i dont know why im making this, i guess i just want closure or something. i can see there is no place in this world for me, and im tired of disappointing everyone i meet. i know no one cares but i really dont know how much longer i can keep "sucking it up" and being "tired". if you share anything thanks i guess.
Well if I have learned anything from being online is that no matter what someone posts , there is always someone who identifies........Even if we can't call each other true friends ...we can take comfort in knowing we can continue to eeek along just for the small and few Laugh out loud moments we can have with others ...even if artificially.
I'm feeling pretty good about most things in my life right now. Not everything is going 100%, but things could be worse and if I'm honest with myself they're not bad. Plus I'm working toward other things to make it better again.
I know that's not in line with what you really meant by a feels thread; but there are also feels other than being a miserable, joyless bore.
>>719012088 i feel its both >>719012364 im scared to be completely on my own i mean i have friends and family but i can feel it when people talk to me. its a sort of why are you here type tone. ive never really been good at anything and ive missed out on a lot of stuff because of it, mostly because ive developed this fear of failure so i dont hang out with friends or i flake out on them cause i dont want to dig my hole anydeeper
>>719012915 >>719012775 thank you both. i stopped seeing a therapist a couple years ago and even then i didnt open up to him all that much. i only ever truely opened up to my girlfriend and best friend of 2 years about this kind of stuff but she is long gone out of my life now >>719013019 and kek, i honestly didnt expect a positive response like this thank you to every one in this post
I think about suicide almost everyday, not really that i'd do it but just the concept of just not worrying anymore is something very attractive. I have fun online and even have a lot of friends that care for me but im always so afraid that ill lose everything and live in a downward spiral. I also have ADD and have put off college because of a fear of failure and my highschool life was filled with disappointment from everyone because I had what it took but I never applied myself because I didnt enjoy it. Should I get some kind of help?
>>719013007 You're letting yourself be controlled by your fears. I know how that feels, I've spent the last 4 and a half years working myself out of stress induced depression and anxiety. One thing that comforts me is the notion of "People don't really think of you as much as you think of them thinking of you. Rarely do they think as negatively of you as you do yourself." Go look up cognitive behavioral psychology and mindfulness meditation. Those two things have helped me a lot. When this shit started for me, I had to use about 8 hours just to psyche myself up to go grocery shopping, now I can just go if I need to.
I feel you. You feel like a brick in a wall and that you're screaming but nobody is hearing it, right?
I can tell you're in a situation that involved a routine of some sort like school, work, or whatever and it feels like you're stuck in your current position.
If you don't fit that description, stop reading here.
You, my friend, need change. Do something new, find a hobby, hire a prostitute in Nevada, interview cannibal warlords of Liberia. Do something. Anything that you can think of that will be different and get you out of the current situation that you're in now, if not temporary than permanently.
>>719013637 Another thing that is good to remember is, that you are not unique in feeling like this. So many people before you have gone through this and so many people in the future will go through it. If you're open about how you feel and openly deal with it, you're making space for others to chime in and figure out that they are not alone in those emotions. Just be honest with yourself and others. Give them a chance to say no thanks before you unburden yourself though, if they ask you how you feel, answer with "You really want to know or are you in for a polite answer right now?"
I saw the girl I like with her bf, I regret not making a move last year when she talked to me daily but then it stopped. I wish I can get rid of her in my mind but I'm stuck, I tried for almost 2 years that's seems beta but if you understand then you know how hard it is.. I feel like this >>719012485
>>719015166 You should go out and meet more people anon, it won't be the girl you wanted a year ago, but once you meet someone who attracts you and who are attracted back, your emotions for the first girl will fade.
>>719015285 Go find a gap year job anon, something that gives you a bit of work experience while you figure out what you want to do with your life. Combine that with a social hobby and you'll be good to go for a bit. You don't have to have your entire life planned yet, you're still young.
>>719015166 Same happened to me used to like me but i was to oblivious to notice except she sends nudes to a guy now and is so possessive even though he does stuff with other girls she gets mad at him but does stuff a few days later. It makes me made cause the commitment to another person no repercussion and it hurts that someone is willing to be there for her
>>719015690 As I said above to the op, cognitive behavioral psychology and mindfulness meditation could help you a lot. Also the way to minimize social anxiety is to expose yourself to the situations that scare you and normalize yourself in them. Go to a social place to do your hobbies, someone is bound to like your humor if you get out there and meet them.
