The last time I talked to her was before thanksgiving. Now she won't answer my texts or calls. I fell in love with her a long time ago and she never realized. Now I'm broken. I tried to date another girl but I couldn't. Every day, it seems easier to an hero
>>717160700 It's the most painful thing, to leave something so bitter and unfinished; A blank canvas where something beautiful could have existed. Now regret is your brush and loathing your paint, your pigments are colored by doubt and remorse. You tell yourself "it was going to be so good", then it wasn't. Know this, my friend, you cannot fret. There will be more canvases, more ways to make things so good, and always more things to paint. If you find love difficult to find in the coming months, remember this, remember me, and know that I and many others understand this pain. You are loved, a love rooted in mutual understanding and mutual hope for a better dawn. >>717160183
>>717163829 >>717163892 >>717163926 It's complicated. First and foremost she's my manager, secondly, it doesn't make sense. She's absolutely gorgeous whereas the only thing I really have going for me is my height. There are a few things I've seen that could be taken as "signs" but I don't know.
So this is my story, i'm alredy feeling it. >be like 9yo >came back from school >Smells like vomit >I see my dad semi-naked with vomit around >I ask him if i could buy him a pill or something >he answer me, but i can understand its illogic what he's saying >i'll wait from my mom >she came and ask him what happen >Go to hospital >he had to stay there >he had Cancer in the brain >he never talked again, he can't say my name >He was recovering >suddenly before chirstmas he died My real horror-life story
>>717164349 Doesn't mean she loves me. We kinda bond over being depressed and shit and so half the time I feel like she is saying it just to be nice, but I don't know. She says it to other employees, just not as much and not in the same ways that she does to me. For instance, the other day she came into work and was like "Hey Anon, I love you!" and I was like "Hey, what's up?" and then she got kinda close and looked at me and replied "I said I love you," forcing me to say I love you back.
Posting some OC feels music, for a character who died in my autistic story. She was the main characters wife, before being married to him shed been in an arranged marriage fir almost ten years and after that guy died she fell in love with the main character (several years passed in between). Then said xharacter died so she tried her best to protect the children he had given her. She lost two of her daughters, one to a disease and one being shit by a helicopter gunship, then she died fighting to help destroy a massive sky gun that would have destroyed their city and killed her children had it been finished. The music is for her death while she bled out in her husband's mentor's arms after being shot a half dozen times.
>>717161750 Watching two parents who don't love each other doesn't do any good to your children. It'll only teach them to settle for something they don't actually love. They'll also get a fucked-up perception of relationships and commitment.
Don't do it, anon. This is the only life you have. Live it to the fullets, try to be genuinely happy. Your kids don't need a broken marriage, they need parents who show them you can truly be happy in life. Spend as much time as you can with them and also show them that life goes on even if you made not the best choices in the past (like your marriage). Love them and show them what life's about, being happy.
>>717165289 I've been making it since I was 7, mostly out if autistic habit but a real narrative emerged over the years. Now I am 22 and still imagine in this world. It has changed a lot. This girl trielle was one of my favorite characters , but sometimes when bad stuff happened in my real life I would take it out in the story. When I was a kid it was when the teacher took my paper airplanes away and I imagined all the people aboard were dying in a horrible enemy victory. In this case it was shit with a girl and I imagined it as the girl,in this story dying. I finally started novelizing it and I've been trying to make her death scene as sickening as possible because of how it made me feel. The guy having to be pinned down in the firefight and listen to her shouting curses at them and whimpering as she got shot over and,over, then drag her out and hold her hand while she died. I miss her a lot, even though she's just a character in a story. I seriously regret killing,off her husband, too, even though it had purpose. I'm considering resurrecting him but that would set a bad precedent, even though I have the means to do it. I just regretted having him die like 2 years after it happened, trying to fall asleep it just felt like a pit in my chest wishing he was still alive.
>>717164638 Also, a while ago we were talking after I had a rough day emotionally and she was like "I love you... maybe not in the sense of let's go get married and have kids, but you do mean something to me"
>>717166137 It kinda is...I guess I process emotions through this story in some ways. When I started getting depressed in high school the long siege if the good guy's tree city started getting,more and more,hopeless, eventually it fell apart. So much has changed since then. Some of the deaths and defeats are purely part of the story Or for character development, but some are catharsis for my own issues. Hers was definitely the latter. Some,girl and I had a really emotional,conversation and when I fell asleep I listened to Nothing Else Matters on loop for half an hour and let the whole scene play out in my head. It was sick a nd awful but it helped me, deal with it in a weird sort of way. Distracted me without completely distracting me.
