Local comm thread

I think every comm has one of those people.
Some comms have multiples of those people.

etiquette of bidding on local comm member's "dream dresses?"

>I have work that day
>Sorry girls, it's too far/expensive

That new or inactive member that let's everyone know whether she will make it to the meet even though no one knows her or cares about her presence. I can't stand the implication that things should be catered to them.

We currently have a person who vocally left the comm, but still kills meet-ups by putting herself on going. I don't even get what she is trying to accomplish by showing up.

>>8924743
There is one girl that is always commenting on events to say she can't go because it's on a Saturday, and she works Saturdays. She has been doing this for at least a year, and has made no attempt to organize a meet on a Sunday or any other day. Our comm is pretty relaxed, just throw an idea out there. People will come.

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>>8924743

>>8924719
It's a frill or be frilled world girl, if they weren't stalking auctions/sales like a hawk it probably wasn't really their "dream" dress anyways.

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>>8924743
its especially annoying when they get the meetup notice over a month ahead of time

>>8924758
oh my god we have someone in our comm like that

she has like 30 dream dresses (I wish she would just call it a damn wishlist) and expects the comm to allow her to get them FIRST before she does

there have been multiple times when we would link her to auctions and she would either: lose, won't even bid, or won't have the funds

if you're willing to shill out more money then go for it

My comm has a few girls that complain they won't have an outfit ready in time. For meet ups two months into the future. Should we have postpone it just for you?! It's not like they ever end up going to meets, they'll end just being annoying at cons.

We have a Member of our Comm who recently took up Smoking due to Job stress, It drives everybody insane because she sparks up Constantly whenever she can.

She keeps out of our way but seeing her wreck her brand boils my piss.

>>8924770
Does she get pissed off when someone else buys one of her 'dream dresses'? We have someone like that. Pretty much every print AP has put out in the last five years is like totally her dream dress!!11 but whenever someone links her to a sale or auction she whines about it being too expensive, and then when someone else buys it (or another one of her ~dream dresses~) she gets all pissy at them like nobody else is allowed to wear clothes she called dibs on or something.

>be interested in a girl's older OP
>not sure if it'll fit since no shirring and I have boobs but it looks promising
>girl doesn't provide measurements
>girl seems almost offended that I want to try it on over my clothes quickly, keep assuring me "it will fit anon", I was already embarrassed enough but the dress was cute and cheap
>girl begrudgingly lets me try the dress on, lo and behold my tits are too big
>girl proceeds to act offended about the whole ordeal, stealth checks if I ruined her 80$ old school AP one piece
>okay..

>>8924719
Just go for it anon, it's not like the person's entitled to the dress just because they announce it that it is their dream dress

>>8924770
I totally feel you on that. I once manage to get this dress that is one of the member's dream dress (amongst the huge list that the person has) When I wore it to a meetup, she approached me & accuse me of stealing her dream dress & that dress is supposedly hers. Thankfully others call out on her & she just shut up afterwards.

>>8924752
I remember reading that..
This person randomly friended me on facebook too. They are pretty creepy and aggressive in general.

>>8924801
Anon no offense but if your boobs are huge there is a very good chance you could damage the shirring. Trying it on was pretty risky and desu if I was in her situation I'm not sure I would've been happy to let you try it on if you were that big.

>>8924801
In brand stores they don't let you try stuff on either if they think you're too big. She should have provided measurements, though.

>>8924801
Comm is having a swap meet soon. I have large measurements and this is exactly why I will be carrying a measuring tape with me. I don't need people giving me the stink eye just because I'm a larger lolita trying to buy something.

Makes me really sad though since I am terrified of trying anything on at a brand store.

>>8924807
SF??

He added me too. Saw him writing about his ex-girlfriend and posting private messages between the two of them. Unfriended so fast.

>>8924962
BM? I'm not who you're responding to, but I got friended by this guy even though we haven't met yet.

>>8924743
I usually comment why I can't come if i previously showed interest in the meet, to the planner. Is this really autistic?

>>8924979
If you've shown interest before the dates got finalised no, and if you've turned up to other meets before. It gets a little weird if you've never been to a meet at all and expect people to care you can't go.

>>8924743
We have an inactive member who does this, it's so frustrating. She won't even confirm that she's going to a meet and will send on the "sorry work is unforgiving :(((" message even though nobody expects her to show and she hasn't attended a meet in something like five years.

>>8924970
Sorry was asking if this is from the SF comm since the comment looked familiar

>>8925035
I'm just going to assume we're all talking about the same guy.

>>8924743
I always thought it was a good idea to tell the organizer whether or not you can't go, so they can plan easier. I usually do it via PM though. Is that something that annoys people?

There's someone who joined my comm a year and a half ago who hasn't been to a single meetup yet. They're fairly inactive for the most part, but whenever they do post, it's either them saying that they're taking commissions for artwork or asking if anyone wants to hang out with them on their side of town. We actually had a meetup at a cafe recently in the same area where they supposedly live, but they never responded to the event invite at all. Less than a week after the meetup, though, they asked people to hang out with them again...

