Have major feelings for girl. Girl and I used to date. Now she's with another guy but she says she still has feelings for me. I'm going into Air Force. She says that I'll be gone too long for us to ever be more than friends. Only girl I've ever loved. Shit hurts.
Anyone here just hate themselves ? I litterally 0 self esteem. Honestly my parents still have hope for me but damn am i sure gonna let them down by being a fucking loser. Im thinking about when i move out i might just off myself. Idk i just hear this voice in my head telling me everything that is wrong with me. Like i look in the mirror and i dont see a good qualities i see everything eveyone wants to avoid. I just want off this wild ride now.
>>704775775 Same here. But my parents don't have hope anymore or rather my father doesn't. My mother is mentally ill, crazy and I lost touch with her years ago. I am emotionally instable as fuck and suffering from depression as well.
I don't even want to drop this here because my English is crappy too what makes me a bigger idiot than I already am.
>>704778211 I don't know. Searched my whole life for answers. Now I believe that there are no fucking answers. It just happened, all this shit within my life and my head. It's not even destiny. It is. That's it.
>be me >always had really bad depression >sitting alone one day like usual >girl walks up to me, ask me if I'm ok >talk for a while >we become friends >depression goes away >develop major crush on her >plan to ask her out on Dec. 31st >two hours before my deadline >her friend texts me Anon you're friends with (femanon) right? >yes Well, you aren't going to like this... >sends me over 50 screenshots of femanon bashing me >not even "Ha ha, he's a loser" >full-on hatred, bitching about how I ruined her life >utter rage and sadness >most depressed I've ever been >say thank you for telling me >lie down and contemplate suicide for three days There's more, but not really feels-y. Actually kind of funny.
>>704775775 kind of feeling the same, father died when I was born, and now my mother is divorcing my abusive step-dad of 8 years (I'm 18) after he blamed for us being poor and calling me a stupid piece of shit and stuff. also recently got in a car crash (just when things were looking better) and am now in insane debt. I've never had any friends that have willingly wanted to hang out with me and I'm too socially awkward to talk to girls and paranoid that I'll never be good enough for a girl... so yeah I'm not feeling too great either, but I guess you just gotta push all that pain deep down and forget about it since people will call you a pussy if you kill yourself. life's a bitch, eh?
Me two years ago have great life with gf and lots of friends. Move away because of work gf cheats on me with my best friend contemplating the good ol one two bullet to the head because nothing makes me laugh or smile anymore I just live hating my life
Slowly coming to terms that people do not like me or want me to be around unless I come in useful. Honestly, that's what I do with my life. I let my work show that I'm worth being around. Probably one of the reasons why I'm doing a startup on my own. Might be why I have some friends. I probably make them look good and feel better.
Not only that, I'm coming to terms that I won't find a girl that I can actually trust to be with. Given, I've never been in a relationship but it doesn't help with what I've seen and how people have looked at me growing up and worse in college. College has really shown me how cruel people are and how unforgiving they can be. Also, the dating scene is horrendous with the simple rules being: 1) be attractive and 2) don't be unattractive. Translated to have everything and you're fine if not you're a creep and loser.
I will say that it has made me into a better person. I'm more patient and understanding than the majority of people I know. Even if I do get hurt, I don't bother getting angry anymore or strike back. It's really coming back down to that I don't understand people.
>>704783732 Snap out of that fucking mindset bro. Same thing has happened to me, time heals everything. And I promise you, you will look back on this period in a few months and be so fuckin happy that you pushed through. Your life is gonna be amazing man, you just gotta look forward to the good times
>>704781360 It's better to have loved, it might not feel like it many times, but the sheer emptiness of feeling nothing is the worst in my opinion. Although, I do remembering wanting to feel nothing again right after some heart breaking happened. It's a tough one.
>>704781754 >>704782180 You underestimate me. >after contemplating suicide I feel motivated >anger is the steam that turns the turbine of my strength >go to gym every day, work out >go up to her friend (she's a lot hotter than other girl was) and ask her out >she said yes, self esteem bursts through the roof >lose virginity, feelsgoodman.jpg >get a part-time job as a mechanic >able to get awesome gifts for new gf >graduate from High School with all As >bitch sees us every day, visibly jealous >meanwhile gf is glorifying me to her >saying I'm the best boyfriend ever >drive gf up to Lake Tahoe for a week, stay in small cabin >while there I get a call >contact is labeled "Fuck Off" >pick up the phone Heyyyyy anon, it's me! >wtf.ogg Do you remember when we were friends? >been planning this for several months >pull out speakers, plug in shitty 4th gen Ipod and start playing a special song >Look >If you had >One shot >Or one opportunity >To seize everything you ever wanted >In one moment >Would you capture it >Or just let it slip? >she hangs up >mfw I will forever torment her with the knowledge that she almost had it all.
