>>720110163 My opinion: no. Only maybe rare, rare cases of a child who is just out of control disrespectful and violent.
I know some people got beat and turned out "fine" but honestly there is a pattern of aggression... Plenty of people are "fine" who did NOT get beat. I think it instills fear instead of respect. So even if it makes a child act right, it's for the wrong reasons and causing mental trauma.
>>720110549 Same. I was just on fb and in the comments there was a heated debate. all these people saying "i got my ass whooped and it taught me respect and I turned out fine" but I just don't agree with it.. I don't think it is causation just coincidence. most people whether they got beat or not believe they turned out "fine" ya know?
>>720110604 but does a rough childhood actually make you stronger in a good way? I had a rough childhood but I never really got my ass beat (spanked when I was like 3-4 then it stopped). My brother got beat pretty bad though by my step dad, and humiliated because he used to wet the bed... he had some weird punishments that seemed cruel and unusual imo. anyway.... He ended up on meth for a few years, just recently got clean. but he is such a sweet honest and respectful person. so am I though.. and I didn't fall into drugs like he did
he also had a stutter that didn't go away until high school.
>>720110163 If you are a troglodite whose intellect and emotional self-control are so inferior that you can't find another, more reasonable and mature way of teaching your child good behaviour, than sure, beat the shit out of him, you moron
It honestly depends on too many factors, I think that if you resort to slapping as a regular punishment then you're being a lazy parent who takes the easy way to get the kids listen to you. Anything more than slaps are avoidable in any case IMO. That said, there are kids who literally can't behave well unless they will get slapped every time they cross the line.
Tl;Dr violence isnt necessary in most of the cases.
>>720110623 I mean clearly there's a difference because of the amount of pain you're inflicting... but what is the difference as far as discipline? either way, you are using pain and dominance to make a kid do what you want.
>>720110851 if you can read, I said I don't agree with it.
I agree with you completely. I think talking to your kid like a person works because they ARE persons. telling a kid you are disappointed goes a long way... at least in my experience growing up. but what do i know i don't have any kids yet, maybe not all kids can be talked to...? i just wanna hear from someone who was beat as a kid who defends it.. wanna hear the other side
I got beaten up a few times for doing stupid shit, but there were also times when I got the shit kicked out of me just because my mom was mad that day or something.
So I was confused about when and why I deserved it, and I came to the conclusion that I'd never hit my kids beyond the occasional smack on the bum if they really needed to be stopped from doing something.
>>720110885 >there are kids who literally can't behave well unless they will get slapped every time they cross the line. Do you really think that is true though, or have they just not been raised correctly to begin with? What makes a child who listens and respects elders vs a child who doesn't. like what is the root of that problem
My little brother on the other hand didn't got beat once and is 14 years old and cries about the everything and can't even make food himself, he gets everything he wants, every game, just because he will cry and scream otherwise
I on the other hand, since my parents where working all day, was home alone, had to make my homework alone, make me something to eat alone and the only time I got a new game was when I had birthday or on christmas
>>720110163 like your picture, no. no kid deserves a shiner
i see nothing wrong with spanking with a hand when its warranted.
i grew up getting spanked with the metal handle of a fly swatter, never hard enough where i couldn't sit down afterwards, but hard enough where it fucking stung.
i feel sorry for the kids today with the mental punishments that replaced physical punishments, when i was whacked on the ass for doing something it was over right after, and i knew what i did to deserve it. people wonder why kids today are medicated for shit that didn't exist when they grew up.
it also taught me that when you hit someone, it causes that person pain so my actions have negative consequences.
>>720110163 My dad beat me a bit. He felt bad for doing it of course. But despite what you think it does the job. I kept me quiet and behaved. Sure it was out of fear but it still did the job. He only started beating me when I was like 16 for some reason but then he soon stopped since I was getting stronger than him and he was getting out of his prime while I was getting in my prime. Go spanked by my mom when I was little and that really it. it didn't change shit though. Maybe for like 10 minutes but after 10 minutes I'd still be a brat. I still am. Like my dad.