>>8924719
Do people actually get upset if someone else buys their dream dress? I can see being mad if you lost a bidding war with them or something but you're not entitled to the dress...

>>8924743
We have a member that does that. She always have every excuse under the sky despite no one giving a shit, and no one wants to see her there either because she's the worst ita in our comm.

We've even started making bets on whether she'll actually show up on meets she says she's gonna attend.

>>8925194
isnt that exactly what the coming/maybe/not coming things are for on event pages though? unless your comm does stuff not through fb

>>8924836
I'm a C which is still big by brand standards. especially older ap. I wouldn't have tried to force myself into the dress and I assured them of that. And honestly I wish they wouldnt have tried to hard to convince me it would fit (so I would buy it and then it'd be my problem if something happened to it i guess..?)

>tfw I'm the member who doesn't attend meets.

Probably last saw my comm a year ago. I'm not even busy. The comm keeps picking dates where I'm already committed to other things. Not like I'm going to tell them to change the date for me when half of it is decided by vote.

>>8924743
I used to do this too, in my mind if someone went to the trouble of inviting me the least I could do was explain why I can't make the meet. Stopped doing it when I realised it didn't actually matter.

I can't tell if I'm just awkward at planning meets or if people need to learn to read the description. Currently planning a meet where we have reservations at a restaurant and I said in like 3 different places to please tell me directly whether you coming, so I can confirm numbers. Like half the people didn't ever verbally (textually?) confirm with me and I had to ask them directly. I guess I wouldn't mind, but I feel like I'm pestering people and on top of that some of the people have been hard to get a hold of - one girl I had to message (got ignored even though FB sends you notifications for message requests now when you get messages from people you aren't friends with) and tag like three times in a post to get her attention, another one I STILL haven't heard anything from her. I have a mutual friend with her and I might have to ask the mutual to message the girl, to message me...

There's that, then me being awkward with the planning. At first I had polls with times and locations and people kept saying they were "going" without inputting their opinion. I do this just cause like...it's a comm, I want people who are interested to be able at least agree on a time that is suitable for most people and a location most people are interested in. I wanted to hurry up and make a reservation so I just chose a place and time, and it was fine, people are coming. I guess I just need to learn to simply pick something instead of wait for other people's input. I think I'm just afraid of doing that and then having 20 people complain that they can only do X time or they wanted to go to Y instead of Z.

What are your thoughts about age restrictions for comms/meetups? Especially if majority of the active comm is over the age of 22/23 or some example like that.

>>8925352
Well, I tick that box too, but I also send in a short explanation so it's not totally impersonal. I mean, they did invite me. I dunno.

>>8924785
>seeing her wreck her brand boils my piss.

Get over it, they're her clothes. Besides, a good airing out and dry cleaning will get rid of any odors, those chemicals are strong.

Also, not gonna lie, i smoked in a dress and sold it without dry cleaning and never received any complaint about the smell. And I use unscented laundry detergent.

>>8925375
I get like that too, anon. Just do the latter if people aren't gonna respond. If they complain, then tell them that you didn't get feedback everyone even though you kept asking everyone for their opinions. If they really wanted to go, then they should have left input in the first place.

>>8925490
If it's at a place where it's already age-restricted to begin with, like places where alcohol is served, then I don't see why not.

>>8925490
Honestly, if a teen member needs a ride or chaperoning, they're too young. Otherwise, I've met some 15-16 year old lolitas that blend in just fine even though I'm 28.

People bitch about private meets but then don't attend the meets that are open to everyone. This is why people can't be bothered doing nice things for you.

>>8925602
Yeah, when I decided to make the reservation that's what I told myself, that I gave them adequate time to voice their opinion, and I'd only change things if I got a ton of complaints. Sometimes you just get stuck between wanting to let everyone voice their opinion and to just step up and give everyone the plan. In the future, I think I will try to be more concrete/firm when making the event page.

>>8925496
Personally I don't mind when people give a quick explanation for why they can't come. Like I don't think it's rude to be like, "Sorry guys, working that day, I'll catch you at the next meet" or something. I just hate it when people get really sulky/demanding about needing to be accomodating. Like, if all 9 people going to the meet agreed that 12 PM would be best but then the 10th person comes and is like "Um, I don't leave work until 3 PM. Can we please move it to that time?". Especially worse when everyone does accomodate that person, but then they don't even go. Not to say that I don't think comms shouldn't accomodate meets every now and then to certain members - my comm usually has Saturday meets, but since some members only have sunday's as their free days we try to get make some meets on sunday. But there's definitely a difference between just letting your fellow comm members and friends you can't make it vs. whining and complaining that the meet doesn't fit your schedule. It sucks but you can't always be at every meet, and if meets are regularly hosted during times you can't attend you should try to host something yourself or politely ask a hostess or mod if there could be a meet in the future planned for a certain time.

