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>22, turning 23 on the 8th >Still a kissless virgin with

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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>22, turning 23 on the 8th
>Still a kissless virgin with 0 friends irl and a few co workers tolerate me, never been to a party and been on 1 date
How do I fix my life /b/ros? I'm fucking miserable and I want out.
>>
You can kill yourself or make friends and maybe even fuck some of them
>>
>>717684008
>Have 0 friends
I don't know how. All I know about friendship is from watching anime and TV. I already tried suicide, it made me want to live and change my life.
>>
>>717683808
>Join the military
>Start selling drugs you'll be more popular
>Hire a prostitute
>Kill your family
>Kill yourself
>Kill your pets and blame it on your siblings
>Steal a car
>Rob a bank
>Beat up homeless people
>Try out auto-erotic asphyxiation
>Start playing pool
>Join a book club
>Talk to yourself because if you are you're own friend you'll never be lonely
>Go hitchhiking
>Kidnap hitchhikers
>Become a hooker
>Strangle hookers
>Become a serial killer
>Start a business
>Go outside and talk to strangers
>Stick your dick in a vacuum cleaner
>>
>>717684224
>hire a prostitute
>beat up homeless people
>talk to yourself
>strangle hookers
>become a serial killer
I loved that movie
>>
>>717684224
>Join the military
I have a decent paying job with people I actually like. I don't want to lose that.
>Start selling drugs you'll be more popular
I grow my own shrooms and weed, I just don't talk to people or leave my house.
>Hire a prostitute
Why? Getting laid is easy. It's having consentual sex with a girl who gives your genetics the a OK that's difficult.
>Kill your family
>Kill yourself
>Kill your pets and blame it on your siblings
Nah.
>Steal a car
Did this before when I was 12. Was pretty cool except the juvie part and the ass whooping.
>Rob a bank
Maybe.
>Beat up homeless people
Nah.
>Try out auto-erotic asphyxiation
I do it subconsciously. Jerking off I hold my breath randomly. Feels good man.
>Start playing pool
Might be cool. I need to find a bar with a pool table that isn't a biker bar.
>Join a book club
Might be cool.
>Talk to yourself because if you are you're own friend you'll never be lonely
This is a good one.
>Go hitchhiking
No. That's fucking terrifying.
>Kidnap hitchhikers
If it's a hot girl sure.
>Become a hooker
Too overweight. I'm a burger.
>Strangle hookers
>Become a serial killer
Nigga.
>Start a business
If I didn't just buy a house this might be cool.
>Go outside and talk to strangers
I do, I'm pretty good at it. I'm just really bad about following up or asking for contact info.
>Stick your dick in a vacuum cleaner
Did this too. Didn't feel too great, too used to my death grip when jerking off.
>>
>step 1: get off 4chan
>step 2: do literally anything you have the slightest interest in
>step 3: profit
>>
>>717684735
Well let's try again shall we?

>Get naked and take peyote in the desert to find your spirit animal
>Rob a convenience store (Sometimes it's okay to start small)
>Read a self help book
>Take antidepressants
>Burn your house down cleverly to commit insurance fraud
>Join the Peshmerga and fight ISIS
>Join ISIS and fight the Peshmerga
>Travel to the Congo to help build wells
>Start a band
>Set a stranger on fire
>Set yourself on fire in public to protest rising gas prices
>Share a coke with a friend (oh wait)
>Travel the world
>Sail the seas
>Become a Merchant Marine
>Join the French Foreign Legion
>Have a nervous breakdown
>Invent an ingenious contraption
>Get addicted to heroin
>Launder money
>Join a gang
>Become a mad scientist
>Start a firefight with the police
>Go innawoods
>Buy a gun
>Steal a gun
>Become a stand up comedian
>Learn how to dance
>Try out speed dating
>Learn to cook
>Kiss your sister
>Wrestle a bear
>Challenge someone to a duel
>Figure out what your deep rooted mental issues are and face them so you don't post on this cesspool of a site about how you have no friends and want to end it. For real man I hope you can pull yourself together. Life can actually be pretty rewarding if you can pull yourself together and form meaningful relationships with the people around you. I love you anon. Please fix your shit before it's too late.
>>
>>717684109
>anime