OP here i wanted to say thank you so much to evryone here in this thread who came to talk. it really does help knowing how so many other people feel and that im not alone, its very warming. i really need to sleep now.
>>719016122 Im not hearing any fundamental, unchangeable problems, just areas you can improve. >work on motivation first bro >carve out some goals from that feeling of want >stick to goals >become alpha >???? >profit! If, you know, the whole white picket fence sounds good to you
/b/ros I feel like shit. I have a few friends back home but at the moment I have none, the people I hang out don't know me, I allways need to be the clown, making something or saying some shit so that they notice me... Otherwise they'd just ignore me. Plus every time I look at the mirror I feel like shit... No I'm not a fat ass nerd, I guess I could call myself normal but not thin, plus I'm a manlet( approx 5'6), my hair is wavy shit, I don't have a defined jaw, I'm not strong or menacing. I'm a hand hold virgin, like I never even got to hold a girl's hand romanticaly, but I guess it's by choice seeing that I've rejected some girls for being shit, but I guess some of them were 6/10... I sometimes feel like the fucking Sun, and then it seems like a bomb drops and I'm pure unrefined shit... I'm too young (19) to feel like this /b/ros and I don't know what to do, and like I have no idea what to do with my life from now on...
>>719017885 So you're telling me to become the ultimate narcissistic, because sometimes I am, principaly when I have people I know with me, I just go around trying to prove how much of a hot shot I am, but I don't feel like that that much, I mean I do feel smarter than most people even thought I've never actually focused on my studies in the end of High School...
I'm so tired anons, I've been tired for about 5 years now I don't sleep at night not because I have insomnia when I'm lying in bed and everything is quiet I can only hear every failure and obsess about what other people think about me and so I turn back the computer just so I don't have to be alone with my thoughts.
>>719017829 I don't actually know,I guess I could say I leave home feeling like the boss and come back thinking I'm shit, sometimes I leave feeling like garbage and come back the same. I used to go to a therapist since I was 12, I've been diagnosted with OCD and I guess borderline depression. Last year I visited a psychiatrist for 2 sessions but the "medicine"(homeopathy) he gave me didn't feel like shit. Then I moved and my suicide thoughts vanished for awhile, but I still feel like a nuisance to most people that I talk, and most people are a nuisance to me... Guess I'm just a depressed asshole... Btw my dad was full on bipolar, is it hereditary?
>>719018815 Yeah it can be hereditary. Go look for a cognitive behavioral psychologist for your depression. If you are actually bipolar, homeopathy will do jack shit for you, since it's usually a hormonal imbalance screwing you over.
>>719014757 I dunno, man. I'm not OP, but personally I can't think of almost any situation where I could let my true emotions out, and not be judged for it. Only time I could are around my 2 normie friends, who can't relate at all, or my one friend who feels more down than I do, and relies on me a little bit to help him out of feeling that way. When would you ever open up like that?
>>719019273 All the time really, people have an easier time understanding you if you're open about how you feel. It takes a lot of hard introspection to do so, but it is rewarding in the end. I've spent 4 and a half years working on being honest like that and it has helped me tremendously. Also let people judge you if they want, if they have no empathy for how you feel, they're not really your friends anyway. As long as you don't go on a constant whine it'll be good for you.
