Alright, several tips. First off don't trust prison food that stuff is poison and it could probably turn the frogs gay, stick with vending machine shit, you can get ramen and stuff and you will have access to a microwave. Second off figure out something you are good at, I'd recommend tattooing if you are a decent artist that way people won't fuck with you since people want tattoos. Third off, don't act the fool, keep your head low. Don't go in there like you own people go in humble but don't let people walk over you, that gains respect and people probably won't fuck with you over it. If you have good behavior and work hard they will let you buy a tv, and other stuff, for your room, but remember, there are certain TV shows that you can never watch in jail, can't remember most of em but anything involving children that could be even remotely be seen as creepy is out, stay away from sports mostly, basically anything that has a conflicted review with some people loving and some people hating don't watch cuz people will get angry over that shit. So yeah, those are the big ones. Emphasis on finding something you can do that people want (like tattooing). Well peace.
>>726745695 Jail isnt that serious. People just want to do their time and leave. Mind your business and treat people with respect and you'll get it in return. you probably wont have to fight a day in your life if you show youre not afraid to. Just dont be a bitch.
>>726746881 I was a crack addict who hunted cats in my neighbourhood for fun. I would snatch them up in back alleys, bring them home, and torture them. The gun was used in case some person in the neighborhood came knocking at my door in case they found out I took their cat.
>>726745246 Ensure that you prepare your butthole wide enough. Prison sex is the best you will ever have. I recommend gently massaging it now and sticking things like pens or glue sticks in there. Even then, it will not be enough for the beauty that is Tyrone's monster dong. Trust me, you will enjoy it, have fun :)
WTF, are you in the UK or Australia ? I can't think of anywhere else right now...
Keep to the people of your own race, low profile, get someone on the outside to give you money every month in your account (familly member, someone you trust) you can't use your own money inside. Learn how to make a small stove with a tin can if you're allowed lighters inside. Don't gamble, don't do drugs, avoid fights, don't talk about your charges. Focus on something, prepare for the outside, even if it's just to pass time
>>726747726 Fuck off with that shit. Saying God is the only person who can judge you is like saying you are the biggest fucking snowflake ever. Only someone who cannot tell you how much of a massive fucking pussy you are is allowed to call you out on being a massive fucking pussy. You are literal human garbage. Imagine you adopted a kid and raised him for ten years. One day, someone goes out, tortures him and kills him. Doesn't seem all the nice now doesn't it? I hope you get ass raped.
You're an idiot, no one fucking cares about what a junkie did inside unless he raped a kid. No one will even want to hit him if he doesn't deserve it (unless nigger for obvious reasons) because diseases
>>726748127 Hope you enjoyed it. They find out and your fucked. You best keep to yourself and stay low key, but not weak. Weak = rape and animal abuser = rape. Basically do your time, take any rapings you recieve, get out and stop being a fucktard.
I was the guy who posted the super long serious response. I withdraw that. Do the exact oposite. I hope someone litterally sticks a shank down your asshole and fuck you with it while twisting violently.
>>726747448 Well you're a sick fuck, but what else is new on /b/? Get therapy while you're in there and keep your head down. Don't snitch, don't be a bitch, don't piss off the guards/COs, don't try to get involved with any hardliner gangs if you can help it. Find a few people who tolerate you and just hang out with them. Work out whenever you can.
As for skills you may need in there: Card games; Learn to play Spades and Poker at the very least. Other games like Rummy, Black jack, and 21 are also recommended.
Basic grapples, punches, and blocking; look up some basic martial arts tonight and get some practice in now.
Cooking; look up some prison commisary recipes. Things like cakes made from ramen/oatmeal/candy, burritos, ect.
Other things: Get a full mug of hot water before you lock up for the night if you can. Teas and coffee is better that way and you can also make some late night ramen.
Get a job asap and don't try to smuggle shit until you know what guards pat you down where and even then only sparingly.