>>704784584 This is what I like to see >anon gets screwed over by femanon >instead of offing himself, turns it into rage >bangs femanon's friend >friend makes other bitch jealous af >run destruction.exe on femanon
>>704784584 well if this is true then I'm very proud of you anon. No sappy shit but even just reading that gives me motivation... not that I'm going to do anything about it it's just nice to know that some people still have it good <3
Listening to the music now, OP. Thanks. Got me thinkin'; its got me feelin'.
I'm in between jobs right now. I'm awaiting to hear back about my bar results, but its hard finding a job. Running out of money. I'm just tired. Being a lawyer is stressful.
I just miss being a kid. Having no cares. Where fall meant that you would see your friends every day again after a long summer apart. The weather was cooling down and christmas was a couple months away. New beginnings. Leaves would crunch under your bike tire as you rode down the sidewalk, the laughs and yells of your friends filling the air.
>>704785609 Personally I try to go it without drugs. Raised straight edge by constant reminders of how badly it fucks you up. Not how I force others to be, just how I am. Not tempted to do that stuff but I get how you feel, in those scenarios it feels like there's nothing you can do to relieve your pain. And I personally think all you can do is try to alleviate your pain in other healthier ways. Again, just my opinion not what you have to do.
>>704786418 There are a few things to do, none of which (of the healthy ones) will be instantaneous, but will ultimately be much more effective. You could see a counselor if you think the reasons are psychological, you could get antidepressants if you think it's chemical or you could go the less complicated way and go out of your comfort zone to do whatever will help I.e. excersise or meeting new people or taking initiative to make a big change in lifestyle.
>>704785618 To continue off this, I'm sitting on the porch, listening to the crickets. Im thinking of the times I came back to the suburbs during college and drove around, getting ready to drink. Party. General mischief. Now I'm sitting here doing nothing. Those people are long gone. Those times are long gone. Where does time go?
Where did the best friend go? The one who laughed and said he would be there for you.
Where did the woman who loved you go? The one who said she would be there forever.
>>704787193 For some it doesn't happen. I get why you're down but you don't have it as bad as some. Alternatively, in my opinion things like that fade quick leaving painful scarring, so I absolutely get what you mean.
>>704787604 >For some it doesn't happen. I get why you're down but you don't have it as bad as some. I understand. It doesn't stop me from feeling. Being a lawyer sucks. Being young and carefree was bliss.
>Alternatively, in my opinion things like that fade quick leaving painful scarring, so I absolutely get what you mean.
>>704787642 nice pic anon i love that time when the autumn hit or early spring the when the night hit after a small rain the empty streets or the night walks in general or when i get home from night shift its 5:30-6:00 my favorite time so quiet so few people the air smell different so fucking good
>>704789152 >i love that time when the autumn hit or early spring >the when the night hit after a small rain the empty streets >or the night walks in general or when i get home from night shift its 5:30-6:00 >my favorite time so quiet so few people the air smell different so fucking goo I loved that too. Life was so comfy in Fall with my gf. She left and now it's the worst of times.
>be me >confess my feelings for this girl >claims she's aromantic >crushed but continue to talk as friends >we connect at every level and have a lot of common interests >be today >she's texting me how she likes this guy but is too shy to try and talk to him >encourage her to go for it >they're supposed to skype later tonight So this is what it feels like to want to die.
>>704789713 Ditch her. She's obviously not into you, and it will suck to hear that but it's the truth. Being just the friend won't help. I did it, I always regretted it. I did it for years. Do what I didn't.
>tfw you find the one >tfw she's the cutest thing in the goddamn world >tfw she actually laughs at your jokes and enjoys talking with you >tfw you can't stop thinking about her >tfw you keep imagining spending your whole life with her >tfw there's a small ray of hope, indicating that she may feel the same >tfw you walk down the hall and see her kissing her boyfriend >tfw you ask yourself why you keep thinking that could ever be you
>be 19 >blonde >small hands and feet >virgin >never been with or kissed anyone >suffer from social anxiety >dad left when I was 8 >live with drunk mom >get welfare >was working as waitress but got fired >live in the ghetto >can't even go out without getting harassed >feel so helpless >can't look anyone in the eyes >really shy in public >Just want friends >I feel alienated >use video games as an escape >reality is so shit >suffer from severe depression >I hate feeling so alone >hug my pillow at night >day dream a lot >Just wish I would die in my sleep
ugh im such a failure...all I want is a single friend in this fucked up world.. :/
reason I use steam is because whenever i give out skype people pretend to be nice to me and then flash me and ask for dirty things :x
Well. My best and only friend moved away. We did everything together. We never drifted apart or fought once. They just called me and said "Good bye anon. I'm moving a few cities away." I know we can Skype and all but I'm really sad
After 2 years of trying to fix a 7 year relationship, I realized that I fell out of love with a decent woman. (Obv.. there were probs. Hence fix.)