I also just realized the other version of that song I posted is messed up near the end and I have to fix it and reupload it. Fuck.
>>717166246 Yeah that's true. I already did lifespan enhancement where one xharacter found drugs that had been banned because increasing,longevity would be seen as unfair or something, so he and his wife used them all on themselves. Mostly to explain him,living,so long as the "main" character. But the guy who I'm considering bringing back (oiron) has a daughter named Andromeda who has his vision and intuition,powers except way more. She basically has IRL wallhacks during some battles. Its kinda like,Paul and alia from dune with the visions of the future. So she has been having visions of her father and is obsessed with finding,ancient tech from the new faction I introduced two years ago to resurrect him. But she could choose: use it to bring back her father, or bring it to scientists in the off chance they could make it work for everyone. And she would likely choose her father, which would be selfish but would,make sense for her.,it still feels really lame and hackey though.
>>717167246 I do think in a story, logic according to the world you created matters more than what people would want. So if you think a certain character would act a certain way, regardless of if it's good or bad, make them act like themselves.
My ex and I have been talking/hanging out again recently. I don't want to go into the whole thing, but we broke up after about 5 months. She stressed that it had nothing to do with me, that I was the "perfect boyfriend", but that she had to "work on herself".
2 months ago she came back in my life. Things took a very drastic, negative turn for me. To spare the details, I lost my job and my car through not fault of my own. Since then, she's been extremely supportive. She has been helping me out with all sorts of things, giving me rides, helping me find odd jobs, and she recently got me a bike (although a used one). After giving me the bike, she took me to the store, and bought everything that I would need to go with it. All in all, she probably spend $200 on the bike and accessories. This past week, I asked her to take me to the store so I could get groceries, and without asking, she paid for all them and got me some cooking accessories too.
It's getting to the point where I am completely unsure of her intentions. To be clear, I never wanted to break up with her. She has her faults, like all of us, but I didn't mind them. I didn't care that she was allergic to almost every kind of food. I only saw the positive things about her. I still care about her so much. The time that we've spent together recently has only made me more sure of that. I am so thankful for the help she has given me recently, but I want more than her friendship. I need to know what her intentions are, because my heart is vulnerable right now, and not knowing what is going on is making my anxiety crazy. I think my friend is right, that if she wants something she will make her intentions known eventually, but everything that she has done makes me think that is exactly what she is trying to do. I know she's feeling very single, at least that's what one of her good friends told me. Maybe she has some remorse about leaving me? Maybe she is feeling guilty over what happened? I need to know ASAP.
>>717167607 i dont know what these people say, bpd seems to have a bad stigma here. personally in my experience it's not so bad. she's more of like a depressed/suicidal type than like an aggressive manipulative type. i think theres different types like that. the biggest struggle is she never really knows what she wants. i just hope she decides to be with me because i'll treasure her forever. well the good stuff about her is unrelated to her conditions obviously but i havent mentioned any of that stuff. but yeah for me it's not so bad, mostly the splitting (black/white mentality) and lots of suicidal urges
Her choice would make sense given that she never even got to meet her father. She only heard his voice,once, a few days before he died.
Part,of the issue would be bringing him back,into the story. His daughter has taken his place as designated ass kicker and his son has taken his place as ruler of the tree city. And his wife is dead. So maybe his story should just be over.
I still can't decide but seeing as the only actual "decision" is to bring him back. It will likely happen at some point. The tech is effectively,Clarkian magic anyway.
>>717167993 I don't know all the details of your story, but maybe having someone come back from the dead could be possible but there is some drawbacks? Like can't walk, can't talk, something like that.
>after literally a decade of searching meet someone I connect with emotionally and mentally >so this is what its like to not be completely and utterly alone >maybe I can be happy now? >she already has a boyfriend >oh okay >become friends which is nice but not enough >swing between happier than before and more miserable
>realize that a true relationship, at least for me, stems from mutual genuine love and affection for one another, a willingness and eagerness to understand everything about one another and accept those things while having fun with each other >don't know anyone who could love me like that
>>717168143 Yeah I was thinking something like that almost. Maybe him,having lost his,place in the world would be enough handicap. Making him live in his badly burned body would work too. Maybe it doesn't regenerate him.
