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Hey /b/ what crimes have you committed?

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 67
Thread images: 9

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Hey /b/ what crimes have you committed?
>>
I've got half a million doses of LSD sitting in my shop
>>
>>734456679
lewd the loli
>>
>>734456679
My crime is smuggling your mom past the border

I got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack
>>
Posted in this shitty thread
Fucking KYS
>>
>>734456679
stole a few carrier bags from morrisons
>>
>>734456679
I stole one piece of candy when I was 4.
>>
Only ones I've been caught for
>>
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torrenting anime just like everyone else
>>
I'm a serial arsonist

people have been hurt
>>
>>734456679
torrenting music
>>
>>734457557
L0L I knew a dude who burnt down a building
>>
Theft

>be like 8
>art homework nearly done
>need blue crayon to colour in sky
>morning of due date
>go to shop
>don't have enough money for crayons
>fuck.jpeg
>slip 1 blue pencil in my sleeves
>cashier notices
>cops called on me

I just wanted to do my fucking art homework man
>>
>>734456812
GammaGoblin? Is that you??
>>
>>734457795
>stole crayon
>cops called

You're not fooling anyone, anon.
>>
>>734456679
downloading hentai games
>>
>>734457897
worst part is I'm not fucking lying
>>
>>734456679
I stole a checker piece from a thrift shops toy section.
>>
>>734456909
Kek
>>
>>734456957
Brit fag ;)
>>
Piracy, drug use, theft, rape ;)
>>
>>734456679
Started growing small time and expanded to control everything in town pushing everyone and everything else out putting my "friends" at the forefront while controlling left the life after I had a shotgun against my head and the people I grew up with were in prison. The business carried for a little while after we left but it's been muscled out now.
>>
>>734456679
After getting bad service at a restaurant. I called ICE and the next weekend everyone including the owners were deported.
>>
>>734456679
kidnapping
rape
statutory rape
murder
arson
entrapment
aggrevated assault
shop lifting
theft
...probably some others.
>>
>>734458566
Not a crime just a bad thing
>>
>>734458628
My nigger we are twins
>>
>>734457037
Death sentence
>>
I made a club penguin account without my parents permission.
>>
one time i went on raise and adopt a baby on roblox and had fucked the living shit out of a dog without its consent or a condom
>>
>>734458628
Entrapment are you cop
>>
Used various illegal drugs.
Banged underaged girls.

It's been a good life.
>>
>>734458842
Sick bastard
>>
>>734458526
did you sell used cars?
>>
>>734458939
Yeahh I grew cars
>>
>>734458863
nah just a fucking rapist
>>
>>734458842
Same here, were fucking sick
>>
>>734458863
I was on a black ops. I was pedophile bait.
>>
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>>734456679
I killed hitler
>>
>>734459158
You sick fuck
>>
>>734459105
that's like using fish to lure in another fish. i hope the cops let them sodomize you before doing anything fucking cho-mo.
>>
>>734459238
I gave alot of blowjobs. ...probably enjoyed some.
>>
>be 6
>ice-cream man after school
>rush the ice-cream man with 30 other kids
>grab popsicle from cooler
>try to pay ice-cream man surrounded by other kids
>fuckthisshit.jpg
>leave without paying
>eat popsicle
>feel guilty for rest of life
>>
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>>
Arson....
>>
>>734459703
wew funny meme you got there friendo mind if i save it?
>>
Also ...torturing.... This one woman was a child molester. I directed the surgeon as he methodically took her apart piece by piece without anastecia. To my understanding, she was put back together and lived.
>>
>>734459824
Go ahead, it's all yours.
>>
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>be me
>15 year old femanon
>aspie as fuck, 200lbs pegasister
>one day decide to get off my fat ass and go to the nearby corner shop to get myself some more food
>go into store
>nobody there
>the store is literally empty, no employees or anything
>i call out to see if there's anyone there
>ready to walk home, defeated and chocolate-less
>then i decide 'you know what, nobody will know, fuck it'
>no security cameras
>start stuffing a carrier bag full of snack foods and bottles of fizzy drinks
>walk out the front door, no alarm
>theperfectcrime.png
>wake up the next morning
>hear that the bloke who ran the store gave all his employees the day off and hanged himself in the back room because his wife had left him for the neighbour and their daughter had come out as gay
>mfw I stole over £50 worth of stock from a corner shop while the owner was hanging in the next room
>>
>>734460123
>Femanon

No. You're not.
>>
>>734460123
well then.... that's definitely an interesting story
>>
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>>734456679
9/11
>>
>>734456679
I got conspiracy to commit a crime or conspiracy to commit theft or some shit like that when I was 15. Anyone want story?
>>
>>734460560
sure
>>
>>734460560
No one gives a shit pussy you didn't even do anything
>>
>>734457511
Kek
>>
>>734456812
Fuck i wish i had a lucy connection
>>
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>>734460123
>mfw I stole over £50 worth of stock from a corner shop while the owner was hanging in the next room

