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Wel, /b/... I think I fucked up. I posted before about my GF

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 151
Thread images: 55

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Wel, /b/... I think I fucked up. I posted before about my GF being reluctant to do anything involving her ass, and I followed your advice and just went ahead and did it anyway. That part went fine - we got a bit drunk, I dabbed my finger in lube, and give it a gentle but firm shove into her ass.

To my surprise, she didn't try to push my hand out. She sort of gasped, then whispered "Be gentle, okay?"

But here's the problem - I pushed my finger all the way to the bottom knuckle, and landed right in a wad of fecal matter.

Now I am completely disgusted and don't want to do anything with her. I almost puked when I felt the crap inside of her body. I thought I'd be able to get past that, but it has disgusted me in a profound way.
>>
then you don't deserve anal. Stick to the pussy, ya pussy.
>>
>>717759985
well what the fuck did you expect?
>>
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>>717759985
If you still have your finger in her, stand back when you take it out.

>puts finger where shit comes from
>upset when he finds shit
>>
WAIT, THERE'S POO IN THERE?!?

Dumbass
>>
well? Did you take your finger out?
>>
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>>717759985
Anal requires preparation you goof.
You and your girl need to know about the anal session beforehand and have her clean her shitbox out before you get to work.

Anal isn't as spontaneous as regular sex unless you don't care about a little shit on your dick.
>>
>>717759985
>wanna stick my finger in yabutt

>eww gross poop

You don't deserve her, man. You're a bitch and stupid.
>>
>>717759985
Thats why you prep with an enema you faggot.

Assuming she has basic hygene standards, licking and light fingering is probably fine. But anything more? Enema. Nice and clean.
>>
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>>717760787
>>
>>717759985
my gf is becoming each time more aware that I like anal and I enjoy to play with her ass. In the beggining, she always pushed away my hand, but now she even enjoys it

And I already made her cum with anal sex twice, lots of times with anal masturbation and lots more with a vibrator

The second time we had anal sex, right after I cum, she farted and some piece of shit rolled on the sheets.

I took a piece of toilet paper that I keep next to my bed, took that piece of shit and threw into the trash. Simple.

Then I quickly washed my dick, laid next to her and we cuddled

Was I liking the fact that I had shit on my dick? Of course not.
Was it fun to wash my dick super quickly on the sink? Of course not

But she's the girl that I love, that makes me complete and satisfied. That's the minimum I could do for her

tl;dr: stop being a little cunt and accept the fact that anal = shit on the prick sometimes, cunt
>>
>>717759985
Next time you do that, tell her to take a shit before. Even better tell her to do an enigma with warm water first.
>>
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>>717761501
>Enigma
Nigga wat ?
>>
>>717759985
I always ask "can i touch you here?" and if she says no then i know it's poop time
>>
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>>717761501
>A warm water enigma
>>
>>717761783
I meant enema lol
>>
>>717761501
>tell her to do an enigma
Yeah. Like the riddle of the sphinx or something.
>>
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>>717761501
>>717761783
>enigma
>>
>>717761501
>enigma
>>
whenever i insert anything into gfs asshole it bleeds a little the next day
what do
(ass related)
>>
>>717761501
>A warm water enigma
My mind has been confused. You win, man of many faces
>>
>>717761281
OP isn't talking about a little piece of shit, he stuck his fingers into a log without prepping his gf
>>
>>717762157
foreplay. get her loose before you shove shit in.
>>
>>717762157
She needs to stretch. Start with finger play and work your way up.

Unless she has hemorrhoids, then she needs to get that shit checked up on.
>>
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>>717762261
I already did that too once, no big deal, go wash your hands and continue whatever the two of you might decide to do next

When I say "stop being a fucking cunt", I mean STOP BEING A FUCKING CUNT
>>
>>717762385
>>717762366
my fingers cause the bleeding too! its absolute horse shit. and its not like im going in dry, i always eat the fuck out of her ass before hand and saliva my finger
>>
>>717759985
kill yourself
>>
>>717762157
you have to massage her asshole gently for a few minutes, they never show that in porn but that's how they get their assholes loose
>>
>>717762732
maybe cut your fucking nails
>>
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>>717762732
Saliva will run dry too quick, go get some good lube
>>
>>717759985
If you do anything involving the butt you have to be okay with getting poop on you. The Hershey Highway can give you a great ride but she is a cruel mistress.
>>
>>717759985
hahahaha
>>
Grow up OP, my first time doing anal things there was a bit of turd. Get over it. I still eat the booty.
>>
>>717762942
In porn they always use spit, but often they use lube as well, just don't show it
>>
>>717761501
Kek
>>
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>>717761501
>enigma
Holy fuck include me in the screen cap
>>
>>717763752
Hi redit
>>
>>717761501
>>
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>>717763796
Riddit is cancer fgt

