Schizophrenia OP from last night. Asking for fucked up/Schizophrenic

>>719849539
When/what age diagnosed and what's the full diagnosis. Did you start out as schizotypal?

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>>719849681
My symptoms have been light until I was about fifteen, it matured and now it's basically getting worse every day. I haven't been to a professional yet, though that's going to happen very soon. When I was younger it was more Schizotypal than anything else, so yes. Only now has it grown into the full disorder.

>>719849854
No diagnosis ever? And no medication ever? How has this affected you? Can you hold a job? What are your delusions/hallucinations like?

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>>719849985
No diagnosis yet, and I don't want to take medication. I've avoided telling my parents until I got old enough to refuse treatment should they decide I should take meds. I'm going soon, as soon as I land this job I'm about to get. It was hard, my last job was at Walgreens and I had to quit after a year because I couldn't take it anymore. I have more delusions than anything, several times where I couldn't shake the feeling I was a god, even though intellectually I understand that's retarded, I couldn't get rid of the raw feeling. I have three distinct things in my head, they're not audible voices, but they're parallel thought processes that "think" to me. No matter how hard I try, I fail to comprehend my own existence, and I have zero connection or empathy with others. It's impossible for me to comprehend that anything actually exists, and I'm very paranoid at times. Sometimes I get so paranoid people can hear my thoughts, that I do everything I can to make no sense to myself in my head.

>>719850325
Heavy, man.

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>>719850535
Yeah. It sucks, most of my personal relationships have suffered as a result, and it's getting worse. I have episodes almost every day now that can include anything from rage, to paranoia, depression and anxiety. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I feel like shit all the time and I feel like I'm losing it.

>>719849539
how does it feel

>>719850642
You ever thought that medication might not help this and instead maybe you actually have some very strong potential to help yourself and that maybe you ought to stop thinking you are crazy and stop the auto denial and just go with it? Just curious

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>>719850672
It feels like I don't exist, that I'm just a shell of a human and I'm drawn to very negative and illogical things. From the time I was eight, I've been obsessed with Demonology and magic, as much as I don't believe either of those things, I can't stop thinking that it's possible. I'm exhausted mentally and physically all the time, and the fact that I'm sharing a brain with three other "things" gets really old after years of them not shutting up. I just want some peace and quiet.

Im guessing you live in America , move somewhere else your scitzophrenia there is guru status in india

>>719850936
Sounds more like you have some serious self disciplining to do.

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How has been a sub par human being stopped you fro ,,,,mmm enjoyingns the plEASUREas OfLIfe Fulyll?? IM CIouriosu form soem reaeasrch Imconducting on hugman comnmductr, haha

>>719850325
You just sound like you're schizotypal.
I knew someone pretty similar (generally speaking) and he explained how he would get those raw feelings but just knew that it was a delusion but it seriously fucked with his head. It may be that it is getting worse, as it can happen with that type of thing but you still seem somewhat connected to reality in the logical sense.

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>>719850881
I've seen what meds do, my stepfather is bipolar and he took pills for so long, I've seen the damage it does and I want no part of it. Plus, it sounds weird, but I don't want to get rid of it... It's awful and it sucks, but I don't connect with people, I don't see them as conscious like I am. These things are my only real company, and as much as they torment me, I could never just rip them out.

>>719850973
Heh, I was thinking about something like that, but I love living here too much to move to some shit country.

>>719850325
Also, self awareness is a pretty big determinate for if your schizotypal who gets psychotic episodes (especially during stressful times or even social interactions) to full blown schizophrenia

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>>719851065
Yeah, you don't know the half of it.

>>719851085
What the ever loving fuck. Kek (pic related)

>>719851141
Logically, yeah. But even then I falter with that. When I'm having an actual episode, instead of the constant passive symptoms, I can't logically think or not believe in what I'm feeling.

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Dude, you need to like, start enjoying life more, cuz, like, that attitude is not going to contribute to your, like, well being and such, like, you seriously need to, like, get treated or something, like, It's not healthy dude man, it's not healthy

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>>719851225
I don't really have self-awareness. I have a higher degree of self-awareness than an awareness of others, but I just don't feel like I even exist. Given the symptoms get worse with stress, but it's getting to where it's almost constant now.

>>719851153
Up not gonna lie if developed you will have something like a superpower, if left to shit. You will drive yourself to insanity I think, don't drink don't smoke don't drink coffee just fucjing harness your brain power, think a mage, or think a warhammer psyker. When they are weak their brain falls to the depredations of the warp and when they are strong they can take on god like abilities, of course is only allegory but maybe you understand, regardless the govt. Loves any reason to chemically lobotmize someone :)

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>>719851310
Can't enjoy what isn't there, that's what I'm telling you. I can't go out and be happy because it'd be like watching someone else have fun, even though I'm the one doing it. It's like I'm staring through someone else's eyes most of the time. I can't enjoy things anymore.