>>8925490
I've had too many issues with lolitas under 16. I avoid them even at non-restricted meets, to be perfectly frank. So I've nothing against people wanting to host an 18+ or 21+ or whatever age+ meet.

>>8925607
This. Some teens need to be taken care of and are kind of a nuisance to the rest of the group. If they can handle themselves that's fine, there are a small handful of young lolitas that have come to meets and they were fine.

At the same time, seeing as how a lot of teens can be cumbersome, annoying, and almost a liability, I can understand why some comms may want age-restricted meets or be age-restricted comms. For teens who get upset at things like that, they should think of it in their own shoes; most teens want to hangout with people their own age, and most would be annoyed if they went to a party with their friends and their young sibling came along. At the same I sort of feel conflicted about the idea of an age-restricted comm, just because I think sometimes being around older lolitas is good for young lolitas to figure out how to mature and progress within the fashion.

How do you gulls feel about introduction posts in the comm group page, especially coming from someone who's coming from another comm?

>>8925746
Check for a thread first. Our comm has an introductions thread where people can post their "I'm new! I like __ and __ and live near __." kind of thing.

my comm is full of people that use terms like "loli-chans" and "frillies" to address the group at large, and use broken wapanese unironically. Like, if I see something cute you bet I'm gonna call it a "kawaii-ass motherfucker" in my best Ice-T impression. But the babytalk and weird atmosphere of obsession with being a lifestyle Lolita makes me keep the whole comm at arm's length.

And sure, I probably sound like a grumpy bitch hammering a NO FUN ALLOWED sign into my lawn with a decoden hammer, but a line has been drawn in the sand with the heel of a replica-chan's shoe, and they've stampeded over it like tumblrinas at a welcome to nightvale panel.

>>8925194
If it is a small meet where she personally invitited you, sure. But a public comm meet that gets posted on the comm page doesn't need all the unknown itas complaining that the date doesn't work out for them when they have never even attended a meet. No one is going to change the date for people who they don't even know.

>>8925746
Depends hugely on the size of the comm. Our comm is small so they're encouraged, especially since there isn't always a whole lot on the group, but in bigger groups a thread for all of them would probably be best. I find it when I hear about groups that don't allow them at all.

I've also had that problem with planning meets- I did open polls to see when would work best for everyone. But giving too many options leaves everything scattered without a real answer, and some people join in on the polls that don't even end up coming. Your best bet, if you want to give choices, is to give two firm options, and majority picks. People will either make it happen and go or not.

When a date is confirmed and people straightaway set 'not coming', it's obvious they have schedule conflict and can't come, no posting why needed. If somebody says they're coming but close to the event that changes, I think it's reasonable to make a post that says, 'sorry, something came up- see you all next time'. But making it a big deal like, 'Unfortunately I am unable to attend.. X life factor in detail... I really wish that I could be there with all of you.. :(((' is super unnecessary. There's no need for it to sound like you're calling into work/giving a eulogy.

>>8925746
Our comm has a post template specifically for new members and it works great.

>>8925752
>>8926068
>>8926330
Thanks guys! From what I can see so far in the comm I just joined, there's no rules against introduction posts or a separate thread specifically for introductions.

>>8925194
My comm has over a hundred active members. If a meet is planned and ~70 people say they can't go it would just be annoying. My comm often has that people will complain about the date as an excuse when it's really something else only for the organizer to change the date and have less people attend.

So many meetkillers seem to be active in my comm this time of year. One meet up has 3 of them going at once, I fear for the newbies that don't know to avoid them. I really hope the organizer catches on and at least removes the creepy ageplayer.

>>8926550
Just imagine if you mod WAS the creepy one. I'm pretty sure our one mod is a meet killer, and she hosts most of the meets (which are then poorly attended). I have no idea what to do.

>>8927053

Comm?

>>8927157
Can't say. It's a small midwestern comm and I don't want to alienate people. She's well meaning, but so fucking socially awkward (and ita as hell) and it's embarrassing. I'm newer to the comm and have no idea how I'm going to deal with her in charge.

>>8927053
Start hosting your own meets? Christ.

>>8924750
STL?

>>8924752
Oh god this.
That was a really rude comment. I don't know them closely and I was thinking of calling them out.

>>8925861
I'm sick of the word frillies.
There's a girl in my community who is super cool, but she uses the word all the time.

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>tfw in belgium
>comm doesn't even exist anymore
I only began lolita this year after dreaming of getting in many years ago, and i feel like i've arrived when the party is over.
I only have one lolita friend from here but even then i just feel like i bother her and we don't talk often at all since i don't even know what to tell her.
Same in France, i feel like 2010-2011-2012 where the big years for lolita, everything was much more active. Now it's just...died down.

>>8928340
Anyway i'm just too much of an introvert so i wouldn't even be in the comm if there was one.
I just feel so "different" from the other girls? I don't know how to explain, not in a "lulz i am so speshul xD" way but more in an "alien" kind of way. I just wish i had a close lolita friend that lived in my country that i could speak of many things with including lolita...

