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ITT: Your Most Fucked Up Pickup Lines. No copypastats. pic

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 201
Thread images: 29

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ITT: Your Most Fucked Up Pickup Lines.
No copypastats.


pic not related.
>>
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roses are red, violets are blue... I have a gun get in the fucking van
>>
>>724749025
"sit on my face so I can eat my way into your heart"

Best valentines card I ever gave out
>>
*Smell a girl* I smell that you are in season want to breed?
>>
(cashier at a store)
Cashier: Did you find everything?
Me: No, there was actually something I couldn't find. I thought I might find it up here.
C: What are you looking for?
Me: Your number.
(she called security and I had to be escorted out)
(I'm not allowed back at that store any longer)
>>
We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.
>>
you're oppressing me by not dating me
>>
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>>724749278
>>
>>724749025
You must have fallen from the heavens because you don't look human.
>>
"Hey sweety, I wrote you a poem...I know you like guys, so why is my dock dry"
>>
>>724749130
well fuck. already lost
>>
I once was at a party and saw that a girl had scars on her thighs and I said something like:

>I couldn't help but notice the scars on your legs
>oh.. haha.. yeah, I-
>I'd love to see if you have more

Long story short she gave me a bj while I fingered her. She thought I was into emo shit like her but didn't realize I was just drunk and was being kind of autistic by blurting things out.
>>
Back home, the sand is so coarse. Here, everything is so soft.... like you.
>>
>>724750247
... Isn't that from Skyrim?
>>
>>724750247
You're thinking of "may warm sands greet your feet." My worst pickup line was used by Anakin in Star Wars ep.II.
>>
>>724750486
SWE2
>>
>>724750247
I don't like sand. It's coase and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
>>
>>724749314
/edgy/
>>
Have you got any neckbeard in you?

Would you like some?
>>
are you a toaster? because i'd like to fuck you ?
>>
"would you like some cocaine"

"i have cocaine"

"cocaine"
>>
>>724749247
stealing this friendo
>>
>>724749273
kek
>>
>>724749314
toplmao
>>
>>724749707
10/10
>>
Do you go turkey shooting?....
You gobble & i shoot
>>
>>724751116
noice.
>>
>Can I smell your pussy?
>No?
>Then it must be your feet.
>>
Is that a phone in you back pocket? Cus that ass is calling me.
>>
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"This penis is going in that vagina. You decide if you want to be in the paper tomorrow"
>>
>>724751206
Are you a toaster? because i'd like to take a bath with you
>>
>>724749025
"Did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from someone's arsehole into the toilet bowl you piece of shit."
>>
>>724750030
this isnt a fucking ylyl
>>
hey babe, ready to turn this fun time into a rape?
>>
>>724749278

>Her: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
>Me: Well, I couldn't seem to find your number anywhere

Also at stores where they use your phone number for discounts and stuff:
>Her: CVS card or phone number?
>Me: (give phone number). Okay, now what's yours?

these actually work for me. Just saying.
>>
your hair smells nice
>>
>>724750905
and and and
take 10th grade english kiddo
>>
>go up to a girl at the bar
>ask to buy her a drink
>once she drinks it bet her you guys will fuck in the next 20mins
>when she gets angry and tells you to fuck off
>ask her so you don't want the antidote? And walk off with a smile.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suvhsVeL6mE
>>
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Dick
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5B0RvNcqWE&sns=tw
>>
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>>724750030
>hyuk hyuk
>>
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>>724753864
Clearly he added the irritating later and didnt change the and for a ,.
>>
AYY GURL WHEN YOU GONNA LET ME CLAP DEM CHEECKS?
>>
>>724749025
Hi, Im white trash, wanna buy me a drink?
>>
>>724754233
whats worse?
He misquoted star wars or he hasn't finished 10th grade?
>>
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd fuck you right in the mouth.
>>
hi are you single?
>>
Excuse me, miss. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
>>
*walk up to women of choice*
Q: Did it hurt?
A: Did what hurt?
Q: When you fell off that high horse where you thought I'd put in more effort to fuck you, did it hurt?
>>
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M'lady, if my dick died, might I bury it in thine asshole?
>>
>>724754509
Are you a bot pushing narrative by use of negative false opinion? anon modded the text because he edited.
he didnt fix the grammar after.

