>Last year I posted about my relationship with my wife deteriorating due to her neglecting our 6 year old daughter. >Wife went psycho when I told her I wanted a divorce >Cops were called. >Last post I updated /b/ on was the start of the trial.
You guys honestly helped me and my little Allie so much. It was the advice I got from /b/ that led me to make the decision to leave my wife. It was the best choice I ever made, and I am grateful. You guys asked for the recap and updates but then the thread 404'd before I could post so here it is.
>A while back I met my ex wife. We really hit it off, and she was a really cool woman. She was witty, intelligent, and motivated. >We got together, we dated for a while, and then we got married and had a daughter. >Things started off great, though there were some warning signs. >She adored Allie, our daughter, but wanted her to be... well, convenient. She huffed and puffed and bitched for hours if she had to get up in the middle of the night to feed her, she stopped breast feeding earlier than I was comfortable with but I figured, hey, not my body so not my decision. >Allie grew up to be quite a special little girl. >Her and I formed a very close bond. >Allie likes to cook, and from the age of 3 she has been consistently helping me in the kitchen almost daily. We bake together, we cook breakfast lunch and dinner together, we almost never eat take out. She is now 7 years old and is a better cook than most adults. I've recently started letting her handle knives under my close supervision and she's doing great. Very responsible with them. >She likes art and music, and she's able to talk articulately about these subjects. >She's really intelligent and likes to read. Her vocabulary is breathtaking, and she can articulate sentences with perfect grammar better than much older kids.
>She loves learning new things. She got into gardening, and she's always so full of questions. Here's where I started getting a little unhappy with my ex wife. >My daughter always asked me questions, and if I didn't have an answer for her, I'd research it with her on my phone and we'd learn together. We learned about anything she was curious about - hence her extensive knowledge and understanding of the science behind farts and poop and butts. >It doesn't matter if she wants to know something silly, who cares? If she's expanding her horizons then it can't be bad for her. >I wanted to start getting her to learn a second language since it's easier to learn at that age. >My ex, while we were still together, started getting really bitchy about it. She said I pushed Allie too hard, made Allie do this and that, and complained that Allie was a loner. >The thing is, I never forced her to learn - she ENJOYS it. She wants to be able to speak other languages. She is fascinated by other cultures. >Allie is an introverted child, this is true, she doesn't have a lot of friends and doesn't socialize much, but that's not really a bad thing - she would rather spend recess reading. She's not incapable of socializing, she just needs to form some trust with someone before she sees them as a friend. The kids in Allie's class adore her, they give her lots of attention and they always want to be around her. It's actually really funny, the other girls will play games and stuff AROUND Allie so they can be close to her, it's hilarious to watch. >Really problems with my ex started with her parents though.
>>736576551 >Her parents are abusive. They abused her, and whenever they babysit Allie they'd get drunk around her, they "disciplined" her by slapping her, they scream in her face, and one time her dad spit on Allie. My ex told me it wasn't a big deal and defended her parents, and that pissed me off. I told her parents they weren't welcome in my home, but often times my ex would pick Allie up from daycare and drop her off with her parents, without my consent. >I felt like this was really wrong, it's my child and I think her parents are bad. >So we fought about that a lot. And that triggered a lot of thoughts about wanting to leave her. >But what really made me start to think, and what really brought me here looking for advice, is when I looked back at Allie and my ex, I found that they didn't have any kind of relationship. Allie never went to her mother for anything. If she was upset, she held it in until I was alone with her. If she wanted attention she called for me. If she wanted to be held she'd come to me. On Christmas morning she'd call for me to wake up. Not my ex. Me. >I started to ask myself why. >Every time Allie wanted my ex's attention, she dismissed her or told her to be quiet or "later" or just ignored her. If Allie wanted something, my Ex was always too busy. My ex never made time for Allie. She never showed any interest in the things Allie cared about, and always told Allie she should just watch TV or something. >We have this thing that I came up with, which is called share time, and basically the idea is to talk about our feelings and stuff. The gimmick is no matter what Allie says, we won't give her trouble. If she admits to something bad, rather than punish her we talk to her about what kind of effect her actions have. >My ex refused to participate. So Allie never shared her feelings with her mother. >It got to the point where she would tell me she loved me all the time, but could go weeks without telling my ex.
