>>724858424 I know I'm a disappointment to my parents, I know my friends hate me, and I know I hate myself. I often have suicidal thoughts and I can't tell anyone or I drive them away when I search for help, so I just bottle it up and it turns into anger and shit, man.
>>724858699 What honestly makes you feel as if you are a disappointment? I've been in the same issue before, though I didn't feel as if I was a disappointment, just hated myself so much it grew and grew. 4 years of heavy depression and 2 suicide attempts later.
>>724859030 I have absolutely no social life, and all I do is stay in the basement and on my computer. I'm not some neckbeard though, so I don't understand why no one likes me. I've been thinking of taking my own life soon, but I can't do that to my parents.
>>724859173 I had little to no social life outside of work, just talked to a girl who I liked at the local grocery store. Talked and talked for months and finally asked her out. Now we are a couple not less then a week ago. You may just be hanging out in the wrong crowd, her personality is very much wanted or at least I think so, but she may come off as a bitch to others. Just the wrong crowd. Suicide is not the answer my man, two attempts took me to realize that.
>>724858372 I just got kicked out of Paramedic class. I've had it pretty nice so far. Passed EMT. Passed EMT-I. Financial aid covered everything, and I would have gotten an extra $3000 had I passed this. Now that's gone and I will have to pay($4000) for it on my own if I decided to retake it.
>>724858372 was going on a walk in a nature preserve today, stopped and sat on a bench for a few hours. I don't know why but the past few years nothing is pretty anymore I'm haveing a hard time seeing in colors.
moral of the story is I sat on a bench and stared for three hours today.
>>724860277 I just say hi, thats it. All I did was say hi, got my order and said thank you, came back the next time I wanted something, said hi how are you? got my order, chit chatted and from there it was what it was. I doubt myself everyday, I don't love myself, heck how can I? 6 foot, average dick, 220 pounds, shit facial hair, bitch titties, and the personality of a 11 year old. I wanted a relationship and I worked for it, I wanted it because I know, she can help me and I know I can make her happy. I doubt myself everyday, its a annoying battle that I deal with. I use to have huge issues with girls, asking them out I never could do, this I barely managed to ask, just kinda slipped out to be honest. I gave her a note with my number... I asked her to be my girlfriend through a note, 3 months later of seeing eachother and talking to eachother every day.
Did you know playing video games is my favorite thing? Not for fun, but just because I can be somebody else. I don't really care if I'm a plumber searching for a princess or if I'm a trained marine, as long as I'm not me. I like playing games to pretend I matter to people, that people are counting on me, and if I ever mess up, I can just try again. Someone is always going to want to see me, talk to me. If I focus hard enough, I can pretend that I'm not pretending.
>>724858372 Haven't been on a date in 2.5 years now, just sort of gave up on girls... Don't really have friends either, just one who lives a few hours away so we rarely speak. I've got my porn and animu who needs real relationshits amirite? also dumping a few feels.
Who else feels hollow at random moments. Like you're doing something you loved before and now you're just doing it to buy time or because you don't have anything else to do at the moment. Whether it be Vidya reading, drawing or just speaking with friends?
>>724860811 I won't ask out a coworker, because it can make an uncomfortable work environment, and I'm just her creepy coworker. I won't ask out the cashier or waitress when I go out, because she's just doing her job and I'm some asshole customer. I won't ask out a girl at the gym, because she's there to work out, and I'm just some sweaty fat guy. I won't ask out a girl at the bar with her friends, because she's out to have a good time, and I'm just some drunk. I won't ask her out, not because I'm afraid she'll hurt my feelings, but because I'm afraid it will upset her.
I don't even think I'm depressed and suicidal anymore. I'm just tired of existing. The experience of existing is just a fucking chore. Even before I think about my shitty life once I wake up or realize that I have to go to work, I'm unhappy to even be awake and in the real world.
I wish I could just stop existing, or buy some machine that lets me stay in my dreams for a lot longer.
Today a parts vendor came in for a lunch-and-learn on the projector. Basically engineers get treated so shitty these days that lunchtime is the only "time" for this sort of stuff... must be busy all the time, nose to the grindstone, must work 60 hour weeks, etc.
I looked around the room of 7 other engineers and CAD drafters and realized that while I have been working there for 14 years, the next person had been for 2 years, and then even less on down. I couldn't remember half their names, I've seen so many people come and go!
