Lolita Comm Thread

Are there any gulls in the Louisville/Lexington area? If so, are you part of the Kentucky Lolita Society? Just curious.

Can anyone in the Ohio comm tell me how that Harry Potter meet went? I couldn't go but I saw the pics and holy shit there were so many people.

>>8667864
It was super crowded, the hostesses said they weren't expecting so many people to come. A lot of people showed up late and the movie didn't get stared until about 5:30-6 because people were still arriving and eating. I had a lot of fun, but there were way too many people in such a small building.

>>8667864
Any pics of that? My comm is having a Potter meet soon too.

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>>8667906

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>>8667984

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>>8667986

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>>8667989
End of dump

>>8667984
>>8667986
>>8667989
>>8667997
Wow. Not a decent coord in any of them.

>>8668244
Yeah... Makes me kind of proud of the SF comm

Shout out to the Arizona comm for not being mentioned once in the last thread, way to go, so proud, great job team, etc.

>>8668244
>bothered
For the love of, its a Harry Potter meet. If anything it's an opposite cheerleader effect. Fandom nitpicks accumulating into a skewed perception on the reality being these humans look cute and happy.
You do you Ohio.
From Texas,
With Love.

>>8667997
>>8668244
The girl with the excentrique vest and long cape is gorgeous.

>>8668375
Agreed. Yeah some of them are mediocre but I wouldn't say there aren't ANY good coords.

>>8668387
She always looks gorgeous. And she's super nice which is unfair.

>>8668244
Fuck you saltmine. For theme coords most of them are pretty cute.

>>8668420
Does she have a blog, instagramm or tumblr?
I realize someone will think I'm her now but fuck it.

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>>8668349

>>8667754
>Any other comms harboring any spiteful, angry feelings they'd like to get out?
This. I love hearing your salt.

what some cool/interesting/unique meet ideas? something beyond the usual eating out or going for tea. I know this is going to largely depend on the area and country you're in, but I'd love to hear ideas anyway.

semi-related, but I was also wondering about how to find venues for meets like movies. I don't know anyone in my comm, myself included, that is either open to using their house or has a house big enough to fit enough of the potential people (like 15+) comfortably for a movie meet, or a crafting/sewing meet. a community center perhaps?

>>8668960
Yep she has a tumblr, icarurs.tumblr.com

How's the ATX com?

Does anyone have recommendations for a place in NYC to enjoy an intimate birthday afternoon tea? I was considering the Pembroke Room, but I'm up to other suggestions.

I'm from the U.S. and I'm going to study abroad in London for a semester. Is it worth it to try and hit up the London comm while I'm there?

>>8668349
doesn't this post defeat the point?

>>8669011

A lot of apartment complexes and condos have a hidden cabana on the premise. Usually the host of the meetup will need to call up the complex to reserve the space, and pick up the key from the office. Can be awesome for a swap meet during the cooler months. Usually there's a TV but rarely Wifi, so plan accordingly and make a dry run before doing a movie meet.

There are also public libraries where you can reserve a room for meetings. A few even have sewing machines and even carpentry tools for people to use while on premises. Check your local library to see what resources they offer.

Smaller meetup idea (3-6 people) if there's a Chinatown district in your city: a tasting session at a traditional Chinese tea shop. It's an entirely different atmosphere compared to Western afternoon tea, and it can be educational for newbies and a money-saver for tea connoisseurs. A decent employee serving the tea will tell you everything about the tea. A few may speak the "all chemicals are awful" pseudo-health mantra, but you can just smile and nod politely through those moments; they may not know chemistry, but they should know tea, and very well. If there's an expensive tea that only comes in small vacuum packs within canisters, you can split the cost with a friend, and the shop will help you out in splitting it. I recently bought a canister of Taiwan Oolong with a friend, and the shop lady opened the bag, weighed the tea in two equal amounts, vacuum-sealed them with a machine, and gave a second empty can to hold the new bag. Warning: after a session at a traditional Chinese tea shop, you may begin to hate Teavana (not for the quality of the tea they sell, but for how much they're overcharging for the quality given).

>>8668375
>texas

nuff said

>>8669027
Everyone's sweet but they don't have a lot of meets. JSFC at UT has weekly meetings on Thursdays though, which a lot of the ATX members go to. But there's seldom any truly thought out meets, usually dinners or movies and the like are common.

Do any of you gulls borrow clothes from other comm members? My comm isn't super tight or anything but there was one girl who asked to borrow my clothes for a casting call. I was kind of weirded out by it even though she's my friend. She's not a good friend or anything though, and she seems to only talk to me when she wants or needs something. Anyway, I said yes cause she offered to buy me things from Japan in return. Is it okay to ask her to dry clean it after she wears it? Idk how this works.

>>8669269
Shouldn't have done that, mate. Should've told her you'll rent it to her and asked a deposit for it in case she damages it during the casting call. The promise of buying things from Japan don't mean shit cause she can always 'forget' or buy you $5 worth of stuff from Daiso.

I tried to ask this on yik yak but people instantly downvoted it off...

does anyone know of any lolita type shops in Portland, OR? Or vintage shops suitable for J-fashion?
I don't know where else to ask this question but I know there are portland chans in these threads sometimes.

>>8669395
I would ask in the comm mainly or message Melody, she would know
> in the comm but don't live in Portland

Good luck anon

>>8669036
Well it's not as classy but Alice's Tea Cup has amazing tea/desserts/sandwiches/basically everything. I've only been to the location by Lexington twice and it's a little on the tiny side (there's an upstairs but I've never been seated there so not sure about the sizing). Not sure if they do reservations so I'd say that's a better date for just you and a friend or two.

>>8669011
>movie night
Some theatres in my area will let you rent out the smaller screening rooms if you have enough people and it's the right day (weeknights or midday are the most likely ones they have available).

>crafternoon
We've done this a few times, but always in the park. Everyone brings picnic blankets and something to snack on, in addition to craft stuff. Mostly this is casual-lolita friendly, and is smaller groups rather than a big meet.

>Festival Meets
Food festival, culture festival, street markets, whatever. We've done quite a few of these with quite a bit of success, and our city usually has at least one or two festivals going every weekend during the summer, so there's a lot of variety and options. The most popular have been the chocolate festival, and the summer food festivals. I'd expected the Japanese festival/cherry blossom festival to be the most popular meet, but most people would rather wear yukata in my comm it seems.

>Museum meets
We've had a few museum gatherings because there was a particular exhibit going on that people wanted to see. This one isn't always that popular though. Depends on ticket price (they're frequently free where I live, but travelling exhibits set their prices, so it varies), the time of year (the museums are a bit of a walk from public transport and parking), and what the show is exactly.

>Bowling meet
Any time I bring this one up, someone on the thread will complain, but we've had probably one bowling meet a year and it's always super successful. Everybody has a lot of fun.

>Dance lessons
A couple of groups in my area offer one-off or weekly beginner lessons in swing/lindy, rock and roll, or light ballroom dancing. This one is more fun if you can drag male acquaintances in, though. Going to dinner or drinks after can also be nice, since these sorts of lessons are typically in the evening after work.

(more coming)

Figured it might be interesting to see responses to these questions so I wrote up a little comm survey!

>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?
>How long have you been a part of your comm?
>How did you find out about your comm?

>>8669472
>purikura/arcade meet
There's an arcade in my city where they have a bunch of imported crane game/UFO catchers and purikura machines. It's usually an add-on to lunch or some other activity, but part of the fun is seeing how many people in petticoats we can jam into one machine. People who want to do less crowded photos can split off to do their own thing, too.

>Swap meets
This one gets tricky, since you have to find someone to host the event at their house typically. Our comm has tried to find a community hall to use before, but didn't have much luck because of the cost. One place also told us that they're booked solid every night of the week by regulars (book clubs, Bible study, charity groups, etc.), so we had a hard time finding one that was in a central location. These can be tricky, because if the same few people always attend, no one ever buys or sells because they've seen it all before. lol

.. and I'm drawing a blank on all of the other meets we've had over the years right now, so I'll think it over and get back to you.

>>8669408
I'm not in the comm. I am only just now getting coords together and I'm waiting on stuff to come in the mail. Still waiting on tights, shoes and bag.
Got a few other dresses coming in the mail too.

>>8667771
Yep, I am.

>>8668349
The majority of us can keep the salt on the dl and are mature enough to not air our dirty laundry in public, though Ive noticed a few of the newer members are having a hard time not outing themselves here and throwng tantrums on this board or in the comm. I think they are all pretty young though so hopefully they get better as they learn and grow in the community. I know there are several cringe worthy members in the comm, though I personally dont care enough to post about it here. It's kind of tacky. Glad others are learning to roll their eyes and keep on scrolling like the rest of us.

>>8669516
You already have more Lolita than some members. I would recommend joining anyways! I love my comm to death

Did HLC calm down? they've fallen off the radar

>>8669395
There are no lolita shops in Portland. There are places on Hawthorne that sell petticoats, for like vintage fashion. Maybe you can find other loliable items at some other small shops/vintage stores in that part of town. I think the best thing we have is Sock Dreams, though.

>>8668244
Want me to get you a hand trowel to help you get all of that sand out of your vag, anon?

>>8669339
Fuck, what should I do now? I already said yes...so there's no way to back out.

>>8669632
Tell her that you're sorry but in change for the items she's promising you, you'd rather her give that money in a deposit to you in case something should happen to the outfit while she's borrowing it. She'll get her deposit once she cleans the dress and returns it.

If she gets mad at the idea of having to pay a deposit, don't loan it to her.

If she gets mad at the idea of having to pay to dry clean it before she returns it, you dodged a bullet and you definitely shouldn't loan it to her.

In theory this means she's basically paying what she would anyway (gifts fees vs dry cleaning fee) and as long as they outfit isn't damaged she'll get the other money back so if she doesn't agree you'll have an excuse to say no without feeling bad because it's not as if you're charging her for borrowing the dress because you're not keeping the money and it's just gross to borrow someone's clothes without cleaning them after before you return them.

>>8669632
>>8669643
Also if you want it to be 100% legit in case she cries scammer on you (should the outfit be damaged and you keep the money), keep screenshots of everything and make sure it's done through online payment with records. Also take pictures of the outfit you're loaning with a camera with a date setting so you have proof of condition.

I may sound overly paranoid but reading horror stories on /cgl/ will do that to you and I don't doubt if she was a terrible person she'd claim any damage that might happen was already like that.

>>8669526
>You already have more Lolita than some members.
Oh? Alright then.. My coord is almost done..

>>8669395
Wtf is yik yak? Just go to SE Hawthorne Blvd.

>>8669269
I only ever lend out things that I woudnt mind getting damaged too much or is machine washable, since every time in the past I lent things out they always got damaged. Basically, assume whatever you are lending WILL get dirty/damaged, if its too special/pricey for you to let that happen then do not lend it out.

