Relative took me in to try and help me get my life on track. Ive been trying my hardest to help them out and shit like that. Found out they talk about me behind my back. Heard them in the kitchen while i was playing vidya. I expected others to say the things that they did, but not ever in a million years did i expect them to. I cant even trust my own family anymore. I am alone.
>>720056748 Same here, plans always going wrong and the worst part is that you didn't do it wrong it was ruined by someone or something else. I was planning to an hero today but maybe tomorrow, wanna have one last night to think about it.
>>720058614 I'm not so arrogant to believe that all my carefully laid plans are always ruined by someone else, but it has happened. This time around I was basically promised a full time job at a mining company, but now I'm not getting it and I won't be able to afford to stay here anymore.
>>720058874 There's only so much adapting I can do before I feel like I'm wasting my time. This isn't one thing, it's a multitude of things going wrong one after the other.
>>720059764 I didn't say it to imply that you were like that, only that I am fully aware of my own failings. But yes, sometimes you do just get screwed and there's nothing to do about it. I'm tired of trying, I feel like I'm pushing a boulder up a hill only for it to fall down again and again. But I still keep trying to push it up the hill.
A very good friend of mine committed suicide about two years ago after telling me she loved me. I had just gotten into a relationship and doesn't want my girl to see me reply so that i loved her too. I got a chance to talk to her after that.
>>720060824 It doesn't. I just don't see a point to living anymore, so someone understanding the issue brings little comfort. I'll just wake up tomorrow, do the same routine until I get home. I won't have any friends still, no girl. I won't connect with anyone. I can't even make a living to hide myself away and work myself to death.
>>720060840 Wow. I meant to say: A very good friend of mine committed suicide about two years ago after telling me she loved me. I had just gotten into a relationship and didn't want my girlfriend to see me reply to my friend, saying that i loved her too. I never got a chance to talk to my friend after that.
Ya'll sad fucks do know its modern life thats killing you. Its this strange unnatural way of living, thats got you sad. Think about, do the Amish commit suicide? Hippies who live in the woods are never unhappy. You guys at least get that modern life is wrong?
>>720061941 See here you are basing shit on what society says matters. You ain't basing shit on what does matter, I've never been in a relationship my entire life and I'm happy because being in one doesn't matter. I mean sure I'm not a virgin but even if i was I'd still be alright.
I spend a lot of time thinking back to my happier days. I was constantly surrounded by friends, family and others who cared about me. Unfortunately as time progressed, I watched everybody slowly disappear. Heroin ravaged my town and slowly I began to watch both my family and friends drop off one by one. I've lost everything, everyone. My friends who are still alive (if I can even call them that) want nothing to do with me because of my shady past. My remaining family has ostracized me. I want a fresh start, but I'm in too deep to do anything. All in all the one person I miss the most is myself.
>be me >gay >going to college and live in a dorm >but have chronic depression and anxiety >mostly acts up at home >mom is only parent who cares about me >dad is out of state somewhere and haven't heard from him since September >rest of my family don't think it's okay be gay >even though my cousin is also gay and his mom accepts him at least >his mom just has a personal hate for me >lowkey think my mom isn't really okay with it, she's just acting like it >mom still doesn't know i hate myself and want to die >i just try to avoid home >stayed a friend's house over break claiming that i hadn't seen him in forever >didn't even stay the night at my house Christmas night >am too much of a bitch to tell my mom that i hate myself because i think she'd freak out >maybe even withdraw me from college for a while >idk what to do >and idk if i can go on like this sometimes >i'm just scared of what would happen if i did die >how would it affect everyone i know? >any advice, /b/?
>>720062751 >Stay in college >Fuck loads of hot guys >Graduate >Land cool job in liberal town Your probably not even 20. Relax bud shit could get good for you. Shit ain't fucked you got a chance in life. Your young, that matters.
