Hospital stories >be 12 >wake up >sweating, my whole

>>717783087
go on

can you hurry the fuck up? thanks

>>717783087
yes

>>717783087
I can see this getting interesting. keep going

are you still 12 because you type slow as fuck

I see that OP did not pre-type like a good boy, no gbp for you mr!

alright op, fuck you and your cool story, gnite

Come on

>given some syrupy thing
>pass out
>wake up to a crowded room of all of my family
>everyone is consoling me, grandma is pining over me like im dying, tears in her eyes
>nurse comes in
>"we need to do an ultra sound."

>get on ultrasound bed
>fucking side hurts like ive been kicked in the nuts when I move
>she puts jell on
>jabs the fucking roller thing into my hip like 2 inches
>im in agony, tell her no more
>nurse "just watch toy story, its on tv"
>crying and shaking as woody flirts with some amish chick
>mom stops it
>"hes had enough, I dont remember you ultrasound nurses putting their weight into my belly when he was in there, why now?"
>nurse "we have to find it or we have to do a ct scan."
>me "ok thats better than this!!"

Given something in my IV that makes me feel fantastic and pass out.

>wake up out of private room
>its the ct room
>they give me a shot of nasty shit

More to come

>>717783087
>>717784149

>>OP bitches about routine cholecystitis
>>gets it taken out
>>slaps cute nurse ass
>>the end

>>717784149
Youre ducking slow

Your a good storyteller op keep going

>be 6
>at dinner with my mom and grandpa
>get home grandpa leaves
> its 8:30
>shower.jpg
> decide to be superman in shower
>jumping up and down and get soap in my eye
> slip and fall hit my head
>my head hurts a little but continue to shower
> 10 min later look down see read stuff
>turn off shower walk and get out look in mirror
> blood all over face and eye split open
> scream like bloody murder
>mom walks in screams then calls grandpa
>grandpa pours hydrogen peroxide on my eye
>continue screaming then go to hospitable
> need stitches
> hot doctor and my grandpa hits on her
>doctor gets mad at my grandpas low key sexual remarks
>doc sews harder out of frustration
>grandpa says wow your good do you take sewing lessons?
>doc loses it and does terrible stitches
> still have a scar even though this was years ago

>>717784406
No, you kys, let op continue

>gwtting ready for ct scan
>no parents around me
>doctor "heres the device we use to administer the fluid to see whats going on."
>it looks like a fist dildo with a bunch of holes
>they turn me over, add some lube to my asshole and shove it right in
>stick up my ass hurts
>they administer the fluid
>i feel like i have to shit badly
>nurse "if you dont hold it in, we have to do it again."
>in severe pain for 15min
>machine takes 5min
>they remove the device and I shit fluid all over the floor
>nurse "well, now you've gone and done it."
>doctor laughs, tells me I did well

Still more

yeah i had appendicitis too i was playing mgsv before i realized how much penis it copulated like my freakin tummy was peeved and then it was doin a lot of hurties nd then i was in da hospital for 5 days the end also the nurses were all really cute and i think i smelled bad ok bye

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>>717784149
Let this be a lesson to pre-type you faggot

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>>717784149
Your mom is fucking stupid

>next day, Im getting prepped for surgery
>whole family is over me
>qt3.14 surgeon explaining whats going on
>shes using words i dont know
>tell her "please, just help me."
>i go into surgery room
>given mask of sleep gas, they tell me count to thirty
>i start counting
>all I remember is the nurse saying "i heard he dumped in the ct room hahaha what a trooper."

>wake up post surgery
>everything is super bright
>cant sit up
>mom and dad are there saying whatever the fuck
>i say "they made fun of me for pooping out the juice"
>see my moms face go dead
>hear yelling and screeching
>pass out

Last bit next

>>717784650
Fuck you

Moar type faster!

>>717785036
>what a trooper
what a pooper

i suppose ill just be sitting here slapping f5 for a while. ill fucking choke a bitch if youre a troll and someone walks the god damn dinosaur

>finally wake up
>nurse tells me to stay awake
>clock says 4am
>my stomach is huge
>nurse "we need you to pee, go ahead."
>piss in some big ass jug
>hurts like needles in my dick
>fill first container
>almost fill second container
>nurse "well, you peed more than a gallon, great job."

>go back to sleep
>wake up
>clown standing above my bed, right in my face
>hit him so hard i knock the mask off
>start crying
>he yells at my family
>look over at room
>at least 8 people yelling at him at once
>the other people are facepalming
>go home early
>spend the rest of the week eating mac n cheese and watching tv in bed

>>717785494
Your family is retarded

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That was a shit story anon

>>717785494
So many questions, why did your mom scream when you woke up?

