Ohmyfuck! No Secrets thread. Tell your secrets here. secrets/advice/vent

>>717479992

mom's girl fingered backcar in friend

>>717479992

me like girl. girl text me back. but when lets do together she no text. then busy. then give it a shot! now holiday no do together. she shy, right? she wahnt me right?

(congratulations, you're a fucking meme now loser)

i want to suck off old dudes who don't even know my name

>thanks a lot daddy

>>717480857

c'mere

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I have the hots for old dames.

>>717481684

would smash the fuck out of / 10

>>717479992
I am 99.9% certain that my husband is not the father of my children. I aborted the one that was definitely his and told him I miscarried.

>>717481684

she is older than my mom

I come to/b/ hoping for no cancer, everyday

>>717482020

Mom, if you don't fuck me, I'm telling Dad.

here's how it's going down

>be you, be me
>you approach me
>you tell me how you always thought I was such a handsome boy
>you start to caress me
>you say you want to teach me things
>we fuck

>>717480277
At this point you are worse than that fucker...

>>717482259

and if he's not my dad, it's not even incest anyway

>>717482299

found 'that fucker'

>>717481684
I wish I knew her name.

>>717482259
You're pathetic.

>>717482399
Nope. I'm not him, I just lurk these threads

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>>717481684

Some more than others, apparently...

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>>717482502

where the fuck you think you at faggot? looks like you strayed from your lane. GTFO

>>717482685
I refer you back to my previous response.

>>717483528

GTFO. go back to your safe space: barbie.com little girl

>>717483735
And you go stroke your little dinkle whilst thinking about your poor excuse of a mother that clearly didn't give you enough attention.

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>>717484323

faggot

Truth is, I have a girlfriend but sometimes I really want to talk dirty to a random girl, to show them a picture of me and show them what I would do to them and see what they would do to me, no strings attached, where can I find that?

>>717479992

Penis and vaginas

>>717484622

grindr

>you're gonna love it

STALKIER!

>>717484690
I'm into girls tho

>>717479992
I accidentally killed someone when I was 7. No one knows and I never got any repercussions

>>717484622
I've got the same - i often just like talking about sexual topics with girls i know. want to go deeper though

>Still in love with with ex despite the horrible shit she did to me
>been 4 years of this
>don't talk about it to anyone anymore
>no relationship with anyone else
>decent amount of one night stands
>notice I sabotage any potential future relationships because of my feelings for her
>not sure what to do

>>717484770

wants to flirt on grindr

>still not gay

>>717484933

dubs confirm truth

now greentext that

blablabla

Used to masturbate my brothers' dick each night before going to sleep. He is 3 years younger than me and lost both his arms when he was 10.

Kom even langs aub

>>717486022

gril or faggot?

>>717486140
........

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>>717485036

pic related

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>>717486140

if English was good enough for jesus christ, it's good enough for /b/. faggot.

the first time i came i was about 12, i sucked myself off while wearing a girls swimsuit

>be me
>be last night around 2:30 am
>walking around ghetto area
>hooker asks if i want a date
>i say no im broke
>she asks what bank do i go to
>tell her
>she asks if she could put money in my account
>she said she would give me a bj and $50
>im kinda confused
>let her use my phone and bank card(stupid idea i know)
>I say nevermind
>she says you better not leave i just sent you money
>i said it didnt work
>she asks if she can call her dealer
>i let her
>she argues with her dealer(not about me)
>she storms off
>i walk away
>realize i dont have my bank card
>run back
>look for her everywhere but cant find her
>before i go to bed i remember my card number
>so i decide to look at how much money i had in the bank
>there is $7,300 extra in my account
>her money came through
>i didnt do this on purpose
>im kind of scared that her pimp might look for me or something
>wake up the next day
>check account again now there is $16,700 extra
>so she is putting more money in my account
>decide to get a new bank card but the bank is closed till tomorrow
>like i said i didnt do it on purpose, i honestly thought she didnt what she was doing thats why i said nevermind
>she might not know my passcode or password for my account so she cant take any money out
>i have no way of contacting her except looking for her on the street
>money from her will no longer be sent to me by tomorrow because i will have a new card
What should i do? Keep the money? Look for her and give it back? Please help

>>717479992
I lost a stupid bet with my girlfriend and I had to take her to the mall for a shopping spree with a remote vibrator up my ass... Two stores in and I cum inside my pants so she buys me cheap black sweats to wear. Everytime I cum, people give m weird looks as I stand still shivering. Jizzed three times that day in the mall...

