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ITT: Post a superpower, then make the superpower before yours

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 301
Thread images: 19

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ITT: Post a superpower, then make the superpower before yours useless.
>example, invisibility, but you can't be invisible within 100m of another human
Pic unrelated also
>>
>>704828849
Also as OP's superpower
>The ability to see through walls
>>
The ability to talk with fruit
>>
>>704828970
but the fruit never responds
>>
The abity to know who's ass a fart came from
>>
>>704829174
You have to sniff their ass to find out
>>
>>704829174
People still believe it's you
>>
>>704829174
But everyone else think that it was you
>>
The power to make OP not a faggot
>>
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>>704829371
But then....hmm.
>>
>>704829371
You have to become a faggot to prove OP isnt one
>>
>>704829371
Useless cause he an heroed
>>
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>>704828895
You can't control how many things you see through, so everything is always invisible to you.

>>704829371
Everyone still thinks he is.

The power to become a cute anime girl.
>>
>>704829664
>kek
>>
>>704829695
only when no one is watching.
>>
>>704829695
But you are 2 dimensional now and on a single peace ofpaper
>>
You now have the ability to fly
>>
Ability to make your dad not hate you.
>>
>>704830018
but only after he's dead
>>
>>704829958
You become a bee (can't change back)
>>
>>704830058
but only after you're dead
>>
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To end all consciousness, next or afterlife, or further observable understanding in an immediate death, for everyone in the universe.
>>
>>704828849
The ability to revive paul walker, 3 seconds before he dies again
>>
>>704830071
You also become seinfeld>>704830158
>>
You automatically become emotionally unstable but is has to recharge for a month
>>
>>704828849

Being invisible from 100m away would be a pretty good superpower for a soldier.
>>
>>704830158
You can only do this while happy.
>>
You can spawn clones as needed to be in multiple places doing multiple things. The clones are sentient, but not fully autonomous, so they can't betray or rebel. You remain the dominant mind at all times. Intelligence grows for the main mind based on shared experience. For example, main you sits at home playing vidya while clones work multiple jobs getting you rich & take classes making you smart & run errands you don't feel like doing, etc.
>>
>>704828849
>no human around for 100m
>break into closed store in the middle of the night
>no one around
>steal shit
>>
>>704830430
You become mr meeseeks
>>
>>704830345
A few extra doses of antidepressants, sounds reasonable.
>>
You fart gold nuggets
>>
>>704830627
Your rectum gets torn apart by said nuggets
>>
>>704830627
You have the universes most hyper sensitive asshole
>>
>>704830627
You rip your asshole each time.
>>
>>704830705
You cant touch it

Omnipotence
>>
>>704830430
If i could have any superpower, this would be it.
>>
>>704830753
You can only use your knowledge after death
>>
>>704830694
>>704830705
>>704830725
Sheeeeeit
>>
>>704830430
A race of space gypsies will constantly harass and attempt to kill you by following you around in their caravan wherever you go.
>>
>>704830460
Banks, you could be a master hunter in the wilderness sneaking up on animals and killing them. Breaking into cottages during the off season.
>>
Ability to turn niggers into upstanding white men
>>
>>704830430
You're gay.
>>
>>704830430
Doesnt mean the clones will participate, have a mind of their own
>>
>>704830971
But in the process turn upstanding white men into niggers.
>>
>>704830753
I don't think the most sensitive asshole was meant as superpower.

Also: everybody gains omnipotence as well
>>
>>704828849
Self healing like wolverine has
>>
>>704831806
But only when you're buried at least 6 feet underground.
>>
>>704831806
guy above me doesnt have a superpower so for you: only when you're feeling great and are not injured.

always having a good breath.
>>
>>704832017
But you always smell really strongly of sweat.

Super-speed
>>
>>704832506
Dick elogates to 6feet when you run, and it falls out your pants
>>
You have the power to read doctors handwriting
>>
>>704832797
Its always negative news