The tech is basically some,nanobot quantum,reconstruction. Which is not at all a real thing. But. If it does show up, it will only be once, after she completes a long quest to find this artifact that is used once then used up.
Maybe like the ghola from dune, if you know about that. Only other sci fi resurrection incident I can find, at least it in "patrician" sci fi
I'm a guy with BPD. It definitely has a stigma on 4chan. BPD affects women 3 times as often as men. It's not a very well understood condition either. Two people can have yet display very different symptoms.
I also have difficulty knowing what I want when it comes to making everyday sort of choices. I have the depressed symptoms. I have a problem with cutting. I think about suicide every day. I have difficulty controlling my mood. When it comes to relationships, what matters most to me is knowing that my partner is 100% committed. I can't stand women that are fickle, or aren't considerate of my feelings. That's when I start to do the splitting with people.
I don't know your gf, and I don't want to speak for her, because she isn't me. However, I can tell you that the most endearing thing you could probably do for her is to be there for her. Make sure that she knows that even when she isn't feeling mentally well, you still care about her. The greatest thing you can do for her is to reassure her that her mental health is not going to ruin the relationship, and that you are going to care for her no matter how she is feeling.
Maybe you think that I'm full of it, but that's the best advice I can give you. If she's really worth it, you will be able to make it work. I believe that.
> Be me in high school. > Have to do PE to take care of Sports Credit quota necessary for graduation. > Meet someone there named Chris. > Me and Chris both do not enjoy PE, but we struggle through it together. > I make EU crisis jokes considering his Greek heritage, and he exchanges that with some Finnish jokes. > We make it through PE and the next year I figure out we both have a free period together, so we hang out in the library. > We both have the school's library computer lab to ourselves during that period, and we joke around, watch videos, exchanges memes and overall just have a blasting time. > Me and Chris make connection on Steam, and we hang out, chatting for hours over the Steam chat. > I've having the time of life, someone I can finally talk to, and share jokes with, and someone who I can finally get to know. > It's his Senior Year (he's one year above me), and I figure out that he is becoming a writer, while I am heading towards computing science and electrical engineering. > I take some time from robotics to visit him during lunch, and we essentially watch either Netflix or anime that year, while doing the same banter and hanging. > Cut to graduation. > Last day of school, we exchange goodbyes, and he reveals that he is my age, but started school a year earlier. > mfw I could've graduated with my best friend. > We don't talk much after he graduates, and once I start my senior year, I make an effort to catch him on Steam and chat with him to see what's up. > He never comes up, though always appears to be ~30 minutes online before I am. > Check what happened. I'm no longer connected with him, he cut the connection. > I wait for his visits to school during his breaks, wanting to joke with him again, hang out like we did in DC that one day, walking together, just being two comrades surrounded in the war of life around them. I had so much to show him, so many things to tell him, and so many things I wanted to know. > He never returns.
>>717169463 i think, and i hope, that she understands that i'll never leave her. alright a bit of context i guess...
>meet her about seven months ago, we get along well and after a week we're skyping a lot and are close friends >become closer with her than i have ever been with another person, we agree on being best friends >soon after this, she gets back together with her ex and i suddenly dont get to talk with her as much >she tells me one day that when she has a boyfriend she pours a lot of her time and energy into them >come to peace with this, but still struggle with not being as important to her as she is to me (at this point romance hasn't even entered the picture, but in retrospect it may have already been there, i was jealous and didnt want her spending time with others although i knew it was wrong to think) >after another few months they break up in a pretty bad way and she is really close to killing herself >we start spending a lot of time together, partially because i want to make sure she doesn't die, but mostly because even if she's depressed, i love her company >one day put the pieces together and realize that i could be her number one and she could be with me all the time if we went out >ask her about this and she is shocked, sees us as just friends and can't fathom that i want to date her >explain to her that we could be friends or we could date and i would still want to be by her side, and a rejection would in no way result in me leaving or being disappointed >give her time, she seems to feel me out >after three days she accepts and says she wants to be with me >we go out for a few weeks, a few very sexually charged weeks, sexting a lot, exchanging nudes, all that, i even start embracing my inner dom to compliment her ultra-subby nature, realize that i enjoy being a dom >one day i notice something's up with her and a few days later she tells me that she just doesn't feel in love with me anymore, seems to be her splitting >we break up amicably
>>717170600 Pretty good. I'm pretty lonely considering that I have been battling with the realization that everyone I considered a friend was in reality not so, and it was all a mental illusion I kept on myself to keep myself from loneliness.