Talk about a case of assisted chew-icide
>>
>>734460649
>Be 13
>Brother tells me that he's stolen from cars with his friends
>Later I go with him to steal some shit
>We get some money, lighters, sunglasses, that kind of shit
>Didn't get caught

Fast forward to when I'm 15

>Move back into my grandpa and grandma's old house where I used to live, my grandma and my aunt are living there now
>Grandma is like 89 so she spends most of her days in bed
>Hanging out almost everyday with my friend I knew since the first day of middle school
>Call him Ray
>Ray smoked me out the very first day I came back to my old house
>Like my third time smoking weed
>We're smoking outside my elementary school I used to go to
>Anyone looking out their window in front of the school could see us
>We don't give a shit because we're retarded

Fast forward three months

>Been smoking almost every single day with Ray
>My aunt found out we smoked but was totally cool with it
>We actually smoked her out a few times
>She let us use my grandpa's old van to smoke in because he was dead and she never drove it anywhere
>If we weren't smoking in the van we were at his house smoking in his room with a towel under the door so his parents and siblings couldn't smell it
>I'm almost 99% sure they could smell it but the siblings didn't know what it was and his parents didn't care he did it

Cont.
>>
>>734461083
the onions, man, I'm getting sheets for $145
>>
>>734461528
>Me and Ray had been selling our old PC parts and other shit we didn't care about to buy weed
>By this point all I really cared about doing was playing on my PC and smoking
>Wasn't enrolled in school yet
>Soon we run out of shit to sell
>We keep talking about how all we want to do is smoke a bowl
>A few days go bye and we haven't smoked
>I ask him if he wants to go steal from cars like I used to do with my brother
>He is reluctant at first but agrees to go
>First time we did it we found 25 dollars in some girls purse
>We use the money to smoke obviously
>Forgot to mention but I had also been stealing money from my aunt to buy weed because I'm a piece of shit
>I was also stealing her beer and wine to drink
>I'm pretty sure I was depressed and just looking for a way to escape
>Anyway, after we smoked the 25 dollars I ask him if he wants to do it again since last time it was so successful
>He agrees to go

Cont.
>>
i smoke pot daily
>>
>>734460123
hmm :/
>>
Lewding the dragon loli
>>
>>734461384
CARLOOOOOOS
>>
>>734462021
>We meet up at an AMPM and start stealing from cars in random neighborhoods
>The way we did it was just seeing if the dumbass people had left their car unlocked with anything valuable in it
>We're doing this for about an hour
>I go to check if a car is unlocked
>It's locked
>Start walking away
>All of the sudden I hear the car locking
>THERE WAS A PERSON INSIDE
>They were making sure the car was locked so I couldn't get inside if I tried again
>OhFuck.png
>Me and my friend just start walking away hoping they wouldn't follow us
>They start following us
>Me and my friend start running
>He starts to run to AMPM where their are a ton of people like a dumbass
>I run into a random neighborhood
>Hide behind someones dumpster the had to the side of their house
>Wait 10 minutes
>Think it's clear
>Start walking back to my house hoping my friend Ray got away too
>Cops pull up
>Fuck
>They tell me to get on the ground
>They handcuff me and ask me what I'm doing walking outside at midnight
>I lie to their faces
>I realize I'm shaking so I come up with this story how I get nervous around cops because of something that happened when I was little
>They buy it and drive me home
>My aunt answers the door and sees the cop car outside
>I tell her they drove me home cuz it was past curfew
>She buys it
>I go to my room almost praying Ray got away
>Not only did he not get away but he also ratted me out
>Cops come to the door minutes later and handcuff me
>Ray tells me he didn't mean to rat me out, he thought they already caught me because that's what the cops told him
>He's a retard and I was mad at him but we were still friends
>Cops make us return everything we stole from the cars
>I got charged with obstructing an officer (Becuase I lied,) 4 counts of vehicle burglary, 1 count of conspiracy to commit a crime, and something else I forget

Cont.
>>
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>>734456679
being a nigger
>>
>>734463078
>Go to Juvie
>A bunch of shit happens that's not interesting
>Basically in the end I only got charged with conspiracy to commit a crime because this was the first time I got arrested
>1 year probation
>get sent back to live with my brother because my aunt didn't want me living with her
>Smoke on probation but don't get caught because everytime it was time for a drug test I drank a ton of water and some vinegar to hide the THC

And that's basically it, I still smoke now but I actually have a job to support it which is cool. I only smoke enough to get me high enough, I don't just smoke a ton because it's fun like I used to do.
Thread posts: 67
Thread images: 9



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