>>720110885 >esort to slapping as a regular punishment This A spanking when I was young was like the worst punishment I could be subjected to so the threat of it meant I was in big trouble. My parents also did the wash your mouth out with soap thing to my older sisters. I never really talked back to my parents so it wasn't something I ever experienced. We joke about it now that we're all adults but the spanking and soap thing really stressed the trust we had for our parents
>>720110163 Not in the face with your fist! Jesus m8, if they act up you just stick your dick in their mouths and start hitting their bums, it feels so good when they gum you and they learn their lesson real quick
Depends. My son I never hit, but my daughter I would often have bending over, her skirt pulled up over her head and panties around her ankles, he soft pink bottom ready for a spanking. If she'd been really naughty I'd lay her over my lap like this too.
>>720111040 Personally I've seen a girl aged 6-7 I think, her family would come to eat every week where I work, she clearly had some real problems, maybe was autistic or something, but she would scream, cry because of stupid shit, communicate like a baby and fight everytime to get an extra toy in her meal even though she was denied every time over a YEAR. When she get extra bad her father would slap her butt, nothing serious but she then would at most cry silently for a few minutes and stop behaving like a monkey. I don't think it was caused by bad parenting since her parents weren't enablers or looked like idiots, just some kids are extremely hard to discipline.
Nah man. Better for everyone to avoid hitting. The occasional spaking never did any harm, though.
In general, violence does not teach anything to the one being hit.
On the other hand, a sibling who sees a brother (or sister) being punished, might learn, and define themselves as opposed to the attitude of the person being punished... like, look at that moron, when he could have avoided this if only...
If I had a child or two they would not only respect me but they'd fear me. I'd rarely hit them though. I'd make the fear me just from me being angry. People already fear me when I get angry how can kids not fear me when I'm angry yet not harming anyone?
>>720110163 To late to 'inb4; Touching your kid in any way shape or form is horrendous child abuse and you should kill yourself'?
Anyway, kids should be tough there are necessarily consequences to their actions, and if they where to hurt someone else out in the real world, that someone else might hurt them back. Teaching a Child that there aren't necessarily consequences to their actions only negatively reinforces the notion that they are immune or above punishment and/or other people. Just look how the current generation turned out.
>>720110240 I can agree with this to a point. Idk and again it may be the way I was raised. And the structure from the military but respect comes from fear...to a degree. If I meet someone knew I'm going to respect them in the sense of not being a dick to them. But if I fear that you can do some kinda of damage. Not just physical. Things like adverse actions. Punishments that could cost me my job then yeah I'm gonna have some respect for you as well. Like I said I get both sides of it.
>>720110163 No. My dad used to abuse me and beat the shit out of me from childhood all the way until I was 21. It made me beta and cowardly as fuck. All the while I did not learn anything from this and wondered the whole time why I was being kicked and hit with whatever he could get his hands on. Until I moved and learned the hard way to stick up for myself.
>>720110163 I've only spanked my kid a few times, it really put the fear of it happening again. All I have to do now is say "I'm going to whop your ass" and he snaps right to. The problem I have with him now is lying, I can't get him to stop and if I catch that little shit lying to me one more time he is going to get it.
>>720111233 >This is a boring conversation. I thought there would be people on both sides creating an actual debate but everyone is just agreeing that we shouldn't hit our kids hahaha. wtf is wrong with b tonight /b/ has really changed since Trump was elected. IMO, so many things are improving the trolls that usually have fun pissing people off are in a state of grieving that shit is not fucking up as much as it used to be. The trolls thrive of these problems. My take is that the community here will turn over by at least 50% in the next year. Hell, when things really improve by end of this year, a few trolls will off themselves as a final protest as the rest of us go on. Expect LOTS of suicides protests blaming Trump on Facebook Live and other streaming services in the new few months.
>>720112076 Lying for a child is a short term gain, long term loss deal. We know they are doing it, but can't always act upon it. However the child receives long term deficit of the parent's affections.
