Local comm thread

A member in my comm tried to get private meets banned. She's so abrasive I can't help but wonder if she was this bad in her previous comm back in Auckland.

>>8943839
Wait..

Is this CO Spgs?

>>8943846

>Auckland

There's your answer.

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>>8943839
SF?

>>8943923
holy shit, I would have that bitch banned from meets until she can control her bug problem.

>>8943923

WHAT ARE THE OTHER BITING INSECTS

>>8943923
Why would they post this and then not name the member? Or is that cropped out?

>>8943991
They're not going to shame them. For OP the person was banned but this person is actually going to a meet, unless she got banned after this. If people knew who they were they would be very judgmental and would avoid her purposefully at the meet. It makes sense for people to want to keep away to be safe but saying her name would ruin any future meet for her.

>>8943928
>until she can control her bug problem.
Actually, i had a bug issue. It was horrible. But it wasnt even from my apt. Someone in my building was infested, and the bugs crawl around and got into other rooms. Shortly after that, I got fleas. So, it sucks, but it's not really fair to say it is their fault necessarily. But you bet your ass, 6 months into the lease and i paid the 150 transfer fee to move to a new building to get away from the bugs, and also partially because i wanted the bigger apt with the bigger closet haha.
It really sucks though when you have to deal with it, and it's not even your fault.

>>8943923

Jesus fucking shit just reading this made me itch

Kill it with fire

>>8943923
What the fuck? I'm sorry but when I had bed bugs I did not waste time going to fucking meets I spent a whole weekend cleaning and killing those fuckers and they were gone. She should just not attend meets until they're gone. Why would you even want to tell other people about that? I would be too embarrassed to tell my lolita comm especially.

>>8943846
>>8943923
Lol, why would that idiot tell her fucking comm members she had bed bugs? Why wouldn't she just quietly debug her apartment and put her clothes in the dryer?

A comm friend told me she had bed bugs once but that's because she was asking for advice on how to get rid of them and she knew I wouldn't be an asshole blabbing to the entire comm about it.

>>8944077
Same here - I called a bedbugs-removing company and hid at my bf's place until they came and killed all the fuckers

Been buying a lolita wardrobe for a year now. I only have like 5 main pieces so far but I joined my local comm on fb and it's been like a week a half now, and no one has approved me.
I live in a fairly big city, and the comm on fb has 300+ members..
Are people usually hesitant about letting new people in?
Or could it be because I rarely use facebook and my account is coming off as fake?

Also small rant about how much I loathe that I have to use facebook for this hobby, it almost seems like a requirement and it makes me sad that it's the only way to meet other lolitas.

>>8944133
It could be for a variety of reasons, even simple ones like the mods being too busy. Have you tried contacting a mod about it?

>>8943965
fleas probably. bitch is probably dirty.

>>8944095
she's probably just trying to be nice(cover her ass) incase she exposed others to them. it's pretty probable they'd be able to hide in lolita clothing easily and dresses touch a lot at meets. it's better on her end to alert people incase she's found out later.

>>8944133
Message one of the mods and introduce yourself. Either they just haven't gotten around to it yet, or they can't properly identify from your profile whether you're legit or not or whatever. Most moderators don't mind being messaged when you first join. Also, double check the description and make sure there isn't some sort of thing you have to do before joining. For my comm, we changed our admission rules and now you have to fill out a small intro form because we had one weird cosplayer who didn't understand the meaning of the group join...

>>8944161
I would if I could? The group is closed and I can't message the mods because I'm not friends with them....
I don't get it

>>8944133
Have you checked your message requests/other folder, and are you able to receive messages from people you're not friends with?
I don't know about other comms but we message people before adding them, so maybe they're deliberating if you're not getting the message or if they can't get through to you.
That said, it's weird that you can't message them, seems odd.

>>8944167
Oh. Huh. I dunno what else to tell you then. Even if the group is closed you should still be able to see the members and admins and find an admin to message, but I guess if they all have messaging turned off there's not much else you can do. I would maybe change your profile pic or cover photo to something lolita-related if you are able to (maybe even just like, change your cover photo to a print background?) to maybe indicate you're a lolita.

But if they haven't messaged you to ask you specifically if you're a lolita (which most will do if they are unsure) then I'm hoping it's just something innocent like the mods just haven't gotten around to checking up on the group requests yet. If like 2 weeks go by maybe you could try cancelling your request then sending another?

>>8944133
Also check your message requests (or make sure your privacy settings aren't so high that the mods can't message you) because in my comm (also big, 350+ members) the mods send a general questionnaire along the lines of "what made you interested in lolita fashion" to filter out creeps, spam, and norms who wander in.

>>8944174
Lol my profile pic is me wearing lolita... I've got fucking huge falsies on.. if they saw me and said no.... Oh man.

>>8944177
Ah. You know it might be this because awhile back I was blocking guys from messaging me, and I might have cranked up the privacy settings, but I don't remember and will look into it once I get home as mobile version is all over the place with settings.

>>8944133
If you follow the other anon's advice and message the mod, be sure to shoot the intro message to other mods as well. Sometimes people are "mods" but aren't active in their comms.
>move to new area
>apply to fb group
>message a few mods
>one of them is sort of e famous
>write 10 sentence introduction and how I'm excited to meet new people
>get a response from her like days later
>"Sorry I can't help you, don't live there anymore."
>didn't even say hello, just acted rude and shrugged me off like I was supposed to know she was inactive
I heard rumors online she was kinda bitchy, should have listened.

So I'm moving to the Czech Republic in a few months and maybe I'm just dumb, but I can't seem to find any info on a comm in the country. Are German comms my best bet?

>>8944232
there's a link in the comms directory but it's broken, maybe ask in a German comm? my shitty super basic facebook search did not help and google only gives some 'pen pals' page that's been inactive for 2 years

>quite likely moving soon
>country I'm going to has 0 comm
>public transport apparently sucks so going to nearby countries for meets will be difficult
>whatislife

>>8943923
OH MY GOD WHERE WAS THIS POSTED?? Sf comm JUST had a swap meet and this is fucking unacceptable

>>8944232
There's a comm in Brno, not sure about other towns

>>8944275
That person was not allowed to come to the swap meet.

>>8944332
Only person I was aware that was banned was Ariella. Is this another person then?

>>8944340
It was Natalie.

>>8944271
>>8944286

Thank you! And hopefully you can find some other lolitas in your new home, anon.

>>8944232
>>8944271
anon, I updated the Czech comm link to their fb page! PM the page to see if they have a fb group.

>>8944232
the closest German comm would be about 2 hrs from the Czech border

>>8944205
Hmph. Then I agree, either your privacy settings are too high for the mods to contact you further (even with a lolita pic they still might want to double check) or it's really quite simple/innocent, the mods just got distracted and haven't been able to approve you yet.

>>8943923
>tfw I backed out of this meet last-minute because I was feeling sick

>>8945037
fuck off tim

>>8943839
Oh shit, this reminds me i should pop all secondhand purchases in the dryer when receiving them to prevent this occurring. My husband is highly allergic, we'd be fucked if we ended up with an infestation.

>>8944332
The person with bedbugs did not attend the swap meet but her friend that made the "warning" post did. I'm just assuming both are a risk since they are good friends.

>>8944773
Thank you so much! Seriously, that was so nice of you.

>>8944876
Ah, see, I was thinking the closest one would be in/near Dresden, too. Thank you!

>friend approaches me for lolita advice
>she's much much older than the average age so I assume she's asking for her daughter
>give some good links and advice on where to buy, and tell her to join the local comm (which I have since moved out of)
>some weeks later i see pictures of her in homemade 'neko meido loli'
>shes talking about being excited for her first meet
I'm so so sorry. Please be nice to her.

>>8944133

is this vancouver? took me like 2 freaking months to get approved because they only have one mod and shes super inactive. Just message her maybe once every two weeks to get approved

>>8943923
I feel bad for the girl who has the problem since they probably came from other tenants.
My cousin moved into a place that was already infested once. The removal process is long and really time consuming too. She was pretty pissed when it happened.

>>8944060
I'm surprised you actually had to pay that transfer fee. Wouldn't that fall under a maintenance issue?

>>8944415
Natalie isn't banned from the SF Comm as far as I'm aware

I know I don't want this to be a witch hunt but I refuse to go to meets where the person is infected with bed bugs and/or fleas REGARDLESS OF HOW THEY CONTRACTED IT FROM NEIGHBORS, TENANTS, FRIENDS, etc. I agree with >>8944077 they should not be going to fucking meets.

I don't know if I have a right to feel kinda upset or not, but I have a friend who does Aristocrat, shironuri, ouji, otome kind of stuff. Not sure how to place her since she kinda wings everything she does. Anyway she wants to join my comm because she wants to wear lolita with me or her stuff and a few members are old friends/classmates, but my comm is more strict due to the usual issues and I think she was denied, it has been weeks and she can't really attend certain meets unless she is a member , we are roommates and share the car and I rather not drive an hour or 2 alone. We messaged the mod like we were supposed to and she never responded again, I feel sad as I was sure she'd get approved as they seemed to like her before.
TLDR. Not sure what to do, friend who wears the allowed jfashion can't get in comm, not sure if we should message mod again.

