ever, but don't just be a sitting duck just because you like to say you are mod of a huge comm, and get popularity points.
/rant.
My comm already has the event date set. Looking forward to it.Probably going to wear my Enchanted Fawn and be reindeer themed, because lack of anything else really Christmassy in my wardrobe.
>>9264155
As someone in this situation, the issue is that big meets tend to cost money and need a deposit. It can be hard, and stressful to have to put down money and collect it from possibly strangers who sometimes flake. Im not saying it can't be done, but it isn't a fun experience. Most people don't want to deal with this.
The other issue and that is kinda harsh to say but there are 300+ ppl but I don't want to actually hang out with most of them. We all want to make meets that makes us happy and while I don't want to be cliqueish, I know that is why private meets occur.
>>9264160
I completely see your point there, and as you said most people don't want to deal with this. But there are people who do. My point is that the mods who don't want to deal with it should either step down and make room for people who care. Another great solution is for huge comms to have more mods, or "community organizers".
But instead of that we just have people saying "its too hard, we will just keep the status quo of private meets". By all means have that too and chill with your friends, but let some people make the community better instead of spewing out excuses and going your way.
My issue is strictly with the mods and the group organization here, not banning private meets.
>>9263951
Email me with the info & I'll add it
[email protected]
Our comm has a Christmas meet set but not an ILD one. I'd like to make one but most of my comm is so freaking cheap it's ridiculous and I don't want to deal with people complaining about prices to a locale.
>>9264249
Nope. But I notice people in major areas tend to share similar gripes. People in smaller comms tend to complain about powerhungry or controlling mods.
>>9264286
I feel you, anon. My comm only agrees to go to things like ice cream shops, fast food or free events on people's house.
I'm desperate, I want some glamour in my lolita life.
>>9264286
My comms the same way..... they seem to think the only meetup idea is "let's hang out at the mall!" There's already a meetup planned for December so I can't make my own either.
>>9264469
I know your pain. I hope I can convince some of my comm to come see The Nutcracker ballet. The Dracula ballet meet was wondefdul, but a very small turnout. I know this time of year money might be tight for most folk, but I put out an interest check for it today.
>>9264249
I am, ive been it for like 3 months now and maybe its because im new but I havent seen more than like 3 things happen that didnt either cancel or just sound poor.
Do we even have an ILD planned? I really thought a comm in florida would have more things happening than my old comm did but now I miss them more than ever.
Well I did want to go... guess I can't.
>>9264868
if you wanted to go, you should've bought your tickets earlier. It's not like they sold out in a few minutes, there was like two weeks.
Newish girl in my comm wants to have a Lolita sleepover type thing at her house and gets pissy when people aren't really into the idea. I've met her twice, I don't really want to sleep over at her house...
my comm used to have meets pretty regularly, but now it's far and few. I think the main mod is too busy with work. other people try to make meets but I feel like they fall through. That's fine, but why not step aside and let someone else be a mod?
Newish to lolita, what's up with the london comm? Tea party club is also the main comm for the UK? Does anyone find this a bit strange, what will happen if someone makes a meet, do random people just turn up? It's such a large group, can anyone just turn up to events that are advertised?
>>9265276
I think most lolitas in London tend to meet up more regularly in their own private friend groups, but yes there are London meets that are made in the Tea Party Club group page and usually those are open to all in the group, unless reservations have to be made in advance. I do find that lately it has been difficult to keep the creeps out...
>>9265398
thats kind of a shame, I expected it to be more like the other comms I see on here. Would london benefit from a specific comm instead of being the countrywide one? Not that I intend to make one, just wondering
>>9265425
There is actually one, it's called 'London Lolita' on facebook but it's quite inactive. People living in London come and go, and London is very accessible for people from other areas, so I can see why meets are posted in the TPC group,
Tea party, again.
As always.
Forever a tea party.
no one had said anything about ILD so I decided to step up and make an open-ended event. but it's starting to look like out of all the possibilities everyone suggested the most interest is for a local festival that's happening during the hours I have to work that day. i dont want to be like "well I made the event so I decide" and make people do something relatively boring just to fit with my shitty work schedule. Im sure that if i had to step down they could get it organized themselves but I also just wanna do something for ILD! So I emailed my supervisor to ask to change my shift for that day but i havent heard back yet. So the event page is really up in the air right now and Im so stressed and feel bad for even stepping up. But dammit ill make it work somehow.
I usually come out of hiding for ILD with the comm, but this year I dislike most of the attendees. I'd rather not be the odd gull out, so I'm going to dress up at home and get my salt on.
>>9265684
Holy shit just realized I made this a thread the first time I tried to post it and thought my internet had crapped out......so embarassed lol.
>comm had three (3) months to register for gift swap/secret santa meetup
>only a handful of people join
>few days left now
>suddenly bunch of people check going but don't actually fill out the form or anything
>made it very very clear on event page, multiple times that unless you fill out the form and send it in, you're not a part of the gift swap
>for the last few weeks been making posts that the deadline is in X weeks
>it should be clear what to do, right?
>yet I still fully expect a bunch of them to send in the form several days after the deadline and then cry about unfair moderation
I don't like how cynical I've become but god damn, herding cats. Herding retarded cats.
>>9266157
Have those deets ready when they cry so you can prove it was 100% their fault for not reading.
>>9266157
Different comm (because we scrapped our SS) but I feel you. People do not fucking read. It's why we ended up scrapping ours two weeks ago. Props to you for pushing through with it and getting it going still.
>>9266304
Definitely!
>>9266311
The people who registered early are mostly cool responsible adults who dress well and are fun to hang around with, so I'm going to push it through for their sake. The girls responding late are mostly itas and weebs so if they're too retarded to read and register properly nothing of value was lost.
>>9265245
Is she twelve?
>>9266936
Not that anon, but an annoying girl in my comm brings up the same thing quite often. Do these people not realize how weird it is?
>>9264249
I really don't know what to think about the cfl mods or why they have such a grip on events and posts. Like if they hate organizing public meets so much why try to lead?
>>9267266
That awkward moment when you realize there are socially clueless people in the comm who think we'e automatically all best buds just because we have the same frilly hobby
I mean, I've had a few sleepovers with other lolitas, but they were private meetups with close friends. It would be extremely weird to invite everybody in a comm to a sleepover.
AZ comm. is there something in missing to get accepted in or is the comm that dead that people have up checking it? I just moved here from another state and knew this comm existed but it seems that my request has gone ignored.
>>9268701
can't tell you for sure but some comms wont let you in if you don't have like a facebook page that has anything "lolita" on it, to avoid spammers.
>>9268747
my profile picture is me in lolita at ruffle con so that's not it.
>>9268701
I just moved here as well and it took me a while to get accepted as well. Try messaging the mods and make sure your profile photo is lolita or at least jfashion.
>>9268701
Nope, our mods just suck. You'll be accepted eventually
>>9268536
I'm having a small sleepover, but it's with girls I'm extremely close to. We've roomed together at cons before and such. Not just rando new people.
New girl in our comm got a spot at our ILD tea party. That's cool obvy, it's limited spots and first come first serve. But she just posted a horrendous picture of her in a shitty CDC replica that she'll be wearing and I just...
Really wish the spot could have gone to someone who wasn't a faggot.
>>9269140
That's how I feel about certain girls in my comm. There are some girls who have been in the comm for more than a year yet still dress like absolute garbage. I'm talking replicas, "loliable" thrifted shit and the occasional brand that is irreparably damaged after they force themselves into it. At meet ups nobody wants to sit near them because they have zero social skills, no concept of boundaries and no indoor voice. Sitting with them feels like babysitting mentally slow children.
But because they have no jobs or other responsibilities and spend all their time on FB they're always the first to RSVP and buy tickets for every single meetup. The tickets for this year's event sold out in half an hour. I missed out because I was cooking dinner. My friend missed out because she was working late. Several other girls missed out because they were on their way back from school. But these itas? They don't do shit all day but sit on the internet making collages of their favorite Milanoo replicas so they've scored themselves some VIP tickets.
I know that my friends and I don't deserve meetup tickets for being better dressed or being responsible adults, and that this sort of thing is first come first serve, but it still annoys me. Not least because they're totally going to ruin the group picture.
>>9269171
You sound a tad salty anon. Yeah it sucks that you may be better dressed and the itas are taking all th tickets. But what's stopping you from making your own meetup for those who missed out? Have a picture that looks good in comparison with their fucked up one.
>>9269491
No affiliation with the comm being discussed, but if I planned a whole event and it was mostly itas that went, I'd be discouraged from organizing another big event.