I moved out about a year ago, was 16, am 17 now. My friend said i could come live with him and his mother if i wanted, and given that i hated where i lived i said why not, i wasnt leaving anything behind. Possibly one of the worst decisions in my life, i cant buy a car because i cant open a bank account by myself, if i got a car who's insurance would i be on. im doing online school which i hate, and much like a few of you anons im terrified of whats going to happen in the next year. OP's pic related
>be me >be in highschool >sign up for school talent show >get excited and think "I've always wanted to perform this will go great" >signthatshit.png >practice everyday to not fuck up on stage >go to auditions >do fine just freak out a little bit >they still accept me >practice on stage everyday for a week and get better performing on stage >today'sthebigday.mp4 >4 of my teachers there and a shit ton of my friends >my turn >abouttopissmyself.gif >walk up on stage >make a few jokes and people laugh >sit down to play the piano >start song off and do fine >get to the middle of the song >forget lyrics and fuck up the piano >bomb harder than Hiroshima >walk off stage about to have a panic attack >miss school the next day so I have a 4 day weekend and not see anyone for a while
I'm really disappointing in myself for somehow fucking up the song
>>719011518 >>719012088 You just need to stop worrying. It's a phase everyone's bound to go through at some point. You need motivation to go through all of this. For me..this motivation comes from having true friends (friens with whom you actualy can talk about anything and not be judged)..or a girlfriend..or meet chicks..that shit motivates you like a motherfucker. Read this book - The power of now by Eckhart Tolle. It changed it for me. Once I did MDMA with a friend..it brought our friendship to another level..I didn't know that was possible..the honesty..the trust and the support you will get.
Put a smile on that face, bro, you'll overcome it like I did and like everyone else.
I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. The people I hang out with I don't feel actually like me, I feel like they just humour me. I don't love anyone, I honestly can't even say I love my parents. My entire existence is a facade, hollow and lonely. I know I'm not normal, but is there anyway I can feel less fucking empty?
I'm scared I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't benefit me as much as I benefit them.
I love my girlfriend to death. But in the years we've been dating, I'm the support for finances and emotional things, life in general. She is a glass cannon, gets mad at me and says things to me that would put her to tears in a few seconds. I love this girl. Everyone has their downsides, I've accepted that.
She's also had depression for years. She is very close with her family, they all live close by. But her mother passed away a few weeks ago. My gf already works every other month, not making nearly as much money as I do (we're both minimum wage college students working part time). I have material wants, but a lot of my money goes into supporting both of us while her dad's paychecks go towards the piled up medical bills and keeping their living situation decent.
I recognize she's in a shitty place in life. But it's so fucking hard to want to do so many things, buy things for myself and do what I want, because our lives revolve around her and her anxieties and depression. I love this girl, no doubt. But what will the future hold? Will I be stuck, half-way up the career ladder I want to pursue, because I'm locked down as the sole bread winner? I don't want to carry the fucking team, I want to help.
>>719020667 Yo need the fucking friends bro..you have to look for them. I have this one true friend who is a very tough person to talk to..but he has filters..like everyone..you have to earn their trust and they will open up. MDMA connects people..1 on 1
>>719020667 Yeah, by realizing that you are not alone in feeling like this. That emptiness is probably from a defense mechanism you've employed to avoid feeling bad. You're actually exceedingly normal, plenty of people have felt like that. Go look for help anon, it's worth it and so are you.
It's hard you know, to go out with your friends and have to stand like a fucking idiot when someone starts crying, or to have to fake a response to something you can't relate to. It feels so superficial, and it makes me feel weak. I hate it.
>>719012685 Shit mate. I used to be like you just a week or so back. Then suddendly problems started to arise in my relationship. I mean, it was never perfect but it was never terrible either. Just broke up like two hours or so ago and I'm still a tearful mess. But the only person I could tell is gone. Pretty coincidental that a feelsthread is up just as I came on to try and distract myself.
She spent the last two hours crying and talking to me. I had so many thing to tell her but I didn't know how. I feel like a failure.
>>719021392 Yeah I know it is. I've been where you are and gotten out of it, so it is possible, hard but possible. Getting a cognitive behavioral psychologist and attending mindfulness classes helped me a lot with it.
>>719021043 Bro, you and your girlfriend went through many tough situations and that bounds you together..psychologicaly speaking. If you have dreams you want to pursue you must go do them. If you think she's holding you back help her have dreams of her own and to fight for them. If she doesnt she's definetly holding you back. I understand you love her..but..the saddest (lemme put it this way) thing is that what you feel with her you will feel with the next girl also..I fucking guarantee it.
