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Lolita comms

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Old one autosage

Let's not pollute this one with tumblr worthy talks about sexual orientation.

>How many meets does your comm have a month?
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
>>
It's probably because it's Halloween, but I'm pretty sure my comm has had a meet/event every weekend this month so far, and with autumn/holiday season around the corner, it's probably gonna be like that until the end of the year. I feel a little spoiled when I say that it's a little overwhelming to have so many things going on, since it seems like there are a fair number of comms out there that are struggling to throw events together.. Like it's nice to be able to pick and choose which meets to go to, so I should just count my blessings.

I've only been to like two meetups, but our recent halloween tea party+Crimson Peak one was great.

>tfw cute Halloween coords
>tfw awesome movie
>tfw out in lolita with frilly friends and I run into a fucking student at the movie theater gg my ego is bruised for life
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Usually at least one. Sometimes two, sometimes zero. We are not extremely active.
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
That's a tough one.. we don't usually do themes. My favorite meetups have been ones from years ago when we actually went to high teas ect., and not just whatever was cheapest.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I host a fair amount of meetups for my comm. Me and a few other girls tend to take the initiative because no one else will set one up (even though organizing a meetup is usually nothing but endless complaining.)

I think we're planning on organizing a fancy tea for Christmas again this year, and have sort of a White Elephant thing to go along with it. Which I'm really excited about. Besides personal drama, I'm okay with my comm. There's a fair amount of well-dressed, nice girls--- but also some itas, girls who won't say a single word to you, or some really really creepy people. It's a bit of a mixed bag. I try to not come off as a bitch (even though I know I am one.)

There's a few of us who hang out outside of Lolita most of the time and are usually at most meetups, so I wonder if people call our comm cliquish. Oh well. We include everyone, but sometimes it just ends up that only we care enough to go to meets.

I feel like I really need to step up my Lolita game, though. I'm working on being cuter and better-coordinated. One day, I will be one of the cute ones. *shakes fist*
>>
>>8678648
I forgot to mention that there's a vendetta chan out to get the people in our comm on /cgl/ recently. Someone talked shit about us and always has nasty things to say whenever our comm/anyone from it gets brought up, however we have absolutely no clue who they are.

Just so you know, vendetta-chan: I'm glad you left our comm, we don't need your negativity here anyway.
>>
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>>8678637
>tfw October is a super busy month for work and I can't take any weekends off to go to those meets
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
I think it depends on the month but usually theres one or two at least.

>Whats been your favourite meetup/theme?
I'm not really sure, but i prefer meetups with smaller groups of people, it's more personal and i get anxious in larger groups.

>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I want to but it's hard to organize anything, i live so far away from my comm. I'm active within the community and i attend most meetups but i think it would be to troublesome to try and organize one. I would prefer to just hang out with one or two friends anyway.
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Casually speaking 2 or so, Official big OTT meets are every 2/3 months
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
Honestly? None- I like wearing lolita in a more everyday style so I often avoid the themed meets. Most girls in the comm go balls to the walls classic OTT or gothic so the pictures usually good.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
Nope, I'm a bit too far away and most girls want to do weekend only meets
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
2-3 depending on the season.

>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
Small cafe/tea house meets are my favorite, I like the intimacy and good food.

>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I host over half the meetups, so yeah.

I love my comm, it's pretty chill and active. Recently we've had an influx of young tumblr-ish people, which is weird (they come to meets and then keep to themselves) but all the regulars are great.
>>
So I had someone straight up ask me to buy them a dress, new from website, and then let me have them pay me back on a payment plan because they couldn't afford it at once. What the fuck makes anyone think that that's okay to ask? We're not good friends. They know my financial situation. I'm not rich, I'm just really good at budgeting so I'm almost always able to buy the dresses I want from my list. They know this because I taught them how I budget and helped them create theirs.

I'm just really taken back and fucking irritated that someone would have the balls to just ask me to shell out $400 for them, after I just told them I bought 4 things from the same release. It's not my fault you didn't save money, it's not my responsibility to help you get your dream dress.

Honestly, I don't think I want to be this person's friend anymore. Such an awkward situation to be placed in.
>>
>>8679263
Was it Holy Lantern? I had a girl awkwardly ask me to lend her money at a meet last weekend so she could afford the pink zipper JSK.
>>
There's a girl on my comm's facebook page who's made a few posts asking questions that could easily be answered by googling and for some reason it's making me unreasonably salty
>>
I asked in the last thread but got no reply presumably because of the sexuality drama so I'll try again;

How's the south FL comm? Are there many members? Are they well dressed? Is there lots of drama? Any comm members I should avoid? Etc.

I'm a little nervous to join since I just started and I'm not sure if my coord skills are good enough to join a community yet. I also have social and I'm wondering how big is the average meet?
>>
Questions from an outsider:
>have you all ever had the problem of sissy fetishists getting into your comms? how did it pan out? what were they like?
>why do comms (both cosplay and lolits ones) always seem to be so drama-heavy and poisonous?
>>
>>8679341
I understand why you're salty, some newbies can be like that. It's frustrating but maybe try guiding her a bit? You don't have to answer her questions outright, but you could give her a slight push in the right direction (if she's asking about petticoats for example, simply link her to a guide about petticoats) and then point out that many of her questions can be answered by googling. Some people don't even think about using Google and just need to be reminded of its existence.
>>
>>8679388
>sissy fetishists
Never had that problem in our comm. Idk how common that is.

>drama
You're getting a large group of people with different personalities together. It doesn't matter if you share one interest, people clash. Drama is everywhere.

I think one reason it's prevalent in these communities, however, is because people feel a need to do it better than the next person (spend more money, have better skills, etc.).
>>
>>8679306
Yes! I just wanted to tell them that it was their fault for not planning ahead. Although it's impossible to predict what AP will do, I had a small amount of money saved up specifically for it in case it popped up on auction.

They wanted the OP though which was part of the rerelease. They could have planned better for that shit.

Wtf makes people think they can just ask people for stupid shit like that?
>>
>>8679412

Yes, this is true - I realize I'm being a little harsh, haha. I guess it's because I'm fairly new myself but I spend a lot of time researching stuff before asking the comm, so seeing this girl get spoonfed by the other girls just annoys me...
>>
>>8679388
>sissies
Only once. It took a while to get the mods to ban him, though. They didn't have any evidence that he was a creep, he was just an awkward older dude who dressed badly. Then one of the under 18s went to one of the older girls in the comm and showed her a series of FB messages. Turns out, he'd been targeting the underage and shy members with really inappropriate questions, knowing they would be too timid to tell him off.

Older member told the underage member to go to the mods. She did. The mods quietly asked around with other underage members and found out that he'd been doing this with at least three other girls. Banned him without a word. When he PMed one of the mods about why and was told his conduct was inappropriate and unwelcome, and that if he showed up at a meet again they'd call the police, he pulled the "but they didn't complain! They liked it!" bullshit. By this point in time, the mods had told all of the girls he'd been messaging to remove and block him. He cried "BULLIES!" but that was kind of the end of it.

Technically, I feel like they should have gone to the police with those messages he was sending as well. They were fucking creepy as shit from what little I heard.

>drama
Lots of people in one place who only share one common interest. This is basically a recipe for drama, because you're going to have personality clashes no matter what. You're also going to have people who are jealous/bitter about someone else having more money, more brand, better sewing skills, or whatever. It's just a bunch of a lot of things that occur in daily life, but fermented in a tiny community such that it tends to eventually explode.

Add to that a lot of these people are socially awkward to begin with, have the thirst for e-fame and recognition from peers, and it gets just that much worse.
>>
What's the Toronto Com like?
>>
>>8678648
>>8678649
Atlanta?
>>
>>8679446
Nah, it's alright. I try my best to help newbies whenever possible but seeing the same google-able questions so often does grate my nerves, so I understand where you're coming from.
>>
>>8679263
Stuff like this makes me want to open up a Lolita bank or something
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
There is a meet every two months or so, many meets get canceled due to lack of interest.
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
Something like picnic meets, that doesn't involve too much walking around.
My comm doesn't do themed meets afaik.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
Nope. My comm is fairly large but it is split into many little subgoups of like 3-4 people who all stick by theirselves and don't like to interact with the others at all. There is no strong tie or sense of belonging between everyone as a comm as a whole. That's why we have so few meets and lacking attendance in general.
I went to a few meets in the past but wasn't able to socialize at all. The cliques stick to each other that no matter what. I felt alienated and out of place so I left the comm recently.
>>
>>8679507
my exact thoughts anon
>>
>>8679341
Oh god same here but it's not always the same girl. Just stupid questions like "where do i buy lolita?" grind my gears.
>>
>>8679388
>sissies

Never had much experience with that. The brolitas that come to meets are all very well-dressed and interested specifically in the fashion, whatever their sexuality might be never comes up.

