Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout /b/, Every /b/tard was fapping, and that includes me. The PENIS was out, proudly stiff in the air in hopes of a post that would please Pedobear The /b/tards all staring in front of the screen Catching unearthly visions, all mainly unseen Except for the pasta that flooded the board Christmas was coming to 4chan.org With a stickam whore wearing a red santa cap and every guy screaming that it was a trap Crashing the server while trying to GET All normal things for this part of the net When up on the roof, a noise that perplexed I shot off my load in startled reflex Away from the desktop, I flew in a flash Wondering what the hell caused the crash When, what to my wondering eyes did I see A man black as night, above all thhe trees Pulled by a horde of memes, well because, I figured at once that it was Nigra Claus. Faster than a rapidshare download they came And his voiced boomed aloud, calling all of their names. "Now Zimmer, Now Cracky, now Mongler and Desu! On Delay, on Picard, on Gendo, and Deku! To the top of the board, where the sticky pin lies!" Needless to say, I was very suprised. He landed upon the grass of the lawn and walked towards the house, as bright as the dawn The source of the glowing was no magic spell "IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!" the red-lipped one yelled. The front door exploded, all shattered to splinters I realized I just took a shit in my knickers They poured in the room, with quite a large ruckus "Candlejack?" I exclaimed. "What the fuck is-" The words were unable to flow from my voice Little did I realize that I had no choice to sit and endure the riotous mass With cum on my stomach and shit on my ass.
>>699410920 Saint Nigra stepped forth, and wrinkling his nose took a look at the room, and shouted "POOL'S CLOSED Don't go in the water, it's full of stingrays and plagued with a virus that's known as the AIDS." George Zimmer stood next, and reached into his frock- "IT NEEDS TO BE HUEG TO MAKE ROOM FOR MY COCK" Pulled out some new pants, for my own I had shit "FROM THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE, BITCH, I GUARANTEE IT." He stepped back, and a doll took his place while two orbs of color shined out from her face Her features contorted like an old anguished jew "Desu desu desu, desu desu desu desu." Cockmongler ran up and grabbed hold of my dick And then took off his shirt, I thought I'd be sick He put the rag on me, as I stood there perplexed now adorned by the image of a bright green T-Rex Picard flipped me off at warp factor "fuck you" while Cracky-chan smiled, her teeth all askew "Who are you," I asked, "Why are you in this region?" "We are anonymous," they said. "Anonymous is legion." As quick as the flash, they all left the scene With plenty of shouting and phrases obscene They swarmed a female who was blocking their route and all screamed at once "TITS OR GTFO" Mongler suggested "Stick it in her pooper!" The raeping commenced so fast it was blurred They turned then to me, and shouted quite clear "Merry Christmas to /b/, we'll raep you next year
when I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her.
By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.
When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.
I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actally hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.
It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over face and chest.
Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick and tossed it to her.
I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of highschool kids did it.
When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.
Hey /b/ Today, I was lifting an old carpet, as we have a damp problem. Underneath there were hundreds of slugs and worms. My wife and I picked up about 40 slugs and put them in a pair of my wife's panties. I then put the panties on. The feeling was amazing. I got a huge erection and I could feel them sliding over my glans, and round my balls. Eventually I could feel one going up my bum. I knew I would come soon, so I let my wife tie me up, with my hands and feet speadeagled and attached to some furniture. She then took the panties down and about 15 of the slugs were crawling over my cock and balls. I came, spurting out loads of cum all over the poor things, but still couldn't move. My wife then took the other slugs out of the panties and placed them on my cock. She was careful to put some of them right on the opening of my cock, which was now covered in a mixture of sperm and glistening goo from the slugs. She opened up my arse and tried to put one in there too. I got hard again quite quickly as I thought of these slimy little things crawling over me. I imagined them biting me. One seemed to be trying to enter my uretha and this caused me to come again. That was 4 hurs ago. My cock is now very itchy, but I am about to give them another "feed". SO YEAH, I like anime
The human genome is about 3,120,000,000 DNA base pairs long, so half of that is in each spermatozoa. That gives us 1,560,000,000 base pairs in a single sperm cell.
Each of those base pairs can be an A-T bond or a G-C bond, and can be aligned in either direction. That means there’s 4 ways it can be aligned, and that can be represented in two bits of data: 00=G, 01=C, 10=A, and 11=T, for example.