Was going to make a post like this while at work today. I feel you guys. Wanting to die but thinking of the ones who care. The only reason I have not downed my two bottles of anti depressants is my little brother. I'm 19 and hes 18 but we're closer than anything. I've been out of state for months now and daily I'll sit and fantasize my own death. Never used to dream now they involve me dying or my ex of three years. Shit feels rough but I found a job that treats me like family,and renting from a close friend.only thing I can suggest is to move at your own space "suck it up" doesn't work. Be you just focus on the future involving you as the main role
>>719021875 Thanks for the response. I know she has dreams, I'm just not entirely sure what they are. I think she wants to get into astronomy but she knows that's not a money making career because there's thousands of people who'll do it for free.
I don't want to leave this girl, but I see what you're saying. I just feel stuck. I mean I don't mind it, but I know I want to branch out. It doesn't help I never really got around in hs, but I'm more attractive now and want to achieve a body count higher than 3.
We're both very young. Another thing is that if we ever split up, she'd be a fucking mess. I'm one of a few things holding her together. I don't think she'd kill herself, but I can't see her getting past it. I don't know, I'm just rambling. I don't have anyone to talk to about this.
I broke it off with a girl because I had to be honest with her because I didn't have any feelings for her. I wasn't in the best place could barely hold any feelings for anything so if I held any attraction to her it was dead. Half a year later I grow as a person and I still see her around but she was in a relationship by then and I couldn't tell her anything bout it. I soon begin to find out she shares a lot more interests with me than I knew from politics to Rick and Morty to to views on life and shit even gangster movies. Kills me inside because I know I blew it. One day she texts me out of nowhere asking me if I wanted to go to an art show. OFC I decide to go. When I get there she greets me with a smile and a big hug, we spend the next few hours listening to the live bands, painting and being close to each other and talking bout life (had arm around her but didn't do anything. I gotta go cause shit needs to get done before I can sleep. Tell her and she gives me the biest fucking hug thats lasting a good minute. I don't do anything cause I'm fucking retarded. Now its 2 months later and Im taking 4 tabs of acid and I realize how fucking great she is I text her and she says thanks and she's flattered but that's about it. We keep in touch talking about Trump cause its pretty fucking rare to find another Trump supporter where we're from. One day she's texting me how she thinks of me every time she wears this Rick and Morty pin and she misses me and we should hangout and we decided to hang at six flags "some time during February". I agree but now I see her talking about other guys on snap cause after I see it it disappears. I tell her a bout a new movie coming out and she says she can't and now she's going away in a few months and I don't even know if we're still gonna hangout when she gets back to LA and I need to know how do I get over this girl who is perfect knowing I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life letting her go cause I'm not feeling any better
Hey guys, just another anon here. Apparently I have "Extreme Depression" (according to the test therapist anon on /adv/ recommended anyway). I've been wanting to tell my story for a while now.
>the place in this picture is where my soul belongs >since before I was born, my Dad has walked dogs >I was raised around them. They are my best friends >I could always rely on them for comfort >I never really had many human friends >I had my parents friends, but none my own age I could really call a true friend until a couple of years ago >For most of my childhood, I was a social outcast. A lot of it was my fault for not being able to control my emotions, but I never wanted to be mean to anyone >I've been a slacker in school, and my grades aren't going to get me anywhere. It's too late to fix >I can't torture myself by watching the only people I love and care about slowly grow to hate and resent me >I wouldn't blame them >The dogs are dying /b/ >Almost all of the original pack, my friends, are gone >They died before my eyes as I grew up >Shröeder, Boomer, Jenny, Cassie, Emma, Cody, Maggie, Jack, Luna, Alexis, Luka, the list goes on >Winnie, Lucie and Ivorie don't have long left >Muldoon, Toby, Tony, Rosie, Sparky, Luna, Gus and little Bohdi are all doing well, they'll still go to the park after, I hope >I know these are just names to you, but to me they are my friends; companions through good and bad >Next week I am going to commit suicide >I am going to go say goodbye to everyone who is still alive and then go to where my soul belongs >the place you see in this picture is where my soul belongs >the place you see in this picture is the park, where I got to be with my friends >rain, shine, fights, escapes, I've seen it all >I'm going to do it by the water, so my body will be washed away >if they find it, I want to be buried by the picnic tables where everyone sits and talks, throws the ball, pets stranger's dogs >I'd be happy there
>>719022418 Me again. I had this girl in college..she was very down..low self esteem sometimes..and suicidal. The relationship wasn't healthy but i did it for her just like you..hell we didnt even have sex at some point..but i did it for her. She got past this stage..because everything is just a stage..and then cheated on me and left me..that fucking bitch, man : )) Be ready for anything..you said you.re a 3 i think..my advice for you..it works for everyone: - hit the gym (it boosts your self esteem + it makes you healthy and to look good naked) - read all the books you can (you need them to know shit about anything..ideas will come..plus you gain vocabulary) - watch RSD - real social dynamixs on youtube on how to pick up chicks..it"s good in many ways but it focuses on chick hitting..awesome stuff!!