>>8928341
Me too, anon. I like wearing very very casual jfash, like the slightly cutesy cancam style but nothing too out there, and I can't seem to find a friend into the same stuff. It's always either full on normies or full on lolitas/gyarus/whatever, and both groups consider my style either too cutesy or too normie.

I feel different in other ways too, like I can't seem to connect with most people, I never know what to talk about and I'm always a nervous wreck. With others conversation flows more naturally but nowadays I honestly have trouble figuring out what to say.

>>8928371
Aw man i'm feeling better to know someone feels the same (somehow).
I'm in sweet lolita but like... i'm into the lolita dresses from 2009 to 2012 (Dreamy Dollhouse,Jewelry Jelly, Milky Berry) without being OTT (i just hate how ott lolita has become actually) and also i like old school a lot. (Karami, Hawase Doll, Heart Apron,...)
I feel so lost...Especially now that many of my lolita inspo or girls that were into lolita moved on to other styles or just went full normie. I feel so alone.

>>8928387
Same, anon. If you want, we could talk about jfash and other stuff we may have in common. I'm a europoor too.

>>8928371
It took me time to develop my conversation skills, but I think for me I try to be as curious about the person as possible, let them talk, try to ask them interesting questions and hopefully if they're an interesting person those answers will lead to a more interesting dialogue where more specific questions can be asked, it's like drilling down to get past the small talk. Be genuinely interested, but if they're boring then move on. Even if it starts out pretty base, you can ask someone their preferred style, what got them into lolita, what music they're into, how long they've been in the comm, how has it changed for them, how has their style evolved, their other hobbies, what are they watching atm, just some kind of common ground, maybe you'll have something in common. On the other hand having interesting stories is always good too, like read a book on Victorian times and relay all the crazy shit they use to do or listen to an interesting podcast, chances are someone else does too. In all accounts, try to relax, your brain has a harder time being spur of the moment if you're all worked up, and it comes across.

>>8927193
I have, but she gets really defensive and bitchy about it since it's "her community". She's literally the only person who does meets, and now me when I want to put up with her side-eye.

>>8924750
Lol I think I know who you're talking about if we're in the same comm. She's so frustrating.

>>8928447
Thanks anon. I think I concentrate too hard on worrying if I sound boring that it never occurred to me that I don't necessarily have to be the boring one.

Tell me honestly, is WF really that bad? She's in my local comm, I haven't gone to a meet up yet, but I really just want to know how to stay out of her drama.

>>8929212
Try treating her like any other human being you've met for the first time. If discussion of drama comes up just don't engage.

>>8929212
As someone wio has dealt with her first hand many times, yes. I'd rather not say what happened since it would probably give away who I am, but she seems like the sort of person who grew up exclusively on the internet and had no experience of life outside that. She still comes across as a bit of a LJ edge lord.
Her coords are another story.

>>8929212
She strikes me as an internet tough guy who's actually rather quiet IRL, so I don't think you'll have any real problems with her at meetups. These types have no problems bullying anyone they don't like when they're behind a computer but as soon as you're standing across from them they're too chickenshit to say much.

>>8925375
This is exactly my comm too and this is why nobody here wants to organize meet-ups anymore. I used to organize many meet-ups, but I got frustrated because nearly nobody read my descriptions, people came to the meet-up and didn't knew what we would be doing, half of them didn't even knew I was the organizer, like wtf

A select few newer members of my comm have taken to using the page as their personal diary. Especially one girl who gives us an update of every move she makes when deciding to buy something, finally having the money for it, ordering, receiving, then trying it on in a crappy photo, etc. One full update would be more than enough.

>>8928340
they are probably all too afraid to go out right now

Would it be a bad idea to take my 13 year old sister to a meet? She loves dressing up in lolita with me and wants to go to a meet. She doesn't have any dresses of her own but can fit into my clothes and I trust her to be careful with my brand. She's also pretty well behaved. I don't think my comm has an age requirement but then again most of our members are 16+ so I don't think it has ever been an issue. I know I should probably ask the person hosting the meet beforehand if it's ok with them and make sure its a meet where we're doing an activity that she's interested in but would people still dislike it if i bring her since she's so young?

>>8929540
I personally wouldn't mind a well behaved 13 year old (no cringey hyper activity, bratiness, whining, etc.). So long as you're looking after her, and don't rely on anyone else to babysit.

Any younger than 13-14 and I wouldn't like it no matter how well behaved. Children don't belong at meets.

>>8929540
Check with the event organiser but I'd say most people wouldn't have a problem with a well behaved 13 year old, if their sister is taking care of them, especially if you have some other teenage members (because with the best will in the world your sister will have more on common with 16 year old lolitas than 26 year old lolitas). Possibly the only exception would be ticketed events with limited places.

