ATTENTION FELLOW AUTISTMS:
After lurking for 10 years, I can finally deliver something spicy.
I'm in a communications course where our final has to be a speech in the front of the class about any topic.
Here's the kicker: I'm sitting at about 98% in the class and it's going to be a powerpoint presentation.
I'm asking my buddy-friends (you) to come up with the most autistic, pointless, and cringey slides that you can think of.
We have a bunch of special snowflakes in the class, everything from fat acceptance to black lives matter.
I don't care if the speech does not make ANY SENSE AT ALL, I will present it as my own work and record it, and upload to youtube/webm for your enjoyment.
RULES: NO GORE/PORN/HITLER
I will be able to swear. For example:
"Fuck homework" is fine!
"Fuck women" is not okay.
"Women are stupid" is okay!
"Blacks are dirty" is not okay!
Let's have some fun, and I promise you this will be amazing.
Pepe lives eternal as long as we remember him.
Thread devoted to trump. This picture in background
dude this is gonna be fun. Props 2 you if you really deliver.
This is what the kids are into.
What a bunch of losers.
Back in my day we lynched black people.
Ancient pepeism causes current neonazisicm, this is due to the incompetence of women looking for equal job opportunities. Therefore the wage Gap is a myth created by female jews.
Now I know what you're all thinking.
What about the children.
That is why I propose that we hold a beauty pageant for the kids to perform to us.
And no this isn't paedophilia I just want to see cute kids.
fuck you feminists and blm'ers
you all need to die and do not deserve to live
>RULES: NO GORE/PORN/HITLER
Whats the point then.
(I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. Hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon madam.)
A recent study by the Soussa Institute of Music has confirmed that mayonnaise is most certainly an instrument.
Mayonnaise jars will now be a sanctioned instrument to play and courses for it in high schools across the country are being offered for enrollment starting in the 2017-2018 school year.
women should have no rights praise Allah also feminism is what is causing terrorism feminists and gays should be executed
OP please. You can make a slide about communication errors
All men are fucking dinosaurs don't trust them! Seiber and Mango are holy pussies. women don't deserve anything but a slap to the butt. i enjoy big booty bitches. lgbt+ deserves only reptiles. RIP KEK
Existence precedes essence, but only essence can fornicate a flounder. The chef is only as good as his carrot top. Kelly Drump Cyrais was an Anglecizing Jew best known for her meditations on vaginal flaps and the possibility of flight. The term "beef curtain" is a reference to an actual cultural practice in 14th century Japan whereby the current Tokugowan Shogunate was saved from mass lawn-dart execution by a pair of stitched-together beef sides hanging in a castle window. Cuddle fish may appear to occasionally walk on land bearing lemons on teaplates; this is in fact the earliest recorded opioid hallucination and not an actual event. Morgan Freeman is an American actor best known for his "Birther Controversy" in which compelling evidence was brought to light that he was not conceived, but rather materialized whole out of an ether cloud of rainbows and spring dew.
Something Awful is a website founded by Richie "Lowtax" Kyanka, a known alias of the deceased American science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard. Later on Hubbard would found Scientology as an adjunct to the website, as an alleged tax-exemption scheme. Within ten years a partisan movement known as "4chan" grew withinn the ranks of both organizations and sought to overthrow it. This was accomplished in a bloodless coup by violently communist cabal member Christopher "m00t" Poole in 1910, afterwhich the beginnings of the homosexual revolution ocurred. Premier m00t went on to found a neo-Scientologist empire across much of the asian pacific region, taking the title "Saarkarhist" (roughly translated as "Supreme Little Girl") shortly before his death in a mass fellatio incident.
do a presentation on how dr pepper is made by doctors--it says "dr" right on the can. if it wasn't made by doctors, there would be a ton of disclaimers. all the other sodas could very well be made by some hick in a bathtub in his garage for all we know. i'll stick with the stuff made by fucking doctors thank you very much
I think we should eat poor children. This has been proposed before. It's not a new concept. Think about it, killing a child is more affordable to society at large than the cost of that child to the greater electorate. If we created a system, such as factory farms, we could sell affordable meat to the poor that we need to preform the undesirable jobs. An added bonus is the increased desire of the poor to excel in order to prevent death. This would be a great plus to our society.