>>wake up in post op room
>>hooked up to IV drip of morphine
>>feeling pretty good
>>remember poop in CT room
>>still groggy from anestethic gasses
>>feel bowels rumbling
>>sphincter control subpar due to propofol still in system from surgery
>>walk the dinosaur

>>717785494
'Murica, right?

>>717784406
I did something like that. I kicked my faucet with my ankle and had a bloody, bruised ankle for a month. It hurt so bad, I needed an ankle brace for a few weeks.

>>717785658
Because the clown started yelling at me.

>>717785830
greentext anon? would love to hear

>>717784319
This. Being in the medical field seeing people complain about shit makes me so fucking angry. Half you niggers are on Medicare anyway- take your free treatment or go home and die. Seriously scum of the fucking earth.

>>717783087
>Hospital stories

>work in ER
>fucking hate people like you
>the end

>>717785974
Thats pretty much it, felt like superman, swung my leg to kick a ball of moms shaving cream i made and hit the faucet, fucking my leg up for a while.

>>717786479
is ur mom hot?

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>>717783087
>at work
>recovery boiler at a paper pulp factory
>cleaning crust from smelt spouts (pic related)
>smelt is 800℃ / 1472℉
>suddenly explosion
>feels like someone splashed hot water all over me
>smells like burnt hair
>suddenly my right eye starts burning really bad
>I run to the control room to rinse it with cold water
>fuckthisIneedadoctor
>go to hospital
>explain what had happened
>doctor tells me to lie down
>puts a suction cup looking thing into my eye
>starts flushing it with some cold liquid

had to lie there for 40 minutes. Two really hot nurses were there all the time, holding my hand and stroking my hair so fuck it, it wasn't bad. Somehow my eye recovered 100% and I had no other major injuries.
One of the many accidents that happened at work.

>>717786322
I was 12 dude, i had a plastic fist shoved up my ass with liquid, was proded like crazy in my sore spot and was freaked the fuck out. I dont think you work in the ER unless you're a janitor.

>be 17
>be still on state health care
>have insane pressure building up in my stomach
>have to go to Pediatrics ward cuz insurance wouldnt cover a real ER
-All the hot trainee nurses work there cuz lil kids
>get a room and the doc tells me to lay on my side
>pokes and prods mass in my stomach and says I need xrays
>45 mins later hot nurse enters is surprised to see an older kid in there
>leads me to the xray room
>doc still cant find prob
>guesses it must be constipation
>Hands the nurse lube and leads my mom out
>hot nurse obvs embarrassed tells me to drop my pants and get on my side
>Inserts 2 fingers, then a surprise 3rd
>instant boner but no relief from pain
>nurse laughs and says;
>"We solved one thing.. And thats one big problem for a kid" with some flirt and a wink
>she gets doc, tells me to try and shit
>go to bathroom, cant shit
>fuck it, lets fap
>half way thru feel pressurized missile preparing for launch

Part two coming

>>717786577
Do you like older bbws with tons of swollen scars?

>Hospital Story

>Rushed into emergency surgery because of car accident
>Start prepping me before I'm even unconscious
>head surgeon say scalpel, feel pressure and pain on my stomach as he starts cutting me open
>don't even care. That surgeon saved my life and I am forever grateful at the speed and precision they moved and worked.

>>717783087
>have operation, wake up after in massive respiratory distress and about to die from asthma attack, dr gibs huge push of ketamine and I end up floating above my body thinking I'm dead..nope just got K-holed

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>>717786800

>>717786646
Idk why those nurses are embarrassed
>great grandma is dying
>hot nurse in ICU
>tells us a story
>little kid has ass problems
>shes assigned to him
>colon pops out of asshole once in a while
>kid waits for her cuz shes pretty
>she walks in
>kid lifts gown
>"its out again!"
>she puts on gloves and shoves his colon back in
>they both laugh

It was funny at the time, but was it really appropriate when my favorite relative is right there on her deathbed?

>>717786627
spoiler
op liked the rectal contrast
>OP is now gay
>coincidence?

>>717786800
not sure if thats her or not but yes i do

>be me
>scribe at local ER
>patient comes in complaining of excruciating ear pain
>patient is dirty looking mexican
>taking notes as doctor examines
>doctor sees something, gets foreceps
>pulls out fully grown alive cockroach
>patient passes out

>>717787129
Better than kids ass trailing on the floor behind him leaving a dirty Shit trail like some kind of juvenile shitslug, while granny opens her eyes for the last time, sees shit everywhere, realises the prophecy is true and dies

>>717787235
Seen it. Ive been in a ear doctors office with a wall of shit pulled out of ears, and 2 bags were roaches. The weirdest shit on the wall was what looked like a kidney been that had sprouted not freshly sprouted, but like 4 inch long roots all curled up.