>>719023367 That is a great looking park, it's just sad that you want to die in it. Things can always get better if you ask for proper help anon. I really hope you change your mind and decide to stay around a bit longer. Getting off the experience of life early can be enticing, but you might miss out on a lot of great stuff if you do it.
>>719023603 I myself am not a 3, but my body count is. I guess I was a bit beta in high school. I tried for some girls, admired others instead. I've been working out regularly with a friend for the last few months. I'm over weight but I'm strong. The gf was supposed to come with us, but her anxiety makes it so she's never comfortable unless it's just us two, but even then she's too sad to go to the gym. Hasn't been in over a month, I'd say.
I know everyone says this, but my gf doesn't have the capacity to cheat. She doesn't have many of her own friends, either. She was bullied in high school, and the people she was friends with were either toxic, leeches, shitty people in general or fucking annoying. So she has few people in her life and her social anxiety (her whole family has it) prevents her from reaching out.
>>719023603 >watch RSD Real talk: Has anybody ever actually made it through that entire series? I tried to watch it years ago but holy shit it just drags on for so fucking long and Owen Cooke makes it so hard to keep listening to him.
>>719018810 Sounds like you arent comfortable with yourself. Best way to fix that is to develop a personality through hobbies. I would suggest one that you cant fail at first, like writing about your feelings daily, even if they are shitty. You must know yourself to love yourself. After you tackle that, could take time, get into more complex hobbies and socialize. Its especially important to set goals in your hobby so you feel like having a direction.
Remember that the hardest part to all of this is getting started, i know how it feels to want to stay in bed all day. Or to die. But its a decision you need to make for yourself.
>>719025293 Watch the ones you resonate to. There's also Julien, Todd, Max. You don't have to watch them all. They have also great materials for purchase which are not on YT. My country allows piracy so they're free to me.
>>719020046 When you're walking down the street and someone sees you stumble, they laugh but forget almost immediately. In the grand scheme of their whole life it is no more than a blip in the radar.
Just like you bombing on stage the exact same principle applies, but the length of remembering the incident scales with how drastic, or in this case funny the incident is.
Bottom line is people almost always forget. People forgot the time I shat in the school showers. People forgot the time I had a boner in drama class. People always forget. The trick is to accept your previous mistakes and then you too can forget.
>>719025741 I torrented RSD, MM and one or two others a long time ago. But I got bored of all the PUA shit after a while, plus the more I looked into it, the more it looked like a scam; so I gave it away.
>>719028609 you need to find some purpose. I'm not talking about a girl, or a job or anything like that, just a purpose for being. You have a world of knowledge at your fingertips on the internet, and as sad as it is to let go of the things that you think you love you need to get off this black whole /b/ and find something that isn't just going to facilitate you wasting your life.
>>719021434 Well that sucks for you and you have my sympathy; but I've taken enough of the right performance enhancing drugs for this stuff to be like water off a raincoat at this stage. I'm almost always pretty good.
>>719014579 Im not OP, but ive considered the advice you have given before. The only things in life I have not done but have an interest in are not really good things to do. What i mean by that is that by doing those things I would be a bad person or that doing said actions would end up bad.
Anyone ever get a weird craving to cut your face off?
>>719029179 That sounds great. Just try and find passion in whatever you do in you life. Obviously it's how we get back up from our falls that defines us, but it's even better not to fall over in the first place, but some falls are inevitable.