>include this in the screen cap too so everyone can know how much of a faggot this anon is
>>
I remember the first time I poked my ex gf's asshole in the shower. She loved it but when I pulled out for her to suck on, there was a pea sized nugget of poo on the tip of my dick. She was embarrassed and rightly so but it was something we laughed about later, especially when I was balls deep in her fine Mexican asshole. If you start knocking on Mr. Turds door, don't be surprised if he home and answers. If she finds out that you are disgusted, say goodbye to anal ever again. It will embarrass her so much she will never want to do it again. Most women can handle stuff like. She will take it personally and it will hurt her self esteem.
>>
>>717764244
yeah even if it's disgusting you have to play it off otherwise she won't do it again
>>
Sounds like sticking your tongue is the next step fag.

So maybe you become less of a fag
>>
>>717764244
Dubs speaks the truth
>>
>>717761501
Yeah bro ænima is a pretty great album
>>
>>717762157
Let her stick her cock into your ass next time
>>
>>717759985
piss a lil in her ass and tell her to blow out all the shit. the piss separates all the crap better than water and it always comes out in full.
>>
>>717764244
>If you start knocking on Mr. Turds door

Top Kek
>>
>>717759985
lol you don't just go in, dumbfuck. You're suppose to prepare for that shit, unless you're some degenerate shat fetish anon. Use an enema before hand. Jesus.
>>
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>>717759985
>not liking the shit
>not ramming her full shitter
>wasting this opportunity
>not being able to handle anal for what it is
>purposefully using a raunchy hole and being surprised when something raunchy happens
>being a faggot
>being too much of a pussy to handle some feces

You don't deserve it, faggot.
>>
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>>717759985
I FUCKING HATE NIIIIIIGGGGGGEEEERRRRRSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
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>>717759985
Well duh.
There is gonna be shit in there.
Porn stars shit it all out and do anemas before doing anal.
Get over it. She was being nice and let you do butt stuff.
>>
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>>717762157
tongue first
>>
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>>717765363
Kek
>>
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>>717761501
?>Warm water enigma
>>
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>>717759985
>landed right in a wad of fecal matter.
>wad
>of fecal matter
>>
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>>717759985
what did you think you'd find? Icecream? Unicorns?
>>
>>717759985
wtf were you expecting? you did plan it out with her so of course she had some in there.
fucking faggot.
>>
>>717761501
i hope someone capped this
>>
>>717761501
>E N I G M ∆
>N
>I
>G
>M
>∆
>>
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>>717768730
>>
>>717769333
I mean the whole thing with all the replies
>>
I tried anal for the first time with my Ex. My dick is fairly decent size, about 7.5 inches, so while it felt amazing, her dad called half way through so I had to pull out. Saw there was shit on my dick and went to the bathroom and cleaned it up, soaped my dick and cleaned it again later.

We continued doing anal, shit isn't that bad. Really it didn't gross me out at all. Don't be a pussy, or stick to pussy. Ass is not for the faint of heart.
>>
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>>717761501
>Enigma
>>
>>717759985
>>717760936
>>717761281
>never do any extra prep for anal
>never poop on dick
I guess I just got a better one
>>
>>717769585
>her dad called
wait what. explain
>>
>>717769585
I had pretty much the same situation. Did anal with this virgin a few times over a couple of days, first 2 times my dick came out completely clean, but the 3rd time I pulled out to give her a rest and saw there was a mixture of lube and shit on my dick. After the initial panic I just told her as calmly as possible, scrubbed it with hot water and soap, let her clean herself up, and just spent the rest of the time cuddling.

Shit is almost certainly going to happen. Sex is filled with gross smells and weird body fluids, stop being such a whiny pussy and deal with it.
>>
>>717761501
You know how long it will take to farm Jah and ber??
>>
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>>717769585
I really have been on this site too long when I read her dad I immediately expected it to say her dad joined in or some variant
>>
>>717761501
>enigma
>not anemone
Autist
>>
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>>717761501
>>
>>717770441
don't you people doing anal use condoms? if it's on the condom just wipe off and continue what's the fucking problem
>>
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>>717770503
Top kek
>>
>>717761783
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
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>>717761501
>>
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>>717761501
>Even better tell her to do an enigma with warm water first.
>>
>>717761501
>enigma
Put me in the screencap or your mother will die tonight.
>>
>>717771141
what the fuck????????
>>
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>>717770668
Nah feels 100x better without, as long as you aren't scared of shit then its fine

>>717770507
Lul feels bad bro

>>717770079
Don't get excited Anon lmao. She was riding me and out of no where her ring tone just blasts in my fucking ear and I'm like fuck off, don't even get to bust. So we pulled out and she did her best to suppress her breathing and I went and washed up as they talked about getting food or some shit. Nothing exciting I assure you.