Pro tip, your newfag shows when you dont use argumentation on 4chan.
>>
Everything Timbaland says in this song

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0J3vgcE5i2o
>>
Is that an F5 on your pants, because I want to tor your zozzle
>>
Nobody's said it yet and this IS a thread on /b
so....
>I'd drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie.
>>
>>724755287
What about...
>I'd bury my dick so deep in your ass, whoever removed it would be crowned king arthur
>>
If loving you is wrong,
I'd still like to be right but with my dick inside you.
>>
>>724749025
da fuck gimme that sauce bitch
>>
Nice shoelaces, wanna fuck?
>>
>>724755469
too chivalrous for me personally
>>
Hey baby are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids up in you. [friend told this one to me]
>>
I heard you're one of those girls who can start a car by sucking the exhaust pipe
>>
>>724749025

> 20-year-old me working at a video store
> spots a 4/10 girl walking in store
> figure she wouldn't say "no"
> or at least would be a bit flattered and not totally reject me
> she comes to the counter
> now I am nervous as fuck
> y tho?
> I don't fucking know
> all this pressure on my shoulders to not get rejected by a 4/10 girl
> puss out with any line and decide to do transaction as normal
> feel it slipping away -- fuck it
> "d-do you want free videos?"
> "what?"
> "you don't have to p-pay"
> "what?"
> "can I have your phone number?"
> bitch leaves videos on counter and leaves
>>
>>724749025
My love for you is almost as big as my desire to die.
>>
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Hey babe, are you a mathbook?
Because it looks like you have a lot of fucking problems.
>>
>>724755151
I never really got this whole newfag thing.
Ive been here for 7 years off and on and I dont think im particularly new but im not a oldfag.
New term limbofag?
>>
>>724756050
>>
>>724753690

this is a good pickup line. gonna use this.
>>
>>724753879
>mfw she calls the cops
>>
>>724756339
>>
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>>724756339
it's all yours, my friend
>>
You're so fuckin sexy I'm gonna fart right in your fuckin mouth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg9z1fnn94w
>>
One of my favorites,
Ive got a knife and my dick, you choose which goes in.
>>
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>Con ese culo, cagame en pecho y decime Marta!

Traslate
>>
>be me
>drunk
>walks to corner store where a 6/10 and guess her friend 4/10 chilling smoking.
>walk right up start small talk
>she smiles and friend is digging the convoy too
>*drunk balls activate*
>*move in a little closer to her right side*
>"oh wow that looks heavy let me hold that for you"
>*placing her hand into mine*
>she smiles and blushes and let's me hold her hand
>her friend looks
>"awww. That was slick!" She says
> got both their numbers
>went to their place because they were roommates
>had three some
>cashmoney.jpeg
>>
>>724749278
> that happened
>>
>>724755469
>not berry
>>
>>724753785
The first thing in this thread that isn't autistic
>>
>>724751358
KOKAREENE?!
>>
>>724749025
Sause u faggot
>>
>>724749025
sauce to this GIF motherfuckers, its for national security reasons, im with the MI5
>>
>>724757614
>>724757605
No sauce found in other thread.
>>
>>724757177
Do u remember how u started the conversation? Or any line of what u said?