>>9269499
Then you're not being proactive in the problem. Just complaining becuase you didn't get what you want and someone you deem lesser got it because they where first. Same goes with print releases. You either accept that you miss out and the community ita got lucky before you or you sperg out and make yourself look even more of a fool then the ita with a highly sought after dress.
I'm reeling with anxiety about ILD because I live in a city away from the main comm and I'm not friends with any of the community regulars beyond facebook. ILD is the first meet I've been to in almost a year.
>>9269510
You will be fine. The salt you see on the internet is almost never at meets. You will get a feel for who is approachable and who is absolutely insufferable within the first ten mins.
>>9269507
Try re-reading my comment and trying again.
I'll be going to LA's big ILD meetup and I'm pretty excited, it looks like they really went all out for it. Now I just need to decide if I should send a candygram to my crush or chicken out...
>>9269531
Your just mad that I didn't agree with you. It's okay. You're just human. It's natural to be mad when people don't see things your way.
>>9269554
Do it before someone else does.
Is there a new Nebraska comm page? Asking for a friend who is considering on moving to Omaha for school.
I went through the spread sheet, and the link took me to the comm page that haven't been updated since 2014. Someone made a comm for Omaha since it's the only big city, but that link took me to a page where it's either expired or unavailable for viewing. I know that the city can't be a total void of lolitas since Nebraskon exists. What is the comm like, if there even is one anymore?
>>9269499
erm, so you can't host private meets with your (better) dressed friends?
>>9264662
There is a meetup planned, but it looks like it's full. I'm seriously considering leaving the group since they want to keep it under 500. I feel like I'm not even part of the comm because I never have a chance to go to meetups.
How far do you all normally travel for meets?
My comm encompasses quite a large area and most of the meets are at least a hour away from me (typically around 2-4 hours away). I actually live fairly close to a large-ish size city but not a lot of the meets end up in my neck of the woods. Is this a common occurrence for comms?
>>9269708
I travel usually about 2-3 hours. It's really not that bad if you carpool with someone. But I also live in Amish country and it's about an hour to the nearest grocery store.
>>9269554
They always go all out for ILD, so you'll have a good time!
You can send your gram anon I think, so just do it.
>tfw your comm mod is posting 'loliables' from mainstream stores
>plain 30 dollar secretary blouses with the wrong neckline for lolita
>"you can sew ruffles onto them if you know how!"
>nobody asked for this
>>9269140
Ah, my comm. I'm hoping that maybe the exposure to other coords at the tea party will help teach her and improve her coords since she's new and all.
>>9269708
I drive about 2 hours to go to a neighboring comm's bigger meetups but my local comm meets take less than 30 min to get there. I live in the suburbs near the city though.
>>9264662
>>9269697
CFLS wasn't always like this. 2-3 years ago there used to be meets every month or so. I think the issue is mostly that people are really flaky, and I don't know if it's just this comm, or if this is typical?
It was common for members to organize meets, have 8-10+ people say they were going, and then only 4 would show up (often even less). So most of the event planning and whatever the host provided would go to waste. No one even said they wouldn't be able to go beforehand, either, they just didn't show.
There's other factors, but I think that's part of it. What do other comms do about these problems? How can non-mods organize meets and ensure people show up? Should we just be asking for deposits for food and such beforehand? I miss how active we used to be, too.
I want to host an oldschool meet for my comm but we're not a large comm so I feel like it's pointless. It's bound to end up with either barely anyone turning up, nobody following the theme, or people attempting to follow the theme really badly. I feel like a bitter old elitist for even being salty about the idea that people would try hard to follow a theme and not pull it off, but I just want to get nice photos and I can't see that happening if itas ruin it. I know there are three girls in the comm that do dress in oldschool - do you think it would be rude to hold an event, take group photos of everyone, then request separate group photos just of the people in oldschool? I think you could get away with it if you were just excluding people who don't own any oldschool so came in AP/IW prints as usual from the photo, but I can't see a tactful way to get one without people who have tried and failed miserably.
>>9264662
>>9268512
>>9269697
>>9270579
1/2
Friendly neighborhood mod team here! The decline in meetups can be contributed to a few things. Over the history of the CFLS, one of our mods has traditionally hosted a bit over 50% of the meetups, starting in around 2012. In some cases she hosted two meetups a month in different cities, as well as planning convention tracks and fashion shows.That is a disproportionate number of events for a community approaching 500 people, and it is unsustainable. This year she has decided to take some time off and has only hosted a few things, so it feels like the number of meetups have declined significantly.
What is interesting here is that even though we have smaller meetups now, the actual number of meetups posted hasnt decreased by a whole lot, maybe 10% or so. What has changed is facebook no longer allows regular members to invite the whole community, only the people you happen to be friends with. So unless a moderator makes the event page, the whole community wont be invited. This is why it feels like the mods have their fingers in everything - without one of us posting you can't invite the whole comm. That said, we don't delete meetups that people make on their own, which means you have to check the event page to see if there are meets, instead of relying on the invite system. We don't like this change, but at the moment this is the only workaround.
>>9264662
>>9268512
>>9269697
>>9270579
2/2
Now, that leads us into the next thing - neither of the mods for the CFLS hate hosting events or the participating in the community. The job of a moderator isn't to host events, it is to make sure the comm stays stable. We put a lot of effor into this, and we have a few rules about what types of posts are allowed, because every summer we get new people asking basic questions that could be solved with the search function. One year we had 6 questions about petticoats over the course of three months - that is completely unnecessary for such a slow moving forum. We have rules about admissions because one year we had to deal with a severe case of harrassment that turned into stalking. We have rules about carpooling because once, a girl was left at a convention in another state.
Pretty much any of the rules we have in place are there because there have been issues in the past - and for the most part they have been useful guidelines for our community.
We want more people to become active and to host meetups! If you want advice feel free to message us. The easiest thing to do is pick a cafe that doesnt need reservations and post a time and date. Don't worry about making sure the location & date is perfect for everyone - that is impossible. Then, remind everyone on the guestlist marked going about the event, and show up. Chances are you won't have a ton of people coming to your first few meetups. That mod we mentioned earlier? During her first few years of hosting she had anywhere from 1-6 other people joining her. Over time more people started consistently attending, and the same thing can be said for anyone else who wants to give it a shot. Patience is key.
We've been following this thread for the last few days, and we've posted on the comm page a few questions and polls. Please check them out and participate, and if you have any other questions or suggestions don't hesitate to ask.
>>9270633
Aw. Iktf. There's only a handful of us at my local comm who've actively worn and attend meets while an overwhelming majority are lurkers or started building within the last year, so we can't really do elaborate coord based meets like twinning or OTT classic. Most people seem to wear sweet anyway.
>>9270579
>Should we just be asking for deposits for food and such beforehand?
Yes
Honestly thats the best way to ensure people show up and it covers the host in case someone does not show.
>>9270633
I could see requesting seperate photos working out if you do it for every group, ie- point out all the girls in old school and have photos of that group, point out the girls in IW and have photos of them, point out the girls in gothic and have photos of that group, etc etc. Some of the girls are going to end up in more than one group, eg IW group and old school group. Still, you'll get your old school group photos, though you'll probably still have to fake some enthusiasm and still put up the photos of the other groups that you don't particularly care about.
If you're close enough to the other three girls, you could always do a simple lunch or coffee thing just between friends. Doesn't sound like you're close enough to them for it, though?
>>9270782
Not in central FL but I'm a non-mod member of another comm who just made a meetup event page and was able to invite the whole group...? People who ive never met RSVPd so I know that I'm not wrong. Not trying to start anyrhing just wondering why I was able to do that.
>>9270950
How many people are in your comm? I think anything over 200 is when that feature kicks in.
>>9270954
Ahhh that makes sense. It's definitely less than 200, probably less than 100 even. Facebook is so weird.
My comm seems to be getting a lot faker lately. It seems actual discussion about lolita is replaced by vaguely sad instagram posts where you have to compliment the poster for being so brave for trying out something new or for sharing their sob story.
I'm moving to Boston in January and want to join their comm. Is there any cunts I should beware of?
>>9271740
>Is there any cunts I should beware of?
oi m8 it's *are
Anyways, being serious now, our comm is pretty nice. It's not huge like any of the Texas or Cali comms, but we have a steady number of regular attendees. Occasional ita and newb, and people don't dress drop dead extravagantly on the regular but I think that most of us dress pretty nicely. We have a pretty good thing going, no e-fame hungry dramawhores or major creeps. There's probably one person that I'm not too sure about but they just joined the comm, no idea if they're going to just be a passive FB group lurker or actually join in on stuff eventually but my point is we don't usually have problems with crazies or itas or dramamongers. (And we'd like to keep it that way.)