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>>719851377
Hearing that kind of shit fucks with me, it's what's going through my head at all times. That isn't real, but it's hard to convince myself that it isn't. Also having people like you trying to convince me doesn't help kek. I love WH40K though, badass universe. I feel like I have an abundance of raw power, just that I don't know how to channel or use it. It's very frustrating.

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What do you think of pic related?

>>719851274
Same deal with him too. Dealing with people, jobs, anything really just put him in this really anxious state. He fucking hates grocery stores and feels like someone walking down the aisle is a "psychic attack" until he leaves and he's like "shit that was so fucking stupid" it's like the stress triggers something and he gets lost in this dissociative, depersonalized state... All he really does now is just listen to Jed McKenna audiobooks and talk about how ego and shit. He's decently "trancended" in some regards, but in others he's almost too naive.

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>>719851657
I actually have that one saved. I like it a lot. Thanks, anon.

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>>719851686
Exactly, I know exactly what he's talking about. I mostly just obsess over things like the Voynich Manuscripts, or The Library of Babel (spent hours in there looking through random data for some important message...) and I'm obsessed with magic and astronomy (not astrology, I don't buy into it surprisingly). Also I spend my spare time listening to music, mostly Rammstein.

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>>719851153
You cannot base the idea that "meds are bad" off the experience that your father had. I understand, and empathise with how it felt to see someone go through that, and not want any part of it yourself. But the medication he was on, I'm assuming since he has bipolar disorder and not schizophrenia, will be different from what you are possibly described. I understand not wanting to suck down pills everyday, but giving it a chance may be the best thing. And if not you can always choose to stop taking them; its your body.

Additionally your attitude towards the things in your head; feeling tormented but not wanting to "rip them out" is quite common. I understand not wanting to lose the feeling of being more aware about the way the world and universe seem to work without them, but the question is if they, and not the other experinces you've had, have really shaped your awareness of your existance. Maybe keeping them around isn't the best idea?

Obviously I don't know you nor your life situation, I'm just trying to offer advice based on my own experiences. Hope I wasn't projecting too much and goodluck to you anon.

>>719851602
I study psychology, Jungian thought is my favorite perspective. Its fucking with you because its true. You need to abandon your surroundings you need to go and survive inna woods and you need to come back and work and then travel. Ditch all the other shit. You know its true and just because some fagots are fagots and are too mentally fucked to compregebd you . Doesn't mean 1 billion people in another part of the world won't anyways its your life do what you want, but you said it yourself it gets worse everyday. On that trend it can only end in suicide or permanent institutionalization I think.

>>719851436
Sounds like depersonalization/derealization. I've actually experienced what you're talking about with the whole "watching someone else live your life" like... You touch something and you know you're touching it, you feel it, but it doesn't *click* it's this very hollow feeling. Almost out of body... It was scary as hell but I have OCD and major anxiety and stress so one day it all hit this peak and my brain just sort of dissconnected and it took years to feel anything again.

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>>719851857
No man, that's fucking solid advice. You're right, and I'll try to start thinking that way from now on, if I can manage to. Thank you, anon. Nice art as well.

>>719851857
>you can always choose to stop taking them
No you can't. Not without ramping down slowly and learning how to deal on your own.

This is how people go to work and gun everyone down.

>>719851962
Can you email me? I know it sounds stupid, but I hardly ever find people that believe those things. I need direction, I need someone to talk to about these things, and it also helps that you're studying that. If you want someone to prod at in exchange for my own questions, I'd love to talk to you.

For anyone that gives a shit, it's [email protected]

>>719851993
I know what you mean, I feel that exact same thing. Only reason I believe it's Schizophrenia and not just a personality disorder is the fact that my delusions are frequent and intense.

>>719852018
Glad I could help. The artwork is from The Legend of Korra. Its an amazing series despite it being on nickelodeon. I'm currently re-watching and am on season 3/4. Highly recommend along with the original Avatar.

>>719852120
You're right, I should've worded it more carefully. You can't just stop cold turkey because of the sudden change to the brain's biochemistry. But if you honestly feel they aren't helping then you can decrease your dosage and eventually stop.

>>719850325
How long have you felt like a god? I've had that thought in the back of my mind for years.

>>719852165
Nice. I've been meaning to watch that. I watched Avatar when it was coming out, and that shit was solid.

>>719852258
Ever since I can remember, really. I mean I didn't know what the feeling was until I was old enough to realize the implications of being a god or demigod.

>>719852396
Do you mind if I email you about it? Just to see how you've dealt with it now and in the past?