there's your problem
>>
>>717683808
Find yourself a decent therapist who's willing to work with you and actually gives a shit. Could work wonders.
>>
>>717685602
Sounds like a plan.
>>717685402
Stop using movie synopsis you memelord.
>>717685384
I've been in this shithole since 2005. I can't leave.
>>
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>>717685438
U talking shit about cardcaptor Sakura nigga
>>
>>717683808
>22/m, non-virgin here. You really haven't missed much.
>>
>>717685686
I wasn't using movie synopsis. You hurt my feelings nigga. And here I am Talking to you in your dead ass thread. You didn't even read the whole post did you. Ouch. That hurt me anon. I was the one who suggested you see a therapist too because I care. Now I unsuggest it. I'm welling up :'(
>>
>>717685686
If I met you irl I'd beat you up and take your lunch money
>>
>>717683808
MY friend is 36 and he's still a virgin. Chill out, it's not that bad yet.
>>
>>717685936
Does he get a wizard staff? That'd be neato
>>
Check and see if your city has one of those speed-dating things in caf├ęs. Haven't personally went there but reckon it could be nice.

Check if there's a facebook page for new people in your town. They sometimes do "events" and go to bars together.

For short-term satisfaction, go to a bigger city near you to a youth hostel. They often do pub crawls on Fridays and you can meet some interesting people there. Be yourself of act like someone else, why not eh?

Start with a hobby, warhammer for example. I used to be into it and their Games Workshop stores often did tournament nights/ painting sessions. It'll get you out of the house and you'll meet some genuinely nice people.

Instead of browsing or doing whatever you do online, go to a coffeeshop every once in a while. Don't give me the "it's hipster" crap, you sound lonely and just being around people will give your mental state a positive boost. Even without interracting with anyone.
>>
>>717683808
>been on 1 date
Our King! Hail the King!

Tell us kiss less virgins of you adventure!

>more then most can say, the closest they ever got to a female was there mother
>>
>>717685686
Your problem is everything you read and see you relate to movies and anime. Things happen in real life anon. Not everything has to be a movie.
>>
>>717683808
probably wanna work on not being ugly
>>
>>717685971
No. He's just miserable and depressed.
>>
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>>717683808
I'm nearly 50 and haven't had friends in decades. My parents threw me out into the street when I was 17 and told my they didn't like me as a person, so I have no family who care whether I live or die. Holidays like christmas are just another day to me.

And you know what? I think my life is just fine. Isolation doesn't have to be crushing. Solitude has its consolations: I can dress as I please, smoke a stinky pipe, and grow a massive, shaggy beard. And if I don't feel like bathing, people can stand upwind if they don't like it. I estimate I've read something on the order of 12,000 books in my life thus far, since my time is my own to spend as I please.

Instead of trying to become something you're not, accept that the world has no place for you and learn to enjoy your loneliness.
>>
>>717686208
dude you're nearing 50 and you're on 4chins? i'd recommend killing yourself
>>
>>717686131
Is he a likeable person in general? Why do you think that's the case?
>>
>>717686208
You're pretty literal for a homeless person.
>>
>>717686208
Don't listen to this guy. His life sounds hallow and awful. When he dies nobody will find him until the stench gets to the street. And hes fuckin' 50 on /b/. You DO NOT want to be this guy.
>>
>>717686300
when the fuck are YOU getting off 4chins then?
>>
>>717686324
He's a good person, but he lives in his imagination like he's something special. He's ego is too big.
>>
>>717685808
The virgin thing doesn't bother me that much because I know I can get laid. I just want a meaningful relationship.
>>717685844
Sorry man, it's late. I appreciate it.
>>717685883
Okay. I don't carry cash on me, you're welcome to beat me if you can though.
>>717685936
Thanks.
>>717686057
Will do. Thank you
>>717686071
I know, it's my one Trump card against my self defeating thoughts.
>>717686089
I know. I'm conflicted over suddenly giving a shit what other people think about my life when I've been content just living it. I hear co workers talk and joke about hooking up and drinking and partying and it triggers me because I never did it and I'm too anti social to try it. I'd like to try it but just going somewhere feels so intimidating.
>>717686117
Good contribution. Thanks for posting.
>>717686208
Learning to not give a fuck is what I need to do. I'm wasting the best years of my life caring about stupid shit.
>>
>>717686364
Before he turns fucking 50 you sperg.
>>
>>717686208
>I estimate I've read something on the order of 12,000 books in my life thus far
Is that one "0" too much? That's 50*365/12000 = 1,52 or roughly one and a half books a day, from the moment of your birth till age 50.
>>
>>717686364
when i wake up and say to myself "man i'm too old to be on this website"
which definitely would happen before my fourties
>>
>>717686396
Some people are arrogant and self-superior as fuck and they have lots to show for it. So you're saying he thinks he's great, but doesn't do anything to make himself so?
>>
>>717686410
Stopping with giving a fuck about things is difficult. And practically impossible without help.

