ITT post the dumbest things you've ever done >be me

>>734298156
>have dreams of not wearing pants
>realistic dream this time
>fuck it who cares its a dream
>get to bus stop
>nope, not a dream

>be me
>be librarian
>sorting books and shit
>customer asks to get a book down for them
>out of arms reach
>grab office chair
>stand on top of office chair
>forget that it has wheels
>doesn't matter all good
>reach for book
>lost balance
>wake up in hospital
>customer their
>"sorry you got injured getting this book for me"
>See it is Darwin award volume 1
>My shame when I almost made the next volume

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>2017
>not drinking a bepis

Not finding Jesus earlier

>>734298156
> Accidentaly call teacher mom when I was ten

>live normal life so I don't do stupid shit like you fags

>>734298845
Not finding Waldo earlier

>>734298588
3/10 made me kek

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>>734298156
Trading my virginity to my uncle for an Egyptian god card. Wasn't even real.

>>734298156
>told my friend i fucked a 14-yr-old boy

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Stopped watching current airing anime to clear backlog. Dont do this. The anime you think will be still relevant in 5 years wont be compared to the new ones that become hits.

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>>734298156
>be a me
>work at generic retail store
>one of tasks today is to sort through stolen goods
>find a plushy of a t-rex stuffed into frozen foods, missing batteries to some LED light-up shit
>what.mp4
>try and find out where it goes, log the place and time found for camera fags to check perp
>doesnt go anywhere
>not clearanced
>where the fuck does go?
>get some call to service desk after close
>expect some needy wanker shopping after hours just to be a prick
>my walking fupa of a boss yells out in a shrill nasily cuck voice "get in here anon"
>uhm, okay. weird time to be in bosses office
>peak through door like im expecting something bad
>slip around door like a timid faggot thinking i fucked up somewhere
>some coked out broad waiting near desk in office, moppy ass hair and missing teeth, the whole show
>clerk says she left it there
>autism goes into hyperdrive as I mentally cling to the missing parts ripped out of the plushy
>ask coworker if shes sure its not stolen
>right in front of customer
>just realized i angered the goblin standing in front of me
>coke fiend grabs plushy and tries to yank it from my hands
>not smart enough to let go
>too tired to stand straight
>fall flat on my ass with the stupid toy
>cant get my grip to get up, use toy to gain ground and lumber back up
>open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur
>i dont regret writing this
>im not sorry, fuck you boi
>and that's pretty much how the cookie crumbles
>dictated, but not read
>blue collar anon strikes again with the autism of a thousand suns.

>>734299925
>fuck you boi
i dont know why but this got me the most. so abrupt. fuck you too

>>734299925
(You) are to dumb to have autism

>>734298156

>be me
>be 15
>be rebound for older girl who left abusive relationship
>be infatuated
>fall in love
>share every day together
>learn about sex
>learn about intimacy
>learn about emotional vulnerability
>open myself up to a kind, beautiful person
>finish high school
>enroll at her college
>diversify our respective friend groups but remains so close
>our relationship envied by all
>ask her to marry me
>tells all her friends and family

. . .

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>>734300987
>starts planning wedding
>but i become invested in research
>now top of class
>top in my departments
>national conferences
>peer tutoring
>she finishes and goes to med school
>less time together
>less time for sex
>less engagement
>less creativity and fun in relationships
>take her for granted
>expect she'll always be there
>expect the engagement to work out
>i mention teaching in Japan after graduating
>she encourages me to go
>says it'll be good for me
>to "meet new people"
>"experience new things"
> . . .
>one day, after class, she's outside my apartment
>she doesn't say anything
>she comes upstairs, sits on my bed, and gives me the ring
>i cry harder than i had in years
>she cries to, but not as much
>i walk her outside
>say we'll stay in touch
>she drives away
>i can't think
>go to school mental health facilities
>cry to a stranger who didn't know what to say
>don't know what to do
>6 years down the drain

I made it to Japan, though.

I met new people, experienced new things, traveled around the world for years.

She's getting married on my birthday this July to a guy she met at her medical program while we were together.

I wish I were dead.