Now living out of a one room (Okay, one room plus bathroom) apartment with no furniture, (I miss sleeping in a bed) and barely making ends meet due to college loans from 2010 that take close to 15% of my income.
Bright side? Chick I've known for a while started showing an interest. (Or rather I noticed it finally) Got to talking and she says her and her boyfriend recently split and she wants to live on her own for a while.. but maybe start with a few dates.
Fine by me. I prefer the slow and steady.
Oh wait.. nevermind. Her ex threw her out later that day. She is moving back to her parents a state away.
Throughout the course of a day I hate here intensely then I miss her with the same veracity. It's so damn tiring and confusing. Can barley get from one moment to the next. And somehow I get the feeling that it isn't effecting her at all.
I've been through the rough all my life. Shit just doesn't make any sense sometimes, but you must, and I mean make FUCKING SURE, that you take care of yourself first.
You MUST be ok with yourself before anything else can happen. I, or anyone, don't have any specific prescription on how you model yourself, but whatever you honestly think makes you better, then do it.
Because, really, it all comes back to you. You, and your self worth, self value. As the saying goes, it all rolls down hill. If you can't like yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to. Therefore, that is your goal, right now, to make improvements.
>have feelings for grill >talk a lot and get pretty close compared to most >she comes over one night >Sexy time >we stop talking after a little while >3months later >talking a lot again >go on date tonight >talks about how the last guy she slept with >talks about how he could even make her legs shake >detach myself from the whole rest of the date >go on /b/ >post this Have I really become this beta guys? I tried so hard to not feel this way for her or anyone for a while. Howd it happen so quickly again I hope yall are having a good night though.
For the last 15 months I've been in love. For the first year we were together, but he lied and betrayed my trust so many times. We're trying again but im having a hard time trusting him and coping with it. Everything is going to hell and I really need him but all I can think about his him lying right to my face. He says he loves me and I'm the only girl he's ever loved, I have been with him the longest now out of all his exes. It just kills me knowing he can be looking me dead in the eyes and still lie and not be phased. He said stiff was different and it took him losing me to realize that he cares about me more and he'll never do it again. But god damn it, it hurts. I never lied or did anything wrong.
Some of you will recognise my story from before. OP is back /b/ros. I have updates, mostly good ones too. Here goes >be me >13 >7th grade >haven't hit puberty yet >constantly picked on/ beaten up for it >chads at my school make fun of me for not having hair on my balls yet >humiliate me publicly by beating me to the floor in the boys locker room, drag me outside and pull my pants down >basically constantly humiliated in front of girls >hate myself, want to an hero >one day after being beaten to shit on the way home from school, I felt a presence help me back up >heard the sweetest voice i've ever heard ask "are you ok? do you want me to get you some bandages or something?" >open my one good eye (one was kinda swollen shut I remember) >just kinda smiled and said yes >prettiest thing I'd ever seen >forrest seeing jenny for the first time is a good analogy >she held my hand and walked with me to her house >first time someone who wasn't in my family showed me affection or compassion >I fell for her right then and there >she took me inside to her living room couch and sat me down >brought me some ice, band aids and a glass of lemonade >just kinda laid back while she iced my face >that was some warm ice >end up just watching TV together while she tried to get me to open up and talk to her >eventually broke down >close to tears, just tell her everything >tell her I hate myself, I don't know why people are like that to me, never did anything but be nice to them >she just hugs me
>>704795416 >after a minute she whispered "well I like you, you're nice and I think you're cute" >adrenaline.gif >what the fuck >I was cute >a girl liked me >watched TV until 8 or 9 >she fell asleep on my shoulder >didn't want it to end >eventually her dad came home from some dinner thing he went to >wasn’t mad or anything that I was there >I think he pitied me >got home at 9:15 or something >parents were pissed at first, but they saw that I got beat to hell again and let it go >start going over to her house everyday after school >become closer as the year goes on >her family eventually gets to know me and adores me >almost like part of her family, over there so much >gets to the point where we are inseparable >chads begin picking on her too because she's seen with me a lot >she doesn't seem to care but I feel terrible because of it >slowly cut off contact because I hate seeing her get picked on >She catches on and tells me she doesn't care and to stop >cave in immediately >sometimes when I had a really bad day I would sneak over to her house at night and cuddle with her >thought her dad caught me sneaking over one night, turns out his family knew a lot more about what was going on at school than I thought >her dad kinda knew already, totally fine with it >tells me I'm always welcome there
