I'M VERY EMBARRASSED ABOUT THIS I got talking to this 19

>>719929494
>mfw she tells me she loves me and I'm the only person that's ever treated her as anything other than human garbage
>staying up late texting this girl constantly, 5 hour time difference meant I was zombified in the mornings for work with late nights.


>The whole suicide thing followed by the lie about her age had really done a number on my mental health, I started showing symptoms of PTSD and later was diagnosed with it for a while.
>mfw my brain was beginning to melt at this point.
>I lost my mind.exe
>Instead of cutting off all contact like any sane person would, I carried on talking to her, I didn't want to let her down and then for me to be the cause of her doing anything silly.
>Tried to convince myself that falling in love with a 15 year old was ok, shit I even started looking at young girls in the street and trying to justify it to myself. I told the girl that I'd wait for her till she was 18 because I loved her and wanted to visit her because we'd been through so much together.
>I can't really explain what happened but my mind slipped into a catastrophic state, really fucking dire.
>Parents noticed I was restless and something was wrong.
>My mind had started full meltdown, Code Red, self destruct.

>I really love her
>I really loved a 15 year old
>If I cut off contact she might kill herself
>I've shared with her so many intimate secrets and details about myself
>She said she loved me, the first.

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>>719929533
>Brain's fucked, and all I can think about is my conversation being leaked online. That's all I can think about, and the thought of it makes me physically and mentally ill.
>Mum confronts me at some point a couple days later and asks me if there's anything wrong because I've been acting so erratically lately, restless, shutting myself away etc.
> I tell her.

>mfw I tell her that I met a girl online, that I talked her out of killing herself, and that she had lied about her age, so instead of 19 like she'd said for a month, she was 15.
>mfw I tell my Mum that the whole conversation had come about because we traded nude pics, and fapped, a lot.
> reveal to my Mum was the start of a significant mental decline.
>Realised what the fuck I'd said to my own mother amd kind of lost my shit.
>mfw own personal standards had been fucking blown to another dimension.
>couldn't sleep

>Over the next 3 months I sort of lost everything, I was in shellshock, with PTSD and clinical depression at what had just happened to my mind the past 6 weeks.

>Amount of shame, guilt and REGRET were literally far beyond breaking point every day of my existence for the next year.
>Diagnosed clinical depression, prescribed 200mg Sertraline
>Begin counselling (was bullshit I spent the few sessions I had fantasising about the end of a shotgun barrel when I was asked to imagine a 'happy place')
>Start seeing proper psychiatrist
>Psychiatrist asks my parents to hide keys to the gunsafe in our attic (farming family)
>Find keys and sleep with shotgun under my bed for peace of mind, for when I'm home alone
>Make plans to end my life.

>mfw I win /b/.exe
>mfw life is cancer
>mfw forever a failure in my own eyes

pfff... nothing to be embarrassed about. Your situation sucks and I'm glad it's not me. I have no advice for you, but best of luck.

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You got ptsd from talking to some skank who obviously is manipulating your beta cuck faggot ass .

Better stay away from the butter knife faggot. No wonder the UK is a fucked.

>>719929494
post nudes

>>719929494
Assuming this is not bait, you had better archive those texts.

Wow you sound like an omega cuck OP
Lrn2live fag

Nudes of the 19-year-old.

You gotta get over, stop bathing in catharsis, and meet new people. Otherwise you WILL die.

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Britbong: (talking through the gaps in his teeth) jolly ol day doctor it may seem that I have a case of the downsies for I have been neglecting my own personal health and staying up late breaking international law by courting a suicidal 15year old hamburger.

Doctor: (pulls government issued safety cap from top of pen) yes my ol boy seems here that you got a case of the PTSD.

That's how fucking stupid you sound.

>>719930457
dis

OP here. This was over a year and a half ago now.

I had a mental breakdown from being a faggot.

Still not in the right mental state.

Roast me guys I need to feel validated for my beta autist faggot actions.

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>>719929494
Dude Jesus christ take it fucking easy. If you love each other then you can wait a few years. I've known people just through internet and text/ phone calls for more than 5 years if it was meant to be then it'll happen. Get fucking over it. She doesn't care as much as you do. DO NOT let it run your life. YOU are more important. Get a fucking grip you pussy

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>>719931207
Dude I'm so fucking confused I can't explain what happened to my mind but it fucked me up, enough to tell my parents the whole thing. So rediculous.