Depending on age, try to impress upon him/her that most of the time, being honest is actually far more beneficial. As the short term punishment for an act will be less severe because they choose to act morally and be truthful, and long term receive more affection from the parent.
TlDR; Teach child to use words better, happy parents buy more candy.
>>720112393 I like it, evil as fuck! I do like to fuck with him, like tell him to do something like clean his room.. when he is done i go in and inspect and say I told you to clean your closet out! He just looks at me all confused like WTF!
>>720112408 Not, giving my ADHD ODD child candy.. He is not on meds I refuse to do that to him. I am trying to keep his diet good when he is at my house, good food and no junk seems to help along with the occasional ass kicking.
I'm all for spanking. My parents wouldn't hesitate to spank any of us and it immediately put us in our place. I also watched as my aunt who lived down the street wouldn't raise her hands to her children and they turned out like a bunch of disrespectful little shits. Now as everyone has gotten older her children have thanked my parents for being harsh on them and giving them a little bit of structure. At times for me yes I think my parents may have went over board but I was a horrible kid. I don't resent or hate them for it at all. It put things into perspective and I learned that I couldn't go through life being a fucking cunt to everyone.
>>720112453 Too add I always save my huge morning fart for when I walk past his bedroom in the morning and let that fucking thing rip or when I have a huge one I wait till he is near and fart has hard as i can.
>>720110163 every child is different and every child responds differently to different punishments, so spanking works as a deterrent with some children, and others it has no effect. Learn your children and decide for yourself.
Got my degree in psychology and was taught that physical punishment is wrong and doesn't work. I now have kids and know that shit is not always true. My experience with my boys and hearing stories from other parents causes me to arrive at the conclusion that girls will rarely if ever require physical punishment to remain manageable. Boys, however, are hardwired to toe the line and push the envelope and just generally cause mayhem if left unchecked. My boys are 7 and 5 and physical punishment is never needed for 7 year old now. He does bad shit sometimes but he's self-policing now. Thinks before he acts. The 5 year old is getting there but still needs the occasional pop. Both are model children in public and behave very well. Most kids I observe in a public setting are poorly behaved and the parents just stand there letting their kids walk all over them, looking helpless.
>>720111344 I mean maybe my memory is foggy but as a kid I remember "talks" being the only thing that worked for me.. I was very reasonable and my worst fear was that my parents were mad at me or disappointed in me. that alone would guilt me into doing the right thing (most of the time). If it didn't...I would at least try my best to hide it from my parents lol
>>720112538 The candy was a metaphor What i'm talking about is laying the foundation for social engineering. Teaching the child the life skills of interacting with people positively to achieve the best result. That words used right are far more effective than words used to lie.
>>720112725 I always find it funny when I see parents just screaming at their kids (ghetto fucks) and the kids are wild as shit. One time, I told a lady that if it was my kid they would have a sore ass and my 11 year old laughed at her and nodded his head.. shit was funny.
>>720112679 I don't respect anyone unless they earn my respect first. Of course I'm nice to others at first but if they get on my bad side you're in for trouble. I'm mostly happy. I didn't fear my dad much. I could hit him back but I just don't hit my family. I couldn't if I tried. I'm a tough strong guy so seing someone bigger than me is a bit rare but when I see them the feeling is mutual. I don't respect them but I'm nice to them like I'm nice to others. At 16 I probably could take on my big man but I thought I was better off just trying block as many punches as possible and do as I was told till the next day. The guy could pack a punch when he was angry. I guess that's where I got it from. He apolagised for hitting me in the end though so it's fine.
>>720112725 My thought every time I'm in public and see some off the wall little shit is to beat their ass. As children we would not get away with acting fools in public especially being that there were 5 of us and only my mother. She wouldnt hesitate one second to lay that ass beating down. And it's even worse in public cause that shit will embarrass the fuck out of you. Hell I remember getting my ass beat in front of this chic that I had a huge crush on in the 4th grade because I yelled faggot. Guess what I never said around my parents again?