While on the topic of FB lurkers - if something or someone in the group looks odd try not to take the page at face value - there's 400 something people in the group plus people who randomly post shit, compared to a rotation of like 50 people who are actually actively involved with meets. I judged the comm a lot before I became active based on some of the people who post on the group page but once I started attending meets I found out there's a ton of nice girls.
>>9270782
>>9270784
Are you guys serious about this post or just saying it to calm down the itas?
>>9272476
Mod Team Reply:
We take bullying and harrassment pretty seriously in the community, although as most people know there isn't much we can do preventatively. Do we know who posts comm members to cgl or btb? sometimes, but usually no. But we do our best to clean up the mess and help our members feel wanted when they've been hurt.
Everyone has to start somewhere, and even if a person's outfit isn't perfect the first time, most people learn about quality, silhouette and aesthetic better by being able to see well dressed members and emulate their looks. When you shame or harrass people on BTB instead of kindly offering advice, it scares them away from participating in the community. Many lolitas are already shy and nervous about attending meetups, and this type of behaviour discourages attendance. You can't post people to BTB and then turn around complain that event turnout is low. So yes, we are serious, and yes we do our best to make sure people feel welcomed in the community.
>>9272504
top kek
Looks like the comms are pretty dead for ILD this round, where's all the events?
>>9272952
Your comm maybe. My comm has like three meets going on. One was a ticketed event that sold out pretty quickly so the members that didn't get a pass made two other meets planned. One potluck and one museum trip to give everyone something they can go to. This really helps those who can't afford a 40 dollar ticket and be inclusive of them. We just are not public about it here.
There's some salty bitch in my local comm that does nothing but try to stir shit as hard as she possibly can. A few of the mods have an idea of who it might be, and so a few regulars, but nobody's been able to catch her in the act yet so we just have to keep waiting and watching like a hawk for her to fuck up and prove it.
She tried to name and shame me on here once for "not even trying to hide who I am", when it's no secret that I used to trip on half a dozen boards. Kids. Honestly.
On a somewhat unrelated note, has anyone ever been "that girl" in their comm that shows up very rarely to meets because of scheduling conflicts and girls that are brand new to the group try to sweet talk you? "Oh, are you new? You're dressed really well for a newbie. How long have you been wearing lolita? Did you just move here? Do you know anybody yet?" Kid I have bloomers older than you.
>>9273008
What comm?
>>9263933
So, my local group has experienced some troubles with people fethishizing lolita joining the group and attending meets etc. They have been booted from the group, and we are going to write up a set of rules now.
Anybody have any suggestions for the rules? We are a small comm, with rarely more than 10 people attending meets, so we have everything from newbs in maid lolita to veterans.
>>9273524
My comm at the least just put it (in more eloquent terms of course) that we are uncomfortable with men for x reason (like since we do events at people's houses) and while they are allowed under certain circumstances we will put careful consideration into allowing them to join. Also very explicitly stating that lolita is not a sexual thing and people who are looking for the *other* kind of lolita are not permitted. Either way someone's going to bitch and moan about it but better to have people get offended than to endanger your girls.
>>9273524
I don't have any ideas for rules other than specifying that the group is for fashion only (if your group's page doesn't already) and limiting and moderating new members, but
>my local group has experienced some troubles with people fethishizing lolita joining the group and attending meets
>attending meets
What the hell? I've heard of creeps joining online comms but actually attending meetups? Disgusting.
>>9273553
Yupppp. One of them actually wanted to borrow a dress because he didn't own one himself
>>9272966
Wait comms charge for meets???
>>9273600
If the event costs money, you have to pay for it.
>>9273600
My comm has ticketed events where the ticket price includes a catered meal, a cash bar, goodie bags, games with prizes, and raffles with prizes. The cost is usually over $50 but then you're getting all the above, which is a great event.
>>9272476
>>9272504
Honestly, even if the mods are just saying this to calm the itas and people who have been hurt, who cares? There is nothing that anyone could really do to stop it, but I would be glad to be part of a comm where the mods actually give a shit about the members. Yeah we are all salty cunts but it's nice to have a break from that shit.
>>9273670
Going to my first ticketed event and I'm excited. I feel like it's better for both organizers and attendees. The organizers don't have to worry about half the people dropping out, and the attendees get to have more fun that just awkward tea.
this guy in my comm just posted a nude on facebook for the one finger selfie challenge and everyone in the comm that's friends with him can see it...
>>9273524
just put in the rules that to join you have to be interviewd first by a mod, that way on case by case basis you can see what their real intentions are
>>9264034
>swap meet
NYC? There are plenty of meets happening, but you won't get invited unless youre friends with the hosts
>>9273767
The dude's a proud slut. Just unfriend him if you don't like seeing it.
> mfw the comm in my home state is only inactive during ILD now
As much as I like planning meetups there, it's a pain in the ass when no one else wants to do it. :')
>>9273981
* is almost completely inactive now, save for ILD
Dammit
I joined a new Comm recently in SF and I can see all the Admins except one. I haven't blocked anyone so the other person (Admin) has blocked me for personal reasons. Is this ok?
>>9273008
I get the last thing a lot. I've been wearing lolita for almost a decade but have never been active online and can't make it to many meetups, so nearly every meetup there'll be someone treating me like a newbie. I don't care that they don't know who I am but it does annoy me when they get condescending. Like hey, I'm wearing all 2005-2008 era brand and you're in 2016 Taobao and 'loliables', maybe take a step back and consider I've been doing this longer than your three months.
>tfw a newbie who's not even wearing a petticoat 'kindly' directs you to GLW because clearly if you're not wearing a big obnoxious wig you're doing something wrong
>>9274130
That's when you smile and go "yeah those where really popular in 2009. I had two back then"
>>9274140
Haha yeah I would if I wasn't always a grumpy oldfag who disliked big obnoxious wigs. Newfangled nonsense gtfo my lawn
Generally I do just smile and nod, though. It's no use getting into arguments with these people, especially because to many of them, pre-OTT sweet lolita might as well not exist.
>>9273008
>has anyone ever been "that girl" in their comm that shows up very rarely to meets because of scheduling conflicts and girls that are brand new to the group try to sweet talk you? "Oh, are you new? You're dressed really well for a newbie. How long have you been wearing lolita? Did you just move here? Do you know anybody yet?" Kid I have bloomers older than you.
Oh man, all the time. I've moved around a lot as well but sometimes go back home to visit family and attend meets in my home state, and it always ends up with patronising newbies. One time someone complained that the mods were showing favouritism towards me because I was wearing brand, not knowing that they were talking to me a lot because we'd been friends for five years.
>>9274143
They are too new to know you didn't wear those God aweful things. I personally only bought one because I liked the color and just sold the clips on livejournal. I actually still have the wig
How is the NJ comm? NJ is my home state and I'm coming back this winter but I never attended any meets (too shy)
>>9274498
Honestly the NJ comm kinda sucks. Lots of itas and tumblr types. Also it's very inactive. I'd reccomend going to the Philly or NYC comms depending on the part of the state you're in.
>>9273600
....why wouldn't they? If you're going to a meet that's at a restaurant why the heck would anyone else but yourself pay for your meal? This ain't the kindergarten field trip to the zoo. (Actually, even field trips cost money depending on where you went.)
My comm is full of vultures thirsty for drama that doesn't exist. They'll take anything out of context and try to twist it into a juicy story. It's so frustrating.
>make a weird face in a photo because socially awkward
"She's such a smug bitch. Just look at her thinking she's better than us."
>have to cancel attending a meetup last minute because of a family emergency and made sure to notify the host while apologizing
"That bitch didn't even talk to the host, what a cunt. She must be cheating on her girlfriend that is attending the meet."
I just don't even know where they come up with half the stuff they think of. Anyone and everyone is a target. I just wish they would stop already.
>>9274517
call them out or it wont ever end, and bring receipts so they cant suddenly victimize themselves
>>9274517
Same tho. I got a "talking to" by the mods of my comm because the main drama-mongering flap-dragon in my comm overheard me mentioning some goddamn ancient little spat I had with someone- that she then spun into "Anon hates OtherAnon's guts and doesn't want her to come to meets so she doesn't have to be around her" and went straight to the mods with.
>>9274509
It's the best comm if you're able to befriend all the best dressed girls. Then it's all fancy hotel tea parties and hanging out on a tour bus with misako
>>9274912
Those are the bitchiest ones tho.
The restaurant we were going to go to for ILD was already fully booked tomorrow so I had to book our second-choice restaurant. If people get annoyed I'm going to be frustrated because I couldn't even book until tonight because getting them to RSVP to anything is like herding cats.
>>9274941
Calgary?
>>9274969
Yeah. It's always the same people who RSVP immediately/soon after and those that wait until hours before to let you know whether they're coming or not. It really sucks.
>>9274046
Did you do something wrong?
