Neckbeards and their pick up lines
>Be a simple average Joe
>Hear about things called "fluffies" from co-worker
>Says that they are fun to fuck around with
>See a fluffy store selling them for 4.99 a foal
>Walk into store and hear a fucking tidal wave of what sounds like little retarded children
>Walk up to desk
>"Hey is this where I can get a fluffy pony?"
>(Wait what, why the fuck did I ask something I already know the answer to?)
>"Okay, can I see them so I can pick one out?"
>"Sure, follow me"
>Walk to a kennel filled out the ass with the little shits
>At the sight of me the things start saying shit such as "Nyu Daddeh?" or some shit (I was not paying attention as they all were talking at THE SAME FUCKING TIME)
>"I'll take... That uhh, red one with the wings"
>Buy the thing and some food,it cost around 12 buck plus tax (I bought a few pounds of the shit)
>Go back to my house
>Hear small whimpering and chirping
>Open the box that I had the fluffy in
>HOLY FUCKING SHIT
>Shit literally everywhere in the box
>and in the middle of it was the red pegasus fluffy trying not to drown in it's own shit
>*Box used protect, But it failed!*
>The shit splatters everywhere, literally fucking GODDAMN EVERYWHERE
>I caught the foal just in the nick of time
>relief... For about a FUCKING SECOND
>I AM NOT LETTING THIS GODDAMN SHIT STAIN OFF THE FUCKING HOOK
>As gently as I can I lay it down on the table...
>I forgot that it was covered in shit...
> I go into the bathroom to strip down, shirt only though
>Go into bedroom to find my least favorite sock
>I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going
>I'm whipping it around like fucking nun-chucks
>I even slammed it onto the treadmill on the highest speed
>after I satiated my blood thirst I remembered how much I paid for the shitrat
>"Whatever, best way to spend Five bucks I'd say"
>Oh... Right... The fluffy food...
Shall I continue?
thanks for the bump
the real autism is over there
>"I'll deal with that later, my main priority is cleaning this fucking house"
>Went back to entrance
>I guess in my rage I didn't much care for the stench
>I'm gonna need help if I'm gonna to clean this up
>Call up co-worker
>"Yo, whats up?"
>"I need help cleaning up shit"
>"I got one of those fluffies you talked about, the only thing you didn't mention was that they are literally full of shit"
>"What happened to the fluffy?"
>"I killed it"
>"So can you help me?"
>"S-sure man just let me get some shit to help you understand fluffies first so it doesn't happen again"
>I really don't want to talk about how awful the cleaning process was
>Long story short, we could both bathe in an acid bath and still not feel clean
>He showed me what to do and what not to do with fluffies
>Even handed me enough money to buy two of 'em incase I kill one again
>I thank him and head back to the fluffy shop
>"Yeah, I was here yesterday and sorta, accidentally, brutally murdered the foal I bought yesterday"
>"So your back for a new one?"
>"Okay, follow me"
>Pick out a shy looking pegasus from the "Special Foals" box
>"That'll be 35.68"
>"You picked out a Fluffyshy, pretty much a rare foal, so they cost more"
>Proceed to buy a fluffy... Again
>"Try not to kill this one"
>"Yeah, as if I'm killing something that's as much as my current clothing"
>on the way back to the car I notice the fluffy's whimpering
>Why is it whimpering?
>*Sigh* (can't believe I'm going to ask an animal this) "Are you okay?"
>*Eep!* "Scawy Munsta!"
>I'll just deal with this when I get home...
Alright... No fedora fag...
>I arrive with the tiny fluffy foal in my arms
>It's still pretty damn scared
>How am I supposed to deal with this...
>oh right, fluffies pretty want spaghetti out the wazoo
>start boiling water as the foal gets a good feel of it's surroundings
>I forgot a goddamn litterbox
>I'll just get one as soon as the spaghetti's done
>Half an hour later I see the fluffy curled up in a ball, apparently sleeping
>pasta's done all I need are the sauce and meatballs
>I quickly slip out to get a litterbox
>Took me atleast 5 minutes at the most
> I come back to YET MORE SHIT
>"I really have no one to blame but myself and that fluffy"
>As luck would have it I bought a "sorry-stick" and found the fluffy
>I hit the things as gently as I could as to not kill it, repeatedly saying "Bad Fluffy!"
>I introduce the fluffy to the litterbox saying that if it shits in there it wont get the sorry-stick
>It somehow understood (Hallelujah!)
>I go back to preparing the spaghetti
>As soon as I'm done the fluffy clearly notices there is spaghetti, but is still pretty fucking scared
>Lay down a bowl of the spaghetti just in front of the Fluffyshy
>That place must've not been feeding it well because she ate it in one sitting
>A tiny but audible belch came from it's tiny mouth
>I couldn't help but chuckle
>Obviously it was scared by it
>This fucking thing was always scared
>Time to try and pet the thing
>As I gently stroked the foal from it's head to it's tail, it slowly grew more comfortable with it
>Its been a few months since you got your Fluffyshy
>You're with her most of the time (Except when you go to work obviously)
>And then you hear the words that any fluffy owner immediately hades
>"Fwuffyshy wan babbehs!"