>>717769585
Right? Like for any bro out there that tries anal play and gets grossed out by shit, they need to fucking sit down and take a reality check.

Shit comes out of the ass. So if you play with said ass, then obviously you can expect there is going to be shit in there.

Real life isn't porn, your girl isn't going to do a colon cleansing and bleach her ass hole before you do anal, unless she really really really loves anal. So man the fuck up and learn to deal with some shit. The main reason girls get fucking scared of anal is because of the guys that freak out and get all grossed out when their girl has shit in her ass. Seriously guys, man up or stick to pussy.
>>
>>717771141
wait, it's not called an enigma?
>>
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kek
>>
>>717767573
Moreee faggot
>>
>>717761501
this is now epic bread


and im toastin in it
>>
>>717759985
My god OP, you have to have her poop 1st or do the enemy to get cleaned out. Or if she is like most normal girls they only poop 1x every 2 or 3 days. Gotta time it right, like ovaltining so you don't pregnant her.
>>
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>>717761501
>enigma
>>
>>717762157
I'm confused, whatever you stick in her ass bleeds? Like your finger? Does she have an acidic stinkter?
>>
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Here you faggots go, I actually wasted my time creating this. Thank me later after you post it on reddit for your upvotes.
>>
>>717761501
bet niga dont go to school
>>
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>>717761501
>>
>>717770004
Possibly you don't get deep enough?
>>
>>717773151


>enemy
>ovaltining

Tryingtoohard/10
>>
>>717773793
Thx bae
>>
>>717762732
calm down edward scissorhands
>>
>>717759985
And that's why you don't just go in anyway. If you do butt stuff with no preparation you're going to end up dealing with shit. Literally.

All you need to do is make sure they've recently taken a shit and wipe properly. Fail that, enjoy ending up touching poo.
>>
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>>717761501
> do an Enigma
>>
>>717774304
Actually autocorrect/10
Yes I actually use ovaltining as a verb... stupid phone
>>
>>717771708
It's called an enema.
>>
>>717770668
Actually anyone who isn't a retard uses a condom for anal. Even ignoring your standard STIs, an ass is obviously not a clean place and the average everyday bacteria there can get in your urethra and give you an infection. Even between tested clean and monogamous partners, you should always use a condom for anal.
>>
>>717762157
Might be something you already did. Let her heal up for a couple weeks. Anal injurys take awhile to heal because large shits can open the wounds again
>>
Hot water enigmas are the best.
>>
Only did anal once with a chubby Mexican chick. Was drunk, high on pills and in full "I don't give a fuck mode" about anything. I bare backed that shit and my dick came out spotless. I even touched it afterwords and smelled my hand and there was no trace of shit smell. I guess I got lucky. Then I laid there laughing listening to her fart my cum out in the bathroom.
>>
>>717761501
Warm water enigma
>>
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>>717761501
>>
personally, i prefer superheated steam enigma
>>
>>717761501
That's right, she should do an E Nygma before anal sex. Tell her:

I Fuck Your Orifices Unless Wayne Alters Nap Time, And Not A Loser Uses Secret Entrances, Let Uber Be Everything.

Ruddle me this, Buttman!
>>
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>>717761501
>enigma
anon are you ok?
>>
>>717760936
This. Plus you have to use lube unless you want her to scream upon first penetration and not want anything to do with anal ever again. Plus OP is a fgt for getting this worked up about a little shit that he got on his finger. Plus OP is a fgt.
>>
>>717776881
I am legitimately James Carrey, please give me work in hollyweed, anons I am this desperate.
>>
>>717775491
Then use one for oral because it's cleaner to stick a finger up your ass and then touch a wound than it is to lick your finger and touch one.
>>
>>717776881
top kek
>>
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>>717776881
I came to this thread because I saw this reply on the front page.
You win the only fuck I've ever given, anon
>>
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>>717778365
>it's cleaner to stick a finger up your ass and then touch a wound than it is to lick your finger and touch one.

I am quite certain that is not accurate.
>>
>>717778365
you realise you're saying your ass is cleaner than your mouth
>>
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>>717761281
>tl;dr
We can read here, faggot.
>>
>>717762157
>what do
Nothing. That's her problem. Keep playing in the mud anon.
>>
>>717759985
What the fuck did you think you'd find in there you retard?
>>
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>>717773793
Thanks for the context you shitty screen capper.
>>
>>717759985

What a pussy.
>>
>>717759985
OP I did anal with my GF for the first time and ran into the same problem I just cleaned off and didn't mention it to her and if she knew we both just mutually didn't mention it. If we start doing anal and feel like there is going to be problems we just stop now otherwise she still loves anal and I love doing her there.