>>717479992
I'm cheating on my wife with a co worker I raped a couple years ago.

>>717486655

with dub dubs like those, bet you never left the house

>>717486725

this is The.Most.Belieaveable.Thing.I've.Ever.Seen.On./b/.Ever

>ever

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>>717479992
I wont hace sex whit a shemale

>>717486981

greentext rape

was it the only one?

>>717487102
i did it quite a bit back then, always dressed up

>>717485135
>grindr

>not gay

pick one

>>717486725
Dude paypal me some of that money.

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>be me
>doing a poop
>talk to my asshole out loud
>call him O'reilly
>"c'mon O'reilly you gotta give me more than that"
Do this every time I poo, the only company i need is with O'reilly

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If Jesus is truly omnipotent then it follows that He can fellatiate every penis on this planet in less than 10 seconds flat. Why would anyone even want to uphold a God like that?! this moment has been brought to you by d¡ŁD(ø)Tr°N1x

and I had such high hopes for this thread....

>>717487586

can you still suck your own cock?

>>717487788

ok, but only cause you got dubdubs

>>717488235
[email protected]

>>717485640
>hanging out with few friends
>I was the youngest, others were 1 or 2 years older
>One guy, just gonna call him anon, who was there always wanted attention and was a bit of a bully
>Naturally, he picked on me because I was youngest
>shooting spitballs with straws, called me names and shot rubber bands etc. Just generally annoying
>We were hanging out on the balcony and just sat in the sun drinking sodas and playing board games
>We were talking about action figures or superheroes in general, I don't really remember. But someone brings up batman and how he sits on ledges
>anon realizes a way to get attention and says he could sit on the balcony railing like batman, and starts to climb it
>Everyone else is thinking he's super cool and brave, I didn't like him and was kinda annoyed that he got the attention
>as anon is standing on the outside of the railing, the guy who lived there then suddenly just announced "Ice cream, last one in doesn't get any hahaha" or something and ran inside. Everyone else hurrying after him
>Anon is now trying to climb back inside from the railing
>I see a chance to fuck back with anon and shoot a rubber band at him to slow him down. And he can't let go of the railing to shield himself. Perfect
>He fucking let's go of the railing and brings up both arms to shield from a fucking rubber band
>Lost balance and fell down

I was to scared to say what had happened and everyone else who was there testified that anon climbed out willingly. Police assumed he had fallen when he tried to climb back over the railing

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Secretly, I'm <dildotronics> !!

>>717487788
>>717486725

Since you have failed to achieve, even in the modest task that was your charge, since you have stolen my money, and since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust.

>>717487414
I've green texted it before, I'm at work so I don't have the time right now. I caught her at her second job and ass fucked her, I didn't use lube so it was dry and very uncomfortable. Flipped her in the dumpster she was using and broke her phone. I raped a woman in highschool so it wasn't the only one.

>>717488170
not anymore, been thinking about improving flexibility

>>717486830

you're a cheap date

c'mere you little sissy faggot

>>717488315

THEY DID NOT GET THE MONEY!

>>717488399
the fuck are you talking about?

>>717488315
>>717487788
>>717486725

I have no choice but to tell these bums that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their money from you, anon.

>>717486725
her pimp is coming after you with his backhand
send it to me for safe keeping

>>717486981
greentext that shit, start to finish
also pic of coworker

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>>717486830
I want to gape your gf pussy with my thick cock while you watch me slam her so hard you swear you can hear her pelvis break

>>717488647

Yeah okay when I get the money I'll start worrying.

>>717487331
This happened! I swear to god im scared shitless
If she doesn't have a pimp i might be okay but i don't know what to do with the money. I only make like $1,200 a month, so having $16,700 in the bank suddenly is strange. I have a feeling that if i walk down that street again i might get attacked or something. Seriously what should i do? This is a weird way to start the year

>>717488330

and you got one extra ice cream

>win-win

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I fucked my mom in the at a new years party

>>717488595

I'll tell you what I'm blathering about, man.

>>717488595
>>717488952

Shut the fuck up Donnie!

>>717488595

you're like a child who comes wandering into the middle of a movie

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http://www.esquire.co.uk/culture/news/a12067/mclaren-burned-for-having-donald-trump-branding/

>>717488836

THEY DID NOT GET THE MONEY! THE PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!