>>8669269
I don't. I actually hate borrowing people's clothes because if I like it and how it looks on me then I'll want it, but I have to give it back to them. Would rather not even bother.
And I don't let people borrow my clothes unless I will be with them the entire time they have it on, and I will be getting it back at the end of the day (like they will be taking the clothes off and handing them to me). No next day returns.

>>8669643
I'm >>8669714, and the few times I let people borrow my clothes I'd rather they give them right back the minute they come off their body and just let me deal with cleaning it. I wouldn't trust them to not screw up my dress in trying to clean it (I'd rather I messed up my dress from hand cleaning or dry cleaning then get it back like that), and I sleep easier knowing I got my items back before the end of the day.

>>8669692
Yikyak: expose yourself to local assholes.

>>8669692
It's like an anonymous reddit kinda thing, you make a post and ppl can comment or upvote it or downvote it

>>8669726
You sound like me lol. OP here, I kind of wish she'd just buy one of the dresses I have available for sale instead of borrowing one. I think it kind of defeats the purpose of me selling shit. I have a bodyline skirt that's like $20 right now that she could just buy and wear to her casting, and then on the job if she gets hired. But instead she'd rather borrow one of my AP babies.
They are my children, and honestly the more I think about it the less I like the idea of someone borrowing my stuff. Especially since she lives far away and we only see each other once a month for meet ups and shit.
Fuck.
Is it going to look fucked up if I just tell her that I thought it over and I don't feel comfortable lending out my clothes unless I get it back the same day?

>>8669903

She might have some hard feelings, but honestly compared to the peace of mind you get, I think it's a fair trade off to tell her that.

So I have a problem. I'm trying to join a Comm in an area where I have recently moved to. Unfortunately, the Admin has said, "Thank you for your request to join the Comm. After careful consideration of your application, we have decided to not admit you to our Comm. Our decision is final." When I tried to explain to the Admin that this is not fair, the Admin blocked me.

It doesn't make sense at all. I am leaving my old Comm on good terms, but I can't join my new Comm. Wtf.

>>8670283
Is there anything else they told you or talked about?

>>8670283
show us your app

>>8670289
No the Admin did not explain the reason why. The application was read by the other Admins too. Nothing was said why my request was denied.

>>8670289
>>8670300
I told them why I was joining the Comm, how long I've been in lolita, my wardrobe, my favorite brand, my favorite dress, events that I have been to from the previous Comm, and events that I have planned in the previous Comm.

>>8669903
This is honestly why I keep my Bodyline dresses around even though I've moved on to brand now. Whenever people gush over my pretty dresses and say they wish they could wear one, I just lend them one of my Bodyline pieces.

>>8670283
What the fuck? Is this a lolita comm or a fucking secret society?

>>8669269
I only lend out to people I completely trust / and most of them I know where they live. Sometimes we get ready at each other's houses, and for those I don't mind as much but I ask that they return it the same day. The more I trust them, the more likely I'm okay with them holding it. But for just girls I know of in my comm, or people I've met once or twice, they can't touch my stuff.

>>8668244
I think it's because there's more fat ones than skinny gdi midwest

>>8670283
post a coord with your face blocked off? maybe you're actually ita

>>8670283
Name and shame that comm!

>>8670283
What an elitist cunt. I understand having applications for comms but that is a bit ridiculous.

Some people in my comm always try have the meet exactly to their stupid standards. They want the meet-up that's close to their location, on the date they can go, with food options for their ridiculous diet. They don't even live in our region so technically aren't in our comm, so why should we move our comm to them? They complain about people choosing a date because it's the same time as a meet in their other comm. And no place that has gluten free vegan food is good. They always have their friends backing them up as well as if they are more important than the other attendees.

>>8670283
Why would they block you? Either you have drama or they do.

>>8670379
Tell them to fuck off and host their own meets. I hate vegan elitests.

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My comm is slowly killing me. There is a large clique in the comm that is basically a non-stop high school drama fest. A lot of two faced attitude and general drama by women that are far too old to be acting that way. The mods aren't doing anything about it, which isn't surprising as one of the mods is part of that clique.

>tfw I desperately want the comm to split
>but I don't want to start drama, fuck
>I just want a nice calm comm

>>8669481
>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
~110-120 members.

>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
Around 10-15 people are regularly active in the comm. There's only been 2-3 people I've seen that have only been to one or two meetups and aren't very active. The rest either haven't been to a meetup yet, just admire the fashion but don't participate in it, or both.

>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
No.

>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?
Gothic actually dominates the comm, followed very closely by sweet/classic (since a lot of people who wear sweet also wear classic)

>How long have you been a part of your comm?
Almost a year and a half.

>How did you find out about your comm?
That huge lolita comm database on Google+.

Some places do offer gluten free and vegan food that tastes good, not very many but a few. That does not mean that Lolita's should throw a tantrum if a meet does not supply gluten free, diary free and or vegan options. This is why people should research and bring their own food accordingly, or not attend. I personally have a diary allergy and this is what I do. All though it is annoying having other Lolita's telling me that I'm lying, and show my epi pen and explain how to use it. Not everyone that eats vegan food is vegan.

>>8669063
I would say no, because it's not shitposting which I believe is what anon was getting

>>8670283
Obviously people can run comms the way they want since they're private clubs, but this is a good reminder for comms wanting an application process that you have to make the process as transparent as possible if you want to avoid drama. That means telling people why their application failed and maybe giving them an opportunity to reapply after a lapsed period of time.

Anyone from the north Louisiana comm? I've been thinking of joining but the drive is kinda far for me

The Northwest Florida Lolita Society basically killed the Florida Panhandle Lolita Society.

>>8670403
You could just organize private meets with the lolitas you actually like. If other members complain, just say it was a private event with a few friends. Chances are, the girls you end up inviting will take the private meet as a breath of fresh air from the drama.

>>8670403
Are we in the same comm, anon?

>>8670636
I've already tried doing that but it caused a bit of drama. One of the girls shared photos of it onto her personal fb and some of the clique saw. Maybe I could just tell them to keep quiet about it. It still doesn't stop us from having to deal with the drama though.

>>8670649
Possibly. I won't say which comm it is since I don't want to deal with the clique witch hunting.

>>8670375
It's the ATL Comm

>>8669481
>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
250+

>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
20 regularly attend meets. Maybe 50 showing up twice a year. The rest are just admirers of the fashion.

>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
No.

>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?
Sweet. I wear classic and gothic.

>How long have you been a part of your comm?
3.5 years.

>How did you find out about your comm?
During an anime convention, a mod of the local comm was short on people for a dinner reservation, and she walked up to me and asked me if I'd like to come. I was super-happy she did, as I hadn't known comms were a thing.

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>>8670665
you don't need to apply to be in that comm though. source: me being in that comm and never needing to apply for anything.

Anyone in the Portland comm going to the Halloween meet? Tickets are cheaper compared to last year, but I'm on a tight budget this month and I'm wondering if it's gonna be worth it.

>>8670657
I swear I read a secret like this a while ago, written by someone who had felt excluded. The backlash was that it was a private event (it might have even been a birthday party). You can't please everybody.

I'd say keep doing it. They're private meets and not everybody has to be invited (especially if it's a more expensive event like afternoon tea, where a large number of reservations takes a lot of work and possibly a hefty security deposit from the organizer). As long as you're civil to them, I don't see the problem with holding private meets.

If the comm really is too much bs, you can leave the comm but keep organizing smaller meets with your friends. One of my friends did this, but she kept doing lolita on her own and kept in contact with her closest friends from the comm. We occasionally go to a little tea place that doesn't accept group reservations larger than 4.

Can't find your local lolita community? Look at the lolita comm masterlist: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1evXegSoFbfEXn8o0joeA-KFvolNKPKllgvaYqNgvOiw/htmlview#gid=1

As someone who is not in a comm currently, and a little newer to the wearing the fashion, I'd really like to know how the fuck drama starts. I mean is it really that hard to attend a meet and act civil? What the fuck do people even start drama over? No, really, I want some examples of what people start shit over.

>>8668344
That honestly depends on the meet you go to anon
The hp one in the park was good over the summer, but we have had....less than good... meet ups

>>8669481
>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
700+
>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
80-90? I feel like a lot of people on the comm page joined because they have visited sf briefly, or they moved away and just stayed as members.
>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
Not a divide or anything.
The girls closer to each city do things based on convenience.
>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?
Classic and sweet; I wear classic and gothic
>How long have you been a part of your comm?
About 3 years
>How did you find out about your comm?
Meetup.com, when it was still relevant to our event planning

>>8670687
I don't understand why people get upset at others having private or casual meets with close friends. You sure as hell didn't pull that shit in high school, demanding girls from other circles to invite you to their birthday parties.. why now?

>>8670808
Because a lot of lolitas are socially awkward and don't understand how friendships work.

>>8670711
Maybe someone overhead someone talking shit about them?

Something as simple as "that cord don't look good" can stir some shit up.

>>8670617
deets

Would it be wrong to warn a group and let them know that a soon-to-be member was a shit talker and drama monger in their last community?

>>8669419
I hate that Alice's Tea always gets recommended. It has a cute theme, but it is literally the worst place for tea in NYC. The staff haaaaaaaaaates lolitas. I've been there several times in lolita groups and in normal groups. When I go in a normal group, my food is pretty decent, staff will check on you and refill your drinks. In lolita groups, they slap together the food like they don't give a shit. I've received a plate of tea sandwiches that was barely edible and got charged $50. The staff will ignore you, and when they do come by, they make fun of you.

I have no idea why lolitas are so crazy for this place. I have never had a positive experience at Alice's when I've gone as a lolita.

>>8670848
Our new moderator basically bullied the original mod to where she just deleted the old comm.

>>8670903
Only if you can be specific about what they did and how it effected the comm. Otherwise it just sounds like you have a personal problem with them.

>>8670808
>>8670811
My theory is that since lolita fashion more often than not tends to attract people who are weeby, geeky, or not stylish in conventional fashion, lolitas are just as vulnerable as anime fans or comic book enthusiasts in succumbing to the Geek Social Fallacies.

Of course, there are plenty of people who will grow out of the stage of "all these people like the same thing I do, and they must love me, and if not then they must be my ENEMY", but not all.

>>8670903
In what way would you be warning the group? I would say go for it if you're just telling a few close and personal friends. But I don't know how effective it would be to try to tell mods to get that person banned, unless you were also previously a member of that comm and can mention specific things they've done.

>>8670910
I've heard similar stories. In fact I've read lots of bad reviews that weren't from lolitas, too.

I much prefer one of the many hotel teas, or Bosie for a more casual experience.