>>720061941 I've never had anyone before. Most of my life i always tried to rationalize how shitty it was by never trying. But for a few years now ive finally 'went after it.' I approached with confidence, made eye contact, didnt stutter, wasnt nervous. Still can't get anyone. Now i got no other way to try and convince myself i have a chance, im simply undesirable to any and every woman. There's not one redeemable quality about me, there is no way i can be attractive or desired. It killed me, I have never even held a hand of a girl. All this repetitive rejection spiraled me into severe depression. I feel so worthless, and there's no way around it. I pray to whatever God there might be to kill my every day, its only a matter of time til i finally have enough and end it all.
>>720059541 One night I had a conversation with my mom the summer before I turned 18. She was drunk, and she started crying and said "I'm so worried about you. You're gonna be here forever. I just want you to fly."
We talked until 2 or 3 AM. I made a promise to change my habits and be successful. I made a promise to get out of my room and find friends. She was so happy, she thought I finally "got it". She seemed so relieved.
It's been 4 years. No friends. No job. Nothing. Tears me up inside because I know it's my fault. She just wanted me to fly.
>>720063172 >>720063381 overall, i'm not that good looking. however, i like to think i'm a likable person. i have a lot of people i like to consider my friends on campus.
However, one of the major problems in the sense of fuck loads of hot guys, is that i go to a small, liberal arts college kinda in the middle of nowhere. about an hour away from St. Louis. just not sure how i'm gonna find a cute boyfriend in a place like this.
I know about, eight gay guys on campus. most of them already have someone, aren't interested in a relationship, or (for one) i'm on bad terms with
>>720063287 Jesus fucking christ anon don't beat yourself up like that have you tried impressing them by learning something cool? Get a hobby, preferably artistic (bitches be all over that shit), get a job, socialize with people at that job, try online dating (instead of just posting a shitty picture of yourself with bad lighting, show yourself doing your previously mentioned hobby)... do something good for yourself and try to get girls while you're doing it. Women need to know you're busy and have aspirations, things you want to do in life. Most of all, never think you're worthless. Even if you are, thinking you're a loser will never help turning you into a winner. Oh yeah, and get in shape if you aren't already.
>>720056303 >>i'd known gril since she was 12 >>she told her mum i was quite good looking >>lost contact >>move forward 8 years >>mate tells me she's got big tits now >>pluck up courage to contact her on fb >>send message >>oh god jpg >>she replies >>don't read message as suffer with bad nerves all day and can't sleep >>imagine nice things will happen >>think of future with grill >>read message >>she basically doesn't reply with anything >>come down from being on cloud nine >>cry like a bitch >>think of anhero
Something that still gets me is when I heard my mother telling my younger sister not to be like me because I was a quitter behind my back, I feel if she had done it in front of me it would have been worse but that is one of the worst moments in my life, my own mother turning on me
>>720063730 Oh, you live in Missouri? Shit man, you just gotta try to get to know more people and remember you won't always be in Missouri. See you at least want to better your circumstances, that shows to me there is will. Most of the fucks in these threads want to be sad and thats why they never respond to advise. You should just be gay and fabulous and go for it. Be more assertive work on your willpower and confidence and you should probably be okay.
Never self pity or feel sorry for yourself thats the one thing that will ruin a mans life. Just look at rhe people in this thread..
I feel so empty. Every day i try and keep up the facade, the smiling face, to convince everyone that "im doing fine." Everyday its becoming more difficult. I have no purpose. I keep a job only becuase if I dont distract myself im going to end up an heroing. I dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im splitting apart
>>720065023 There people around you don't realise it. But modern society is bullshit, the hippies were right. If you dropped out and moved to the countryside and started smoking weed. You'd feel something.