My problem is how to start the talk, because the rest comes alone
>>
>>724757177
>As if
>>
>Talking to sisters hot friend
>She is kinda flirty but not known for being open to dating
>Decide to take my chances
>Get full confidence boost mode
>Listen to motivational music for an hour
>Finally grow the pair
>Walk in to my sisters room where she was chilling while my sister was picking up a third friend
>Completely choke up
>Turn red
>"Uh hey... Ask my sister, she'll tell you I can eat pussy like a fucking legend, can we?"
>>
>>724753549
Lol
>>
>>724749025
Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?
>>
>>724749025
I had a friend who would literally just ask "wanna fuck?" right out the gate. No hello, no nothing. You would be fucking shocked at how often it worked.
>>
You sure have good thumbnails
>>
>>724757756
Real simple start with something about how nice it is out tonight, then wing it a bit compliment her shirt or her hair, look for tattoos, or something you can have in common, when in a group talk to everyone but keep looking at your target. Smile gently, have a low key god complex.
>>
AT THE BAR
Guy: Do you know karate?
Girl: Why because you think my bodies kicking?
Guy: No because im going to kick your ass in the parking lot later.
>>
>>724749025
Is your name Sandy Hook, cuz I'm about to shoot some kids in you,
>>
>>724749025
Did you know there are over 200 bones in the human body?
Want one more?
>>
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Me: hey want to dance?
Her: no!
Me: no, you misheard me I said you look fat in those pants.
*moon walk away*
>>
Me: wanna play the rape game?
Her: ew no...
Me: that's the spirit!
>>
>>724758310
Jesus christ that's fucked. I wasn't gonna see logan anyway, but if i was planning on it that'd be fucking killer
>>
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my pickup line is a direct command that is irresistible to the feminine sexual stimulization construct
blow to me
>>
Guy: Are you from Jamaica?
Girl: Why because im Jamaicanya crazy?
Guy: No because your black and you smell like shit.
>>
>>724757744
I know irs somewhere on xhamster the sause has been found before
>>
>>724758329
Thanks anon, I will try
>>
>>724757614
>>724757605
Merilyn Sakova
>>
You wanna come back to my parents house and meet my cats?
>>
>>724758329
>look for tattos or something you can have in common

1. Tattoos=tramps
2. Tattoos=trashy
3. Tattoos went out of fashion (if you can call it that at all, given that it was just losers trying to be different, now all the same=losers) like 15 years ago.
4. Only losers dress up their skin like pirates. A woman who is that trashy is going to have a stinky, diseased cunt.
5. Enjoy your AIDS.

Btw, lol if this is "in common" with you, loser. No go make me another cup of coffee, permanent barrista boi.
>>
this >>724760391
what kind of fucked up bimbo gets a fucked up ink guy to draw fucked up shit on her skin?
bet the pussies real clean
>>
>>724749314
>>
Excuses are like assholes

I want to shove my dick in your excuse
>>
>>724758329
Is there internet in the trailer park now anon?
>>
"roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is down, your Facebook will do."
>>
>>724749273

Uguuu creepy but what does season mean?
>>
>>724760391
I will! Thank you so much for your kind words! How many dicks do take in your latte?
>>
>>724760659
I'm sure they do. Why not ask your mom?
>>
>>724760391
Why are you so buttblasted? It's embarrassing anon. Did you get cucked by some guy with tattoos?
>>
>>724760738
Not on period.
>>
>>724758273
This. The words don't matter all that much anons, it's something she either sees in you or she doesn't. It's almost primal idk.
>>
>>724760776
>How many dicks do take in your latte?
Just straight coffee, faggot, and the only "dick" is the one fetching it for me. Here's a quarter for your plastic tip glass you fucking loser. Be sure to kill self soon now, k?
>>
>>724755028
kek, fagit
>>
Hello female, are you ovulating? Because you seem oddly attractive to me.
>>
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>>724756050
>average /b/tard

tfw you are me
>>
>>724760933
not him, but you >>724760776
>>724760871
>>724760933
are the one who seems buttblasted by your replies

btw, he has a point you know
tattooed women in general tend to be nasty and cheap whores who lack personal hygiene
hard to argue otherwise
and yeah, tattooes are so 00's
they look dumb now
>>
>>724760933
Riiight! Must be some 25+ year old kiss less Virgin neckbeard fadora waring cuck, who obviously wants cartoon pussy from my little pony. Wat a fag!
>>
>>724749025
Hey girl, are you a punching bag? Because I'd love to ram my fist into you for an hour or two
>>
>>724761085
Sounds great brother! And thanks for the tip, I'll be sure to be giving your mother my tip tonight as well! Glad to hear you like your coffee like your men!
>>
>>724749314
You're trying to make girls have sex with you, not laugh and/or cringe and go sleep with Tyrone
>>
>>724751116
underrated toast
>>
>>724761443
>You're trying to make girls have sex with you
Nah I gave up.
>not laugh and/or cringe
Heh good enough.
>>
>>724749025
"Fuck girl do you play the recorder? Because you have some hot crossed buns."
>>
>>724761240
To each his own I guess, I'm not butthurt at all, just stiring up grumps! It's entertainment
>>
>>724761169
Lol!
>>
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If I asked you to sleep with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?
>>
>>724761794
did you really find that funny?
>>
Your blood on my dick or your blood on my knife, choose one.
>>
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>>724761596
Just because one says no, doesn't mean they all will. Got to dig through mud and dirt before you find gold.
>>
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I bet you one rape that you wouldn't want me to rape you right now
>60% of the time, it works every time
>>
>>724756961
With that ass shit in my chest and call me Marta
>>
>>724761920
Probably because I'm high as fuck
>>
>>724762133