You can make a 3d diagram of anything you touch in.your mind
>>
The power of flight.
>>
>>704832935
Only while underwater
>>
>>704832916
But the diagram is always of a penis.
invincibility.
>>
Granted post mortem.
You can change the size of anything you want.
>>
>>704833072
Size changes revert back at random , can travel through time
>>
>>704833016
But only in a padded room
>>704833296
But after the travel you go blind until you return.
>>
>>704833476
You can hear people's thoughts
>>
>>704828849
chris kylie could use this
>>
>>704832985
You could become an Olympic swimmer.
>>
>>704833519
And they can hear yours.
>>
>>704833519
But only the dirty ones.
You can engineer technology years ahead of it's time.
>>
Omniscience.
>>
>>704833892
You must suck your father's cock before inventing anything
>>
>>704833892
But it all requires an element we haven't discovered yet to work.
>>
>>704833896
But only in things related to hot dogs.
You are able to alter the mass of yourself and anything you touch.
>>
>>704834156
You can only use it indoors.
>Telekenesis
>>
The ability to bend fire / lightning like in avatar.
>>
>>704830430
get out of here naruto fag
>>
>>704834382
As soon as you begin to bend fire/lightning in becomes room temperature.
The power to absorb/dispense any kind of energy.
>>
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>>704834382
You can only use it when you are on fire or being struck by lightning. No "absorbing" the fire/lightning. You suffer the same consequence as anyone else.

>Ability to stop time whenever, wherever. No harm being done to my aging process and nobody else can do this but me UNLESS I hold their hand. Thus, bringing them along with me.
>>
>>704834723
You cannot move or breath because the air around you is frozen in time.
You are a jedi.
>>
>>704834723
LOL that's fucking hilarious I love it.

You can only do it for 5 seconds at a time
>>
>>704834846
Fuck. Well, good thing I'm an atheltic swimmer. Can hold my breath for roughly 4-5 minutes.

>>704834994
Perfect.
Not too big an issue, just gotta stop time as soon as it starts back up again.
>>
>>704834846
Oh fuck i missed the move part...

Well shit.
>>
>>704834846
But you are also Jar Jar Binks.
>>
The power to maximize the potential of people you touch.
>>
You have perfect shape-shifting abilities, allowing you to alter your size and shape to any living person or creature, including things as small as insects or large as dinosaurs, while retaining your psyche and personality.
>>
>>704835850
But also, you smell like spoiled garbage, no matter how much you bathe or try to mask it.
>>
>>704835952
But every time you shape shift your original form(the one you return to when you stop concentrating or fall asleep) becomes more and more ugly.
>>
You can use voodoo magic.
>>
>>704835850
>you don't exist on the physical level

my ability is to get every material possession for free
>>
>>704830430
But you can only spawn them while being vigorously fucked in the ass. The moment the momentum slows to less than 3 pumps per second, all clones despwan.
>>
>>704829695
When you become a cute anime girl all the neckbeards will rape you
>>
>>704836262
But you get hurt when you hurt others.
>>
>>704836333
But anything created by you will severely burn you to the touch.
>>
>>704836333
But they always materialize up your rectum.
>>
You gain the ability to telepathically cause women to spontaneously orgasm at will.
>>
>>704828849
>pic unrelated
OP you faggot that's chicken man, he's way more powerful than a scrawny ass fagot like you, watch your shit.

also, the power to not have a power
>>
>>704836960
But you have to be masturbating to be able to do so.
>>
>>704836960
they'll still ignore you forever.
>>
>>704836960
But your orgasms will always be 50 times louder.
>>
>>704837150
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHAHAHAHHHHHH

UGGHHH UHHNNN....
>>
The ability to travel around in different dimensions.
>>
>>704837044
Except you gain uncontrollable and random powers whenever you're stressed.

The power to survive in the vacuum of space.
>>
>>704837252
Hot
>>
>>704837254
But each dimension is a more nightmarish version of the one before.
>>
>>704837254
But whenever you do, you appear to the local sentient beings as an abomination.