>>720064498 you haven't seen her for 8 years anon, shes most likely an entirely different person. contact her again, this time purely as friend and see where things lead to. If its cos of her tits and looks that you want her, then its purely lust and lust aint worth crying over
Why do I always feel alone? Even when surrounded by friends and family, I always feel so distant from them. I can hold conversations, but I can never really start them. I have my own ideas and ways of doing things, but I feel so bland and generic. People have told me before that I make them happy, that when they needed someone there I was their go-to person. Yet, I never feel like I ever make an actual impact on someone's life. Like I'm a ghost. It could be because no one ever actually stays in my life for long at all. Most friends in my childhood came and went within a couple years, girlfriends never stay for more than half a year, and I've never really had any family. My parents are dead and gone, my grandparents argue, and they never speak to me. I realize this is half my fault, since if I really wanted to talk to them I would start conversations. But again, I find it extremely difficult to start conversations, which is no excuse, but it's the mental state I'm in right now. I feel like I have no real place, no real home, just places I can go to and people that will be there for the time being. I barely even feel like I make sense half the time when I'm speaking. I don't understand how other people understand me. Does that make any sense? I don't know. I just feel so lost all the time, with only brief moments of joy, which I quickly deconstruct in my own head. Why is it talking is so difficult for me? Is there something wrong with me? Probably.
>>720064356 Like girls try to flirt with me and shit. When I started classes this semester this girl started talking to me, she started trying to flirt, complimented me etc. I didn't know what to say back. I just kinda mumbled and after that she never talked to me again. Happens. Sometimes I can make small talk but it always ends up with me being extremely awkward at some point and people avoiding me.
>>720056303 Any time I open up to anyone or try to share a story or anecdote from my life, even with anons on the internet, people invariably shit on me. It's left me bitter and angry at an age way before I should be.
>>720065023 go to a therapist first, to see if it might be an underlying problem and, if that turns up nothing, give yourself a purpose. for some reason people think that their purpose in life will come heralded by an angels choir and gods light. it isnt. its uneventful, boring to look at and and itll probably be your second or third choice. but purpose is purpose, and once you start, things will slowly start to brighten and the world will look that little bit better. but youre the one who has to choose
>>720066069 Drugs on there own won't work, but weed really helped me to deal with some tough shit in the past. You make some positive changes and smoke a little weed, you'll feel real nice. It amplifies good emotions while numbing bad ones. Of course weed alone is not the solution. But its better to quit your job than to stay and have the stress drive you to murder suicide.
>>720066648 No. I used to have friends in highschool but I suddenly developed really severe social anxiety. I've been in pretty much in social isolation since then. I occasionally hang out with certain people when they're in town, but I never feel comfortable around anyone. I can sorta talk my family again though, so that's good. But I have no personal relationships outside of family.
I tried a bunch of different psychologists but I literally can't open up to them or talk. That "anxiety wall" is always up. Don't really know what to do. I try to expose myself, but again, when I try to talk to people they eventually avoid me completely when that initial awkwardness never goes away.
>>720067119 You have a tech addiction. Its why you don't have a social life. Turn off the computer, go camping or try to interact with the real world. Your gonna have to find something you like thatt isn't the internet.
>kinda ironic me telling you not to use the Internet on the Internet.
>be young, shit life in general >cheated on by a few gfs >0.2 GPA in highschool >hate it and going no where >drop out of high school and go to a military school >love it and then graduate 6 months later; back to real world >job as security guard and be a volunteer firefighter >sucks major cock, never go out or do anything or have friends >enlist in marin crops >get in shape >leave for booty camp >have a blast during all my training >get told I'm now a weatherman, tfw ??? >go to school for training in Mississippi on an air force base >meet chick who likes lifting and has a 100/10 body and is actually interesting William continue
>>720066731 I know i should goto a therapist, but i hate the feeling of them trying to get into my head. You are right about needing to find a purpose on my own tho. I have always enjoyed making people feel good about themselves, maybe ill look into volunteering or something. =/
>>720067451 Existentialism feels good man. You make the world your oyster. So what you don't have gf, what can you do to make your life meaningful? Do whatever gives your life meaning. Go hike the Appalachian trail. Climb the alps. Backpack. Do good for others if that's your thing.
>>720067687 I don't think the Military is for everyone. While i don't regret joining the army. I'm glad i discharged when i did. I like my freedom, and not having to shave. I don't think your advice is good for a lot of people the armed forces can drive a man mad.