>>719851803
In all honesty, when watching my buddy go thru what he's going thru. What I see is like general human problems like, general anxiety with people, awkward sense of self and place in world, does anyone feel like this kinda shit... But turned to volume 11 where it gets blown out of proportion based on whatever it means to you. And considering you definitely have a unique view of the world where you are somehow still here talking to me, knowing on *some* level that I am someone else, yet being incredibly open to the possibilities, I cant even fathome what and how much you go through. That level of balance (as unstable as it may feel) sounds scary. Like teetering on insanity but knowing and being aware of it is like this mental feedback loop of solipsism and exstistental depression.... Here I'll send you a link to his YouTube channel. He's a pretty chill dude once you get to know him. Hopefully his vids can do something for you .
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wxLNEXbOQfM

>>719851367

You are the universe is the only thing that exsists. And you wont ever stop exsisting. But one day take another shape and your thoughts will be floating in deep space for eternity.

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>>719852531
Of course. Email away.

>>719852578
Thanks man, I appreciate it. It is weird and stressful, seeing yourself slowly go insane, realizing it, analyzing it, and yet still not being able to prevent it. I can only watch as I run for a cliff.

>>719852605
Thought of that too, anon.

>>719852578
>>719852258
The important thing is not what this shit is and the petty names you assign to it, the important thing I believe is what does it all mean, and what is "God" saying.

>>719852839
I'm dense, are you referring to me as a god? Or are you saying God is talking to me? Strangely enough, out of all of the things that I feel like are trying to communicate with me, God is completely absent, and He's the only one I actually believe in, intellectually.

Do these other things in your head have a physical form in your mind, when you think about them? If so, did you try to draw them or something?
Do they punish you if you do something they don't like?
And does being drunk change anything?

>>719852738
I remember my bud saying that too. Its like this ride or something. Like you phase in and out of different states, going "underwater" in this almost alternate dimension and coming out gasping for air realizing what all that experience was about and learning a bunch about yourself through symbols and reflections of experience and shit but never being in control when the next time you go underwater is. Sounds tiring like a full time job

>>719852926
OP you are young one I assume younger than 30, you need to be honing your skills, what was said "full time job" seems to be an accurate description. You need to spend time to decode what these things all mean.

>>719853333
The water analogy being psychosis and reality. Like it seemed to me it was him coping with the information and finding an incredibly unique perspective that wasn't too off the wall like I could still understand it but definitely against the grain

>>719853181
They do, actually. They have chosen their respective figures, so when I think about them, or they "talk" to me, I can imagine them, or even do so if I'm not trying. The first one is the strongest one, and it's a sadistic and evil personality, that basically just looks like a corrupted version of me. He's always convincing me that we're the same more of less, and that everything he wants, I do too. The second one is the most attractive woman I've seen or imagined, she always dresses in provocative clothing, but like BDSM clothing, leather, etc. She calls herself "mommy" and enjoys dominating me, drawing out my desires and sinful fantasies, making me obsess over them, and is basically there to remind me I'll never have what I want. The third one is another version of me, and while he's the weakest, he tends to "take control" more often. He's a younger version of me. He's childish, submissive and yet extremely perverted. He's obsessed with "mommy" and she constantly torments him and makes him jealous, because hurting him also hurts me. He tends to throw tantrums a lot, and he can get pretty loud. He can affect my mood pretty greatly as well. I've drawn the first one many times, but I can't remember where any of the drawings are. I'm not drunk often, but it doesn't change much. When I'm high however, they can either be quiet, or get worse. It just depends.

>>719853483
If you can find practical truth amongst the sea of information, seamlessly augur it into your ability to express yourself. Who knows maybe you will be the next Mozart . when I listen to his Requiem. I hear God .

>>719849539

Are you going to be here everyday?
Mr. Memes are sacred guy

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>>719853333
Exactly. I'd love to talk to him someday. The constant delving into shit that isn't real makes life really hard. How can I hold a job and fulfill responsibilities when I'm not even on this world?

>>719853475
I'm 19. I want to, more than anything. I'd drop almost everything in my life if I had a guide, but no matter how hard I try, I can't figure out how to hone or harness it. It's something that isn't physical, so you can't just fuck with it. I can't use any of this "power" I believe I have, and it frustrates me. How do I do it?

>>719853483
Exactly.

>>719852926
You have to have a positive relationship with yourself also. If you aren't happy with who you are you will forever be your own worse enemy.

>>719852738
Also this is why I don't think you're schizophrenic. You're aware of your slippage into insanity. Albeit it gets worse with every get go, but true schizophrenia as no "self awareness". You are aware that this isn't "normal" even though that term probably means nothing, you still understand what I mean in relation to the "objective" world. You're not totally crazy, anon. Just different and most likely schizotypal.