>>719015166 i'm in a similar situation, this girls i like/d at school for, what, nearly 4 years now, who I've never made any move on because i'm a pussy, has recently gotten in a relationship with someone else, which sucks as i may have finally done something.
Alright faggots, who wants to hear the story of when I was a massive betacuck that fucked up a girl's life? I'll start off a little while before so as to include the cockblock of the millennium for you as well.
Way back in year 6 this girl and I were as close to being together as an eleven year old and a twelvie could be. Problem was that when we graduated she went off to one of the schools my primary school was a feeder for while I fucked off alone to a selective school, no friends came with me at all. The night before graduation day I got my mum to make little discount business cards because I was a cringy fuck like that and needed a fast way to get my contact details to everyone before I had no chance. On graduation day I got one of the little slip things to everyone except pseudo-gf, but luckily I was at a Catholic school so we had to come back at night for a graduation mass. After the mass, everyone went outside, it was a clear night, full moon, pseudo-gf was standing alone in the moonlight. I walked over to her and in what was almost the most climactic moment of my life at that point (and possibly would've been if this didn't happen next) and handed her the slip, bathed in moonlight from the full moon, standing together right between two palm trees in the courtyard...
As I handed her the slip her best friend rushed in, took it from me and said "thanks". Flustered, I grabbed another from my pocket and handed it to pseudo-gf, the mood totally shattered. Said my goodnights and goodbyes to everyone, went home and that was that. Nobody ended up contacting me after that (because I was a massive piece of shit back then but it still broke my heart until year 7 started). From here on out I'm greentexting this shit to save time in another post because I'll probably hit the limit on this.
>>719030611>>719011518 i've only got 2 weeks before school starts and i'm in senior year, I need to get a job, license, workout, etc. but i severely lack any motivation unless it's for something i truly want, and recently the only thing i've truly wanted so far is to clean my room to set up my fuckin computer i got from christmas, nothing else interests me to put effort into if i got a girlfriend, however, i feel that would really get me goin, although i know i'd come out to be a needy fuck.
>>719031523 it's really that i just fear rejection, and always think of the consequences like what will happen afterwards? will it be awkward af? would she tell her friends and joke about it? heck, am i being full of my self believing i have a chance with anyone? and yea, it's a bit of a catch 22 situation
>>719031109 Part 2: The tale of innocence and happiness.
>year 7, walk in for first day of school, already made two friends who I'm still friends with to this day >still slightly sad about year 6 gf >maths lesson next, bro I'm hanging out with talking to a chick he went to primary with >we go in, I sit down and wail a "joke" that only borderline autistic 11-yo me could call a joke >"Why does nobody talk to meeeee" >she fucking laughs >heartbreak gone, I've fallen in love again >she was fucking hot even back then when she was more cute than hot >she was also a 10/10 for personality, played vidya, had a slightly rebellious and malevolent streak that I loved, especially when we were causing havoc in class or trying to trick teachers into giving us early marks >became really close, after every maths lesson at the end of the day we'd walk and talk together >pretty sure she liked me too, you see we'd part ways at the top gate at school where I'd walk to my grandpa's car while she'd walk for longer to the train station, one day she walked out the lower gate, stopped, turned around to look for me and waved to me >no social networks or phone for me meant no contact outside of school >maybe we would be together if I did >so many cute happy moments we had together that have now turned sad with regret and sorrow and longing for the past >there was a fucking siiick casual teacher who looked just like me except older and had a similar surname, cool played vidya, frequently admitted to piracy, made lots of DBZ jokes, teachers mistakenly called me him so my mates and I are still wondering if one day I'll time travel and become him >I realise now he was wingmanning me with her cont.
>>719031836 Rejection is hearing no. If you dont ask its a no anyways. If she says no you lost nothing.
Honestly mate, I get it, but the best thing you can do early in life is get used to being rejected. I got over by going to a mall and literally hitting on 100 girls. I was rejected 100 times, but honestly by the end it meant nothing to me anymore.