>Of fuck not this bullshit
>In the manual that you got from your buddy it said that once a fluffy wants to be a mother it wouldn't stop requesting to be one until it was
>The manual said that a rare case was a fluffy still wanting to be one WHILE its pregnant
>In that case the fluffy is a fucking retard
>But then again ALL fluffies are fucking stupid
>You reply with a stern uncomforting "No" and she just goes fucking ballistic
>Of course nothing a few rounds with the sorry stick couldn't fix
>Dummeh daddeh huwt Fwuffyshy, nu cawe wat daddeh say, wan babbehs!
Does anyone enjoy where this story is headed so far?
not the same effect, they have to cry for mommy
>You head for work
>You make sure to lock up before you head out
>And just to be safe you duct tape the fluffy door shut
>Of course if a big animal decided to get in they could
>But after the recent rant of "Want babbehs!" from Fluffyshy you have to, else she disobeys and gets pregnant because of some feral shitpile anyway
>You get done and look at it
>Should keep 'em out
>Daddeh am gone fow wowk, dummeh daddeh, dat give fwuffyshy time fow fine speshawl fwiend
>You push at the fluffy door with all you strength, but no dice
>Why dummeh doow nu wowk?
>You see a gray thing at the bottom of the door flap
>"Gway fing nu wet fwuffy out of housie, gway fing wet gu ob doow ow get wowstest owwies!"
Gotta post this quick to bump the thread
>You try for hours and hours but the gray thing wont budge
>You think to yourself if you ask it nicely it'll let go of the door
>Missa Gway Ting pwease wet gu ob doow, pwease?
>You continue to push not realizing that it was a futile effort in the first place
>Not to long after you hear a ripping sound
>"Huh? Wat am noisie?"
>The noise stops to reveal another fluffy
>"Dat fwuffy muss be stwonges an' smawties' fwuffy ebba!"
>You carefreely head towards it, not wondering, or not caring that there might be danger
>"Nyu speshawl fwiend? Gib Fwuffyshy babbehs?"
>The other fluffy doesn't talk, which is strange
>The way it talked when it finally did speak reminded you of daddeh
>Like with daddeh, the other fluffy replied with a "No"
>"Why nu gib babbehs?"
>The other fluffy then talks in words you don't understand stuff like "because you don't just ask some random fluffy to be your special friend, it takes consideration to actually know if you want to be a mother or not, and besides, we arent even of the same color! I'm a grey and white unicorn fluffy, and clearly you are a special bred pegasus fluffy, with a glorious yellow and pink collor pattern..."
>The other fluffy keeps speaking in that same tone of voice and way of talking, you still don't understand, but you try to listen, as it sounds important...
Can anyone guess who this new fluffy is?
it's one of those little things people here get perfectly and by total accident, usually unaware of what they are doing.
fluffies were designed as creatures with mental capacity of a 3yo. for a child, a person is their head. later, child starts to notice that people have hands and legs and drawings of children depict heads with hands and legs sticking out of them.
only later children start to notice torso and finer detail of human anatomy.
by leaving the head for last, or leaving it at all, as many artists depict it, they minimize damage to the foal.
i wonder if the person who introduced the whole phenomenon to the fluffy fandom was aware of this or simly got it intuitively
aids for troll enablers
It'll come, just taking a break for now,
to be honest I'm bad at endings, so it'll just be, like, an emotional rollercoaster, then a big fucking cliffhanger, I'm just bad with ending things I guess
>After what seemed like 50 forevers of talking daddeh came home
>"What the hell...?"
>"Ah! Sorry, sir, this must be your house... O-of course I'll be leaving imme-"
>"Nope! You aren't going anywhere!"
>"If you're wondering no I didn't have "Special Huggies" with your mare, I was just giving her a lecture about why she SHOULDN'T be a mother to some random bastar- err... Foals"
>The way the fluffy speaks soothes your soul for some reason, and obviously its telling the truth seeing as your Fluffyshy had SIX HOURS WORTH OF SHIT BEHIND IT
>"Well, what do I call you exactly? Fluffy... shitrat... Pig-Hamster...?
>"Greg, I don't my real name so let's go with Greg"
>"Ooookay, well clearly you decided to tresspass in my house for SOME reason, and what might that be?"
>Oh, right, I forgot that I was starving, I guess i was too deep into lecturing this... Fluffyshy, was it?"
>"Well you can stay for the rest of the day, so long as you don't shit on the carpet... Speaking of which..."