>>719853550
Interesting....it seems you anima and animus are way the Fuck out of whack sounds like. The Anima is the female "spirit" in man and the animus the "male" impulse.

>>719853333
Also, checked

>>719853749
>see this thread on the front page
>this is the last post on the thread

Thanks for the laugh anon, you sound stupid as fuck. hurr durr i'm not on this world lol sure buddy, suuuure. You're like an emo with a razor in hand, "I just have to do it guys!"

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>>719853639
I know what you mean. When I hear a lot of music (especially classical music) I think it's what Hell must sound like. I'm obsessed with the idea that Hell is musical, that the Demons play the souls like instruments to torture them.

>>719853693
I get on /b/ almost every day, but I only start the thread if I'm in the mood. Also kek, memes are fucking sacred.

>>719853752
I'm trying, but the level of self-hatred and shame I carry with me is unbearable. I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt I can't find the source of or change. I feel like it's my obsession over the whole "mommy" thing...

>>719853779
I know what you mean, who knows. That's why I'm going to see someone soon.

>>719853807
Tell me more, please. Last night someone used those words and never elaborated. Please continue, anon.

>>719853842
Been some nice GETs this thread.

>>719854026
Uh-huh. Maybe if you'd read the posts instead of one out of context you'd realize how much of an ass you're making yourself. I could not give a rat's ass what you think, I know what I feel, and no one can convince me otherwise.

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>>719849539

can you make a tutorial on how to get schizo?

>>719850936
Not sure of my diagnosis. Since age 6 I've had insane thoughts that are totally illogical, it seems that when I was 6 it was a lot easier to push those thoughts to the side, more so than now. Most of mine include; I am god, the world around me is only real if I can see/hear what's going on at the time, I obsess over worst possible outcome in any situation almost to the point of making these delusions reality, something is always telling me to do something insanely irrational, people aren't real, world leaders are demons although I do realize that any of that is non existent, and finally fear of loss of control. Didn't hit me till I was 15 like you. Didn't know family had history of mental illness and I guess finding my mom dead at 14 and a shit ton of marijuana finally brought it out. What's good

>>719854104
Check your email

bump for more art.
i like.

>>719854104
Screencapping this thread for cringe threads. You don't have Schizophrenia, you have a bad case of Attentionslutophobia.

>>719854203
Uh-huh, whatever helps you sleep at night. You're just fine kiddo, make sure to do your homework before Monday.

>>719854104

Hi Mr. Memes are Sacred, I like you because you reply to comments in an innocent way.
Makes me feel warm inside, don't worry, I don't like rape or sexism.

>>719854104
Interesting. Not the guy you responded to, but the guy who's buddy reminds me of you. I always thought of angels playing humans souls like an instrument and that's what happiness was. Could be two sides of the same coin. If imagine a demon wouldn't know shit about tonality and just play you like a prepared piano haha

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>>719854225
(Pic related)

>>719854243
Sounds like me to be honest. It was so much easier to dismiss the feelings when I was young. Now they basically consume every aspect of my life. Weed helps and hurts at the same time.

>>719854262
I am, thank you for the message.

>>719854263
Danke schon

>>719854243
Here, let me fix this post for you:

Most of mine include: I'm an egotist with an imagination, I get paranoid sometimes, I have bad ideas on occasion, and I'm a little delusional sometimes.

>>719851962
Actually solid as hell advice

>>719854416
danke schon?

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>>719854310
(Pic related)

>>719854323
I just try to be as a-matter-of-fact as I can.

>>719854333
That's interesting. I always imagined it as twisting them into instruments we haven't even invented. Using nerves as strings, etc. Also wailing comes into play as musical as well. Interesting to think about, anyway.

>>719854462
>>719854310
Samefag, or just another cluster of retards with nothing better to do. Don't know which is sadder, kek.

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>>719854225
>>719854416

Haha, enjoy this OC image. Also, wanna fite?

>>719854416
Any kind of medication amplifies the feeling of the whole loss of control thing. I would be more content with it if I had any type of empathy for humans, but honestly my own anatomy freaks me out to the point of wanting detained, smoked a couple times since then but gives me a hell of an anxiety trip. You're not alone though, shits fucking rough but it's good to know you're not the only person in the world that feels this way.

>>719854617
Thank you in German. Once upon a time I was learning the language. It's my favorite, I should get on that again to be honest.

>>719854310
What kind of random person comes into a thread and reads only one post and bases his entire argument off that? I get its /b/ but Jesus Christ dude you're an idiot

>>719849539
What's the worst thing the voices told you to do?

>>719854462
u right

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>>719854709
Cheers, anon. I know what you mean.

>>719854700
Fuckin keked. Cum fite me irl i cud own u. lil gay boi thts all u r is a gay boi cum fite me irl

>>719854711

Wow, german is my favorite language too but I don't speak it fluently. We must be the only ones in the world to have such a unique interest.