Ayy Lmao.
>>
The ability to create the perfect ambient background music for any occasion, without the need of a music device.
>>
>>704837287
But only while vacuuming.
>>
The ability to see in the future.
>>
>>704837287
But, of course, you're not an astronaut nor can you afford commercial space flight.
>>
>>704837516
But only when you have an orgasm in front of at least 3 people.
>>
>>704837516
At the cost of being blind
>>
>>704837489
But it only sounds perfect to you. Everyone else hears static.
>>
>>704837614
Still worth it
>>
The ability to breathe zyklon-B
>>
>>704837742
The fuck is Zyklon-B?
>>
>>704837742
The inability to breathe oxygen.
>>
You can change the past but you can't revive people.
>>
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>>704837773
>>
>>704837881
Must I pay you 5 shekels to know?
>>
>>704836333
Stealing nigger
>>
>>704837254
you can never go back to previously visited dimensions, this includes ours
>>
>>704837631
Problem? :^)
>>
>>704830345
Take some MDMA and you're good to go.
>>
>>704837821
You can't form any memories of these changes, so you keep going back to change things you already changed.
>>
You now have a Death Note.
>>
>>704838122
You're totally illiterate.
>>
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>>704837954
Ken
>>
>>704836201
That's not that bad. Shape shift into some model and sleep around. Unless you're looking for love it's not bad.
>>
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Mind Control
>>
>>704834579
But only works on lightning.
>>
>>704836509
>>
>>704838235
Or just date blind chicks.
>>
>>704838313
It only works on fish.
>>
>>704837742
you're jew as well as immortal and have to endure endless torturing by breathing oxygen
>>
>>704838419
so basically Aquaman
>>
>>704838472
Hey, I already said that >>704837800
>>
>>704837516
But the only futures you see are ones where the person you love most dies because of you.
>>
>>704838517
Except without the corresponding ability to breathe underwater or survive the ocean depths.
>>
Ability to seduce anyone's mother
>>
>>704838630
This sounds like some familiar movie...
>>
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>>704838612
hey, I don't give a shit
>>
>>704838326
I said you could absorb/dispense any kind of energy.
>>
You have the ability to fly, controlled and unassisted by any mechanical means, at super-sonic speeds.
>>
>>704838046
The entire world hates you and your existence due to intense static when you're within hearing range. They instantly try to kill you. All living things.
>>
>>704838871
But only when physically touching the ground.
>>
>>704828849
ill just fucking record myself turning invisible then show it to people
>>
>>704838971
Oh wow, you have basic editing skills.
>>
>>704829958
But only on a plane
>>
>>704834579
But you dispense the energy randomly, and only at low output (ie: small static shocks, low spikes of heat no more than a degree or two above normal, etc.)
>>
>>704838930
>>
>>704838792
But you have severe ED and are never able to actually fuck them.
>>
>>704828849
Inb4 sniper at 1000+ meters
>>
>>704830430
Still essentially perfect power. Not deterred by any responses so far.
>>
>>704830430
Each time you spawn a clone, you and your clones age a year. No ability to restore your youth afterwards or extend your longevity.
>>
You can absorb all knowledge from books instantaneously by simply touching them.
>>
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>>704839629
>>
The ability to teleport fifty meters

>the entire process takes one minute
>>
>>704839745
The mental strain of all that knowledge is causing early-onset Alzheimers disease.
>>
The power to be completely ignored at will.
>>
>>704839988
You were being ignored by everyone anyways
>>
>>704839988
Only works on females and once ignored all men become extremely hostile toward you.

Ability to function normally without ever needing sleep.
>>
>>704839745
But you forget the information instantaneously after you touch another book
>>
>>704840142
Still seems like the perfect power for a spy or thief.
>>
>>704828849
"SPOOOOOOOON MAAAAAAAAN "
>>
>>704839932
But you instantly teleport right back.

>entire process takes less than .001 seconds.
>>
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To have the ability to create sustained miniature black holes
>>
>>704839932
Can only teleport when barefoot and you form a pile of broken glass in a ten meter radius wherever you land.

Able to befriend and ride any wild animal you come across.
>>
>>704840228
You need to drink a foreign person's piss every 24 hours to maintain this power