> However, when it comes down to the worst loneliness, I am my own best friend, and I can just keep myself company, though I am heading off to university next year, so hopefully my dorm mate can be the best friend I've been looking for.
>>717170600 I don't know. I can endure serious isolation, but it's mostly because as a kid I was really odd.
> I would write my own stories and act them out, voice acting the different characters and using toys such as Lego's to make models of battles, using my own eyes as the cameras for the cinematography of the story.
>>717170682 >we break up, she goes quiet for a while >feel nothing for a while, kind of in shock over it ending so suddenly >realize that i'm neglecting her and reconnect, expressing that i still want to be her best friend and to be by her side no matter what >she is really depressed after the breakup, most likely because she feels terrible about the whole thing, tell her that it's okay and that i am grateful that she was honest with me about her feelings and how they've changed >things sort of go back to normal but a bit more awkward >yesterday, she's really suicidal for a while, but i talk to her and try and cheer her up >at the end of the night, she says something that makes me think that maybe, possibly, there's a chance that we could get back together some time in the future >feel an internal struggle >tell her all the time that i'll always be there for her no matter what, if we're dating or just friends or whatever, but know in my heart that i'm not satisfied >feel possessive like i dont want anyone else touching her or being with her >want her to be all mine, forever >dont tell her all this but wonder if it would help >at this point not really sure what to do >couldn't stand it if she started dating or having sex with someone else, but wouldn't be able to leave either, would just have to accept it and move on >don't want to move on >want her to be with me >also dont want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do i swear if she comes back to me im putting a goddamn ring on her so she cant run away. i probably sound like an obsessed lunatic at this point but i dont really care. she's got her flaws, oh, tons of them but i fucking want her. forever.
>>717170899 >Check'd Jesus, sounds like the holidays haven't been too kind to you. But there is hope in the fact that you're moving off to uni soon. It means that you'll essentially get a fresh start. Nobody can judge you based on how you were in the past. All they can go off of is how you are now. Frankly, I couldn't ask for anything better.
>>717170946 Sorry to hear it, anon. I've been better, but I've been worse. Loneliness spreads like a plague this time of year for sure. Hang in there, anon.
>>717171202 Sounds like quite the hobby. Have you ever considered pursuing it as a profession?
>>717172090 Those all sound like ambitious undertakings, but not at all mutually exclusive. In the same way that visual artists study anatomy to perfect their craft, engineering and mathematics too can contribute a surprising amount to cinematography.
>she tells me that she just doesn't feel in love with me anymore, seems to be her splitting
That is not what splitting is. Splitting is when someone has difficulty reconciling good and bad experiences with someone. Either they view someone as wholly good or wholly bad. It's possible that you did something to influence a change in her opinion of you, but I think you would be aware of it if something happened. What's more likely is she started to feel the weight of the relationship, and got scared of her feelings or lack of them.
To me, it sounds like you have a really unhealthy relationship with her. I think she is using you for emotional support. Do not confuse that with romantic intentions. It's going to kill you. It seems like you already have an issue with that. I don't think that she is going to come back to you. As long as she is getting what she needs from you without any real investment on part, she will keep the relationship as it is. I have a gut feeling that she will abandon you as soon as she finds someone else that she wants to date. I don't mean to be harsh, but that's my opinion. I've been where you are all too often. I won't have relationships like that with women anymore, because it only ends up with me getting hurt.
Do what you want, but be careful. I realize that I probably won't convince you otherwise, but don't be surprised when she stabs you right in the heart.
>>717172459 Yeah, that's something I've begun to realize in the past year, that my interests and operations in film, writing, music, computing, programming and engineering can combine and integrate into one massive driven personal intellectual war machine.
Thankfully, going into university next year I know all of this, so I have a distinct idea of what to do going ahead.
>>717172851 That's good to hear! The wonderful thing about uni is that it has a tendency to help you figure out exactly what you want to do with your life, and exactly how you want to go about doing it. These plans are certainly subject to massive change afterward, for many people, but at least, for a while, you've got a plan.
>>717172499 >Too many dubs Not bad at all, anon. I didn't know QOtSA could be so melancholic. I'll be checking them out some more for sure!
>>717174091 Yeah, the whole album is great. I also really love I Sat by the Ocean.