>>8946000
Does she have anything Lolita related on her FB? If mods just see random j fashion but no Lolita that might be a red flag for them. Maybe try putting some Lolita photos on her profile and message the mod again saying she is new to the style?

>>8945263
It's ok anon. It seems like the itas that have just come out of an Internet stereotype are the ones who are more easily discouraged - they notice everyone else is very differently dressed and they feel awkward and leave because everyone else is a baka brandwhore

>>8944415 #
Its time I step in and dispel the rumors cause this issues has gotten out of hand. Considering everyone know who the effected party was, this is Natalie. I was ask to not attend the swap meet and avoid further meet ups until my problem was cleared up. This tore me up a lot but thankfully my closest friend was there comfort me and I am beyond grateful.

On Wensday of last we, after trapping a few of the insects and taking them to my landlord, I was told than in fact I was mistaken and the insects in question were cockroaches. Roaches only bite when their food supply has been depleted to the point that they numbers can't be sustained. I maintain a relatively clean living space I however can not account for my neighbors.

I was then downgrade to being able to attend with the restriction of a PSA being posted. The PSA that was posted intentionally left my name out as a means to protect my identity from possible prejudice as I'm very low risk. I will have full confirmation as of 4/6 when the building has its routine monthly visit from an exterminator.

>>8945158 #
Leave her out of this. She was just trying to keep me included and not treated as a leper. If you want to address and complain you can bring it to me via Facebook. I apologise for any part I played in this wide spread panic.

>>8946080

How the fuck can you mistake cockroaches for bedbugs?

I just want to fucking join this comm and none of the admins will respond to my messages. Maybe a comm this shitty at communication isn't worth joining anyway.

>>8946080
I don't know you, but I feel very bad for you. I got bedbugs once and it was not fun, and cost me a lot of money to get rid of. It was actually courteous of you to inform someone ahead of time about the issue and you don't deserve this shit. I had a friend hug me first and THEN tell me that she had encountered bed bugs earlier that day.

javascript:quote('8946084');
Simple, I'm a lay person with very little knowledge of incects, living in a 110 year old residential hotel. Something was biting me I saugh bugs and I didn't think roaches bit(figured that out last week). So I came to the conclusion of bed bugs. It was an honest mistake.

>>8946132
>I saugh bugs

lol wut

>>8946090
Or you look ita as fuck so they don't want you to join?

OK I can't spell

>>8946080
>Roaches only bite when their food supply has been depleted to the point that they numbers can't be sustained
>numbers can't be sustained

your home/apartment complex is heavily infested if they're biting humans. please don't come to any meets until you have your living situation under control. I have no idea why you are upset for not being allowed to come to meet ups when you could have infected your comm members with insects. I know several girls who have asthma in the comm, including myself, and if the infestation is that bad, you could induce someone to have an asthma attack.

>>8946122
This. It took a lot of courage and consideration for your comm to even mention you have a pest probelm. I remember I went to a friend's house once, he didn't tell me he had bed bugs, and I ended up infecting my whole house. I'm glad that you don't have bed bugs since that's a bitch to take care of, but fuck. Biting roaches sound scary as hell

>>8946141
That isn't even physically possible, I've never joined a comm before and I'm new to lolita so I don't have any pictures around. It's 500+ people, so I'm probably the lesser ita if I was anyway.

>>8946242
Wait are you saying you don't have any photos of you in Lolita? Perhaps that's the reason why they won't add you.

>>8946242
I think you just hit the nail on the head. You don't have any pictures of you in lolita. Many comms require proof of you being an actual lolita to join. Why don't you actually wear it once before you join. You don't need a comm before you wear something. Also in a comm with 500+ people there are most likely smaller comms. Just go to some public events, meet some lolitas in person and then you can join through them.

>>8946219
This, seriously. Get your situation under control, and stay the fuck away from meets until then. You know you have this problem, and you're still coming to meets, so I have zero sympathy for you. At this point, you're just being selfish and inconsiderate.

>>8946070
I thought ouji and aristocratic were part of the "spectrum" of lolita and we're allowed to join. She has that all over her profile and her pic could be mistaken for lolita. Her issue partly is she doesn't call what she wears jfashion since she has been doing this since before she heard those terms.

>>8946253
They don't say that you need to have proof of being a lolita to join, only proof if you're a guy. Also, if this was the case, the least one of the admins could do is message me back with a concrete no or asking for proof.
>>8946299
I do wear it out, I just have no pictures and know absolutely no one else who wears lolita. Most public events in my area with lolitas that I know of are at conventions and I'm always cosplaying at them and it would be rude of me to go to a lolita event not in lolita.

>>8946316
Oops, I meant >>8946255

>>8946316
I don't know which comm you're talking about, but I'm a mod for my local comm and what we tend to look for is how long the person has been on fb, if they have photos of themselves and if they're into lolita. If they aren't, we'll message them to see what they say about themselves, maybe wait a few days or try another mod? I know that certain fb settings will put the messages into a separate folder and if they're on mobile a lot they more than likely won't see it. I'd say try another mod or wait it out, sorry to see you're having trouble with joining a comm, it shouldn't be made difficult.

>>8946363
I knew about the message thing, but I was just hoping that another mod would have that setting turned off since they're a mod and I'd assume they'd get messages about people joining often enough. Guess I'll try for a third and hope. Thank you, sweet anon!

>>8945780
Apparently not. And matinence was a joke. The matinence guy was twice my age (44) and hit on me all the fucking time. So much, and in such a way, when my ac broke i didnt report it and i just stuck out the summer heat without one because i was afraid to have him come over when i was home alone, and he couldn't come in unless i was home because i have a dog who does not like strangers unless i am around. Anyways, there are many many reasons i dont live there any more, those just being a few of them.

>>8946000
What kind of comm won't let one of its members vouch for someone? Or bring them as a guest? What "usual issues" are they trying to prevent, growing their numbers?

>>8946072
Well, that's a bit of the problem. She's very good about learning through example, but she's also known to dig in her heels and press an issue when hit with actual negativity... so if someone posts her to an ita thread and she gets wind of it, the neko ears may never come off.

>>8946431
Pedophiles, dangerous people I guess? But she is so tiny and they've met her at a few events. It isn't all meets, but if they say only comm members then we can't go. I'll try messaging her(the mod in charge of adding people) myself and ask, maybe she just forgot to approve it or wasn't sure? People do get busy and I like to have faith in my comm.

There is a girl in my comm who is obsessed with losing weight when she is already pretty thin, and it's gotten to the point where I'm afraid she might develop an eating disorder. Is it ever appropriate to intervene in this kind of situation? Or should I just mind my own business?

I might be moving to Luxembourg this summer, is there any sort of comm-like activity within the country or would I have to go to Belgium/Germany for anything?

>>8947509
>Is it ever appropriate to intervene in this kind of situation?
Are you close with her? If not
>should I just mind my own business

>>8947509
First of all, listen to >>8947534 second, what do you mean by pretty thin? Pretty thin means a lot of different things to different people and if the girl could still lose 10lb and not be a spooky skeleton then there's nothing to worry about.

>>8947534
I am not, which is why I wanted to ask - i figured I should probably do nothing

>>8947537
The problem is she isn't just trying to lose 10lbs or so, she's trying to lose a TON of weight and I can't see how she could without becoming a spooky skeleton

>>8947509
>>8947562

I totally get why you'd be concerned anon, but I think you shouldn't worry too much unless this girl actually does develop an eating disorder. Hopefully she has people she's close with who would steer her in the right direction if that were to happen tho

speaking of weight loss, so many girls in my comm won't shut up about it. It's great that you want to lose weight but I really don't need to hear about it constantly

This might be a weird observation but I feel like birthday meets have a negative influence on my comm.

I don't know I just don't like them. I always try to go to the meets but I've been to too many where the birthday girl is obviously disappointed by the turn-out. I've been invited to more that were canceled do to lack of interest than meets that actually happened. I think in a lot of cases they just don't want to buy a present or they'll flake when other people drop out.So many people seem bail at the very last-minute too. It sucks to see a friend buy supplies and decorate or reserve a nice place only for four people to show up. It seems that whoever organizes one and has a bad experience distance themselves a bit from the comm afterward. And when only close friends are invited it splits some groups apart.

>>8947573

Girls in my comm don't even talk about losing weight, they talk about how much they've gained that they can't fit into even half-shirred AP anymore. It's so embarrassing. Why would you tell a whole group of people you can't fit into dresses? It's like they're showing off but it's nothing they should be proud of.

>>8947605
Because you're insecure and you feel like if you say it out loud you have ownership over the fact and maybe find some validation from other people in the same situation. It's like you didn't go thru high school or something.

>>8947617

But at a meetup? How is that good conversation? I feel like it's something you commiserate over in private with closer friends, not just anyone who shows up to a meet. Unless the whole group who showed up to the meet is plus size, it's just very cringey for people to talk about their size. It seems like they're either fishing for sympathy. Same for when people talk about how much money they do or don't have.

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>>8947575
Well Anon, for me it's the other way around.