>>717479992
I'm a Noncommissioned Officer in the Army. My MOS just started opened to women and as such we got an influx of 18-25 year old females. While i was at my last duty station i didnt touch a single one. Then i found out i came down on PCS orders. The week before I left I plowed through about 7 of them that had wanted to fuck me when they got here. Had a threesome with two of them, and still have more hitting me up after I left telling me they've always had a crush on me.

Do i care if my last unit finds out? meh. they can suck my cock for all i care.

>>717489056

Yeah okay. I have my paypal open and there's no money deposited in there yet. Your bullshit story is a lot more interesting when I get cash deposited in there.

>>717488882
I was suddenly lastone inside. Buuuut no one ate anything after that, from what I remember

>>717488408
Why do you rape?

I was once pciking up a dozen doughnuts when the place was robbed by an armed gunman. One of the patrons was armed and opened fire hitting the gunman. The shot caused him to fire at the clerk who died instantly, he turned to fire at the armed patron but was shot again by the patron. As he fell, he fired killing the patron. I was left with a bag of money and 3 dead men. I grabbed the money and ran. Used it to open an audio store. Got me out of porn.

>>717488841

buy a gun for $500

$16,200 profit

>profit

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If God has a penis, do you think it could be so large that even He couldn't blow Himself? Would that construe a logical paradox inherent in omnipotence itself, or only in a God that liked to blow Himself?

>>717488841

give it to me. I only make about $1,042 every day I work so $16,700 wouldn't even be a blip in my account on a single day

>>717489461
Sounds like a great idea but i live in canada so it will be hard to get a gun

>>717489177

And with Anon as my witness, I tell you this: Any further harm visited upon Bunny, shall be visited tenfold upon your head....By God sir. I will not abide another toe.

>>717489685

I see your problem right there LaJoie

>>717488841

Hey I posted my paypal account in this thread. Let's see the money.

It'll make your problem literally go away.

>>717489830
Put the crackpipe down. You're not entertaining anybody.

Again, 0 fucks given until I see the cash.

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I used to cum in the trashcan but then I started doing kegels and can now reach an ejaculatory distance about 1 meter. Due to my newfound range I upgraded to the family's towels for showering.

tl;dr I fap and cum into the same towels that my family wipes their faces with.

>it goes through the wash so it's okay amirite?

Gangbanged a woman who worked at my university a few years ago with some fellow student anons. Best fuck of my life even with the risk. We were into it. She was into it even more and it was the highlight of my sex life to this day. May post her pic if interest

>>717489685
>>717490012
>>717488841

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PsnxDQvQpw

>>717490141

You are entering a world of pain!

>>717490235

I bleieve this

>>717490336
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

I'm 20 years old (female) and have slept with 19 different men, also I was in a committed relationship for nearly 3 years and started having sex at 15, so 18 were over the course of 2 years essentially

>>717490444

I didn't watch my buddies die face down in the muck.....

>>717490520

c'mere

I care if she loves me or loves me not. Yo, this is why I'm not hot. Yo, this is why... Tattoed tears are planned.

>>717490520
Genuine questions

>Did they seduce you or did you offer?
>Did you just choose random guys or did you know them?
>What were their personalities like, seriously, like were they the go-getter alpha male or moreso beta?
>Was there anything they said or did that turned you on specifially?

>>717490822

>Also do you prefer cut or uncut?

>>717491185
I prefer cut vaginas, thanks for asking.

>>717490822

Anon, unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy.

I've had sex with all 4 of my female cousins ranging age 22-16

>>717488793
The only picture I have of her is her Facebook profile so I'm not posting that. I guess I have some time to spare, I'm on my phone so I'm not green texting it.

I was heading home after work, about 2 in the morning. I was about to pass the gym where my coworker moonlights at and saw her dumping garbage in the dumpster off to the side of the building. I'll call her A. A has a great ass, show's she's been working on her squat and she always wears leggings to work. Parked a little down the street when I saw her go back in and stepped out of my car for a smoke. Soon she came back out with a couple more bags and headed to the side of the building, it was showtime. I looked around the corner to see her tossing the last bag into the dumpster and whipped out her phone. I snuck up on her and smashfucked her into the dumpster, pinned her shoulder to it and held her face away from mine. She started to scream so I gripped her hair and shoved her face into the dumpster, banging her head. She got the hint and quiet down, kind of went slack like she was giving up. I ripped her leggings down to her knees and pulled my dick out, fucking diamonds looking at her bare ass. I dipped my knob in her pussy to see if I could get it wet, didn't want to let go with both hands. She was a little wet, not much though. I pulled her ass apart and pushed against her backdoor. She started squirming again and again I hit her head against the dumpster, again she got the hint. It wasn't easy, took a couple of tries but I ended up in her butt. I can't stress enough how uncomfortable it was without proper lube and shit started chaffing real quick. I toughed it out and ended up cumming balls deep in her ass. Right after I pulled out I grabbed her by the waist and flipped her into the dumpster and locked it. Saw her phone on the ground and stomped it just in case she found a way out. Went home, took a shower, smoked with the wife and never heard about it again.