>why do comms suck generally
I think because these are hobby groups that draw from a largely weeb-ish, young crowd. I'm a lolita, not a cosplayer, but it seems like a lack of social graces and maturity combine to create the poisonous drama that hits a lot of comms. Jealousy seems to be the source of a lot of it.
>>
>>8678648
>>8678649

How do you know they left your comm if you don't know who they are? They could just be silent, biding their time.
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
We try for one but it seems like everyone has been super busy lately.
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
I really like the tea party meet ups that we've had.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I've tried, believe me I've tried.
>>
>>8679500
everyone is really nice and well-dressed. their meets are fun but there's not an official monthly meetup anymore because they outgrew cafe princess. still, worth going to. check them out.
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Usually two or three. It comes down to how much free time I have to plan or how often people visit from out of town.

>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
My favorite meet was probably last ILD, since everything went so smoothly and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves.

>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I host or co-host almost every meet, which has gotten frustrating. Three Halloween themed meets this week and next. Have to start thinking about winterILD soon.
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
There's usually at least one, often more, probably like 2-3 is average. It's a nice big comm so we have lots of opportunities for meetups.

>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
Let's see, we had a dessert theme that was a lot of fun, since desserts are such a common motif in lolita prints!

>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I have in the past, in other comms I've been in, but the comm here is so big that normally a few girls who are admins set up the meets. It makes it easier to have other people take hold of the responsibility.
>>
>>8678629
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Usually there is at least one planned meet-up, and usually or at least most of the time someone may also post in the group for a quick, last-minute, simple get-together a few people will go to.
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
I have been to too many themed meet-ups but the nautical themed meet-up my comm had to go to an aquarium was cool; it was nice to see some of the unique coordinates people had, there were actually quite a few different dresses and no repeats. I thought I would be seeing a shitload of those bodyline IW replica sailor dresses or that KL jellyfish print.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
Yes. I've hosted one already where we went to a museum. I have 2 more that are in the works.
>>
>>8679684
My comm had an aquarium meetup, too, that was nautical themed and everyone looked so cute! I wonder if it was the same comm or if this is just a very common thing to do (which is believable haha!) We have a museum meetup this weekend, too...
>>
>>8678637
Are you a teacher, Tim? When I was teaching in grad school, I never wore lolita in my college town because I dreaded running into students. This might seem crazy, but I would travel two hours to the next biggest city for meetups to avoid this kind of thing.
>>
>>8679388
>have you all ever had the problem of sissy fetishists getting into your comms? how did it pan out? what were they like?

I have spied one person like this at a meet, but I think people shunned him to the point that he just left.

>why do comms (both cosplay and lolits ones) always seem to be so drama-heavy and poisonous?

I would say jealousy, in general, is a big source of drama from what I've seen. But to be more specific, a lot of girls have anxiety about fitting in, which is why you get so many posts like, "I want to wear lolita but I'm scared of getting bullied!" or "I haven't been to a meetup yet because I'll be called an ita and get posted on Behind the Bows!" People want to feel accepted, and anything that makes them feel rejected, whether there's direct bullying or an internalized inferiority complex, will cause people to feel resentful and maybe start doing shitty things like spreading rumors about the person they think has slighted them.

I personally thought I might avoid drama by withdrawing from the main comm and hanging out with 2-3 close friends, but then people started accusing me of being an elitist and saying I was intentionally excluding people. There's really no way to win.
>>
I just won an auction on y!a not knowing I was bidding against another girl in my comm. She made a post about it being her dream dress and she's crushed she didn't win it. We're not exactly close but I don't want to be on bad terms with her

What should I do? I paid a hefty amount and it's not a dress that comes up often
>>
>>8679745

You don't owe her the dress, she should've been willing to pay the going price which you clearly were. Just keep it, don't mention it, and if she asks about it, say you've had it for a while or say you got it on LM or something.
>>
>>8679745
Why would you be on bad terms with her? She didn't win so just let her sulk. Not sure why you would even ask what to do but do you even want the dress that much? When I was reading your post I thought you were going to suggest giving it to her.
You could have just worn it without her knowing so you shouldn't have posted if you cared about her feelings that much.
>>
>>8679500
dank
>>
>>8679749
Just avoid wearing it for a while and if you feel guilty we if you can find another auction she can bid on
>>
>>8679507
No, not Atlanta. We have drama I suppose, but nothing like that.

>>8679578
They said on /cgl/ that they 'left the comm' because we were all a bunch of meanies, lol. But maybe they just stirred up drama for no reason.
>>
>>8679684
>>8679702
What comm?
>>
>>8679745
I've had beef like this in my comm with another girl. We weren't gunning for the same auction but she was pissed that I had gotten the dress at all because it was her dream dress as well. She ended up being a huge bitch about it, talked the load of shit, and now we're not friends anymore.

Love the dress, and enjoy it. You earned it. If she's a big girl, she'll get over it
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>>8679772
San Diego (I'm >>8679702 ))
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>>8678637
Sf comm right?
Haha I think I know who
>>
>>8679745
Oh man, hawkward. I don't think you can really tell her without things getting worse, unless you're willing to sell her the dress. My advice is to just play ignorant like you didn't see her post. The time between now and when you actually get your dress and wear it when she might see it is gonna be long enough for her not to make the connection that you won it against her, I think. You could probably even say, "Yeah i bought this off y!a" or whatever and just play ignorant about it all.
>>
Anyone here from the Huntington, WV/Tri-State community? I only know of a few lolitas around here, one being some chick named Alicia. She's complained about people mentioning her on /cgl/ before, so I presume there's some other /tristate/ lurkers?
>>
>>8679772
>>8679702

I'm from new england haha. yeah nautical themed aquarium meets I find are somewhat common; it's an idea that makes a lot of sense!
>>
>>8679792
>>8679810
That's a great idea! I'm going to have to steal it, haha. Thanks for the inspiration~
>>
>>8679594
I heard that there are a lot of gossipy and catty girls. I'm just a little bit scared.
>>
>>8679861
It's a big comm, and most of the members are pretty nice. Even the gossipy types are pretty civil.
>>
>>8679768

I'm guessing either Arizona or Ohio then?
>>
>>8679745
You had no way of knowing she was bidding too. If she is mature, she won't be mad at you for getting it even if she is sad she didn't. Is there any reason for you to expect her to react badly if she finds out you won it?
>>
>>8679893
No, sorry. Still not right. We've never had anyone trash talk our comm before the last few comm threads (I think.)

Oh well. I'm really happy I'm in my comm.
>>
>>8679861
Are you going to the november meetings? It could be a good way to start out in the comm. I'm thinking of going but I have some even dumber concerns than yours.
>>
>>8679745
Did you happen to know if it was her dream dress? If not then, I would wait to wear it and say that you got lucky in finding it. You don't owe her any details other than that. She will be alright
>>
>>8679931
like what anon, let it it all out
>>
>>8679709
Yeah! I teach high school. I always underestimate the chances of seeing students outside of school since a lot of them don't leave their city/town. This was probably one of those times. It was fine, though. They were definitely my more chill students, and when I saw them at school, one was more surprised by my makeup than my dress