>with /b/'s advice I tried talking to my ex about taking more of an interest. She said she would but put zero effort into it and never did anything. So we started fighting a lot. >Our constant fighting was getting worse and worse. I tried to make sure Allie never saw us fighting, but my Wife would berate me in front of her, which set me off. >Fed up, I turned to /b/ again. >Finally I told her I think we should consider splitting up, since it was obvious things were not going to work out. >After we broke up, I took to sleeping on the couch while I waited for an apartment, because she wanted to keep the house. >I woke up one night to my ex trying to kidnap Allie. Allie was crying and screaming for me, so I separated them, and that is when my ex viciously assaulted me in front of Allie, scaring her. I kicked her out, called the police, and the Police basically said to file a report and let her go to her parents. >The cops actually handled things pretty well, I was happy. They said Allie should stay with me so that was awesome. >After that, I began divorce proceedings and custody proceedings. I was busy trying to sort out the divorce, so the stress of the divorce, plus my presence lessening, plus her mother leaving her all took their toll on Allie. She started acting out, misbehaving, doing crappy stuff. She freaked out at my brother's place during a sleep over for example, and had a temper tantrum (and usually she's so well behaved, seriously, before that, it had literally been years since she had a tantrum). It was the worst I'd ever seen Allie act.
>Concerned, I took her to see a child psychologist, who confirmed that she was scared of being away from me and scared of her mommy coming to hurt daddy and steal her. >She started having "accidents" at night and I was stressed as hell, so I started letting her sleep in my bed. >I know I shouldn't have, because even though it comforts her it's only a bandaid solution and it'll make things harder later on, but honestly it was comforting for me too. >I'd put her to bed in my room and work on my laptop in the bedroom so that she would know I was close, and when it was time for me to sleep I'd wrap my arms around her and sleep like a brick - no worries, no fears, no nightmares. >Last time I updated /b/ was around last winter, when the preliminary hearings decided that, based on evidence of abuse from my ex's parents (where she was staying) and the fact that she assaulted me, Allie would live with me until the custody battle was officially settled.
Now for the updates
>My lawyer assured me the custody battle was in the bag because of the abuse Allie suffered from her grandparents. >It was actually a tough battle though. >The court was hesitant to separate mother from child. >I had to show the courts reports from Allie's therapists, which showed that Allie benefited from being in my custody and that separating Allie from me would have devastating consequences. >Outside of the courtroom I ended up striking a bargain with my Ex. I told her she could have the house and have visitation rights under my supervision if she let me have full custody. >The house was in my name. >She accepted the deal, and I let her have the house. >Actually it was funny, she got the house.... which means she now has to finish paying the mortgage. >Allie and I moved into a two bedroom apartment. >I was hoping to try and buy a house but I decided that an apartment was fine. It fit our lifestyles. >Allie and I are now closer than ever.
>>736577065 >I've changed a lot since then. >Her mother did do some things for her, so I've filled those roles up nicely. >Allie was really into hair styling stuff, so I decided to grow my hair out. >It's too hot for long hair but when Allie happily spends hours braiding or styling it I can't complain. >She's stopped having accidents, she's started sleeping alone again, and she's acting her usual happy self. >Today, after school ended, we went to the park and we played for an hour, then I took her to her spanish tutor, and let her talk to my cousin's spanish husband afterwards to practice, then we cooked dinner together, and made a peanutbutter pie to share with the people next door. >After that we cuddled on the couch and read a book together and afterwards I gave her a bath, and held her until she fell asleep, where I then put her to bed. >It's been a while, and I was thinking about dating, but why? >I lost my house and my wife and I still have everything I could ever want. I've never felt happier or more fulfilled. Nothing needs to change for now.
>>736577557 Allie is now 7 years old, she can speak Spanish and French, she loves gardening (we visit my brother's house often to garden), and we read together quite a bit. She grows more intelligent with each passing day.