>>8929370
Yeah that too.
Anyway Lunie and Kitsch would just make me feel even uglier. That and i look hideous in pictures.
People always tell me i'm "so cute" but seriously i think they do that out of pity, i look like the fusion of a young woman and a child in an uncute/awkward way. I just wish i was pretty like Lunie and had many fun friends and lived many fun adventures and travels...

>>8928338
I actually like it when its used sparingly.

Anyone have that one person in their comms that tries to guilt trip you every time you post about a new purchase? I have this lolita friend that constantly does that. I will post something I just bought and she will always respond with something along the lines of "damn", "if only I could afford that" :'( :'( sadfacesadfacecryface

Let alone the fact that she makes more money than me and spends it on ridiculous shit (she is planning a trip in Japan that she managed to fund in less than 6 months), but even if she was actually poor, bitch please, go whine at your own post, don't be such a mood breaker. Not everything is about you!

>>8928338
"frillies" has always sounded like a fetish term to me. it just makes the conversation turn weird.

>>8930163
My comm has some annoying girls like that. Its obnoxious and a lot of them are crazy. They're usually the ones crying on event pages too saying "oh if only i had more monies i could go :( "

Theres this one chick who'll start shit talking anyone who dares to post about a new purchase, sometimes going as far as spamming them on btb because heaven forbid they post a new dress they got. Bitch be jelly.

>>8929345
Are you in Ohio? We had a couple of those too but luckily ours have calmed down.

There's someone in my comm who's in her 20s, but is more like an overgrown toddler than an adult woman. She rarely comes to meets because she doesn't have facebook, so she relies on phone calls from god-knows-who for info on upcoming events. Horrific fucking ita, wears "alice cosplay" dresses and a stupid mismatched strawberry purse. I swear, she's still in middle school, screaming about Undertale and yaoi in public places. Pieces of food fall out of her mouth at tea, and she doesn't know how to use an "inside voice." My first-ever ILD, I met her for the first time. She asked me, a perfect stranger, if I would lend her money to buy some fucking plushies as if it were a dire necessity. Despite all our efforts to keep her from meets, she still shows up from time to time.

I should be excited for a meetup that's happening tomorrow, but honestly I just feel extremely depressed instead. I wish I was dead.

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>>8930554

>>8925217
Same comm. They seem nice enough, just lazy. Although I don't think they even own any lolita? Just goth stuff. Maybe that's why they don't want to attend a real meet.

Hoping to go to my very first meet up today. I'm so nervous I hope I don't back out last minute (for the 30th time). Comm has a reputation of being cliqueish and elitist.

>>8930905
Or they may just be pissy that you keep backing out at the last minute.

>>8930905
going into it with that attitude will not help...

>>8930163
>>8930234
My comm has two girls who regularly (like once a week) post about their new AP purchases in the "post your new purchases" thread and every time they'll have this comment thread full of girls I've never actually seen in lolita going oh boo I wish I could afford that QQ you own all my dream dresses bluh bluh bluh
Then the following weekend there will be a nasty secret on BtB calling one of the girls a fat brandwhore or something. Though to be honest I'm starting to think they kind of enjoy the attention. The secrets are always dripping with jelly and the comments are full of anons defending them and calling them wonderful lovlies, so it's probably more of a confidence boost than anything.

My comm mod is like a real life Regina George and said she will ban anyone she knows who posts on cgl

>mfw I love draw threads more than life
>mfw tripping on this much power over a facebook group

why are there no south florida/miami meets
where the hell is everyone down here
I don't even wear lolita but I will buy lolita if there was one

>>8931965
no one would know you use cgl unless they also use cgl.

fucking hypocrites.

>>8929345
Ask the mods to make one monthly free-for-all or off-topic thread to contain that stuff then hide the thread.

>>8928338
I don't like it either, it sounds both patronizing and cutesy. Someone I know uses it and I just try to ignore it. I've tried to say something subtle about not wanting to be referred to as a 'frilly' myself but she hasn't taken the hint yet. (Sigh)

>>8925642
>just because I think sometimes being around older lolitas is good for young lolitas to figure out how to mature and progress within the fashion.
I started lolita when I was 13 and honestly this was exactly what happened with me. I attended meets and noticed how well dress other girls were and took note of what they did right, then looked at myself and applied what I observed based off of my observations. My first outfit was very ita but the ones after (14 at that point) were nitpicks.
I don't know about the maturing part though. Personally, I have always been quiet and i am an only child with the majority of my family being older and quite strict. Despite that I know lolitas that were the same age as me (early teens) that were/are still immature despite being around older lolitas.

>>8930905
Lol, which comm was this? Apparently our comm has a reputation for being "cliquish" and we also had a meetup today and some people didn't come when they said they would.

Just some advice for you: Don't judge a comm by what you hear about online. Go to a meetup before you make judgements. And please don't RSVP as a 'yes' and then back out every single meet. It's really difficult for the organizers when you do that.