That doesn't seem that crazy to me, though, and everyone has different professional/personal life boundaries.
>>
>>8678637
>burning with the jealously of a thousand suns because of all your meetups.
>>
>>8680027
Well, first of all, apologizes if it reeks too much of blogging.
I've moved to Toronto very, very recently. Less than 3 months. Before that, I spent my whole life in another country. I'm still getting used to a culture completely from mine, so even if I walked around the city occasionally, it is still a bit hard to summon enough courage to go a meeting. This brings me to the next point: I'm a considerably shy person (I took medicine at one point in my life), specially when it comes to meeting people I've never met. So it'd be a challenge to go there and have to introduce myself to other people.
I went to this meeting with some people from another board recently and there were times I didn't introduce myself or reply to a few of them because of how nervous I was. I felt like locking myself up in a bathroom (it all worked out though). Now, there's also the fact that it's a lolita meeting (duh). It relates a lot with appearance, and I'm not very confident in my coord (even though I got good feedback from the coord thread) as I actually got started into the whole hobby not very long ago.
Then there are two important things: I'm not a girl ;_; (not trans though). even though I'm very androgynous (smaller than the average height, very thin, small waist, soft facial features, etc.) and my voice is fairly neutral, it still makes me nervous to go outside wearing a dress, mainly because I live in a residence, so I'm scared of people from my floor seeing me when I go to, or come back from the meeting. I mean, even if I'm passable, many see me everyday, so I'm still scared of bullying or some kind of ostracizing. I know I should just not care, but it's hard. There's a bunch of anti-bullying rules in my res but it's not like this can stop me from being excluded. I don't know, everything in the end weighs on my back and I feel like just staying in my small room.
>>
Does anyone know much about upstate NY comms? I'm in the Albany area (45 minutes away) for college now and I'd like to find one.
>>
>>8680119
Anon, drop a throwaway email. I'm in the Toronto comm and I'd be happy to help you kind of ease into things, if you want.
>>
>>8679745
Give some time for her to sulk. I think anyone would feel crushed if they lost the auction on a dream dress that rarely pops up. The advice of others makes sense; don't wear immediately, claim that you had it for a while. But, let her be disappointed. It isn't all about you. Auctions can be lost for technical issues, or whatever. She lost her dream dress.
>>
>>8679745
>>8679787

Do people really have so little problems in their lives that they pitch a fit about not getting a dress that somebody else has? Seriously? My faith in humanity is running out the door.
>>
>>8680131
Alright, thank you anon!
>>
>>8679263
We had a younger member in our comm do this. And a few girls actually gave her money to buy a dress. Which took her a year to pay back. Don't ever lend someone money. Lolita isn't a a necessity.
>>
>>8679359
>Are there many members?
not really
>Are they well dressed?
not really
>Is there lots of drama?
dunno
>Any comm members I should avoid?
dunno

it's not a particularly big or well-dressed comm, seems like less than 10 people at meets usually. the central florida comm is bigger and because of that they may have some more well dressed members
>>
>>8680128
Check out Albany and Capital Region NY Lolitas on Fb. They're a fun, nice group and they really like food.
>>
>>8680216
That's on a whole other level of begging. Your poor comm. How awkward.
>>
Can someone explain why lolitas left the SF comm? Something about drama, toxic community, clique group with a drama queen who is always at events? I feel like I missed something because I'm unaware of this "drama."
>>
>>8679517
Maybe it would help to chat with people online before the meet. Or make your own smaller meet. I used to host meets frequently in a city that sounds like what you're describing. I made a group of friends and just kept inviting them. When that group was not abailable, I made a new one. And same deal.
>>
>>8681112
Oh man, I'm visiting SF soon and hope there won't be any negativity.... now I'm having 2nd thoughts
>>
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>>8681112
>mfw I was about to join that comm
>mfw it's the only comm close to me
>>
>>8678629

It seems like lolita comms are becoming more like social circles as opposed to area-based meetups. Maybe I only see this because I'm on the east coast near a number of major cities but I feel like its harder to break into groups. "New" people who come to meetups are often floaters who have been "in" many groups but left for some reason or another. It seems super intimidating to me! Instead of trying to go to big meets I usually wait for smaller groups where it seems less like a socialite club.
>>
>>8681112
I have no idea who this drama queen is supposed to be. Yes, there are tight-knit friend circles but everything is very friendly at meets and any drama happens behind the scenes between individuals. The only times we've had public drama was when we kicked out MB and when we kicked out Ellejay (on that note maybe Ellejay was the drama queen you'very heard about?)
>>
>>8681112
lolitas leave any community for a variety of reasons. afaik the only one who publicly left out comm was chanel and nobody gives a fuck about her

most of my friends are just getting older and slowly moving away from comms. we have boyfriends, girlfriends, and soon to be kids to take care of. plus the newer wave of members are overtly tumblr/PC/SJW and we don't have the patience for that shit anymore

>used to be really active in sf comm
>comm coddled phil/MB/other fucking creeps for too long
>had bad standing with some drama mongers *cough*ellejay*cough*
>mods FINALLY decided to stand up and take action
>new influx of members from everywhere
>now coddling socially awkward weebs
>>
>>8681305
>>8681307
Just have private meetups with lolita friends. I believe this is something the SF Comm should move towards. It has worked wonders in the NY Comm.
>>
>>8681316

>>8681307 here. it's what we already do, but we don't really call them meetups. we're just friends hanging out
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Usually we have one twice a month, sometimes three if we're lucky!
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
We had a Disney theme once which was really fun! The meet itself felt kind of segregated but it was nice to see mostly everyone follow the theme.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I always host 1 meet up every month. It's quite nice considering it's more of a social gathering amongst friends than an actual comm meet!

I'd like to take a break soon from hosting meets since my personal life is getting rather hectic. But I'm worried that a lot of people will be disappointed, especially since it doesn't seem like there's anyone who'll take my place. Oh well.
>>
Why does everyone insist on dragging along their husband/boyfriend? Why?
>>
>>8681895
It proves they're not a socially awkward loser.
>>
How's the Orlando comm? My job is looking to move me there in a couple months.
>>
>>8681112
if you're talking about recent events..
A pretty well known person left, but she has threatened to leave before. She isn't currently in the group.
One left because he thought people were gossiping about him, he tried to find out who it was (which is really hard to do in a group of 700 people), and I guess he needed personal space (He was posted to the ita thread....like once in an entire year of being pretty active. He was reasonably well liked)
And then the third left because she is friends with person two I think.
>>
>>8681189
>>8681198
don't worry about it.
of course, there will be those that get stressed out by social situations and need time to work their stuff out.
>>
If anyone from Indianapolis is reading this, please email me. I wanna be part of your comm but don't know anyone and haven't seen any of your events posted.

I try to be very nice and helpful to people, like to buy things, and would never bring my bf to anything, cause drama, or complain about anything in the comm
>>
>>8681898
I always feel like it has the opposite effect. What kind of grown-ass adult can't go to a meet-up without a chaperone or security blanket?
>>
>>8681962
Maybe the sarcasm didn't come through. People who do it think they're proving to the comm that they're not socially awkward losers.
>>
>>8681967
Sorry, the sarcasm didn't make it. No.

And I agree on that point, clearly.
>>
>>8681913
I'm almost positive at least half of the drama "person two" was talking about was in thier head. They are very anxious in general and tend to overreact in situations that don't go thier way...

Most of the time everyone in the comm is pretty chill, lots of old members avoid the monthly meets because they are quite large and have the most noobs attending. It gets tiring after a while of hanging out in Japantown on the weekend when tourists and weebs want to take photos of us.
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Typically 1 every weekend? It depends on the month (like if there's a holiday) or if someone has a birthday. Our comm is pretty big (even just active members alone) so we will have different meetups all over the place on the weekends.
>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
I love birthday meet ups a lot! Recently we branched out and went to a new location instead of the ones that we usually go to and it was super super nice.
>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
I've hosted a few but I think I'm waiting until the new year! Because there are so many of us active, we have to claim dates far in advance just so we know there's nothing else going on that day that might majorly interfere.
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>>8681962
Ones that have anxiety? It can be hard for some people to be around new people until they get to know thevothers well enough.

Its nice to have someone familiar around who can take you home if you have a panic attack.
I used to be really bad about getting random panic attacks and its an awful feeling to want to get to know new people and make new friends but only to have your body betray you.
>>
>>8681198
Nooo join the comm I want more seagull friends

Also keep in mind that the SF Bay area is pretty huge, so meets may vary from region to region. I've only been to meets in the South Bay because they're closest to me and they've been full of generally very chill, lowkey people, many of whom are really well-dressed and nice. I think East Bay might attract a few more crazies because it's East Bay, SF is probably a crapshoot, and North Bay might be a little weird too because they're all neurotic white people. But these are completely unfounded guesses. I could be full of shit.

There might be a learning curve, but once you figure out where cool people are or which area fits you better, it's easier to stick to those meets and those particular people. I'm still new, but I'm kind of figuring out which names- good and bad- to look out for.
>>
>>8682042
If you're at the point where you have panic attacks because you're not around someone familiar, you're probably at the point where you need to seek therapy and medication.
>>
>How many meets does your comm have a month?
Generally 1 a month, sometimes more or less.

>What's been your favorite meet up/theme?
I like cafe or high tea meets best. Cause food, private and away from normies staring. Also best theme this year was twinning, mainly cause I just love twinning.

>Are you planning to host any meet ups of your own?
Have already hosted and co-hosted a few meets this year and might host the ILD meet up if no one else does. But unsure on what to do.