>comm started to have birthday meet ups
>always see pictures of them on the comm page
>see the discussion on the WhatsApp comm group
>they're always having fun, going out for food or sweets and getting closer to each other
>mfw I'm not invited to a single one of them

They're not exactly private, they post the pictures all over the comm page and talk about it on our forums,and usually there are about 7-10 comm members present. But somehow I'm not close to any of them appareantly to be invited, ever. And I've been in the comm for almost 2 years, and regularly attend meet ups...
>mfw

>>8947632
Yeah, there is that issue too, I implied that with the last line. My comm doesn't like to admit it but it has a clique problem. There are a small number of members that do have successful birthday meet-ups but I'm not invited to those either despite knowing some of the girls for years. They know lots of people in the comm and they don't live nearby so I don't hold it against them.

The birthday meets that fail are usually those of people not entirely in the 'in-group' but those of popular girls fail as well. I've been to birthday meets with only five girls present including tag-along siblings. After one particularly painful meet-up for one girl who had put in so many effort only to have so many people cancel a few hours before the meet I can't bring myself not to go anymore even when it's inconvenient.

>>8947575
>when only close friends are invited
Why the f would anyone invite a bunch of randos to their birthday party? It just seems like a grab for presents and attention.

>>8948001
Something I've noticed about these threads and people in lolita comms that I've met over the years, they seem to genuinely think that they're bestest buddies with the other 50-200 people in their comm. One interaction on FB or at a meet and you are officially SUPER CLOSE!

We have one girl who tried to host a birthday meet for herself, but only a few friends RSVP'd (and one flake who will RSVP to every meet and never show up). She got upset and moved it to another date, thinking there was a conflict. Maybe one more person RSVP'd, so she cancelled it, and told someone that she felt "excluded" that more members didn't click attending. She thought we were all *friends* after all.

Hardly anyone knew her. She'd been in the comm a maximum of six months. And even if she'd been in there longer, I know I'm not the only one who doesn't attend birthday meets on principle. Unless I know and like you pretty well, and am willing to invite you around to my house for non-lolita hangs, I feel a bit weird attending your birthday or vice versa.

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>>8947646
If its the comm itself is having meetups and its discussed in comm forums then they probably assume everyone knows its open invite.
Or maybe they're just close to each other and want to hang out without making it a huge event.
You should bring it up to your mods.

Has anyone had to draw the line with a comm member to get them to back off?
I like to keep certain aspects of my life private, and I like to keep my different areas of interest separate. For example, I never add my coworkers on facebook. I don't like the idea of them knowing what I'm like outside of work. Same goes for lolita.
The person I'm having trouble with is on average, great. But he gets really clingy and is high maintenance which is a huge no for me. I've put up with it until he got really needy and started messaging me all day every day, calling me every night, tagging me in so much crap that my Facebook looked like his second wall. The last straw was when he was being exceptionally clingy at a meet, and got sassy with me for leaving to use the bathroom. Then he started butting into all the conversations I was having with the other attendees, and followed me around. I tried to be mindful of his feelings, and thought maybe a low key break from him would help shake the cabin fever. It seemed like everything was going okay, until it started happening again. I was starting to feel claustrophobic and didn't want to blow up on him. So I decided to try to and distance myself by hanging out with other members from the comm instead, and that went horribly. Apparently, I inadvertently made him feel excluded because I was tagged in a picture of a private get together that was invite only. Even though he's not friends with them, he still got upset that I didn't inform him I was invited or that I was going. I felt like it wasn't necessary since it's my life? Now he's going on a rampage, saying he's going to leave lolita, and that he hates elitism, cliques, etc. He even posted about it on the comm page and asked if anyone would be interested in buying his wardrobe.
I can't help but feel that he's being overly dramatic, and it frustrates me that he's trying to guilt trip me for doing my own thing. What should I do? Am I a bitch but I just can't see it?

>>8948089
Ignore him. He's definitely being overly dramatic and way too fucking clingy. Just because you're his friend doesn't mean you have to be attached at the hip.

I'm interested in starting a comm in my town, but I'm unsure how to go about things for rules/who to allow. It's a pretty small city, but apparently there is a few of us in the city and surrounding area. Plus, a few of the girls in the bigger com said they'd join and be interested in meets.

>>8948089
Nope, definitely being way too overdramatic and clingy as fuck. His behavior is bordering obsessive. If you guys were good friends that's one thing, but all this stuff is very onesided, and he can't take a hint to at least slow down and let things develop on their own. Other anon is right, even if you guys are friends or just friendly with each other, you don't need to be attached at the hip. I'm not exactly sure either what you should do besides just ignore him or explain to him how you feel, but if things get drastic and it starts turning into harassment then I would bring it up with the group mods.

>>8948252
How far away are the other nearby comms? If it's over an hour, I don't see anything wrong with starting one especially if you already have people in the area who are interested. For rules, perhaps look at the bigger comm's rules and see what theirs are like and then modify to what you believe you need.

As for who to allow, just keep it simple - people who are interested in lolita fashion. No curious onlookers who only want to see the zoo, no fetishists (not that I think you'd let them join anyway), no randos who live in a galaxy far far away, etc. I think the best way to get people who are seriously interested in the fashion, and also the best way to *screen* people, is to create a small questionnaire for people to message a group admin when they send a request to join. My comm had some random-ass cosplayer who didn't even understand the premise of the group join and now we have a questionnaire. It just has a few questions like why are you interested in joining the group, do you wear the fashion, where are you located, and did you read/do you agree to the rules. These types of questions should be enough to figure out if the person trying to join has a legitimate interest or not. (Not that there won't be oddballs that slip through the cracks, but you know what I mean)

unrelated but goddamn I just had to solve like 5 or 6 captchas in a row, what the hell

>>8948280

The one I'm apart of is about 2 1/2 hours away, and another one is about 4 hours away.

Thanks for the ideas!!

>>8948129
>>8948265
Apparently he thought our friendship was like blood brothers/sisters/whatever status. Do everything together, no secrets between us ever, hate the same people, own the same prints, etc. I'm really not intetested in having a friend like that, I'm far too old and have already established my inner circle. I feel bad because I've tried to make it obvious that he's my good friend in lolita but not in general. He tags me as his "best friend", I respond with "lolita bffs" with lots of emojis to keep the tone light. But I guess being passive aggressive won't work on this guy. I tried to explain myself and how I'm a private person, he just said "ok" and then ran to the Internet to post sad pity party bait everywhere. Trying really hard to not step on a bear trap. Maybe I'll find the courage to tell him he smothers me, someday. I'll probably just ignore the issue until it goes away t b h because I am shit at confrontation.

>>8947575
>>8947646
Do these comms meet regularly? Why not just celebrate everyone's birthday that happened since the last con, with something small that the group gets and gives to everyone. Sing happy birthday and give them a special cake to share. Something like that. Close friends can give them gifts privately and/or go out afterwards for something special on their own if they want.

>>8948354

Personally, I feel like birthday meets should still just be "let's go for dinner / treats and hang out!" without having to do gifts or something. It's enough to celebrate by going somewhere and having good company. But the idea of doing it even quarterly would be a fair policy and would at least be a regular meet (and maybe an excuse to wear a fancier outfit).

The idea of pitching in on a cake is nice, but I feel like that's too much to ask out of a lot of comms because it involves everyone who's attending to put in a little money. Sounds easy, but in a situation where attendance might fluctuate greatly, it doesn't seem like it would be a guarantee unless the mods did it or there was a community budget for that type of thing. It seems more feasible in a small group than what I imagine to be larger groups like lolita comms are.

Unrelated to birthday meets, but does anyone's comm have regularly scheduled meets? Is there at least one meet a month? Are there any annual meets? In my comm the meets are just what people decide to host and it's all over the place, so I'm curious if other groups have more structure.

>>8946431
Our comm has had people vouch for a sissy fetishist and a furry looking for a lolita girlfriend. I don't trust people's word anymore...

>>8947575
>tfw I've never had a birthday party and never will because I have such a bizarre, deeply ingrained fear of disappointment.

I mean, I'll force myself to not even get excited about a good meal, let alone a party.

>>8948450
Please tell me how to do this? I'm so tired of being disappointed... but I don't know how to not get excited..

>>8948450
Been there.

>>8948344
>I'm far too old and have already established my inner circle.
Look, I'm not saying you're wrong or anything, and if I were in your situation I would probably feel the same because I can be pretty cagey around new people, but comments like this are upsetting to hear even though they are true.

I'm trying to join my local comm that has like 300+ members in hopes I could make friends. Like good friends. I don't have any and have been trying desperately for years to keep someone in my life but they all fucking die or disappear into another world.
Sorry for the sob story but the older I get the more discouraging everything becomes. I love the clothes and will wear them regardless of if I make a friend or not but I would like to make a friend.

Not just some shallow shit like I already have.

If everyone already has an inner circle, how do I get one if it isn't through a hobby?
How does that kid make friends any other way if he's already exhausted the other options for making friends like going to college or having a job where you just happen to meet someone who has common interests.
If his main interest is lolita - well shit, where else would you try to make friends?
There's no more room in your fucking inner circle or you just need to compartmentalize your friends?

>He even posted about it on the comm page and asked if anyone would be interested in buying his wardrobe.
what does he have? I'm trying to fill my closet.