>>720111451 how do you view/treat people now that you're an adult? Do you have respect for people? Do you fear people stronger/more powerful than you? Do you find yourself pushing around people who are smaller/less powerful than you? If you have a pet, have you ever hit it as part of training it?
>>720111753 But she continued doing it every time... sounds like it didn't actually change her behavior and instead just made her afraid to keep doing it in that moment
>>720110163 Well, I acted up as a kid, kids are like that, I was a brat and said and did bad shit, but my parents never hit me. You can punish kids in other ways, but hitting them doesn't do anything but hurt them the wrong way I mean, you chose to have a shitty kid, you chose to raise it wrong, and actually kids do grow up and mature. You don't act how you did when you were 8, reinforce good behavior to encourage it, don't fucking slap your kid
Now if kids fight, that's fine. They'll learn that shit on their own, I'm not against kids getting hurt, I'm against adults hitting kids.
>>720112935 none, the only person i have ever hit out of anger was my older sister growing up (she wasn't a girly girl).
i was a chubby kid growing up (normal by todays standards) got picked on for it but it never got physical, i just said something back and everyone laughed at my comeback.
last time someone gave me shit was almost 17 years ago when i was 21 at a bar, i called them out and they said they didn't fight people who wore glasses. the next month i started wearing contacts, that person never ran their mouth to me again for some reason.
i'm white too so its not like people are automatically afraid of me.
>>720111830 I find that independence is something you just have or you don't. Some people crave being independent and automatically take pride in taking care of themselves, others are naturally entitled and feel that people owe them something. I don't think it has to do with how you're raised because two siblings from the same home can be opposite.
I would try to find a way to positively enforce independence. Never cater to him (don't make him food, don't buy him anything) make him work for what he wants. If he complains, ask him why he feels entitled. Ask him why he thinks you should have to do that for him and tell him to give you a real reason. maybe he'll think about it and realize how stupid is it to expect anything from anyone
>>720112950 respect has to be the most fedora word in 2017
who the FUCK cares about "your respect"? who the FUCK wants to "earn your respect" ? you're treating it like it's this catch all term that means "I won't treat you civilly until I know you're worth it" and that's so fucking euphoric it makes me sick i know niggers aren't worth "respect" but I still say "please" and "thank you" because I'm a decent person, i'll go on /b/ later and recall how fucking bad they stank
>>720113089 >how do you view/treat people now that you're an adult? Do you have respect for people? Do you fear people stronger/more powerful than you? Do you find yourself pushing around people who are smaller/less powerful than you? If you have a pet, have you ever hit it as part of training it? I'm about as normal as somebody who goes on /b/ can be. I hit my dog for peeing on the floor though
>>720112950 so... your dad regrets it. you sound like you are angry about it, considering the fact that you thought about "I could probably take on my big man but I was better off blocking punches" It just sounds passive aggressive, like there was no lesson to be learned and you were just numb to it by that point so you let it happen and went on with your life with no real morals that came from those experiences
>>720113023 I think they said only children were very likely to be successful.. their main flaw was about "give and take" since they never experienced sibling rivalry or having to share as much, so for example in relationships they aren't as willing to compromise with their partners
>>720112600 but did they spank you for being a fucked up kid... or were u a fucked up kid because they spanked you...? lol that is my question. seems like a lot of fucked up kids are the ones whose parents use corporal punishment at home, and I'm trying to decide what came first the chicken or the egg
>>720113183 Sure i can't argue that it happens from lazy or shitty parenting often. In my experience as being spanked as a child, I was always asked if what i had done was an accident or on purpose, and given every encouragement to explain why I did what I did. From this I learn to use my words well, to resolve conflict, to communicate effectively and to accept responsibility for my actions (morality) I was never punished unfairly, and given the freedom to accept the spanking on my own terms. This is teaching real life skills, as clearly there are waves of adults who lack these basics.
I got beaten quite severely as a kid by my father, who had a real anger management problem. It had a terrible effect on me - I developed a stutter and also a weight problem. Between the three, you can imagine how much fun my childhood was.