>>717786646
>at this point, rock hard cock
>hot ass nurse fiddled with my ass and complimented my dick
>fapping to the image of her getting railed in my room
>sudden anal tension
>What is this sensation?
>release a 3 foot long, horrendous turd from my buttocks
>cum simultaneously
>The relief washes over me like a cold but soothing shower
>buckle pants and walk out
>as soon as I walk out hot nurse is standing there waiting on me
>Huge smile on her face
>she says;
>"solved a few extra problems while you were at it did you?" with the same kind of wink and flirt

>Mfw I realized I have a nurse fetish
>Mfw I realized I like butt play
>Mfw the nurse stood there and listened in on me jacking to her

>got a school note immediately as I returned to my room and told the doc I was clear
>was mushed out by mom
>Never saw that sexy fucking nurse ever again

>>717787235
>>taking notes as doctor examines

>be me 4 months ago
>patient chart: "deaf + blind woman says theres a cockroach in her ear"
>there was
>hilarious

>>717786627
>I dont think you work in the ER unless you're a janitor.

People who do that work in hospitals are called housekeeping. Also, it's not my fault your inbred parents couldn't muster enough intelligence to explain to you why you are having X test for Y symptom. You should really stop blaming medical professionals, and start holding your parents, and yourself responsible for your own ignorance.

>>717787418
Patient had a bean sprout lodged in their nose. Patient claimed they laughed while eating lo mein.

>>717787454
Too bad, she sounds like a slut

>>717787715
I FUCKING KNOW.
Probably the only thing I regret from my youth.

>>717787418
Did u eat it?

>>717785494
horrible story, fuck you op

>>717787647
I was asleep for most of it. 4 days past in less than 24 hours.

>>717787808
Yea

>>717783087
My story exactly (so far)

Went in for operation, fuckwit anaesthetist was groping a very willing nurse on the ass and making lewd comments thinking Imma out from drugs but I wasn't, complained, got the dirty fucker in heaps of shit. Funny thing is I wouldn't have given a shit if he hadn't been a dick about re-siting a fucked up Iv.

>be 24
>raging alcoholic
>at work, drinking bottom shelf vodka in the restroom
>pass out in breakroom
>boss finds the bottle
>calls ambulance
>firemen and shit show up, have one of those carts you lay on and everything
>stand up and get on it by myself, they wanted to pick me up, fuck that
>lay down on it and have a conversation with some nurse type person in the ambulance during the ride to the hospital for alcohol poisoning
>they do a blood test on me to check for drugs
>not on any drugs besides alcohol, tell them that, of course they don't listen and do the test anyway cause fuck me I'm going to pay more
>doctor comes back and says my BAC was .47 and I should be dead, he's shocked I could even get on the cart thing by myself and talk let alone stay conscious
>they keep me there for like 10 hours and give me a bunch of saline drips
>saline makes me pee a ton, but it's weird I didn't actually feel like I needed to pee, but a ton came out when I went to urinate
>it was blood colored, solid blood colored, but according to the urine test there was no blood in my urine
>say it was the saline flushing the toxins out of my blood stream
>they ask how often I get that drunk
>say every day for the last 3 years
>they do a cat scan or some shit I don't really remember where they had to inject die in to my blood and then put me in a big magnet tube
>doctor says there's no sign of liver damage, which with my drinking he was shocked by
>tells me he has no idea how I'm not dead or how I don't at least have a severely damaged liver
>Irony is, he said I was fine to drink alcohol though he advised only 2-3 drinks a day, but I actually quit drinking after that because the bill was almost 6000$ and I didn't want to pay it again

Had a nurse jack me off in the janitors closet.

>>717788398
Hospital bills can make good in the world

>>717786627
you still sound like youre 12 op also your moms a fucking dumbass

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>>717788056
The you consumed its spirit and must have developed some kind of superpower, side effects are common. Pic relate

>>717788695
Not as dumb as your mom, she spent the whole day looking at a carton of orange juice cos it said concentrate

>>717788798
i am not sure what is stranger: what's wrong with that penis or that they too the time to circumcise it?

>>717787454
>Anonymous 01/04/17(Wed)23:28:25 No.717787
>>717786646
>>717787715
>>717787791
yah I had a similiar experinec except the nurse blew me 3 times during my week long stay.