Prior to this I had come out from a meeting from my boss/VP as a few the grunts on the shop floor were calling me a "primadonna" and "coming and going as I pleased" and "arrogant" and "not willing to help" and "not putting in my time" and on-and-on over some dumb rush job project last week.
Nobody thought to ask WHY I didn't help run wires or drill holes. It's because I had/still have pneumonia.
I've been through so much shit at the company. But with so much turnover, nobody can remember and back me up.
All that work, all that personal effort, invisible and unappreciated. And management listening to some mouthy working-class jackass that is butthurt over his few extra hours of overtime over 40 and one lost Saturday.
That thing. Yes that thing you're putting together. That thing giving you a job. I helped craft that along with my other engineers who aren't around anymore. That program running in there. I made that too. That parts list you're pulling from the box, I had a good hand in making that list and setting up how to order them and negotiating price...
And you whine and you bitch and backstab about "how much effort you put in" assembling the god damn thing over maybe 2 weeks.
>>724861541 Why be a asshole to her if shes a cashier? I was nice, heck I was kind, asked and let her talk about her day and actually took a interest in her work, her life and her day. I never will/have asked out a co-worker but if the feels are there go for it, just be honest. The gym thing never have. Honestly, you could make her day. The girl I am now in a relationship with, enjoys my company, enjoys my jokes, enjoys the stupid conversations I have with her. I want to be in her life, I enjoy hearing about her day, I enjoy hearing about her horse, her lessons, her stupid pet rats, I enjoy it and you know what? she enjoys me enjoying her company. Just ask, the worst thing that happens is she says no.
>I never will ask out a co-worker because my personal life and my work life shall remain different, cashiers and whatnot are open game, gym and the bar are the same thing. Just ask away my brother.
Guiz, I get feels every time I know one of you is down. I was there, right there, where you are right now. Hell, I was you, fuck it we all were. But I learned to love being alone and I ignored all the white folk faggets that would look at me sideways. I taught myself to embrace the silence and I started going out every night on my own, lying to everyone that I was going out with friends. I'd have gym clothes in the car and my skateboard or rollerblades and I'd skate until the early morning then go home happy, knowing that tomorrow, I'll be out there again. A warrior of the streets, cruising around, breaking the rules, flipping people off for no reason. And I loved it. I wish that you can all turn your situation around and teach yourselves forgiveness and find that inner love for yourself. It's there, just look for it.
And to all of you that feel like losers or disappointments, stop giving a fuck. It's your life, you're the one that goes to sleep and wakes up every morning. Who gives a shit if you have bad hair, who's to tell you how you should dress or what you can and can't do. Fuck them, just do you.
>>724861959 >Well shit, I just figured out my problem Took me a long time to figure it out, too. I still don't know what to do about it. I've tried online dating, because at least there you are only seeing people who are looking for a date, or whatever. But when you are fat, good luck at online dating... They don't even open your message, so you have no chance to win them over.
A day or two ago my ex/friend/still in love with female acquaintence was talking about talking to her crush who I thought was a total douche and she already has gone through about 3-4 guys in a month and is brasically just whorish. I decided I didn't want her making any more mistakes so I DMed him on a side account and basically outted her as some whore who went out and broke guys hearts. Now we aren't gonna speak to each other ever again.
>>724862186 >Honestly, you could make her day. Any time you see some girl gushing about a guy asking her out, it's because that guy is attractive. Any time you see a girl complaining about creeps and weirdos ruining her day, it's because that guy is unattractive. I fall into the latter camp.
>>724862404 Honestly man, I legit can't think why I can't ask a girl out, or at least become friends with them. I've talked to girls, got girls numbers. But after a couple days or so, they get disinterested. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Man, I've even tried to act like a normie, being happy and engaging, but it always leads to them getting disinterested for I having not a fucking clue reason. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I tell myself whatever most of the time. [spoiler] But I'm a dirty filthy liar. [/spoiler]
One of the worst parts of my existence is not knowing if I look decent enough to ask girls out or am I just so repulsive as a person already that it doesn't matter anyways. I just want some fucking answers
>>724862635 I am not attractive, nor am I handsome. I just have the art of conversation and I know how to treat her right. That's it, it took me a long time to ask her, don't get me wrong but she enjoyed when I came in, I never said oh hey there pretty girl or anything just said hi, how are you, oh hey xxx, oh hey there xxx whatever it was. Just be yourself, you don't have to be pretty to get a girl.