>>704795483 >says just ask if I need something >cuddle her to bed a lot more >feelsgoodman >life went on like this for a while >summer came and things got better >did everything together that summer >got invited on a road trip with her family to the grand canyon >a lot of the trip was her sleeping on my chest or me sleeping with my head in her lap in the back of a suburban >when we got to grand canyon national park we spent 5 hours feeding peanut butter crackers to chipmunks with her brother >walked around some trail with some BS special significance to see the sunset >it was special to me for a different reason >held her hand >basically just walked around smiling like a tard >trying to go somewhere with no people >got to this half ledge thing and sat down >kinda stared off for a while, very scenic to be honest >then she leaned over on me and whispered >"you know anon, I love you, really" >kinda froze for a sec >I don't know why, looking back on it, but I wasn't sure what to say >she seemed to get kinda nervous >"do you love me back, anon?" >looked at her and told her that I loved her since the day she put ice on me when I got beat up >stared awkwardly at her for a good 60 seconds before I finally worked up the balls to go in for a kiss >I wasn't very good, but she was >fucking perfect
>>704795186 Aint that the truth, then texts me saying if i'm okay because I said I have to deal with some shit. >ma boy is drunk and had to have a heart to heart. >>704795234 The battle of the feels She is the only one that has evoked any feelings in the past half a year or so I think if I alienate her i'll be doing good again
>>704795584 >we sat there for a long time after the sun set >I just held her in my skinny arms >kissed her a few more times >we forgot to go back 5 minutes after sunset like we said >her dad came looking for us but was relieved to see we were just sitting there, not dead or stuck >kids had their own tents that trip so I got to cuddle her to bed too >rest of the trip was a haze, don't remember the trip much, but I remember her on the trip >the rest of the summer was magic to me >I loved her as much as a 13 (and 14 later) year old could love someone else >people picked on me less during 8th grade year >didn't pick on her at all, just tried to steal her away from me >so many guys liked her, didn't understand why she would want me >to be fair, I didn't either >Towards the end of 8th grade year, we figured out that we probably wouldn't be going to the same highschool >didn't care too much, saw her every day for 5 hours afterschool anyway >but we promised each other we would be each others homecoming dates and prom dates and everything >but as highschool went on we naturally drifted apart without realizing >still close, but couldn't always see each other, busy with school stuff >she played volleyball and was a cheerleader, which took up lots of time >eventually, some guy was always around when I came over >she always insisted it was just a friend, at the time, i'm sure it was >summer after sophomore year she asks if I'd be ok with her going on a date with some guy >says it doesn't change anything between us >IGuessSo.jpg >obviously, it gets more serious, she eventually becomes his girlfriend >at this point my balls have dropped, I'm rapidly gaining weight and height >agressive as fuck, nobody in their right mind dares touch me
>>704796672 >yet I can't say no or even be assertive with her >just kinda watch as that guy starts to control her more >he eventually gets her to block normal contact with me >I came over to her house when he wasn't around to ask her a few things >she seemed almost surprised that I was there, like I wasn't supposed to show up >she tells me it's no big deal and she just wants to date around, that it wont change anything between us >point out we hardly see each other anymore >she says it's "because she's busy with school and sports" >I know it can't be volleyball she's going to on sundays >tell her the guy she's dating is a bad person controlling >just makes her mad, she yells at me >start to break down >tell her I love her and I don't know what I did wrong but I just want things to go back to the way they were >she says she'll always love me >hugs me >says she's gotta go but we will talk again soon >I wish that had been true >we never talked again for a year >I start becoming very angry, start blasting steroids, constantly eating and working out >I've become the freak I always wished I was so I wouldn't get picked on, but I don't care just want her back >Everyone at school is afraid of me now >I have no friends now because I'm 6'4, 215 lbs at low body fat and rage at almost nothing. total dick for little/no reason >complete asshole to everyone except little guys that get picked on by chad >got suspended for fighting 4 or 5 times before I start to calm down a little >life is still generally the same though >angry about that fuck who stole her away >towards the end of the year I start hearing about some girl who got in huge trouble because a bunch of nudes and shit of her were leaked and circulating