I will add this though: I got an early, unexpected, uninvited look at just how bad life can get. The lows that your life can end up in. It turned me into a fighter, and now I have everything - a great job, a great home, a great life. I'm sure as hell never going back to the pit of misery that I know that life can be.
>>720113032 I mean but don't you think all kids go through a phase and grow out of it?
for example, a 3 year old will throw a tantrum at the supermarket because they saw a toy or candy and you tell them no. they might kick and scream and cry all the way home. I don't think beating them makes them outgrow the phase any faster. Some parents would spank the child, then when the kid turns 5 they're like "see it worked" but in reality, the kid just outgrew the brat phase. kids who weren't spanked outgrew it as well, at the same rate. people like to think their parenting made the kid change from a brat to a saint but I think kids just take time to outgrow brat hood especially toddlers.
>>720113499 i know i can beat someones ass, i grew up with a sister who threw punches and got spanked with the metal end of a fly swatter and thus now have a high tolerance to pain.
i'm almost 38 and can still bench 350lbs easily. but i also know if i punch someone in the face it either equals possible broken hand, or a broken jaw or eye socket for those i hit. not worth it in todays society when people are sue happy and living in a state where it no longer matters who started it.
i held my ground when confronted, i will hold my ground still but no one confronts me, then again i'm not dick to people.
>>720113936 At 3 years old when the army started this new video chat shit for the wives to see their husbands deployed my mother was the first woman in my fathers company to use it. They had every big wig in there you can think of. Well that was the first time my mother spanked me because I went ballistic and was spitting and pulling the hair of my dads battalion Commander. So I can honestly say that my behavior came first.
>>720110693 That's very true. I didn't get beaten, but I was hit a couple times as a kid. My dad got to a point he couldn't figure out what to do, or my mom got the wooden spoon as a deterrent. But never beaten and had bruises or scars.
I have a daughter and I honestly have never even felt like hitting her. She drives me nuts sometimes, but just talking to her or dispersing the situation by causing a distraction works I find.
I hate when I hear of people literally beating kids so bad that they are scarred physically or bruised and that. I feel they dont deserve a kid in all honesty.
Would you bash the fuck out of your car if it didn't start? Probably not. And if you do, then I'm afraid you have other problems at hand.
>>720114181 Absolutely. There are some things that just come with age. We all can agree on that. But at some point imo that kid needs to be taught that throwing a fit because they didn't get something is not the right reaction. Now that doesn't mean spanking then in my eyes. Everything must be met with the appropriate amount of force. If I child is running around like a fucking ape, being disrespectful and just all out a cunt. Then I'm all for popping that kid in the ass.
>>720113587 >I hit my dog for peeing on the floor though honestly that is like the worst thing you can do lol. I trained my puppy in less than 1 week. it takes a lot of fucking time but if you dedicate one week (preferably be home the whole time) you can do it and will not have to invest any more time. basically take them outside (or wherever they're supposed to go) 2-3 hours. EVERY 2-3 hours, no matter what. encourage them and make it a positive experience, so they enjoy going outside. bring treats. They might not go every time, but they should go at least every other time as they have a small bladder. use the word "potty" so they learn the command. say "you gotta go potty?" etc. don't let yourself sound frustrated. when they go, act ecstatic! tell them they're good and give them treats, be loud and excited and pet them (the second they stop, otherwise they won't know what you're happy about). if your neighbors don't think you're a weirdo, you're not loud and excited enough.
Try to give them like 20 minutes to go before you go back inside (the only way they will learn is if they go outside, positive reinforcement). If they don't go in 20 minutes, go back inside and try in an hour.
during this week, watch them like a hawk. If you see them pee or about to pee inside, you have to stop them in action. punishing them after the fact does NOT work as they don't know what you're mad about. Punishment doesn't work anyway. Basically, if they start to pee just make one loud noise like clap loudly and say "NO" in a firm but not scary voice. Then pick them up (if they're small enough) and immediately bring them outside to the spot where they go. Wait with them until they go outside so you can praise them. It could take an hour. you gotta do it... you gotta put the time in. Never hit/punish them for using the bathroom in the wrong place (they think they are in trouble for using the bathroom, they don't understand that it' because of WHERE they're doing it)
>>720113587 PS if you happen to spot an accident after the fact, do not do anything. it won't fix anything and will just confuse the dog.