>>8670903
Honestly that just makes you sound like a shit talker and drama monger. Let it be, maybe she will start a clean slate of non shittery. Or they will find out eventually anyway.

>>8670711
tbh a lot of it is caused by conflicting personalities. In a group of friends, you can just stop hanging out with someone you don't get along with, or avoid them at parties and such. Lolita comms are hobby groups, not friend groups. Anyone who wears the fashion can join, and you can't tell them to leave the comm because you just don't like them. So a lot of times, people will get irritated by each other's personalities, and post in the ita thread or post a secret about them, trash-talk them to other people, try to exclude them in whatever way, steal their burando.
People also do this because their jealous of the person, find the person cringy, think they're ita.
That's why when people say "x comm is too cliquey!" I think it's probably better that way. At least people aren't pretending to be friends, but I agree that you should at least try to reach out to new members.

>>8670678
I'm going! I think it will be fun this year.

>>8668244
There was honestly a lot of ita there, it felt like a lot of the girls who showed up were in baby's first coord and didn't even try to match the theme. these pictures don't really give a good look at the girls who did look ok though

>>8670950
Any pics of the good ones then?

>>8670954
I wish I had taken some, but as another anon mentioned it was super crowded and I ended up leaving my phone inside before the shoot and didn't want to struggle to get it. In pic (1) second from left was super cute, pic (2) guy was on point, (3) far right looked good, (4) previously mentioned girl with cape and vest. All of them looked solid but its hard to tell with those low quality pics

>>8670671
Shit got awfully quiet after this.

>>8670910
I went with a big lolita group once and I didn't have this experience- our waiter was really nice even though we had some kind of unlimited deal and he had to keep running downstairs to get us more food and tea. We had a great time but we also had a private room.
However, service there has been really bad when I've been there previously, both in and out of lolita. The people who work there generally seem to be tired of working in such a popular place and getting a table there is often not worth the hassle.

>>8670671
Not the anon you're replying to, but I found this on the comm page:

"To be added to the group, please message any of the administrators to introduce yourself and let us know why you'd like to be a member. Your membership may be rejected if you do not contact an admin."

Even though this doesn't mean what rejected-anon is saying is true, things may have changed since you became a member. There was no "application" when I joined years ago, but the comm has changed hands multiple times and apparently there is some screening process.

>>8670665

No, they don't. I didn't need to send in an app and I was only staying for a week or so in ATL.

ATL has enough drama as it is, I mean what with the fucking vendetta chan threatening rape and all. I mean, why make up shit when shit is real.

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>>8670950
I thought the theme wasn't mandatory. Didn't the event page say it was fine if you didn't have a Harry Potter themed coord? And yeah there were some itas. I could only find one photo of them but they were in the background so I had to crop it and now it's tiny.

>>8670975
So where's your glorious coord anon?
>itas shaming itas

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>>8668375
>mfw when I am now in Ohio
What should I expect, gulls?

>>8671200
A really fun comm

>>8670917
ohh so thats where the page went.

>>8671061
This.

I joined the ATL FB group about a year or so ago and I messaged the admin just to introduce myself and was added to the group fine.

OP, maybe there was something odd on your profile?

>>8671200
kind of depends where you are in ohio, I know there's a pretty big community up north that cbus lolitas don't really interact with too much because of the distance

>>8671286
Seconding this. It depends on the area. There's usually three-ish groups, the Cleveland girls, the Columbus girls, and the Cincinatti girls. I live near cbus so I attend those meets. If I want to go to the ones the other two groups host it's usually a 3 hour drive or more, so unless it's a special meet I won't go.

>>8671178
I'm not ita tier, but I can admit my coord needed some more work.

>>8670678
I'm not, last year was alright, but I would rather save up for something else like the AP's 5 year anniversary meet

>>8671304
But these three groups all share the same facebook comm page? I'd love to do more stuff around cbus, but I only ever see northern meets- are they just the most active?

Why everyone pretend to be polite while wearing lolita and is such a cunt after we get to know them outside lolita? It's almost as if they wear a mask and pretend to be the most kawaii in the world at meetups.
I know that maybe I'm being salty here and I know that there's a lot of people that are not plike that but I don't understand why wearing lolita makes people change their personality for the day.

>>8671427
The Cincy group has another Facebook page, I think it's shared with northern KY? The Cbus group is pretty active, but I think meets happen in strange spurts and then it's quiet for awhile. North/northeast tends to be pretty active though, but I think there's more lolitas in the central area. I just think it's a matter of nobody wanting to host meets, whereas up north more people volunteer to host them.

>>8671438
You sound like you're very young, or don't get invited to things much.
That's just common social etiquette, people act nice and polite to make sure they don't offend anyone and don't start shit at an event. It doesn't mean they're fake, it just means they live up to the social expectation to be polite and inoffensive in public.

>>8671427
I was talking with some people at the last meet (the HP one) and I think the consensus was that we'd all like more meets in the cbus area. There is one coming up next month at COSI which has a decent number of people going. The problem is that since it's getting colder finding places and things to do is a bit harder otherwise I'd be planning a picnic meet right now.

>>8670975
You've literally just mentioned the two hostesses and their entourage. There were a lot of other cute girls at the meet. Girl 3rd from the right in the first pic had a very cute coord, there was a girl wearing a lady sloth OP that was very nice and the girl in the middle of the 3rd pic in the red dress and the girl to the left of her looked lovely.

>>8671561
I'm in cbus and I really like planning meets, parties, ect. The problem is hosting it? Because honestly dinner and afternoon tea meets get very old very quickly but it seems like there's a bunch of cheap asses who don't want to pay 10 bucks so we can go to other places.

>>8671463

not the anon you replied to, but idk. there's quite a few girls in my comm that go so far as to talk in cutesy "baby talk" voices at meets and simper at anything that moves. Aggressive pinkie-out tea sipping, changes in vocabulary to seem more "ladylike", shit's fucking weird.

To be fair though you can see right through it with most of them because they're glaring daggers at each other as soon as people turn their backs. Like, straight up as soon as the other girl turns around she's sneering and rolling her eyes. It's like being in a comm with Harvey Dent or something.

>>8671608
When's the last time we did a museum meet in cbus? The art museum is right there and would be perfect.

>>8671286
The entire state usually gets together around Ohayocon time.

>>8671615
we probably haven't done one since they started renovations because the museum was shite while they were adding on but they're opening everything up at the end of this have month so that's now an option! I always forget about it

>>8669050
We are a big but friendly comm join Tea Party Club on fb to see meet details. Anyone can create a meet so if there's something you fancy doing then just create an event and people will join.

>>8669481

>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
1800+ (for the whole country, London meetup are organised here too)
>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
Usually 30-45 people at meets recently. Maybe 800 active in the country? Lots of foreign lolita are group members too
>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
Sometimes people hang out privately with their friends but it's because we are friends outside of Lolita
>What style primarily dominates in meetups?
Classic
What style do you wear?
Classic
>How long have you been a part of your comm?
Maybe 2 years
>How did you find out about your comm?
LJ

>>8670283
What? They should at least explain the reasons if you ask - it could be a case of mistaken identity.
Are you notorious on the internet at all or have had any drama?

>>8669481
>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
Just under 200

>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
About 50-60 are active. Most "normal" meets have between 12 and 20 people turn up, but members kind of cycle. Big meets, the most we've had show up was 50ish? But people were coming and going, so it's hard to pin down an exact number. In general, a big meet usually takes a couple of months of planning, and will have 35-40 people.

>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
Yes and no. There was a new FB group didn't know about the main, long-established group. When they were pointed to the page, they stayed separate due to perceived elitism (several members did join the main comm after talking to active members, but the admins refused). There's also a "secret" comm (worst secret ever) of Chinese lolitas that have their own meets and events, but there's overlap between their group and the main comm as well.

>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?
Sweet and classic are pretty common, but people experiment a lot, especially for events like cons or big/themed meets. I mostly wear classic and gothic.

>How long have you been a part of your comm?
About four years, though I've been involved in lolita comms for about a decade now in different places where I've lived. This is the second largest comm I've been involved in.

>How did you find out about your comm?
Someone replied to a comment I made on LJ and pointed me to their FB page around the time I moved into the area.

>>8671615
I would definitely drive down for an art museum meet in cbus.

>>8671231
The funny thing is our new mod claims to be against bullying yet has bullied several girls out of the new community.

>>8672002
Me too. I've never been to the art museum at all.

>>8669481
>>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
Almost 400
>>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
I would say roughly 20-30 members attend meets regularly, either every monthly meet or at least one every other month.
>>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
Nope. Though one girl tried to make some 'lolita army' with her cosplay friends but I think that's before she joined the comm.
>>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?
Off the top of my head, people usually wear sweet. Second most popular is classic, and gothic is tied with or a little below that. Personally I wear sweet and gothic.
>>How long have you been a part of your comm?
I've attended meets for about a year, joined the group maybe two years ago.
>>How did you find out about your comm?
When I first got into the fashion I was curious and just did some googling to see if a comm existed in my area. A friend of mine is who initially got me to join and start attending meets, though.

>>8670903
I mean, there's also nothing stopping you from posting an anonymous warning in this thread. I agree that while you have good intentions, it may make you look like a drama monger yourself.

>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
I've seen about 25 at the most, on average is about 10.
>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
It hasn't thought it has two comms on either side of the mountains.
>What style primarily dominates in meetups? Sweet
What style do you wear?
I'm mostly in mature sweet, though they were times where I was overly sweet.
>How long have you been a part of your comm?
About 10 months
>How did you find out about your comm? Actually it was on CGL.

>>8670317
Probably SF again.

>>8670283
Fuck that comm. Make your own comm for the same area. You will get a bunch of itas that were the other comm's rejects but I am sure you will get a bunch of decent people as well.

I'm a lone lolita, never really clicked with anyone in my local comm. Added some girls on facebook sure, but we never talk unless I initiate and I guess I never really hit it off with anyone. I assume I'm just not very likable and boring.

I'm going to sound super pathetic but I have a gigantic house (born into a lot of money) and wish I could have a big meet here. I could host maybe close to 50 people, it's really large. I love cooking, baking, drinking, watching movies, chatting... it's kind of a dream of mine to have the local comm over, but two things that grind this dream to a halt is one, it's kind of creepy since I don't know anyone, and two I don't know how they all act as house guests. (Mainly in regards to not taking things or being messy... I don't suspect anyone ofc but I know things could happen since it's a variety of people.) Another fear is for people to think I am buying their friendship, I don't want to do that and I have also been taken advantage of that way in the past, so that stops me too. Also I am pretty socially awkward (grew up in high society so kids weren't supposed to speak much) so I don't think I could ever open up enough to get close enough to many people in my local comm. I don't have any real friends at all, really. Oh well. It's a nice dream to have in my head at least. Sorry for the whining, I just felt compelled to say this somewhere.