Overall I'm happy with my comm and like when meets are actually successful with a good show. Recently had an influx of new members which is nice but I've found myself leaning to attending more casual or smaller meets with the people I'm already close with.
>>
>>8682051
isnt facing your fears the best way to overcome them? not the anon you replied to btw
>>
>>8682051
One session of therapy and a few pills don't cure you overnight though. It takes time and willpower. Some therapists will actually give you tasks/goals to complete, sometimes things like trying to socialize. Anons with severe anxiety who still put themselves out there are brave. If they need a support until they can handle it on their own, then so be it.
>>
>>8682082
Sometimes it's just helpful to have a professional guide you through things and explain why things happen the way they do, even if you know it already. It's just nice to hear it from a professional.

From somebody who's suffered from panic attacks and been to therapy.
>>
>>8681307
Ahaha shit, Chanel left the comm? I'm sorry to have missed that but thank fucking god.
>>
>>8682051
I do agree with you. Mine only happen when I travel or am in an unfamiliar place. Once I'm comfortable or if I'm in a relatively familiar area I'm perfectly fine. My regular day to day life isn't effected by them.
>>
Is the better NY comm on private or no? I'm visiting NY in December and I'm not sure who to contact for a meet.
>>
>>8682085
This. For some reason many people seem to think that anyone with anxiety issues must not be getting professional help because if they were getting professional help they wouldn't be having anxiety issues... which isn't how these things work. Therapy isn't some instant fix, and it's not like we get locked up in some inpatient clinic away from the rest of the world until we're all normal again. We're out there, living our lives just like anyone else.
Sorry for the rant. It has been really getting on my nerves lately how any time I confide in someone that I have anxiety issues they go "oh well you should go get therapy and medication for that" without even considering that maybe I'm already doing this and it just takes time.

I personally wouldn't drag an uninterested party along to a lolita meetup, though. I'd feel so guilty and worried that they're not enjoying themselves and I'm being a nuisance. Generally when I go to a meet I take meds and leave when I feel an anxiety attack coming up. It's not ideal, but I like to think that this way at least I'm not bothering anyone.
>>
>>8681967
The girls in my comm that bring boyfriends do so because eveyone else that can does.

With normies forced to tag along, people suggest going drinking and casual shit like that. Which would be fine if we were a group of close friends instead of an online community of acquaintances that constantly takes in new (often underage) members.
>>
>>8682180
If you know a friend in the NY Comm, you'll be fine.
>>
>>8680328
Thanks so much anon! I really feel a lot better about joining.
>>
Anyone from the West Virginia/Tri-state comm? I've seen a few lolitas around here, but the only one I know is a crazy sjw.
>>
>>8682802
West Virginia is sort of a barren wasteland for lolita fashion. The Northern Panhandle and Morgantown goes to Pittsburgh and the Eastern Panhandle goes to Washington.

Has there been a WV Comm created? Tbh, I don't think one has been created.
>>
>>8682911
What about Huntington/Charleston? There's a bit of a cosplay community around there- seen lolitas at cons nearby a few times too.
>>
>>8682443
Tfw know multiple people in from the nice comm but never get invited. Im not even an ita. I do have a nice non comm specific group for meetups, but still wonder why not. Maybe it's because I'm fb friends with a bunch of people from the ita comm?
Tbh at this point I kind of see why the "nice comm" is seen as elitist and snobby and if I do ever meet them I will probably have a shitty opinion of them anyway and not stick around. I still wonder wtf their deal is though.
>>
>>8682958
Why don't you ask one of your friends to just bring you along?
>>
>>8681307
I accidentally say super spaghetti things at meets and then regret saying it like 2 seconds later. I wouldn't be surprised if I was one of the lolitas that SF secretly hates.
>>
>>8681956
Join the FB group? I'm not in the comm yet but have friends who are. The FB group seems to be where everything is posted/organized.
>>
>>8682180
Search for the group New York Lolitas on Facebook and post that you're conning into town. During the last year people have been pretty good about stepping up to organize meets for out of town guests.
>>
>>8682241
There have been a lot of published research studies in the last year or two that have shown that anxiety is actually fairly easy to treat with proper therapy techniques. I'm someone who was also in therapy for a long time without any significant improvement, and someone pointed out that my therapist might actually be ineffective. I switched therapists and started improving after a few months. It's kind of demented, but some therapists are actually incentivized to not help you improve. If you get better and don't need therapy anymore, then they won't get anymore money, right? So if it's taking you a long time to overcome your anxiety issues with a therapist, it might be good to examine your relationship and decide if it would be better to see someone more effective.
>>
>>8682958
It's been said about other comms that have a "nice comm"...are you sure the "nice comm" isn't actually just a group of friends who hang out together? If it's just a group of friends, they probably wouldn't invite people they don't know to their hangouts, no matter how nicely they dress.
>>
>>8682958
I had this problem but I managed to go to a couple of their meets only to find out they really suck to spend time with. Perhaps you're not boring and basic enough. who knows
>>
>>8682988
I really don't know who you are, but if hats all you've done- you're fine anon.
It's when people make rants online that we get annoyed.
Some people need a PR team
>>
>>8679459
Is that guy from New York
>>
>>8683119
oh phew i'm probably safe then. i've never written an online rant or anything bad. i'm just super awkward at meets because i've been bad at socializing ever since i was a kid and i accidentally say things that make me want to kick myself.
>>
>>8683067
Not really, it's a rather sizable comm. The biggest reason I am interested is because they seem to have very interesting and themed meets. The other more welcoming comm barely has any events. The artsy group is nice but also barely active. I actually am the one that sticks to mostly friend hang outs.

>>8682983
I really don't want to be that girl that invites herself to things, or asks for an invite. It's one thing to take initiative to make friends at a huge meet, but it's another to beg to be part of a clique.
>>
>>8683011
Wow I just realized why I got rejected. I didn't know how fb pages worked and didn't see the requirements to join. Hopefully they accept me now that I put my location down. That's embarrassing af, I've been trying to join for a few months.
>>
There's this creepy old guy that follows a good handful of j-fashion pages in addition to all these Asian porn pages.
>>
>>8679359
>Are there many members?

About 90 or so, but only 20 or so are active.

>Are they well dressed?
It's a mixed bag. Some are very well dressed, others are newer to the fashion.

>Is there lots of drama?
Not really

>Any comm members I should avoid?
Everyone is pretty nice

>how big is the average meet?
Anywhere from 5 to 15 typically, but some are as big as 20.

I wouldn't worry about your coord skills. Everyone is really welcoming and the more experienced members are always happy to help.
>>
>>8683185
If you have friends who are members of the good comm and they have never invited you to meets, there's a good chance they think you might not click with the other group. I also have friends in different groups, but I would never invite some people from one group to hang out with the other group because they have nothing in common and would probably annoy each other. One group is mostly Bodyline-chans who dress OK, but are weebs and we mostly hang out at anime cons together. The other group has no interest in anime, and they're really into things like nice afternoon teas and antique shopping. From the few times I've seen girls from both groups in the same place, they generally seem to have no interest in each other, so I'm not sure I would even know if someone from Group 1 really wanted to go to a meet being hosted by Group 2.
>>
>>8683170
A lot of us are awkward, I feel you anon
>>
Good god the amount of salt in btb under the sf comm secret was concentrated today.
>>
>>8682051
>>8683061
Ignorance is less attractive than dirty bloomers.

You're talking about simple anxiety disorder. There are PTSD sufferers, OCD, full blown agoraphobia. If anyone has one of those things and they need someone to politely remain in the background, mind your nose. It isn't your business. Unless they are full on cringe spurgers and lolcows, it isn't your business.