>>724862190 You sound like a teenager... Hell, you might be one...no way for me to know for sure. That would be awesome if we could all do that. But we all have to grow up at some point. That's what really sucks. We HAVE TO conform to society and have responsibilities, or we'll be homeless, or working some shit type job, that we hate. I used to be like you. Didn't care about what others thought. "Just did me". Well, let me tell you: That's a load of BS. Unless you come from a lot of money, and have parents that don't care that you don't work, and are a total loser, it doesn't work that way. Trust me, like it or not, you'll find out one day.
>>724862914 >Be Myself That person doesn't exist. Where myself should be is just someone who sits on his computer all day and play's vidya for really no other reason than living out a better virtual life and can't even relate to things in life.
>>724862951 Just say like "hey let me give you my number if you need any help on some assigments" or "can I get your number in case I need help on something" To be honest I've only gotten three girls numbers my first semester/half of second semester in college so far.
>>724863103 So, go find a gamer girlfriend or someone who is interested in those certain things you are. I am into outdoors, mushroom picking and animal trapping. Not a very large community is into that...
My old self, a loner, depressed out of my mind, suicidal as fuck even tried taking it Nov 7th 2016, fat as fuck 250 need I go on?
>>724863445 Basically I dont really do anything other than go to school and try not to talk to anyone except the few friends I have, then go home and talk to my parents as little as I can while playing vidya on computer or just starting at the ceiling. In theses past couple years I feel like I've kind of isolated myself and I'm seeing myself as bigger piece of shit then I really am but I can't stop these feelings because I've just stopped caring about doing well and so I'm starting to fall back from everyone else.
i know this friends from like 3 years they paid the travel just to know me in person i had a really good time with them damn i feel like shit, they all have good lifes and are way more succefull than me in a lot of ways i lovem but i can stop feeling down cus i couldnt even pay for the travel and my life is shit cant keep a job for long i dont have any skill and dont have any friends where i live tried hanging myself once and failed and now i cannot do it cus it will fuck up my mother and sisters wich are the only people the love me i go to bed wishing i dont wake up ever again
>>724863475 I asked my friend if I could go to a convention with him because I feel like I can maybe find someone there, but honestly in the end I doubt it. Not really sure how else I would find gamer girls
>>724863784 My average weight is around 215. Just get yourself out there my man. You can make someones day. Nov 7th, I tried to slit open my wrist while getting lethally laced cocaine. I popped blood thinners for a month, popped energy drinks to get my heart rate jacked before snorting it, couldn't get any as the dealer I know was sold out (luckily), so I resorted to just slicing away at my wrist. Ended up feeling bad for a coworker not knowing why as me and her were semi good friends so I was going to drop off my letter and finish it, got stopped by a cop. I am now the happiest I have ever been because of xxx
iam so fucking afraid of gettin a girl cus i dont want to end with someone just to not be lonely i want someone to talk and have common interests and wel thast a lot hard to find when you are 34 girls that age alredy have a kid and think on a man to help them
i just want someone that makeme want to do an effort for her
>>724864150 A few months ago, I drove up into the mountains, sat on the side of the road, loaded a single round in the cylinder of my .357 and spun it. I've done that 7 times now in my life. The 5/6 chance that I survive is the only way I can get up the courage to actually pull the trigger.
>>724864463 Well then try to find people that are into video games too. Talk to people, learn about them. Even if they're not into video games, act interested in them. You don't need to both be in love with the exact same things to be friends.
>>724864510 I've swallowed enough pills to overdose myself 7 times over, my first attempt, ended up barfing and having seizures. My second attempt was stopped by a cop. I've had a rope around my neck more times then I'll ever be able to count, my legs near a cliff edge and a razor slicing away at my skin more times then I'll be ever able to count. I, know the feeling trust me I truly do, I've done acts to myself that I wish I could undo. It, gets better trust me.