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>>8924785
I smoke like a chimney, but no one in my comm knows. Before meets I air everything out and no one in my extremely picky comm (calling a girl out for excusing herself to vape) has called me out which is all they seem to do to everyone else. Also it is her damn brand let her live it isn't like she is putting her butts out on your bonnet.

>>8932486
Keep your nasty habit to yourself. I don't want to inhale your cancerous smoke just because you're too much of a selfish bitch to leave the premises when you need to feed your disgusting addiction

>>8932492
>what is reading comprehension
Stay salty, anon.

>>8931965
Are we in the same comm? One of our mods went on a tirade about how any member found on cgl will be banned.

T b h I come here to read up about new releases and to try to improve my coords. I don't want to get banned over something so trivial.

A glorious ita ageplay monstrosity was just posted to one of the comm pages I'm in because this weekend was a convention weekend. Can't post it though because I'm afraid of being banned and I like most of the community/mods. The salty struggle is real.

>>8931976
Buy some clothes first before you start complaining about the lack of a comm.

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>>8932687
I'm planning on it.
I currently wear J fashion and would like to get my first few lolita coords. What I'm looking for is just some sort of J fashion comm. But there is hardly even people down here who wear J fashion so forget about finding lolitas. I'm probably one of a handful of people in S Florida. I could organize a fashion walk or a meet up in S florida myself, and almost went through with it once before I decided against it because theres ~no one here~. I want to start with at least one other person.
Sebastian Masuda came down here to fill his capsule (fuck knows why) and there were a couple of Lolitas there, surprisingly, who must have drove down there from buttfuck. Majority of people there were just weebs and people who had no idea what was happening. The fuck does one do in this situation other than cry over a pile of clothes they never get to wear.

>>8932596
This is an anon board. I doubt they would find out its you if you block out names unless your comm is small as fuck.

>>8928516
Find out when she can't go to a meet and plan it for that day. Or tell her to sit down and shut the fuck up. What is she going to do anyway? Kick you out? If everyone hates this bitch you can just make your own comm, with blackjack and hookers.

>>8931965
>>8932505
Lol, why do they hate cgl so much? It's a wonderful place.

I'm not transphobic by any means but transgendered lolitas confuse the living fuck out of me.

Our comm has a few mtf lolitas, many who have taken hormones and do their best to appear as feminine as possible.

I just met my first ftm lolita at our comm's swapmeet. But I had no fucking clue they identified as male and I must have offended them. They has bright colored hair and wore a dress. No bindings.

It makes sense lolita is appealing to transitioning women - the style is hyper feminized. But why would you identify yourself as a male and continue to wear dresses that clearly make you look more womanly and feminine?!

>>8933627
cause tumblr.

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>>8933627
Lolita is not a gateway drug for males confused about their gender. Clothing is genderless. It's about bonding over wearing cute clothes. There a few that have transition after wearing lolita for a number of years. Mana_samatemple/sugar--rose is an example.

OT, but I wonder what Misako Aoki thinks about males wearing lolita. I know she's cool with it and has posed in pictures with male lolitas. Misako probably has a positive thought on transgender rights since she Tweeted about seeing 'The Danish Girl' a few weeks ago.

>>8933399
The comm is pretty small, and the Facebook page shows who's seen the photo, so they'd be able to figure it out using process of elimination probably.

>>8933688
as much as you want to believe, clothing is not genderless. even at a very basic level why is it so hard to understand? femininity and masculinity can exist along side the idea that one doesn't have to conform to it 100%. I don't get why this is such a hard concept.

>>8933688
there's men's clothing, women's clothing, and genderless clothing. lolita clothing IS NOT GENDERLESS so please stfu with your tumblr bullshit. they are tailored to fit those with breasts and hips aka biological women

also >>8933627 isn't talking about MtF or boys who are "confused." they're asking about FtM but yet still look like women and then get offended because you misused their preferred pronouns. this fake transgender identity is incredibly insulting on actual transgendered folks

>>8933688
Misako's also posed with itas and I'm pretty sure that if she does have a strong opinion against them she wouldn't show it because that would look bad for her international image.

>>8933733
Not trying to contradict the core of what you're saying, but a lot of lolita clothing is most NOT tailored to fit women with any semblance of breasts. I am a man with a man torso and a decent amount of brand and all of the dresses/blouses that I own fit me just fine without any stuffing or padding.

>>8933747
*chubby japanese girls with a cup breasts

better? you're picking at semantics. some of the blouses have darts which are used to fit the curvature of breasts

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>>8933688
Lolita is not genderless but it is fine for either gender to wear.

I don't question cis men for wearing lolita. But I do find it confusing for transgender men who wear lolita. If you feel wrong for being born in the wrong body, and there are parts of your body that are there when you feel like they shouldn't, isn't it counterproductive to wear a certain style that would make others assume you are of a certain gender? For them to be offended for something that was not blatantly obvious confuses me. Or maybe I'm just ignorant.