>>717489295
Both times I didn't go out looking to rape, shit fell on my lap

>>717491553
>>717491627

You're a piece of shit

>>717490822
>Some seduced me, some I seduced
>most of them were randoms, there were some I knew tho
>ah some alphas, actually a lot of average 'betas' tho
>um most were older men which is a turn on for me. Honestly I just love sex and one night stands as well. I am currently fucking a 42 y/o regularly, a 24 y/o who is more irregular (actually for the last time today, he is leaving the country) and there is a 28 y/o I flirt with, kiss and fuck occasionally on the side.
>uncut I guess, it's nicer to suck

>>717492028
You wouldn't happen to be in Ohio or PA, would you?

>>717479992
I like this song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFScoO4tb0

>>717491627
>shit fell on my lap

so to speak

how did wife like the smell of shit on your cock when you went home to bake with her?

>>717492028

c'mere

you're in cali right?

>>717491627
No I mean why did you? Power? Pleasure? Girls looked good?

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>>717492099

I like your trips. and this song.

>>717492117
I took a shower when I got home, just got off work and what not. I was concerned she might smell something.

>>717492221
Both women was banging hot and I had the opportunity.

>>717491758
Don't care

>>717492028

Last question.
>Do you ever worry about STDs and do you ever get checked/make sure your partners get checked beforehand?

STDs are really the number one thing stopping me from trying to hook up with randoms

>>717492395
Wear a condom you dipshit.

>>717492276

surprised you didn't RATWM. raped ass to wife' mouth

>>717479992
Took a shot of fireball when i was 12, grabbed some tits after a christmas party when i was 13 and they asked me to play truth or dare

bae

Right guys.. I think I fucked my chances at having sex with this girl. We texted a bit and we talked about sex and having sex together and then the next day I said I couldent keep her company that night and now we've stopped texting. I have no idea what I did wrong.

>>717489298
If true fuck you lucky cunt

>>717492696

fuck your own brains out (apart)??

>>717492974

see

>>717480277

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>>717492084
>nope
>>717492179
>nope also, sorry boys

Pic related, it's me from when I used to cam

THIS IS HOW I SPEND MY LIFE (not actually 16)

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You both like teenage.
You: hey 16 m
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: 13 f
You: cool. where are you from?
Stranger: USA
You: i'm from australia
Stranger: Cool
You: so you use this site a lot?
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: Hbu?
You: yeah sometimes
You: do you have kik?
Stranger: No
You: that's ok
You: have you done anything sexual yet?
Stranger: No
You: oh how come?
You: not interested in sex?
Stranger: My girlfriend and I are too awkward to do anything until it's legal
You: it's legal lo
You: you're the same age
You: or is she older/
Stranger: We are minors
Stranger: She's younger by a few months
You: it's illegal for an older person to have sex with a minor
Stranger: I'm 13
You: if you fingered each other nothing would happen
You: except for you both getting off lol
Stranger: Yes, well, we're too awkward to do even that
You: what do you mean by awkward?
Stranger: We still live with our parents, you know
You: ah right
You: that is awkward
Stranger: Yeah
You: do you kiss?
Stranger: Yes
You: can i watch?
Stranger: No
You: yeah it would probs be awkward having some 16yo guy jerking off on cam while you kissed
Stranger: Yes, yes it would.
You: i'm jerking off now btw
Stranger: Thanks. TMI.
You: hold on i'm gonna cum
Stranger: Half the people on here are bots, the other half are horny boys.
Stranger: Fantastic.

>>717493141

So where you from??!!

>>717492367
Tell me about the high school rape. Did you cum inside them?

>>717492395
Yeah I get checked from time to time , condoms are a must when fucking someone I don't know

>>717493141
Def hot. Would impregnate you. I'm 25 and built.

>>717493209
One expensive plane ride away

>>717479992
I overdosed twice in the same 2 month span. It was around 20 pills each time and it was different meds like adhd, depression, bipolar etc.

Just kill me already.

>>717493158

thanks for oversharing

tl;dr: no seriously, too fucking long, did not fucking read

>>717493453
Snapchat?