>>8672627
Oh, bugger off
We don't decline people in that way

To the lolitas walking near Chinatown in Toronto this evening: you were looking pretty cute!

>>8671427
The group is statewide, so when a meet is planned, everyone see's it. Cincy has their own group, but it didn't seem active when I was in it. The meets tend to be held within city limits since populations are more clustered, especially up north. I guess there's also more things to do northside that are weather neutral like museums, movies, and indoor tea party events. I don't know what's in the southern half though.

>>8672702
I suggest to go to more meets or talk more online.
You need to be close with more people before hosting something at your HOUSE

>>8670808
Because if you organize a private meet-up through the community page, that is rude and improper. Keep it off the page and no one has any room to complain.

It is like the old school rule that if you pass out birthday party invitations on the school property, you had to invite everyone in your class. It sounds stunted, but it really works in the adult world.

>>8669643
>>8669652
I have to say I agree with this. I loaned one of my dresses to my friend who I probably knew as well as you do this girl.

It was her birthday and she only owned 1 replica and 1 bodyline. I felt bad for her because she only got like three presents on her birthday between all her friends and family (small gifts, like low amount gift cards and tea) and I couldn't make it to the party because I had work. She really wanted to buy an AP dress with her birthday money but didn't get any from her family and she was already living from paycheck to paycheck. I felt really bad for her so for her actual bday day (her party was the week before, and on the day of her bf took her to dinner) I loaned her one of my dresses. It was an older AP dress that I like but it's not vital-organ important like my others.

She gave it back to me with a few weird yellow stains on the front of the skirt. They aren't blatant but they're there. I'm thinking she splashed food on it, however she didn't acknowledge it or anything when she handed it back. I was so pissed and also frustrated because I know she is broke so getting her to pay for it would amount to nothing, especially since I didn't know her super well. Haven't load a thing out since.

So basically, definitely get a CASH loan preferably when lending things out, I'd say the 1/2 the value of the dress. I'm lucky mine was older and not worth much, emotionally or financially, but fuck... some people really don't know how to treat clothing well, let alone when borrowing.

>>8669632
Or you could conveniently disappear from social media for a while and then say someone in the family died who you were close to and you aren't up for it anymore.

>>8672706
Yeah I know, which is why I know this will never fly. I guess I am tried of trying to force a connection when people honestly don't seem to like me or have the patience for my personality (don't talk much, quiet... friendly but boring). I did try initiating interaction a lot (offering to make plans with some of the girls outside of meets, making small talk) but I get very little back and after a while I get tired of reaching but no one reaching back.

>>8672733
nah, don't do half the price of the dress, they could then argue "i thought you were selling it to me!!" or some other stupid shit excuse

i would do full price, and they get the money back when the dress is returned
if they don't have the collateral money to put down when borrowing it, what makes you think they'll have the money to pay you back if they damage it

>>8672746
Okay fine full price, that's fine. They could keep it no matter what technically.

But also be clear on what constitutes as damage. Stains, snags, etc. Have a good look over it *together* before you hand it over too, to look for any previously existing flaws. Last thing you want is for them to argue that stain was there before they put it on.

But IMO just don't loan it out at all. I'm anal about it now though so I am biased.

>>8672702
Are you old money or something? I've known a few megarich kids and kids from royal families and none of them had the seen but not heard rule growing up. Turned out alright socially, actually.

Anyone here from Indianapolis? I have requested to join a few FB groups I saw, but haven't heard anything about it. Not sure if I was looking at old groups and just couldn't find the currently active comm page, or if you guys just don't want me lol. The coord in my picture is not that cute, but I have better stuff now if I ever get invited to another event

>>8672752
Yes, fairly old. It could have just been my family too, but that's what my mother told me to do when I was younger. I don't blame my awkwardness on though, if anything getting to some of my hobbies probably contributed to that. But honestly it's probably just how I am.

>>8672702
Aw. That'd be really fun. I agree with the other anon. Think of relationships as an investment. Make an effort to reach those people and give it time to let your friendships grow. Good luck!

Out of curiosity, how does your family feel about lolita? I can't help imagining that people with an elevated social and economic status wouldn't want to associate with alternative type things. Sorry if this question seems rude.

>>8672768
In a sense, as lolita focuses on elegance above everything, I could see rich parents appreciating it much more than, say, punk or goth. Well, if you stick with classic, that is.

>>8672702
Advice as a therapist who has had clients in your same position:

1. Don't let anyone know how wealthy you are.
2. Don't talk about how easy it is for you to buy things. Be noncommittal, non-judgmental, and at least pretend like you understand the financial constraints of other Lolita. There will be those who will resent you for being able to drop mad cash on things they have to scrap and scrimp for. Those who don't resent you will be the most likely candidates to take advantage of you.
3. Always do dutch when going out.
4. Show a preference for nice but budgeted items and experiences when in their company.
5. Put yourself out there.
6. Lurk a lot. Add them to your facebook, but do not show yourself. I've honestly suggested to clients that they make a separate account, but I know FB makes that hard.
7. Watch people. Really get to know them. See who puts an emphasis on entitlement, "i.e. this is my dream dress and everyone should bend over backwards to enable it!"
8. Don't bring them into your home until the individual has shown that they can trust you.
9. Offer to host and run meet-ups at locations. Do little things that show your generosity and your social graces. i.e. Organize a high tea meet-up.
10. Never loan out money to someone who needs only to be interested in you because of your elite wardrobe. Offer only to your close friends, and only when you can say the loan includes a small portion that can be counted as a birthday or Holiday gift. This will guide you into asking yourself if this is someone you could give $10 or a $100 gift.
11. Of course, don't ever loan money that you'll really miss.
13. Try and show that you budget a little, too.

Be careful. If you invite the whole comm to a meet-up at your old money house as way of your introduction, it will be creepy to some and also an invitation to be taken advantage of by others.

>>8672791

Out of curiosity, do you also advise your rich but alienated clients to do this?

I'm mildly impressed. The therapists I saw either tend to sugar coat things or go completely freudian on me instead of giving a good hard practical approach with no frills attached.

I"m not rich. I'm just pretty impressed with how level headed your advice is.

>>8672768
Yes, I agree with your point of view, I guess having some important relationships go sour just really rubbed me the wrong way. I felt really betrayed which took away a lot of the energy I had to reach out and try as much. I had a hard time making friends originally because I am pretty quiet, but it is harder now because of what happened. Plus I don't have a lot in common with my local comm because our ages, interests, and lives are fairly different.

I don't feel that is rude at all, I'm happy to answer. I actually never told any of them. I know for a fact they wouldn't approve of such a different fashion so I keep it to myself for the last three years (I just turned 25). I don't live with my family anymore so it's fairly easy to keep it a secret but I don't wear it out much, mainly at home or I dress up my mannequin. It is pretty lonely not getting to enjoy the hobby with anyone though.

>>8672791
>2. Don't talk about how easy it is for you to buy things. Be noncommittal, non-judgmental, and at least pretend like you understand the financial constraints of other Lolita. There will be those who will resent you for being able to drop mad cash on things they have to scrap and scrimp for. Those who don't resent you will be the most likely candidates to take advantage of you.

This. Seriously, I've had close friends getting pissed at me just because I talked about how I wanted to buy clothes from big brands. Sometimes you don't even intend to show off but people interpret it that way. Besides, being humble never hurts.

>>8672799
I had this happen recently and it wasn't even over lolita, it was over going to an in-state convention that has a large lolita attendance. Soon as I posted about buying tickets for it I got a tweet from a friend doing that damn crying emoji and I asked her did she want to go and "Oh no, I don't have any money right now and I don't want to beg my parents for it."

You're a grown woman begging your parents for money for merch and trips. I have no pity for you.

>>8672791
Oh wow... thank you so much. I really, really appreciate you taking the time to write this up for me. I will save it and refer to it until it sticks.

I am pretty much a ghost on social media, I never really put anything on my facebook and do not try to brag about my privileges. I also try to avoid talking about expenses and not display anything that would let my lifestyle slip but I got into trouble a few times in the past and lost quite a few people I really cared about because of money. I think I have just become so insecure about getting burned again that I have become kind of a ghost in personality too. I am so afraid to get close to people now and too afraid to talk about myself because of how hurt I was. I am probably cultivating even more problems because of this now, like staying home by myself drinking wine instead of going out on a Saturday and trying to make relationships with people which is all I ever really wanted. But I realize there are probably a lot of things off with me and I am just not strong enough to overcome them yet.

But again thank you again, anon. I will use this information as well as I can.

>>8672791
I've had a problem with doing the exact opposite of this in the past. When my lolita purchases came up, I would try to make it obvious that it wasn't a large purchase and money wasn't a big deal to me, to overcompensate for the fact that I was really scraping and saving (and going so far as to sacrifice basic life necessities) for any lolita purchase. In my last comm, I had a reputation because of that and it really hurt because it was so far from the truth.

That said, nothing bothers me more than the one girl who will complain that every meetup or lolita purchase is too expensive or she can't afford it. Just silently be able to not afford it with grace and dignity, nobody else cares about your life hardships.

>>8672826
>I have become kind of a ghost in personality too.

Anon, you sound so sad and lonely, I wish I could give you a hug. Or at least sit around and drink wine in the dark with you.

>>8672826
I would hang out with you in lolita and not care about money. A meetup in a nice house with good food and friends would be great, regardless of size. I understand that people are brought up and born into situations they can't control be it wealth or poverty. But what matters is just being a good understanding person. It sounds like you have a good heart anon, and it seems like it's in the right place.

Unfortunately the reality is, this fashion attracts a lot of people who are young, usually struggling to get by (such is the neet life), and so many fucking salty jealous kids who are quick to assume that owning brand means you're rich and spoiled.

>>8672826
I'm struggling to figure this out. Are people really that rude as to not be friends with someone based on their financial situation?

>>8672826
That's awful, anon. I'd be your friend.

I think it depends a lot on your comm. My comm has a lot of adults (late 20s to 30s) who are already established in their careers and are well-adjusted enough not to instantly resent someone for being well off. But if your local comm is full of younger girls or broke people then you're probably going to run into trouble. For some reason lolita attracts a lot of petty people who aren't doing so hot financially.

>>8672852
You are so sweet anon, thank you. I wish we could do that too. I am definitely pretty lonely right now, I hope that will change but I know I am the one who has to take charge, grow from what I experienced, and make my social situation better for myself. It's just hard since I still feel really hurt and it felt easier to just fade away.

>>8672856
Thank you, it makes me feel really happy reading this. I have yet to make any good friends who are lolita, the experiences I had so far have been with people not into the fashion, but I realize it is a bit of a mixed party bag of personalities so I have to be extra careful. I think the effort it takes is what is scaring me right now since I have so little.