>>8933767
I'm not even arguing against you, I'm just pointing out that fit probably isn't the best argument to use in this instance. Lolita is absolutely gendered.

>>8931965
Are you in my community anon? UK?

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>>8933804
you're right. sorry anon. I'm being extra cunty because of my hatred for tumblr culture :(

>>8933779
no ignorance here. tumblr trans is a bizzaro world and most trans people don't take it seriously. like I don't get it. expressing ones gender through physical means has always been empowering to trans people and now it's practically ostracized by tumblrtards...

>>8933627
As long as they are polite about telling which pronouns to use if we ask or make a faux pas but we are also careful to correct it, and then use the right pronouns, who cares, really?

>>8924779
Nope, let them attend when they have their complete coord together. Why wait?

>girl posts in comm
>hey guys, let's have a meet
>many people are free on a specific day
>she says lets meet
>we all arrive
>everyone but her
>no word from her
>???????

>>8933627
You are talking about SF comm right? TSF used to bother me because of the reasoning you listed, but after getting to know him I really don't care anymore. It's not my business what anyone wants to be called. He probably shouldn't get offended if strangers didn't know but please don't be a dick to an otherwise nice person.

>>8933627
We have quite a lot of ftm transgenders in our comm, most of them are transitioning and stopped wearing the fashion, but are still involved because of friends and started dressing in male jfashion. One girl seems to be faking, because she does nothing, but just say that she is ftm while still presenting her as entirely female.

>>8933627
If you feel like you've offended them, just apologize and let them know you're not used to interacting with trans people and don't know the proper etiquette/etc.

Whenever I'm dealing with someone who's trans and I don't know which pronoun to refer to them as, I just quickly ask them or their friends what their preferred pronouns are. At the end of the day, clothes are clothes, but what they're wearing shouldn't affect the way you interact with them as a human being and individual.

>>8933731
>>8933733
When people say "clothing is genderless" they mean that you can wear whatever clothing you want, regardless of what gender you identify with. Pretty simple concept unless you are literally retarded.

>>8933779
You're not ignorant. I'm sorry, but if you claim to be ftm, but are cool wearing Lolita or other ridiculously girly shit, you're not actually ftm. You're just another special snowflake trying to make gender more complicated than it actually is.

>>8925355
C says nothing anon, 30C or 36C?

>>8934148
Unless you live in the real world.

I can't deal with my comm anymore. I joined a few months ago and it is perhaps the single most cliquish thing I've ever been a part of, the rules are absurd, and there's just way too much drama. Just a few of the dumbest...
>anyone who goes on /cgl/ at all for any reason is banned
>no larger bags allowed at any meets because ONE person's Iron Gate got stolen FROM HER HOUSE
>you have to announce your name pronouns at the beginning of each meet because ONE tumblrina who wasn't even transgender suggested this and she only ever went to like two meets
>you have to be wearing lolita to attend a meet or you won't be allowed to hang out with us
And now to add onto our already extremely stupid list of rules, there's discussion to make it mandatory to participate in meet-up themes because one girl is complaining about not enough people doing it. So, if the theme is ballet and you don't have a ballet themed dress, you have to buy one or not go. Yeah, I'm pretty done with this shit.

>>8934165
...In the real world there are plenty of men who wear dresses and still identify as men, as well as girls who are simply hardcore tomboys and not trans.

>>8934161
I don't get women who think the single letter means anything even if they're unaware of how actual bra sizing works. Like, have they magically never seen their cup size with a different band size while bra shopping before?

>>8928516
Reminds me of our queen bee, gets super offended if anyone but her dares to plan a meetup.

>>8934166
The last one makes sense to me because I'm pretty sick of 'lolitas at heart' showing up to our meetups in regular sundresses, crew socks and sandals, but the rest is kookoo crazypants. I remember reading about the Iron Gate theft on here but thought that was a hoax. Even if that was true, do they expect girls to steal brand off another person's body at a tea party or what?

>>8934166
>>you have to be wearing lolita to attend a meet or you won't be allowed to hang out with us
I thought that was a pretty standard rule for LOLITA comms? I know some allow ouji, aristocrat etc or other j-fash at some/all meets, but really it's not that weird?

Some of the other rules are a little strict I guess, but really how much of an inconvenience is it to say your name and pronouns? It's nice for new people regardless of pronouns because it immediately helps them put names to faces.

I've messaged two admins about joining a comm and neither have responded. I'm just about ready to give up. Why would someone not respond?

>>8934616
Might have gone to their 'other folder'
But as admins they should really be checking that

>>8934151
it's possible to be ftm and be okay with girly shit. a lot of trans people are dysphoric based on what their bodies/genitalia look like rather than their gender roles. wanting a flat chest, narrow hips, and a penis does not mean you can't like lolita.

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>>8933627
What was Tobi's reaction to being misgendered? He's such a chill guy it's hard to imagine him making a big deal of it.
Are you just embarrassed because you were corrected?