>>704796716 >Eventually it was cleared because she didn't consent and was apparently sexually assaulted by the guy who took the nudes or videos or whatever >that's what got my attention, hoping it wasn't her, but deep down it sounded like the exact thing her asshole "boyfriend" would do >of course, it was her >I was actually pretty calm the whole day at school I heard the news >but I was gonna fuck that guy up beyond recognition >I knew he was a huge stoner and druggie in general so I consulted the kid who I bought my roids from >he was also a stoner and knew all the other stoners >he knows his friend and him pretty well >get the kid to get his address from his friend >it's fucking going on now >showed up the friday night of that week at his house >pretty big party going on >perfect, nobody will call the cops and I can walk in without raising any eyebrows >he's in his backyard with some other girl >I'm sure they were about to fuck or something >swing at him before he even sees me >KO'd on the second punch >sit on him and beat his face in >That night I felt better, but the next day I knew I may have ruined things with her >I guess she was relieved I gave him a free facelift because of what she told me next time we talked >3 weeks later she showed up at my house at night bawling her eyes out >mad at her but of course I can't say no to the only thing i've ever loved >let her in >we sit on the couch and she dumps all her feels >says she's sorry she left me for him >I was right, he was terrible to her
>>704796768 >apparently he hit her a lot and raped her >constantly cheated >made the school think she was a complete whore >she told me she still loved me and just wanted to go back to the old days >fell asleep on my couch >I slept upstairs, I was pretty upset to think she fucked me over like that and now wants me back >I came down the next morning and she was still there >I figured I should at least communicate with her exactly how I felt, regardless of how things were gonna end up >sat down and told her we needed to talk >was honest about everything and told her she really fucked me up when she left me for that guy >of course she was apologizing profusely the whole time >She gave me that look, like at the grand canyon >"anon, do you still love me?" >fucking melted right then and there >since then I've been talking to her again regularly, she always wants to see me >i'm kinda torn though >I still love her >more than anything >but she gave her virginity to the other guy >something about it just doesn't seem right >something that was flowing freely before is dried up now >the next night she came through my bedroom window at 1am or something >Freaked me the fuck out >Was about to lunge for my shotgun >but then I heard a sniffle >knew it was her immediately >"sorry anon, I just needed to come see you"
>>704796803 >she kept telling me she was sorry and she loved me >crying hysterically the whole time of course >eventually just told her to calm down, grabbed her and pulled her over to me >cuddled to sleep >felt so nice >she pressed her face into my chest like she used to >wake up at about 7 >have to wake her up and walk her home so my parents don't come in and freak out for obvious reasons >She knows how to fucking melt my heart >Obviously, I still over her. A lot >I'd gladly sweep her off of her feet and steal her away, but I have just one reservation >Could she do this again? I know it's not likely but I don't even wanna take a chance >I won't be able to do this again unless I know she's 100% committed >decide to drive with her to a mountain ridge that overlooks the city >just told her I wanted to see her again (even though I had seen her the day before) >figure I’ll just tell her exactly how I feel and why I’m hesitant to get back with her >quietly left my house, drove over to pick her up >got to her house, snuck around back to go to her room >familiar hand on my shoulder >her dad stopped me again >tell me he knows about all of it, appreciates me beating the shit out of that guy >tells me she’s up all night crying about me most nights >she’s still a complete wreck from that guy >he really beat her bad twice towards the end of their relationship >her dad was trying to track him down but apparently I beat him to it >tells me she needs me more than anything, and he’s glad i’m still trying after what happened >ask him why she left me >he says he has no clue
>>704796880 >go inside, to her room >just kinda brushed her hair off of her face to wake her up >she just smiled and got up >hold her hand and walk out to the car >I kinda keep the subject on unrelated things on the drive up >want to save it for when we’re sitting up there >only thing I really remember about the drive up was almost hitting a massive bull elk >sit down on a rock wrapped up in a big blanket together >Feels really good >you have no idea >feeling her warmth, cuddled up against me, looking down at the city >”why do you still love me anon?” >tell her because every little thing she does makes me happy >ever since that day in middle school I just feel like she’s the greatest part of my life >ask why she left me for that other guy, and tell her it’s the only thing holding me back >can’t understand why she would do that >she says (holding back tears and sniffling, gets really emotional now) that she doesn’t have a real answer >she was just acting on physical attraction and his chad personality took easy advantage of her dumb teenage self >not some magic fix-all answer I was hoping for >but she also told me I did nothing wrong and she was sorry for everything >made me feel better >since /b/ put it into perspective and I gave it some thought, I realize how childish the whole virginity thing is on my part >I love her and that's all that matters really >figure I should just 'make sweet, sweet love to her with my chad body' -quote from some anon last thread >not gonna be like that guy, obviously