>>724864706 > Currently cant sit anywhere in cafeteria for lunch since no one saves me seat so I sit in special needs room with autists while eating > They have a wii there and I can play smash every week so Im fine with that > Short neckbeard in my grade always comes in as well because he has asbergers >we always converse about different vidya even though the types of game i play are like farcry and hes more a europa universalis guy I think i get it now.....
posted this on arcanine, and I know that some of you have ot worse but I can't handle this feelings
>be me 24 yo >have crush on this girl >she starts talking to me and we go out a couple of times >she steals a kiss from me, it was my first kiss >she was my first everything and she told me that she wanted me to fuck her >i didn't because of my insecurities >but still, things were going great >lots of kisses, hugs, amazing times... >we can't see each other daily anymore so things went cold >she doesn't reply to my texts anymore >bet she's getting fucked by someone who is not a pussy >she told me that she loved me, that she have never met anyone like me, that she wanted me to be with her forever >I guess she forgot >this is fuckin me up so much and I feel so fuckin lonely again
I'm still a virgin but got some things that I've never expirienced before back to self-loathing I guess, just get me off this ride...
it hurts like hell, I was fucked up a cople of years ago and worked on myself to the point where I could function properly, but this situation has made go to my old self.
Haven't take a shower in days, haven't left the house either. I don't know why this is messing me up so much. Can't sleep at night, can't stop thinking about her...
>>724865132 that remindme of a girl i found she was damn perfect for me we had so many things in common and always have things to talk about she belives in magic and astral stuff wich interestme she even have the same ammount of libido than me, we even had a lot of cyber sex for a year
ther is juts one big fucking problem shes married with a child so she will never be mine we agreed to never talk each other again i would never do anything to harm her in any way it hurts, iam just starting to forget her
>>724865568 At least your not so beta that your afraid of disappointing your parents even more by doing drugs and trying alcohol instead of just letting life without anesthetic slowly rot and kill you from inside
>>724865624 I'd have to say payday 2 looking at everything
Payday 2 has over 550 achivements currently
When I started playing it last april I promised myself as a joke I'd get every single one.
Turns out that was pretty much the only thing that drove me for the next 6 months, grinding shit and continuing onward so that every day I made progress.
I did make some online companions, people i could trust as I plugged in hour upon hour, letting people around me scold me for playing so much but getting some decent compliments from my bros online as I got new status updates on the game.
Around november 2016 I finally got 100% achivemnts on the game (doesnt show now because dlcs continously add achivements) and I promised I'd let myself let go of the game but i keep coming back to it too many komrade memories
>>724866328 Keep in mind the people on my friends list are not people i know in real life, just people that I've met i the game and have friended me because I've been a big help to then in missions or stuff or maybe they were jolly good fun to play with
>>724861541 Outside of work, I think the best approach would be just to change your mindset. Just say fuck it I have nothing to lose and chat a girl up. Put on a smile, introduce yourself, and tell her how you feel! If you put yourself out there enough you'll find someone you're compatible with.
>Be me > Be 18 > Be beta as fuck due to peers verbally and physically abusing me over the years >Grouchy as fuck. jpg >Buddy introduces me to girl in California >Live in VA >Hit it off immediately >Like talking to myself >She's literally the girl i dreamed up in my head >Wants to come out here for college >Mom refuses to sign financial aid forms due to her being a stuck up calicunt >Will probably never move out here now due to money >Doubt I can find anyone who can keep up with me mentally or be as fucked up as I am in terms of humor and life story.
I know she will never be by my side in a romantic way. I know I'm not important to her and I'm just a nuisance, she just bears with me because we are long time friends and in the same circle. I can tell perfectly. That and the fact I hate myself for not being good enough to make her happy.
I have no life goals and the most important people in my life both tried to get me to move to Arizona so they could fuck each other and not worry about what I did. I didn't go and found out, my best friend and the girl of my dreams both wanted me to die far away so they could fuck
>Be me >June 2016 >Talking to some friends about kids we went to school with >Mention how I always thought this one girl was cute >They never say anything good in her >They were right >Randomly match with her on tinder next day >wtf.jpg >Start talking agree to help her fill out job application next day >Go to her house >I end up in her bed naked till 5 am >Holy fuck this is awesome >Spend whole summer together >She goes to school 6 hours away >We spend everyday together, how am I gonna be apart from her I think >We tell each other we wont date because shes going away, but were "Seeing eachother" >If you arent gonna date dont "See each other" its a fucking trap >3 weeks before she leaves she says shes going to this guys house to drink >I have no clue who the fuck this guy is, We aren't dating so its fishy to me >Every second that goes by i'm anxious >Literally feel myself shaking >Tell her ill get her at 11 >As she leaves the house I see her putting her shoes on still, shes drunk as shit >Gets in my car is all affectionate and shit >It was fine I guess > Go to her house, flat out tells me she hooked up with him >Shoulda left, but I was so sucked in >Fast forward to the last day im with her before she leaves >Tell her I love her >Doesnt say it back >Weeks later when shes in school she says it >Have plans to get good grades and go to school with her >Calls me drunk one night >"How would you feel if I fucked someone else?" >I couldn't answer >"uh fine I guess, since we arent dating and all" >Literally cry myself to sleep >Go up to visit her >Spend around 300 dollars on plane ticket >Go up to see her >Days are good, nice little vacation >Last couple of days >She leaves for a sorority meeting >On her laptop watching netflix >Get this urge that some people get to snoop >Don't do it >Don't fuckin do it >Fuckin did it Cont?
