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I need help. How do I wipe my ass better? I use a big wad and

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Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 89
Thread images: 11

I need help. How do I wipe my ass better? I use a big wad and my pants still get dirty.
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>>720107557
which technique do you currently use?
>>
It's not a wipe once and forget thing, use fucking wet wipes and get your life together
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>>720107557
Baby wipes.

Perhaps a fucking bidet.

How old are you? Do you have a condition that keeps you from wiping your own ass properly?

Wipe and keep wiping until you're positive there's nothing left. Jesus Christ.
>>
Increase fiber intake so that your bowel movements are solid and not disastrous messes.

For the first couple of wipes, use a swivel motion so that you're not spreading the shit up and down your ass.

Follow up with a standard wipe.
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>>720107557
u can just immediately shower after you poop.
its what i do.

i have not wiped my ass with nasty ass toilet paper since i was like 13 years old. im 23 now. i still get tp and throw it away so roomates and gf dont get suspicious of my non toilet paper using ass tho. dont forget to do that if you use my method.
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>>720107962
Get a bidet.

I'm serious. They sell ones that hook onto toilets.

You can wash your ass without having to take a shower, and waste a lot less shitty water.
>>
>>720108066
that shits retarded.
its like a vape for your ass.
>>
>>720108137
It's retarded to wash the shit out of your ass in the shower.

It's like taking a shower to wipe the shit out of your ass.
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>>720108066
Easy to install?
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>>720107922
I'm 34. I'm able-bodied.
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>>720108491
Clearly not able-minded

You have lived for more than 1/3 of a century without learning to wipe your own fucking ass!
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>>720107557
It's not the quality of your wipes, it's the quality of your diet, and therefore the quality of your shit

start eating fiber- double bowl of raisin bran(LOW sugar, choose a brand that's at least 7 grams fiber per serving) every morning

You will start having no-wipers because the WHOLE TURD WILL COME OUT instead of leaving a little behind which slowly oozes out later.

If you really want to feel clean, get in the shower and wash your ass
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>>720108578
I'm working on it.
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>>720108314
its cleaner than toilet paper.
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>>720107922
>Do you have a condition that keeps you from wiping your own ass properly?

The most common condition with this symptom is morbid obesity.

>Wipe and keep wiping until you're positive there's nothing left.

Won't help if he eats a shitty garbage obeast diet with all simple carbs and no fiber. The problem is incomplete evacuation; there's turd still in there. Wipe deeper and deeper and you'll just rub your anus raw and it will still be brown because you're wiping the piece of shit that's still inside which is like trying to remove a stick of butter by wiping one end of it with a kleenex
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>>720108491
Clearly Not so much with the able-bodied. If not trolling, you should rethink your life.
>>
There's a special kind of hose for cleaning your arse. It's in every bathroom in Saudi, try that you manchild
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>>720108946
My diet is mostly ramen and chips.

My pants (not trolling)
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>>720108635
THIS!

Also, I would take some fiber supplement - I take 10 tablets of psyllium husk every day, and my shits are massive and slides out without leaving a trace now.
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>>720109366
stop eating that shit
if you want your shit to get hard, eat less carbs. Also : shower after you shit
>>
>>720109366
Get a proper diet, you fat fuck
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>>720107557
>americans
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>>720109366
Jesus how do you not stink? Do people make fun of you? They should
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>>720109435
Take it back to /fit/, anon
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>>720109366
Imagine how bad anons room would stink, just imagine that desk chair he sits on all day.
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>>720109366
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>>720109818
fuck /fit/, i'm just using logic
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>>720109366
>>
>>720109433
>10 pills a day when a couple bowls of raisin bran does the same thing and doubles as a meal
>>
>>720109571
He does. All fat people smell like shit, and this is why. They're like fucking toddlers.
>>
>>720109435
>low carb meme
No, take that horseshit and go. Macronucrient hacks are snake oil- the only way to weigh less is to eat less, whether you eat 0% carbs or 100% carbs, it's all calories
>>
>>720109366
You might wanna get that autism checked son.
Not trying to be mean but this is not normal adult behaviour
>>
>>720110777
I will start buying baby wipes.
>>
Taking a shit now... it feels amazing!!!
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>>720107922
I shove baby wipes up my ass and pull them out like a diapenser... and my ass is still dirty.
>>
do you faggots even handheld bidet?
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>>720110777
>>720111088
>>720111099
>>720111177
Apparently this is now a get thread
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>>720108066
Why dont i just install a colostomy bag while im at it its just as crazy as shooting water up my ass. I dont want that water stream spraying my shit all over my genitals then i have a soaking wet ass to deal with.....so i still have wipe it dry lolololololololololo huehuehuehuehuehue wahoooooo!
>>
Well are my pants even salvagable?
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>>720107557
do you wipe standing up or sitting down?
>>
>>720110510
>They're like fucking toddlers.
Except they don't smell like spoiled milk.
>>
Timestamp.