>>704796925 >wait until she's comfortable again >started to get windy so I took her home for the night >fell asleep on the ride back, so I carried her to bed >she woke up halfway once we got inside >laid her down on her bed, kissed her on the forehead >start to walk away, and hear "please stay with me" >can't resist for a single second >nothing happened that night, we were both tired, out right away >wake up next morning >about 10 >make pancakes in the kitchen, which we used to do a lot after school >screw around and play fight with all of the ingredients, make a huge mess >eat and then clean it up >"you should probably shower, I definitely beat you" >make some joke about how she cheap shotted me, tell her I have no clean clothes >"I'm sure I can figure it out, let me show you how to work it and where the shampoo is" >I was actually too retarded to catch onto that cue >"I can wash your clothes" >give her my shirt and shorts >she tossed them outside and just stared at my SuperChad physique for a sec >not gonna lie that made me feel satisfied in a cocky way >looked up at me and smiled >I kissed her >took her shirt off >primal instincts and excessive testosterone/DHT levels take over >carried her to her bedroom and tore the rest of her clothes off like an animal >I did stop for a moment to just look at her bare body >I was extremely horny and wanted to absolutely go to town on her, but it was balanced by me being afraid of hurting her or being too rough >ended up making love to her for almost 2 hours
>>704797006 >totally exhausted afterwards, fell asleep with her on top of me in my arms >woke up a little while later and went out to lunch >Took her back home and made love to her on the couch in her living room >watched TV on the couch together until her dad came home >he was really happy to see us >I had to go home for a while, but he asked me to come back for dinner >Ate pot roast with the stupidest grins on out faces, a few other people came by for dinner >her dad says pretty much out of nowhere "I really appreciate you and like you, anon, I hope you become part of my family" >I felt at home for the first time in a while >that night she asked me to sleep with her again >I was totally depleted after that day, so we pretty much just cuddled >talked about what we want to do in life >Talked about our dream house, dream job and what the perfect wedding would be like >tells me every secret she’s ever kept >says she doesn’t want anything between us >asks if I have any secrets or stuff I wanna get off my chest but haven’t told anyone >tell her I used steroids, but make clear it was light cycles at minimum doses >tell her how badly I wanted to tear into her like a fucking animal, but was afraid I’d hurt her >tell her I was afraid I wasn’t doing a good job >she laughed and said I was more than plenty and was glad I was gentle >says she doesn’t care about the roads, just wants me to stay healthy >fell asleep on me like usual >I was so blissfully happy that night >fast forward ~two weeks >she'd been acting increasingly remorseful for leaving me >if I ever brought up that I was worried about trusting her or I was scared she would get anxious and nervous for the rest of the day >constantly trying to prove she was 100% loyal >one night she literally broke down crying on my chest and told me how sorry she was and that she loves me >told me that if I want to have another girl then she understands and is fine with that
>>704797109 >I calmed her down, obviously, and told her she's all I need, I just am afraid of losing her because I did once and it hurt >tell her I'll never leave her and I don't want any other >seemed to make her feel a lot better >about two weeks after that incident >my cousin and her aunt were coming to stay at my house >cousin flew in night before aunt >I had to pick her up at the airport >hadn't seen her in a while, she looked like a woman now >nothing like her but she was attractive >got her bags and went to my house >all I did was help her carry bags in and get settled in >but I didn't tell her my cousin was staying >she thought I was mad and wanted a second girl >ran home before I noticed she was there >call her because I was expecting her to come over about this time >no answer >wtf >head over to her house >get to her house, walk in >her dad isn't home >call out for her >no response >walk into her room >the light is on in her bathroom, door closed >I can hear muffled sobbing >knock on the door frantically >yell her name
>>704797161 >after a few seconds I hear her faintly say "I'm so sorry anon. You deserve her, not me." >ask her what she's talking about >just more sobbing >pretty freaked out >kick in the door >she's in the bathtub >the water is bright red >flipped the fuck out because I thought she had/was trying to kill herself >grabbed her out of the tub and ran into the kitchen >set her on the table, trying to find where all the bleeding was from >she just had a few shallow cuts on her wrist and thigh >wrap it in some gauze I found under the sink >calm down a little and realize she's probably not dying or even close >ask her why she did this >ask if her old boyfriend did something to her >she says she couldn't bear to see me with another girl >ask her what she's talking about >don't remember exactly what she said, but at this moment I realized she thought my cousin was a girl I was seeing >explain that she's my cousin >explain the situation with the airport >she believes me after I explain >carry her to her bedroom >set her down on the bed >drain the bathtub >help her get dressed >broke down because I was so scared just then >yelled at her >told her she can't do this to me, I already lost her once and I can't bare to not have her >the yell eventually reduces to almost soft enough to be a whisper >tell her I trust her now and I know she would never leave me again >don't want another girl >I'm just terrified she'll love someone else someday