>>9275005
Completely different comm, but mine has the same problem too. I think it's more common among comms with a bigger proportion of younger lolitas because they don't always pay attention to RSVP etiquette, and have jobs that involve working weekends, whereas older lolitas usually get weekends off and can afford to go to events that require an RSVP.
One of the more well known members in my community just got kicked out because according to her, there were people who complained that they didn't want to attend meet ups if she came to them, and they said she was a liar and a gossip. I'm friends with her on Facebook, but not really friends IRL, and I do like seeing her at meets. I don't really know what to do. I generally trust our comm admins but it sounds to me (but with only her side of the story) that whomever these people were went straight to the mods without even attempting to ignore her civilly or settle their differences with her directly. Maybe they DID try, but I'm not entitled to know what the admins know; I just wish I could know if her banning was fair... If these people DID go straight to the admins, that's kind of like opening a PayPal claim against someone who has no idea they did anything wrong because the party initiating the dispute didn't bother to contact them.
I don't want to stand up for someone who was rightfully banned, but I also don't want to let someone who was wrongfully banned be unfairly kept out of the comm; I just don't know what to do here...I also don't want to pry or make the situation worse for anyone, but it makes me feel unsettled. (つД`)ノ What do? Just ignore the whole thing?
>>9275979
Ah, I saw that too. I'm kind of surprised how sudden the ban was because similar allegations were made last year before she stepped down. I assumed that things have calmed down since then. I wish I could help, but I barely know the person irl as well.
How was everyone's ILD?
>>9276117
Crap. Already over in my timezone, but I worked all day, didn't wear lolita, and my shared apartment is in un-kawaii disgusting condition because the people I'm living with don't clean their shit.
Also since everyone's broke after ILD/Christmas, my comm isn't having another meet until nearly February, which is sad because I had to miss ILD.
>>9276117
Human'd out, but I had fun hanging out with some of the girls in my comm at a little village square. We had lunch at a cozy restaurant, and then walk around a nearby antique shop, candy and toy store, and finally at a bakery.
I kind of feel bad for not socializing so much, but I guess it can't be helped when there's an age gap (with the rest of the comm) and being with someone considered a close friend; it's nice that there are some outgoing members who notice the quiet ones.
I should be more cautious about getting people to join. I tend to find people who want to get involved, but are 4everlurkers, and I was just warned by members to not add a mutual fb friend because she was a bitch to the local cosplay comm. Now I'm a little worried that she'll manage to find our group page and start shit.
>>9276128
Aw. It's just a day. Surely you and a (few) friend(s) could get together in between now and then.
>>9276117
There's not many comms in my area and the one lolita I know in my area was busy today so I just dressed up and went out to eat. Pretty chill but lonely I guess. It was cold out but I didn't feel much of it through all the layers.
>>9276117
Friends had a private tea and I didn't get invited. Want to kms.
>>9276117
Had dinner with a small handful of girls at a nice restaurant. It was cosy and the food was great.
>>9273008
I've been "that girl" plenty of times. The nearest comm is some hours away so I generally have to stay in a hotel overnight to attend meets because I just don't have the stamina to drive there, go to the meet, and drive back while staying "fresh-looking" and awake. I also don't really have the funds to spare from October to around March, so that's six months when I rarely attend meets, especially with holiday obligations.
Though we're not close, I'm acquainted with a few of the members I see at nearly every meet I go to, and I think most of the regular members are aware I exist simply because there's this "thing" that's hard not to notice about me (trying not to give it away here lol).
I can't say any of my "kouhai" have ever tried to act "senpai" towards me though. They've only ever been nice! I do get the "where do you live, and do you know anyone?" questions, but I feel those are always acceptable questions when you're meeting someone.
I actually appreciate it when newer people (or just people in general!) bring up Taobao stores, though. They weren't a huge deal when I started wearing the fashion, but there are so many now it's hard to keep track, so I rely on those "Taobao Brand Fangirls" for updates so I don't miss something I'd like!!
>>9276143
I'm really sorry that happened to you, anon.
>>9276117
Apart from the people RSVPing at the last minute/not RSVPing it was very nice. We went to a restaurant and it was very nice, food was good, we weren't bothered by any of the normies around. We got a group photo together taken by one of the servers.
>>9275979
just contact the mods and ask really politely for answers? im sure theyll lend you some insight to the situation
>>9276117
no comm and nothing in particular to do so i stayed home and watched youtube
>>9276155
the "thing" is either a wheelchair or a penis isnt it anon
>>9276117
We had high tea at a beautiful harborside manor converted into an inn that was generously decorated for Christmas. Just gorgeous. High tea was expensive, but worth every cent. Our waiter was great, too. It was kind of a shame that only a few girls showed up, but I have trouble hearing so it was nice that there were only a few voices and nobody was far away.
>>9275979
You could refer to the comm rules. I'm pretty sure that we're in the same comm and there are 4 ways to get immediately banned in the rules.
Straight up, is AZ doing the separate secret comm thing? I keep seeing vague shit about it but I haven't really been active on FB or /cgl/ for a while now so I'm kind of out of the loop.
>>9276273
Yes they are
>>9276273
Really? This is the first I've heard of it. Is it an official secret comm or just a few friends getting together?
>>9276221
SURPRISE! It's actually my pet schlong, who has no legs, so he is forced to use a wheelchair. Everyone in my comm knows I don't leave the house without him, and we dress in matching coords when possible.
>>9276323
I understand anon, my boyfriend is disabled too.
>>9276273
Who cares. What I really want to know is how was ILD? Couldn't go due to work but I heard it wasnt as nice as previous years.
>>9276323
How did you have this picture for this exact moment?
>>9276273
all I know of is some lolitas have a private group for their friends to plan meets outside the comm. but that would be more of a private friends thing and not a comm behind the comms back. But who cares if there's another comm? you don't need to have one comm per city or state.
>>9276339
in my own experience, ILD has always been kinda lacking compared to like L.A. comm or even the N.V. comm.
>>9276348
I just made it.
>>9276273
Well if you would dress better, you would know about it.
>>9276394
So it's a group full of itas with brand.
>>9276351
Hard to compare a smaller comm like AZ to LA though. LA comm is huge, they live in a place with lots of options for ILD and in general their comm population is older girls who have money to blow.
Speaking of, how was theirs?
I wish I knew what my comm thought about me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm socially awkward without knowing, as it's difficult for me to make friends.
Is there a way to anonymously ask my comm their opinion on me without being a complete sperg?
I don't want to come out here and be like, HEY COMM I'M ANON WHAT'S YOUR ANONYMOUS OPINION OF ME?
But I also don't want to "secretly" self post.
>end blogpost
>>9276382
Wow
>>9276422
I don't really go to meetups, so I have nothing to compare it to, but the LA one was alright. There was a lot of girls there, everyone was fairly well dressed, and the one autistic ita wasn't too terrible. The catering was okay, but there were no desserts/pastry type things (which I was a little disappointed by). They had a photo printer with a station to decorate them, and that was pretty enjoyable.
I hate that my comm is not Lolita centred, but Harajuku Fashion, so we have to deal with Larmers and Kpop fans who think they're punk in the meetings.
>>9276495
I totally feel you anon.
I feel the same, I think my comm doesn't like me, although I've been told otherwise I still think I'm not accepted much anymore.
>>9276117
Attended a local meet - taking pictures, museum visit, then food and chatting. Nice attendees, good conversations, so I am pretty happy with my ILD.
>>9276527
Did you miss the huge cannoli tray?
>>9276725
Okay, they had one moderate sized tray of cannolis. Still overall a lack of pastries and desserts, especially when you consider there was 3 types of pastas that were all pretty similar tasting.
>>9276727
That tray was large enough for everyone to grab two cannolis?
And considering how much food there was for everyone and how inexpensive the event was, how much more do you want?
>>9276531
What do the larme people do?
>>9276730
Uh, did you miss your TWO opportunities to grab a cannoli? The first tray was big enough for everyone to have one, and then they brought out another one.
Also fruit?
Also all that plus all those prizes for $35, please don't come to the next one.
>>9276756
It's okay anon; I probably ate your share of cannolis, and I'm not sorry for it now.
>>9276756
You seem kinda unhelpful so?
Pastas were selected for vegetarians and vegans so everyone would be able to eat.
Food was picked from an open poll way beforehand. If you wanted more dessert, mention it next time.
Just saying, everyone I saw had a ton of fun meeting again, and you had to jump from claiming there wasn't desserts at all.
>>9276764
>>9276765
You don't have to samefag so hard you know, just save yourself the trouble from posting on your computer and your phone and just put it into one post.