OP HERE

I CANT GET OVER THIS

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>>719931875
I fell completely in love with a girl just though online for years. One day she just never text back and I haven't heard back since. She's always left a shadow on my heart. It was the uncertainty never had closure. Don't do what I did. I didn't talk to other girls I didn't get in other relationships because of her. I wish I had spent the time making meaningful relationships. Talk to other girls have a girlfriend and when the time comes if the 15 year old is still there and now 18 and the time is right then go for it. But please don't waste your life. She is not worth it trust me.

Nudes

>>719932793
Idd. Or you're a fag OP

Cmon

>>719931086
Some girls younger than 25 are known, using my own experiences, to be huge attention sluts and wannabe suiciders. I don't blame you for anything that happened to you.

>>719932736
Thank you mate. I realised pretty quick that it wasn't love in the normal sense, heavily forced because of all the shit she got into my head about self harming and disappearing. My natural reaction was to feel the same way and then when I found out she lied about her age I instinctively felt I was going to be revealed (actually on /b/ for some insane reason). I drove my own insanity. Shit's fucked man I felt like every cell in my body wanted to die.

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>>719933838
>719933838
I wish I wasn't such a nice person, a Beta faggot with no real-world experience of girls because I was ashamed to get close to them because of gynecomastia

>>719933400
no u.

>>719933887
No its not quite love. Its worse I'm not sure how you would describe it. But its almost like it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Its not healthy it takes over your life and makes you depressed and you feel helpless. I know how you feel I hope you get past it

Op here, again.

I think the issue I have is how I dealt with the whole situation. Fuck girls and fuck life.

>>719936646
But you still didn't post nudes.

>>719937120
You don't want them

>>719937299
Why not

>>719929494
listen to this song, it will ease your stress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJJ8hWDXWGs

>>719936646
OP i have a short vid of my ex if you want
6aFWFNs

>>719931086
Hehe you redid the greentext

Sentences still very fucking long for green text, but a significant improvement.

Haven't read but I'm awarding you a solid 8/10 for effort

>>719937848
Do you live in North Carolina?

>>719929494
could be worse. you could be in possession of CP. you could be responsible of producing CP and distributing it across international jurisdictions. you could be giving lewd material to an underage that could be interpreted as statutory rape.

but you couldn't be this stupid, are ya?

>>719938153
I do. Need something?

>>719938153
No I do not, I do live in The Netherlands though.

>>719938110
I've now scanned through it - OP, to clarify I've got the picture:

> you speak with a girl online
> she gets clingy and tells you she loves you
> she lies about her age
> you've never met her
> you think you've fallen in love with her
> the worry about her age and the pressure of her potentially being suicidal has caused you significant mental anguish
> you told your mum about it all
> you told your mum you masturbated to the 15 year old girls pics?

Is this right, am I missing anything significant.

>>719938110
Sometimes /b/ needs to feel a sense of accomplishment, I'm sure reading a little extra won't hurt ;)

>Women are hypocrites
>I believe I am average looking
>30 years women have told me I am good looking
>30 years women have grabbed my cock and ass
>20 years women have tried to take me away from my wife
>15 years some of my female employees have sexually harassed me
>For 30 years my not so good looking male counterparts have been subjected to derogatory remarks like they have a disease even if they look at a women
>The majority of women I have met are Hypocrites

>>719938738
I did
>>719938719

>>719938755
Is there a point here or are you just boasting?

No woman is worth your mental well being mate. This is going to sound harsh but do you love her? Or do you love the fact that she showed you attention when, you said it yourself, you don't get much of it? Definitely something to consider.

>>719939064
>Women are hypocrites
Obvious point, are trying to trigger someone

>>719938719
That's pretty much it OP, at the time about a year and a half ago it messed me up bad and I felt like dying because of the fuck up I'd gotten myself into and how you can't reverse things.

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>>719939064
You missed his point completely.
Let me provide a visual aid.

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How about them nudes OP?

>>719939419
Whoa dude

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7KlT4YXyNGA

>>719929494
You can't OD on Advil. At the very worst it will start giving you and ulcer.

>>719938719
OP?