I think you need remedial lessons is how not to be a superior jackass. Allow me to direct you towards: >>8682085 >>8682241

For some sufferers, just leaving the house is a step towards accomplishment. Remove your superior bitch stick out of your ass. They may never be "normal," but at least they are trying. Believe it or not, mental disorders can often be like cancer; incurable, but only manageable.
>>
>>8683212
>more poopers
Ahahahaha what the fuck
>>
>>8684063
"butts"
>>
>>8684044
if you need that then you shouldn't go. people should fix their shit before making others suffer. they don't deserve to be there or anywhere, it's an event for everyone not for them. and if it's the only thing that makes them happy they need way more help than just for anxiety.
>>
>>8684025
It's not that hard for all the salt to concentrate under one secret when there's only 14 secrets.
Also I don't see that much salt, only people asking who that secret is talking about which I'm curious about too.
>>
>>8684247
Did you see the person complaint about the ottea hosts? I would say kinda bitchy
>>
>>8682988
This happened to me and I was kicked out without any information or feedback. You will get banned from SF for spaghetti comments.
>>
>>8684300
Uhm no.
Sf comm has three bans- MB, ellejay, and a sissy dude.
Stop trying to make your podunk comm look better by insulting others
>>
>>8684309
Who is sissy dude? I haven't heard of this person before.
>>
>>8684104
Not any previous anon, but how is having someone staying out of the way making anyone suffer? It's not like you have to interact with them.
>>
>>8684352
His initials are j a
If you're in the comm, it's on a sticky post
If you're not in the comm, join or stop asking
>>
>>8682988
People say spaghetti things, no worries. Even if it happens a lot, I don't think people will hate you on that alone unless what you're saying is full-on incendiary. I also think acknowledging how spaghetti you sound or just apologizing for it helps a lot- that way, others know that you're actually aware of it and are more inclined to see it as a quirk or weird habit than something you're doing for attention or just to be obnoxious.
>>
>>8684104
>people should fix their shit before making others suffer
The fuck are you talking about? Is this still talking about bringing a friend to a meet? Unless the +1 is creepy or something, you can shove that salty "suffering" up your ass. You sound so entitled, and that's so much worse than bringing a friend to a meet in order to feel comfortable.
>>
>>8684104
You sound like a cunt.
Sorry, but I'm not letting my issues stop me from trying to live a normal life. If you don't want to interact with someone who is quieter then don't.
>>
>>8684300
Newfag here, what does "spaghetti comments" mean exactly?
>>
>>8684767
nayrt but you have to be downright abusive to get banned from the comm. There are a lot of socially awkward people but most everyone is welcoming and non-judgmental.
>>
Does anyone know about the a lolita's bf who cheated on another lolita and is now in a relationship with her? Don't know which Comm, but it has gotten ugly.
>>
>>8684767
it means being awkward and kind of embarrassing yourself
>>
>>8684025
Does the secret-maker want to spill who it was about?
I have my own assumption but it's a big group so maybe it's my own vendetta showing.
(Although I know I'm not the only one who dislikes this one spoiled brat)
>>
Anything on the community in Las Vegas? I am planning to visit there and haven't heard anything about it only that there is a small one there.
>>
>>8684829
Does it have to do with jpop summit?
If it's who I think it is, then you may know
>>
>>8684309
And Phil
>>
>>8684795

I dont think so? It seems chill to me. I know the people in question, but my impression was that it was kept relatively private. People aren't talking about it on the fb comm page. It's not like Houston levels with the group splintering - and it's not like they're a huge influence on the comm either. Funny I found out recently that the ex-bf had long unfriended me before I heard what happened.

After putting up with lolcows in the past, it seems like the mods would rather have people deal with their own drama and not be responsible for the individual's behavior.
>>
>>8684309
did ellejay get banned for the whole converting to islam for notes thing or was there other drama surrounding her?
>>
>>8684829
It's so vague and most of the comments are so opinion based that it doesn't point to any specific comm member.
An anon did ask to get it removed in the comments so I guess they figured out it was about them.

>>8684900
Iirc when all the drama was going down, people came forward and admitted that she sexually harassed them and she was banned for that.
>>
>>8684838
Vegas member here! We just had a meetup tonight, and our next one is on November 13. However, if you join the Las Vegas Lolitas group on FB and post that you'll be visiting there, then we will try to arrange a meetup just for you!
>>
The melbourne comm has completely gone to shit lately. All the decently dressed girls don't really show up at meets anymore and the rest are just shitty sweet newbs. We just had the halloween meet and it was lame and nobody came. Everyone is really sick of the venue but no one wants to offend the girl who keeps hosting all the meets there. Also not sure why everyone on /cgl/ thinks we're such a perfect comm, obviously we just hide our drama well.
>>
>>8685005
I think we just need more meets at nice venues people actually want to go to, the dan should be kept for activity meets exclusively. I mean we have had no just nice high teas or anything except for ones that pepfox has hosted, and they had amazing turnouts with great coords. We need more meets people actually want to get dressed up for again.
>>
>>8685009
The secret Melbourne chinese comm got a tea party together, and everyone looked great, I wished the main comm can do something like that. The pepfox tea part looked amazing as well. I really want a goddamn tea party, in a nice venue with good food and great company, is that too much to ask?

>>8685005
I think the venue is just boring now, it's one empty room with terrible lightning and lacks the lolita aesthetics. I really appreciate that the girl puts effort into making these events, especially with how dead the Melbourne comm is.
>>
>>8685016
I didn't realize they were going for secret. It looked like there were a few not from the Chinese comm there as well. I just want nice simple meets at lolitaesque venues like that organised for the whole comm.
>>8685005
Also just on the shitty sweet newbs thing, there are only a few including the CDC girl that have been into lolita a short enough time to still be classed as a newbie unfortunately.
>>
>>8685016
I don't think that Chinese meet was a secret.

I wouldn't call Melb dead though. There seems to be a meet at least once a month. The comm is big enough that we can manage to pull that off. Just seems like there are a lot of meets that are not to everyone's liking which is fair.
>>
And bloodmyers cycle repeats
>>
>>8685005
I think the decently dressed girls you speak of arent showing up because theyre busy with their studies or working longer hours, whereas the newer sweet girls still all seem to be in highschool so have a lot more time on their hands. I am hopeful for the end of year meets that more members will turn up. Today was definitely a great example of a very lacklustre meet.
>>
>>8685094
Yeah isn't end of october when most girls have uni exams and assignments due?

What happened at the melb meet? (neighbouring state here)
>>
>>8685094
Same thing happened with syd comm
>>
>>8685127
Who on earth was that girl wearing the ripped replica skirt and the clown makeup?
>>
>>8685005
I totally agree with this. Only a few well dressed girls show up each meet, and older members who used to dress well have become lazy.
All the drama is just bubbling under the surface, I wonder how long it will be before the pot spills.
>>
>>8685128
not sure, I didn't go today?
>>
>>8685134
I don't think its that they're lazy so much as they just don't want to wear lolita much/be a part of the comm anymore. And that's fair because the comm isn't really worth being a part of right now.

>>8685123
Nothing really, we just had our Halloween meet at this pub function room, where we've had the last several meets and it really ruined the vibe. The lighting there isn't nice, it's not that convenient to get to and we usually have a picnic in a park instead which suits it much better. The turnout was much smaller than most years too.
>>
There's this one girl in my comm that's really cute, but she always namedrops her prints.
it's getting repetitive, especially when the print isn't her favorite, or even new. I would understand if she was wearing it out for the first time, but....
Ex: getting coffee in classic fairy tales !!
>>
>>8686126
maybe she's preemptively warding off the "what's that dress called?" comments?
>>
>>8684778
I was socially awkward too. I was banned by SF because of it.
>>
>>8686208
shut up.
>>
>>8686172
^this is fair
>>
>>8685128
She's been in the comm for a while but I met her for the first time, she's funny as and she seems to know what she's doing style wise. It's just a not giving a fuck thing.
>>
>>8683170
I feel you. Sometimes I can reduce (but not completely eliminate) the awkwardness I cause if I say "sorry, I made the conversation go in an entirely different direction", or "sorry, I said something weird, could you please pass me the sugar? I think I need some"

I've found that if I acknowledge it openly, people who are also socially awkward feel a little more at ease and open up (or even say something like "I was just thinking that myself, but I was too scared to say it").

I think a lot of us who are into this fashion are awkward to some extent anyway.
>>
>>8686126
wtf is wrong with that? You sound jelly
>>
>>8685128
Pics of this monstrosity
>>
>>8686309

No photos have been posted yet, as far as I know.
>>
>>8686126
Maybe she is just really into print names, some people are like that
>>
>>8684838
Not in the Vegas comm officially, but I went there a couple of months ago and they were all very welcoming!