The types of food (italian, kbbq, etc) were chosen from the poll, not specifically what foods were going to be encompassed by it. It's hard to mention that you'd want more of something when you don't know how much there'll be in the first place. Again, having TWO!!!! trays of cannolis doesn't really change that there's a lack of variety. Fruit isn't a pastry, unfortunately, and not really a dessert.
It's pretty embarrassing how defensive you're getting, it's not like anyone said the meet was shit. Calm down. I'm not really sure how you expect someone to be helpful; do you want me to link you to a pastry shop or something?
>>9276769
Or you could accept there's more than one person responding. :')
LA is a full comm, there are teas every other month. I didn't mind there was more savory foods than desserts, sugar and sweets aren't great when you're expecting a savory meal.
>>9276769
God stop being such a whiny cunt it's embarrassing don't get defensive because you're the only idiot that was bothered by this and replying to 5 different people while claiming same fagging
>>9276756
1 person =/= people
>>9276769
If I recall correctly, desserts wasn't even on the poll when they posted it. I actually didn't think there would be any. So you got a bonus by the meet having any at all.
>>9276772
>>9276774
>>9276775
>no replies for hours
>sudden replies suspiciously close together
>literally saying the exact same thing
>both use same syntax and defensive tone
>more than one person
Alright anon, whatever you say.
The amount of savory foods was nice, but it was still a little disappointing to not have more than one dessert to choose from. Even an additional platter of cheap cookies or something would've made an improvement, just for the variety factor. It's pretty sad that you can't accept any criticism on your event, there were a few other girls who were surprised/disappointed by the same thing. Being disappointed about one factor doesn't equate to shitting on the event as a whole; stop taking it so personally.
>>9269708
Sounds like me and my comm. I want to try to plan more meets in my city, but I don't mind driving that far every once in awhile.
>>9276777
>>9276815
you do know those screencaps prove nothing right
you can easily switch ips by replying on different devices
>>9276777
Girls all had the same concerns and yet you're the only one replying? Ok tin-foil hat chan!
>>9276822
Who the hell would put in that much effort, honestly?
Do people actually do that?
>>9276829
yes they do
>>9276827
>every single girl in the world goes on cgl and has to reply at the same time!!!
Yea, no. Stop being so defensive about a passing comment about how there was a lack of variety of desserts, it's ridiculous what a big deal you're making out of it.
>>9276832
Well, they did.
Lmao I can't deal with this thread now, delete yourselves, all of you
>>9276863
>Hi, I'm an organizer of the LA ILD!
Man, I low-key hate cannoli so I'm glad I decided not to go to LA's ILD.
>>9276869
stop trying to involve me, i just wanted to point out that screencaps of (you) prove nothing
>>9276865
Wrong continent, fatty.
>>9276883
>projecting this hard
I'm sorry your metabolism is shit anon, other people can enjoy as many desserts as they want without becoming a whale :^(
>>9276873
lol ok, Iris.
>>9276887
Whatever fatty. Good night.
>>9276892
cannolis will be what tears the LA comm apppppaaaaaarrrt
>>9275979
Someone who goes on Facebook Live to live blog themselves crying doesn't seem like someone who has a stable enough mind to base your trust on.
I think you need to assume that you don't know the full story. Especially if this person has a bad past with drama.
Can you guys all take your cannoli drama elsewhere? There are people here who would like the dessert's honor to not be tainted with your salt from your love of drama and In-and-Out
to stay on topic >>9276117
I had a nice time at a tea with my comm. The food was good although the place was a little cramped.
>>9276911
whoa whoa now you had to bring up In-N-Out
you have opened the hellfire gates
sorry, to stay on topic i was pretty busy all of ILD.
>>9276887
Wait, does Iris hate cannoli too? Lol, I'm glad we're friends then so we can commiserate on how bad cannoli is.
>>9276893
Lmao. We'll be divided between Team Cannolis and Team WE NEED MORE FUCKING PASTRIES, baka
I thought the cannolis were okay and maybe they should have had another dessert but I wouldn't throw a shitfit over fucking cannolis.
>>9276527
Was autistic ita the white girl in green with the fuzzy hat?
In regards to LA ILD, I had a pretty fun time. The venue was beautiful and an awesome photo op. I was sick of all the usual tea party things and was happy with the Italian food choice. The washi tape thing was pretty fun too.
Also Table DICKBUTT represent
>>9276907
Seeing someone post a video in desperation may be the point at which you no longer trust a person, but I am not you and do not have the same opinion. She said herself that she didn't have a "stable mind," and neither do I. Mental illness is a crippling affliction that our current level of science does not yet allow us to fully understand. To those with a lesser familiarity with mental illness, it may seem trivial to say that lolita fashion is integral to life, but when few things bring you any joy, having at least one thing in the world that makes life worth living to you is worth holding onto. Again, that may sound ridiculous when thinking of other reasons to live which are widely considered to be more "meaningful," but mental illnesses, and depression in particular, are not logical things.
>>9276907
>>9276971
In addition, I don't need to assume I don't know the full story; I know I don't know the full story and said as much in my post. The point of my post was to ask advice on whether or not I should attempt to find out the full story. On that subject, I have decided not to ask anyone for any details and let things stay between the parties involved. I have decided that calming my own unease about the situation is not worth potentially making things worse.
As far as any history with drama, I am unaware of anything in that regard. As I've said, I am acquainted with her but not close, and I don't frequent the secrets websites or gossip threads here, so I am, for better or worse, ignorant of any past issues involving her.
>>9275979
Is this Arizona
>>9276975
I wouldn't worry about it too much, anon. If you don't know the full details, then you're right in saying that you don't need to know them, because it's best not to get yourself involved.
I will just let you know that she has a long history of harassment of members. It was debated multiple times to keep her in or not, and she finally fucked up hard enough to where the mods had enough. I just hope she can see what all went wrong and can really work to make it better. Our comm isn't one to hold serious grudges or exhile, so if she really does turn her behavior around then I'm sure she can come back sooner or later, but to be honest, she's just not very stable right now, so maybe in the end the break will do her good.
>>9276279
>>9276315
>>9276394
I'm getting the idea that the sekrit ita-free comm thing is a hoax that keeps getting perpetuated by random anons here that got started when the whole "fuck tucson I want a new comm" thing happened like a year ago.
There are honestly like 2.5 consistently well dressed people in the comm and it would just be too embarrassing to even consider anyone else getting together and trying to create a superior comm. I can totally see that most active friend group making a small group for their own stuff, though.
Question mostly answered I guess lmao.
>>9277039
The fact that she was given multiple chances despite repeated known instances of harassment of other members of the comm, which is against the community rules and is supposed to result in an immediate ban, speaks well of how hard the mod team tried to avoid this outcome.
>>9277039
Oh give me a break anon. I can't say I've ever seen or heard her do or say anything like that. Just allegations.
I messaged a mod asking about it and got no response. Sounds like you are a mod if you are privy to this info though. Do give us examples.because I've only heard stories from others years ago which is, ironically, gossiping ! >>9276975
That's what I'm doing as well. I don't think anyone is changing anyone's mind at this point even if the ban was unwarranted
I've seen other lolitas do live blog crying in full lolita on YouTube, actually! It's srs business anons.
>>9277002
I have never heard of a high tea for $20! What city are you in anon?
>>9277064
>I can't say I've ever seen or heard her do or say anything like that.
You must be new, then. Go ahead, send them a pity message, see how well it works out for you, but anyone who's been in the comm for a while has seen and seen and heard the "allegations" first hand, me included.
I'm not going to spoonfeed you examples via CGL because it's just going to bring other people into the mess that don't deserve it.
>>9277064
Sorry, to clarify, I meant to say per individual. Usually what we'll do is get get high tea, split it between 2-3 girls, and split the bill. So while 2 pots of refill tea, and a 3-tier sandwich/dessert platter will come out to $50-$60, each girl is only paying $15-$20.
To compare, we just had an ILD meet where every individual paid $50 for 2 pots of tea that weren't refilled and food that ran out. I'm sure it was more for the venue than anything, but while the venue was cute, it wasn't posh.
>>9277054
It's bs. Anons are just shit stirring, there isn't a secret comm.
>>9276731
pout and think about daddy
>>9277104
Damn anon, there's like one nice high tea place in my city and it's $50 per person. I'm jealous.
>>9277054
There is no secret comm. just friends with pages to plan smaller meetups with eachother. I'm in three different ones and they are barely active. A lot of the time it's just "should I wear this or this?" Posted.
How can i get a loli gf?
>>9277280
Go back to your 2D underaged animes, you filthy pedo.
>>9277290
?
But i dont watch animes.
>>9277247
I kekked.
Seriously don't get why larme's taken off so much or is even viewed as socially acceptable within lolita comms, they're all so anti-ageplay but that shit is nymphet as fuck.