>>8948370
My comm has at least one big meet a month, unless the weather is shit and it has to be cancelled last minute. There's an annual "getting to know you" meet after con season, to get to know all the new lolitas, because there's always an influx at the end of con season. There's also usually a yearly swap meet, but that happens at any point in summer, rather than a specific month or day. There's also usually at least one really big fancy tea meet in spring.

Otherwise, anyone can host, and frequently happens that way. Last meet was a karaoke and dinner meet, I think. And there have been a few art museum meets in recent months when travelling exhibitions came through.

>>8948461
>what does he have? I'm trying to fill my closet.
kek

I feel you on the other points of the post, but that guy doesn't seem to be trying to make friends, so much as he's decided that she's his number one BFF unto eternity.

It can be really unsettling when the other half of a relationship feels more strongly than you do about it. Especially in the case of a friendship where you'd like some room to breathe, or don't know the person as well as they seem to think they know you.

TL;DR: some people just come on too damn strong.

>>8948001
I phrased that poorly. Even if you are good friends with someone you won't get invited if your not not in their inner circle. So girls that have known each other for years and get along swimmingly won't be invited when because the birthdays of their friends are "clique only".

>>8948461
I guess you and I are looking for two different things with our hobby. I'm not interested in making super tight best friends, I'd rather know them well but keep it casual. I hope you can find the kind of friend you're looking for though!

>>8948464
This.

>>8948461
I feel you on this anon. All my friendships except one seem to be situational and fleeting. My old best friend and I had a huge blowup because she's so fucking awful with money. We'd been planning a trip together for six months and she ended up borrowing $300 from me for the flights and hotel, and only had like $20 spending money a day.
>mfw we go to a concert at a famous place and after she asks if we can eat 7/11 sandwiches for dinner
>end up buying us nice dinner at a reasonably priced Korean place just so that it doesn't suck
>then she wants to walk 40 minutes to a bus rather than pay for a taxi, because I paid for the taxi on the way in

Sorry for the OT rant.

I'm desperately trying to make it to meets and find friends through lolita. I've seemed to make some connections, but I've only been to three meets so far.

Two other people are turning into potential friends, but one is a gay dramawhore and the other is always posting knockoff designer handbags and going to 'modelling photoshoots' in tacky clothing. I doubt they'll end up as close friends of mine. Another girl I've been talking with is a harmless gull which is lovely. Through her I know that we're probably the only two comm members on cgl though, which means I have to be careful about what I post.

>>8948370
>>8948354
If people don't want to pitch in on a store-bought cake there could be like a baked sweets potluck, maybe

>>8948493
Thanks! I often worry that most people over the age of 18 are like you, though. Not looking for real friends, but what, people to talk about dresses with?

If nothing else I guess I'll meet people who totally understand taking selfies and will take pictures of my coord for me, as I would for them.

Maybe I'll meet people at a con...

>>8948511
>All my friendships except one seem to be situational and fleeting.
This. I had a group of friends but now they're like moving to China and Michigan and they're just gonna be random normies I see on a facebook feed and none of then give a shit about lolita.
And then I guess I can have some phoney lolita friends who don't give a shit about my personal life.

>>8946774
Maybe she shouldn't go to a meet up where there WILL be people judging her. It would be the thing a friend that cares about her would do.

>>8948089
Sounds like he's trying to isolate you so that you'll be his gosrori animu lover when you finally fall into a depression and turn to him for sexual healing.
Really though, he just wants to get in your pants.

>>8948370
I really wish my comm had monthly meets. Practically all of our meetups are either small private ones or 15 minute photoshoots at anime cons that have no other lolita content.
>need to be personally invited to attend tea parties
>they won't invite anyone they don't know
>"getting to know" apparently requires IRL interaction, not online
>don't get the chance to get to know anyone because I'm never invited to anything
for fucks sake

I try to be interactive on the comm page but it's pretty inactive so I worry that if I post too much I'll start to annoy people.

>>8948461
I've been in my community for a couple of years now and made some great friends. So go for it! Might take a little time to go from going to meet ups to comm 'friends' to meeting up outside of meets just doing normal friend activities.

I'm moving up to Albany, New York from South Carolina in about 20 days. What are the cosplay and lolita communities like? Are there any faceboo groups or pages? Any big events? Sorry for all the questions. I've never left my hometown before and I'm very nervous about moving so far away without knowing anyone.

>>8948580
This sounds less like a comm and more like a group of friends who already knew each other, doing their own thing. That really sucks. There have to be others in the same boat...can you get ahold of them?


>>8948418
Wow, well, vouching for someone means you put your own reputation at stake. So the solution is to hold them accountable for recommending schmucks. Throw them out along with their sissy furries they vouched for. That will up the quality of recommendations going forward.

>>8948370
I'm starting to think most of these problems people have with comms could be ameliorated by running them like membership clubs. Apply, be accepted, pay a small monthly or annual due to cover the costs of tea parties and whatever else (like birthday cakes), and throw out anyone who doesn't comply. Run them like a typical parliamentary body, with an annual or semi-annual meeting, elections for leaders, etc. It's a little more work but might solve all the bickering/butthurt that comes about from people blowing off meets, or claiming they're never invited, etc.

>>8948885
I've run into lolitas who also aren't in the "in-crowd" at some events before and when the topic of the local comm came up, they said our comm has a reputation for being really cliquey and elitist. Then again, all these girls I've talked to were pretty ita (Miku wigs, cat ears, character cosplay lolita, etc.) so I'm not sure what to believe. It's just as likely that someone from the comm told them that Sasuke maid lolita wasn't a good idea and now they've got a vendetta against the evil elitist brandwhores or something.

I'm considering just organizing my own casual meetup in my city and seeing who shows up but I'm pretty sure nobody would attend since, you know, nobody knows me. Argh!

>>8946219
Cockroaches=asthma attack?
How???

My first experience with cliques in my comm was getting close to three girls only to be dropped like a hot potato when friends who had taken a break from lolita returned. From being invited to their birthday meets and talks about sleep-overs to not even being invited to sit at their table at a tea-party a few months later. It's not like I don't get along with their friends either. They just knew each other longer so I was an outsider.

>>8948921
Cockroach debris plays into allergic reactions and is light enough to be breathed in, like dust mites. Even if you aren't allergic, breathing in the little bits that cockroaches tend to leave can irritate someone's breathing tubes, and thus can trigger an asthma attack with ease.

But this is more or less breathing in places with active cockroach activity, not so much if you're outside.

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19KB, 236x338px

>>8948947
i'm sorry anon the same has happened to me. tfw you will never have lolita bffs

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Their Facebook page is terrifying. It includes a picture of their crotch with the caption "first time wearing women's panties."

>>8948950
if cockroaches are biting her that means they are also crawling all over them, their clothes, and their bed hence >>8946219 concern

>>8948989
>cant afford hrt
>wearing lolita and other fashions with semi-expensive clothing

>>8948885

My experience with clubs is in anime clubs from my university days, so for me the lack of organizational structure (or at least a transparent one) in larger lolita comms is problematic. For a small comm I really think it can be more consensus and lack some structure, but once you've got hundreds of members, it would be nice to have a clearer idea about leadership and scheduled meets. I wouldn't mind paying a small fee / dues that would go towards event spaces, but I also have no problem just paying a few bucks at that meet (an event charge vs. dues).

I wish my comm would at least have a quarterly meet, maybe something people could plan far, far in advance (like people know, hey, every spring is tea party, ever summer is swap meet, every fall is halloween, etc) so at least if no one else organizes then there's a meet.

We have plenty of people organizing meets, and there's a few in our schedule for spring, but none of them have more than 10 people going and that number dwindles the closer it gets to an event. I don't know if the comm is just dying or if there are secret meets or what is going on beyond people being busy with school? But the comm isn't entirely made up of students.

>>8949000
They don't actually wear lolita, they mostly just spam posts (sales or otherwise) saying that they want x item but can't afford it because they need the money for "transitioning". Judging by the various caps of their posts that were posted here in the past few days, I highly doubt they're actually trans. Probably just another sissy claiming to be mtf just so they can cry transphobia if someone were to call them out on their behavior.

>>8948989
I saw this too. I know this person has been floating around other places in the lolita community online...from what I've heard there's nothing good about them. They make senseless posts and always have to mention one of their special snowflake badges. I'm wondering if they are just hunting for comms cause they are getting kicked out of others or this is a troll.

>>8946080
I don't know if you are still in this thread but I suggest Food grade Diatomaceous Earth, it's pretty cheap on amazon and you can buy the puffers too.. I would go around all the cracks and openings in the apartment/outlets/etc especially in kitchen and bathroom and front door/windows

Whether it's fleas/bedbugs/roaches the D.earth kills them by causing small cuts and drying them out. It's safe for pets and even for human consumption

This thread makes me want to fly my drone over the Sf meets and drop a payload of bedbugs on you witch hunting vags lol.

>>8948525
I'm well over the age of 18 dear, but I remember when I was 20 I really wanted a lolita BFF turned real bff. Someone that would want to do sleep overs, share wardrobes, dress up just the two of us and go out together looking cute. Unfortunately I was the only one who was under 25 in my comm at that time, and all the other members were already established friends. Hopefully your comm is more diverse? Now that I'm in the 25+ club, I can understand their response. I don't mind helping the younger ones, but I'm afraid we don't have much in common with that decade age difference

>>8948533
I thought about that! Even my boyfriend was concerned. Without revealing too much, let's just say I know I'm not his type. I do feel like he's trying to isolate me, though perhaps it's for different reasons. I think he doesn't want me to get close with anyone because he's worried he'll be replaced?