I wish my divorce had gone the way yours did. It broke my heart in the worst way when my daughter was allowed to stay with her mom.
I was the one rocking her at night when she couldn't sleep. I made her breakfast and changed her diapers. I gave her the baths. Even though I'm a guy, I basically had a maternal instinct once she was born.
The mom had an expensive lawyer bought by her parents. I had no money to fight.
I'm so glad that things worked out for you in the end. Honestly.
>>736577844 I was lucky man. Reddit advised me to seek counselling from all the divorce lawyers I could to prevent them from working for her, which ended up paying off as I got to shop around for a month and find the best guy in the state, plus even though I didn't have a ton of money, I made way more than she did. I'm sorry about how things went for you. Do you at least have partial custody, like weekends, or visitation rights?
Stories like yours really break my heart man. But when your girl is old enough, she'll know you're the parent she deserves and she'll form a bond with you.
>>736577886 Have you ever had coconut cream pie? Imagine that but with peanut butter and chocolate.
>>736578086 You guys were there for the major turns in this story, so I figured you guys deserve to know how it ends.
>>736577557 I can't really say for sure what you should do, but it's probably important for her to become more sociable and comfortable around others. Making friends and learning from them would go a long way for her when she's older.
and im surprised that something good actually came from /b/
I'm glad that things got better for you man. Oh and idk if dating is a good idea. My parents got a divorce when I was younger and my step mother (fathers wife) kind of caused more problems than anything else lol. Because of her, me and my father use to fight all the time and we would barely talk. It's better now and all that trouble was caused because of my immaturity...But yeah. That's just my oppinion hehe
>>736578287 Honestly, I feel like as long as she knows how to socialize without getting anxiety, it's ok if she likes a lot of personal/1 on 1 time. But you're right, I am trying to work on getting her to be more social-able.
>>736577557 Dude this is the most positive and badass thing I've read on here in awhile, im 19 and went through a similar situation when i was young but different because my father wasn't exactly in the right and abused my mother (not physically) but she had problems and couldn't take care of me and my siblings and my dad did a decent job with tons of saves from my grandfather.
Anyways if i ever have kids i hope i can be as good of a father as you are. Seems like you really try your hardest man.
Read the whole thing. I'm super happy for you. My best friend has a story super similar to yours and the lawyers are playing awful games. His soon-to-be ex-wife is nothing but a whore and a manipulator. Only sees their daughter as an object. Not motherly at all. And her parents are liberal nutjobs that treat his one year old daughter like a prisoner. I have kids of my own and that really puts things into perspective when you hear about other people's battles. It's nice to hear a man come out on top. Hat's off to you, brother. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your daughter in the future. You're setting a great example for what she should look for in a man.
>>736578511 I won't make the same mistake twice, that's for sure. I won't bring someone home to Allie unless they'll be good for her. But I gotta say, there's a single mom at her school who is very cute. She's a hip young mom too.
>>736578643 I don't always do right, and I fuck up sometimes too, but yeah I always *try*. I don't know if I'm a good dad but I know that I want my little girl to be happy, and she is. It's been a tough two years, but when Allie sits nestled in my arms, looks in my eyes, and says "I love you daddy" I feel like I've done ok and it was all worth it.
>>736578863 That's something that my buddy said a while back. He said he thought about what kind of man he'd want his daughter to marry, and if she married someone just like him would he be happy or scared. So he's trying to change himself to be the best man he can be, and I am too. I'm striving to be someone she can be proud of.
>>736578912 I am struggling to learn french, I haven't attempted spanish yet. She's picked it up way quicker than I could dream to.
>>736577557 Dude. Like. I can only imagine what you went through by reading what you wrote (nice greentext by the way). Hope you'll do well with your little Allie, and I'd like to be such a good father as you. I don't know about the others /b/rothers, but shall you or your daughter face any problems and share 'em here, I'll do my best to help you.
Just a question tho : can we have a pic of said Allie ?