Do you wear underwear?
>>720109366
>>
>>720111676
Oh fuck...
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>>720111611
I try while sitting down.
>>
How's about you actually wear some underwear instead of letting your bare nasty ass rub against your pants. Underwear was made for this exact reason.
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>>720111676
No underwear
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>>720111805
Okay I'll buy some underwear. Are my pants salvageable?
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>>720111814
Why? Jesus christ dude.
Take a pic of your asshole right now so we can see how bad it is.
>>
>>720110510
Hey. Im fat and smell pretty. a spritz of Axe some old spice deoderant and some of those pretty waters from the bath and body store and even fat people smell nice. Black people. Now they smell bad. Not hygiene wise but i can smell the genetics
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>>720111875
Oh double fuck...
>>
>>720107557
Baby wipes, never shit again with out baby wipes.
>>
>>720107557
never trust a fart
>>
Get a fucking wad of toilet paper.
Stand up, bend over and wipe your smelly as crack. Throw the paper in the toilet.
Stay bent over and get another wad of toilet paper and wipe your smelly as crack again.

Do this one or two more times until you don't see your shit on the paper.
>>
>>720111875
This
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>>720111006
But judging from how you shit, this isnt the only thing that youre doing wrong.
You can get like a checklist of daily activities you should do and how to do them properly
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>>720112363
Kek
My 4 year old has a list

Get dressed
Eat breakfast
Brush teeth
When going to the toilet flush and wash hands.
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>>720107557
I was mine with water after every defection. Water works wonders.
>>
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>>720111875
>>
>>720108066
As a person from a developing country that doesn't make much money, bidets are relatively expensive and it would be quite the investment. I'd like one though.
>>
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Well are my pants even salvagable?
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>>720109366
Jesus fucking Christ man
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>>720108635
is his shit literally shit quality?
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>>720112606
You need to powerwash them and keep them in a bleach bath afterwards for a week, then, perhaps. I wouldn't touch them with a 10ft pole. Also shave your ass so you don't get dingle berries.
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>>720112606
OP there is no excuse for this.
Do you even check the toilet paper?
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>>720112472
Found the traitor.
>>
>>720112724
Like, with a high pressure hose?
>>
>>720112817
Idk what I'm doing.
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>>720107557
OP, this is mom. We need to talk
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>>720112606
>thud
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>>720112981
With this
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>>720112952
Go on...
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>>720112098
So fucking true, specially if you have drank in the past 24 hours at all. This past Thanksgiving, I got all ready to go with my wife to her parents went out got in the car warmed it up, wife jumps in. I feel a bubble, I push a bit and shit myself right in my car seat as I back out of the driveway. I put the car back in Drive from reverse and pulled back in. My wife was like what the fuck are yo doing, I just looked over at her and said. I just shit my pants.. I had to run in shower and change my underwear and pants. When I got back to the car she was so disgusted with me all I could do is laugh.
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>>720112606
How do you have shit on your bum cheek?!

What the fuck is even going on in there?!

Also, stop telling him to use baby wipes. Those things form big fucking fatburgs in the sewer.
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>>720113066
Yeah they were just $10 I'll buy anither pair
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>>720113372
I told you I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.
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>>720113253
>she was so disgusted with me
She loved it!
Unless she's an invalid she could have got out of the car while you showered and changed, but she stayed.
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>>720113638
loved it
>me
>>
Do it the muslim and french way......use the fucking bidet or wet wipes.
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>>720113871
>Do it the muslim way
i thought they just used their bare left hand
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Yeah I'm. Switching to wet wipes
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>>720114111

exactly.
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>>720113432
Why don't you know?
What kind of up bringing did you have?
Also who has been doing your laundry in the past?
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>>720114271
I lived with my mom but kinda raised myself. I do my own laundry.
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>>720107557
Are you fucking retard, mate?
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>>720114639
I was in special ed classes in 5th, 8th, 9th, 10th grades...
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shave off your damn ass-hair
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>>720115092
How?
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>>720115177
try one of these nose-razors, they are like 20$; Never had to use one, but the hair is clearly the problem here...
Thread posts: 89
Thread images: 11



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