I used to be a bit too concerned about it too and reading some books did help me a lot.
These did the most for me:
>>The Breakthrough Experience, by Dr. John F. Demartini
>>F**k it Therapy, by John C. Parkin
>>
>>717686410
>if you can though

I'm gonna beat you up with a baseball bat outta noWEA
>>
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>>717683808
Pro tip: your body will start falling apart after 25.
>>
>>717686549
Exactly.
>>
>>717686486
I've read an average of a book a day since I was 17. I'm 48, so that's 31x365, which is 11,315. With the books I read as a kid -- I've always been a fast, voracious reader -- I figure that puts me close to 12,000. I've done so much reading I can tear through the average book in two to three hours.
>>
>>717684735
Ayyyy I just bought a house too :D but I stay in shape by doing excersizes at home and CONTROL what I eat so I'm not a fat fuck. Also even when being a virgin I never obsessed about women like you do. EVERYONE will always be able to tell how creepy and lustful you are unless you chill that the fuck out weirdo
>>
>>717686410
Therapy bro. Sounds like talking to somebody (/b/ doesn't count lol) could really help you in your situation.
>>
>>717686300

What does that even mean. Theres no age limit here. If any anon should get off it would probably be you underaged b& kiddies that plague this site
>>
>>717686461
>>717686493
don't make me laugh. your life isn't gonna be better at 50 than at 25. you'll have more reason to come here as you age, not less.
>>
>>717686650
HAH NERD seriously thought tf are you doing on /b/ you're an old ass man.
>>
You remind me of a guy I work with, so I'll address you as if I was addressing him -

Stop being an awkward fucking mouthbreather. Seriously put some effort into not being an awkward motherfucker. Pay attention to social cues. Stop spending 12 hours a day watching anime and playing vidya. Think of things to say in a conversation instead of sitting there shrugging and mouthbreathing. Make fucking eye contact, and maintain it (not in a creepy way you fucking weirdo).
>>
>>717686410
alright if you dont appreciate my contribution, heres some more. be desirable. be interesting. theres no magic prankinvasion way to get a girl to fuck you.
>>
>>717686650
>I've read an average of a book a day since I was 17
Well that's impressive. I guess.
I don't think I'd retain much if I tried that.
>>
>>717686071
Oh, story.
>Fuck around on Tinder, swiping right on everyone
>One match, girl actually messages me
>Talk a bit, we like the same shit. Arrange for a date at a local coffee shop
>Place is cool, coffee tasted like shit
>She's your typical hipster nerd, thick rimmed glasses, red lipstick, trendy striped top and skinny jeans tucked into brown boots and chubby but not gross
>She was into college life at a fancy expensive women's only college for some shit in the health field.
>I ended up doing most of the talking, I thought it went ok
>Pay for our shit about 2 hours later and she says she wants to do this again, gives me her number
>Wait for her to message me back, she never does
>Send her a message, she never responded

That was about it. Better than what I hoped.