Kill you psychiatrist and make it look like suicide.

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>>719854675
>nothing better than do
You're on 4chan too? I'll never understand why people use this as an argument, bait or not.

If you truly had the condition, you wouldn't be on 4chan talking about it. Might as well advertise you have Downs Syndrome or Autism. Do you think people think being fucking mentally ill and delusional is cool? Why even mention it on here? So you can feel good when some retard says "woah that's neat" when in reality you're mentally fucked? I'd kill myself if I was in your shoes bud.

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>>719854788

I'll have you know that OC img is from my family album, we're old time gangsters, we still got ties though. You're welcome to try and fite me and my crew bitch

>>719854675
You sound like that high school kid that everyone ignores in class. You special little snowflake you.

>>719854788
Nice dubs

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>>719854754
No shit. This.

>>719854757
I killed my baby sister's cat. Stared at it for a while when I was home alone and sort of went blank. Didn't really have control over my actions, so I picked it up and took it outside, and beat it to death with a metal rod. Worst part, I felt alive, I felt like I ACTUALLY existed for the first time in my life, and it lasted for ten minutes.

>>719854783
u illiterate

>>719854832
Heh, could be. I hate Spanish, I refused to learn it, so I picked up German.

>>719854840
Don't have one yet, and if I could get away with killing someone, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

>>719854851
Nothing better to do than to be a retard in public forum. I'm trying to have conversations with people, and perhaps work some of this shit out. It has a use, I'm doing this with purpose, and (as you can see above) some people might want to talk with someone like me, because they might not know people like me in real life.

Your arguments make no sense, and you're just proving my point further that you're a fucktard. By all means, give me more ammunition, I find this hilarious.

>>719854675
Ha damn, like a twisted Alex Grey painting is what I'm imagining you talking about. I guess I imagined something more "ethereal". I never imagined hell being a physical place. Maybe projected to make it look and feel physical (I.e. My life lol) but I imagine something non physical to just automatically be soothing and heavenly for some reason.

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>>719854675
>>719854333

Well, emotions are chemical compounds so rather than playing nerves they are playing chemists. Except if they are controlling our motor functions then its self explanatory.

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>>719854968
Top kek. N-No I'm good! W-We was just playin' ya see? We didn't mean no harm, just kiddin' around is all. Kek.

>>719855081
Thanks. Lots of good GETs tonight.

>>719855247
Maybe that's why you don't trust doctors and meds?

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>>719855170
>>719854851

So do you experience these threads like a sort of therapy?

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>>719855171
That's an interesting way of looking at it. I always imagined Hell as extremely physical, like that's all there is. There is no escape of thoughts, there is only the physical, because sinners chose physical pleasures over spiritual virtue. That's my idea, anyway, while Heaven is a more ethereal place like you said.

>>719855247
I don't really buy into that. I have a firm belief that thoughts and consciousness is more than just purely chemical. Obviously emotions are influenced and caused by chemicals, but I don't think the entirely of human thought is physical like that. Also badass album, Papa Franku is the fucking bomb.

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>>719855423
>>719855247

Well to be honest I just can't wait until I die, there's several sources and facts on how the brain produces its own MDA in huge quantities after your heart stops, setting you up for the trip of your lifetime.

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>>719855395
Yeah, more or less. I don't really come here to get better, only to gain insight from other anons. Nice image, totally saving.

Thanks, Lori.

>>719855620
I've heard of that, and it could be possible. But I also don't believe it's possible to stretch a finite amount of time into an infinite amount of time. No matter how much you slow things, it still will eventually come to an end.

>>719855423
My personal definition of hell is just separation from God. Whatever the duck that really means. Just being alone by yourself in a perfect projected reality completely based on you. Hell is personal. If that means physical for you? Then maybe you're worst fear is actually feeling something real. My worst fear is feeling something unreal. Like as poetic as the idea of angels playing me like an instrument feels, that's also terrifying because I'm absolving all control over to this "higher being" like... Physically? Yeah okay a bear can mail me to death, cool. But an angel? Fuck dude... Who knows what Michael could do given the chance

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>>719855706

Yeah, I just hope it'll be enough time to last until I find peace.

>>719855717
Lots of people believe that. But what is separation from God? God is what supposedly provides everything good, be it happiness, existence even, or any number of positive things. Hell could just be oblivion, because without God observing you, maybe you cease to exist entirely.

>>719855909
Exactly. You can only hope you'll be ready when the time comes. I hope you do find peace, anon.