Your cellmate can and usually will ask to see your papers which includes what you are in for, not to mention they do get local newspaper in there so if you're in that, they'll find out. Groups WILL do their own kind of background checks on you to figure out if they want you in or around their table.
Try not to get isolated. If you get some friends, stick close to them.
>>726750100 Was a correctional officer for a year. Shitty job. Be nice to the COs in there and they should leave you alone. if not, note the dates and times they get out of line and fly a kite (write a grievance). We all make mistakes anon and you're more fucked up than most but I've seen worse people get better and better people get worse. Try to get something positive out of this and fix that head of yours.
i wish i could personally fuck you up rn. i so really wish to solder your eyes & ears shit so you won't know what i will do. i want to burn your dick off & solder it into your own asshole. i wanna break all your fingers very slowly with a wrench so you can feel every fucking bone break one by one. i want to break all your ribs with a hammer & break your spine with a spade shovel. then i want you to suffocate in gasoline before i set you on fire. yet you still deserve worse
>>726745246 OP, when you get your first set of clothes, always keep your first pair of socks. Wear them, then it comes time to wash, say that you lost your socks. They will let you slide this time and give you another.
Rotate cleaning socks and always have 2 sets. Double up socks for the luxury of warm feet when you sleep.
When you have your first cafeteria meal, learn the recipe and save ingredients for a dish called "spread". Food will get bland over time and if you know how to make spread, it'll be like you have a panda express orange chicken meal whenever you please.
It's not very appealing, but it'll tantalize your tastebuds when everything tastes like chalk after awhile.
>>726753747 I guess it started when I was a kid and stole my cousins hamster. I took it, tied it inside of a soccer sock and threw it up and down as hard as I could in a field for am hour or so. Afterwards when I opened the sock, the hamsters eyes were out of its sockets and it was twitching, so I stomped it. Ever since then I've been doing this stuff but only with cats since I was on crack.
>>726746711 Spoken like a true ex-con. He speaks wisdom young one...heed his words Jail isn't too bad...prison is worse. One thing though...if you get a shitty cellie....your FUCKED Good Luck with that one
too much jail time 1 year shows how fucked up our justice system is. im sure in a year he can learn a lesson but no lets linger on this cat tortuing for like 4 .. fucking hell come out worse. and asking online for the what to do for the next four years. i wouldnt have any idea, well.
>>726754860 What drove the compulsion? There’s a character in Infinite Jest that, while recovering in a halfway house, killed cats by smashing them in a trash bag just to feel a sense of release. It sounds like your compulsions were not exclusively related to your substance abuse, but this is about as close as I can get, intellectually, to understanding such a compulsion.
Good luck with the parole board op >What did you do again? >I captured and tortured people's cats for fun hahahahahaha you gonna be in prison a LONG time fucker. Enjoy your ass rape and your ruined ass life.
In prison it's against etiquette to ask what someone's in for. You ask how long they're in for, and they can tell you the what if you want.
They don't need you to tell them.
What you're in for is a matter of pubic record. All they need is your prison number and they can look it up online. They always get someone to check out the new guys. To shank you if you're a pedo, to recruit you if it's for violence, and for any other pertinent intel. If it's notorious, the guards will go around talking about it.
>>726755705 You'll never understand the rush of running through back alleys at night trying to keep a cat clawing and biting you quiet as you take it back to your house at 3 am. It's a blast. The hunt was more exhilarating than the kill.
>>726749697 >I have ulcerative colitis so prison authorities are giving me a special cell. Here's a fun tip: you have ulcerative colitis, so prison authorities TOLD YOU you are getting a special cell. In reality, they think you are an animal torturer, and your "special cell" will contain a dude named Tyrone. He will ulcerate the ever loving shit outta your colitis, you can believe dat.
The only people who hate people who fuck with kids or animals WORSE than prison SCREWS, are the prisoners themselves.