>>717686603
Probably the only way you'd win. I'm 6'3 and 260.
>>717686610
It feels like it already. I swear I feel like I'm in my 70s.
>>717686663
Thanks friend. I don't talk about women at all unless someone asks me. I try to keep a health attitude towards women but the internet has poisoned me.
>>717686701
Yeah, it looks like it. Thanks
>>717686804
My co workers think I'm normal. I project a good appearance and people seem surprised to find out how much of a fuck up I am. I know they know I'm a loser, it isn't hard to tell.
>>717686810
True. You have to have something other people want. Equivalent exchange.
>>
>>717686763
It's not about being better dude it's about the fact that this place gets old after awhile. This is the first time I've checked out /b/ in a year. I already spend most of my time on /diy/ and /out/ if I'm on 4chan. Seriously if you're into this at 50 it's just sad. Do you really like traps and wwyd threads that much at 48 after doing all dat dere reading and shit?
>>
>>717683808
Stop judging yourself and chill the fuck out. People like people who like themself.
>>
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>>717686803
I've been here since the beginning. There was a time when you could refresh the front page and always find two or three threads by people with first-class story-telling skills who had had amazing lives or entertaining and amusing experiences. It wasn't until Anonymous happened and the alphabet agencies threatened to seize 4chan's servers that m00tikins spread his ass-cheeks and kicked all the interesting people off, turning /b/ into the text equivalent of Habbo Hotel. /b/ was never good, but we used to get an old and more intelligent class of troll.
>>
>>717686934
>I'm 6'3 260

Doesn't mean shit if you're sedentary and have never trained in any combat sports. I could just run around you in circles until you pass out.
>>
>>717687001
Then why are you still here?
>>
>>717684735

>Go outside and talk to strangers
>I do, I'm pretty good at it. I'm just really bad about following up or asking for contact info.

If you're confident enough of you're ability to socialise, I'd recommend that you go to an event related to a hobby of yours (concert, convention, whatever) and strike up some convos. It's honestly as simple as getting someone's facebook, and messaging them later to hang out again.

Rinse and repeat.
>>
>>717686998
True. It's hard to just relax and chill out sometimes.
>>717687064
I'll just fall on your skinny ass and take you out.
>>717687110
I'd probably have to get buzzed before I go to anywhere crowded. This is a good idea though. Thank you
>>
>>717686763
what bullshit are you even saying? i'm here for /vg/ so i dont have to deal with leddit fucks and /b/ to jerk off. you're like a grown ass grandad dude. if you're coming here for any reason you need to sort out your life

>>717686740
i'm 23
>>
>>717687001
>its always been bad
>but our trolls were fancier than your trolls

dude kill yourself
>>
>>717687200
I'm 195 pounds on gear (steroids) biznatch You may be taller but I'll catch you and cup your titties. As soon as you pause to be bashful I'll hit you wit dat left hook to the body right hook to the chin son. Then I'll headbutt your nut sac (no homo)
>>
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>>717687431
>>
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>>717687107
It's not like I'm here every day. I drop in occasionally to give advice to younger people who are dealing with being exceptional people, as I was. I was a child prodigy and taught myself to read and write from comic books at the age of two. My IQ was rated at four sigmas, which means it's higher than 99.97% of the population. I've never had much luck connecting with other people, and to be honest I've never found most people very interesting below the surface. I've learned to enjoy my solitude and I like to think I can help others to do likewise.
>>
>>717687470
No shit I'm not being serious you homo were just having fun here. I didn't even get to the part where we start making out yet.
>>
>>717687531

take your pills
>>
>>717687531
If I were you I'd use my brain powers for evil. But that's just me. Are you averse to blowjobs anon? Because you need friends to get blowjobs.
>>
>>717687200
No, you don't have to get buzzed. Stop running away from your problems. Stop having ideas about who you think you are, "pretty good at talking to strangers" but needing alcohol and finding it difficult to be chill? Cut it the fuck out dude. Everyone has some level of apprehension or uncertainty when meeting new people. You need to hit it hard and practise and get better at steering convos into something that's enjoyable for both you and the other party. And get /fit/. Not /fit/, but healthy.
>>
>>717683808
This is the official no get thread
check my singles
>>
>>717687200
>Skinny