>>717788798
I only wish my dick could sprout a second dick

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>Be 40.
>Hit by a truck while riding motorcycle.
>Feel like every disk in my spine is fucked.
>Ambulance to hospital.
>Wait in ER for 1 hour while sniffling welfare nigglets get get priority over tax-payer.
>Cops come see me in ER, take info, later mail me a ticket for failing to show auto insurance card at accident, and did not ask for it at hospital.
>ER fags finally look at me, tell me I can go home, but I cannot move, so stay night in hospital in complete fucking pain.
>It's now about 5 PM, pain so bad I want to die.
>Fat nurse gives me ONE Vicodin.
>All I want to do is sleep the pain away.
>Not a private room, roommate is black.
>Roommate has family and nigger visitors ALL FUCKING NIGHT.
>Small nigglets running around room at fucking 3 O'clock in the morning.
>I complain to nurse and ask for a quiet room.
>Cunt nurse gives me earplugs.
>Fuck that.
>Be about 9 AM next morning, get me out of this fucking shit hole hospital.
>Motorcycle totalled, call liberal Aunt to come get me.
>As I'm leaving the room, I said, "You fucking disrespectful niggers piss me off!"
>Aunt covers her face and pushes me away faster in the wheelchair.
>Get home, lay on bed for two weeks, never work again.
>Life-changing accident, and what pissed me off the most about it were the niggers.
>

>>717783087
>>717784149
>>717784547
>>717785036
>>717785494

You and your family are fucking retards. Good story, OP.

>>717789368
Yea, ive heard countless stories about why back injuries are so drvastating, how hospitals dont do enough and the ambulance chasing lawyers make bank. If the hospital staff gave a fuck, none of this would be nearly the same problem it is today.

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>>717786092
>medical field

Mop the floor and shut the fuck up, amerifat.

Proud of a shitty health care system, hoh boy...

>>717788617
Male nurse, right? I think I remember you.

>>717788971
OP is a kid confirmed

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>>717784149
>woody flirts with some amish chick

>>717790398
Not op

>>717788971
I appreciate this toast.

>>717790374
Yeah. Lighten up on the grip next time buddy it was way too tight.

>Parents got me drunk when I was 6
>Start riding pushbike around outside, pretending I'm in a race
>Lose control and stack into a pile of metal
>Look myself over, think all is well until I pull up my shorts
>Massive chunk taken out of my leg, could see the muscle
>Blood stars coming out, I start screaming, Dad runs to get me and takes me to hospital
>Need 6 stitches
>Doc puts anaesthetic in, waits a few, starts stitching
>Anaesthetic didn't work coz of alcohol, felt every stitch and passed out
>Wake up just as we get home
>My brother is waiting outside and is dressed up like a girl

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>>717786322
then you must love me
>be me
>15
>bro janitor in hs ask me to help him move some shit
>it ends up getting dropped on my finger
>hurts like fuck to move
>parents contemplate suing the school
>tell them not to cause it was partly my fault
>go to er
>they ask me to r8 my pain out of 10
>"like 5 or 6"
>they make me sit in the w8ing room for 3 hours with no pain pills, Mexicans with a stubbed toe going first
>just kept joking with it about my mom
>finally get in
>its broken in like 3 places
>get a cast and leave

>>717783087
>Break arm, go to cast it.
>Arab Muslim doctor, whatever let's just wait in line.
>Muslims keep on pouring in. Some of them look totally fine and not in pain at all.
>Muslim doctor literally calls EVERYONE in before me. Even people that came an hour after me, because they are Arabs and I'm not (they also talk and laugh in Arabic)
>Sit there in pain for 3 hours as people who look perfectly fine get in line before me because they are Muslim.
>I want to raise a fuss but it's the only doctor available at the moment and I needed a fucking cast and wouldn't want to piss him off.
>Finally gets in. Arab "doctor" put on cast really fast and violently. Kick me the fuck home without any additional instructions or anything.
>Whatever just a cast.
>Next day my hand double in size and blue. Feels bad man.
>Go to hospital again, this time a nice human female doctor.
>Her line is based on who comes first, not on your religion.
>One look at the cast she goes "wtf who did this to you??"
>Arab doctor put it way too tight, it was pressing my hand and interfering with blood flow.
>She remove the cast completely and put on a new cast.
>Appearantly cast doesn't suppose to hurt and feel like shit. It's not that bad.

Anyone else had a wonderful experience with an Arab doctor? Is it just here or do they always act like that?

I sure love diversity.