>>8672791
I have this same problem too. I'm trying to remain calm and not say anything. I don't have a burden most people have these days. Thought about departing a Comm and joining another Comm soon. I feel disassociated and need to strive for something better.

>invite the whole comm to a meet-up at your old money house as way of your introduction

Yeah definitely not happening.

>>8672826
I understand ya. Same problem here. Don't grown up and become a Scrooge.

>>8672864
I hope I can help clarify. It's not so much as people didn't want to be friends with me because I was born into money, it was more that once they knew my situation they started having high expectations for me to fill financially and then never got me back.

For example, birthdays. Tthey would talk up how excited they were about what I would surprise them with or whine at me about how no one every gives them anything... and then after being very generous to them on their birthdays, they didn't even show up on mine let alone send a card or anything. Another was driving. They always asking me to drive, never giving me a ride back or offering gas money, even though I don't need it the mindfulness would have been nice. When they started coming over more often they basically expected I cover all the food ("So what are you making/buying for dinner?") and never offering to bring things over or help out. I would have treated them of course, but I was starting to feel very used the way they went about it. On an emotional level, I would be there to talk with them if they were struggling with something but then if I had any problems they wouldn't have time to listen or would give me one word responses. This is one group in particular, the most recent one I am referring to, there were six of us. When I started to voice how I was feeling about everything, in a way that I honestly felt wasn't accusatory, they all dropped me.

I realize I was being too much of a pushover for too long which was my fault, but having acceptance from friends is really important to me because I get really emotionally attached to my friends due to not having many throughout my childhood/teens. I can't help but care and try to do anything to make my friends happy. I just put my love in the wrong people too easily, it has happened more than once so a lot is my responsibility, but I still got really hurt in the process.

Sorry, I should probably stop. I didn't mean for this to become a huge vent.

>>8672902
Ah, that makes sense. I'm sorry that happened to you. Not all people are like this.

>>8672902
I'm sorry, lots of errors. I'm not very coherent right now, which is one reason I am probably spilling so much here.

>>8672894
Did something happen in your current comm or are you just having trouble clicking? And yes, I am trying my best to not become a scrooge. I love being generous with people, but unfortunately my past close friends haven't been as sincere as I hoped.

>>8672878
Thank you, I appreciate that and wish that could happen. Yes, I think that was part of the problem. A lot of the people in my local comm are in their late teens/early twenties or my age and struggling so much financially I almost feel awkward getting close to them. The ones struggling openly bash "brandwhores" and people who spend "$30 on OTKs" and also have almost a... hive mind? about what is and isn't okay to spend money on, so I just stay quiet because I feel like they would resent me if they knew.

>>8672902
I get that. I've had similar things happen, but not really due to money. People would walk all over me, or use me for either skills or just abuse my kindness. I wanted to be accepted and have friends or romantic relationships so badly that I just sort of took it.

But there comes a point where you have to learn to be assertive, if for anything to protect yourself. I still struggle with it. It's hard when you are a generally caring and generous person, who really puts others needs ahead of their own. It's a really hard thing to grasp that a lot of people just don't give two shits about you and you are only a part of their lives for their own personal benefit. Be it company, money, or whatever you can provide for them. It really sucks, but eventually I'm sure you'll find a good group of people who will appreciate you!

>>8669109
Yo I've bought from teavana before I heard that it was overpriced. Where would you recommend for chai and herbals? Other teas?

>>8672918
I completely agree with you, I am trying to become stronger in that sense, it's just really hard. (Not that it should be easy, I just feel discouraged because I'm still having a hard time since everything fell apart last year.) It's difficult for me to adjust to that reality since I thought friendship would be very different when I was younger and was so happy to have finally connected with people that way. But thank you, I hope you will find (or have found) a good group of people who appreciate you too!

>>8672907
Thank you, hearing things like this from you and the other lolitas commenting makes me feel more hopeful, I just need to become stronger to put myself out there again.

>>8672945
not that anon but My city has a few tea salons that sell really good tea from around the world. We also have this organic apocathary that sells those blooming teas and general tea by the ounce and it's really good. Check out local establishments around you!

>>8672791
I know people from really healthy families that are such BITCHES. Once we were at a party where most of the girls were from our local comm and she just kept saying how she hated common people foods. I mean, WTF, if you don't like the place or the food, just don't come.

On the other hand, I have a pretty close friend that is really shy and have loads of money that she don't show off. Sometimes we go to her house, but most of the time she comes to our houses and never, ever complains about frivolous things and she is REALLY GOOD with advices.
I guess it depends on how you where raised.

>>8672826
Sorry to ask but.. where are you from?

>>8672979
I'd rather not say specifically if that's okay, but I am from the US.

>>8670678
I will probably go. It was fun last year, a little crowded, food looks promising this year.

>>8672912
I left after a while and no ones' feelings were hurt. I think there's something amiss and I need to go where I will be happy.

Have you made some new friends recently to match your hobbies? Try to reassess your social circles.

I just moved to Montecito CA and I am looking for a comm but the SoCal facebook comm seems to be... not exactly dead, but it doesn't look like they are doing anything at all. The last several posts over the last few months appear to be primarily sales posts. I mean, the very first post I see is something from 2013 that has just been bumped back to the top!

I was hoping that when I moved here I would be closer to an active comm with events, but honestly it looks even deader here than the place I left.

>>8673182
SoCal is extremely active, you're not looking at the right groups. Search for LA Lolitas, OC Lolitas, and SD Lolitas, those groups are all very active and well dressed.

>>8673204
Everyone says that but I have been looking since well before I came here and honestly, either I am having trouble finding groups or you guys are just not as active as your claim.

In the biggest So Cal comm on facebook there are no events this month other than a disneyland event that I already missed. I don't expect a ton of meetups all the time but it is October and there are no Halloween themed tea parties or anything? Really? I don't want to have to drive all the way down to SD for a meet, that's excessive even for me and I have to drive an hour to and from class every day.

>>8673231
Sounds like you're giving up before even trying to look. I don't know what to tell you, there's plenty of meets. You may have better luck meeting and friending some of the lolitas in the community and getting invited to the smaller meets.

>>8673234
Been looking for a year, possibly longer, ever since I knew there was a chance I would move here. A year ago it was more active, it has clearly dwindled since then. I would love to meet some of you guys, but honestly where are you finding meets? Really, please, post links to active comms, I am not finding them.

>>8673018
Haven't posted ITT yet but I'm from the bay area region of California. I'd hang out with you, anon! I've made lots of friends that had just moved here and helped introduce them and make friends of their own. Plus I'm not living in poverty or anything so I can pay for my own things when we go out and show you where everything is.

>>8673182
There is a Lolita day at Disneyland happening today anon. I know some of the SD lolitas are supposed to be driving up for it too.

Any gulls going?

>>8673245
I'd consider joining up with some of the surrounding comms. I'm in the L.A. and O.C. comms. I need I see about finding the inland empire one since I moved to the area.

>>8673418

Man. I'm suppose to go. But my CM friend who was going to sign me in got food poisoning and can't sign me in(he messaged me at 12AM this morning. My husband has an aunt and uncle who work for Disney so I'm hoping one of them can get me in.

All my old friends in the comm have been avoiding me and making statuses with filters so I don't see them. I don't know what is going on. At a recent meet I kept getting stated at by one of my old friends who ignored me, just right out ran past me to hug someone else. I'm struggling to make new friends and I'm in this pit of depression that I can't seem to be able to get out of.

I was visitng my hometown comm a while back. I wanted to make a meet to meet some of them. The mod made the meet and she has a weird system where she numbers them "meet 1, meet 2". She then set a time to it which I didn't agree to but did it anyways. I wasn't able to go to my own meet. Wtf I left the comm and now I don't care to meet any of them. The mod is a weird and controlling.

>>8669481
>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?

Little shy of 500
>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?

30 hard to count, they're not all always at the same meet.

>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?

Someone tried but they are a boring bunch.

>What style primarily dominates in meetups? What style do you wear?

Sweet, I think.

>How long have you been a part of your comm?

3 years

>How did you find out about your comm?

Tumblr led me to a fairy kei group and then that led me to the lolita comm

>>8673445
Same. This seems to be very common. People move on, people change.

>>8673449
What comm is this? Sounds familiar.

Does anyone have stories of people getting kicked out of comms recently?

>>8673512
I guess it is, huh. It doesn't help that I live so far away from everyone and I can't seem to connect with anyone without interacting with them physically.

>>8673512
That's no excuse to treat an old friend this poorly, though. Sometimes indifference hurts much more than hatred.

>>8669481
Damn all these girls replying with so many active members. Wished I belonged to a comm with that many active members.

>>8672826
I feel so bad for you Anon. You sound really quiet and sweet. I think more comms could use calmer members.

I never understood how people can be so dumb about money. I'm friends with some pretty affluent people and its never been a big deal about their house or anything.
If anything, I learned that a lot of rich kids parents made them earn their allowances just like the rest of us had to!

>>8672902
Definitely not your fault. They sound like the kind of people who would take advantage of anyone. I mean, who just flat out expects someone to buy them a fancy gift? Rude! I'm just happy when people can meet up and hang out for mine.

I just remembered about this, anons can add their throwaway email contact to this map! https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1026052

>>8673512
>>8673529
We don't even have the whole story. If her whole comm is avoiding her there is probably a reason for it. >>8673445 do you remember exactly when it was they started ignoring you? Did you commit a social faux pas that you never acknowledged? Did someone try to confront you about something and you blew them off or played the victim?

>>8669481
>If your comm has a Facebook page how many members does it have?
Close to 250

>From your experience how many members are actually active (as in how many of the comm's members have you seen at meetups)?
About 30 - 40

>Has your comm ever split into separate groups? Why?
We're split geographically with some girls at the top of the state, some in the middle, and some at the bottom

>What style primarily dominates in meetups?
Classic and gothic

>What style do you wear?
Sweet or Classic

>How long have you been a part of your comm?
About a year

>How did you find out about your comm?
FB

>>8673231
SoCal Lolitas is dead, all the action went to LA Lolitas.

Clearly you're not looking at all, because if you were you'd know about 3 upcoming meetups for October alone.

>>8672704
Thanks anon :3c

My comm is notoriously cliquish and for awhile I wanted to be in the clique too. But after spending some time there I came to realize we have very little in common and some of their personalities aren't great and I don't enjoy spending time with them. I'm more grateful for the friends I already have and don't care about being in that group any more.
Not trying to make a statement about how popular grils are bad blahblah. I just wanted to remind fellow anons that sometimes the it group isn't that great. Don't pressure yourself to fit in.