Music is pretty awesome. I wish I could start a band but I'm not too great at guitar, at least not good enough to be original and I don't know anyone who plays any other instruments, so even if I was just a vocalist, it wouldn't work out.
>>717174535 I too wish I could play in a band, but I've simply not got enough time. I can pick up and become passable at most instruments quickly enough, and I can carry a tune vocally, but I'm not good enough in any one field to really be of any use to a band, especially with my time constraints. Talk about jack of all trades, master of none.
>>717174978 Oh god, don't get me started on that phrase. It feels too real for me. I'm intelligent enough that I can pick up most things pretty quickly but I never really have the motivation to master anything. I like to say I'm good enough at everything to know how bad I am at everything.
These are always my fave threads on 4Chan. Ironic considering the tone and subject but I'm a lowly sack of shit so I feel like I fit right in.
All day I've been browsing /b/, literally just passing time until tomorrow when I can get some bud. I hate booze and pills so it's either stoned coping or sober lamenting. Literally have spent all my vacation from work playing vidya, what a way to feel empty.
Sometimes I just wish to not wake up before I go to bed. I've come to accept my own hands won't do it, so I hope for a situation that looks like an accident. Or maybe I'll get sick and just keel over. But at the same time I know if I just opened up a bit more and worked on some things, I wouldn't feel this way anymore.
I know that everyone says this a lot, but damn it I'm going to make progress this year. I've already accepted I'll never find love or comeradery cause of being a brooding sperg, so I just wanna do it for myself.
Not for bitches, not for friends, not because my own family considers me a societal failure. FOR ME GOD DAMN IT. I want to show myself that I can make it here, that I can live.
My drill will pierce the mother fucking heavens, mark my words.
>>717175520 Another problem related to being a jack of all trades is I honestly don't know what I'm really interested in. I've showed interest in every single career field it seems yet nothing really seems to call me. Maybe music, but even then I question my reasoning.
Got her number by a good friend of me. We started texting and after 3 months I realised we have a lot in common. She talked about her problems... She never told them anyone. I was here for her and she was for me. I never had those feelings for a woman before.
We still never met us.
We've planned to meet us at the 07.01 with a good friend (and her boyfriend) of her. Yesterday I told her, that I've more feelings for her then I should have... She didn't replied. After a while she said, she is sorry and she doesn't want to hurt me.
I guess she doesn't want a relationship, not right now.
We gonna meet us a bit later but just we two... But idk what to do now, can you guys help an anon, i don't wanna lose her!
>>717157017 Im about to cry I hope to god this isn't true >>717157158 God damnit these make me so fucking sad I need to reconnect to my dad >>717162200 >>717160364 And try to cut her out of my life... who wants to read 'The text'?
I'm with her right now It's pretty late, she's sound asleep She's my first, but i'm not hers I am truly in love with her But there's a catch. I feel like she's not with me. I don't know what to do Do I keep her, or do I let her go? Either way i'll suffer.
Nevermind I'll just post it >I've had a lot to deal with these past few weeks and I've been trying to take my mind off it by hanging with friends/getting buzzed but I'm super worn out right now, I dont feel like sugar coating anything so Im going to just say it and you probably wont like it but I dont feel like worrying about that shit right now. I honestly dont know if you belong together and I really dont care, but I know if you do end up getting back together I'm definitely gonna lose interest. You seem like a really cool person I want to get to know and all, and I think you're funny and I like making you laugh but I know for a fact if you start dating that guy im 99% sure I'm going to lose that, unintentionally it's just something that'll happen. Do whatever you want. God damnit I dont fucking want sluts, I want her
>>717175617 Your drive is admirable, anon. If I had watched more than the first two episodes of that show I'd shout out another inspirational quote at you, but for now just take this: Don't let your dreams be memes.
>>717175762 Pic related is a venn diagram of the things that are you and the things that are me.
>>717175890 Well then you've some pretty good taste, anon.
>>717176113 Ah, a fresh crop of delicious feels noises. The afterlife gorilla smiles upon you, friend.
>>717176203 I'm no expert on romance, anon, God knows, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think communication would be in both of your best interests. If this is how you feel, you should open up to her about these feelings. I don't know, it just seems like the appropriate thing to do.
