I got talking to this 19 y/o girl online, she was cute, obvs we shared nudes. I became obsessed talking to her, partly because it was exciting to the 20 year old virgin me and partly because it was such an escape from reality.
She told me she loved me and I believed it, somehow I got lost in it, just texting this girl.
One night out of nowhere she says she doesn't feel well, starts reeling off a list of things she regrets etc. tells me to stop talking to her and forget her because she's had enough of everything.
>mfw I'm up at 4am Saturday night (4am UK time, she was from the US) >She'd told me about her previous mental ill health, we talked about it a bit and I'd said how I'd been depressed because of my body etc. >I was convinced she wasn't fucking about >She doesn't text back and it really, really fucks me up >next day she sends me a pic of an ambulance and something about overdosing on Advil is it? >Anyway I'm of the age where I really want to travel and am like fuck it why not go visit this girl, we've already been through a lot together is my mentality. I feel such a connection. >A few days later the girl tells me she's been lying about her age, she's really 15. >mfw I've confided some of my deepest secrets with this person >mfw I'm dealing with a suicidal 15 year old with a history of attempts
>>719929494 >mfw she tells me she loves me and I'm the only person that's ever treated her as anything other than human garbage >staying up late texting this girl constantly, 5 hour time difference meant I was zombified in the mornings for work with late nights.
>The whole suicide thing followed by the lie about her age had really done a number on my mental health, I started showing symptoms of PTSD and later was diagnosed with it for a while. >mfw my brain was beginning to melt at this point. >I lost my mind.exe >Instead of cutting off all contact like any sane person would, I carried on talking to her, I didn't want to let her down and then for me to be the cause of her doing anything silly. >Tried to convince myself that falling in love with a 15 year old was ok, shit I even started looking at young girls in the street and trying to justify it to myself. I told the girl that I'd wait for her till she was 18 because I loved her and wanted to visit her because we'd been through so much together. >I can't really explain what happened but my mind slipped into a catastrophic state, really fucking dire. >Parents noticed I was restless and something was wrong. >My mind had started full meltdown, Code Red, self destruct.
>I really love her >I really loved a 15 year old >If I cut off contact she might kill herself >I've shared with her so many intimate secrets and details about myself >She said she loved me, the first.
>>719929533 >Brain's fucked, and all I can think about is my conversation being leaked online. That's all I can think about, and the thought of it makes me physically and mentally ill. >Mum confronts me at some point a couple days later and asks me if there's anything wrong because I've been acting so erratically lately, restless, shutting myself away etc. > I tell her.
>mfw I tell her that I met a girl online, that I talked her out of killing herself, and that she had lied about her age, so instead of 19 like she'd said for a month, she was 15. >mfw I tell my Mum that the whole conversation had come about because we traded nude pics, and fapped, a lot. > reveal to my Mum was the start of a significant mental decline. >Realised what the fuck I'd said to my own mother amd kind of lost my shit. >mfw own personal standards had been fucking blown to another dimension. >couldn't sleep
>Over the next 3 months I sort of lost everything, I was in shellshock, with PTSD and clinical depression at what had just happened to my mind the past 6 weeks.
>Amount of shame, guilt and REGRET were literally far beyond breaking point every day of my existence for the next year. >Diagnosed clinical depression, prescribed 200mg Sertraline >Begin counselling (was bullshit I spent the few sessions I had fantasising about the end of a shotgun barrel when I was asked to imagine a 'happy place') >Start seeing proper psychiatrist >Psychiatrist asks my parents to hide keys to the gunsafe in our attic (farming family) >Find keys and sleep with shotgun under my bed for peace of mind, for when I'm home alone >Make plans to end my life.
>mfw I win /b/.exe >mfw life is cancer >mfw forever a failure in my own eyes
Britbong: (talking through the gaps in his teeth) jolly ol day doctor it may seem that I have a case of the downsies for I have been neglecting my own personal health and staying up late breaking international law by courting a suicidal 15year old hamburger.
Doctor: (pulls government issued safety cap from top of pen) yes my ol boy seems here that you got a case of the PTSD.