>>726754032 Would you agree that people with brains like yours should not be able to reproduce? Do you feel what you do with the animals is wrong and that you have a problem? Or do they deserve what you do to them?
How's your relationship with mom and dad? Siblings? Did you ever rape or think of raping a boy or girl? If you could get away with killing a human, would you do it happily? Is it only animals or humans you'd like to abuse too?
>>726756635 That would be a violation of my human rights. We treat prisoners well up here, especially ones with a debilitating medical condition like myself. They already gave me a tour of my cell and asked if it's to my liking.
>>726757355 Thread is fake This guy is nowhere Animal rights activists would have plastered his face everywhere online by now You've all been baited by an attention whoring edgelord Nothing new for you fags
>>726757498 Nah, but conditions vary wildly, from overcrowded (which tend also to be more violent places), to just general filth, plumbing problems / sewage issues, no hot water, bad food (like literally rotten spoiled food) - shit like that. Some places are like, phew, dodged a bullet, sucks to be inside but you can eat the food and your cell doesn't back up with your shit every time someone 2 doors down flushes. Knew a guy who died from a lung infection he got from some black mold growing in the kitchen - he got it bad because worked in the kitchen. So yeah, you got quite a bit of variance depending on where you go.
Do you feel what you do with the animals is wrong and that you have a problem? Or do they deserve what you do to them?
How's your relationship with mom and dad? Siblings? Did you ever rape or think of raping a boy or girl? If you could get away with killing a human, would you do it happily? Is it only animals or some humans you'd like to abuse too?
What nationality are you? Not just Canadian. Like where are your parents from?
>>726755645 No I didn't, though I see where you would draw that conclusion. Yes, it is against etiquette to ask directly, but (at least in WDOC) every inmate has the right to request the official records (almost always given in paper format upon request, hence "...ask [the Department of Corrections] to see your papers") of what their cellmate was charged with as well as other official, "non-sensitive" information and, as you said, a lot of it and more is also available online or (as I said) occasionally in the local newspaper if the crime is unusual enough.
>>726745246 in America they need to know what skills you have. Tell them you have worked in PLUMBING. This skill is something they need inmates to do. It's a much better job than the unskilled crap they stick people with.
OP, I just got out of jail 2 days ago, it was my first time there. It isn't too bad if you just keep to yourself, sleep, read. I didn't, people like me and think I am funny so I made some friends in their and socialized. If you have poor social skills, go with my previous advice. Have someone on time here he outs who will put money on your books so you can get ramen and other food. One, it's better than the garbage they will feed you. Two, your commissary items can be used to barter for other items. Noodles are basically currency. Be prepared to meet a lot of white supremacists. Idk what kind of jail you are going to. Mine was like an adult daycare. I spent my time reading and playing chess. Try to get good behavior time too.
>>726745246 Keep your head down. Read books. Don't antagonize anyone. Treat other people with respect. The only people that get beat up or anything are the ones who are really annoying. Even then, they probably wont beat you up. Jail is short time. People care about their visits and want to get out quick so its not all fighting and rapes. At least not where I went. It's weird. The people who have been to prison say that Jail and federal prison are the worst. The people who have been to federal prison say its a cakewalk compared to state prison. Basically every institution thinks that the other one is the worst. Jail is run like a maximum security prison is, sometimes worse in terms of what you can and cannot do. I wouldn't worry about it. Just don't be an asshole and don't be a child molester, be polite and crack a few jokes and you'll be fine. Been to jail about 4 times, each time was 2 weeks - 3 months. Never got into a fight. Never felt scared. I'm 5'5. I'm not like in super good shape. Just make sure people know who you are and why you're there and it will be alright. You'll fit in. Just don't trust anyone or borrow anything from anyone or to anyone.
>>726760219 >Just make sure people know who you are and why you're there and it will be alright LOL.. .er, I mean... Yeah, this right here. That's the ticket! You do that, OP. Everything will be just peachy if you do!
