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Cheapskate Thread

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The last one of these was absolutely hilarious.

So, /biz/ what little things do you do to save money and extend your dollar?

For example, I bury my shit in the yard instead of wasting money on a toilet.
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I save up my cum and drink it as a cheap protein drink.
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I go to country festivals dressed in army attire because all the white trash idiots there buys me free drinks since they think I served, which I don't. No fucking way I'll be spending $10 for a fucking beer in your regular shit nightclub.
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>>963714

Do you ever encounter some hick screaming, "STOLUN VALUR!!!11!!!"

If so, how do you deal with the situation when you are called out for not actually being part of SEAL Team Six.
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>>963715
>Do you ever encounter some hick screaming, "STOLUN VALUR!!!11!!!"
nah just read up on some military jargon and make up some bullshit story of how you did 2 tours in Afghanistan. Never been called out. If I do I'll just gfto and plan some new scheme. Until then, free beers for me.
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>>963720

I wonder how many people would take your at face value if you said you served in the Task Force 141 with Captain Price.
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I discovered that my local pizza place does not throw out whole pizzas that nobody claimed, the hard way
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I painstakingly pour off-brand juices and liquors into name-brand bottles.

I eat exclusively at CiCis Pizza.

I squirrel away recyclable metals from my work for the pittance I get from redeeming them (after begging a ride from a coworker naturally).
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>>963734

Wait, don't you have to buy the name brand bottles anyways? Or do you scavenge like a resourceful hobo?
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I spit out men's semen into a bottle and use it as lube later when sucking penises to save on the pricey cost of lube.
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So do any of you have good tips on how a young man like me can save an extra $50 a month without having to spread my anus anymore than I already do?
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>>963747
Dude, I found a way to not spend any money on lube. You just freeze a bunch of ice cubes and pop one in your mouth before giving a bj. The water melts slowly and you get nice lubricant from it
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>>963753
water is a terrible lubricant, semen is much better
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>>963747
spit is free anon

you should drink it for extra protein >>963711
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>>963763

What about melted plastic and fecal matter?
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>>963721

>inb4 he says this to Captain Price
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>>963710
>drive without headlights to save money on electricity
>find a local apple orchard and reap one apple per day. Once you have a good and plenty amount, core the apples and dispose of the meat. Use the seeds for cynanide production to save money on poison
>find a friend with a Netflix account. Kidnap him/her and hold for ransom
>take the stairs to save money on elevator tolls
>dip chicken in koolaid to get free black people
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I don't shit in the shower so I don't have to use toilet paper or try to shit in targets everyday
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>>963710
>For example, I bury my shit in the yard instead of wasting money on a toilet.
I know a guy with schizophrenia who does that.
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never get haircuts = $15 x 20
never use shampoo or conditioner $ xxxxxxxx

take laundry to mom and use her machine instead of paying to use a public one

pay good value takeaway.

shop on bargains

reasherch and shop for best price.
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This thread is a joke, but I'll give you a real one that I do:

- I have had minimum insurance coverage on my car for ten years now. I pay $350 a year for all my car insurance. And I drive a 300hp car.

Full coverage is for faggots.
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when ever you go to store or business bathroom, take a roll of toilet paper home in your bag.
You can get free chocolate milk at starbucks if you bring your own cup. Use the milk/cream pitchers and unscrew the choclote flakes shaker.
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Listen to radio for free music
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>>963720
damn anon I hope you realize you are a piece of shit
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>>963710
I remove the grate from my shower drain and shit down there

Saves the 4L used in a toilet while cleaning myself and also no need for toilet paper
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>>963714
>unironically being a piece of shit
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>>964402
Fuck off, military kek. If redneck retards want to buy drinks for someone shooting impoverished brown people let them
>>964443
Military keks still getting btfo. Go fap to American sniper and pour that anon another drink
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>>963710
P O O I N T H E L O O
O
O

I
N

T
H
E

L
O
O
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>eat joylent/soylent
I get all the nutrients, vitamins, proteins and calories I need for around 150USD a month max. I do eat normal food around 1-2 times a day, which includes mostly cereal and fruit based things.
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>>964517
>implying killing dark people and sandniggers is bad

Kek
>>
>>963710
Wagekek
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>>964536
Unlikely. Plenty of nutrients block each other's absorption.
Magnesium blocks calcium, zinc blocks magnesium, iron blocks zinc, calcium blocks iron, magnesium blocks calcium... Anything that claims to be an all-in-one food is guaranteed to be a complete clusterfuck.
>>
Most of this advice is penny wise pound foolish. You save $3 on your groceries with a coupon? Neat. Why don't you move from your $750/month apartment into a $550/month apartment and save $2,400 annual instead. Do this for three years and boom you've saved enough for a down payment on a $150,000 house. I would know. Now your "rent" will be given back to you when you sell it in the future. Or not. Congrats on your $3.
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Free venison at my local park. The deer are used to humans so it's easy to go up to them and strangle them.

Free fish in the local angling pond

Steal potatoes from local farmers, and milk their cows. You can live off mashed potato.