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Show this, say "whoops" and then move on like nothing happened
What does the color of your poo tell you?
Red: no more butt play
*fade text transition*
Blue with white spots: (Insert prof. name) DO I GO TO THE DOCTOR? PLEASE HELP, THIS IS NOT PART OF THE PRESENTATION, PLEASE HELP.
include something about kekistan, how the people are being repressed, get the sjw's on board
Sings this at the end of the presentation:
"Russia — our sacred State,
Russia — our beloved country.
A mighty will, a great glory —
Is your legacy for all time!
Be glorious, our free Homeland,
Fraternal peoples, a union for the ages,
Common wisdom handed down by our forbears
Be glorious, our country! We pride ourselves in you.
From the southern seas to the arctic circle
our forests and fields spread before you
You are unique in the world, you are without compare
The land of my birth protected by God.
Open spaces for dreams and for living
Are opened for us by the coming years
Our strength is given to us by faith in our Homeland
Thus it was, so it is and always will be!"
And then yell I KILLED PRESIDENT KENNEDY
Include that this is the best boxer right this moment
Use this at the beginning to gain their trust a bit, then crush their hopes and dreams OP
Do a presentation on the more vile aspects of the Internet. Include slides of dank memes, gore, porn, loli, racist shit. Express your distaste for them as you roll them out, one by one.
Read this with The attack on titans music on the background:
Number one, are you ready? Are you ready?
We will build a great wall along the southern border.
And Mexico will pay for the wall.
One hundred percent. They don't know it yet, but they're going to pay for it. And they're great people and great leaders but they're going to pay for the wall. On day one, we will begin working on intangible, physical, tall, power, beautiful southern border wall.
We will use the best technology, including above and below ground sensors that's the tunnels. Remember that, above and below.
Above and below ground sensors. Towers, aerial surveillance and manpower to supplement the wall, find and dislocate tunnels and keep out criminal cartels and Mexico you know that, will work with us. I really believe it. Mexico will work with us. I absolutely believe it. And especially after meeting with their wonderful, wonderful president today. I really believe they want to solve this problem along with us, and I'm sure they will.
By the way, happy day of Botev to all Bulgarians.
He's alive, he's alive! There on the Balkan Mountain
Drowning in his blood, groaning
A hero lies with a deep wound in his chest
A hero in his youth, in his prime.
His rifle's cast to one side
His broken sword the other;
His eyes dim - his head reels
As his mouth curses the universe!
The hero lies, while in the sky
The angry sun bakes down;
A harvest girl sings in far-off field
And his blood flows more quickly now!
It's harvest time ... so sing, you slave girls
Sing your sad songs! And you, sun -
Shine on that slavish land! This hero
Will perish too ... but be quiet, my heart!
He who falls in freedom's fight
Dies not - he's mourned
By earth and sky, Nature and beast,
And singers remember him in song...
By day a mother eagle lends him shade
And a wolf meekly licks his wound,
While on high a falcon - heroic bird -
Keeps watch over her brother hero!
Evening comes - the moon rises
Stars flood the vaulted sky;
The woods rustle, the wind blows -
The Balkan sings a hajdut song!
And wood nymphs in white array
Lovely, beautiful, take up the song -
Softly treading the verdant grass
'Til they reach the hero and sit down.
One binds his wound with herbs
Another splashes him with water
A third hastens to kiss his mouth
As he gazes at her - lovely, smiling.
"Tell me, sister, where is - Karadzha?
And where is my loyal band?
Tell me - then take my soul -
I want to die here, sister!"
memes in their current state are under danger of extinction. But should we actually save them? :thinking:
Lets talk on this topic in a few minutes, now to the next slide...
ARE NIGGERS MORE USED TO KILL CATS, READ MORE IN THE NEXT SLIDE
Mount Yaanek is one of the lesser mountains of the planet Venus. It is tended to by the Boreal people of the north Venusian pole , who also heard South-Venusian Great Squirting Tit Monsters upon its simmering volcanic slopes for both commerce and sustenance. A Feminist in the fist is worth two in the great crimson bush of fire. On October 31 2153 the world will end in a tidal wave of Yak vomit. Death by pineapple is a distressingly common mortality east of Eden and south of your nearest 7-11.