>>736579528 here. Oh and by the way, about the gf, my step-mother was a bitch. Still is. Be sure to be in a clear state of mind before searching for a gf, and that your goal is not, absolutely not, to find someone to hold on. Do it for your daughter, you wouldn't want to mess up after all that happened I guess.
>>736579130 Yes, everyone fucks up once in a while but as long as the underlying principle of all your actions is that you want your daughter to be happy, youre doing great. Being happy of course means that she can express what she really feels and wants without being punished but this is what you do anyway so there you go. Love you bro
>A few days ago Allie wanted to play with my hair. >She braided a couple of pigtails on me. >I realized I was out of supplies for what we wanted to make for dinner. >I had a god damn conundrum. >Do I ruin Allie's hard work to go to the store looking like an adult? >Or do I go and face the judgement? >I fucking went to that store and ROCKED those pigtails. >The cashier was this teenager who looked about 12. >She laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. >Zero fucks given.
>>736579528 I've never really felt comfortable posting pictures of her face on /b/, /b/ is a pretty scary place and I know what people can do with a picture. I don't know man I'll think about it.
>>736579729 Doing my best, man. I'm gonna have my nephews and niece over this weekend for a little weekend excursion to the farmer's market and then we're all going strawberry picking, it's gonna be awesome.
>>736579864 I hear you man, and I'll definitely think only of Allie when I'm looking for a partner. I mentioned it before but there's a mom at Allie's school who's pretty cute, she's a couple of years younger than me and she's got an adorable mom-body. Plus I know her son, he's a nice boy with good manners.
Ok I told you twice now that I love you and think you're doing great but here's one advice. I think you're handling all the emotions really well and I love how you let her explore what she likes and really encourage research (checking on your smartphone etc)
I really think it's a good idea to teach logic, maths and natural sciences at a young age. logic to understand how the mind works, maths to use the abstract understanding of the inner workings of the mind and natural sciences, especially physics for the realization how the two above serve the desire to understand the universe we live in. I can help you with this if you like. Just ask questions or state what creates doubt
>>736580332 She has a french teacher and a penpal from France she exchanges letters with (I posted to reddit about this idea and started talking with this nice couple who live there, they have a 5 year old boy and they wanted to get him to exchange letters with people because he has a speech impediment).
Yeah, I'll see about asking her out for coffee one day and just befriending her at first, just to feel her out a little. I'm getting back into shape so maybe I'll fool around with a tinder lady if the mood strikes me.
>>736580416 Allie doesn't enjoy math much, but it's hard for kids to get into it. I don't push too hard there, since she has plenty of other science and nature-related things she enjoys learning about. She loves science, it's her best class outside of the arts. We already talk a lot but I was thinking of doing some physics experiments with her for fun, have any recommendations?
As for logic, that and critical thinking are very important to me, I always try to teach her to think about things and work through problems using her head.
>>736580056 About the pic, it's completely understandable, /b/ can be a depraved place. It might still be safe though if you posted somewhere else you could take down a few minutes after and gave the link. That way, there would be very little risk. Again, if you don't feel comfortable about it that's completely fine.
>>736581116 I stripped the exif data afaik and used a pic taken by my brother when she was in a different city so I think this one should be ok, plus her face is really blurred. dammit, I wish I didn't use her real name here lmao.
>>736580923 I think it really depends how you introduce math to her. There is a relation between logics and math. See, the mind essentially follows four categories: quality, quantity, relation and modality. Every thought that one can have and hence all the possible understanding of the world is a combination of these operations. Examples using the categories: A quality of some table is that it's wooden. The quantity is that it's one. A relation is that it's bigger than some other table and the modality is that it -can- be cut into pieces -can't- be cut into infinitely small pieces and -must- have gravitational interaction.
Anyway. She is forced to do some maths in school anyway so you might as well make it as comfortable as possible. You probably need to try different approaches and it's hard to show what's fun about something if it's not fun for you. But you could try to start by thinking about what a number actually is and create some philosophy for why 1+1=2 makes sense. I can also do that for you if you want.