>>704797198 >she reassures me that will never happen >tell her to forget about that guy and leaving me, it's in the past >I need her now >eventually reduces to just some sappy "I love you more, babe" shit that would make most of you cringe >I realized then that the guy she had been with probably fucked her up mentally too, to a good degree >our relationship has been a lot more stable since >no more than a few nights after that, she asks if I'll ever marry her >hadn't thought about that until then, but the thought of it made me pretty happy >"Sorry, that's probably really pressuring. I didn't mean it like that" >tell her to shush, and say of course I'm gonna marry her >her face lit up >didn't even make love to her that night >just kinda laid there and felt each others warmth >slept really, really well that night for some reason >next morning she asked where I wanted to get married >brought up the grand canyon >told her I didn't want to decide yet, but I wanted to go to the grand canyon with her again >a road trip, just her and I. Soon, asked if she wanted to start planning the trip now >she said yes right away, got all excited >spent that afternoon planning a trip out on google maps >thinking about what it would be like to marry her one day the whole time >a little while after that we had the trip planned for the day after my birthday >going grocery/supply shopping few days later >kinda early but I just love doing stuff with her >going to costco is fun when i'm with her >since the trip is still three weeks away, we decided to go on an adventure in a pickup truck to the mountains that night >put blankets in the back and pillows
>>704797242 >drove up a secluded and scenic mountain road >laid there and stared at the stars and moon reflecting on a mountain reservoir >made love beautifully to her there >eventually fell asleep >woke up just before sunrise which was cool >watched it come up over the mountains with her >told her I'm so glad she came back for me >promise her I'll marry her one day >forgot that stuff like that makes her really emotional >she burst out crying of course >at least it was a good crying >held her and told her sorry for upsetting her >told me she feels loved and is just overcome with emotion >says she can't wait till we can be married one day >play with her hair there for a while >eventually head down the mountain, but wander around woods for a while in the truck >super cliche, but we carve out names in a heart into a tree Cont?
>>704797293 >>704797655 ok then. Here come the upd8s faggots. thanks for reading btw, I actually do like the feedback even if it's just insults. >a little backstory first >my parents were fine, obviously they were a little distant and inattentive but they raised me right for the most part. >we weren't too much of a family though >my mom was kind of a unpredictable stereotypical liberal >had these periods of going into a fuck you mode, where she decided she was a "strong independent feminist" and decided to be absent and hang out with these ugly lesbians >didn't think much of it as a kid, just thought she was a moron for that >my dad, however, was and is a mormon who has strong religious beliefs and is every bit as stubborn and unwilling to accept other ideas as my mom >drove them apart over the years >I can't prove it, but I have a lot of reasons to believe my dad was seeing other women "through the righteous authority of the church" basically a BS loophole that allows you to leave your spouse if they weren't married to you in a mormon church >long story short, they drifted apart over the years >eventually just kinda existed together >didn't divorce for a mutual understanding of how that would fuck everything up for them and me and my little brother >at this point, my parents obviously know about me and her >my mom could not give less of a fuck >my dad disapproved quite openly >constantly lectures me about how "the holy spirit won't follow me if I do things the church forbids with her" >tell him to mind his own business and to fuck off, obviously >at this point he's pretty much sure I'm fucking her >gets mad when I come back in the mornings now because he knows she's not just my friend anymore >eventually escalates like this until he has missionaries and the bishop of his church come over to lecture me >they were waiting for me on the couch after I came home from getting ice cream with her >asked me to sit down >began preaching
>>704781360 same, i never fell in love or knows how it feels but sure i went out with a few people just never actually felt like i needed them for me, they were just an option, cant say ill never feel it but who knows i just dont believe in love cuz i havent felt it and i secretly hope someday i will.