I just requested to join their Facebook page and we went from there
>>
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>>8686378
>>8686309
>>8685128
No clear pictures that I could find, but she had quite a few holes ripped. The tears were clearly intentional.
>>
>>8685128
She is metamorphose gijinka , she has no fucks, dresses crazy and is funny personality. Should of said hi anon. She has some crazy stories, we love her to bits
>>
>>8686427
it was a burnt authentic sugary carnival. One of the other girls was touching it and mentioning the lace or something
>>
>>8686434
Thats even better. I think I like her.
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>>8686434
*gasps and clutches pears*
>>
>>8686446
She's fucking hilarious, I like her too. Has the slav squat down.
>>8686434
They joked it was authentic and I was confused at first. It's a replica she got cheapish and trashed intentionally though so no tears necessary.
>>
>>8684104
I have pretty shitty anxiety issues, and i know it sucks.
But you just need to pull it together in public. Society is made up of special snowflakes these days, I have never heard of so many young adults not working or socialising properly because of bullshit mental illness in the past.
I'm not saying it's not real, Just stop fucking coddling everyone.
They are adults and they can deal with it.
This may mean seeking medical help before putting yourself in a situation that may 'trigger' something, which is just fucking dumb.
If not, maybe a highly social, drama filled, attention grabbing community made specifically to accommodate for people to meet in large groups just isn't fucking for them.
>>
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>>8686434
>>8686482
Was a replica so don't sweat it.
She's crazy and hilarious and I love her for it.
>>
I was considering joining the Kentucky comm, are they nice? The last comm I was in didn't really like new members, jw if it'll be same with this one?
>>
all this talk about the ita NYC comm, the secret NYC comm, the secret Chinese NYC comm is useless without photos. can someone help an outsider out and post examples of the different NYC sub-comms?
>>
>>8686841
friends don't post friends on cgl, since most nyc meets (whatever the comm is) are private people aren't gonna put up pictures.
>>
>>8685174
sounds like seattle
>>
>>8684838
Kek isn't that clamydia-chans comm?
>>
>>8686902
that is frustrating.
>>
>>8686979
Actually it's surprisingly decent, and I respect them for it.
>>
>>8686988
Yeah, but the way the NYC comm is always discussed here makes people paranoid about being stuck in the ita comm, despite not knowing what the ita comm even is. It's really confusing.
>>
>>8686973
Yes, but she rarely attends meetups. Hasn't attended any since all of the drama started.
>>
>>8687010
The ita comm is full of itas and special snowflakes. If you get invited to a meet by itas, then it's probably an ita comm meet. Aside from that the nyc groups are fine and pretty well dressed. Not sure what else you're looking for tbh just don't be blind and you'll know what type of comm you're part of.
>>
My comm is getting ready for the kurisumasu event booking. Just bought a ticket, hope I get the stuff I ordered before then!
>>
My creepy stalker is trying to join my comm. She got into lolita to copy me and has even bought the same dresses I own.
How do I express how deeply this troubles me without appearing mental to my comm?
>>
>>8686543
She's actually great. And has talked about how she dresses at meets multiple times.

She knows how to do it right, and has done it right at multiple events, so it's not so much a "fuck it, I don't care" as she doesn't think that lolita suits her, but still enjoys the clothing and the company.

We need to do a karaoke meet again. She's a genuine blast when you put a mic in her hand.
>>
>>8687140
talk to the comm leaders ASAP.
>>
>>8687140
Talk to your admins/mods and inform them of the situation as calmly as you can. Explain how you met this girl and how things got weird/wrong.

We had a similar situation in our comm, and while they let the girl join up, they kept an eye on her. When she realised that she couldn't take the place of the person she was stalking (which seemed to be her goal?), she sold everything off and chased after someone else.

... which sucks for the someone else, but you know, the cult of instagram e-celebrity is weird.
>>
>>8686482
shoutout to the pears
>>
>>8685127
>>8685128
>>8686227
>>8686434
>>8686446
>>8686482
>>8686543

What did you guys think of that unboxing video ?
>>
>>8686835
I live in Northern Kentucky and am part of the Cincinnati comm, they're very nice. Are you talking about the Louisville comm? I might have to go to some of their events if they're cool. I don't know anyone there, though
>>
>>8687010
>>8687108
Not everyone in the ita comm is an ita. It's just a much more welcoming comm that accepts noobs and itas. There are many well dressed girls there as well, and people who are in multiple comms/groups. It was apparently created due to a bunch of drama years ago.
>>
>>8687578
>It was apparently created
So the "ita" comm is just the main FB comm, New York Lolitas?
>>
>>8686209
No. I will continue with this butt-hurt for you.
>>
>>8687468
I thought it was really cute, but I like the girls. They're sweethearts, good senses of humor.
>>
>NYC native
>socially awkward because I don't want to impose but I'd like to be a part of a comm
>NYC comms are divided and secretive
>only meetup I can attend without it being weird is at Kino
>but kino is ita weeb central

I might just start attending jersey comm meets since I hear they're pretty open and accepting. I just want to meet people without feeling like I'm overstepping boundaries trying to hold a conversation.
>>
>>8688099
nice buttkissing, you know they were at the meet. this is anon you can speek freely
>>
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>>8687589
No, this group is the ita group. The New York Lolita group is the normal group. The "so-called" secretive groups are really just friends hanging out together, especially since some of us has known each other for many years. Even the "Chinese group" is really just girls who are all studying or working here who bond through that fact and is easier to communicate with each other since English isn't their first language. But yes, friends do not post friends onto the Internet. Everyone is super sweet, but it's just hard to plan big meets and sometimes we just want to chill together out of lolita.
>>
>>8687468
I thought it was pretty so so. I love the girls that were in it but it was kinda just like any other unboxing video tbh. Nothing groundbreaking and mildly cringey.

Mainly found it weird that they would play an unboxing video as a short before a film. Would have made more sense if it was a comedy skit or something... But oh well, was a new project made by the host so I guess it makes sense in that regard...
>>
>>8688136
Come to the fashion walk, make friends with the well dressed people. Keep going to big meets posted in the main ground (rare as they are). I used to be like that but I kept meeting and talking to the same people at the giant meets, and made friends. It takes time.
>>
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>>8688211
>that uneven capitalization
>>
Any advice for hosting a meetup in a public space? It's an activity meet and I know we are going to constantly be interrupted by people asking what this is all about, why are we dressed up, etc.

Also just general dos and don'ts for hosting and tips for making a meet nicer.
>>
>>8688519
Prepare to be the person who answers for the group when normies ask questions. It helps keep confrontations to a minimum.
Even in a public area have a small agenda of a time frame of planned things to do such as photos, eating, activities etc.
Its generally a nice gesture to have goodie bags to give out too. It can be something small such as a bag of candies with maybe a themed favor for whatever type of event you're hosting.
>>
Does anyone know what the Asheville, NC comm is like?
>>
>>8688164
Of course I know they were at the meet... they're my friends
And I really didn't think it was bad, not sure what you want me to say. Average unboxing vid and the girls are cute.
>>
>>8688799
sweaty and windblown
>>
>>8688519
I went to a meet in a semi-private part of a park, and somebody made signs that said "photos $5" and "quiet on set" next to a fake camera set up on a tripod, so people just thought we were making a movie. I don't think anyone walked up to us and asked what was going on that day, which was nice.
>>
>>8688376
>using proper capitalization on places and group names is "uneven"
the level of retard made my witty "summer is over" comeback useless, congrats
>>
>>8686841
>>8688211
TFW i'm new as hell to lolita but it's hard to get into the NY comm since you kind of have to know people to get to the meets that happen via private facebook events.
i'm in both the New York Lolitas and NYC Victorian Ladies and Lolita Frills (probably the one that people are calling the ita comm tbh) because i'm trying to become more involved.
i probably have to just show up to any events i can that are public in NY Lolitas in hopes of branching out and making friends with people who will invite me to the fb private events.
i'm quite a newbie, but my coords are decent and i'm self aware enough to not make ita or weeb mistakes.
I've gone to meets with/been invited to meets by girls who are probably considered special snowflakes, weebs, itas, etc. I do at least appreciate them being kind and inviting to me. I can't be snobby or choosy when I hardly know anyone in any of the comms yet. Happy to get out and talk to people and work on my coordination skills. But I aim to get to know some of the other NYC friend groups more. I've hung out with some of them at big meets, and they seem really nice.
>>
>>8688519
I agree with >>8688536 that it's a good idea to take up the role of diplomat for your group and come up with some short, polite answers for the people who will be stopping constantly to ask what's happening. Be aware that some people will try to rudely photograph you without asking for permission. It would be a good idea from the outset to provide instruction for how you want this handled ("If anyone approaches us and tries to take photos without permission or harass us, just cover your face and ignore them until they leave").

Also make sure that the public space you're using (mall, park, etc.) doesn't have some sort of regulation for public gatherings. In certain places, you have to call ahead to the park or public location to make sure they are aware you're having a gathering there.