Power to solve crime by reading clouds
>>
>>704828849
you could sneak into buildings and never get caught by cameras tho
>>
>>704840465
but only in outer space
>>
>>704830345
Blow your last 80$ on Coke. Might make you want to keep living though...
>>
>>704840465
The black holes are only created whilst your penis is in your mothers vagina
>>
>>704840545
This might be ok, define "foreign"
>>
Super power? Good luck. It's simple enough. Nothing can hold down Lady Luck :^)
>>
>>704840530
Only animal you can befriend and ride are rats.
>>
>>704840545
But you have extreme agoraphobia and never leave your basement.
>>
>>704840530
But only after eating their feces.
>>
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The ability to fly at mach 5 speeds propelled by a constant stream of shit like pic related
>>
>>704840779
but youre a recovered gambling addict and had your dick amputated
>>
>>704834367
You can only move things within arms reach and you have to physically be able to lift it yourself.
>>
>>704840545
Can only solve small misdemeanor type crimes.
>>
>>704840875
can only eat boiled white rice
>>
>>704830188
god tier power.
>>
>>704830496
+1
>>
>>704840970
Like
>>
The ability to breathe any matter, even solids
>>
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You always roll dubs
>>
>>704840779
Every time something good happens to you something one hundred times worse happens to you in an ironic fashion.
>>
>>704840875
You suffer from ibs and have uncontrollable shits whenever you eat.
>>
The ability to curve bullets like in pic related
>>
>>704840445
>>
>>704841070
But you will never have access to the internet. Also you'll never amount to anything.
>>
>>704841158
They curve like a boomerang returning to point of origin.
>>
>>704840889
>dick was amputated by a machine where I work.
>sue company
>get big money
>>
>>704840775
My bad, foreign meaning a new person every time, since it's technically no longer foreign
>>
You're the best a sucking dick in the world.
>>
>>704841120
>inherit 1 shekel from dead dad
>shekel is fake
>>
>>704841378
You're asexual
>>
>The ability to give yourself cancer
>>
>>704841378
you have no mouth
>i have no mouth and i must suck dick
>>
>>704841442
cancers are carcenomas that fall off by themselves before spreading
>>
>>704841378
All men have been killed off by a viral plague, your powers don't transfer over to ability to eat pussy, remaining women are unimpressed.
>>
>>704841441
Kek. That's a good one
>>
>>704840271
Create a book of all books, then wean gloves.
>>
>>704828970
the fruit ignores you
>>
>ability to get dubs whenever you want
>>
>>704841677
>double the cancer? nice!
>>
>>704841642
Which then leads back to this: >>704839954
>>
>>704841778
Buddhist monk book about body mind and soul added for brain functionality to stay constant.
>>
>>704839629
You've tempered my spawning of the clones, but I'd probably give up 5 years for 5 clones.
>>
>>704841677
>have uncontrollable compulsion to shove a sharpened spoon up your urethra every time you get dubs
>>
How about the ability to cure cancer with a cockslap?
>>
>>704841990
I would only do that if I was positive they would obey me and do exactly what I need/want them to do.
>>
>>704842005
Cock absorbs cancer but can't cure self.
>>
>>704842005
No cock
>>
>>704841990
Your total lifespan is divided equally among yourself and clones (ie: 80 year lifespan divided by 5 clones equals 16 year lifespan for all).
>>
>>704842430
Whoops, sorry, math is wrong... would be 12.5 year lifespan each, since you subtract 1 year for each clone, and the lifespan would be divided among 6 (5 + original)
>>
>>704842430
Correct answer. Not sure I'd even want to cut lifespan in half for 1 clone.

Would've also accepted shared pain. Any accidents or damage to clones effects original. If a clone gets hit by a car & paralyzed or loses a leg, so does original.
>>
You can shoot an infinite amount of food from your hands
>>
>>704843019
But only an infinite amount, constantly.
>>
>>704843019
You can only digest the feces of others.
>>
The ability to bring my dog back to life
>>
>>704843322
deatly allergic
>>
>>704843322
But your dog comes back... wrong.
>>
>>704843513
>>704843433
I don't care what happens anons. I just want to see him alive again
>>
The ability to nullify or otherwise cancel-out other superpowers.
>>
>>704843657
But you can only cancel out your own powers
>>
>>704843322
Everything that comes back to life now will be a strong left wind democrat.
>>
>>704843615
Instantly turns on you and tears your throat out. Turns out, the feeling's not mutual.
>>
>>704843765
sneaky bastard...
>>
You have the power to drink water in Mexico without explosive shits
>>
>>704843831
I'll die with a smile
>>
>>704843943
Unfortunately, you're Mexican.
>>
>>704843997
Already true, anon. Try again
>>
>>704828849
>>704843943
>>704843997
Can't beat that.

Super power - be able to change density and have strength directly related to my density.
>>
>>704844197
Then you've already lost. Sorry, anon.
>>
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The power to freely grope and enter penis in any female between the subjective ages of 18 to 60. Along with this power comes the two natural abilities: to know which have VD and which don't, and the women I touch enjoy the experience.
>>
The ability talk anyone into anything I'd want them to do.
>>
>>704844402
you really want them to live by their own desires
>>
>>704844321
Top-most density achievable is moist sponge.
>>
>>704844387
you only like little girls and seniors
>>
>>704844321
Also changes the density of everything within five feet of you in an equivalent way

You can die as many times as you want and you just come back to life stronger than what killed you 21 hours later
>>
>>704844387
But you only like men
>>
>>704844543
That's a Win Win.
>>
>>704843657
But no one has powers but you.
>>
>>704844387
Immediately following experience with a woman, you transform into a woman yourself until you are similarly penetrated by a random man.
>>
Mind control
>>
>>704844739
Also, your female form looks just as masculine as your regular male form.
>>
>>704844643
you always come back as an infant
>>
>>704844929
and dont remember anythin
>>
>>704828849
Invisability is already the worst superpower, as it would cause blindness
>>
>>704844643
Each death and subsequent rebirth feels like all previous deaths combined.
>>
>>704844929
World's strongest/smartest baby.
>>
>>704844739
Good one anon, but that's what rape is for ;)
>>
>>704844845
Can only control your own mind
>>
>>704844845
But only of quadriplegics.
>>
the ability to sustain life by eating anything (everything you can eat is good for you)
>>
>>704844845
But you're mentally retarded
>>
>>704844402
You can only talk to children with terminal cancer.