>>9277054
>I can totally see that most active friend group making a small group for their own stuff
I guess you could call that a.... secret comm?
>>9277353
At that point, isn't it just a group of friends hanging out? I see it sometimes with my lolita FB friends. "Hey, do you guys wanna meet up here? I'd like us to wear lolita but if you're not that's fine too!"
If it was me, I wouldn't try to keep it a secret, but I'd also only want to invite people I'm actually friends with. IDK
>>9277353
What exactly is the problem? You wouldn't want to hang out with these people anyway if they don't want you and are excluding you. Get together with your own friends?
>>9277297
lolitas dont want to date you. give up.
>>9276117
Went ice skating with my comm and then cozied up with warm alcoholic beverages before going to dinner at my favorite restaurant. The weather was great and some of my fave comm members were attendees. 10/10 would do again
>>9277280
Step 1: Don't call us 'lolis'.
>>9273767
Either we're in the same area or guys like that are more common than I'd thought. I'm hoping for the former. The dude I'm thinking of doesn't even wear any jfash, afaik, and is into dd/lg. I wish he weren't allowed in the local comm's fb groups.
The average age of my comm is 23. There are a couple of older women who are very lovely, they have jobs buy brand with their own money etc. But then there are a group of girls, typical white suburban bitches who live at home still...feign sjw posts on fb but they are all in a clique together. Most recently one of these girls had a huge shitshow of a split with her SO. She frequents cgl so I'm sure she will see this... This group of friends constantly posts woe is me posts on fb... And there are like 5 of them. Each one tries to one up the other for sympathy. It's really bizzare how when they are all together at meets together they act like holy nuns but basically sit on here or on fb talking trash like they mean something. The worse part is one of the craziest bitch is a mod. I feel bad for her "friends"they don't know how quickly shed throw em under a bus. Then there is a group of sperg-esque lolitas who of course have a token lard whale, POC Lolita who's super sjw, a few itas that the POC uses to get sympathy ( she's actually just as bad as one of the white bitches... Complaines about not having money but she has almost half a dozen brand dresses) anyway long story short none of these girls havent a clue who dis be. It's been hilarious... Watching the comm slowly slip into the swamp of salty/homo/trans/fat/rasism/elitism y'all don't even know. It's too bad some of the comm are really easy on the eyes ... Too bad they can't see past the ends of their turnt up noses. RIP ILD meet.
>>9277280
i'll date you if u buy me dresses
>>9277408
Same, been looking for a good sugar daddy.
>>9277412
I'm >>9277370 and I'm not in this comm, but I guess I just wanted to say that I don't think it's weird or mean in general to have meets with other lolitas, outside meets with your comm, especially if it's a larger one.
I think people should be allowed to hang out with whomever they want, and exclude whomever they want. Nobody is entitled to be friends with anybody else. I'm not saying there aren't consequences to doing so, like other people having a bad opinion of you, but that's their problem. Eh...*shrug*
>>9276117
Went to my comm's annual tea party they hold for ILD, and it was the best one yet. There was only one girl with no manners, everyone else was lovely and dressed immaculately. The girl who planned the meet this year did a really great job. Overall, one of the best meets I've been to, even though the winter ILD is always my favorite.
>>9277415
no i think it's totally normal in larger comms. and i also agree with you that nobody should be expected to invite strangers (even strangers with similar interests) every time they want to hang out.
but our comm has maybe 15-20 active, regular members. in the whole state. maybe 10-12 more that show up every couple months.
so a hidden group of the closest, ehh, 4-8 girls is kind of more of a big deal here than bigger cities, or cities with larger nerd populations, because it's way more exaggeratedly exclusionary.
>>9274509
You must have no friends.
>>9277406
You sound like someone in my comm that I now avoid.
Sjw's are annoying but they aren't worth throwing a fit over. if you don't like the group, then leave.
>>9277416
what did she do?
>>9277444
Interrupting conservations, physically invading personal space, eating desserts from other parts of the table after she ate an entire platter to herself (not a fatty-chan btw, so leave them out of this). She stole a girls seat as she was about to sit down too. She intentionally stood in front of people in group pictures, made rude comments about girls not wanting to dirty their shoes being ridiculous, and tried to guilt the comm into driving her 30 minutes out of everyone's way because she didn't work out a ride situation in advance.
>>9277257
Even splitting with other girls?? That's so expensive, I feel you sis
>>9277280
have a lot of money and no spine, that's how we like 'em
>>9277406
You...you sound like you really need to leave your comm for everyone's sake.
>thanks for the salt I guess? It read like a mean girls burn book though
I can't believe some of you fuckers don't like cannoli
>>9277514
To be fair, I am allergic to wheat and dairy xD
>>9277519
>xD
You're wasting a perfectly good image board
>>9277305
it is semi normal and simple and pretty and has a name. that's the appeal. perfect for girls who need a template to base outfits off of.
>>9277406
What comm is this?
>>9277406
I wish the average age in my comm was ~23. Most girls in my comm are 18-22 and whenever a new person finds out I'm 25 they look at me like I'm some creepy grandma.
>>9277428
Kek
are you mad you aren't invited to the """secret comm""" or are you trying to make your group seem more important than it actually is?
I legit can't tell
For being a ~totally drama free comm~ the az comm sure has a lot of butt bothered drama here
>>9263933
>mfw there are no active groups for California
oh well it's too hot here anyways
>>9277666
You're joking, right?
>>9277667
>>9276117
no meets no nothing
there's been no meets for several months and it's frustrating me cause I haven't gotten to go to a single meet here yet. apparently only 4-5 people show up to meets anyway
how's the sweden comm? I'll be over for the new year's period and don't know what I'll be doing for most of the time, would there be any point in getting in touch and seeing if anyone wants to meet? I'm kinda on the fence on bringing a coord and asking to hang out because I have limited luggage space and don't feel like getting on a plane with my petti on
>>9277666
...what
>>9277652
the latter, i guess? i'm in no way required to hang out with a bunch of girls I don't know, especially ones that don't really dress well, either. I don't consider myself "better" than them, whatever that means, but I shouldn't have to invite 15 strangers every time I want to get some fucking lunch or tea with my actual friends.
>>9277666
How the hell did you miss the current convo about LA's cannoli problem?
>>9276527
>>9276725
>>9276727
>>9276730
>>9276739
>>9276756
>>9276764
>>9276765
>>9276769
>>9276772
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>>9276777
>>9276843
>>9276873
>>9276887
>>9276893
>>9276911
>>9276948
>>9276957
>agree with people saying it's okay to go out with your friends in lolita without inviting the entire comm
>tfw no lolita friends (yet) though since I'm new to the comm
>stuck with the teenage itas at every meetup because the adult lolitas are all hanging out together privately and not attending regular meetups anymore
>c-can I come to the secret elite meetups too pls
>just the once pls
>give me a chance I'm cool I promise
I don't dislike the teenage Bodyline-chans or anything but listening to them rave about Melanie Martinez and complain that brand is for rich brandwhores only is getting kind of old. I wish a few more mid-late twentysomethings joined the comm so I can mention my job, house or husband without the conversation screeching to a halt.
>>9277656
Except this is literally how every single instance of someone bringing up AZ plays out
>Person 1: What's the AZ comm like?
>Person 2: I heard they all bought 50 dicks off ebay and sucked them all
>Person 3: Nah that's not true
>Person 4: Yeah I don't know anything about that
>Person 5: Sounds fake but ok
>Person 2: Lolololol so much drama xD I am le epique troll
It's a boring routine and I honestly wish people would just stop responding to that shit because even giving it enough attention to denounce it is feeding the troll, but whatev.
>>9277879
I think my comm is like this too. I've never been to a meet-up but looking at the people attending,most of them look young and the type who doesn't wear lolita much.
>>9273902
I'm relatively new so meets are once in a blue moon.
That sucks though. Everyone's is so exclusive to their groups it's hard to make friends without people giving you the "who are you and why are you here" look.
>>9277887
It's because there was a shit ton of drama years ago and people can't let that shit go. The people that have been banned still like to bring it up just to make the comm look bad. But reality it's a normal comm that really doesn't have any thing special about it. It's not a big comm so there isn't much drama. The e famous girls don't even attend meets and rarely interact with others outside of their own group of friends. But drama hasn't been a thing since nebula was banned.
>>9277531
Ahh I know that feeling. I'm 26 and I feel like I can't honestly talk to people younger than 21; I know it's not their fault, but I've been through a lot more shit, even than most people my same age. So things that are a big deal, or are exciting to them or really bother them usually make me laugh inside.