Self identify as a woman and you get to sleep in women's domestic abuse shelters. If they question it, kick up a fuss and say you'll sue them for being transphobic.
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It wasn't a cheapskate thread, it was a frugal thread and it was gold. Anyhow, I'll share my sheckle stacking tips and the figures.

- TV/Internet: cancel your current plans. Get the cheapest internet only plan and watch free over the air channels. You can find anything else on the net. Most importantly make sure you own your network equipment to avoid rental fees.
$167/mo to $14.99/mo (flat including taxes and fees) = $152/mo savings

- Insurance: only have basic liability if the fair market value of your car is under 10K.
$124/mo to $52/mo = $72/mo savings

- Phone: cancel high priced cell plans. Buy a cheaper device cash and go through a discounted carrier that still has a solid network.
$115/mo to $62/mo = $53/mo savings

- Electricity: unplug all appliances when not in use, replace all light bulbs with CFL or LED and turn lights off when you leave a room. Never use A/C unless its unbearably hot outside.
$50/mo to $35/mo = $15/mo savings

- Heating/Gas: if you live in a home turn down your hot water heater. It uses more gas over the course of a year than a furnace does. Make sure you replace the furnace in your filter often. Keep the temp no higher than 68F in your house.
$50/mo to $35/mo (annual average) = $15/mo savings

- Food/Grocery: plan meals. Sit down and write out all of the ingredients for each meal including packing lunches if you work outside of your basement. Use coupons for things you buy often if they're avaliable.
$475/mo to $400/mo = $75/mo savings + $50/mo (since I'm not eating out at work) = $125/mo total savings.

I'm so cheap there's a ton more I just can't remember them all right now. About to buy a second house cash tho so I have no shame. muh sheckles.
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>>964815
>muh sheckles.
what's that?
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>>964716
I couldn't find a good source on anything you said.
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>>964836
he's right though
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>>964815
I'm almost certain you're Jewish or Chinese
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>>964041
>to save money on poison
kekkity kek
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>>964815
>$62/mo
I pay 8 euros a month for my phone and know plenty people who do that. Do you really think 60/month is cheap?
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>>963721
>Task Force 141 with Captain Price
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>>964789
>Free venison at my local park. The deer are used to humans so it's easy to go up to them and strangle them.
what in the world
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>>964815

64f is healthier
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>>964731

>implying you can't do both

However, your point is valid.
I know plenty of people who complain about being poor, but they're 30 and they never bought a house.
I'm 21 and just bought.

By the time I'm 30 I'll have spent less than they have on rent, and I'll have a house to show for it.
From then on it's an enormous saving (housing makes up well over 50% of my expenses)

>m-muh 1%
>t-the system is set up so you can't win man! you'll be poor forever
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>>964815
>buying a house with cash only

It's like you want to be poor
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>>963747
So that's how Charlie Sheen got AIDS
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>>964998

this

Especially with the way interest rates are right now.

I just got a 20 years 100% LTV mortgage at 1.8% fixed rate.

Shit's crazy.
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>>963714
Its all well and good until you show up at a nightclub and some guys from the nearby base are there waiting to educate you that youre not supposed to wear your uniform to nightclubs or bars. And then they discover you're not actually a servicemember and using your uniform for financial gain and you end up in jail or paying a fine because it's actually illegal.

Play it safe and go to daytime restaurants if you're wearing camo, or more elegant restaurants if you're wearing the dress uniform. Know and adhere to the uniform standards and you probably won't raise any eyebrows. And yes, that means no full beard, look decently fit, and have ribbons/patches that actually make sense.
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>>964517
>becoming another YouTube video where your ass is beat
>muh free drinks
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>>963751

Spend $50 dollars less on stuff each month
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>>964884
You don't know phones in America my friend
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>>964815
>>964834
I think he meant to say "shingles" like the roof. The literal translation is saying "my house" but it's slang in English for like saying "look what I have" in reference to the house, kind of like bragging on it.
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>>965136
$58 with AT&T gets me 3 gigabytes of 4G LTE data each month and unlimited talk/text. And I'm in the US. 63 is kind of an overshot. All you need is 1GB if you're in a check-to-check situation.
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>>965169
No, much sheckles is an antisemitic meme that roughly translates to "my wealth" or "my riches"

Sheckles was an ancient Hebrew currency.
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>>964815
>$115/mo

Literally who the fuck is paying this much for cell phone coverage? Does it come with free blowjobs too? I get full cellphone coverage for $38
>>
I recycle toilet paper. I genuinely do.
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>>965323
Holy shit you're literally retarded
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femanon here. 4 years ago i bought reusable pads, never had to buy period pads again.
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>>965323
Shekels are also the current Israeli currency.
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>>965549
You're too good for napkins from restaurants?
>>
Here's a tip:

If you don't have any friends you can avoid the costs of eating out, drinks at bars, sports tickets, etc. Just play free online games every night!
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>>965655
those wont be absorbant enough
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>>965658
>everyone on 4chan is so financially savvy that they already do this AND live with their parents to avoid paying rent/utilities/groceries/etc.
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>>964834
>>965169
>>965323
>>965648
>mfw

>>964848
No. It would make things easier if I was.