>>719031883 Part 3: the tale of retardation, lost chances and betafaggotry
>cool casual was once about to stop a rubber war that went too far but saw her and I teaming up with class retard to pour soy sauce on this dude's arse so he'd jump up and she'd slam down a textbook on his head, knocking him down and allowing retard and I to rinse and repeat >teacher says "just don't get it in anyone's eyes alright" and puts on some sumo wrestling videos >later on the last day of the year, last period of the day we had him for maths >by the powers of sheer autism I got drunk off non-alcoholic ginger beer and he gave no shits, in fact he said I was the best behaved in the class and let me out early but I stayed back to thank him for being cool >anyway that was the last anyone ever saw of him >literally nobody, not even the teachers he was closest to, know where he went >year 8 started, girl and I no longer in same class, talk rarely and it's usually just a brief "hello" >think she still likes me but still want to play it safe >spend most of year pissed off at another retard boy who thought he was top shit (just like me except supposedly I became cool when I got drunk) >the jury is still out on that one but that year I spent too angry thanks to retard boy to be cringy >the year passes with near no contact with her >year 9 starts >halfway through I finally get Facebook >talk to her again >think she still likes me >hold on what >she mentions having a boyfriend >I get worried but still have too much hope >eventually my confusion and curiosity reach bursting point and finally ask her if she really does like me >she apologises for leading me on for so long, says she doesn't, asks why I wanted to know >I spill the beans >shit went downhill from there >her bitchy SJW friend got into her phone and harassed me over my conversations and told me to never speak to her again because I've been stressing her out too much Cont.
There is a girl that I love. I never met her until just recently, but she's from my hometown. We're friends. She calls me up just to talk sometimes. She was even interested in me at one point in time. She said so. But she lived three hours away and I hesitated. I hesitated and she's with someone else now. Even if they break up, if you know anything about attraction you know that once that initial attraction fades for a woman, it's very unlikely it'll ever come back again.
Let me tell you about her, /b/. She's what most people would call "batshit crazy." She's an impulsive as fuck alcoholic with bipolar disorder and probably also borderline personality disorder. But she's so goddamn smart, funny, and fun to be around. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She makes me think. Sometimes she pisses me off beyond my capacity to handle my anger and I think I'll explode. She makes me feel something that it's been so long since I felt, I can't even remember if I've actually ever felt it before. She makes me feel fiery, passionately alive. But she doesn't want me and probably never will. She's with some stupid redneck pretending to understand her because he's cute and plays guitar. But I know he doesn't really have any idea how goddamn lucky he is. (con't)
>>719033437 Now there's someone else in my life. Funnily enough, also from the same small town me and the other girl are from. I ran into her when I was down there visiting family over Christmas (but I mostly just came down to see the other girl). She's kind, sweet, gentle, and understanding, attractive enough, and apparently is super into me. She thinks of me the way I think of this other girl. I'm probably going to just be with her. I'm getting older now, and the way this girl is so way into me is nice, it hasn't happened in a long time. If I can, I'm probably going to marry her. And she'll love me. And I'll take care of her and shower her with affection and try to meet all of her needs, emotionally, physically, financially. I'll do my damndest to make sure she has the best and happiest life possible, and I'm sure she'll do the same for me. And maybe I'll be content. But, although she'll never know it, I'll never love her. I can't. Not after the way the other girl made me feel. I seriously doubt that there's even anyone else out there that could ever make me feel like that again.
/b/rothers, if you find a woman that makes you feel this way, and you have even the thinnest ray of a chance, don't fucking hesitate. You may regret it for the rest of your life.
>>719033053 How do you think you get that confidence? You either born with 12 inch horsecock, or have to learn it. Im telling you man. Even if you have to get drunkish beforehand for fake courage, FORCE yourself to get used to it. In 1-2 goes. Just like I did. Im gonna be real, it helps a lot in life. Its worth it man. Its hard as FUCK to do, I know, but itll help the REST of your life. Isnt 1 terrible day worth it if itll help improve the rest of your life?