> Senior year of HS >meet cute grill >not really attracted > somehow manage to hook up with her > start to fall >things start getting serious > start really falling for her > We end up together > date for over a year or two > happiest I have ever been my entire life > love her more then myself > always been bad at expressing myself cuz depressed > being with me makes her depressed > We go to a party together and everything is great > she ends up cheating on me upstairs >mad > but still in love > she falls for the guy she cheats on me with > can't stop thinking about her > all I can think about is her > been months since it happened still can't do it >lose friends > almost lose job > life is falling apart I miss her B. I had such an amazing thing and I fucked it all up. Fuck I love her so much
>>717176476 You didn't fuck up anything. She did when she cheated. Your love was unconditional (which I believe is true love) but hers wasn't. Time to move on and fix yourself. You can't expect others to fill your void. I learned that the hard way. Can greentext if you want
>>717176476 Once a cheat, always a cheat. She'll cheat on the guy she's with now and then the next guy. Move on /b/ro, you're better off. Just do a better job of not making the person you're with depressed like you are and express yourself better. You probably know how shitty it feels to be depressed, so why would you share that feeling.
>>717176875 I work with a bunch of perverts and feel bad I'm not getting laid, but it motivates me and builds my confidence anyway. Luckily I suffered enough heart breaks that its very easy for me to detach if it wont work and find someone new.
>>717176422 Even if she'll never read it, it's nice to write to her in a place like this. Mind if I join in?
Your open letter: Like a footprint in the snow, cold and permanent.
>>717177036 Both the best and the worst. It's a season of extremes. The endless frozen wastes outside are contrasted and complemented by warm stew and a soft blanket indoors. Neither can exist without the other, and each makes the other all the more real.
>>717177203 There is a reason Man's Best Friend is named as such, for man he is not.
>>717177548 Hey, I'm just glad I could help with what little I have to offer. Good luck to you, Anon.
Does anyone have the story of the big kid that lived with his mother, and one day anon went over to his house and played the PS1 with him while the mom went out for pizza? I remember it really well, but I want to get it saved, because I lost it
I basically use any drugs to get through the day without being a bored useless fuck. It's at the point I need uppers to be awake and downers to go to sleep. I considered travelling the world and trying to find reason in life but I'm too poor and stuck at uni. What do?
Because in the end, it might, or it might not. But if you live a life of fear and doubt throughout that whole relationship it's gonna suck really badly for you.
I lived it. Six years of it. And I regret every moment of thought that I thought she didn't love me because she did. And I was the dumbass that ended it because, more or less, I thought she'd be better off with another guy. I shattered her heart repeatedly, over and over for 3 months, being a dick to her and overly sensitive about fucking everything until I finally broke it off because I didn't know how to talk about it, and the thoughts every day were ripping me apart.
If I had a third chance (second chance is a long, dumb story) with her I'd snap it up in a heartbeat. I'd sell my computer, all my belongings to be with her again. She is my perfect woman and I fucking messed it up, because I doubted her love for me.
Anon, love like it's not going to ever hurt you. I'll say it twice, I'll say it a million times to all of you fuckers. Do not doubt someone else's love for you. Because if you do, you're in for a worse nightmare than being alone.
(Unless she's one of those bitches that tells everyone "oh love you" all the time, fuck that shit, get her out of your life)
Since my early adolescence I have always felt as if I am some sort of android sent to Earth by aliens to gather data about humanity before they make first contact. I am human enough so as not to arouse suspicion yet at the same time odd enough such that I never fit in no matter where I am.
They always told me to be myself, but they were wrong. Being myself always gets me labeled as "weird" or "out of place."
why would you tell a guy whom you >dated for 6 months >had sex with during those 6 months >left to be back with your ex >text him on and off throughout a year how much you miss xy and z with him >tell him that the only chance is a new relationship >talked with him about your relationship with "not ex-bf" and came to the conclusion that said other guy is right in that you're unhappy >text him that the only chance with him is a fresh start >yet you want to work on your relationship all of that?
>>717178861 It's rough, anon. But there are those of us who choose to do more than just survive the winter; we thrive in it. Winter brings cold, loneliness, and despair, but for those of us who can find contentment in that state of being there's a great wisdom to be earned.
Mourn for your brothers who perish for lack of food or warmth in the dead of winter, but remember always that you lived. And that no matter what, spring always comes.
You'll have to pardon the pretense there. You say something vague and my first reaction is to one-up it.
>>717179077 The Paradoxical Commandments - Dr. Kent M. Kieth.
>>717179333 I'm sorry, anon. I wish there was something I could say to make it better. See my hugging owls above for moral support - I can't post the same picture twice.