>>734300718
>to dumb

>>734298156
>be me 14
>18 sister takes pity on me and lets me fuck her
>tells me not to cum inside
>cum inside

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>be me
>be in high school marching band all 4 years
>band was really bad, 0% chance of being "cool" whatsoever as a member
>got 0 pussy all 4 years not even from other band members
>loved being in high school band, most fun I'd had there
>graduate and join local university marching band
>completely different experience
>hated being in it for the long hours and the other members barely talked to me
>don't go back after first year
>look back and realize just how massive a sperglord I was
>regret being in shitty high school band so long getting no pussy and regret wasting a semester in college band
>mfw I realized I wasted 5 years of my life

>>734301154
thank god you pointed out a grammar error. The great historians of Faggotaurus A will be relieved

>my whole life

>>734301034
Faggot, this I what you get for having feelings
I'm sorry bro, I wish you luck in life

>>734298156
been a dummy

>>734299182
lol

>>734301034
You have a better life than most people on this board yet you wish you were dead because of one woman? This isn't 1958 faggot. People don't stay with their first loves forever anymore. Sort your shit out and stop being weak. She's not worth it.

>>734302614

Learned my lesson for sure.

Although I had two foolish hook-ups post-break-up, I haven't been in a relationship for four years, lost 95% of my friends, and spend most of my time alone, drunk.

I have no interest in getting close to anyone, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Fuck, anon. Thanks for the kind words. You wished me better in passing than someone I devoted six years of my life to did when leaving.

>be me
>senior year
>at a small gatho
>took 5mg of Valium, 8 standard drinks and a lot of weed
>female friend arrives who I've got progress with
>walks past me
>literally grab her by the pussy
>slaps me
>rip chances of getting with her

>>734298156
How the fuck did you get acid burns on your meat? Where did you stick it, anon?

>>734303081
>not using acid in your home-made fleshlight to enhance masturbatory pleasure

>>734302818

My first serious relationship, grounded in honesty and openness, ended in silent, unexplained rejection. One of only two people I had ever opened up to dropped me without a word like a stale hobby.

I haven't been able to form decent friendships since and am terribly uncomfortable with any form of intimacy now.

Cast me as a caricature, anon, and stick to your simple narrative. I know she's not worth it and that it's not 1958, but fuck, yo, shit hurt, and it hasn't gotten better since (despite all the highs).

Thanks for the kick in the ass, though. Appreciate it.

> drunk confess love to a girl while married and still caring of the wife
>she confess back to me and don't wan't me to divorce
>say that doesn't matter, we will go old together
>iwishitstrue.jpeg
>try having a good life knowing I gonna hurt somebody I love

>>734303081
A battery burst inside my sister's stuffed teddy that I used to fuck and I got battery acid on my dick when I fucked it.

>>734303637

Fuck.

Ever get to fuck the bear again?

>>734303700
No my mother binned it when i burned my dick

>>734298156
>didn't care enough about my own future

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>>734303819

Too bad, anon. Good times. The bear have a name?

>>734298588
>customer their

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Could be worse faggots you culd be this guy

>>734303943

Shit, yo. How'd it turn out?

>>734304062
No that would be weird

>>734304116

>Could be worse

>getting to experience free fall
>feeling a fucking massive surge of adrenaline and endorphins
>die upon impact
>immediately end all suffering

or

>go through years of traumatic and/or tedious experiences
>day in, day out
>bodily functions
>working
>changes in weather
>itching
>loss
>aging
>sickness
>inconvenience
>societal/familial pressures
>et fucking cetera

>>734304370
But your not a nigger.

>>734304572

Damn, got me there.

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Just happened right now

>finish playing Friday the 13th
>hear something outside
>think it's the neighbors dog digging to my backyard again
>fucking guy squatting next to the fence in the dark
>tell him to get the fuck out of my backyard and immediately lock both garage doors

I'm inside to lazy to call the police and too awake to fall asleep now.

>>734301190
Did she become Prego™?

>>734304687
You see anon, I could always get a little worse.

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wasted my time reading this thread

>>734302985
Trump would be proud my friend

>>734304897
Maybe so but that gif is amazing

>>734299643
Did you actually fucked a 14 year old boy? Or just said you did?