> be me > valentine's day > I send flowers to my gf workplace > buy her a big fucking box of chocolate >been together for almost two years now, I know she will love this >text me around 6 p.m. >don't come to my place, I dont want to see you again, if I see you around here or my work I'll call the police >block me in every way possible (Facebook,Twitter, etc) >haven't talked since
>>724867657 have no $ to help her with college and moving. I can barely support myself. Know I could give her everything and then some is the worst part. But i'm stuck in a place I can't get out of (community college and awful at math. Need to go through calc for a business degree.) and she's trapped at home. Haven't talked to her in a few days due to feels. Should I just talk to her about it?
>>724868102 If you think talking to her will help, let her understand how you feel about her and how she is important, not let you come off as some creepy mofo then Id say go for it Then again I'm kissless beta so really up to you if you want to follow what im saying
>>724867131 >She wasn't very emotional with me >But she talked a lot of shit about me >"Hes there for the emotional aspect I guess" That hurt me so much >The way she was talking to other boys it was just like I was nothing to her and the summer was just something she used to fill a void >She comes back to the room, immediately tab out >Leave the next day >Walks me out >No kiss goodbye >On plane ride home >Start crying on the plane >How the fuck can I still be in love with this girl, she literally has no interest and is using me >Fast forward to October >Friends plan on going to other friends college for a party >College is near hers >Tell her ill visit her again >On tinder still >Just looking for a fuck or something >But I meet this one girl >The way she talked to me it >We literally didn't talk for more than 2 days and I was attached >Go on date >Perfect >Go on second date >Even better >Third date >Kiss
>>724868556 >Just felt so alive >Literally last few months have been me giving it my all and her giving nothing >The way she looked at me, it was just a look of interest >Plans dont fall through and dont go upstate >Not religious but possible sign of god >Calls me up drunk again >"Were gonna date one day you know?" >Kinda just shush her out of it >See girl more and more >Family is happy and noticing a good change for once in >Fuck this other bitch >Leaving other girls house one night >Do everything but sex >Guy rams into my car >No damage to me but my car is fucked >Girl comes running down the block, gets her parents involved >Wow she actually gives a shit >Other girl in college calls me drunk >"are you like mad?" >"No just got into a serious car accident" >"Are you okay?" >"Yeah im fine I just gotta go" >"Okay I love you" >Dont say it back >"Did you hear me?" >"I gotta go" >Few days later I tell the girl I can't do this anymore >Tired of it being a 95/5 thing >Freaks out, >"Oh I love you so much, I only want you" >"Whyd you fuck someone else then?" >"Fix your shit then fucking get back to me, you literally caused me so much mental pain im fucking done" >Hang up >Happily in love now, shit does get better /b/ros >Just know when to leave,and know when to stay
>>724868747 it's ok /b/ro >>724868847 I'd rather come off as a happy memory and not fuck myself just incase she moves out here. I'll still talk to her, but with the creeping feeling that she'll never be mine.
Just silently trying to better myself. Slowly building the confidence to talk to a girl I just realized I've had a fucked up crush on / off for about 10 years on. Trying to alpha a little bit more often.
>>724869641 It does happen man it really does! My problem was that I was settled for what I had and was very stubborn about change. A lot of my friends and family always told me she was a bit fit but I went with my heart not my mind which is sometimes not good. You just have to open yourself up to other options dude, youll find someone man just give it time, everybodys got someone out there waiting for em :)
>grandma tells me I can always be honest with her >"Anon, would you say you're a happy person?" >"Uh, yeah" I lie through my teeth >"You seem like a happy person." >yeah...I do >A day hasn't gone by in the past 3 years where I haven't thought of suicide
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