>>8689110
Depending on where you live, this could be a cute way to avoid harassment or a bad idea. Some public spaces do require that you have a permit to film, even if it's for personal use. I would make sure the place you're going to doesn't have this kind of regulation or you could be potentially fined.
>>
>>8689075
That doesn't sound good.
>>
>>8689110
Well, it was a really isolated spot, and that's probably why, but some skateboarding dudebros did yell at us at one point.
>>
>>8689124
how the hell is "Nyc victorian Ladies and lolita..." proper capitalization?
>>
>>8686902

Ughhhhh I really want to take one for the team and post pics, some of the "itas" are really nice though and I know there are way more seagulls in the comms than it seems.
>>
>>8684300
stop trying to stir up shit
>>
>>8689976
there are but you gotta lay low, there are some efamous girls that get dragged here every now and then so to reveal that youre a seagull is ... a little dangerous. sadly cgl will probably always be seen as the den of meanies and haters so it's better to keep quiet about it.
i will agree that the itas are nice most of the time but theyre also itas- which means the meets are usually kinda cheap and lame and theres a lot more annoying people there. i would rather go some place fancy with well dressed girls but who wouldnt if given the chance.
also i dont really wanna hang out with simply26 lol
>>
>>8689574
Oh fuck, I thought you were talking about anon's text, not the title of the group. My bad. :(
>>
>>8689976
Most of them are rather nice, don't post their private pics. Many can usually be spotted at the annual Sakura Matsuri, so at least post the very public pics if you really have to.
>>
any deets on the Houston comm? i heard they completely died after that creepy Anime Matsuri guy left
>>
>>8690610
John is still running Anime Matsuri with announcements of lolita guests coming this year. A bunch of lolitas are planning to boycott it.
>>
>>8690610
The comm itself is fine. The only thing that "died" was the drama, for now. Also he didn't leave, he was forced out.
>>
>>8690615
did the people who left because of the Leighs reuinte with the comm at all? reading Buttcape's blog kind of broke my heart about the whole thing, and then seeing her on the Deerstalker vids of that weekend made me really hope for the comm pulling itself together.
>>
>>8690617
John still can get his hands up into Misako's frills unfortunately. I'm concerned what John is going to do with Misako in the bed at Anime Matsuri 2016.

>>8690618
Idk. I'm not a part of the Comm. Sorry.
>>
>>8690618
No. Because the mods who were the problem still work for AM/are friends with the Leighs, and are still mods. And while John was booted, I don't think his wife was, so his removal was pretty much pointless.
>>
>>8690782
They had a vote and most people asked to get rid of Kate since shes rude to members but the other mods decided to keep her.
>>
>>8690925

All right, I'll admit, I'm a slut for Kate drama.

But deets?
>>
>>8690926
Different Kate.
>>
>>8678629
hello i am here for the tumbleworth talks about the pan sex
where are the tumblepan worthsex? :DDDD

>>8679388
oh there they are
>>
>>8679459
Feels like I'm only getting one side of the story here.
>>
>>8690782
godammit.
>>
>>8690925
Mainly because the members they wanted to be a mod for the comm don't want to so they are stuck with her.
>>
>>8690926
Different Kate. This one got kicked out of the new Orleans comm for the same reasons people want her out of Houston comm
>>
>>8690969
Yes. Because the mod who still works for AM never said a word about the entire thing. Ever. And another mod said "I can be friends with the Leighs and still be impartial!!" which is sort of contrary to the whole idea of being unbiased.

Or maybe she has, I left the comm after that "questionnaire" result doc was posted and nothing happened. What's the point of asking the comm for their opinions of you're not even going to acknowledge what they've said?
>>
I'm so sick of people trying to make big, fancy meets only for the same couple people to keep bitching about little things constantly. And then the people who always complain never ever host meets because it's too hard. Like nothing is ever good enough but they can't be bothered to try for themselves?
>>
>>8691074
Anon, that person wasn't even talking about AM.

The community won't get any new mods because no one wants to be one.
>>
>>8691113
that's just how cowards handle their fear of failure
>>
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>Ticket price, date, and location for comm's winter ILD meet have been decided
>Sounds like a fucking blast
>Except for the part where I don't have a single fucking Christmassy dress to my name
>I wore the only red dress I own to the Christmas meet last year
>Only the dead know peace from this evil

What made me look at lolita and say "yes, an eclectic collection of dresses that are either black or pink is the greatest idea ever"
>>
>>8691133
wear a classy black dress and add wintry or holiday themed accessories.
>>
>>8691133
Wear something black and coord with red. Gold is also pretty festive. Or just go with a general winter theme, fur-lined capelet, earmuffs, and velveteen.
>>
>>8690782
To be fair, no discussion of Anime Matsuri is allowed in the Houston Comm page at all anymore, and one of the mods shared that reminder post not to go to AM after the brand list was announced.
>>
Anyone know if there's an active comm for upstate NY? I couldn't find one.
>>
>>8691443
Why the hell can people in NY not properly search?
There was a whole discussion about NY comm in the feels thread
>>
>>8691509
Anon specified upstate New York, which is a totally different area than NYC.
>>
>>8691523
People don't realize theres more to NY than NYC sometimes.

I'm from Binghamton NY and a new lolita/ouji and seems like only NYC, Albany and Rochester exist, none in the middle of the state.
>>
>>8691598
>>8691523

>>8691509 Anon here, sorry I guess I read too fast. My sister lived in Lima,NY and my aunt lives on the state line with NJ/NY so I am well aware.

Maybe its time NY state has its own spreadsheet of comms?
>>
>>8691598
Usually people think of Albany as being in the middle of the state.

Many the SUNY there will have a weeaboo club with aspiring lolitas?
>>
>>8691137
>>8691139

See this would be my solution if I didn't already wear a lot of fur and velveteen throughout the rest of the year. I may end up doing something handmade with a festive print, because buying a whole new dress and accessories seems kind of silly for a once-a-year kind of deal. Maybe I'll do something Santa Lucia themed.
>>
>>8691614
Not sure, I'm going back to college here in August and I've only ever known one lolita and that was back in 2006. The anime club and LARP group was large back then so hopefully we can start something around here if theres enough interest.
>>
>>8691631
Good luck with that! People have told me SUNY Binghamton is a fun college.
>>
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I'm sorry, this is just too sad. Apparently "everyone is teaming up on them" because nobody thinks paid events should be refundable.
>>
>>8691779
oh how sad that her anxiety doesn't let her find someone else interested in going to the paid event the comm should have a donation fund to cover when fuckheads are too lazy to show up to an event so they can get a refund :')
>>
>>8691779
The whole thread was cringey as all fuck. I'm glad Melody got in there and set them fucking straight
>>
>>8691827
Most of the thread was people disagreeing with OP.
>>
>>8691846
True, it was just awkward how some people were saying the comm doesn't care about disabled people, which make up like 50% of the whole comm
>>
>>8691851
>Some people
aka the OP and their friend
>>
>>8691851
Yeah, but wasn't that just the op? Either way, op was super cringe. I have the whole thing saved, but no way to block out names rn.
>>
>>8691855
Basically
>>
>>8691859
It was OP and that other dude, with the rainbow colored beard
>>
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>>8691779
>>8691859
I gotchu
>>
>>8691872
They unfriended me and left the Lolita comm it looks like
>>
>>8691872
>on point file name
This is so, so gross. Speaking as a person with fibro and anxiety, when my comm hosts paid meets or organizes events that need absolute guaranteed attendance (like fashion shows etc.), if I'm not 100% sure I can pull through and attend, I simply don't go nor do I make promises to go. This just gives chronically ill people a bad name.
>>
>>8691872
Thank you anon.
I'm still marveling over the ^this to their own post.
>>
>>8691894
This.
I don't have any serious mental/physical disabilities (inb4 check ur priviledge) but I have been in groups with people who do and jesus fuck it is so annoying when they drop last minute all the time. Especially when you have to pay for them. I'm not mad that they're ill, I'm mad that they have a chronic illness, yet don't pay enough attention to their body or signals to know their own tendencies.
If it happens once or twice, cool, we've all been there, but when it happens 75% of the time, shit gets ridiculous.
I wish people would know their own limits, so unexpected drop outs would be the exception, not the norm.
>>
>>8691872
>I'm rich and privileged enough to afford to take a finacial hit on a meetup, so why can't you?

If she has enough money to cover other people, she could afford to not get refunded either.
>>
>>8691894
>>8691988
As someone else with a chronic condition that can flare up in as little as a few hours, I agree. And if you paid for an event and can't make it, that sucks, but asking for a refund out of the pocket of the organiser is a shitty, shitty thing to do. As was said in the comments, a concert venue won't refund your ticket for you just because you're ill.