>>719855717
Just to clarify, separation from God = pure sweet, 100%, added pulp: ego and all the entails. It of course takes the good to couple with the terrible which is why I feel sometimes like the life we are living now is hell. What better torture for a soul than an incredibly personal one. One where you always feel so close to attaining whatever it is that's closest to your heart, only to have it squandered in some strangely personal way... Of course it's only me saying it so who knows if you get what I'm saying haha

>>719855170
We're are you from if you don't mind me asking?

>>719856049
No, it sounds very plausible. I'm with you there, anon.

>>719856059
A shit small town in East Texas. I hate it here, but I hate libtards so this is as good as I'll get.

>>719856119
>Anonymous
Okay good there's a real cancermancer kid that picked up the idea I'm schizo and other metal illnesses he just one day was like up I'm all these things lel

>>719855921
2 things.
1. You're implying God means good. I should have explained but I meant God in the sense of unity, universe, oneness, etc. just pure understanding of both good and bad or neither/or. However it works in the grand scheme of things. And 2. Who's to say God is separate in observation? With the first point I made, it implies that in some way shape or form, you either are God, or in some way related to god so to not be observed and not exist doesn't make sense. Even on a quantum level as if not observed I would just be "potential energy" or a wave so in some way I still exist

>>719856272
Oh, fuck that lol. Nah, I arrived at this conclusion from months of reading about it, hours a day almost every day. I hate self-diagnosis, but I couldn't see anyone at the time, so I just made sure I at least semi-knew what I was talking about before throwing it out there.

>>719856339
It's an interesting way of seeing things. It's just not the one aligned with my beliefs, so it doesn't resonate with me as well, but you do you anon. It's definitely an interesting way to think about it.

>>719849539
Be aware of 3 things
Your senses
Your emotions
And your logic

>>719856489
What was your email again? I'd love to continue this convo if you're interested.

>>719856585
[email protected]

I'm busy a lot, but I'd love to continue as well.

>>719850325
What questions do you have about life that you think will stop your concerning if answered

Hello OP, I've taken a DNA test and have found a lot about my genetics. One of the things I learned was that I am at an extremely high risk for Schizophrenia. What are the beginning tell-tale signs of Schizophrenia?

>>719856694
I have questions, but I don't know how to word them. They aren't about life in general like normal people have, I'm talking about things that probably don't exist, like magic or the like.

>>719856800
Detachment from reality, not seeing others as actually existing like you do, delusions about things that are preposterous, episodes of extreme emotion, distant behavior, etc.

>>719850936
That demonolgy magic shit

Everyone on earth has been brainwashed to think that stuff has magic powers

Its actually you just doing to yourself because of fear
Fear is not an emotion, doesn't exist fear is reasoning trying to solve the fear situation

Bro remember this
All fear stems from time
I figured that out because time is a perception, governed by how many events occur at the same momement as the clock ticks

>>719856670
Cool. Albeit I don't believe myself to be schizotypal I have had drug induced psychosis and I understand a lot of what you're saying and feeling on a more microscopic level and would love to talk with someone who actually goes through that on the day to day.
On a side note I have been told that I'm pretty weird and unique but I've always let incredibly social. I just feel awkward and feel like I think to much kinda thing.

>>719856802
You're talking about why are we driven to do what we do and is my love real

Something kinda like that?

>>719856951
I believe it exists not because I'm told, but because I feel like it does, despite what my intellect tells me. I know what you mean, fear never stand up to time, if you wait long enough, fear will fade away, but in my case fear stretches time, and while it does go away, it seems like it takes forever.

>>719856992
I know what you mean, and I'd love to talk with you as well. I look forward to it.

>>719856800
The fact that you probably will have no idea you are experiencing schizophrenia to be honest. Not OP but a major tell tale sign is not having any sense of external reality in the way you understand it now. The part of the brain that's basically the troubleshoot just sort of shuts down and you can't tell there's a problem. Other people close to you will definitely notice for sure though

>>719857131
No, I don't care about those things. I don't care about the meaning of life, I care about magic, I care about power, and how we can escape this plane, or at least change it to be something more.

>>719857251
>having people close to you

It's bred from isolation in the first place

>>719857251
OP here, this is pretty accurate. I only know I'm crazy because I'm (at least I hope) intelligent enough to realize it. Logically I see it, but I don't feel like there is something wrong with me, but the raw feeling is that something is right with me, that others don't have.

>>719857251
I believe I may have Schizophrenia now

>>719857320
No? It's primarily genetic but it's a neurological thing. Yes, schizophrenia latent patients may be more introverted but there are many cases of social, outgoing individuals who from some trigger begin to show signs. Usually caused by traumatic stress like a bad trip, a close death, built up stress like college or a shitty relationship. But, again, it's latent so it's corellation not causation. Schizophrenia itself DOES cause isolation for sure due to paranoia for sure

>>719857141
Ok how about this

All fear stems from time that you have

>>719857320
This as well. I spent the good part of my life isolated from everyone, as I was homeschooled in the fucking backwoods with almost no contact outside of my house. It fucked with me and my perception of the world, so it just made my condition worse. Now, I'm surrounded by people, but I'm emotionally isolated. Isolation is the catalyst, that's for certain.