Put your dog somewhere where they can't see you picking up the mess (I forget why, but I read that it's important they don't see you cleaning it). Use a spray specifically for dog piss so it doesn't have the smell, otherwise they will be tempted to go in that spot again.
Continue training as normal and just ignore the mistake. It may seem like it's not working but I promise it does. One day he will be trained and you'll be like holy shit it worked! It just takes consistency.
>>720114386 I completely agree.. Like if you don't like how an adult behaves you can't just hit them.. A. it wouldn't work, and B. It's assault lol. Why would it work on kids if it doesn't work on adults? Why is it okay to do to kids if not to adults? It's the same fucking thing. talking is the best way to get through to people, adults and kids
>>720115106 This wasn't me throwing a tantrum about something I couldn't have. Words out of my moms mouth was I couldn't give two shits that my dad was on a video chat. I was literally being a complete fucking asshole and shitting on everyone's day.
>>720114808 Sure it might stop the behavior, but it teaches them to fear you, not respect you. This means they don't view their action as wrong necessarily and instead are just scared of you finding out. They will resent you and possibly act out even more (behind your back, of course) as a form of rebellion That's ok with you?
>>720115291 Yes but my point is that toddlers don't have a sense of right and wrong, embarrassing their parents, etc. They just do whatever the fuck they want lol they don't understand life or consequences (including being spanked). I mean I guess you can spank a toddler to stop the behavior in a situation like that where you don't have options and you need them to behave asap. But overall... no. I think kids grow out of that, and I think it has nothing to do with how much you physically discipline them
>>720115331 I have a little nephew who is 5 years old and he will do exactly what you just told him not to do just to spite you. You can't explain to him why what he does is bad, because he knows. He does it on purpose because it is bad.
There is no respect there, and he deserves to get smacked every time he does that.
>>720115824 You don't think there are other punishments that work?
When I was 4, my parents went through a very messy divorce and I was acting like a shit head. The worst temper tantrum I ever had: My mom took me to a store and I saw a movie I wanted. She said we couldn't afford it and I threw myself on the ground and started screaming and crying like I was being murdered. She literally dragged me out to the car, kicking and screaming all the way home. It didn't stop there. She put me in my room to "cool off". I had just got a play kitchen for Christmas or my bday or something. Apparently, I screamed and cried for over 4 hours, and completely destroyed the kitchen play set, kicking in the oven and shit. My mom said she just continued to ignore me and show no emotion, to teach me that throwing a tantrum doesn't work, and my actions have no effect on her emotions and she will not cave no matter what I do to piss her off. Eventually, I worked myself up so much that I fell asleep red-faced.
When I woke up, I was calm. I remember in the store my mom had told me to "get up because I was embarrassing her" ...I asked her why she gets embarrassed by something I do, since she's not the one who cried. She explained it to me how kids are a reflection of their upbringing. I felt bad about it.
That was literally the LAST tantrum I ever had. I am the least entitled person I've ever met. I got a job at 14, supported myself since 17, never been in a fight (except once when I was jumped), never bullied anyone, always treat people with respect including my parents, never turned to drugs.
>>720116038 My nephew learned the work Fuck when he was 5 or 6 and kept saying it over and over at a family reunion. Everyone was telling him to stop and he thought it was hilarious so he kept saying it louder and louder.
Finally I pulled him aside and told him, "fuck" is a bad word, but you know what's a REALLy bad word?? He got all excited and begged me to tell him, I played along like "idk if you're old enough... idk if you can handle it" "you have to promise you won't say it" finally I said "monkey". He grinned ear to ear and started screaming MONKEY MONKEY instead of fuck.
If it helps raising the child and teaching it not to do something when all else fails, then yes. As long as it's for disciplinary purposes and not a beating. It also depends on the age and on the severity of the offense.
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