As for physics experiments... you don't really need to do any experiments. Just look at nature and the structures it offers. Some are more obvious than others. As a child, I found the stars and other planets to be really fascinating. It's probably a good idea to teach about what's filling up the universe.. the size of the universe, where it came from, what light is... how long the starlight needs to come here and what we can learn from a star's light... also interesting to look at the speed of light and why it's limited.. lots of stuff! As for experiments with "things on a table", I think it's more interesting to open and understand a machine. A cheap cell phone, a radio, whatever. Open it and discover how it works.
>>736581735 I really like the idea of opening up a machine and seeing how it works... There's a video of this guy I saw a long time ago who built an iphone from scratch with parts be bought off of Chinese tech parts marketplaces, so we could watch that together then maybe take apart my phone (I'm due to get a new one this month anyways) and see if we can re-assemble it.
>>736580923 >but it's hard for kids to get into it Yeah, getting kids interested in math is a challenge. The way we're taught to do math in school is really procedural, which is retarded because math is just logic. If you teach people to do math logically, the more complicated stuff is so much easier to learn.
My younger siblings are homeschooled and started using a series of math books called Life of Fred, and they seem to be doing a lot better with them. It might be worth looking into. It's way different than your usual math textbooks. Also, Khanacademy.org helped me a lot during high school, and my sister seems to really like it as well.
>>736581937 That sounds like a fantastic idea, thanks for the suggestions!
>>736582003 She is <3 she's my princess. She was being silly with her uncle and auntie that day I think, iirc.
I love her toothless grin, it always makes me smile lol. I remember when she lost that one front tooth, she was in the middle of eating dinner and she just stopped dead, her head snapped towards me, and she made a face, then she spit it out into her hands and held it up and went "LOOK DADDY I LOST ANOTHER ONE!"
>>736581935 please don't forget to tell her where we are and try to encourage thinking about why we are here. and the where is not only "earth". It's a planet in some sun system, in some place of a galaxy, in a universe consisting of billions of galaxies. and the planet we live on is the stardust of a gigantic star that exploded billions of years ago and got attracted by another sun that will explode some time in the future. I mean she likes cooking and painting, right? She is composing and mixing, creating new, delightful things. This is what the suns in our universe do. They cook the elements we are made out of by boiling the lightest elements, forming heavier ones.
Could also be interesting for her to realize what cooking essentially is. Temperature is equivalent to the average kinetic energy which is proportional to the velocity squared.. so by heating up stuff you essentially make the atoms move faster, dissolve some bonds and form others.
You can also investigate the physics of colours. With this, of course the biology of our eye/neurophysiology of our brain go hand in hand. But for the physics part: the colour you see is the mixture of wavelengths of the photons that are reflected by the substance. The substance absorbs all other wavelengths in the spectrum we see. etc. If she's fascinated by understanding these things, you can also show that math is just a tool, a gift from our mind, to understand things more precisely. There might be questions you cannot answer but most likely, these questions can be answered by a simple calculation.
>>736582560 I'm definitely gonna try and do this. I don't really believe in "this is too advanced". If she starts learning about it then she'll eventually understand it. There are things that kids a third my age can do that I can't because they learned and I didn't.
>>736582611 Nah, we never did the tooth fairy or easter bunny, but we did do the Santa thing. She figured it out the Christmas before though.
Another anecdote - I love to sing to her. I put her up on the counter and I was serenading her loudly and without any shame, and every time there was a pause in the song I'd lean in and kiss her.
I finished my great epic serenade, only to discover that I left the window open.
I live on the second floor.
People heard me.
I think I need to find a new building to live in.
>>736582711 She's fantastic, she's honestly so well behaved, and she's not really greedy or whiny. Sure sometimes I get the "I want that" or the "BUT DAAAAAAAAAAAADDY" but usually she's perfectly well behaved. Her teachers love her and can't stop talking about her. Her kindergarten teacher bumped into me at the supermarket a few months ago and said Allie was probably the best student she'd had in 5 years.