>>719857532
Go see someone, or read up on it extensively. You very well may have it, or at least the early signs of it.

>>719857620
Fair enough, that sounds about right kek.

>>719857310
Yes but you have to step back and realise that is temporary, you won't be happy

Happiness comes from new knowledge
New knowledge comes from memory when think about

i remember watching a lecture where the professor said that people with schizophrenia often have thing about things very concretely - having trouble with metaphors and idioms, and difficulty with abstract thinking. he also said that self mutilation especially genital mutilation is common. i'm curious what your experience is.

>>719857628
Sounds like a good idea. I've noticed the symptoms becoming worse or maybe appearing during the time I've become isolated. Now I am almost completely isolated at 20 and my mental condition is pretty bad, although it was way worse at times in the past.

>>719857528
>>719857555
That's what I feel schizotypal is. Like, OP, the part of your brain that troubleshoots and is able to tell "something" is off (non-homeostatic) is still functioning, but psychosis is powerful and stress is the common factor in most mental dysfunction. Like even "functioning" adults under stress cannot compute properly. It's no wonder why with the schizo "overtone" plus a functioning brain why you come out so unique

>>719857807
I don't believe that, but I do believe happiness comes from knowledge. I hunger for knowledge of any kind, but I do think that there is a point in which I will have had enough to be happy, not that I'd stop, however.

>>719857806
You don't fear a fight or the pain you fear that if you fuck up he might do more you won't have time

Then when u accept death u don't even fear anymore!!
You are in control bro


False Evidence Appearing Real

>>719857852
It's iffy for me. I love metaphors, when I can understand them. I often feel like I'm too dense, like I can't grasp what others are saying if they don't outright say it. Self-mutilation is something I have a very specific opinion of. I hurt myself at times, but out of a sense of penance, to alleviate (though it never works) guilt, and when "they" tell me to enough to convince me. I don't cut myself, it leaves evidence and I don't allow anyone to see what I do. I normally whip myself, and because I never take off my shirt - no one knows. I despise self-harm for the purpose of attention.

>>719857858
Oh, I see. I'll be sure to think about that, and research more. Thank you.

>>719850325
the definition of a delusion is that you dont recognise it as a delusion.

not having empathy with others is normal. im 23 and i have zero empathy. but i fake it very well.

being paranoid is normal. its a healthy trait.

take some drugs to mellow yourself out man. sometimes anxiety makes symptoms worse.
got any benzos?
or maybe some phenibut since its an easy to get supplement.

>>719858003
I don't have any idea what the fuck you are talking about. You're gonna have to try harder on your English, bro. Not trying to be a dick or anything.

>>719858065
I don't know man. I don't always maintain my logic. I'm easily convinced of my delusions, and it takes a lot to realize they are delusions.

>>719851310
why do u like talk like that

>>719858065
Not have empathy is NOT normal. Like maybe I'm jumping the gun but if you mean at ALL? Then no, it's not. You should at least feel something with those who you respect or feel close too. And paranoia to what extent? Like fearing a shady looking individual? Sure. The government? At this day and age? Reasonable. But the weatherman? Or the guy you never knew at all before until this very moment because you just happened to notice he's wearing the same colored tie as the communists? Don't think so pal. In moderation, sure a pretty good defense mechanism but otherwise no

>>719858065
Like maybe for you that's normal. But unless something caused that like a negative experience or trauma? No way that's normal

>>719856585
>>719856670
>>719856992

Hey anons, im an artfag that has similar experiences with all y'all and what ya said ITT has been really interesting. Id like to email you and i dunno, maybe show you some of my art about this sort of thing Whats all the emails? sorry lil drunk to type

>>719858161
Look man what im saying is its not normal to change reactions so quick
Therefore the reasoning governs ur emotions
Meaning when u fear its just u doing it to urself to pump ur body(natural instict)

>>719858775
[email protected]

I'm OP. I'd be happy to see what you've got, and maybe even give you some ideas should you need them.

>>719858803
That isn't true. Fear is more than survival, especially when you fear things that aren't real, like I do. What's the point in losing sleep over thoughts of being that aren't real? There is no evolutionary explanation for that.

>>719858775
Mine is [email protected]. I'm an artist as well. Also musician lol

>>719857867
When u realise it's not ur emotions that make u happy its memory u will be aware of why ur desires just keep growing but the weirdeness of just doesn't go away

>>719858955
Also, chekkked

>>719858891
Thats why is said all fear stems from time

>>719858955
Nice, I love music. You're gonna have to email me, I'm too high to just send and not reply kek.