That's why I tend to listen more than speak, because anything I could say would either go over their head, make the conversation drop dead because it's too heavy, make them buttmad because I give zero shits about this "big problem" of theirs, or make them say, "but it's just not that easy, anon! You don't understand!" Yes. I don't understand. We don't understand each other.
I would say that at least we can talk about the reason we're even in the same room, but the younger they are, the less they seem to know about anything fashion related.
Being vague to avoid ID: I once talked to a girl who went on about how awesome this piece she had was, and I asked her what its name was. She said something like, "Oh, it's (brand name item) from (Taobao reseller website), have you bought any of their stuff?" My thoughts were then, "How could anyone who has been in this fashion for a decent amount of time not know that's a goddamn replica??"
>If she can't name Sugary Carival, she's too young for you bro
Sorry for my autist rant.
>>9276769
Are you fat or something? Fruit is good enough for dessert (I'm not in your comm so i don't know how good the selection was, but a little bit of pineapple and strawberries are all you need). Who wants to eat a shitton of dessert wearing nice clothing? ILD isn't Thanksgiving. My comm once had a meetup at a pastry shop and it was so uncomfortable getting bloated from all the sweets. I wouldn've much rather just went to a restaurant
>>9278000
>projection, the post
sorry you're a whale
>>9277859
What is reading comprehension?
I don't think the secret group of friends is a big deal. Literally no one does.
So why did you try to make it seem like people were getting soooooooo upset over it?
And now you're backpedaling, saying it isn't a big deal.
Which is it, attention-chan?
>>9278057
>calling someone else attention chan
>while feeding a troll
Stop.
>>9278000
I don't know if you've heard of this, but there's something called controlling how much you eat.
>>9278040
I was about to respond the same thing, I moved to NYC a little over a year ago and I've just given up and embraced being a lone lolita. But it's alright, there was a lot of petty drama and childishness in my old comm and the comms surrounding so it's kind of refreshing, but still, would be nice to have someone to hang out with on ILD.
>>9277531
I'm between two comms. One of them has an average age of 26, and the other is full of high schoolers and college teens with an average age of maybe 20. Huge difference in attitude.
>tfw don't really fit in either because I'm a 22-year-old student doing a trad. "hard" major with a high workload and lots of pressure
>know I'm on a different page to the girls in their mid-20s because I don't work full time
>still a bit more mature and live a totally different lifestyle to the younger girls who mostly live at home and all seem to be doing liberal arts subjects with a lot more free time
>>9278000
Idk man I love lolita meetups as an excuse to indulge. I guess I'm lucky in that I don't bloat much but shirred jsks are comfy as heck even after pigging out. I think as long as you eat like a normal person the rest of the time, eating cute pastries while dressed like a cute pastry is the best kind of meetup. Fruit is great too of course, but I don't have to go to a restaurant or pastry shop for that.
>>9277531
>>9277936
>>9278084
Do you ever get caught up in conversations with the teenagers where they declare that they're totally going to stop wearing lolita when they're 23 or 25 because that's too old? I can't tell whether the girls in my comm are clueless about my age, clueless about social interaction or cunty bitches. I hope it's the first but I can't help but wonder if it's the last.
>>9278095
Good riddance. Maybe in a couple of years we can all be in our 30's buying up all the brand and having extravagant mature tea parties as the former teens get out of their harajuku phase.
One of my comm mods rubs me the wrong way. Every time something doesn't go her way, like a meet doesn't get traction or she isn't accepted into a fashion show or something, she posts some self-pitying status or has a miniature hissy fit, and it's so embarrassing to watch. She can be sweet enough in person at meets, but she can definitely be really negative and whiny, and I just don't think it's the kind of attitude of behavior a mod should show so openly. I get that mods are people and don't think "lolitas should be lovelies" or any of that crap, but her lack of grace for someone her age and someone in a leadership position in a comm is so off-putting.
>>9277879
you need to start developing a friendship with some of these girls online so theyll think of you next time they meet up.
>>9278095
I'd say that the average age of people in my comm is around 25, with the oldest person being 32. It's not that weird.
>>9278125
Pretty sure I know who this is about, and I couldn't agree more.
>>9278125
This used to be like my comm too but then the problem mod *stepped down* aka was asked to leave the position. She is a very self-pitying and jealous person, and has impulse issues. She posts less-than-subtle digs and self-pitying things and gives half-assed apologies later on.
Now she's still causing issues in the comm despite not being a mod anymore. You'll see examples of her immaturity causing fallout in this thread.
I wish I could tell you that things get better when they aren't mods anymore, but that hasn't been my experience.
Someone who used to be a mod in my comm, but "stepped down" over the summer, seems to have been removed from the group. Someone posted asking what constitutes being kicked out, and then there was a post on a meet page where someone said deleted person wasn't allowed to come to meet, and in comments someone referred to a video. I don't want to be a shit stirrer but i'm very curious, does anyone if anything specifically happened and what this video is?
>>9278095
I've never been in a conversation with someone that clueless.
I just recently joined up into my local community after being out of it for almost two years due to toxic people running it. It's a whole new community now and actually pretty fun again. But the problem is is that its all new people. One of them saw me starting to post regarding the Christmas party coming up in two weeks to give me the lolita 101 on how to get into the fashion. I don't know if shes even looked at my profile picture or not but its obvious that I know how the fashion works. Like should I tell this girl that I know and have been into the fashion for 8 years or just let her think shes helping someone new out and not crush her dreams of being helpful?
>>9278238
Tell her, but gently.
>>9278213
i have a feeling this image is relevant
>>9278245
I don't think I'll tell her and just let her have this moment. She seemed eager to help someone "New" I'll just let my presence in the comm be there and when meets happen show up in my outfits that are obviously not beginner. I have some friends still in the comm so maybe as we interact in the comm she will realize I'm not really that new. Plus shes a bodyline lolita. So not really well versed in the fashion. But I'm not gonna break her for trying to be helpful. But let her realize that assuming made her look pretty dumb on her own.
>>9278083
>fellow LoneNYC lolita from earlier in the thread
I'm down for a gulls only meet next ILD. It sounds silly but I find the average gull to be friendlier and more tolerable than the girls from the local comm. If they don't know you, they're very icy and it's hard to wanna reach out and befriend people online who won't even give you a chance IRL.
>>9278257
Bodyline Lolitas can be good at coordinating too so don't be too harsh on her. Maybe she was just trying to be friendly
>>9277496
Most places here charge per person not per high tea set. It's an exxy life.
>>9278213
She liveblogged herself crying because she was finally told that enough is enough. She's been a shit stirrer in our comm for years. She does it via PM and gossiping about other members. She befriends new lolitas who haven't heard about her past bad behavior yet, and tries to make them feel bad for her by telling them her side of the story first.
Basically, our comm shouldn't indulge someone's bad behavior because they use their mental illness as an excuse. Plenty of people in the comm have a mental illness and don't act like her. I'm happy the mods actually did something about it for once.
>>9278360
I figured it was something like that, thanks for sharing the story.
>>9278268
or a sooner event. NYCgull meets are fun.
>>9278280
I'm not saying she's bad. Just doesn't quite understand that taobao is a thing. Her "advice" was, " hi welcome to the group. If there's any thing you would like to know about the fashion let one of the support staff like myself know. First rule is be careful of replicas. Although accepted to a meet, they are frowned upon by most of the community. The best affordable place to buy Lolita is from bodyline since their designs are original and affordable. The current trend in the fashion is classical and sweet mainly angelic pretty. But don't feel discouraged to attend meets if you don't have any brand. It's not required to attend the meets. I don't own any outside of bodyline so we are pretty inclusive of lolitas with smaller budgets. Hope you have fun here and evolve with us in the fashion."
Bodyline has origional designs? Okay. I simply don't want to break her little heart on bodyline doing replica designs.
>>9278590
ugh yeah that's pretty condescending (not to mention wrong in many ways), I can see how you'd feel pretty annoyed. I think your decision to let your outfits speak for themselves is the best one though. I myself have been the "helpful newbie" (though not to such an extent, more just greeting longtime members of the comm to meetups as if it were their first time - oops) and if she has any awareness at all she'll definitely feel mortified at her goof. No need to rub it in at all.
>>9264155
I'm guessing southern California?
>>9278660
Uh, no? There's always a meet going on, especially with the SD comm
>>9278660
Southern California groups? Inactive? Anon please.
>>9278654
>>9278742
I'll admit I was laughing when I saw it. I just messaged her back and said " thanks for the kind welcome message". the better part is her profile image is her wearing body-lines sweets parlor replica skirt. Then you look at my image and I'm wearing Elizabeth bride of death full set.
>>9278791
bodyline* stupid phone put a - in that for some reason.
>>9278660
Anon pls stop trying to shitstir, the cannoli argument already happened, stop trying for more drama
>>9278791
so much for "replicas are frowned upon, don't do it!!!!!"