Also, providing for different dietary or accessibility accommodations is a necessity and would be a sign of insensitive, shitty people if they weren't met. But "accommodations" for someone with disabilities should never include financial recompense due to an inability to attend a pre-paid meet. That's just a lack of accountability. If you can't make it, find someone to take your spot, or suck it up. Your disability is not the comm's responsibility to bear.
>>
>>8691988
No, you're right, one needs to recognize one's limits especially when dealing with chronic illnesses. It's debilitating, difficult to manage, and can be unpredictable, but people need to be considerate of themselves and their comm and take responsibility for their actions. And if you did RSVP to a paid event and eventually couldn't go because of an illness, for goodness' sake, suck up the monetary loss and don't kick up a big fuss about not getting a refund (or worse, blame your comm for being unaccommodating to disabled people).
I'm aware of how inconvenient flaking is, and also very much aware of how unpredictable my pain can be, which is why I almost never promise to attend meets. It sucks, but it's the responsible thing to do. Your comm isn't responsible for your pain flares and anxiety attacks, deal with it like an adult.
>>
>>8691876
God I probably would too out of embarrassment. Being that selfish in front of the whole comm.
At least you don't have to deal with them again.
>>
>>8692099
They've always been super fucking cringey by insisting their gender is unicorn cis male cis female alien ork

Glad they're finally fucking gone
>>
>>8690070
hell no. I was targeted.
>>
>>8692026
Funny you should mention the dietary restrictions thing. They specifically asked for Dairy Free food at the party and that request was specifically accommodated, even though they didn't go...
>>
>>8692183
Yeah, that figures.
>>
>>8692183

To be fair though, a friend of mine brought a newbie lolita that didn't even know about the FB comm page and she was (among a lot of other things) unable to have dairy. She was afraid she wasn't going to be able to eat anything until Melody showed her what fit her diet.

The rice milk they had for creamer was fucking nasty though. Shit separated so fast you had to stir it before every pour.
>>
>>8692011
LOL no.
>>
>>8691872
Absolutely disgusting. The level of entitlement is beyond what I would have patience for, I would have straight up told her off if it was my comm. The fact she said "I would pay the refund out of my own pocket because that's the kind of person I am" genuinely blows me away. I highly doubt she would, but if she did that would just be her being stupid.

Also, speaking as someone with crippling anxiety who pulls out of shit the day of all the time; DON'T COMMIT TO NON-REFUNDABLE EVENTS UNLESS YOU'RE OKAY TAKING THE LOSS. It's as simple as that. Saying the host should pay you back out of their own pocket if you don't show up is probably the most entitled thing I've ever heard a disabled person say in my life.

Seriously, someone in this comm needs to stop trying to play nice with this bitch. They're all being so patient, yet she still says she's being ganged up on.
>>
>>8691872
>I'd give a refund that the sort of nice person I am!

Somehow, the people who say this never ever actually run an event.
>>
>>8692738
This person already left the comm. I doubt they will be allowed at meets in the future after some of the stuff posted on their personal fb after this.
>>
>>8692912
I'm glad the comm doesn't have to deal with her anymore. What did she say on her personal page?
>>
>>8692183
>>8692283
There was a ton of vegan, gluten free and dairy free food, as there is at pretty much every meet. saying the comm isn't accommodating enough is lol as fuck.
>>
>>8692912
Does the portland comm have any people officially banned?
>>
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>>8692919
I think she's a he? There's more but this is all I have myself.

>>8692942
I don't think anyone is officially banned but there have been people who were removed/removed themselves in the past.
>>
>>8692952
They're ftm
>>
>>8692952
Why is it no matter the reason someone left a comm they always say "I am fed up with popularity contests, drama, bullshit" when none of those reasons are actually why they left
>>
>>8692952
Here's some of it 1/2
>>
>>8692997
2/2
>>
>>8692942
There's 2 or 3 people but none of them were active in the first place.

So this guy and his friends are almost in a bizarro-world the way they see the community. They are the ones obsessed with popularity and get mad when they don't get attention (because they look like shit), and then claim it's because of the nasty brandwhores stealing the limelight. It honestly boggles my mind. Also this same guy got mad that no one would drive him to Kumoricon and was an entitled douchebag about that too.
>>
>>8692997
>>8692998
They tried to make a meet earlier in the year for Star Chan's birthday and literally messaged her the night before canceling because 'muh dysphoria'

So he has a habit of flaking and canceling the literal night before or day off. He's pretty cringe with pronouns I believe. Something about unicorn being their gender or something? I can't find the cap
>>
>>8691872
not in defense of the op but
>"I do not have the $ to give you money out of my own pocket"
THEN DON'T HOST FUCKING EXPENSIVE EVENTS IF YOU CAN'T COVER EMERGENCIES THEN
for the love of god, am i the only one who thinks being able to cover dropouts is more sensible than planning an event i can't afford if someone drops out for being sick or whatever? disabilities aside, people don't usually plan that shit and they could probably use that money back if they get fucking sick at the last minute
>>
>>>8693098
I should add, demanding a refund is still entitled as fuck but still
don't plan events you can't fucking afford if emergencies happen
for all you know you yourself could get sick the night before/day of yourself and if you have no backup you're fucking screwed
>>
>>8693098
The people all prepaid for the event. What sort of emergency are you expecting? And if you refund one person, you might have to refund the other five dropouts. If you think only people that can afford all of the tickets for an event (in case no one shows) should be hosting, you are really dumb. That's why prepaying is a thing.
>>
>>8693098
Unfortunately for my comm that would mean setting aside a couple hundred dollars for every meet to cover the people who flake last minute due to social anxiety and the like.
>>
>>8692968
Makes them feel better. Or, in some cases, they actually think that's what happened. There's this weird disconnect where people think that the reason they have people "against them" is because they're not popular enough, when the truth is, no one is actually against them, they just didn't get their way because it was unreasonable.

I've encountered this same shit in other hobbies and even in fucking group projects when I was in school, particularly things that require some level of teamwork, because they didn't get to be "leader".
>>
>>8693307
And as a direct example from my comm, we had a girl who wasn't a mod/admin on the group page, was fairly new to the group, and constantly making events. She was really gung-ho about taking a leadership position, but terrible at organisation and planning.

Every meet she wanted to do was either one that someone else had just hosted the month before (so people didn't want to repeat it), out in her part of town (which is far away from most everyone else, and not exactly the safest suburb), or conflicted with other events (she purposefully planned two meets that conflicted with other members' birthdays, because no one came to HER birthday party, which wasn't a lolita meet, but a regular party with her family).

She eventually left, saying that no one appreciated her efforts for the comm, and that we would all regret her leaving. People didn't really notice she was gone, except that there was suddenly an absence of gossip popping up on here and BTB. And because it's a small world, she still tells people who know members of the comm how badly we treated her (over two years later). She tried to tell one girl's long-time boyfriend about the whoooole thing, when he already knew about it from the other perspective. In his words, "she thought she was a victim of abuse" at the hands of the comm.
>>
>>8693098
Lolno. The idea that event organizers should cover people who end up not attending out of pocket is absolutely ludacris, regardless of their reason. Don't want to risk losing your money? Don't sign up for non-refundable events. It's not the organizer's fault if you don't come in any way shape or form, so why the hell should they take the loss for you? Yes, even in an emergency, whether your disability is acting up, your parents die in a car crash, or you just don't want to go. It sucks if someone has to lose their money over a legit reason they can't go, but that's the risk you take when you sign up for nonrefundable events.

Seriously, how the hell are there people who think event organizers should pay people who prepay then don't show up out of pocket???
>>
>>8693508
>ludacris
anon no
>>
>>8692952
>I think she's a he?

Wow, that makes this bitch-ass behavior all the more inexcusable.
>>
>>8693582
>>8692952

Anon, they're bigender unicorn ork cis male cis female butterfly mermaid alien

According to their Facebook page, that is
>>
>>8693583
.... seriously? Are they under 15?
>>
>>8693643
They're in their upper 20's I believe
I lost the cap I had, but yeah, they have a status a few weeks ago of their preferred genders and I basically summed it up
>>
>>8693662
Role playing is one thing but genuinely believing in that shit is just sad.
>>
>>8693670
Yeah, they are annoying as fuck in every way and their make up skills fucking suck ass

Drawing a line of liquid eyeliner down your face is not fucking contouring
>>
>>8693520
>>8693508
LUDAAA~!!
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