>>8672845
Are you me anon? I racked up large amounts of debt buying tonnes of Lolita and other designer clothes last year and I'm only just getting back on my feet now. I always go for expensive meals out and afternoon tea with my friends, sometimes multiple times a week.
When I was a kid my parents were wealthy but lived frugally so maybe it's something to do with that?
idk I hate looking poor even thought I'm really struggling financially

>>8673566
I know how that feels. My local comm has ~30 members in the facebook group but I'd probably say about 5 are active and meets are rare.

hey, gulls, do any of you have any experience with running a comm? i'm starting one where i live, since there aren't any real lolita communities, but i don't know where to start past the creation of a facebook. i've run communities before and hosted events for those communities, but none are what i would call lolita appropriate (beach days, mostly).

what makes a good lolita community? what kind of events have you run or gone to that you've liked? etc.

>>8674254
That's around as small as mine is too. If like 3 girls can't make it to a meet, that pretty much leaves the girl that's planning it as the only one going.

>>8673158
I agree about it being too crowded last year. There weren't enough chairs for everyone. But it was a good time

Anyone know if there's any active Oujis in the Portland comm? I've been to one meet, didn't really see any, but maybe it wasn't the right one. Want to know if I'll be all alone going into Ouji.

>>8674342
There are a few that I know of that switch between lolita and ouji from meet to meet

>>8673759
I fell off the map for a little while while I struggled with some personal issues. There was already people that didn't like me and I get that not everyone will like you. When I came back ties were broken and everything was awkward, I sent a couple of private messages but I received no answers. So I really don't know what it was that I did.

>>8671610
>It's like being in a comm with Harvey Dent or something
I shouldn't be laughing this hard, but props for this.

>>8672883
>>8672902
Anon, you sound super sweet, and I'm so sorry to hear about how people have treated you. If you ever want a penpal or something akin to that, I'd love to talk to you! I kind of struggle socially as well ever since I moved states with my family, so I'd love a lolita friend to talk to. I hope that doesn't sound like a strange offer or anything though.

@ any of the anons from higher backgrounds: I always hear about people using others for their money, but it always seemed kind of like one of those tropes you see in a movie. It boggles my mind that someone could actually have expectations of a friend as if they are obligated to be generous to them? It might be because I'm from lower-middle class, but people spending money on me makes me so incredibly uncomfortable since I've always had a family that has trouble affording simple luxuries at times - can't have expectations like that when the people around you simply can't do it. And I just can't imagine someone being so entitled, even if you COULD afford it. I went out with people just a week or so ago to McDonald's of all places, and I felt incredibly anxious just letting someone buy me a damn McFlurry. jfc I know that's my anxiety getting to me, but still.

>>8674342
You won't be alone, anon. I wear both lolita and ouji, and I'd be motivated to wear ouji more often if there were more people who did it.

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My comm was supposed to hold an event today, but had to cancel because it was really short notice and not enough people were able to come. As I was the only besides the host gung ho about going, she personally invited me for a day out. Went to a really cute uptown shop that was half-teahouse, half candy store and had a gorillion lolita things to talk about. Then we went to get some thai food because it came up in conversation. After that, we chilled at her place and got to see her wardrobe. Swapped an accessory, too. Definitely a great first experience with my comm in this city.

>>8675115
These kind of 2-person meetups are awesome. I really like it when I get to spend time with a person. I've done it a couple of times and It's a lot of fun

>>8675045
It sounds like a trope, but you don't even have to be super rich to observe this behavior. I have a little more spending money than a lot of my comm's members because I'm out of college and have a full-time job. My job has an impressive-sounding title, but in reality it pays like crap, and I have to budget really strictly for rent, student loans, food, and the extra "fun" money to pay for lolita and outings. Some of the girls in college with part-time jobs probably have as much casual spending money as me, assuming their parents are still paying for their living costs.

But when we go to meets, people will expect me to cover the difference on a bill if someone doesn't pay their entire amount. I've had to pay an extra $10 to $30 at meets to cover other people, and everyone always looks to me to do this so that we don't get in trouble with the restaurant. Or people will sometimes tell me, "Oh anon, this place is cash only. I forgot to bring cash, so can you cover me?" Sometimes they pay me back, sometimes they don't. Most of the time they won't step up with the money at all unless I message them repeatedly with reminders to pay me back. (And then I end up feeling stingy for bugging people about money.)

>>8675331
Grow a spine. Be more honest about your money situation and say it's not in your budget, say no, only bring enough cash for yourself, tell the mods you can't afford it. People will continue to take advantage of you if you let them, and you don't deserve that stress.

It should be up to the mods to ban or reprimand people that can't pay for themselves.

>>8675045
Hello, thank you for writing me and telling me you would like to be a penpal. I actually might really enjoy that, do you have a throwaway I could message? My replies might be a bit spotty at times though since I have been struggling with myself a lot more lately, but it sounds like it would be very nice to have a lolita penpal.

Yes, it is really strange how expectations like that can happen. I do know I am to blame, since I was being a doormat and too giving to the wrong people too early, but it really sucks how people will take advantage like that. With that particular group, at first I would do things for them like, say, pick them up, and they would thank me and be very nice about it. But later on it became more of an expectation, same with the other things I mentioned. I was blind to it though, since I was just trying to make my friends happy. I really cared about them because I was so happy to finally make friends with people who were fun to be with (they had very strong personalities which I like being around since I am so quiet) and had so many similar interests as me. Two of them were actually interested in lolita too but they said they could not afford to be in the hobbby. We did talk about it from time to time though.

>>8675331
I am so sorry you have had this expectation put upon you as well. That sounds terrible that people in your comm that you (possibly?) don't know very well would have expectations like that and also not pay you back for covering them. Nothing is worse than having to hound someone to pay you back, I definitely learned the hard way about that myself and it's a miserable place to be. I hope we both can become strong enough stop giving needlessly to those who just want to take advantage and also see who those types of people are more easily.

>>8674681
Fell off the map as in you didn't respond to them or warn them you wouldn't be active? If you suddenly disappear then people are going to care less about you as time goes on. If you did tell them you needed a break then they should respect that but some people need constant attention to keep others as friends. Have you confronted them in person and asked specifically what you did wrong? You should explain that you were struggling and have no idea what happened but if you did just drop contact for a period of time then it's normal behaviour from them.

>>8674267
tea events are obviously the go-to, but if you don't have a tea house, find a cute cafe that can fit your comm without your poof inconveniencing other customers.
Museum meets are great (art or history! shoot, even science museums are neat. Whatever museums are nearby enough for a meet, honestly)
When the weather isn't super shitty or too hot/cold, host a picnic for a more casual meet
Go to the zoo or aquarium
Go to the fair/circus/an amusement park (deflated pettis or no pettis may be easier to fit in the rides)
haunted houses and hay rides during the fall months
skating and caroling events during winter
go to a part of town with a bunch of quirky shops and antique stores and just browse together for a smaller meetup

>>8670711
In my comm most of the drama has been started by a small handful of special snowflakes who take every little thing as a slight against them. Recently one of them started claiming to be a trans man while making zero effort to appear masculine, and when a newer member used female pronouns for them they apparently got pissy and started vagueposting on FB about feeling unwelcome and the comm being full of bigots. Many people had no idea what she was referring to and took her at her word, leading to a mini witch-hunt for "the bigot" who didn't exist in the first place.
Some people thrive on conflict and enjoy making mountains out of molehills. You only need one of these in your comm to have drama. And like anon said, you can't just exclude someone from a fashion group for having an annoying personality; for some reason these types always have friends who stick up for them and want them to stay.
A few years ago the worst snowflakes in my comm flounced and left lolita completely. What followed was over a year of wonderful drama-free chillitude. Unfortunately they were eventually replaced by other snowflakes who seem to need drama to survive. The circle of life, I guess?

>>8673795
I'm moving to SoCal soon and am part of a few local groups. I can confirm that there are a few October events and a small arcade meetup in early November.

I'll be close to LB and will try to make it to the upcoming events to introduce myself and hopefully make some friends in the process. I've heard positive things about the SoCal comms and that they're fairly active so I'm looking forward to being a part of it.

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A girl in my comm (nordic country) posts alot of porn she draws on her personal tumblr. I came accross it by accident but the stuff there is very /d/ ...
Not like ageplay but futa/femdom/bdsm and the likes. I honestly wish she would leave the comm now.

>>8675844
For not being a vanillafag...? As long as she isn't talking about it at each meet and shoving her kinks into people's face, I don't see the problem.

>inb4 b-but lolitas are supposed to be lovelies!1!!

>>8675844
Who cares? There are a ton of lolitas who enjoy waifu worship, yuri, bara, futa, etc. Most of them keep their sexual preferences private though.

>>8675579
>It should be up to the mods to ban or reprimand people that can't pay for themselves.

Absolutely, reprimand and then ban if it ever happens again. That is just nonsense, if you can afford Lolita you can damn well afford to pay for your tea. If someone tried that with me i'd make them call their boyfriend or their mom to drive over some cash, that would probably stop their irresponsible behavior in the future.

>>8675850
>>8675869
She posts it on that tumblr.
I forgot to mention shes talked about enjoying roleplaying a ''kind almost too loving mother'' but her partner not liking calling her mom, and posted this ''i kind of wanna dom in my taobao jsk because looking eligant while dominating is pretty nice and saves the effort of changing after a meetup lmao'' so she obvously has a fetish for the fashion too.
Either way shes a pervert and even if its not on her main tumblr she still publishes it on tumblr and I don't think pervs belong in our comm.

>>8675874
Oh fuck off, what she does in private is her personal business.

>>8675874
>2015
>"pervert"
smh

I'm honestly so fucking done with my comm. I tried to plan an nice meet up that was a little more expensive and everyone the day of said it was too expensive and with the "holidays" they can't afford a $40 meet. $40 is not very much especially when you're given three weeks to save up. I'm just done with try to save this comm. I honestly feel like I'm one of the few that cares and loves the fashion.

>>8675777
>In my comm most of the drama has been started by a small handful of special snowflakes who take every little thing as a slight against them.
Ugh, this so fucking hard. Also, if you hear someone complaining about how bitchy/rude/unwelcoming other lolitas/the lolita community is? They're a problem, run far away.

>>8675940
I'm sorry to hear that anon. People are such cheap asses

>>8675885
>>8675912
SHE PUTS IT ON TUMBLR.
She is obvously some fetishist, she probably has sex in her dresses.

>>8675965
Her personal Tumblr. Why are you stalking her personal, non-main, blog?

>>8675973
Shes obviously an attention whore if she blogs about this stuff. She has no shame.
It should be kept in the bedroom...

>>8672752
I'mnot from a rich family but I very much was taught children are seen and not heard. Also told you are not to speak unless spoken to first. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

>>8675962
It's just irritating that the day of people are saying they can't go when they had three weeks to tell me.

>>8675954
A Lolita that used to be in my community loves to complain about how my community had so much drama but now that she is gone it's gotten so much better. We've finally gotten rid of all of the drama-llamas, whiners and snowflakes and it is so nice.