>>9278268
>>9278412
That sounds great, but yeah I agree we don't necessarily need to wait until June. I've met a few Lolitas around town and they're friendly enough but it's just like the city in general, everyone is very busy doing lots of things and carving out times for the friends they already have. I don't blame them, necessarily, but just about all my friends in my hometown were Lolitas in my comm so it's a stark 180.
>>9279123
That's what I found soo funny about her tryong to "help". I want to point out that shes wearing a replica but I think its best she learns her mistake on her own. Till then I can silently watch her go through her ill informed newbie phase.
>>9278742
I feel like the problem lies more in that she thinks she's in a mentor position when she doesn't know her shit
>>9264155
Sounds like your mods and fellow comm members are lazy. My comm has a Facebook group of 400+ people and we have meets 1-2 times a month, sometimes more. Either facilitated by mods or member-hosted meets. I've found most groups with that many people tend to have around 30-60 regularly active members and depending on the meet attendance could vary from like 6 to 50. Unless there's literally 300 people trying to attend every meet or something - which I doubt unless you're a huge comm like the main NYC one on Facebook - your mods sound like they just want a title. I guess I can't blame other members entirely since I do think comm mods should be at least somewhat actively involved but if anybody is allowed to make meets I don't see why someone doesn't organize a little get together at a museum.
>>9279256
I was talking about the NYC comm. Like I was saying earlier in the thread there are a bunch of meets but they are private and the mods have their own private meets, which are not small by any means. They are part of the secret comm. I have no issue with that, as in NYC there are a lot of cliques, but my issue is that they should just step down if they are not doing anything for the actual comm and the community, except for maybe once a year. Or they should recruit a bunch of additional fresh mods to help the community, because at this point our comm page is just "im selling this thing" once in a while and "are there any meetups?"
>>9279283
I just joined the NYC like last month and yea it's dead on the front page and I don't even know where to start. Do I make an introduction post to hope to get into these clique meetings? I live like 2 hours away from the city but it's the closest comm and I was really looking forward to meeting other lolitas (and oujis in my case too) to enjoy the fashion with. Just very disappointed that it's like this and not very open like other comms my online friends say are.
>>9279320
Best place to start is what some call the "ita comm" which actually has some great people, and well dressed girls. It's only known as the ita comm due to some irrelevant decade old drama. It's also a bit dead but there is a higher chance of finding a meet on there. It's called NYC Victorian ladies I think. Your other best bet is to attend the rare public events like cons/festivals. Making an intro post on the main comm page might get you some replies.
I love how cocky bed-sheet chan is about her own appearance. I've seen roadkill that looks better than this twerp.
>>9279334
>"gothic lolita"
>wears neither gothic nor lolita
>>9279393
I'm pretty sure she thinks that the term "gothic" = rozen maiden (pic related), she thinks that anything remotely lolita is somehow gothic.
>>9279256
Not NYC but yeah, I'm in a 400+ member comm with four mods who pretty much only take care of the FB page and don't consider themselves responsible for anything else. We only have maybe one meet every two months or so. I'm not sure why no one else tries to organise meets. I tried once and only three girls showed up, one of them being an ita who's been in the comm for years but still doesn't have a full coord, another a girl with social anxiety so bad she never says a word and the third being a teenage newbie who had to leave after 30 minutes. That wasn't fun.
>>9279422
I always think comms like these should do a membership cull. Quite often, the reason people aren't coming to meets is the fear of creepers, random guys and onlookers turning up. Cutting down the membership just to people who still wear lolita at least removes that issue.
I'm in a 300 member comm that covers an area with maybe 30-40 active lolitas, because the mods haven't done a cull in years. We have regularly monthly meets but nobody ever wants to organise mini meets because it's much harder to handle a creep turning up in a group of 2 or 3 than it is in a group of 10.
>>9279320
>>9279283
The NYC comm is depressing because nobody organizes good comm-wide events. I wish the mods would recruit some people who actually would do anything. Nothing against them as people but it would be cool if we had community events to look forward to beyond just the thing our respective friend groups host.
>>9279330
The ita comm leader still brings up that dramu and vaguely shit talks the people involved. She has a massive victim complex. I'm sure you'll find a few nice and well dressed people even at her meets but beware.
>>9279438
The ita comm leader almost never goes to meets though. The comm is usually other nice girls who joined the comm way after the dramu, and no one really gives a shit about hating on the people she brings up. None of us even know them.
>>9279434
Agreed. I wish we had something like OTTea, but the best we have is Rufflecon which is out of state.
>>9279330
Didn't even know that group existed, seems like they do have meetups at least. A walk meet too, which is something I at least expected the main NYC comm to have in the 2 months I've been in it since it's something thats free? I am planning on attending a con in 2017 in NYC so maybe there I can meet some people too.
Of course there is always rufflecon next year, I wasn't able to make it this year.
>>9268701
I mean it took a while but they accepted me. Check your message requests anon, one of our mods is pretty active. Your profile pic doesn't necessarily have to be lolita either.
>>9276273
I mean there's a Northern AZ comm I think
wtf happened with her sister? anyone know?
>>9279320
>I was really looking forward to meeting other lolitas (and oujis in my case too)
you have my attention
it is probably too late in the year to do a NYCgull meetup, but perhaps we can do something closer to springtime when the icy season is over.
>>9279689
It's already been talked about above. She broke comm rules many times and finally got asked to take a break. Girl is nuts so she flipped out per usual.
>>9279689
If you're in the comm, you might want to look at the comments on that post. Then check the community rules paying close attention to what behavior results in an immediate ban.
>>9279334
you can see the autism in her lumpy forehead
>>9279619
doubt it
>>9276323
kek
So is being at the same ghibli screening as your local comm (that you are a member of but never go to any meets) and staring wistfully the same as attending a meet?
The shyness is real gulls
>>9281058
are you gonna wear a coord? or did this already happen?
Also what do you guys do when you really hate a girl in your comm and she rarely comes to meets but then you plan to go to a meet and she is going as well?
I mean, other than just avoiding like the plague. I mostly go to meets to do things with large groups of people and I don't really care for talking that much. Like I talk to people but it's not really important that I do. I usually just munch food and take pictures and act sweet to people because I like being nice.
I'm not anti social or anything but I'd rather just hear people talk than me do the talking. So I'll ask people stuff in hopes I get long answers that I can just listen to while I eat or whatever the meet is centered around. (all our meets are food centered usually?!)
Thing is, this leaves me open to be approached by this dipshit. She has said some stuff I don't agree with on top of telling me that things were effecting her when really, they were effecting everyone. She messaged me with some political stuff awhile back and I don't do politics at all. So I didn't reply to her. I feel like it's gonna be awkward as fuck now especially if she decides to confront me or something.
Should I just go to the mods of my comm? I don't think I have anything really heavy enough for that here... I just personally don't like the girl and don't want to have to interact with her. I really want to go to the meet tho.
>>9283780
Dealing with people you don't like is just a part of life. When I am forced in that situation I just smile and nod... It's not worth the effort or time in my opinion to try and change people or their attitudes. Normally the types I don't get along with will say "oh this dress only came in this color". When I am wearing the other color let's say.. Point it out, then they go so nuts that they are right screaming and yelling. Luckily never experienced that in lolita, only retail.
>>9283780
Are you 16? What the everloving fuck would you even tell the mods?? Don't talk to her if you don't like her, and if you seriously can't handle that, then don't go to the meet. And how difficult is it to say "Oh yeah, I don't really talk politics."
>>9284435
She just seems like the kind of person that would cause a scene like >>9284217 said.
The mods don't even know anything has gone on between me and this person. I feel bad for not saying something sooner. She likes to be over controversial and gives me vibes of never growing out of her edgy phase.
I did tell her I don't talk politics. But that was before the election when she messaged me again. That's when I didn't reply.
Why do I seem immature for not wanting to engage in some weird unnecessary conflict of interest?
Like I said. Do you guys have advice BESIDES avoiding?
>>9284492
Discreetly squirt soy sauce on the back of her dress.
>>9284492
It's immature because I can't even fathom that someone rubbing me the wrong way would be so insanely difficult for me to cope with that I'd want to go so far as to alert the mods of my dislike of what is probably just a loud-mouthed brat. It seems like you haven't yet dealt with people you don't like, which would have to make you very young since it's a minor part of life. My advice is to get over it. Like seriously, nothing has actually happened and it doesn't sound like anything is going to happen, unless you start a big stink over disliking someone. In fact, it sounds like you WANT a blow up so I say, post about it publicly in your comm! See what everyone has to say.
>>9278095
Most likely they have no idea how old you are. They probably think you're just a few years older than them.