>>719032625 Part 4: hahaha what a nice grave I dug myself
>bitchy SJW friend of hers thinks I'm trying to break up her (hot girl) relationship >feel the need to tell her that I see they're happy together and won't get in the way >run betacuck.exe >exams roll in, her baby brother becomes higher maintenance and so she gets more stressed and less time to talk >I forgot to mention that she let me down easy rather than allowed my heart to break (although hilariously a few days before I spilled the beans to her I nearly blacked out in the shower, which totally fucked up my heart so now I somehow can take manual control of my heartrate, so I was literally heartbroken) which meant dumbarse me thought I still had a chance >resolved to wait out her relationship and then swoop in like the white knight I was, pick her up and ride off into the sunset towards the Holy Land >anyway so she was getting really stressed and busy >not enough time for conversations like we used to so I resolved to send her messages during the day and she'd reply whenever >super autist boy (me) starts sending upwards of 50 messages a day >she starts having breakdowns in class >I comfort her when they happen but still have yet to make the correlation that they were my fault >we stay friendly somehow >I'm on relatively good terms with her boyfriend (even still) >oh yeah they're still fucking together >how many fucking years on? >ah well they are a pretty cute couple >so on NYE she was the only person I spoke to, she finally got some free time, I was looking up at the sky and like the retard I was I thought I felt her presence in the wind >pull out phone a second before she sends me a message >maybe I wasn't being a total retard? >flashback to the night of September 25 >a girl I had yet to meet dreams of a boy who completely fits my description, right down to appearance and the things I like >apparently dream me's last words to her were "see you next year" Cont.
>year 10 rolls around >first guy I met at high school (I'm still friends with him) throws a nerf war birthday party >oh btw the girl that had the dream had it on the night before her 13th birthday, had short hair and at that point had a bf with the same name as me >anyway she was there >theprophecyunfolds.png >like the true autist I was I brought a foam Master Sword replica, no nerf guns and shitty cardboard greaves to the war >dream girl (that's what I'm calling her from now on, other girl is called several years in love girl now) impulsively kicks my sword out of my hand >we roll in the grass fighting for it >think to myself "holy fuck is she a good fighter" >reminder that she's like fucking 1 metre 50 at this point and really didn't look like she had it in her >she breaks away with the sword, I dive for a gun on the ground and open fire on her >run back to her, we fight again, I win the sword back >anyway that was all the contact between her and I for that day but it's relevant I guess? >return to normal life >several years in love girl has breakdowns about once a week now >your boi Autismo Supreme still hasn't made the correlation >one day her other bitchy best friend goes on her FB and blocks almost everyone >notice that her breakdowns stopped when I got blocked >shitting bricks >on the morning of some excursion I found her just about to wander off and get lost at my home train station where we had to meet >help her out, tell her she's in the right place, get down to business >tell her I don't want her unblocking me if I'm causing the breakdowns >she assures me they weren't my fault and still happen when I'm not around >to this day I still don't buy it, her SJW friend's words ring in my ears >she doesn't unblock me for a while because she's simply too bogged down Cont.
>Easter Sunday I take matters into my own hands with regards to primary school friends rather than leaving meetings to fate and make an effort to bring them back into my life >all cool and good but the problem is it cemented my "never give up" attitude because well look here I got all my old friends back through hope alone. >account gets zucked >make new acc >several years in love girl still too bogged down to add me >that acc ends up getting zucked too >there's more story to that but that's for another day, another feels thread >one of my old best friends is one big ironic meme >he cleansed me of my cringy hehe xD ways >somewhere along the line first high school friend bro invites me and a bunch of others to his house again >we have science projects to do so we all use each other as test subjects >dream girl is there again >this time we get to talk and we get time alone together >we fell in love sitting on bro-dude's trampoline >she's pretty gud at Smash but not many other vidyas >I add her on Skype later, she initially gets worried about how I managed to get her details but I explained it was from the group chat, she relaxed and we spoke for aaages almost every night >several years in love girl still hasn't accepted my request >I find myself torn between the two >eventually in a moment of pure smoothness (read: it was completely sudden and jarring) I asked dream girl if she likes me (she was dropping so many massive hints like after she asked me what element No stood for I said something like "the reaction to me asking out any girl" she changed her mood message to "I would say yes tbh" >she's flustered but as I suspected she and I both fell in love sitting on the trampoline on experiment day >we get together >we still are together >problem is there was still unresolved shit with several years in love girl >school year ended too soon for me to say anything in person Cont.
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