>>717487331
I BELIEVE THIS ENTIRELY TOO.

>>717493141

whore

>>717493491
Expensive because aids doesn't heal or what?

>>717493497

>overdosed

implying

you're not very good at it are you?

>>717493141
So where is this planeride? The uk?

I have been popping Ritalin and drinking all day and my sick gf who lives at my apartment doesn't know shit cuz she is in the other room. lel.

just a fyi Ritalin sucks dick, do not recommend

Been in a relationship for 4 years. I've cheated on her with like 6 different women. I just can't help myself, I love fucking sluts. I shouldn't. I work with all of them. but I can't stop myself

Started doing porn and escorting, kind of hate and love life at the same time.

I get to see really nice houses and hotels, hang out with "porn stars", meet famous people, but when I'm not working it's just at home alone waiting for a call to shoot or escort.

>>717493574
No snapchat sorry. Send me your gmail and get some pregnancy tests your gonna need them. ;)

>>717493844

Where are you located?

>>717493844

gril or faggot? either way, share stories plox

>>717493218
It was in the parking lot at school. I was there with my gf attending some battle of the bands shit. Went outside to get some air and some woman wearing a short skirt and converses was balling her eyes out on the phone. After she hung up I pushed her down on her front and pinned her to the gravel. I had a wallet condom, being a dumb teenager and all, so I wrapped my jimmy and came buckets in her. Dragged her by the hair to the edge of the lot and pushed her into the ditch. Went back inside and flushed the condom, again never heard anything about it nor did I ever see her again.

>>717493929

[email protected]

>>717493974
>Where are you located?

"meet famous people" "porn stars"

duh, faggot. do the math

>jeezus

>>717492254
did you just rick roll me

>>717494167
Got it. I'll email you in 20 mins ;)

>>717494476

never gonna let you down

>>717494516
groovy

>>717494516

lol that's not her..

>>717488882
Kek

>>717479992
In an effort to find a gift for my girlfriend, I found her pinterest. In doing this, I realized how convenient it would be to keep porn on a pinterest account, so I've been doing it ever since. I haven't gotten her a gift yet though

>>717493974
Las Vegas, home of hookers.

>>717494067
Femanon, hmm....went to Kink armory and was shown a river that flows under the building. Met some crazy performers like Riley Reid and Bonnie Rotten, seems like most girls do porn to charge premium hooker rates.

>>717494160
Whoa. Rape anyone else?

>>717484690
that is my life. a 16 y/o girl texted me and told she wanted me to take her virginity.

>mission accomplished

>>717493629
>meh
>>717493706
>fuck fact, aids has a 0.4% chance of being sexually transmitted
>>717493731
>way off
>>717494516
Not my email

>>717486830
lmao

>>717480277
hahahha

>>717495074
Nope, I don't go out looking to rape.

>>717486022
I'll bet he misses you now.

i basically cyber stalked this one person. it was a total obsession at one point.

>>717487368
where is this pic from? are you from latin amercia?

>>717486604
Absolutely poetic. topkek

I found one single nude of an ex-friend and have spent the last 3 years trying to find more. Its like an obsession, but I know I won't find anymore.

I had a sex dream about my little brother last night

>>717495295
Did they moan? I heard some victims orgasm or feel pleasure even if it's rape.

>>717495761
I doubt the coworker had any pleasure with it. I did hear my dick sloshing around in the first ones pussy though.

>>717479992
i've molested my cousin

I pissed my pants second day of 8th grade. It was my last class of the day(gym) and It was about mid way. Coach said we couldn't go. About an hour later it becomes painful to hold in and I can't do it anymore. For about 20 minutes I am covering the HUGE spot of piss on my brown jeans. I summon up the courage to ask her and she says yes. I run my ass to the bathroom so fast I didn't even say hi to my crush when she said hi to me.

>>717495999
check em

>>717490520
Who the fuck cares? If you're worried about it, don't tell people.

if any of this is true then all you motherfuckers should be put in a fucking asylum

>>717495761
not that guy, but yep. make a girl cum when you rape her and she'll get weird mixed feelings that mean she's less likely to report you and you're more likely to give her some fun kinks long term.

File: dany react.png (441KB, 555x450px) Image search: [Google]

441KB, 555x450px

>>717482020
What's it like ruling Westeros?

>>717495651

gril or faggot?

if gril, greentext. if faggot, IDGAF

>>717486725
pix for proof dude

>>717496045

I read the article you wrote on that.

welcome to /b/