I took Public speaking and Interpersonal in college, too for some electives.
I winged mine, recorded myself the night before just talking to myself. My topic was this crazy snowstorm my grandfather and I got caught in. I was nervous as hell but I got an A on it. I even got a few facebook friend requests from girls in the class. Feces were money.
Thing is, you're gonna be nervous. Everyone is when they get up to speak. It's not nearly as bad as you think though. You usually do FAR better than you think you did.
As for talking with your hands, I did it without even thinking about doing it. I was pacing back and forth across the front of the classroom which my teacher said was natural for good communicators.
You've got a professional voice by the sounds of your voca clip there, so there's a plus. What's your time limit? Mine was fifteen minutes, but I ended up needing like 20 to finish the story lol. I stopped when the 15 minutes was up (as indicated by a bell), but the teacher asked me to finish the story
I have had too many encounters with men that leave me questioning my sexuality. I now that in every way, I am a toenail except in physical form.
Put this on a slide and tell them that the colorful three represents that class
Turn on illuminati music and say this
Science class is a conspiracy. During teacher education programs the texts and lectures are riddled with hypnotic words and imagery. Once they pass the praxis exam all teachers are led into the room where they swear an oath to the illuminati that they will help brainwash the population. The earth is indeed flat, the space photos are faked; the earth is in fact the center of the universe. Evolution is not true, God made each and every animal. There is no evolution variants. The "dinosaur" bones are actually demon remains from a great war between the angels and demons. This war happened some 3000 odd years ago while the worst still only had Adam and Eve. After eating the apple Adam became evil and began to form the illuminati. Wake up sheeple! The illuminati is controlling us from the shadows and all teachers are part of it!
Then look at your professor and say "I'm on to you, cunt"
And this is the story of my heroes:
The Columbine High School massacre was a school shooting that occurred on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School in Columbine, an unincorporated area of Jefferson County in the American state of Colorado. In addition to the shootings, the complex and highly planned attack involved a fire bomb to divert firefighters, propane tanks converted to bombs placed in the cafeteria, 99 explosive devices, and carbombs. The perpetrators, senior students Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, murdered 12 students and one teacher. They injured 21 additional people, and three more were injured while attempting to escape the school. The pair subsequently committed suicide.
Put this and say "Ryan was kneeling in the bathtub."
Let me begin by posting one of the reactions I have seen to the end credits
"Minecraft didn't need an ending. The fact that it was a generic open-world sandbox game is what we all loved about it to begin with. I originally thought the idea of a dragon boss was cool, but they completely botched it. The enderdragon should have been just another (albeit difficult) mob that you can choose to kill to gain some sort of resources to help you out in some way in the main world (perhaps material to craft better tools, new aesthetic blocks, whatever). Instead, defeating the dragon opens a magical portal to a "you beat the game screen!" which is nothing but text.
And the text is the most clichéd pseudo-philosophical garbage I've seen. It's not impressive in the least.
It's terrible because Minecraft is going down a completely different path from which it began. The fact that Notch thanks early adopters of the game immediately afterwards is a joke."
I feel that this is the entire point of the ending. The closer you get to the end, the more it seems like typical game (fighting the dragon as final boss). The credits try to explain that Minecraft is a game, an alternate reality. This is true for all games. We become part of the code and leave the real world. This game focuses on moving from world to world (overworld, nether, end).
It tells us to wake up. We must wake up from this dream of Minecraft and live our lives. We are made up of billions of atoms not to live in the Minecraft world, but in reality. Minecraft had to have an ending so that we can wake up and realize that our real lives also have endings.
In other words, a game is a game and life is life. We must wake up from the games and live, and actually do something useful with our lives while we still have it.
Put this after a particularly cringeworthy slide, and read it in your best Rorschach voice. (As deep and scratchy/demonic as possible. Look it up if you don't know.)
What's the best part about having sex with a 7 year old?
When you pull back her hair, she looks 5
Talk about sexbots and artificial uterus, it will trigger feminists