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>>8934659
why the fuck would anyone be embarrassed for using the wrong pronoun

>>8934166
This is really stupid, except for the last rule. I'd be a lonelolita if my comm was like that.

>>8934695
same reasons people get embarrassed for anything else.

>>8931976
But there is? All the meets are on the group FB, not just 'out' there

>>8933864
She ded

>>8931976
Yeah I have no idea what you're on about. We have an active Facebook group and girls all over south Florida. We just had a meet at the renfaire last weekend.
Try actually looking for the comm before complaining lol. "South Florida Lolitas"

>>8933627
The person you're referencing was selfish enough to wear fairy kei at the communities OTT party, uses people from neighboring communities, and has a cringey YouTube channel. That person is bad news, just stay away.

>>8931976
?? check the soflo lolita facebook

>>8934695
A lot of people get super defensive when they're corrected on something like someones gender. I always assumed it's because they're embarrassed.
I'm androgynous and strangers get really flustered when they think they've misgendered me.

>>8934858
>>8934991
I checked it out and saw I requested to join before but didn't see they require a PM. I'll do that

>>8935023
No one cares, snowflake

>>8934637
Yeah, if I was doing something wrong, then I'd like to know. It sucks being left out of the loop when they're the only comm in my area.

> mod plans a picnic
> Day of, ~25 people show up, nice turnout!
> picnic begins, Lolitas socializing
> mod and her group of friends leave to go to a restaurant
> every damn time.

Like they're trying to dupe someone's kid sister. I think they want to have exclusive meets without looking like dicks so they distract everyone else in the con with something lamer. Luckily this city has two main communities and they both host meets. The second community probably even stemmed from this clique bullshit, but I haven't been going to meets long enough to know for sure.

>>8936747
What comm is this? Vaguely sounds like my comm

>>8936747
How dare people hang out with their friends! At least they made one

>>8934496
UK comm?

>>8936747
That's kind of a dick move. While I'm sure people over 18 can handle themselves in a group, isn't the point of planning a meetup is seeing that the event goes smoothly til the end?

>>8936862
I mean...it's kind of like throwing a party, and then the host peacing out midway through, even though they invited everyone. It's poor form. If they wanted to hang out with their friends- couldnt they do it a different day, or wait until the meet was over?

>>8933733
>hips
lol no
The skirt sharp falls over hips and hides them. What are you talking about

>>8934987
It's so ~*selfish*~ to wear fairy kei when they got the mods permission, and we're photographing the event most of the time.
Are you salty they didn't get your good side, anon?

>>8937012
*were

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>>8936999
They used a poor example, but lolita designers create these dresses for girls, plain and simple. That alone does not make it genderless.

However, it is fine for anyone to wear these dresses. Fuck even Novala Takemoto says ~*anyone*~ can be a pretty princess lolita.

>>8937012
Not the person you were replying to. I wouldn't call it selfish, but it's tacky as fuck. The organizers are all too nice to say no.

>>8936747
What was the end time and what time did the hostess(es) leave? Hostesses are responsible for closing the meet at the stated end time (or if it is a picnic or other place people just want to stay after, thanking people for coming and announcing that the official meet is over.) Mods who are not hostesses can do as they please as can other guests including continuing on to another venue for afters with a smaller group of friends. This is common in regular social groups too. And it's perfectly ok etiquette-wise.
Otoh, if the official hostess left before the stated meet time she should be reported to the mod who should ask that all meet hostesses stay until the official meet end time unless there is some sort of good reason they just have to leave.

>>8924747
Kick her out of the comm. If she has vocally left, give her that helping hand out the door...

>>8924719
If I know someone in my com is bidding on it and it's their dream dress but not really also my dream dress, I would not bid against them.

But just finding an auction and bidding on something? Anything goes. Everything is probably someone's dream dress, and with over 100 girls in my comm I'm not going to avoid that many dream dresses. Only my closer friends share what they are bidding on and so far none of us has ever sniped another.

>>8924801
I wouldn't have even tried to ask if it was older unshirred AP and I had big bust. Looks promising. Huh.

And if I were the seller, I would have refused you, measurements or no. You had your mobile right? What is lolibrary, look up the measure. Also, can you not hold something up across your bust and judge fit? If it was that close of a call and no shirring, no, girl, no.

Future swap meet note to myself, try to have measurements but be firm and say no if any doubts. It's easier to sell on lace market.

>>8934616
Sometimes if you do not have anything visibly Lolita in your visible profile, they won't respond.
Also is there is anything questionable visible in your public profile that might cause a red flag? Sissy, perv, bigmouth tumblrina, weeb, argumentive political dipshit, etc? Not accusing, just asking.

>join comm
>ignore pinned FAQ/resources link
>"So how do I do lolita anyway duhurr"
I know it's already hot as hell here but it's not summer yet, pls go

>>8937336
Paste faq, maintain silence otherwise. Get a cooling drink because I fear summer has come early in some places.