Haha! Good point, Lori. How is your night going?
>>
>>724762246
Bananas
>>
Chicks like corny pick ups if they are cleaver enough, just be smooth. Don't be a fag and get all scared. Man up.
>>
>>724749025
I would like to put my penis in you
>>
>>724762683
We're looking for pick up lines to use on girls, not the things you tell most men
>>
>>724753864
The repetition of a conjunction (such as "and") is a rhetorical literary device known as polysyndeton. It emphasizes a point and the sheer number of aspects of that point.
>>
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Meeting her tomorrow
>>
>>724749025
Myrtle Beach...... Summer 94.."Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't I know you? "
>>
>>724763879
bad fuck off
>>
>>724763809
holee fuck
>>
NIGGERS TONGUE MY ANUS
>>
>>724753727

Girl- No..
Guy- Thats the spirit!
>>
>>724749025
Have you ever wanted to know what it's like to be in ten dumpsters at the same time?
>>
>>724753879
Haah!
Funny story...
At the bar with girlfriend. I go take a piss and while I'm gone some guy walks up and asks if he can buy her a drink. She says "sure" and asks for a whiskey coke (my drink).
I walk up and put my hand on her waste as she hands me the drink.
This guy scowls at me and walks off and I didn't know what had happened. She tells me the story and we both Lol as I sip my drink.
>>
>>724749025
I have a 12 inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears
>>
>>724764377
>>>724763879 (You)
>bad fuck off
So bad it worked..... Before I said it I asked if they wanted to hear the most fucked up pickup line, and if they couldn't reply in 5 seconds they had to chill with me and my battle buddy for the evening.... Point being, sometimes a fucked up pickup line can be an awesome icebreaker...and fuck off
>>
>>724749025
You are fucking gorgeous! The only way you could look better is with my fat cock in your mouth
>>
>>724758981
You should see it, anon.
They finally did Logan justice by making his last movie R-rated, and a fucking awesome one, at that.
Definitely worth the money.
Plus you get to see a little girl main dozens of people.
>>
>>724749025
Sauce on the gif anyone?
>>
Normally I'm not into fat girls, but I think I can make an exception
>>
>>724754727
Underrated
>>
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I don't even wanna fuck,
Just let me cum in your shoe.
>>
>>724749692
Kek
>>
"I'm not a delivery guy, but I bet I can cum in 15 minutes or less"
>>
>roses are red
>violets are twisted
>spread your legs, bitch
>you're about to get fisted
>>
how much?
>>
>>724755191
I love this song
>>
>>724767539
10/10 you must be drowning in snatch Anon
>>
>>724768262
fgt
>>
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>>724761443
What are you saying, my friend? I think the pickup line was top kek ;)
>>
>>724768313

The song is nostalgic for me... I don't normally listen to stuff like that.
>>
>>724749025
Getthelube.com
>>
>>724768751
fair enuf, still a fgt tho
>>
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>>724749025
>>
>>724768798
Is it too hard to spell words out, faggot?
>>
>>724768910
its late im tired sue me ngr fgt
>>
>>724768959
Just go to sleep already.
>>
I normally just say hey or make a joke about something during that time. I'm assuming we're talking face to face here.