>>8675979
Or maybe she uses tumblr as an outlet to share her interests (sexual or otherwise) with like-minded people free from judgment? As long as she's not messaging people from the comm or posting it to a main group page or something who the fuck cares. Grow up.

>>8675844
Lolitas have lives and interests outside of lolita, anon. If you stumbled across it by accident, chances are she isn't out there flaunting it. Get over it.

>>8675979
It's a fucking blog, get over it. Don't look at it. I have different tumblr blogs for different things. At least she's not cramming it onto her personal blog
>dont like dont look

>>8675844
>I stalk other lolis in my comm online. I found something I didn't like and now I want her kicked out of the comm even though it's none of my business.
Just have to feel like you're better than someone else huh anon? Unless she's crossposting her art to the comm it's completely unrelated and you're just being a petty bitch. Let me guess, she's more popular than you or her coords are better than yours? Can't think of another reason why you'd be trying so hard to feel superior.

>>8676027
Fucking this

>>8675579
One time at a meet, I didn't step up to cover the price difference from cheapos who shorted the bill. It became extremely awkward with everyone going around the table saying, "Well I paid my share, I'm not putting in anymore!" Obviously someone was lying, otherwise we would have had enough to cover the amount owed... Unless you're watching everyone like a hawk and calculating how much each person owes, it can be really hard to figure out who's shorting the bill.

I should mention that some of the girls who have done this are pretty e-famous and popular in the comm. If I whined about it publicly, I would probably alienate more than half of the comm, and there's certainly no way they would get banned.

>>8675735
Anon, I posted my message to let you know that the crappy situation you've experienced is actually pretty common. It can happen to anyone if there's a perception that they're even slightly better off financially, including anyone with a job or who owns lots of brand, etc. I think its the nature of being in a hobby where there's such a big age/economic gap between members in the same group. Especially when its a consumerist hobby where almost everyone is always short on money because they're constantly buying stuff.

>>8675844
Are you Finnish?

>>8676043
Where are the mods? Speak to them. It doesn't have to be a big public complaint, but could just be a small quiet change in how you pay as a group. Easiest would be to have the mod or organizer personally collect everyone's payment and check against their bill, or for set costs like high tea, have everyone pay in advance. That sounds like a nightmare for you. Hope it changes. Unexpected expenses are the worst.

>>8676043
the mod in my comm always takes time after each meetup to calculate how much each person owes with gratuity included so there will never be any awkward fuckups, or if that happens, people will be like can you cover for me and paypal the extra amount right away on their phone. If someone's shorting the bill, it will be known right away by the mods. It takes a ton of extra time, but at least we don't have your situation.

So many girls in my comm are now pansexual, demisexual or genderfluid etc. I'm getting so fed up with this. All of these girls are in relationships with men and are just trying to look "progressive". It comes of as attention seeking.

One girl in particular changes her gender status monthly. She whines about why her parents don't take her seriously while doing nothing to look masculine because she identifies herself as a feminine man.

They make a much bigger deal about their sexuality than any LGBT member in our comm.

>>8675844
Literally why the fuck would you care about this?

>>8676101
You can be pansexual and be in a relationship with a man anon, just saying

But yeah, a comm member recently got onto T and constantly complains about how horny their 'dick' is

It gets irritating

>>8676112
Yeah, I know. I just find it odd that all the girls that go on about being "insert sexuality here" are in traditional relationships with men while the people just identify as LGBT are dating or have dated people of a different gender without making it sound as if they're special for doing so. None of these girls have tried and mostly likely won't try to have sex with someone that is trans or intersex (and probably the same sex either) so they have no reason to make a big deal about it.

>>8676043
One way you can do this is to have someone who collects the money when it is on one bill. Usually this is the host but anyone can. So they are seeing the money given to them and can calculate it out irl. Easy when it's one price for everyone but it just takes a pen to write it out.

>>8676101
Same here anon
I avoid these people but there are so many. Right now they're all posting about asexual awareness. Who gives a shit?

>>8676165
It's asexual awareness day on Wednesday anon, that's probably why

>>8675965
>Not even answering whether she talks about it during meets

Who cares? You can always unfollow her tumblr and not talk to her.

Don't be such a cunt

>>8676169
Sure, but again, who cares?

>>8676169
I'm curious, why would you even need awareness for this?

>>8676043
Girl, I have been there before too. One time I hosted a tea party and this ita swore that she was coming. RSVP'd and everything. Then on the day of, she went ghost and I got stuck with her bill. I learned the hard way that if I'm ever going to host a set menu tea party, all the money needs to be upfront.

>>8676211
people tend to tell asexuals they're broken/need to see a doctor or that it's just a phase and they'll grow out of it, and that hurts their little tumblrina feelings

>>8675983
Same. But I was raised by my grandparents. Maybe it's a generational thing?

>>8675985
Lmao AZ?

>>8676211
They're typically told that they don't exist since it's typically lgbt, and the a isn't in there anywhere

>>8676252
>mfw I used to say I was asexual and then I grew out of it
Plus there are actual hormonal issues that can make people have zero sex drive, just like there are hormonal issues that result in people being hypersexual. Lulz.

>>8675844
I don't really understand what the issue is. I've stumbled upon people's personal porn tumblrs and it's something that doesn't matter. I knew a lolita who would whine about it like you and actual visit this other girls porn tumblr at least every other day just to "laugh at it" and "make fun of it", which wasn't creepy at all. Remember, if you don't like it, just know the right thing to do is ignore it.

>>8676259
I think so. Lately society has more the attitude of "my precious crotch dropping is a special snowflake, if you don't pay attention to its specialness, you're an asshole"

>>8675940
Are you me anon? I tried to do the same but these cheap asses had 6 months. 6 fucking months, and no one wants to fucking commit and pay for our deposit upfront even though everyone says they want to do it...but no one wants to throw down. They want me to pay for everything out of pocket and if they have monry the day of, they'll come. Otherwise sucks to be me. Last time i try to do anything for this comm

>>8672702
Choose friends who are older. To be blunt, I don't give s crap if you have a mansion or a studio; if you invite me over I will respect your stuff, bring a gift and be genuine with you. Anyone who can't do that is not worth your time. I take it as a warm hearted thing that you would open your home to others and I think that you need to be careful. As the others said, be selective and invite the genuinely nice people. Also, someone who isn't really really poor would be a better option. Anyone who takes care of their clothes, buys items that can cost a bit, and is invested emotionally and financially into their future is a good person for you. As in, they don't just accept handouts. I wish you Luck. And damn do I wish you were from NY. We could use more genuine souls around. But again please don't reveal it to the wrong people. It hurts when people use you for your money, even friends. I know personally.

>>8671329
Pic?

>>8672826
You sound like a really cool person. I would love to be your friend. I don't want anything from my friends. Just genuine interaction. And it's also nice to know that you understand what it's like to feel used in a friendship. I'm tired of picking up the bill everywhere. I just want to pay for my half and that's it.

>>8672702
Choose friends who are older. To be blunt, I don't give s crap if you have a mansion or a studio; if you invite me over I will respect your stuff, bring a gift and be genuine with you. Anyone who can't do that is not worth your time. I take it as a warm hearted thing that you would open your home to others and I think that you need to be careful. As the others said, be selective and invite the genuinely nice people. Also, someone who isn't really really poor would be a better option. Anyone who takes care of their clothes, buys items that can cost a bit, and is invested emotionally and financially into their future is a good person for you. As in, they don't just accept handouts. I wish you Luck. And damn do I wish you were from NY. We could use more genuine souls around. But again please don't reveal it to the wrong people. It hurts when people use you for your money, even friends.
I know personally.

>>8676299
Sounds like your acquaitance had an inferiority complex.

>>8672902
You are me. You are definitely me. I drove everyone all the time. I payed for meals and meets because I felt bad for my buddies. I wasn't born into a large amount of money but fairly decent upper middle class. Now I work a good job and I found myself cycling back into old habits. I hated to admit that I was the problem. I should just say no and let them starve if they have to. After all, you can't truly be starving in an angelic pretty limited release dress. I hope you find the right people for you. As the others have said too, damn I wish I was your friend. You seem so sweet that it makes me wish I didn't become bitter from many of the people who have used me. Hang in there anon!

>>8676101
I know this feel, but at the same time there's always the chance that at least one of them isn't just trying on a new label or there is someone legitimately in the closet and watching these girls whilst wishing they too were 'out', and so for the sake of these just put up with the more obviously fake bitches.

>>8675765
this is all really good advice, but i guess i should probably specify that i don't live in the u.s., so most of these things you mentioned don't work for me (we don't have circuses, amusement parks--they're seasonal--hay rides, caroling, much less skating [the only ice skating we can do is at a very expensive ice rink stadium, which wouldn't be such a bad place to host a meet, but there's not much to do there outside of skating; iirc they don't even have a café area]). still, they do give me some ideas & there are quirky shops, cafés, and museums we could go to.

we have some really nice parks for picnics, too. i just worry since our climate is humid & hot, so the ideal meet-up would be indoors.

>>8671972
Are you in China, or it was the Chinese lolitas made a new comm just for Chinese lolitas?

Jesus Christ, I guess it's just such a foreign concept to how I've been raised that I just couldn't comprehend it being an actual problem.

>>8675331
>I've had to pay an extra $10 to $30 at meets to cover other people, and everyone always looks to me to do this so that we don't get in trouble with the restaurant
Please don't ever let anyone do this to you again. Let them handle the repercussions. You aren't their mom, and they can look like an idiot for expecting you to pay. Doesn't matter if they think you're a bitch for it, they're awful, and they should feel awful. I could understand a close friend asking or something, but even then you have the right to tell them no. Leave their stupid asses behind to get publicly humiliated when the restaurant kicks them out or bans them or they have to call someone to bring them money, and everyone will be super embarrassed - won't ever happen to you or anyone else in the comm again, I bet.

>>8675735
>I do know I am to blame
Absolutely not! Don't ever think that. You were being kind, and anyone that takes advantage of that is an asshole. You sound like a sweetheart, and being generous or sympathetic to people you think are friends is a valuable trait that you should never feel bad about. It's a reflection of them that they would treat you that way. I hope you can still learn from this though considering all the other anons' advice because you definitely shouldn't let people do that to you.

Anyways, sorry for that rant, but I'm almost personally offended that someone would treat you guys that way. I'm probably from the same background of a lot of people taking advantage of you, and it just pisses me off that they would do that.

Throwaway above!

>>8676541
>>8676043
Goddamnit, I just saw this. It should be on the host to keep track of this, honestly. I know other people suggest it, but it should be a responsibility for running a meet. If they won't, and you have the option, just go for a separate bill entirely.