>>704845366
lol

>Can grow a full beard
>>
>>704845533
Everything tastes like literal shit, and you never get used to the taste.
>>
>>704845533
except for normal food
>>
>>704845113
no arms or legs
>>
>>704845533
You can only eat animal penis and will forever be known to the world as that gay dick-eating wierdo.
>>
Ability to do any crime and get away with it
>>
>>704845587
Shit, you could talk a terminal kid into robbing stores and banks for you, and who's gonna stop 'em? Everyone would think it was an elaborate "Make a Wish" thing...
>>
>>704845785
But you always feel an immense amount of guilt and turn yourself in
>>
>>704845811
addendum:
late-stage terminal cancer (can't walk, stand, few days to live, etc.)
>>
>>704829107
The fruit sounds like the annoying orange.

The ability to procrastinate work til the last minute and still complete it on time and with good quality.
>>
>>704845785
only gets away with j walking
>>
>>704845785
Devoutly religious and would feel suicidally guilty even stealing a stick of gum from a gas station.
>>
>>704845933
so be in high school
>>
>>704845933
You work as an orderly at a hospice.
>>
ability to use penis as a third leg and walk with it
>>
>>704845933
But you never turn the work in

Ability to take any sized object up the ass with comfort
>>
>>704845930
Doesn't take much for a dying kid to talk their bereaved parents or caregivers into pulling off one last crime for them.
>>
>>704846201
You can only use this ability over broken glass and hot coal.
>>
>>704828849
You know this example of a stupid super power has always been very dumb. First odd most perverts see as useless because they want to basically rape girls or watch them undress fucken losers. Now let's explain why this super power is amazing so we can stop using this as an example. If you are invisible as long as no human is around it means you can sneak into places that only watched by cameras. Some stupid banks, sneak into private areas, or distract humans away so you can sneak in to do whatever. So this example power is awesome you stupid fucks just don't know how to use it
>>
>>704846241
poops always feel too uncomfortable
>>
>>704846241
Only work you can get is drug-mule, entire kilo of poorly-packaged cocaine bursts inside your colon.
>>
>>704846201
Only two inches long so you can only walk at an uncomfortable angle

Ability to float in any liquid
>>
not be a virgin
>>
>>704846459
Turns liquids into semen
>>
>>704846459
always super fucking hot apple and tomato juice
>>
>>704846502
only fuck really old dead sheep
>>
>>704846359
Except light bends around your optic nerves, rendering them useless, as anon pointed out earlier here: >>704845052
>>
>>704846502
Very painfully raped on a crudely shingled roof in the middle of summer on the equator and left to sit for 12 hours afterwards

Ability to solve any problem in an instant
>>
>>704830285
Kek
>>
>>704846784
Inability to find love in your lifetime. :(
>>
>>704835850
But you can only do it with Kuririn or Gohan.
>>
>>704846784
This power is activated by an incantation: the solution to the problem in question.

Ability to live a good life.
>>
>>704846883
except you die when you find it
>>
>>704846956
Only live to be 5 years old.
>>
>>704846991
guess that solves that problem... no, wait...
>>
>>704830914
Kek
>>
Ability to always make the right choice.
>>
>>704840530
>Can only teleport when barefoot and you form a pile of broken glass in a ten meter radius wherever you land.

simply hold a pair of shoes while teleporting and put them on when the glass appears
>>
>>704847563
...for someone else. But they never listen to you because your own life is fucked.
>>
>>704847563
but always at the wrong moment

ability to stop time at will
>>
being inmortal
>>
>>704847901
... You can't move either.

>godlike ability to influence others
>>
>>704847901
Will is the name of a factory in Arkansas that harvests 20 tons of cow feces a day for energy.
>>
>>704848082
Stuck in the desert with no one around to influence.
>>
>>704848002
but your retarded
>>
>>704848002
As a statue in a park
>>
>>704837881
kek'd
>>
I can strech myself like that guy from fantastic 4
Thread posts: 301
Thread images: 19



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