TL:DR I had the same problem got over it and she just cleans better and preps better now and I fucked her ass and ate it out just this weekend and no problems. In fact her ass had no taste whatsoever you could say licking a pussy has more taste. I ended up cuming in her ass too and still eating it after and no taste.
>>
>>717775491
>anyone who isn't a retard uses a condom for anal
I like to tear up a bitch's ass too. The mix of blood, lube, and shit is a smell like no other. For added friction, I dip a dry condom in glue and sand before I ram rod that poop pipe.
>>
>>717759985
man up and read about anal before trying, idiot! there are ways to clean it beforehand and thats what you or her should do before. If you don´t do so expect what you already got. It is just that way and not like in porn movies.
>>
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>>717781445
67 "words" OP
66 "words" TL;DR
I guess you're not wrong but you've kinda missed the point of TL;DR and you've clearly missed the site it belongs too. Back to /r/eddit faggot.
>>
God dammit OP. Time to learn a valuable life-lesson here.

If you want a woman in your life, you're going to have to get used to her shit.
>>
>>717782238
Hey fuck you asshole you got my point it's not like it was even that long to begin with I figured i'd just get to the point with the TL:DR
>>
>>717759985
be a fucking man, jesus christ. so you wait another night and just have her not eat for like 4-6 hrs before you try it. That has happened like twice to me with 2 different girls out of the 30+ women I've been with. At very least I put a finger in 20 of their asses. I never use condoms for anal because I prefer to cum inside. I have never pulled out with shit on my dick more than 3 times (and I'm talking a tiny spec. Just ease in gradually with silicone based lube and don't fuck it like its a vagina if she's not used to it and you'll be fine. Anal is the best things ever and doesn't bring pregnancy. What the fuck isn't to like?
>>
>>717761501
She's not a fucking Stand Anon
>>
>>717782467
>I figured i'd just get to the point with the TL:DR
How about next time you just type what you're going to type. We aren't illiterate here on 4chan and can read 133 words. You're over thinking it.
tl+DDR: Faggot!
>>
>>717781493
>I like to tear up a bitch's ass too. The mix of blood, lube, and shit is a smell like no other. For added friction, I dip a dry condom in glue and sand before I ram rod that poop pipe.
Virgin detected.
>>
>>717759985

You shoved your finger in her ass. What did you expect to find, gold?

Stop thinking porn is real life, you moron. Those girls do enemas before every anal scene and they don't eat for at least 12 hours before then.
>>
>>717759985
I don't see the problem. She doesn't want this and now neither do you.

>>717782645
Be a fucking man and don't listen to this faggot. Make your own decisions like an adult.
>>
>>717761501

>enigma
>>
A real man would have given her the ol' dirty sanchez for not cleaning her ass out for you
>>
>>717762942
I'd recognize that line work anywhere.
I love Plague.
>>
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>>717761501
>enigma
>>
>>717761501
Man is a riddle, wrapped in an enema.
>>
>>717759985
The point of buttfucking a woman is to utterly degrade her and humiliate her with or without her willing participation.

If you can't deal with a turd, then you can't treat her like a turd.

/thread
>>
>>717776881
dude, you fuck her dirty ass and make her do dirty ATM....dafuq? youse needs sum edge-u-cation !!!
>>
>>717759985
OP, queer...stick finger in gfs asshole...hits poop (in an asshole)...finds shit in an asshole...and is too much of a pussy when he finds shit, in an asshole...what'd you'd think you'd find? Gold? Stupid fucking post...
>>
>>717785879
>>
>>717785879
>use /thread on his own post
is it summer already?
>>
>> 1997, dating 7/10 I know from Rocky Horror
>> 7/10 is a bit of a whore
>> By "bit of a whore," if you asked her to show you her erogenous zone, she'd stand spread-eagle & say "pick a spot"
>> First time I met whore, took her to a bud's place after Rocky
>> For the last 3 weeks, bud has been having improptu sex parties at his place
>> This no exception
>> A year later, we'd fucked everywhere, anywhere, including some of her girlfriends
>> One time, just the two of us, she wants to try anal
>> Condom/lube up, go to town
>> femaleorgasm.exe
>> After extraction, her facedown, notice disgusting smell
>> neverhappenedbefore.jpg
>> Go to bathroom, turn on light
>> Small turd pile on end of cock
>> flushcondom.exe
>> cleanthefuckup.exe
>> Back in bed, no mess
>> No smell either
>> Last time anal w/ whore

Whew!
>>
>>717786218
At least corn is yellow, sorta like gold...
>>
>>717787341
winter break nigga
>>
>>717770503
underrated
>>
File: maxresdefault.jpg (160KB, 1013x725px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
maxresdefault.jpg
160KB, 1013x725px
>>717761501
I found what this faggot is talking about
>>
>>717759985
Here's a legit answer: you're a fucking pussy. Your SO said be gentle and you dropped the ball harder then Hillary. You fucking suck at this
Thread posts: 151
Thread images: 55



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