>>964884
>>965340
This is for two lines and compared to what I was paying, yes. All the cheaper alternatives are utter garbage unless you want constant dropped calls, missed texts, calls that go straight to voicemail without your phone even ringing etc. Believe me, I've tried.

>>964900
How so?

>>964998
>>965019
I know. It's complicated. There's a strategic bankruptcy in there.. so, yeah. Financing wasn't an option. I'm making money elsewhere to balance it out.

>>965658
>look mommy i fit in now!
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>>964982
Buying a decent, but small condo is well within the reach of most 21 year olds

And it's cheaper than renting if you have good credit
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>>967149
I know so many fucking 30 year Olds who are purpetually renting for 8 or 900 per month then an identical condo is 80k to buy, and was fucking 45k when they started renting 8 years ago.

I'm not going to do the math for you, but the mortgage on 45k is less than half of you faggots spend on dirty panties.
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>>964402
Daily reminder that Jody is six inches deep in your girl.
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Save money by giving yourself water enemas in toilets for the disabled.
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If you are 15 (no matter which sex), become a camwhore. There are lot of pedophiles that use those sites, so the owners are very lenient, as long as you tell them that you are 18 and show some passable fake ID.
You can easily build a costumer base, and with a modicum of work, you can be making $200K/year, without having to expose yourself to the risks of prostitution.
You should have at least $500K when you turn 18, which is more than enough to give you a huge headstart.

Jew mode: Do videocalls with your clients, tape them, and then blackmail the shit out of them for quadruple money.
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This might be a bit too Jewish even for /biz/ standards but I'll share it anyway. I wake up 20 minutes earlier in the morning and hit up the complimentary breakfast at one of the dozens of hotels around the office before going in to work. While my coworkers are spending $5 for a shitty gas station breakfast burrito, I eat a complete, comparatively healthy breakfast and usually snag an orange or bagel to compliment lunch. Shit's saved me hundreds of dollars and it's barely an inconvenience. Some tips:

- It's more effective in bigger towns/mid-sized cities. More hotels=more places to hit.
- Look decent. If you look like a respectable guest, the staff will never question you. Alternatively, if you look like a fucking hobo, they'll probably kick you out.
- Walk in like you own the place, greet the people at the front desk if you make eye contact, be friendly. However, it is preferable to minimize contact with the staff if you can.
- Use mid-tier hotels. Economy bullshit like Red Roof Inn, Econo Lodge, etc. is a waste of time. Upper tier hotels are more uptight and generally don't have complimentary breakfast anyway.
- Don't go to the same hotel all the time. Two weeks between visits is plenty of time for unmotivated hospitality workers to forget a face.
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>>963714
I hope this is as ironical as OP's post.
>>
put all your checkings into your savings the day interest is calculated to get maximum money from the banks

>i do this every month
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>>968178
I just have a bowl of cereal at home, much less time wasted than taking a detour to some random hotels

though for lunch I steal food from the confrence rooms in the office, we have a whole suite of them where account managers host client meetings, executives meet to discuss pointless things that could have been sorted over e-mail etc... so every day the admin girls have a bunch of trolleys out in the corridors or small kitchen nearby stacked high with sandwiches, pots of coffee, biscuits etc.. I just wait till it is clear, grab some napkins and take a few things from each trolley...

usually get the same again later on in the day before heading home too - then only need a light meal when I get home
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>>968178
that's not jewish at all, it's just really ballsy

but I'd rather just eat at home
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>>969515
on top of this the stationary cupboard is raided regularly, I take home teabags and coffee from the canteen - one of the copies of the financial times placed out in reception for clients to read is usually pocketed by me in the morning, as is the economist. I've somehow acquired two old computer monitors and a dell workstation that didn't get moved after someone left the company.

When I moved flat there was a gap of a week between vacating my old place and moving into the new place - I stored a bunch of stuff in one of the storage cupboards at work - spent a few nights at a friends house but also spent several sleeping on a couch in the office and using the shower in the small gym we have... plus stealing extra food from the conference rooms.
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>Pay for my insurance premiums up front instead of on a monthly basis.
>Partake in a lot of cheap (or free) educational activities for my entertainment (learning languages on Duolingo, reading at the library).
>Also partake in cheap outdoor activities that have very minimal on going costs (bicycling which is pretty much free after buying the bike, recreational street hockey which is free after buying the equipment, etc.).
>Bring my own lunches to work instead buying their cafeteria crap or some fast food crap (exceptions when the team is going out to lunch or something).
>Refill water bottles with water at work.
>Buy a lot of store brand items.
>>
Get a survey in the mail containing a 1$ bill as a gift.

Take survey, opt-in for next one.

Next one comes in, 5$ bill as gift for participating

Opt-in for next survey

10$ bill sent with a survey booklet

>LADS, I'M ON TO SOMETHING
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>>969736
Your seventh survey will contain a $1k bill!
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>>964815
These are pretty good as a whole. I can't rely on smaller networks for coverage on a cell phone carrier though due to living in a rural area. Also limits my choice in internet provider.. :/
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