Let me give you my story and maybe it'll put yours into context. In the last 2 years I have:

> lost my business
> spent over £300,000 on drink, drugs and tag along friends who don't even speak to me
> lost my partner of 9 years
> not one single friend I used to have speaks to me anymore because of my behaviour during this period
> majority of my family don't want to speak to me and those who do I'm too ashamed to even see them
> put a man in hospital, nearly killing him and was on prolonged bail for 7 months whilst the legal proceedings went through
> gone bankrupt
> had to move in with my mother at 30
> had my mother attempt to get me sectioned
> subsequently move in with my grandmother into an older you person's residential housing estate
> own zero clothes that fit me
> on anti depressants
> put on 4 stone in weight
> destroyed my professional name
> lost free access to my son
> lost all motivation and drive in my life
> become someone I truly and deeply dislike and am ashamed of
> would almost certainly commit suicide if I didnt have a son

I know it's not a competition, but you're getting in a state over a girl who loves on the other side of the world, you've never met, is underage and clearly unsuitable for you. I'd just put it down to experience and meet other girls online, this time ensure they live within a close proximity so you can actually fuck them.

19 or 15 is really no different at all. I'd go to her and fuck the crap out of her.

>>719940093
I'm ashamed of how I've made such a mess. Sorry for your situation mate, and for wasting your time.

>>719929494
her name start with N?

>>719929682
Fucking fag I need therapy been waiting 3 months for it and you got all of that treatment for 'PTSD' from talking to a girl

Wow

>>719941193
The pic? Gemma Atkinson

>>719941141
You don't have to be ashamed of anything, aside from the telling your mum you wanked over her nudes bit.

Your mum will put that down to your mental breakdown.

It was actually a very selfish comment from me, my issues pale in comparison to a 6 year old kid in Africa who doesn't get to eat or drink and is riddled by diseases - each persons problems are unique to them. I do think time will be a great healer though, from an outside perspective I genuinely just wouldn't give it another thought. She's clearly not suitable, so you've not lost anything per se, I'd just make a conscious effort to try and find someone else and you'll realise how quickly she leaves your mind.

>>719941539
I got it because it was either that or be sectioned, yeah I am a fucking fag and I've made some fucking stupid life choices in case you hadn't noticed

>>719941578
the girl OP is talking about.

>>719941752
Eh whatever everyone makes mistakes. I hope you get better. Mental illness is no joke. Just wish this fucking country had faster mental health services.

>>719942007
No mate, CC are the initials.

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lmao what'd your parents think?

>>719941583
Thanks, I live in a pretty conservative family so it definitely upset the applecart a bit. Thank you for your perspective, I'm pretty desperate to get to conquer this cess pit that is mental ill health. This won't sound constructive, but I think you should enjoy the time you have with your son.

>>719929494
>next day she sends me a pic of an ambulance and something about overdosing on Advil is it?
LMAO

>>719943188
My mum was like dafuq.exe

My dad said "Well don't go and do anything stupid" or something like that

Fuckkk Op. I went through something similar. I cut her off tthough, I had too much to lose.

>>719943403
I was naive and it cost me, kinda bad LOL

>talks to a girl
>ptsd
never change 4chin

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>>719943545
lmao they weren't mad at you?

>>719944981
No just disappointed.

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>>719945552
that's understandable, i guess

>>719929901
>stay away from the butter knife
If it's over 3" they cannot possess it in UK

>>719945799
Everyone's seen my 3 incher

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Which part of the US is she from?

>>719946841
>>719946841
NC

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Can someone just call me a pussy and end this shit?

>>719929682
Try contacting a parent. CAREFULLY explain the situation to them (although id advise you to omit the details about you sharing nudes with a minor.) she needs help and you need to stop texting her. Its a serious problem if shes dependent on you, especially given your current situation.

>>719948437
Her parents. They need to be taking care of this

>>719948638
Her parents probably don't give a fuck this was over a year and a half ago.

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are you still talking to this chick?

Tl;dr

OP the only solution to whatever your problem is, is suicide

>>719949721
No I freaked and lost my shit and stopped talking to her, she blocked me too it was fucked.

>>719950145
good, don't bother talk with this girl who's obviously very deeply troubled and a liar at that.

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>>719950145
yeah, what >>719950359 said

it's probably best if you try to move on

it will most likely take a while, but you need to do it yo

This sounds like the kind of autistic shit I could do, I feel you man

>>719929494
MODS

>>719929494
You'll be aight... stop being such a pussy and ruminating on it tho... you need to move on and forget about it. Pick yourself up stop being a bitch

>>719952325
Cheers for telling it straight mate.