>>704800188 >about 30 seconds in, I'm too pissed to sit still >turn red, veins dilate >shaking slightly >"anon, are you alr-" >"stand up so fast I knocked my chair back >blow up, start yelling at them why I think their entire religion is bullshit and why they need to fuck off >tell them everything I think is wrong with their "church", including the whole 'you can cheat if your wife isn't mormon and your mistress is' >tell them they are anything but christians >tell my dad I found someone I love more than anything and if he can't leave me be, we're gonna have a problem >stop and look around and think for a second >they are visibly scared, don't respond >walk upstairs without another word >called her
>>704772116 He gives me a bit of a grace period to gather myself. Then he tells me to stand up. I do . Then he goes nose to nose with me and starts yelling again. He smashes my laptop (Mac) and acts as tho he's going to hit me with the motherboard .....
>>704800847 >told her everything that happened >I decided I'm gonna leave home, maybe for just a little while, but I'm an adult now, may as well just leave for good >told her that too >I have a job with good income for a kid who's barely college age >pack all of my meaningful/useful possessions >put my shit in my jeep and drive off >made me proud to have worked for pretty much everything I had right at that moment >I was self made >I was free
>>704801310 >drove to her house >she was kinda freaked out, waiting out front for me >took me inside >I sat down with her, her dad and sister >they wanted to know what was going on >told them the story as bluntly as I could >they ask what I'm gonna do now >"well, I've got plenty of money, I'll look for a place to have for a few months here until I go off to college or the military" >her dad told me he was in a similar situation when he was my age >said an apartment or condo just isn't the same as having "home" to go back to >goes on to explain why it's good to go home, not just the place you sleep >"well, you make a good point, I'm gonna find home then" >no, anon, you don't understand what I'm getting at >"well, what are you trying to say then?" >you love my daughter, don't you? >"well of course, more than anything" >this is home, anon. >at least until next fall, I want you to stay with us
>>704772116 I had my bed window open as I always do when I fap, it was wide open. As he came at me, I fucking ducked and crouched in the fetal,(always do) and he was stuck in the bug screen from his shoulders and he couldn't move. ...
>>704802203 >normally, I would be very hesitant to accept because I'm super uncomfortable accepting things from other people, or having others do stuff for me >but she was there >these guys felt like my family >my little brother was family too, but he was old enough and big enough to fend for himself now >still had regular contact with him afterwards too >I never felt so full of joy, so warm inside all the time >I used to only feel it when I was with her, but now I loved coming home at the end of the day instead of dreading it >did things like a family, ate, went out, watched TV and had conversations about anything and everything >got a lot closer even in that first 8 days before our road trip cont?
>>704772116 It was my time /b/ros... All the pain and anguish he just caused me had built up into anger and I grabbed his legs and just pushed a tiny bit. He slid out the window (2nd) story of house...
>>704772116 To this day, I feed him and clean him and shit.... It's bad. I want to end it all some day soon. Life's not worth living I can't bring a girl over, I have zero friends ( other than the occasional /b/ro
Always lurk these threads, gonna finally post. >Got with a girl for about 3 months >really liked her, we clicked. >decides to leave me because apparently she was scared of I don't know what. >Got back with her later that year for another 3 months. >Got super attached to this girl >In those 3 months, I fell in love >Never felt something like it before >She leaves again, this time I think for good, says she isn't happy with me. It's a bad feeling /b/ros. Not a day goes by I don't think of her. Been almost a year now. Don't have problem getting with other girls but I actually have trouble performing, sometimes don't get hard at all no matter how hot the chick is. Feels hopeless sometimes.
>>704772116 Another one of my sad tales was before I accidentally rekt my own dad (I'll try green text ) >at school with sis and younger bro >always walked to school not bad at all >at the field talking with little bros friends > I'm 3 yrs older than my bro > one of the girls in my grade joins us in our little convo about rare Pokemon > kinda get friendly with her, show her a riachu card I had >her "bf" throws a rock in my direction >hits my younger bro in the fuckin head
>>704772116 >I know exactly who threw the rock cuz every girl there was screaming and yelling his name > I see him walking inside the school >nope > run at his little bitch ass with the speed of a fucking silverback.
>>704781360 It's the fading. It eats at you. Chips always at the soul, the heart, the core emotional level of a human being. It makes you want to die. It makes you feel hopeless like nothing in this world really fucking matters and all you wanted was her. And now that she's gone you don't know what to do. You feel like like dying just to see if that'll get her attention. Because maybe then her family can relise for once that they aren't all that fucking matters in this god forsaken shit hole.
>>704772116 >told my only friend in our class about what happened in the field earlier > he gives me an elastic and a couple "hornets" > pretty much sheets of paper folded into a small wedge for elastic >see kid in our run >run up to him and unleash the anger hornet
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