>>8676536
I feel like it's NYC? They have an abundance of international students

>>8676536
>>8676562
it has to be NYC, the "secret Chinese comm" is practically a running joke

>>8676536

Sounds like Sydney to me. Melbourne has a Chinese comm too.

>>8676541
Hello again, I just want to confirm to keep track but are you >>8675045? I'll send you an email soon, thank you for leaving it for me. If anyone else who replied to me would also like to talk sometime, I can post my extra email address here too. I would really enjoy talking more with such understanding and kind people if anyone else would like to. (But if not it's okay.) You all have really made me feel a lot more hopeful that there are genuine and understanding individuals out there.

Thank you again everyone who has replied to me so far, it really means a lot to me hearing what you think. I will reply individually soon.

>>8670678
I'm going! Tickets are so cheap this year!

How is the south FL comm? I've been dressing lolita to a few cons but have been a little nervous to join. I'm not sure I want to join a community just yet I'm not confident in my coords just yet and I don't like drama.

I used to be the doormat type but years of people taking advantage of me and not genuinely being my friend when I really needed one has made me put my foot down.
I work way too hard for my pittance wages to ever pay for someone else who constantly "forgets" to bring money ever again.
I'm happy to help out people who have been genuine friends to me though.

>>8676738
Yes, I'm the same anon from both of those posts! I'll keep a look out for you.

>>8676112
Pansexual is not a thing that exists.
It's called bisexual.

Fight me.

>>8676738
Post your spare email, anon! You can never have too many pen pals.

>>8675985
>>8676271
Lol Seconding AZ comm.

I love our new drama free atmosphere

>>8676101
Demisexual is just not wanting to be intimate with someone unless you form some kind of bond with them. It's nothing to write home about or come out about. Unless maybe if you're with a bunch of other girls and some guy is being all flirty with them and you're kind of put off, like ehhh no thanks I don't know you. I'm married and demisexual but it never comes up in conversation, and I don't feel it's worth mentioning.

If people are claiming that to get attention and asspats, that's pretty silly.

>>8676787
Who was complaining about drama all the time? Maybe it's because I dont get to go to many meetups but the only complaining of drama i ever heard of was anonymous bitching and complainin here. But it is nice that who ever it was seems yo have gotten over it.

>>8676783
I think Bisexual only operates within the gender binary, though. If you think that gender is fluid and that multiple forms of expression exist outside of "male" and "female," then I think pansexual might be more appropriate if you're attracted to a range of genders/gender expressions.

Not a fight, just a light chuff on the shoulder to test waters.

>>8676808
Shit meant to reply to >>8676788

>>8676808
Divina, specifically, but also Dominique and Kat. The holy triad of shittalkers. Kat's still in the comm but I'm convinced it's only to keep an eye out for any drama to report back to the other two.

>>8675331
>>8676043
And this shit is why I refuse to go anywhere that doesn't allow split checks.

>>8676259
That makes sense. I also was raised the majority of my life by my grandparents

>>8676797
Doesn't that mean anyone who wants a relationship/doesn't have one night stands is demisexual? That would have been considered the norm a while ago.

>>8676809
look at it this way:

Heterosexual: attracted to those not of your sex
Homosexual: attracted to those of your sex
Bisexual: attracted to those who are part of and not part of your sex

it is still a binary, but no more than "homosexual" or "heterosexual" is.

>>8676929
that is the norm for a lot of people.

>>8676935
It seems weird to give it a title, as in you would tell people you're demisexual. I guess everything needs a name now.

>>8676938
Demisexual is such bullshit tbh. Sexuality is supposed to be about which sex you're attracted to, not if you feel sexual attraction after being close with them. I don't deny the experience but that doesn't make it it's own sexuality.

>>8676797
Demisexual is the most ridiculous thing, it's a description of how many adults and pre-sexual teens are (aka those who are just not ready for sex despite what media tells them), not a sexuality. Sexuality describes the basic gender requirements for your sexual or romantic interest in someone to happen, it's not supposed to be this absurdly nuanced.

I'm sorry, it's seriously just a stupid term that people have latched onto so they can describe themselves with labels on their tumblr profile. Or use to talk as if they have some authority or experience being LGBTQ. They usually don't and are just hetero chicks grasping for specialness.

Anyone in Portland planning on going to the AP 5 year anniversary meet? I think it would be interesting to go

>>8676809
So you think bisexuals are just naturally transphobic and will reject anyone outside the binary? Tim you disappoint me, you need to take your name off when you make these trashy replies.

>>8676931
This anon has it right and this is the most widely accepted definition within the bi community.

>>8676959
seriously. demisexuality isn't a fucking real sexuality, rather it's more like a CONDITION of your attraction. same thing when people say they're asexual but heteromantic. if that's the case then the asexuality isn't necessarily your sexuality but rather a condition of your attraction, unless you are flat out asexual and have no attraction to people whatsoever.

let's also not forget demisexuality is a term litterally made up by like a 14 year old on a roleplaying website

>>8676929
It's a bit different. You just have absolutely no sexual or romantic attraction until you've formed a meaningful bond with someone. It's different than having a relationship and not being someone who sleeps around. It's more a difference in how a relationship sparks and develops.

Someone might be sexually attracted to a stranger, or a co-worker, or classmate that they don't know or barely know. "I have the hots for so and so." Someone who is demisexual would feel no sexual or romantic attraction at all, as if they were asexual. Except when there is a strong bond between them, then those feelings of attraction may surface out of nowhere to someone they had no sexual or romantic attraction to. On the other hand, it would be possible to find someone cute or think they look attractive, but it's a passing thought. Not something you would pursue just from that.

The act of a stranger hitting on you or flirting can be extremely off-putting whereas for someone else they may be more willing to reciprocate because they find them attractive or hey it might be fun for a minute. You really just want nothing to do with sex, romance or attraction unless it's someone you feel that bond toward. Then and only then, you're all about it.

The idea of dating and playing the field, or online dating and just meeting people to eventually find someone to enter into a committed relationship feels wrong and awkward. If someone set me up on a blind date, I'd be pretty damn pissed.

But all that said, it's not really all that different from how other people who are more romantically or sexually inclined date and go about relationships. So I don't feel like it's all that special. I didn't even know there was a label for it until tumblr. I just thought I pursued relationships a bit differently than other people I knew. I personally think people can be a little too label happy, for what it's worth.

>>8676977
Still not a sexuality. Just a way that many people are.

>>8676931
That makes sense too. I guess I saw pansexual as sort of a "catchall" term whereas bisexual, regardless of what your specific binary is, is limited to exactly that- a binary (girl/guy, same sex/different sex, etc.)

>>8676973
Um not at all but if you wanna scream at me about it, go right ahead?

>>8676987
Then maybe take your stupid sexuality questions and assumptions to /lgbt/ or tumblr instead of /cgl/? Seriously if you took five minutes to talk to any of your bi friends you would learn how wrong you are. Do you not have bi friends? I guess it's not a shock that you don't if you honestly think bisexuality means a bi person has some sort of arbitrary personal binary they adhere to.

>>8676984
I don't agree that is a sexuality though. It's just a different manner at which someone pursues a relationship or happens to feel attraction. I never stated that? I've stated repeatedly that I think the title as a sexuality seems a bit silly, as if it's something that exists solely so that anyone can feel special and different in a world of "evil cishets".

>>8676977
> You just have absolutely no sexual or romantic attraction until you've formed a meaningful bond with someone.

This isn't a fucking sexuality then, it's not saying who you're attracted to, it's saying how. It's secondary to being bisexual or homoromantic or straight or whatever.

>>8677005
Yeah, I was responding to >>8676929 's question regarding the differences in how one pursues a relationship from someone who just doesn't sleep around. I'm not debating whether or not it's a valid sexuality.

>>8677001
My point is that a lot of people are like that and whenever "demi" people hear that, they launch into this lengthy explanation - like you did - about how no no it's totally this unique thing and not common but. No. It's very common. I'm that way. My girlfriend is that way. My mom is that way. Just talk to more people outside of college and you'll likely bump into a ton of people - especially in the socially awkward nerd communities - that operate in exactly the same way.

>I just thought I pursued relationships a bit differently
This is exactly all it is. No label needed; there are tons of people like us.

>>8676815
I haven't heard much from any of those three, which is nice. An occasional Batty pic from CoF (and there was a thread a while back where Divina was throwing a fit about being called Batty's lackey) but nothing else. I would like to think they're quiet because they all moved on.

>>8676299
>>8676172
>>8676107
>>8676027
>>8676005
>>8676023
The thing is she has a fetish for being called mom. She also spoke about wanting to wear her ''taobao jsk'' in the bedroom. She obviously fetishies lolita.
She even talked about one day wanting to see her partner wear panties so shes also a sissy fetishist maybe?
If you found out a member of your comm was a creep you would want them out too.
>>8676044
Swedish.

>>8677286
So why do you care so much again? How old are you? I don't understand how a person who is supposedly 18+ could be this petty and into someone's private business.

>>8676613

Never mind that half of them are Chinese Mafia bosses' daughters.

>>8676987
Pansexual is what some bisexual people started calling themselves when they thought "bi" was becoming synonymous with drunk sorority girls. It's kind of snobby, biphobic and special snowflake, tbh.

>>8676787
Here you go anon. I'm sorry it's such a silly one, I couldn't think of anything else. I am actually pretty excited about having some lolita pen pals now. Thank you!

>>8676765
Great thank you, I will message you soon, here is mine in case you would like to first. I look forward to talking with you!

No one gives a fuck about your sexuality bullshit. Go back to tumblr. Where's the comm discussion gone?

i feel like someone in my comm has a vendetta against me. ive selfposted before and had someone attack me, ive also been recognized by my wardrobe. tons of people in my comm post on cgl yet I've been one of the few to have an instance of "gotcha! thrown at me it seems. i feel like its just someone trying to troll me but it still makes me anxious about the comm sometimes especially since I've been called a topic of discussion though i dont see why i would be. i know people can just be bitches via anonymity but i'm honestly a little scared i have aspergers or autism or something andi I'm doing something wrong without even noticing it.

>>8677286
People having sex in their dresses doesn't necessarily mean they fetishize lolita and that's what they're there for. If they're not creeping on others and just have weird fetishes I don't really understand the issue.

>>8676972
I'm planning on going with a few friends that are also in the comm!

>>8676536
>>8676562
>>8676613
This anon got it: >>8676630

>>8672703
Yeah, you also kick people out without giving them any notice.

New thread >>8678629

>>8677010
But if they don't use a special label, how else will people know they're not-a-slut-sexual?

>>8676931
Many bisexual people I interact with, myself included, use the term to represent that we are attracted to more than just the "opposite" sex. I like men, women and trans male people. Other people prefer pansexual. It really depends on what works for you as a person. What word you feel defines you.