>>726760201 Also if you are a man, absolutely DO NOT call anyone a bitch. In jail, it's like calling women cunts or calling black people niggers to their faces. You will get your ass beat. Don't snitch on any misconduct either.
>>726745246 You got someone on the outside to put a little change on your cantina account from time to time? You could probably get some of the sick fucks in here to throw a few sympathy dollars your way. It may not seem like much, but getting to buy some shitty peanut butter crackers, or a ramen, or a foil pouch of tuna or mackerel - shit like that makes all the difference, man. Everything is overpriced, though. But still, you get someone to drop you $5 or $10 every now and again, and you'll feel like you are on top of the world. Hell, I might even do it once or twice myself, just to enjoy thinking about helping someone get to feel that way. I been out 6 years now in June.
>>726745246 I got a message through to someone at Niagara and another to someone at Toronto South. I know one more guy at North Bay but I couldn't reach him yet. Will keep trying, but it don't even matter. Between the two I did reach, they are going to reach out to everyone they know and spread the word. That net goes everywhere - fucking high and low, my friends. In a weeks' time, every con in every shithole in the country will be looking out for the new guy doing 4 years for killing cats.
And if possible, they are going to send me some pix for the follow up thread. Better cap this shit, /b/rothers.
>>726745695 Jail or prison? Jail you'll be fine. Bored and hungry but fine. Prison you're fucked and especially with the animal abuse charge. Expect to be beaten often unless you ask to be placed in protective in which you'll be locked in a cubicle sized cell 18 hours a day.
>>726762316 Though you are likely full of shit word will get out what this kid did and when it does, he's fucked. You know the guards will accidentally let it slip out what he was sentenced for, they have kittehs at home too and will think it's funny.
>>726762676 A lot of dudes inside are ultimately there because of some really fucked up shit they went through as a kid. If they aren't that guy, they know that guy. So, there's serious hate on anyone who fucks with kids, or women, or animals - basically anything that resembles the strong preying on the weak (outside) gets hate. Which is especially ironic considering how often the strong prey on the weak inside.
>>726762676 Yes. When it comes to the read hard motherfuckers who get locked up just think of them as normal people who go from zero to fuck your face with a hammer when they are upset by something. A person of the street accidentally bumps into them, instead of simply being annoyed they beat the shit out of them and get locked up. Someone laughs at them or makes them feel insulted, instead of simply being annoyed they beat the shit out of them and get locked up. They like animals and find out someone tortured a cat, instead of being annoyed they rape their ass.
Then the guards at the prison are all sadist that love to feed the weak to the strong and watch what happens. So even if you get protective custody or some shit like that, the guards will find an opportunity to serve you up on a platter just to see what happens, because it makes their dicks hard.
>>726745246 So sorry to hear about your predicament Donald. I'm told you're a pretty successful business man? Perhaps use some of that money to hire an attorney? Maybe you could discuss your pending incarceration over dinner at one of your resorts?
Bide your time but as others are saying word will get around and inmates will not like what you did. Not saying that there might not be other animal abusers in there but the general inmate population does not approve of it, i know someone who went through it and let's say he more than learend his lesson.
>>726765404 Hardened thugs will shank someone over crackers or a bag of coffee. Now think about what they'll do to some fucker who makes their cell smell like shit that they have to breath for the next hour or more because there is no real ventilation in their cell. What you think they can just open a window and make the smell go away? That shit lingers, and it pisses those hardened thugs off that they now have to stew in your fucking stink.
Praying is all you can do when you're powerless to do anything else. Whether god is listening or not, I'm willing to take the gamble and take some minutes each day to dedicate to this human filth's suffering and demise.
>>726745246 Keep your head down. Don't talk to no one, be polite, be kind, do your time. Stay focused on the outside world, pick a skill and improve it because when you get out you have to be very good at something to get someone past hiring a criminal.
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