>>720056748 THIS is what anxiety feels like to me. Not that whiny, made up bullshit that attention whores on tumblr have. I want to be a part of so many great things, but I'm just so scared of all the things that can possibly go wrong. I also know that when these things actually go wrong, it's not the end of the world - but my brain still literally stops me in my tracks. It's crippling and i want out but I just don't want to be remembered as the asshole who inconvenienced everybody who knew him with how weak he was.
>>720067305 I have some minor social anxiety, so i can see where you're coming from sort of. You may just not be in the right environment to be sociable. It doesn't have to be something major. Try to contact an old friend from high school and go out with them to get drunk or something. Alcohol can help. (just don't get addicted, fam) >>720067971 If you're any good at grammar, you could try professionally editing books/texts for people
>>720067971 Well thats one thing? You ever tired cycling, always gets me out the house its good fun. If your too lazy for that you can always get a motorcycle, which is way more fun than my faggy bicycle.
>>720067687 >I act a massive sperglord and miss my opportunity to date her at first >she fucks around with this midget >I'm called a cuck for letting it happen >fuckthis.jpg >he cheats on her, she comes to me >we fuck, amaaaazing, start dating, amazing sex >fuck at our school house, in the lounges, on the roof, common rooms, supply closets, teachers lounge >super fucking close now >in all classes together and always with each other >graduate 8 months later and it's all gucci >both request west coast for duty stations, she's cali I got Arizona, wanted to go overseas, but love!! >start arguing more when I have to drive 6 hours every single weekend to see her >lasts about another month >coming home from visiting her 4chan kik group tells me where to stop and eat >Jonny Carinos mmmm >beautiful Latina hostess >start leaving, turn around and go back >ask for her number >she blushes and says yes >NUT >go home feeling amazing >don't see shitty gf for 3 weeks >start going out with Latina and loving her >waiting to see gf in person to dump her, end up fucking Latina >break up with gf next day >start fucking and being sweet with Latina Will continue yet again, didn't think it'd be this long
>>720068224 Well if doing the same thing you normally do doesn't work its time to try something new. Finding weed can be really eash or really hard, depending on where you live. If you can get it get it. But you don't need it, you just need to change shit eventually something will work if you give it enough time or if you try enough shit.
Man, haven't been on a feels thread in almost a year.
>4:00am here >Got a test worth 25% of the mark in a moduel at 11:00am >Due to having actual exams last week (50% of mark for both classes I had them for, have to at least pass, or you fail the class regardless of your overall mark), have only had like a week to revise. >Depression suddenly came back really hard over the weekend (spent the last couple of years trying to fix it, it was mostly better). >Probably because I drank a few beers on Friday and smoked some weed. I used to be dependant on alcohol. >Powered through, but made revising less productive. >Probably gonna fail the test tomorrow. >Was on track to possibly get a first (highest grade) before.
>>720068784 >things are going amazing >invite her to Marine corps Ball >she's working >> "oh it's okay I guess haha.." >end up going with some random marine >night of Marine corps ball drunk text Latina >she hasn't been talking the past few days >try calling and texting, over and over >she hardly responds >gives bad excuses and says she thought I was different >type paragraphs explaining myself >beg and plead to know what I did >for days I try to figure out what I did >days turn to weeks >it's been 2 months and 4 days >don't know what I did >she never told me I just want to know what I could do to fix it, what I did at all. It keeps me up at night We used to sit in my truck bed under blankets and stare at the stars for hours and hours Now when I look up and see the stars while I'm driving I scream until my throat bleeds and my voice is gone. I never imagined seeing one of our shooting stars could make me cry so much. We used to count the shooting stars. "You see that!? You missed it again? Next time, baby" If I ever see a shooting star again I might just blow my head off then and there I only want her back. I've never felt complete except when I was with her. And every day since then I've felt hollow, empty, and dead.
>>720070303 As a fellow brothe in arms, I feel for you. That story was.... amazing. Marine, I hope you get some closure one day. I started mental health not too long ago and it has somewhat helped. I am better off than a week ago, when I had a belt wrapped around my neck almost ODing on my meds.
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