>>717176476 THIS WILL SOUND EVIL BUT IM TRYING TO HELP if she cheated on you that means she didnt love you. shes not worth your time. just remember that you were a person that didn't need her before you met her. hang in there, you're life is not falling apart
First post sorry if incorrect format >be me >become friends with cute girl >fall for her hard >always talking to her means the whole world to me >my best friend lets call him mark >he literally means the world to me >was always there for me >couldn't meet up after school so would Skype for 6+hours everyday >at least twice a month tells me his father or brother abused him >get sick of it tell out band director >band director very shocked doing everything he can >happy thinking he will finally be safe >stops talking to me >I'm ruined so I talk to crush and she makes me feel so much better >friend eventually realizes why I did it >start talking again not back to how it was though >life's good >not >summer aproaching decide to tell her I like her >day before I do it she texts me >I need to tell you something >heart jumps out of my chest thinking she's going to say she likes me >says she has a crush on one of my good friends > I die >literally feels like heart was ripped out >one day later they start dating >didn't know I could fall this far down >we had talked everyday for about a month notices one day I avoid her >she starts trying to get me to tell her >finally decide to tell her even though she's dating my good friend >write her a page essay she was on vacation and wouldn't be back for a while so u couldn't tell her in person >doesn't want to talk to me tI'll scool starts >summer starts and mark was always there for me >until.... >one day mark gets mad at me >still don't know what I did wrong >stops talking to me >worst place of my life so far >get severely depressed >doctor diagonoses me as depressed >parents do nothing as Indian family and don't belive in mental illness >birthday comes around >not looking forward to it >crush just happens to have same birthday as Me >birthday comes around >crush and mark both talk to me >haven't felt this happy in a long time >next day not a peep fall back into pit
>>717183608 Part 2 >school starts >excited that she will talk to me again >get to school >doesn't talk to me >mark silent as well >was thrown even deeper >school Continues in 5 AP classes really stressed >stay up till 2 doing hw and studying everyday >band practice till 7 everyday >start shitting blood >dad has ulcerative colitis get scared >parents take me to gastrointestinal doctor >one colonscopy later diagnosed with uc as well >fall even deeper >put on steroids and medicine >steroid tire me out along with school and being anemic due to so much blood loss >also find out I have a abnormal heartbeat during colonscopy... >im only 16 fuck man >start being able to juggle everything >still friends with guy crush is dating >find out they broke up >he tried to cheat on her >told her he would hurt her >start talking again >tell her I still have feelings for her >stopped talking to me >feel like I have no one >mark still doesn't talk to me >all other friends slowly started leaving me >"friend" who dated crush starts being more important to everyone then me >everyone literally replaced me with him >friends I sit with at lunch straight up tell me to go away they don't want to sit with me anymore >wow there's still part of me that can brake more >have no one to talk to anymore >one friend but he always plays video games and doesn't like talking about stuff >all of this happened in half a year >don't know where I went wrong >only reason I haven't killed myself because family would be ruined >don't know what to do >please help
I slightly wish some government agency would come and take me away every time I searched for methods of suicide and just dope me up on a bunch of stuff that lets me just NOT FEEL ANYTHING. I always end up reading the same articles and really wanting to get a 100% helium tank but those are far and few between now. I just want to not feel, /b/. I don't want to feel love, happiness, anything anymore.
That dude, Justin, on /b/ the other day had the right idea with the artery but I'm too much of a fucking wuss to do it. I thought about that guy all day today and I will over the course of new year's now that I'm not in a relationship for new year's. Also spending the night at work working overnights new year's eve and day so it doesn't matter if I had a relationship or not, I'm just gonna be selling booze to drunkards anyway.
If I had a way to numb all the pain during the cut I probably would do it but I probably don't have a way to do that without prescriptions.
And I got a new kitten, I can't leave her with my roommate because I know she will just toss her out of the house on the street or give her to some Craigslist crackhead who can't take care of her.
I just keep getting reasons to keep me fucking tethered here and I don't know why.
Pic related, my kitten. This was a few weeks ago, she's a bit bigger now. Her name is Salty. Just walked out into my living room a few days after I got her and just called her that and the name stuck. Sorry for shit quality.
As I finished writing this Salty climbed up on my chair and just put a paw on my shoulder, haha. Then she went to sleep.