>>8948989
Who the fuck says that they're kinky in an introduction? That's just creepy.

>>8949043
That's assuming your clingy friend isn't completely deluded.
>"she's my bestest friend in the whole wide world!"
Yeah, he might know on a level that his tactics aren't working, but he's probably young and dumb enough to think you /might/ go for him. He's also probably doing this to other women in his life, regardless of whether or not thier his 'type'.

>>8949043
Honestly, I just want someone I can always talk to about stuff. Like someone I can text while I'm at work or on my way home and we can just hang out whenever without it being an issue or some kind of inconvenience.

Update on me trying to join my local comm. I'm a fucking retard when it comes to Facebook, found another lolita group and it turns out its the ita group, so of course they quickly let me join.
Now if I could actually get into the meet up group.

>>8949065
That could explain why he's no longer friends with this other girl from our comm. I don't know if their friendship went to obsessive levels, but I do now that they had a falling out similar to Mean Girls. He got protective about an item rather than person saying that it was his thing to wear it that way, even though it's widely known. They fought, they "broke up," and then he clung onto me even harder.

>>8949068
I hope you find the friend you're looking for, anon. I really do.

>>8949068
Wow you are an asshole and don't deserve a comm. You were bitching that they weren't letting you in. You say you just want someone to hang out with and text, a friend. Then you get accepted and don't even give those girls a chance. Ita comms don't only have itas. I bet most of those girls are much better than you anyway. Plz go drown in your salt.

>>8949068
>>8949082

Also to add, often the people in an ita and regular comms overlap. You could have made some good connections or friends there. I hope you stay lonely and friendless for being so judgemental.

>>8949082
Yeah this. Plus if your going into a comm with that mentality your not going to win many people over.

>>8949082
I didn't say I wasn't going to be friends with them?
I just want to go to actual meet ups.
Its hard to explain without giving away where I live, but one was called (my town) lolita meet ups and the other is just (my town) lolitas, so I joined the second one and it's not for meet ups and it looks like this group broke off from the bigger comm... their page is a cluster fuck too. And I guess they're like constantly making new groups cause it looks like the mod of that comm just spams the front page with new groups she's made...

Idk it's weird and I just want to meet real lolitas, not people pretending on the internet.

>>8949096
Ah I see. I wish you good luck with joining the main comm. Don't give up!

>>8948989
don't wanna nitpick, but was this on a local comm facebook? if no, then there's another thread for it (where there's also more cringe about the same person).
that said, please ban that shit from every lolita comm ever

>>8947511
still wondering about Luxembourg lolitas, I don't want to be all alone come August

>>8949068
>>8949082
I was like you and really wanted a lolita friend turned real friend. I was very lonely, had no one to talk to about J-fashion, until someone finally took the time to include me and talk to me. She is not a well-dressed lolita. She makes interesting coord choices, usually ones I wouldn't make. But do you know what? I don't care. She is the kindest person, and we have tons in common. Even outside of lolita. She makes sure to invite me to everything the comm does so we could go together, and even introduced me to other lolitas. The other lolitas like her not because she is the best dressed, but because she is really kind and a good friend. Now I finally have someone to talk to about lolita, and things we buy, and anime boys.

I used to feel the same way you did with only wanting like the coolest lolita friend, but in reality, don't judge friendship by coords. I'm not being harsh like the other anons here, but seriously. There's some truth in their salty words.

>>8949096
Ah I see. I was thinking of my location which has many Lolitas and comms. That does sound kind of bad. I apologize for previous salt. The only other advice I can offer is try to host your own meetup? It's pretty scary at first but it seems like the only chance to actually meet people at this point. Good luck!

Does anyone else really love hosting meets? It's honestly one of my favourite things to do, I just really enjoy being a hostess and making sure everyone is having a great time.

>>8949178
Not to mention she could get better in coordinating if she had a good friend to bounce ideas off of! Not that you should take it upon yourself to give concrit unless asked or if your relationship gets to that level.

I don't care how shallow it sounds, I want a lolita best friend who is the same size as me. I'm not skinny, but I'm not obese. I wish I had a friend that I could twin with, but all of my friends are either ridiculously skinny or need full shirred things.
>forever looking for my lolita bestie

>>8949219
I do! I find the usual tea parties a tad boring and I don't want to spend a stupid amount of money on tea and sweets just to be hungry soon. I love thinking up new ideas for meets where we actually do an activity and then tea or food. I think those kinds of meet are good for making new friends rather than tea parties where everyone just stays in their circles.

I have a meet this saturday yet I am the comms ita, I lack ability to work out colours that are cohesive, would you say a wine and black coord with white accents would work?

I'd not go to the meet but I'd be on a warning from the comm for flaking out

>>8949526
Wow that sounds like a strict comm! Since you use cgl, why not utilize the coord help thread to double check your color balance and whatever? You don't have to be the comm ita!
It would also help if we could see what you're trying to put together. The colors sounds cohesive but I can't tell if it will work unless I see what you have

>>8949532
Eh if it requires money it isn't that strict. Lolita's are bad with flaking.

>>8949526
Seconding the other anon, we'll help you!

>>8949532
>>8949543
Thanks I have pictures somewhere of everything I'll try make a collage... I'm working with very limited resources and am also not the most brand friendly of sizings (My waist is 5cm smaller than my bust, and im female. Its hell)
I'll head on over to the thread~

>>8949538
It's going for a meal so pay when you're there! its a recent rule they brought in because we're quite a big comm

>>8949546
you are either really thin or really fat to have that measurement

>>8949567
What? Just because her waist is smaller than her bust?
My waist is 10cm smaller than my bust.
Hourglass figure, and I'm hardly overweight.

>>8949571
no, because of the difference in the measurement is only 5cm

>>8949572
what if she just has no tits anon? some girls are shaped like 12 year old boys.

>>8949567
Im fat with no tits.
Its really shitty

>>8949583
I was right

see

>>8949600

>>8949196
You're cool. I feel bad for calling them itas, as I don't know if they're just starting out or not. I did think about joining them and helping them out, with what I do know but I've read horror stories and both of the comms have a blurb on their page about how lolita can be whatever you want... which I automatically don't agree with.

So I don't know. I'll still try.

>>8949600
Me too anon, me too. And I have broad shoulders.

Whats the story onOP's pic?
She got too salty and hit everyone with a parasol?

>>8949680
Broad-Chan!
XD

>>8949048
You transphobic kinkshamer! You should be ashamed!

>/sarcasm

I agree with >>8949014
>Probably just another sissy claiming to be mtf just so they can cry transphobia if someone were to call them out on their behavior.

>>8949686
This literally gets asked everytime the picture is posted. Achieves my friend.

>>8950105
>Achieves
Wow phone.. I meant archives obviously

>>8949219
i want to host, and do so at a particular restaurant, but i could not afford to be stuck with a bill for an underpaid meal. i do not know my comm members well enough to know how common it is for people to not pay what they owe, but i am worried it will happen and that as host i will be expected to pick up the slack.

i am also quite anxious in general and may never bring my cool meetup ideas into the real world anyway.

i am glad people like you exist, anon.

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Is there anyone in your comm you wish you could escort out of Lolita?

>>8950147
a member of my local comm is a bitch on cgl who constantly talks shit but I have no idea how/when to call them out.
they pretend to be sweet at meets and in our facebook group to save face, but they've shit on a lot of genuinely nice people in our comm.

>>8950143
>
I tend to find if I've gone to a meet up meal with regular comm members the bill always works out fine. Now when I've gone to one with a lot of teenage or weird ita types there's ALWAYS been a problem. There always seems to be at least one who will go oh I've only got X amount, when their meal came to more.

>>8950159
I don't understand why people do this. Like, you looked at the menu and ordered something that was $25, why would you do that if you only had $15. Just because it's a group doesn't mean everyone else should have to pick up your slack; if you did that alone by yourself you'd get in a lot of shit with the restaurant. This is the equivalent of going to Target and saying you want to buy these clothes that say X dollars but you only have Y. They wouldn't let you even buy them.

>>8950166
>Just because it's a group doesn't mean everyone else should have to pick up your slack
That's what they expect, though. My experience has been that the girls who pull this are the same ones who ask for unreasonably long payment plans, discounts, or comment that they have no money/hint that you should just give them what you're selling.

Many of them are young, sheltered, and accustomed to either their parents or boyfriends covering their expenses.

>>8950151
Which comm is this? Is it a California comm? Sounds like someone in my comm

>>8950172
yes it's a CA comm, and norcal or socal? my comm is norcal.

>>8949526
no one can ever cancel ever? Is that the rule?

>>8950151
how do you know it's them when we're all anon?

>>8950196
because they bragged about talking shit and negatively posting girls from our comm here on their private twitter

>>8950143
Do what I did with perfect strangers (read as spergy drunks), call each and everyone out and then talk to your waiter to weed out any other non payers. Most of the time it's a misunderstanding, and I've never left a meet like this without a heap of leftover for a tip, and at least one broken glass/mild injury.