>>719929494 Dude Jesus christ take it fucking easy. If you love each other then you can wait a few years. I've known people just through internet and text/ phone calls for more than 5 years if it was meant to be then it'll happen. Get fucking over it. She doesn't care as much as you do. DO NOT let it run your life. YOU are more important. Get a fucking grip you pussy
>>719931875 I fell completely in love with a girl just though online for years. One day she just never text back and I haven't heard back since. She's always left a shadow on my heart. It was the uncertainty never had closure. Don't do what I did. I didn't talk to other girls I didn't get in other relationships because of her. I wish I had spent the time making meaningful relationships. Talk to other girls have a girlfriend and when the time comes if the 15 year old is still there and now 18 and the time is right then go for it. But please don't waste your life. She is not worth it trust me.
>>719932736 Thank you mate. I realised pretty quick that it wasn't love in the normal sense, heavily forced because of all the shit she got into my head about self harming and disappearing. My natural reaction was to feel the same way and then when I found out she lied about her age I instinctively felt I was going to be revealed (actually on /b/ for some insane reason). I drove my own insanity. Shit's fucked man I felt like every cell in my body wanted to die.
>>719933887 No its not quite love. Its worse I'm not sure how you would describe it. But its almost like it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Its not healthy it takes over your life and makes you depressed and you feel helpless. I know how you feel I hope you get past it
>>719929494 could be worse. you could be in possession of CP. you could be responsible of producing CP and distributing it across international jurisdictions. you could be giving lewd material to an underage that could be interpreted as statutory rape.
>>719938110 I've now scanned through it - OP, to clarify I've got the picture:
> you speak with a girl online > she gets clingy and tells you she loves you > she lies about her age > you've never met her > you think you've fallen in love with her > the worry about her age and the pressure of her potentially being suicidal has caused you significant mental anguish > you told your mum about it all > you told your mum you masturbated to the 15 year old girls pics?
>Women are hypocrites >I believe I am average looking >30 years women have told me I am good looking >30 years women have grabbed my cock and ass >20 years women have tried to take me away from my wife >15 years some of my female employees have sexually harassed me >For 30 years my not so good looking male counterparts have been subjected to derogatory remarks like they have a disease even if they look at a women >The majority of women I have met are Hypocrites
No woman is worth your mental well being mate. This is going to sound harsh but do you love her? Or do you love the fact that she showed you attention when, you said it yourself, you don't get much of it? Definitely something to consider.
Let me give you my story and maybe it'll put yours into context. In the last 2 years I have:
> lost my business > spent over £300,000 on drink, drugs and tag along friends who don't even speak to me > lost my partner of 9 years > not one single friend I used to have speaks to me anymore because of my behaviour during this period > majority of my family don't want to speak to me and those who do I'm too ashamed to even see them > put a man in hospital, nearly killing him and was on prolonged bail for 7 months whilst the legal proceedings went through > gone bankrupt > had to move in with my mother at 30 > had my mother attempt to get me sectioned > subsequently move in with my grandmother into an older you person's residential housing estate > own zero clothes that fit me > on anti depressants > put on 4 stone in weight > destroyed my professional name > lost free access to my son > lost all motivation and drive in my life > become someone I truly and deeply dislike and am ashamed of > would almost certainly commit suicide if I didnt have a son
I know it's not a competition, but you're getting in a state over a girl who loves on the other side of the world, you've never met, is underage and clearly unsuitable for you. I'd just put it down to experience and meet other girls online, this time ensure they live within a close proximity so you can actually fuck them.
>>719941141 You don't have to be ashamed of anything, aside from the telling your mum you wanked over her nudes bit.
Your mum will put that down to your mental breakdown.
It was actually a very selfish comment from me, my issues pale in comparison to a 6 year old kid in Africa who doesn't get to eat or drink and is riddled by diseases - each persons problems are unique to them. I do think time will be a great healer though, from an outside perspective I genuinely just wouldn't give it another thought. She's clearly not suitable, so you've not lost anything per se, I'd just make a conscious effort to try and find someone else and you'll realise how quickly she leaves your mind.
>>719941583 Thanks, I live in a pretty conservative family so it definitely upset the applecart a bit. Thank you for your perspective, I'm pretty desperate to get to conquer this cess pit that is mental ill health. This won't sound constructive, but I think you should enjoy the time you have with your son.
>>719929682 Try contacting a parent. CAREFULLY explain the situation to them (although id advise you to omit the details about you sharing nudes with a minor.) she needs help and you need to stop texting her. Its a serious problem if shes dependent on you, especially given your current situation.
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