>>717184024 We're here for you anon. No matter what, you always got us. You may not know me, I may not know you. But I'm sure we're both always in the feels threads, we're always here for you anon. If you wanna talk or play video games or something my steam is https://steamcommunity.com/id/popedesu
I keep recall the time. Fractals smiling and laughing. Then while no guess to wrongly start beating me. Filth. No regard for child. The hollow eyes keep me awake. 4am Bloody thursdY. I can still smell the bodies.
this is the last conversation i had with my mom before she killed herself i know im an asshole she put me through years of abuse which is WHY i reacted the way i did when she messaged me. She was trying to do better and i was too much of a fucking prick to understand. I miss her man. I wish i wasn't such a fucking dick.
>Family shit goes down >Really, really bad >My world is shattering around me >nobody is to be trusted >Nobody to fall back on >Decide killing myself is the best course of action >at this time I was on the football team, and the coaches heard the rumors of what was going down, and they didn't dare call me into practice >Decide to quit football, then return home to kill myself. >Go to coaches office >expect surprise >Nothing but acceptance and empathy on his face >At that moment I realize I can't quit on him and myself, break down like a little bitch. >comforts me, gives me some time away to settle down. >He never realized he was the reason I didn't kill myself that day
>Senior year >annual lock-in >all seniors come up and tell the underclassmen what it means to be on the team >my turn >tell them my story >tell them I was suicidal (only my closest friends know this) >tell them how coach helped me, tell them how close I was to ending it all >Pain I thought was gone was simply dormant inside me, the same searing pain in my stomach I felt that day returned, and I cried like a bitch in front of the entire team >but I wasn't the only one >players were crying >even the coaches were >one of the most powerful moments of my life >and here I am alive and typing this story for you /b/ros.
Never give up on life, even when it seems hopeless, life can beat the everloving shit out of you, then kick you in the ribs, but please, please never hit the off switch. I know I'm probably speaking to the choir, but it's amazing how the smallest thing can make the biggest difference.
Thanks Coach, you are the reason I'm still breathing today, and I can never repay you for that.
>>717186459 Not going to lie, me and you are the same person. She never went through with it, but she does the same shit, threatens suicide, etc. I'm hateful back. She just got diagnosed with lung cancer. Told her I wouldn't be at her funeral.
>>717189803 She was basically the only family i had. I didn't meet my dad until i was 12 and extended family doesn't really care. as abusive and hateful as she was i still miss her. like she was my mom
>>717189875 More similarities. Mom and dad split up at 7, didn't see dad much, sisters abandoned me when they could, lived in a motel with her for 3 years, just recently got away from her. She kept me from going to school for 4 years, so I'm a 17 year old freshman.
I know I'll regret what I say to her, but I plan on dying before her, so I won't really have any regrets.
>>717190070 what are siblings like? I didn't have any growing up but i wish i did because my mom didnt let me leave the house, so i have no friends. also didn't finish highschool. my mom sent me to live with my dad when i was 4 and i moved out at 16 because he beat me to the point of broken bones. I was homeless for a while before i could find a shelter that would take me (all of the were for adults). couldnt go to school because i couldn't afford transportation.
>>717190070 also why an hero? like as clche as it sounds, you can always start fresh. move out, change your name. Not sure what welfare is like in the US but you could probably go back to school and rent a bedroom in some rich family's house
>>717190945 It's provably asymmetrical, beyond normal standards. I realized it about a year ago, and can't unsee it. It's getting worse. Everyone always play that "everyone's face is asymmetrical" "I didn't even notice it" "you're still good looking" bullshit, but that makes me feel worse.
>>717191148 no i understand that. ugly people can still have happy lives though. Like lizzie velasquez or whatever. Being pretty isn't really great. People are just fake nice to you to get in your pants or get super jealous and spread REAL BAD rumors. Honestly the only perk to being good looking is getting free drinks at a bar, and even then that happens to ugly people. Not that this is gonna change how you feel or anything but just my unnecessary 2 cents
>>717167303 are you me , literally i've fallen for this girl at university with bpd , we've both told eachother we like eachother but we're both going through shit mentally and we've decided not to do anything too much relationship-wise but fuck me i've been home from university for 2 weeks and i've missed the fuck out of her ( i see her most everyday ) i've decided though im not going to waste my time though, i've been fucked over before and im sure we won't work so i've just stopped messaging her, trying not to think about her but you know how it is. Hope it works out for you mate
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