I am going to end it all when this thread is over. It has been a good 7 years /b/. I want the best thread ever. Reaction, rekt, gore, YGYL, YLYL. Farewell /b/ros.
this one is for you OP
>at the book store trying to find the erotic section
>call my mom
>have her remind me where we found our favorite book
>realize blockbuster doesn't exist anymore
>steal mom's diamonds
>go to pawn shop
>pawn tf out of them
>get that $$
>buy xanax on the dark net
>give her some xanax
>go back to my room
>pop more xanax
there you have it - hoped you enjoyed that you nigger
Don't end it OP.
Just imagine all the lulz, greentexts, and life-altering experiences you'll miss.
Just for you OP, I'll post the adventures of Chinman
Good post. Chinman is a favorite of mine.
before you leave, show us your dick op. we need to see it
How about some good old-fashioned Inspirobot thrown in?
My life was breaking into shambles. Everything around me was morbid and depressing, I had to find a way to improve my life. That's when it happened; I was outside of WalMart when people were passing out flyers that said Jesus Saves. I happily took a flyer and thought.... They're right. All I had to do was find Jesus, and my life would get better. I did the only logical thing a man looking for Jesus could do, I went to Bethlehem. Yes, Bethlehem Pennsylvania.
I looked for days upon days trying to find Jesus, just wandering the streets wondering where he could be. When I was finally about to give up, a miracle happened. In the depths of an alleyeway I saw two men: one on his knees facing the other man, and the other man standing tall with his hands on his hips and a magical glowing halo above his head. I cautiously approached not knowing what to expect. I heard the man say "he who taketh the first nut, must swallow John 20:14" I was convinced, my priest had taught me that exact bible quote when I was an altar boy.
When I reached them the other man was standing up, and Jesus was putting his robe back down. I said "You're Jesus, aren't you?" He said "Yes, Michael, I am Jesus." I was shocked and in awe, "but how do you know my name?" He put his finger to my lips and rubbed back and forth very slowly "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the son of God knows all my child, why have you come looking for me?" I started to reply "because, I needed" he interrupted again "Shhhhhhhhhh.... I can tell you are a bad listener my child, as the son of God knows all." I was speechless, I figured he already knew what I was going to ask, but I asked anyway "Do I have to suck your dick to be your apostle?" Jesus looked at me with all of the love in the world and ran his fingers through my hair slowly and gently "not yet my child, not yet."
I recommend you don't do it, /b/ is where all of us outsiders lean on each other so we don't become an hero.
Get a pet, I remember seeing this guy turn his life completely around after caring for Hermit Crabs
We walked the streets of Bethlehem carrying only what was on our backs, and with three Donkeys. This is when we came accross a homeless man and Jesus put up his hands to stop us and the donkeys. He said "watch, and you will learn that all men are equal." He bent over and picked up a stone and yelled "GET A JOB YOU FUCKING BUM!" and cast the stone at the homeless man. The homeless man cried out in shock, got up, and ran away. Then Jesus said "he who casteth the first stone, must get stoned himself John 8:7". He raised his hands up in the air and lightning struck his palm, as a huge bong appeared out of thin air packed with kush. He hit it very hard, and that is when our other traveling apostle spoke up "Can I have a hit of that Jesus?" Jesus broke the bong over his head. He cried out in pain, broken glass protruding from his forehead. "You must listen more closely next time my son, I said he who casteth the FIRST stone," then Jesus did something I did not expect. He picked up another stone and threw it in our fellow apostles face, summoned another bong, and hit it again. "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. Matthew 5:39" Then he healed our fellow apostle with a magical bright light.
We traveled along Bethlehem on the backs of our donkeys, as we were all tired from a days work of performing miracles. This is when an older looking lady stepped out of her home and ran up to us with a joyous face. "Please! My son is dying! We need your help Jesus!" Jesus looked at her with a raised eyebrow. He stared for some odd seconds when finally he slowly stepped off of his ass. " For I know the plans I have for you," declared Jesus, "plans to make your son prosper and harm you, plans to give him hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11" She replied "what do you mean harm me" and that's when Jesus smacked her in the face. "We have no time for your mindless ramblings woman!" He stormed the house and we followed, donkeys on our tail.
Upstairs all was silent except for the donkeys casually having bowel movements all over the carpet. The boy was sickly, pale, and could not talk, he lie there; eyes half open, staring at the ceiling. That is when Jesus proclaimed "There is only one thing in all of my power that can cure this poor child. He must suckle the all holy teet. Tell his mother to get back in here." She came shortly, and as swiftly as she came, Jesus pointed at her and lightning came from his fingers and struck her in the breast. "Quickly now," said Jesus, "you must give your son the milk of the holy teet." She did so without hesitation raising her shirt, her boobs were almost blinding, and rainbows shot out of her nipples. She fed her son the milk and he was miraculously cured!
We left the house, my appreciation for Jesus and his work grew three fold that day. That is when we started to wander into the richest part of town, where we happened upon a few robbers looting a mansion. Jesus stopped the two thieves and looked upon them with pity and said "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10" This is when Jesus hit them with a beam of light, and everything in their satchels turned to gold. He then gave them the deed to the mansion, and told them to carry on.
The time I had spent with Jesus taught me a lot about myself, religion, and the world. Have faith in Jesus, and ye will be saved.
Some days I basically live for my fish. I know nobody else can take care of them as well as I do. They're so goofy.
Pic related, is one of my idiots.
Goats and sheep are savage...and hilarious