My ass is muscular baby. You'll fall on my muscular ass ;) We'll see if you take me out. It depends on whether or no you're a gentleman.
>>
>>717687531
Tf do you do for a living bro?
>>
>>717687531
dude fuck off. i cant believe this is what happens to someone when they lock themselves in the basement for 30 years
>>
>>717687639
I'm lucky in that I'm asexual, which makes solitude and isolation a viable lifestyle. And to be honest, I'm fairly well-known. Well enough known that there's a Wikipedia article about me and I'm often in the media. I've outed myself here occasionally.
>>
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>>717687531
>i'm special
>i've been on /b/ since the beginning
you're "special" alright
>>
>>717687853
How do you make money? You're not attracted to anyone at all? You don't even jerk off? I couldn't imagine.
>>
>>717687853
hows it feel to dethrone op as "without a doubt ugliest looking person in this thread"
>>
>>717687683
You're right. I'm still looking for easy outs and saying I want things to change while doing nothing to facilitate that. Exercise would help me a lot, it's earnest progress where I feel like everything I'm doing better at I fuck up once and it's suddenly wasted effort and I'm back to ground zero.
>>
>>717687853
alright anon, google popular old asexuals and give me the wiki to who you're pretending to be today
>>
>>717683808
step one: shower at least once a day. more often when hot weather. use cologne.
step two: read a fucking book so when a girl finally notices you - you can actually talk to hewr about any fucking thing
step three: repeat step 1 and 2.
>>
>>717688011
I've done a lot of things. I'm published professionally as a writer, I've hosted a couple of radio shows, and I once (unsuccessfully) ran for public office. Being solitary doesn't mean you need to barricade yourself in your basement forever. In fact, I once spent an entire year homeless, living in a tent, as I hitched my way across the continent. You can have an exciting life full of adventure and accomplishment without needing to be social or have friends. I like to think my prickliness might even be part of my charm.

>>717688190
You know, this is usually why I end up outing myself. Anyone whose life exists outside the small bubble of white suburban teenybopper existence is called a liar on 4chan these days. No, I'm not lying, but no, I also don't feel like outing myself today. Deal with it.
>>
>>717688400
It's too bad you don't want to out yourself. I'm genuinely fascinated. You don't have any friends at all? I mean there's got to be somebody right? Are you not social at all?
>>
poop and pee in the woods, then you will find gratitude
>>
>>717688400

Vermin supreme?
>>
>>717688116
What do you mean fuck up and it's wasted effort? Is this getting injured from exercising, or social-wise? It will never be wasted effort as long as you apply your effort in the right direction. Anyway, getting your life where you want it shouldn't be considered "effort". You can't say "my life is shit and I'll put in effort and one day it'll be great". You need to actually take pride and enjoy every little progress you make, no matter how miniscule, like "Just by working out, my life is already better than it was an hour ago." Otherwise you'll burn out, trust me.
>>
>>717688400
>tl;dr you caught me i'm actually just an old nobody with no excuse to be on here
nice try bub go back to bed
>>
>>717688523
I have people I've worked with, but I don't have anyone I "hang out with," no. I don't want or need emotional bonds with people. I have a well-developed internal life and spend a lot of time inside my head. I enjoy my own company. I've gone months, occasionally, without so much as talking to another human being to the point where I've made croaking noises when I finally tried to speak because I'd forgotten how -- and never really noticed how long it had been. My suspicion is that I'm probably somewhere on the autistic spectrum, especially as asexuality is one of the more common comorbidities, but it's not a problem as far as I'm concerned so I've never had myself formally diagnosed.

As long as I have my pipes, a pouch of tobacco, and books to read, I don't anticipate I'll ever lack for something to fill my time.
>>
>>717688565
My biggest issues are my self defeating mentality and what I suspect to be a form of bipolar. I swing from being happy to being on the verge of suicide to wanting to choke someone dead.

I've always bottled things up, this is the first time that I've been able to express any emotions and I don't know how to deal with them. They either control me or I bottle them up. I don't know what to do and it's so frustrating.
>>
>>717689028
You shouldn't bottle unless absolutely necessary. People can tell, only to a limited extent, but they can. Say someone is really stressed, and pretends to be happy, others may or may not realise he's stressed, but they'll still feel like something's off. Let your emotions be, just don't physically harm anyone.

Yeah it sucks not being in control of your emotions, whatever. You need to find people who you can have a good time with, they'll generally be useful while you get your shit in order. Anyway there's a good chance you'll feel better in general as you get physically healthier. Also are you sleeping well? That's what I'll look at first if I don't feel good.
>>
>>717689628
Sleepwise I get 3-5 hours. I just tend to stay up late because I binge watch shit or play video games or fuck around with my guitar. If I exercised restraint I'd be OK. Thank you for the advice.
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