>>8950175
Bay or Valley?

>>8950205
bay and they haven't been banned from our comm. are you comfortable with posting their initials?

>>8950199
Why not just cap their tweets and send them to a mod?

>>8950213
i unfollowed her without screencapping anything because i thought she'd stop once she realized that no one would pay attention to her edgelord antics, but the opposite happened. she is still acts like a 13 year old edgelord.

>>8950171
Even when I was really young I would never have even contemplated doing this kind of thing. It shows a real entitlement and disrespect for other people and their money. Even in a mistake I would have never forgiven myself. People like that shouldn't be in the comm, because it's a community to spend time with, not leech off of

>sick of boring food
>want to invite comm out to expensive degustation restaurant
>know that most lolitas are cheap about everything except clothes

I'm sick of the same two desert cafes and cheese platters, gulls.

>>8950209
Now I'm curious.

>>8949020
Reasonable.

My comm just added an application survey for the Facebook group and I'm really curious about how it will play out. They say it is to reduce the number of spammers and creeps but to my knowledge the comm has never really had an issue with those in the past.

>>8950294
Find a nice local cafe full of old women to have a meet at. Put the cheese platter down for good.

>>8950294
I personally wouldn't pay more than $40 at a lolita dinner meetup.
It's not because I'm cheap or anything, I would just prefer to go someplace ultra expensive with my boyfriend so I could be a bit more relaxed about the experience. As opposed to worrying about my brand and having to chat it up with 10 other girls at a time. High tea is always the go-to for fancier meal themes, imo.

You do you though, anon.

>>8950820
well, just because you haven't seen them doesn't mean they're an issue - I imagine the admins have been able to stop them when they request to join. it's just annoying running a group when you get 20 requests to join and 18 of them are spammers/weirdos and only 2 are legitimate. granted, some of them may click "join" anyways, but it's much easier screen people when you've only gotten applications from 2 people and the rest you can just delete straight away.

>>8950833
not that anon, but $40 is still considered expensive to some people, sounds like this is the case if all they do is go to desert cafes and eat cheese platters.

>>8950294
you probably won't be able to go anywhere like a degustation restaurant right off the bat, but maybe you could start introducing more expensive dinner/lunch meets at places with like $20-30 bills or even afternoon tea, which in my city typically runs between $35-50 depending on where you go or which menu option you order. bitches like tea and people may be more inclined to splurge on something they consider nice/fancy like that? surely there's at least one other person who also is sick of the same cheap places though.

>>8950209
Spill it anon.

>>8950143
Make it very clear that everyone pays separately and notify the restaurant ahead of time that you will all be doing so that way no one can squirm out on the bill.
Post the restaurant menu ahead of time so people don't get sticker shock by prices.
If someone goes and can't pay, well, looks like its their problem and the restaurant can deal with them accordingly.
Hope they find dishwashing kawaii!

I know Japan doesn't really have comms, but I was curious, what kinds of things do lolitas do with their friends? Do they also just do tea and stuff?

>>8950143
Always ask for the waiter to separate your checks. If there's a large enough group, they'll even add the gratuity so you don't have to worry about someone not putting in a tip either.

>>8951158
Tea, shopping trips, museum visits and such too.

>>8949156
>don't wanna nitpick
but you're gonna power through it anyway

>comm keeps planning picnic potluck meets
>most of the girls in the comm are on food stamps and can't hold down steady jobs because they can't drive
>they complain if a meet costs more than $5 for the gas to get there in a carpool in some poor sod's borrowed car
>Everyone brings dishes but nobody fucking brings plates or utensils so everyone awkwardly eats off of napkins
>I just want to sit in a chair in a dining establishment and not a blanket in the middle of a field of wet grass
>but if someone suggests going to a restaurant it's like they just suggested we burn our brand
>if the meet makes it past the planning stages only like three people show up unless it's an ILD meet
>or worse, it turns out they're actually planning a lolita pub crawl
>thusly the cycle of shitty free-to-attend picnic meets in public parks continues.

Lol KC and STL comms just banned some girl and her friend for stealing shit.

>>8951508
>>8951508
deets

>>8951510
Pretty much the girl and her friend went to a con and stole a bunch of shit from a well known lolita store, lied about it, and then complained when she was banned. But I guess KC has had trouble with her for a long time and STL is their sister comm and she goes to STL cons too, so she got booted out of that one too. I'm sure Chicago knows what's up too. Apparently IL/MO comms don't fuck around.

>>8951516
i think she got banned in a few other MO groups too, and i think OK considered it too

>>8951516
Is this the chick that stole shit from Lolita Collective's booth?

Real talk though the STL comm is a fucking trainwreck, mostly just itas and a few girls who seem to just hangout with each other on their own time. I'm sure it's pretty common for comms to be bad, but goddamn this poor community is in ruins.

>>8951527
Yeah. Eyebrows McGee. She's pretty salty about being banned I've heard but I don't have her added to see what she's posting.

>>8951534
Well, I'm happy hear she's getting her comeuppance. I thought it was hilarious when people called her out on CoF and I thought she should've been banned from the convention when I heard what she did (I think they only banned her from the dealer's room or something) so nice to hear 2 comms have banned her.

>>8951531
They are having a fashion show at the upcoming con though, right? So someone's got some kind of shit together (I hope).

>>8951508
This is old news and the theives were banned and booted from almost every comm. Most people have no tolerance for comm thieves, they stole from both a booth and the swap meet. Idk if she and her partner in crime are still salty, but I assume so. We don't have any mutual friends (no accident there either) and the people I know have pretty much just let it go and are satisfied since the banhammer was very swift and steady. As it should be for this kind of shit.

>>8951527
you have to be retarded regardless to get caught stealing from con vendor booths

>>8951021
Waiting for the other anon to spill first

>>8950848
$40 is definitely considered expensive. I know I won't get anyone to go with me straight away, but it seems like money is a constant issue. Our Valentines day gifts for anon lolitas were limited to $10/piece which felt... well, let's just say that I don't think anyone got 'nice' gifts.

We're only a small comm, and I totally get that people don't have the luxuries of spare money, but cheese platters and deserts... I posted in a feels thread that I don't like sweet food that much, so when we go to places like that I'm usually limited to like the three savory options; quiche, white bread sandwiches and the entree type of bread that you get.

There's a high tea soon that isn't at the usual place and is, instead, a tad more upscale. I guess I'll see how the prices are received at that, which is in about two weeks.

Even a good 'potluck' style dinner would be a welcome change. Hot, homemade food is better than cheese platters by a marathon.

>>8951498
I wish I'd scrolled a bit more to see this. I feel you, anon. Though at least our comm brings paper plates and plastic cups. I'm >>8951770

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Gulls, what do you do when a comm member annoys the hell out of you but you can't ignore them? My comm is having a meetup soon and I'm dreading it because a girl who joined a few months ago will be coming. We're too small a group to really ignore anyone and I'm a open book when it comes to liking/disliking people.
>Posts her shitty vlogs on the comm page every few days
>Starts every video with a shitty introduction in Japanese
>"Eigo wakarimasu? Oh goody!"
>Can't edit for shit.
>Made a bodyline unboxing video that was 5 minutes of her just trying to get the box open and 2 minutes showing the dress
>Made a "secret" video bashing the comm for daring to give her concrit like "You need a petticoat"
>Posts her handmade dress to the comm page and gets offended when people tell her it's more of a maid costume then lolita.
>Acts like a 13 year old weeb even though she's over 20
>I wish I could post all her antics without outing myself

>>8943846
HAHAHAH Wellington Comm?

>>8951875

Melbourne. You might know her as the singer.

>>8951881
Hah not who I was thinking of then, but I now know the one you're talking about!

>>8951881
Is she the reason why the mods made a post about private meets?

>>8951812
As far as interaction during the meet goes, just try to be polite; being polite doesn't mean being super friendly and totes her new lolita bff, just treat her with basic manners and respect and otherwise leave her to interact with the other girls. Even in a smallish group, she'll most likely have other people to talk to so don't worry too much about her latching onto you.
That said, her behavior online sounds irritating at best and drama-mongering at worst so I suggest keeping an eye on her. She might be just a stubborn, awkward newbie but she could end up causing a stink so you may want to be careful.

>>8951918

Yep. She was really pissed off about that private tea party a while back and was probably one of the seagulls bitching about how elitist it was.

>>8951812
Icy politeness when/if directly addressed by her, ignore otherwise. Chances are you are not the only one who dislikes her based on the behavior you described. Who wants that in their comm?

>>8948989
Havent seen any mtf before who prioritizes a hobby before pills, 100% sure that is a fetishist or a troll of some sad sort.

>>8952148
Pretty sure that's a fetishist. I've never met a trans person who put anything above transitioning. My friends who transitioned put all of their hobbies (buying new consoles, attending meets, etc.) and unnecessary spending on hold to be able to afford their transition.

>>8951498
Do the food stamp girls have brand?
What??

>>8950175
There's someone in Socal like that, but not as bad as yours.

>>8952196

They have Bodyline, but they consider that brand.

How do I find my local comm? any Texans? San Antonio region?

>>8951812
If you hadn't said she only joined a few months ago, I'd have thought you were talking about Chlamydia-chan.