But I guess you're all so incredibly ugly to get a response back. Then from there you let your charisma, jawline, and pearly whites do all the work. The icebreaker/pickup is the most useless shit ever. Only uggos worry about it.
>>
>>724769120
im close i hate tossing ang turning i sut it down like as i am passing out usually around 1:30 west coast time
>>
>>724758363
>>724759058
Kek
>>
>See two females
>You might not be perfect alone, but you add up to a 10/10
>>
>>724761415
We got a real internet tough guy here. Whats your K/D in Black Ops 2, Pussy Magnet?
>>
>>724769797
Same as hitlers
>>
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>>724768898
/fit/
>>
>>724770113
So exaggerated and not enough to finish the job. I asked about your K/D and you described your dick.
>>
>>724761892
Sneaky bastard!
>>
>>724749278
You must be one ugly fucker if that happenend!
>>
>>724750218
kek
>>
>>724755469
This one is a classic
>>
>>724752927
Kek
>>
At restraunts I would pick up a sugar packet that just says 'Sugar' on it and say "You dropped your name tag" as I slid it to her.

never really worked, but it was genuinely amusing.
>>
Hey baby do you like dragons?

Coz I'm gonna be dragon my balls across your face later.
>>
yo girl, you from china?
"no"
cas you all that AND dim sum
>>
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face."
>>
>>724755287
>I'd eat a mile of your shit just to see where it came from
>>
Used to have a shirt that said "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" and it would light up under a blacklight. I wore that once to a dance party and a bouncer fucking asked me to take it off or turn it inside out.
>>
>>724749130
That reminds me of something I once anonymously signed in this chick's yearbook my freshman year of HS. "Roses are red / violets are blue / just like you'll be / when I strangle you"
>>
>>724749025
Does his napkin smell like ether or chloroform?
You look easy. Are you?
I'm feeling generous, I'll let you have sex with me.
Come home with me or I carry your roofied ass home anyway.
I'm drunk enough to consider you hot, let's fuck.
>>
>>724749025
before i got a gf i would go to a club

''hey how old are you''
''16-19''
''then we can make out right?''

worked around 100 times
>>
>>724758310
Fuck u asshole
>>
Hi, can I put my dick up your ass? Why are you being such a bitch?

usually works well for me
>>
>>724749025
don't Fucking MOVE!! Scream and i will put this knife in your throat.....i said fucking shut your mouth....breath through your nose....YOUR NOSE....that's it....good girl.....yeah you like it don't you, you are a fucking whore.....fuck you, i fucking hate you and sluts like you.....you wonder why men do this to you....FUCK YOU....
>>
>>724774256

oh shit waddup boi you must be full of hate
>>
>>724774387
only for myself, i'm the worst.
>>
>>724774428

now thats a healty attitude
>>
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>>724749025
Woke up this morning 5:30 sharp with a blowjob from two bitches, one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. Must have came about a quart of sperm. They wanted more, cockslapped them unconcious, I had to hit the gym. Frontflipped from my 14th floor loft into my valet parked 2014 Ferrari (I got connexions) and gave the valet 3000$ in loose change. Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at the gym in no time. When I entered, the room scent suddently changed from sweat to wet pussy. That;s just the effect I have on hoes. Did my usual relax routine, 6000 push-ups, 8500 crunches, bench pressed 30 plates, etc. etc. you know the drill. After doing my shit in 16 minutes, my super strong senses got in action, I was smelling pussy. I looked up, and sure enough this fly honey was coming towards me. When i say fly, I mean that bitch was fine as a fucking umbrella. 18 years old, 44DD titties on a tight fucking frame. I mean a real skinny bitch, the type you losers jack off to, she didnt weigh more than 5 pounds. Took out my trouser monster and she started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. Then I gave it to her while all the guys were giving me high fives and all the hoes were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Made the slut beg for my cum, but I didnt give it to her to prove a point, I still came but only compressed air came out, imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. Didnt say nothing, hopped back in the Lambo and went back home. Now I'm sitting here, drinking 15 000$ champagne and eating gold plated sushis made by the 2 bitches from earlier. Its only 6:30 and I did more in 1 hour than you faggots will do your whole life. Enjoy jacking off to stupid drawn pictures.
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hello little boy would you like to buy some drugs
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