>>717783087
damn, appendicitis is rough.

Tore a nail off while cleaning at a night shift job I had. Went emergency and ended up chillin with some old lady discussing who shot JFK

>>717787647
Wow what a dickhead. I know you work in the ER but fuck why do you have to be a whiny little bitch about it.

>>717784857
>>717786585
HRSG?

>>717783087
>be 20
>insane migraines for 2 weeks, hitting me every day lasting all day
>put up with it while getting CT scans and shit done
>crack after i start punching my walls in frustration at the constant pain
>go to ER
>kids crying, people yelling
>im delirious and think im actually about to die from a tumor or something
>finally get in, nurse puts me in some quiet kids room since its empty and i need the dark
>feed me painkillers
>nothing works
>finally give me morphine after 2 hours
>pain is still there, but for some reason i just dont give a fuck anymore
>tell nurses this so they give me more morphine
>feel so much better, decide im good to go
>leave

>back again the very next day after waiting 45 minutes for my doctor to see me about CT scans
>tell doc i gotta fucking go the pain is too much
>driving to hospital, eyes watering cant see
>sun is like getting stabbed right in the brain
>get to ER, doc has called ahead so they admit me immediately
>morrrrrrphineeeeee
>ER doc gets my scans and sees i have a massive sinus infection
>oxy and codeine for pain, steroids and anti-biotics to cure me

pain was gone the next fucking day, so i got to enjoy my free prescription of oxy without any pain :D

it worked out alright except for my boss firing me because he thinks migraine pain isn't a real thing.

>>717788798
Fuckin hell it even has dick cheese

>>717790398
Fuck you homo, bet you eat farts for breakfast

bumb

>>717794191
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

>>717793656
oh btw amerifags, i didn't get a bill afterwards. all i paid was $20 for all the meds.

If your name is Daniel I swear to god

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>>717783087
>be 17
>punch friend on the shoulder for saying some dumb shit
>break metacarpal
>try to sleep it off
>don't get surgery so hand is not fucked up looking
>friend does lots of heroin and paints the wall with his brain 6 years later
>we were supposed to hang out the next day
>what_a_flake.jpg

>be 22
>break collarbone
>try to sleep it off
>oh shit its still fucked
>walk to college health center or whatever
>tell receptionist I have a broken collarbone
>she doesnt believe me and says it will be a 3 hour wait
>say ok but you are the ones that are going to have to break and reset it
>"enjoy your lawsuit"
>sit down
>doctor overhears and pull me into back room for vitals
>resting heartrate 110, blood pressure through the roof, nurse freaks out
>no shit it hurts
>get xray
>its broken af
>doctor looking at xray with radiologist, i get off table
>"damn doc that looks pretty fucked up"
>"yeah thats pretty fucked"
>horrified looks by radiologist

>be idk what like 20 I drank a lot
>get in drunken fight against 5 people
>lip split open like a quarter inch
>try to sleep it off
>wake up still drunk
>go to walk in clinic and just point to face
>they stitch face back together
>"sure you weren't drinking?"
>"haha yeah I'm sure doc"
>get lidocaine

true stories

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>>717795209
>try to sleep it off
>try to sleep it off
>try to sleep it off
do you have a couple extra chromosomes my dude?

>>717795378
I'm literally too stupid to get hurt.

Right now I'm walking around with a torn tendon in my foot and that was the second time I broke my collarbone (freaked out a ref when I was like 12 poking it cause I thought it felt weird). I broke my nose and 2 toes without knowing it (later found by an xray and a physical therapist), but they little so I guess it don't count.

My stupid is my strength.

>>717791589
Sure thing, sarge.

>>717786585
Pratt?

>>717795745
matt?

>>717786627
Yelling at the medical staff is not going to get any one better treatment. You probably got extra tests becuase they were afraid you parents were litigious. You can easily die from a bust appendix. Be thankful your life was saved, and not ungrateful like you family.

>>717783087
Repeal obamacare......yaaaaaay....... because the insurance companies going back to doing whatever they pleased was working so well, lets make sure we get rid of preexisting conditions coverage, and all the other great things about the AFFORDABLE CARE ACT FOR FUCKS SAKE. The shit we had before was abusive and wasn't in place to serve anyone but the insurance companies!

>>717792488
Not an Ayrab but some Indian mother fucker. Had ingrown nails on my big toes, had to get part of them removed. Dude totally botched it and they've never recovered since. Went back to see this shit head, sat there for 3 hours in a room as I heard other patients coming and going because I was OHIP and not a paying customer. Ended up leaving and going elsewhere.