>>8951941
>>8952024
I think I'll go with that approach. It seems that after the first few times she posted and people gave her concrit (which she ignored) they've started to ignore her as well. But they'll always be a few girls that are too nice for their own good.
>>8952404
Ha she actually posts her videos in the comm, like the casual lolita video... but everyone told her it was terrible advise so she ignored us and posted it on her own wall instead to get asspats..

>>8943846
>auckland
What is the comm here like? I wasn't aware there was one.

>>8952286
SA's comm is on Facebook

>>8950218
Can't you just re follow her and find the tweets? Or are they gone

>>8950294
>>8951770
>>8951498

This is why private groups, cliques and secret meets form.
I don't understand buying beautiful elegant clothes then not be willing to also spend the money to go to beautiful, elegant places to wear them.
If cheapie-chans and itas aren't willing to pay the prices to go to nice places, the few in the comm who ARE wanting to, well they will likely gather together and do it.
And there is no reason they shouldn't, either.

So my message to all the cheapie-chans out there is this 'No crying 'elitist', you most likely got yourselves left out because you wouldn't pay up to go somewhere nice when your comm suggested it and you vetoed it and complained.'

>>8952286
San Antonio - SATX

Good kids.

>>8952872
I actually don't understand why you'd want to go to expensive places. I kind of view it as a waste of money. I never veto and complain to my comm, I just sit out on those meets. Now if we are talking about something that's a fun experience like, an amusement park or something, or museum or whatever, I'm down to pay. But pretending to live this rich girl lifestyle, and wasting $$ on food is so boring . I'm not saying go to McDonald's by any means. I just enjoy finding cute smaller cafes that have amazing food, decor and are like $20-30 per meal. To me lolita is a fashion not trying to become a rich girl princess. To each their own though.

>>8953470
I think anon meant both cheaper and more expensive places, as long as they aren't like burger king

>>8952872
This so much!
I don't get it either.

It's an expensive fashion & hobby, if you can afford a Lolita wardrobe you should be able to afford going to a restaurant.
And if the comm announces it in time, 2 or 3 months before the actual event, the members on lower income can save up for it.
Some people have odd priorities though.
If you can't afford gas money even though you carpool (when I carpool I don't just pay for gas, I give a gift to the driver as well), or a decent place to eat (like $20~30 upwards a meal) then maybe this fashion isn't the right choice for you.
I've seen people, nice people, trying to get by on a low(er) income and looking fashionable in expensive clothes was not a priority to them, paying bills and getting by was.

If I can't afford a meet for some reason, I'm not going to ask my comm to change up the plans.
I'd tell them to have fun, and see y'all next time!
It's not like you have to attend every meet you know?
Stupid "cheapie-chans" (I like that word, gonna keep it anon).

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>>8951498
>>thusly the cycle of shitty free-to-attend picnic meets in public parks continues.
Oh Anon, I feel you. I have been to various picnics organised by different people, and they ALL ended up pretty much the same.

>before: Huge debate about weather, if we can actually make a picnic, girls complaining it's too hot/cold/sunny/etc
>often not enough blankets to sit on especially since the dresses take up too much space
>90% of the food people bring are cupcakes, cakes, chocolate, sweets, and even more sweets
>barely any "real" food so after hours of picnic I actually feel even more hungry and am craving acual food that isn't sweets and cold
>people constantly abandon the picnic to take a million pictures, so you never know if someone has an eye on your stuff if you leave
>if you end up on the wrong place, e.g. next to the wrong person, on one of the outer blankets or on the corner you're pretty much excluded from conversation


Always featuring the following:
>girls who bring their bfs, which usually results in the couple not interacting with anyone or the bf awkwardly sitting between the frilly strangers
>the girl who brings their normalfag friend becuase "it's just a picnic, and she wants to be a Loli one day too, you guys!!"
>the one person who always freaks out whenever a tiny insect is approaching them
>NO TOILET or public bathroom nearby
>dozens of normalfags who stare/laugh at you, ask questions and generally are pretty annoying
>normalfags sneaking a million pictures of you and your group despite being told not to
>lots of trash no one is willing to pick up, so the same three girls always have to clean up after everyone else

I think a picnic would be cute in someone's private garden. Where there are no normalfags bothering you, where there's a nice clean bathroom available, the chance to cook and store food... You could even have real plates! And if it's raining, you could always go inside.
But in public parks? Meh.

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>>8953482
My grandma has the prettiest garden in her back yard I wish I could have a cute picnic/tea party out there. She even has a deck type thing and some tables so we wouldn't have to sit on blankets. She probably would let me have a tea party out there with my comm if I asked and it wasn't /too/ many people, which my comm would be perfect for because no more than ten people usually show up to meets, but sadly the comm in my town is inactive/full of obnoxious weebs and my comm that I usually attend meets at is like two hours away and I don't think anyone other than maybe my one closer friend in the comm would want to drive that far for a meet.

>>8953592

I'd still try and see if you could get some people to come anon! Maybe it's just because there's not very many lolitas where I live, but lots of people are willing drive pretty far, even for smaller meets! Also the idea of a private picnic sounds like heaven to me, so I bet it'll really appeal to other people as well! Good luck!

>>8953592
Have a tea party with your own friends, and invite that comm member who will come to your place. You dont need a comm to do fun things.

>>8953470
Yea I agree with you. I make good money, but I'm pretty frugal outside of lolita. I don't think not wanting to spend $40 on a single meal makes me "cheap". I'll spend a proportionate amount of money depending on what I'm doing, like a beer or wine tasting that includes X amount of drinks or something, or like you said a museum or other such fun activity, but I wouldn't go to a fancy restaurant /just/ because it's expensive

>>8949604
Sorry for bringing this up again but I did get into the actual meet up comm and it looks like they haven't had a meet up since last year??

...but I follow someone who is kind of efamous and I know they live here and they're talking about going to meet ups all the time and posting pics of them in places I have been....

so she must just be in some separate private group? and what the rest of them haven't done anything since last year? The weirdest part is they have this stuff all over their comm page about MONTHLY meet ups.

Not only that but tonight I took the bus home from work and caught a girl wearing fairy kei and she got off at the same stop as me and I asked her about it and she just said yeah, kind of and ran off...
I didn't think fairy kei was a thing anymore but there are people here wearing it?? (besides me..)

>>8954448

Not the person you replied. Won't it be easier if you reached out to the efamous lolita, tell her you just moved into her area and ask if there is a lolita comm?

The worst is if she says it's not a lolita comm meetup, but a lolita meetup between friends, I guess.

>>8952449
It's fairly inactive
There's been like one proper meet in the past year.
It's mostly just someone going "hey, i'm going to x event, anyone else coming?" once every couple months.

>>8952219

But SoCal has been so dead lately?

>>8952449
Its decent if you can get everyone to actually turn up to a meet. Everyone usually says theyre going and about 20 minutes before its due to start "Oh hey guys, I can't go"

But everyone I have met is nice and for the most part, well dressed!

>>8954481
Hah. I feel like I am one of these people!

There's a lot of things I wish were different about my comm. our Facebook Page has 200+ members but I'd say the active Lolita count is closer to 30-35. To me those numbers are awful and the page needs to be cleaned up quite a bit. It's too bad we only have one mod who is too busy trying to get everyone to like her.

>>8953651
Second this!

>>8952219
Does their name start with an E?

>>8954458
Thank you for this idea! I'm not really interested in being friends with that girl cause she seems like a huge weeb (just really into anime, her coords are fantastic) so I don't think we'd have much in common.
But after going through her tags I've found the other local girls and I'm gonna message one of them about meets since the Facebook route seems like a dead end.

>>8954631

Same for my comm. It's weird because the number of members is so large but the last few meets have had only a few RSVPs and meets keep getting cancelled. Super frustrating.

>>8951021
Ok I'll spill. Her first name starts with S but I doubt anyone in our comm would suspect her since she seems so nice on the surface. She acts like a fujoshit both at meets and online though ("ahh my husbandooo!", "(real person) is my waifu!").

>>8954481
Does that work? I mean, my comm appears to have zero public meetups that aren't at big noisy anime cons and all the smaller meets are private between friends, so it's been really hard for my spaghetti-chan self to get to know people. I also don't really feel comfortable planning my own meetup for people I've never met and don't know how flakey they are. So if I'm going to a lolita-appropriate event somewhere like a museum or an open-air market, could I just post about it on the comm page and invite people along for an impromptu casual lolita meetup? I've never seen anyone do this in my comm and I don't want to embarrass myself or something.

>>8954925
You could definitely do that. People in my comm do it all the time. Make the meet like 2 weeks ahead and also have a food place in mind too. It should attract at least a few people.

>>8954923
Samantha? Id be surprised if it is.

>>8955779
No not her.

>>8954923
damn, anon, that could be anybody

is she pretty popular or well-known in the comm?

>>8953475
Exactly. To not have someone ask "is there anything under $10 on the menu because that's all I can afford max" and then they order water and leave little or no tip. Ugh.

>>8955795
>>8955779
I'm shocked it's not because that sounds exactly like S.C. and her shitty behavior in her last comm.