>You head to your bedroom to find the flyswatter, you had read that it pretty much hurt fluffies alot
>You head back, finding Fluffyshy trying to hide, but luckily Greg pointed her out for you (What a trooper)
>With 10 swift wacks to the ass, side, and head you teach Fluffyshy a lesson she wont for get
You missed part 1 retard
Anyway, the author is shadysmarty, this comic is his best by far IMHO too bad he keeps doing that dashie mlp crap instead of more stories like these
pictures show up in threads when you post them, nut just bump
Here's a quick story fron your good ol' uncle Anon
>You come home and sit down on your couch
>you find that your mare has been impregnated by some asshat smarty, whom you dealt with using a crowbar
>An idea pops in your head, let the mare give birth, then throw her in the oven
>You promise that that will happen to her
>3 months later the foals are born
>There are 5 in total, one red, one teal, one violet, one gray, and one black as coal
>As you said, you threw her into the oven and turned it on
>Bear in mind that her name was jewel
>As you see her trying to get out you turn it to the highest temperature
>You decide to make to foals watch as their momma is baked alive
>They cry of course and you just laugh maniacally
>you go into the yard when Jewel's done baking
>You take out an airsoft rifle and stuck 1 foal into a bottle each
>as thew try to get out to hug each other you've already taken aim
>One by one they fall like dominoes
>The glass kills 'em after a minute of pain
>With a grin on your face you bury them all and return to watching TV, finally rid of those shitrats
This stuff is awesome, this guy is the only artist on the booru that's keeping it alive. The art style's great as well, really unique and not just crappy drawings like everything else recently
(Pic related, it's mine)
why post faggy shit chocobo man?
no. they are created to speak like idiots.
Unfortunately, yeah, but there's still some good stuff getting uploaded every now and then.
I just wish people could vote on the best ones and create a 'top-rated' area with filters. But oh well, it's not as if i'm gonna do it so i dont think i deserve to complain. More a suggestion really.
thanks. much better.
wish we could ban anons (myself included) on the booru
Fucking seriously. Booru is going through a dead period because the toxic community has been driving off most of the new artists, about the only content creators left are that memelord faggot Foalout4 who doesn't even write anymore and a bunch of drama queens constantly shitting on each other.
Only thing I check for anymore is Hornlarry's choose your own adventure updates.
I see you are talking about Wetfluff who DOES draw good stuff every now and then,
>a bunch of drama queens constantly shitting on each other
This is what I was agreeing with. I hate anthro and he loves posting it to disgust people.
don't forget wolfram
>With Greg in the house for the night you re-tape the fluffiy door shut, and use fishing hooks just incase
>You feed the pig-hamster some ham and hit the hay
>Next day you find that Fluffyshy raped Greg in his sleep
>She was too into wanting to be a mother to care
>Looks like Greg will have to stay to see his offspring (Before I throw them in the garbage disposal)
>A few months later the foals come
>You nearly drown all of the foals by cleaning them
>Another month later and the fluffies have the first signs of manes
>You sort through the foals to see if there is another Fluffyshy among them
>Yup, right there in the middle
>Pick it up and put it on the table
>You also researched the special fluffies
>seems that only two of them where in the midst of the foals
>A fluffyshy and a Rarity
>You then proceed to hock all others because why the hell not
>Greg understood that you would do that, hell, you even told him you would
>Still made him angry though
>"What in the Nine Circles of Hell are you doing?!'
>"Greg fuck off"
>The sweet sound of the screeching was a glorious thing
>Your fluffyshy was obviously heartbroken
>She then tries to kill you
>*Fluffyshy used bite! But it Failed!*
>Proceed to pick up fluffyshy and a knife
>Greg is fucking scared
>Repeatedly stab Fluffyshy in the vagina
>Doesn't matter, you still have the Foals
>Slam her into the sink and turn on the garbage disposal
>A minute and a half later nothing is left of the fluffyshy
>You then attempt to win back trust with spaghetti
>Spaghetti fixes everything
I'm bored and this ending is shit, goodbye.
>ooh nice place you have here anon
I even cleaned everything up for my bf
>teehee anon you're so funny
Well if you like funny stuff let me show you my MS paint fluffy abuse collection
>anon wtf is this?
It's pretty neat huh?
>I think I'm going to leave
>please don't call me any more
And once this thread sages you scatter all over the site whining that you have no girlfriends.
Plenty of girls drawing fluffies getting rekt you dumb faggit
Assuming there are not girls here because we aren't a bunch of faggots talking about girly shit is why you are still a virgin retard
There was a weird ending after he took her home after buying her, here:
>Arrive at house
>The foal is still calling me "Scawy Munsta!"
>I start laughing maniacally
>The Fluffyshy shits itself in fear of what'll happen next
>"I, Diego Brando, will show you the true meaning of 'Scary Monsters'!"
>Start morphing into a dinosaur, more specifically a Deinonychus
>When the transformation is completed The fluffyshy is more than scared shitless
>You should have imagined the look on its face as I devoured it
>Assuming there are not girls here because we aren't a bunch of faggots talking about girly shit is why you are still a virgin retard
>This fucking tumblr tier line of logic
Wow you really out did yourself fucktard.
I remember when I posted something on a Ylyl thread, it was about mayonnaise being a gender, I helped spot an SJW in our midst and because of that I think I started the whole argument of "Go back to tumblr and defend mayonnaise as a gender" thing (Pretty sure I'm fucking wrong though)
I like this one.
nope. march of last year.