>>736583006 Please do. I'm telling you this because my daddy was really similar to you. My mum left at about the same age of your daughter. He didn't know many details but he did encourage me to think about stars, their light and the universe. He wasn't a physicist or mathematician but now I am, doing a PhD in theoretical particle physics... and I'm truly thankful for the opportunities he showed me within myself, my mind ... and I guess your daughter will be too.
>>736583553 That's a learning opportunity for her, is the best way to look at it. Also this whole story is great, Im glad to hear things went well. I think we all know times when this has happened and the court blindly sided with the mother, like it's the default.
I hope she grows up and gets a degree doing something she loves. She sounds smart enough that she could probably do a lot without you pushing. Good luck with everything from here on out. Cheers
>>736583945 Yeah, I was afraid my wife would get a lot of mother's sympathy, but when the judge saw the cuts and bruises on me from when she attacked me and when he read about the way her grandparents treated her, he was on team dad.
>>736583006 Don't be embarassed. You're a big boy now. Through your singing let the whole world know how much you love your daughter and put her as your primary interest rather than what people think. Keep on singing for her, keep on rocking pigtails, keep on giving her the unconditional love every kid should experience. This will give her far more happiness than being liked for following mainstream ideals such as temporal trends like looking a certain way or owning certain things. Provide inner strength. I really love seeing this. It somehow tells me that the world is not lost and there still are people actually mediating love and building the foundation necessary for a loving world.
Sometimes when I can't sleep at nights, I like to go into her room and just play with her hair, or hold her hand or her feet, and just listen to her breathing, and think about how much we've been through together. I feel just so much love for this girl, it's indescribable. I think anyone with a child understands though. I don't know what I would have done if we lost the custody battle. The very idea makes me shiver.
>>736584459 :) you're right my dude. Every day Allie's smile comes before everything else. and that will never change. I don't care if I look like a dork if it makes her laugh.
>>736584594 You know what hurts the most? Is that seeing how mature and beautiful and creative and intelligent Allie is, and then remembering that my ex who FOUGHT FOR CUSTODY and has visitation rights has only once come to see her.
How can you have a child and just... not care about him or her? How can she feel so little for Allie? How can she just not even visit, to the point where Allie doesn't even miss her?
it's just heartbreaking to see this woman give zero fucks. She doesn't even try.
>>736584689 Glad to see you drop in brother. /b/ has moments of beauty, that's why I still poke around after all these years. The edgelords are only the tip of the iceberg.
>>736584716 I wish, then my all-mighty ass wouldn't have to work out so much to stay in shape.
>>736584910 Yes, I see why this hurts. My mother was just like Allies mother. Since I'm seven, I've maybe seen her four or five times. I'm 26 now. During my teenage years, I was really sad about this, sometimes filled with hate for her... it wasn't easy to deal with. But at the age of 19/20 I came to the realization that she must somehow be troubled and it's not her "fault" that she's so wrong. She's been growing up in a wrong world, and never experienced the love my father gave me herself.. and many other things that caused her trouble. I'm here, with open arms, open to her coming around, wanting to reconnect but she just doesn't... and it's okay. I forgive. I'm loving and I'm thankful for the gift of life she has given me. All I hope now is that she can be happy, with or without me and I hope the same thing for every being on earth. My heart is unchained, hers isn't and it's sad to see someone, especially someone so "close" to your existence, so bounded. Sometimes it hurts, just as much as seeing the 800 million people starving. There's so much wrong in this world. We really need people like you who give a loving embrace and bite. You two really bring a tear to my eye.
>>736585496 One guy (I think it was the op) kept posting pictures of Uncle Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender drinking tea (which he did constantly) whenever he posted. Good thread, might have screencaps somewhere.
And, it seems self explanatory what's yours. I saved enough myself, such a nice story.
>>736585442 Wow, you've got one hell of a strong heart for forgiving her. I know how hard that is. But you should know that you don't have to. You don't have to wait for her. If she doesn't want to be there, there are plenty of people who do. Do you understand?