>>8953477
>>8953652
I didn't say every meet had to be at a very expensive place but girls in a comm who do want to go to nice places will band together and decide do it. They usually find it fun and then start leaving out the ones who won't pay more for these kinds of meets, thereby creating cliques or private sub-groups within the comm because of it.
All I said is to not gripe when this happens and then you feel 'left out' of meets. People learn really quick who is cheap, frugal, whatever you want to call it and if they are too cheap to go to the type of meets being planned for a group then the smaller group who IS willing, will go alone.
Ideally in a public comm, thre would be a mix of low, medium and expensive events but o-t-o-h not all of us are willing to get into full frills for just a cheap cafe or coffee shop meet either so there's the other side.

>>8951525
neither were in the OK comm, no ban needed. but they're definitely not welcome.

>>8954486
Yeah SoCal is kinda dead but drama still crops up sometimes. Not like it used to though.

>>8954816
Not the girl I'm thinking of.

>>8955797
Nah she's not popular in the comm. She doesn't go to a lot of meetups.

>>8955809
Never heard of any drama with her desu. But then again, I've only ever met her a couple of times.

>>8956382
She an older lolita or younger?

>>8956382
dude just fucking spill so we can find her twitter and outcast her ourselves

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>girl in comm starting to famewhore
>starting yt channel and acting e-famoose
>"thank you all for 2/3k insta follows!"
>check followers
>90% fake f4f or empty accounts
>mfw

>>8951158
when i was in japan the only time i saw lolitas was shopping at lolita stores with their boyfriends or alone, and in ikebukuro with their friends at cafes, bookstores, and arcades.

>>8956545
Wow that's actually pretty sad
What is it with people and e-fame

>>8955809
this really scared me because those are my initials and im from CA but ive only been in one comm.

>>8956545
This sounds like two people in my comm desu. Especially one who whines about losing followers on Instagram.

>>8956534
This, especially if she rarely comes to meets, trying to guess will take forever.

My comm seems to have split between newer members who dress more sweet/classic and older members (28+) who wear strictly toned down classic and maybe goth..

>we have a gallery meetup hosted by one of the older members who I like
>when we all arrive at the gallery it is very crowded
>we all greet each other and wait for people to arrive
>a couple older members don't seem to like newer crowd, don't say anything to us
>we all split off but it makes sense since there is a lot to see and many, many people
>being the sweeter crowd we get stopped for questions/pictures more frequently
>older members are nowhere to be seen
>we find out that them and host had left a little after an hour
>the rest of the members gradually leave
>our group of friends stays and makes a reservation at a fusion restaurant after

I'm not complaining because it's not as if there's any actual drama, but I wish the older lolitas would stick around and hang out with us. I understand that we may be dressed in a style they don't like, but it's not as if we don't have shared interests, aren't mature, or under the age of 21. It's just...disappointing.

>>8956493
Not sure of her exact age but she's 26-27 I believe.

>>8956563
She's part of the SF comm and she's not S.C. anyways.

>>8956724
Laura H-W?

>>8956724
Is she white?
Does she wear sweet?
Does she have a real job or making minimum wage?
Does she live in the city, Peninsula, South Bay, or East Bay?

>>8956950
Laura is way past 30.

>>8956654
That kind of sucks. I've heard similar stories with meets that end up splitting up. I mean, I get preferring to hang out with people in my age group, but if you're the host, you should really try to stick around until the end of the meet or at least communicate to everyone about the option of splitting up. It just seems rude.

>>8956724
Is it tim?

lmfao I wouldn't be surprised if it was that dumb ita bitch

>>8950147
haha yes and she just escorted herself
I wanted to call her out so bad for posting girls to ita threads from our comm. She was so manipulative and has everyone played.

>>8950294
i second going to tea

>>8951525
agreed they were never members and def never welcome

>>8957013
Not that anon but it does sound like her... Though idk if anyone in SF has shit with her beyond that she's kinda annoying.

>>8956724
Holy fuck anon quit beating around the bush and just tell us who the fuck it is. Once they find out you're posting about them they'll hate you forever anyways.

>>8957013
Tim is in the SF comm? I see them name fagging all the time here and I had no idea.

>>8957066
Yeah Tim is part of the SF comm. I've seen her at a couple of meets before.

>>8956654
My comm is extremely similar to this in that there are some older members who have been in the fashion for a really long time and know each other really well. In my experience, it's not so much that the older members dislike or disapprove of the fashion of the newer/younger/sweeter members, so much as it is that they're friends outside of lolita and aren't as keen on being in the public spotlight as much (i.e. being stopped and asked for photos constantly). Maybe the people in your comm didn't mean to come across as rude, but just wanted to go do their own thing without making the rest of the group feel like they needed to come along. Obviously this may not have been the case, but that's been my experience with this sort of thing.

Hell, my comm did a museum meetup a while back (a year or two ago) and I slipped out early with a friend and only got to say goodbye to a few people... we left because it was way too crowded and we wanted to see the rest of the museum without being stopped every two seconds for photos or questions, which is what tends to happen in a large group. It's not usually that much of a problem, but in our case the girls in the group felt it necessary to have an in-depth discussion with every person that stopped and asked a question, so the group was barely moving through the museum at all.

>>8950105
Ive tried searching but i never found anything. Ive seen this pic pop up multiple times in the last few years, and no one ever explains its orgins. Like wtf do i even seach anyways?

>>8957013
>>8957040
>>8957066
>>8957307
>inb4 Tim chimps out here like she did on lolcow

>>8957307
Who is it???

>>8957013
I've been in the comm for a while now but who the hell is Tim?

>>8957527
Same. Wut.

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I joined a comm that's about a 2 hour drive from me.

Everyone seems super nice, and so welcoming. I've been talking to the admin about things and she's super quirky like me and just AAAAAAH.

I can't wait to meet the group in May for the ILD. It sucks that they're over 2 hours away, but totally worth the drive for some nice new friends.

I also started a local community. Any pointers?

>>8957013
I had no idea Tim was in the SF comm, name and shame.

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>>8957537
Tim is in the front row with giant black x white hat.

>>8957760
Huh, never met her.

>>8957760
That looks awful. This is the same Tim that trips on here for no reason?

>>8957760
Oh, yeah I've never met her, this looks like hell though wow.

>>8957760
Wow, everyone else even including the fatty behind her is better dressed.

>>8957760
>>8958035
that's soojung kek now I know who to avoid like the plague.

luckily they don't come to many meets

>>8957541
Require a full coord by their 2-3 meet for locals or you'll end up with a bunch of ita weebs who never get their shit together. Screen people who join carefully. Don't allow tumblrina-speak in posts or let them go off-topic on rants. I'm not saying to exclude anyone genuinely interested in the fashion but with a brand new comm forming you have the opportunity to make it good from the start. Look back over old comm threads for common problems so you'll be prepared but screening, requiring a coord fairly soon and corralling the special snowflakes of tumblr should take care of many major start-up problems.

>>8957013
>>8957549
>>8958086
>>8958087
Is there any particular reason to dislike Tim? Yeah she's sometimes annoying on cgl but I don't act like how I do on cgl in real life.

>>8958144
She's a dirty tripfag. That's all I need to know.

>>8958146
She's not a trip though. She's just a namefag. Plus she's a namefag because she posts in the artist alley thread most of the time and artists use names to identify themselves in that thread.

>>8958042
From what I remember she doesn't trip but just uses the name field.
She's said some really dumb shit though, look her up in the archive.

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>>8958144
She's a pretentious wannabe elitist who shits on almost everyone in the AA thread. Also cries about artists who are better than her

also an ita who gives shit advice

>>8958144
I don't get it either. Especially with that impersonation in the drawthread, I feel like someone is trying to start a smear campaign against her.

>>8958148
>>8958148
>>8958180

Namefagging is the most pointless thing ever. Either get a real trip, or just be anonymous like everyone else. Namefagging is no better than tripping, even more dumb because as >>8958180 said, impersonations can easily happen.

Besides all that, she dresses like shit, so you don't have to dislike her personally to dislike her coords.

>>8958180
>>8958144

See >>8950151

>>8958254
Anon hasn't confirmed whether shittalking-chan is really Tim or not though. Besides, for all we know, anon could be trying to start shit with Tim.

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>>8958169
She says so herself that this particular outfit isn't lolita.

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>>8958272
lol

>>8958340
I wasn't saying she's not ita. I'm just pointing out that that particular coord isn't lolita.

Would it be considered rude to decline to be in your comm's photos?

>>8958519
Nope

>>8958519
Not at all. Some people don't like being photographed, and often when we take group photos someone will insist on being the photographer or will just step out if they're not feeling up to it.

anyone know what the fuck happened to the chicago comm? I wanted to join but they don't seem active anymore...

>>8959762
The Comm's name is Chigothloli. If you check their events page, they have a number of events to go to from now till June. Keep in mind, they do not have events set up for ACen which is next month and International Lolita Day in June. They do intermingle with the Milwaukee Comm.

Also a lot of us are busy with work too. The ones with brand and have been in the fashion for years have degrees and full time jobs.

I love the Comm especially with all the riff-raff and drama llamas gone or neutered.

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This is really irresponsible. Smh.

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rek't

>>8962443
>would you date a brolita?
>I'D DATE THEM BECAUSE OF REASONS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM BEING A BROLITA

Then why bother asking in the first place?

>>8963179
I call fetishist.