>>719858989
Dude, I'm trying not to be rude, but I don't think you understand what I'm getting at man.

>>719858026
why does mommy make you feel guilty, if you don't mind me asking.

i've always thought that 'loose lips sink ships' was a great metaphor - even without a particular tendency towards literal thinking i find myself imagining huge lips coming up out of the water and sucking boats down into the deep.

>>719858775
>>719858891
>>719858955
We should all collab or something. (This is Johnnybedside) idk if you, osmondgardener, do art or Muzak but I'm alway down for collabs and critiques

>>719850325
>no diagnosis
>then this

Diagnosed schizo here, you just sound like an edgy retard.

>>719858775
What's your email, mister?

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>>719859199
You missed the retard bandwagon. Sorry, anon. Better luck next time.

>>719859162
>>719859253

yeah that be cool. i do mostly drawings, digital art sometimes, and done animations too. ill send ya an email in the morning when im fully awake and sober

>>719858989
You sound like someone who focuses on the past in this almost magical way. Wouldn't be surprised if you had a diaper fetish

>>719859345
No worries, I'm a tad drunk myself lol. Excited to work/chat with you Anon

Hey OP, I used to have thoughts like yours. I recommend trying Adderall. Adderall saved my life and made go from an introvert with intrusive thoughts and edgy interests (demonology, hentai (lol)) to an extrovert that is now getting a degree and has had one of the best couple years of his life. I have great fucking friends, about 3 different man circles of them, I'm in good shape, I'm happy and I'm really excited for the future and the now. I took Adderall for a year, once a week, and learned to appreciate schooling and fast thinking. I thought more logically and loved conversating and debating. That was two years ago. I now take st johns wort as a mood stabilizer, although I began using it as an antidepressant. Please OP, consider a pharmacological approach. You don't need to go to the doctor. Just find some Adderall or go to the vitamin store for some SJW. Life is fucking great man, and you just gotta grow into it, neuroplasticize and all.

>>719859074
Yeah but its all YOUR perseption

U understand what im getting at
Ur looking for answers for ur desires and im telling u to be aware of that

Don't question ur desires and fall deeper

Stop liking what others like
Stop living in a movie
Start to question ur perseption of reality before reality

>>719859329
Schizos aren't self aware.

Off meds, Even if very intelligent they can't rationally realize they're being irrational.

Pretending to have such a shitty disease for attention.. I'm speechless. Tumblr is that way

>>719858775
>artfag is """ interested""" in mental illness

t art major freshman that thinks mental illness gives magical fairy creativity dust

You're only gonna get responses from people just like you. Not those that are actually Ill

>>719859457
Psych. Adderall is the worst thing for someone who may have a predisposition with schizophrenia. That shits practically medical meth and meth in its purest form can induce permanent psychosis to those with the latency. Given what OP has talked about and his own disclosure of experience I honestly think long term usage with that drug would fuck him over. Talk to a doctor OP. More reliable than us fucks in /b/ land

Alright, OP here. I'm going to head off now and try and get some fuckin sleep. You guys have a good one, thank you for the amazing conversations tonight. I'll be on again at some point. Take care.

>>719859670
Worked for me man. Maybe I'm a normie lol. But that neuroplasticity tho

>>719859643
lol someone's triggered

>>719849539
I have scizophrenia in my bloodline and don't really want to end up like that. Now that you look back on your life, without delusion, is there anything that contributed in becoming mentally ill?

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>>719859643
Dude... That's just like, your opinion, man.

>>719859723
Not trying to knock you off your high horse, bud, but considering what OP was talking about. What was once neuroplasticity is hardened clay that sounds pathological at this point. I'm glad it worked for you. Even I have had great experiences with adderall. It's just knowing chemically and psychologically what it may do to him I just got to put in my 2 cents

>>719859643

At least someone says something coherent in this thread.

>>719860137
I appreciate the feedback. I am probably wrong in suggesting an amphetamine to OP, just wanted to let him know there's some way to reach hope and mine was through that chemical. But you're right. It would probably do him more harm than good.

>>719860192
faggot

>>719860288
The ACTUAL most coherent thing said in this thread

>>719859643
faggot

>>719860288
Also checked

>>719859199
faggot

>>719860288
>>719860377
Damn, double checked

>>719860364
faggot

>>719860391
faggot

>>719860458
faggot

>>719860421
faggot

>>719860506
faggot

>>719860589
ffaaggoott

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>self diagnosed

>>719860646
faggot

>>719860698
faggot

>>719860722
Czech'd faggot

>>719860722
>>719860377
>>719860288
damn nigger with you check'd

>>719860776
faggot