>>736585902 After all, forgiving her is better for me too. It's better to be open-minded and open-hearted. I don't just look at the world and think that I'm disappointed with how it is. I look at the world and really want to understand why it's the way it is. I don't rate it, it's a neutral, but curious gaze. And, although I understand quantum field theory and general relativity, I don't understand everything. And I don't quite understand why she's not coming despite my numerous offers and I don't wait for her, but I'm open to give and receive love. All I want is happiness.
Its really cool that you won custody and are a devoted dad. i do think the long hair braiding and a few other things youre doing are very feminine. maybe you should remember your daughter needs to grow up with her attractions being for a masculine man. youre a little bit sissy. you justify it by saying youre trying to help her develop but i wonder if its super overcompensating trying to play both roles. thats the same thing determined single moms do. they try to be dads to their sons. it doesnt work out in the long run. you should be teaching her theres a very different way for girls and boys to interact. what you are doing will lead to her being very touchy feely, almost "intimate"(nonsexually) with her guy friends. this will lead to her guy friends misunderstanding her and she will have a lot of troubled friendships because of your feminine approach to raising her. girls have to be taught that boys interpert things like cuddling, touching excessively, playing with their hair very very very very differently than her girl friends would and will. im not trying to twist what you do into somehting dirty. i dont think that at all. youre a good guy it seems but you cant be the feminine part of her life.
TLDR: get a girlfriend. let allie braid her hair. you be a man...unless you want her to marry a feminine man one day. you are imprinting upon her mind her ideal mate, someone like her father. so get a gf and let a woman take that feminine role off your hands. teach her to do things like change the oil in your car, repair a sink faucett, paint a bedroom, things like that. let women teach her how to be feminine.
>>736586673 I mean, a lot of things I don't really think of as gendered like that, but for example:
> teach her to do things like change the oil in your car, repair a sink faucett, paint a bedroom, things like that.
She does know how to use tools and she always helps me with making household and car repairs. Stuff like cooking and gardening I've never really thought of as feminine.
I don't really mind if Allie becomes a little more expressive, one of the benefits to her being introverted and having a certain process before she can trust someone is that I feel like she's going to grow up to be a good judge of character. There's plenty of strong women in her life that are like role models, but I'm glad you brought that up. She has a few teachers she really looks up to and she loves my sister in law.
Marrying a feminine guy though? Man, it doesn't bother me. If the person she marries makes her happy and treats her well then I'll be happy.
>>736586673 physics guy here. I do get your point and to some extent I agree but op should not live a stereotype of manliness. He should do whatever he feels is giving his daughter what she needs. I think it's a better idea to let his daughter braid his hair than simply saying "No, you can't do this because I'm a man." That's just stupid. But I agree that OP should explain to her how society currently deals with intimacy and it's also obviously interesting to let the girl know what the difference between a man and a woman is SCIENTIFICALLY
>>736587080 Its 2017. By the time she is old enough to marry try to imagine what a feminine husband will be like...I would hope youd think she deserves better than a cuckold. anyways, more importantly, that aside, i really think you need to teach her now about the boundaries between male and female interactions. my sister has alwasy been sweetly innocent and niave, a feminine girl that loves being feminine with her girl friend and her guy friends. she has had almost a dozen guy friends fall head over heels for her and she never felt a single romantic emotion towards them. to her they were friends, like her gf's, and she would cuddle with those boys during movies, make a fuss with fixing the collars of their shirts or help with their ties, and every last one of them took all that close girl-to-girl style contact as something she never meant for it to be. shes older now and shes the one that put this train of thought in my head by telling me just yesterday she finally understands that a girl cant treat a boy the same way they do other girls. i think that was very wise of her and im sharing that wisdom with you. allie will be spared a lot of headaches and heartaches if she learns the difference before shes old enough to cuddle with a guy friend at the theater.
>>736587130 Appreciate the sentiments man. And yeah she's learned about the anatomical differences already. I read this study done by some university that said that it's important to teach them that very early. So I did.
>>736587482 I was talking about this earlier, but she's not a particularly touchy child. With me she is, but all little kids are cuddly with trusted friends/figures. With other people she's not really super touchy.
She's mature enough to differentiate between different levels of relationships and I've always taught her to respect her own personal space and to respect others' personal space.
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