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Britfag here. Other britfags gimme ideas for Legal self defence

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 55
Thread images: 6

Britfag here. Other britfags gimme ideas for Legal self defence that you can carry with you.
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>>717426774
Fuck all m8. We can't even use pepper spray. Fucking fascists.
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>>717426774

just tell them you have mad cow disease and can't remember anything you did 10 minutes ago.
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>>717426774
Fuck I meant to post this on /pol/
Kill me
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A Chelsea hammer
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>>717426774
A sharp icicle in a Thermos.
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>>717426961
What's that?
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>>717426899

no, we're better. we can also diagnose that you have AIDS or super herpes. trust me, you do.
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>>717427025
Aka millwall brick.

A newspaper folded up used to smash cunts in the gabber
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Pork Chop
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>>717426774
Clipper lighter makes a handy "zap bar" to add a little meat to your punches.
Small cans of liquid deodorant work as well as mace if you get someone square in the face, and are small enough to be kept in a pocket.
Failing that, just learn to fight better, learn how to run faster, and then learn judgement so you know when to do what. Unless you pissed off a mentalist, you're unlikely to get shot here, so unless you're within twatting distance, you're safe.
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>>717426774
My mixtape bruv
>>
In the eyes of the UK law
there's no such thing as a Self Defence Weapon
If you are carrying ANY weapon, legal or not, for the sole purpose of self defence you are breaking the laws in the United Kingdom – fact…..
The laws for buying, owning and using a weapon in the United Kingdom are mighty strict – and rightly so – we have some of the lowest injury and death statistics in the world.
This can only be attributed to a near zero tolerance approach towards weapons of all sorts.
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>>717428155
Hi there Ahmed, why don't you go home you sandnigger?
>>
Study the law and remember to maintain COMPLETE self-discipline when interviewed. Remember not to talk to cops and get a lawyer.

You would never carry a weapon of course, but you should take boxing and martial arts training. Never get a "belt" or any of that shit. An award looks bad in court. Never say you are learning martial arts and boxing for anything but sport.

Become an effective liar. Don't talk too much. Keep yer mouth fucking shut as a permanent habit. Don't get drunk or hang around drunks. There are whole groups of losers best avoided.

UK has decided to allow good people to be attacked in sacrificial areas. Don't live where there is crime, do not WANT to live where there is crime, and work to make money at all costs so you can geographically segregate yourself like smart Colonials do to avoid shitskins, spics and white trash.

If you have legitimate use for a padlock you should consider carrying one with a bandanna tied through the shackle. If you need to save your life a police record is a small price to pay. An aged lock showing wear marks is preferable. Have the key on your keyring.

Study actual self-defense law by browsing on an open access point from a notebook using a live Linux distro with MAC address obfuscation or ONLY using a USB wifi dongle you NEVER use at home. Absolute self-discipline is required. There is no one else to protect your rights.

Never sperg about security or self-defense.

Study how to be the gray man. Live by that. Study observation of your surroundings because the best fight is one you avoid without the enemy knowing you exist.

Violence among good, armed Americans BTW is quite low. Don't confuse us with the niggers and human garbage which in a nation of over 300 million people will amount to tens of millions.
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>>717426774
sharp wit
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>>717426774
Always pinch the loaf, always have some left. I will NOT fight a guy who shits himself and rubs it on his own face first. Not gonna happen.
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>>717429075
Someone who knows the game, you're a pigs worst nightmare :P
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>>717429075
>never sperg about security or self-defense

bro
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>>717426774
My fists. At least I can carry them with me.
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>>717430275
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>>717430467
Why this nigga has elephant hands ?
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>>717430522
Mumbamba shudntve stole from the market.
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>>717430467
How does he keep the watch from sliding off?
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>>717430777
good fucking question!
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You should be alright with this
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>self defence
>legal
>>
Question is why do you feel you need self defence? What goes on between your ears to make you think you need weapon to leave the house?
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>>717426774
bike chain. don't even need a bike, just tell the bobbies it's for your bike. dosen't have to be a legit bike chain either, just a big lump of chain and a padlock from B&Q will do and is somewhat preferable

see the pocket knives that are legal? under 3 inches, no lock, only good for cutting your own fingers off with right?
get one with a decent spike that folds out to the middle, commonly these types of knives have a phillips-head screw driver that flips out to the middle but you can find some with "hole-punchers". hold it like a T-knife. fux shit up in a pinch mate but it won't scare anyone off coz they wont see it.

playing darts can get you out of a muddle too. not easy to handle or get a good grip on so if you plan on using them in a scrap keep that in mind. they hurt a ot and arent likely to cause fatal injuries so you can go fucking nuts with em
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>>717431242
>i'm a sheltered child: the post
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>>717426774

god... never been to school recently, have you?

a simple mechanical pencil is a perfect shank. it has a near perfect point and is almost a centimeter wide. shove that in someone's liver and they're done.

in the US, we have so much bullshit going on at university and while in arizona it's only 3% black, i realized quickly that my simple mechanical pencil is better than a prison shank. i still carry a razor sharp switch blade some crazy bitch who had like 5 knives in her purse gave me as a gift; she was bursting pregnant and visited me after she served 10 years for second degree murder--she was with a boyfriend at age 18 and he shot some girl at a party so she got ten years--and she also gave me the saturday night fever soundtrack on vinyl. she's back in prison now for 2 1/2 years but i carry the blade in my backpack in case shit really goes down with a gunman on campus, even though it's totally illegal.
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>>717426774
banter
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>>717431827
that's why america is hilarious
flimsy af springloaded knife; housing will literally explode if you tried to stab someone; like 3mm bladeplay
shits illegal son

barett .50 bmg sniper?
sure you can own one, stick your knob down the muzzle for all we care, just try not to smoke any fags or niggers with it coz it makes us look bad
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>>717426774
>Get a black powder revolver kit
>Pay with cash
>Use Pyrodex
>Essentially get a revolver that you don't have to liscence or register.
>Pair that with some running shoes and you have yourself a good SD weapon.
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>>717431242
It must be really nice to live in an area with no chavs and/or niggers.
>>
Carefull every british man in the age from 16-45 is a hooligan.
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Just carry a knife..... How many times have you been stooped and searched in your life?

Cops aren't gonna stop to see what you've got unless you dress and act like a chav
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>>717426774
Quran.

Muslims won't bomb you if they think you're one of them.
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>>717427686
"Within twatting distance"

Lost it at that!
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>>717426774
>Anonymous 01/02/17(Mon)12:54:51 No.7174
Up to 3 inch shank if it's not a lockable blade and you have reason to be carrying it, IE Chef etc.

Instead of searching for taser... search for cattle prod.
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>>717434993
LOLZ
LOOOOLZZZZ
You transcended your normal cuckery and now you are the hyper cuck the destroyer of nations
>>
Why dont you feel safe anon? pakis?
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https://youtu.be/1GfPLg0yKcY
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A baseball bat. There's nothing wrong, you are going to play a baseball match aren't you?
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>>717437844
We call it rounders over here. It's considered something of a girls game.
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>>717437844
have a baseball glove and a baseball in your glove box at least
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CD. Snap it in half when you need it, be surprised how good they are for slashing, best go for the face.
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>>717428155
aye, providing you have a reason to carry something which could be used as a weapon, like a hammer with nails and a picture frame in the car, you'll be cushty.
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>>717437844
Alternatively, if you're not from some wasteland like East London, a golf club.
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>>717426774
>ausfag here
Id carry around a cricket back
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>>717431242
Not the previous poster, but not everyone is so fortunate in circumstance to live where there are no goblins (a fine Jeff Cooper term).

I came from a cozy white suburb, but as I traveled the US and a bit of the world I met more diverse groups of humans who didn't have that luxury, such as white boys who had to fight their way through nigger schools.

Shit's real.
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>>717432893
OP is British. No hope on the bang stick.

>>717435997
Muslims HATE anyone not their sect and bomb each other for lulz. Pretending to be one is like wearing an acetone-soaked Speedo full of thermite to squat on a campfire.
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>>717434993
Yeah, they'll just cut your head off.
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If you have a car carry a large wrench. You can add it to a toolbag and say it's just another tool in case your car breaks down.
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>>717426774
Bottle of wine in carrier bag.
You were carrying it to/from your girlfriend's house. No problem with groceries.
You can swing the bag and "Name that Ship" on their face, with ease.
Glass and liquid are heavier than a cosh and a baseball bat... and harder.
No gun required.
Thread posts: 55
Thread images: 6



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