Now, the average dude lets out about 50 and 500 million sperm with each go. Rough average says that it’d probably be about 200 million, right? If we take all this information and combine it with the wonders of mathematics, we have 1.560*10^9 * 2 bits * 2.00*10^8. Do all the equational shit, and we have 6.24*10^17 bits transmitted in a single burst.
That’s 78,000 Terabytes, in what amounts to a half-minute-at-most event.
We could fit a digitized copy of the Library of Congress into your spooge. It’d only take about 20 terabytes.
So your dick has a higher bandwidth than any Internet connection that ever existed, and is likely to exist any time soon. Now, imagine a machine that used your saltshaker to surf the Internet.
Of course, god knows most of you would only use that power to surf for pr0n.
One hitler shall henceforth be a unit of measurement equal to 6.0*106 human deaths.
Standard SI prefixes apply. Thus Harold Shipman's achievements amount to 36 microhitlers.
The true utility of the hitler as an SI unit is it allows useful unit conversions.
For example: the EPA currently values a human life as being worth 6.9 million us dollars (6.9 megadollars). A simple unit conversion thus gives us 1 hitler is equivalent to -41,400,000,000,000 dollars. (-41 teradollars).
It can therefore be quantitatively established whether or not someone is "worse than hitler". When congress failed to pass a stimulus bill in 2008 the market lost 1.2 trillion dollars in 1 day, roughly equivalent to 29 millihitlers. Joseph Stalin is the only human I know of who can be called worse than hitler, as his achievements clocked roughly 5 hitlers.
When your bank nails you with a 35 dollar fine, you can confidently tell the teller that they are currently fucking you over to the tune of 84 picohitlers and ask if they have a very tiny auschwitz behind the counter.
Every time after my girlfriend orgasms, she passes out in a matter of seconds. The first time she did this, I tried talking to her, but she was unresponsive, so I just went to sleep too. Then a few more times after that, I decided to see how deep a sleep she was in. I tried rubbing her, pinching her, rolling her over, and a few other things, but none of them seemed to do anything. After a few more weeks, I became more curious to see how far I could push her. I tried splashing he with a small amount of water. I tried blowing in her ear very hard. After I regain an erection one time, I tried cumming on her face. Nothing worked. So I became more curious. This time I tried cumming in her mouth, and in her pussy. (Don't worry, she's on the pill.) She still wouldn't wake up. A few weeks ago, I started putting change in her mouth and rubbing her throat so she would swallow it. This was working, and I kept upping the amount I would put in. Last night I put in 13 pennies, all labled /b/. This morning, she noticed one in the toilet, but still hasn't confronted me about it. She has no idea what /b/ is. If she finds out about /b/, she will KNOW that is somwhere I would surf. What do I do /b/????
YOU ARE NOT A /b/TARD Alright everyone, listen up. This shit has to stop. I'm tired of every furfag/underage/self-righteous prick going out on other websites besides the Chans and saying HAY GUYZ I'M A /'b/TARDED LOL, because FYI... YOU ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY A /b/TARD JUST BECAUSE YOU GO ONTO /b/. Being a /b/tard means that you have a morbid, vile sense of humor, and probably are close to being a chronic masturbator. And I have seen PLENTY of self-alleged /b/tards who do not qualify for the /b/tard title. If you are against lolicon in ANY way, shape, or form, you are NOT a /b/tard. If you do not laugh at things like rape, AIDS, and decapitation, you are NOT a /b/tard. And if you have EVER posted ANY furry porn, you are DEFINITELY NOT a /b/tard, and also need to be murdered accordingly. It has been said before that /b/ is the trashcan of the internet, for those who are completely inept and couldn't get laid if their lives depended on it. In conclusion, if you are a user of /b/ and you do not hold the traits of a /b/tard, STOP SAYING YOU ARE A /b/TARD DAMMIT.
I have been keeping and saving any and all spiders I find running around my house. I keep them alive in little tuba wear containers and drop in crickets or whatever random feeder bugs I find at the local petsmart. Anyway,
I recently have erected a spider battle arena out of cardboard and sugar cubes. I have about 22 spiders in surplus and plan to make them do one on one combat in a tournament of epic proportions. The loser is devoured by the winner and the winner becomes stronger. He then lives on to do battle against the next opponent. Whichever spider is left standing after the other 21 have died will go on to the final round. There is a prey mantis I bought at the vivarium named Charley. The final spider gladiator will do battle with Charley the mantis. If the spider actually manages to beat Charley he will be declared the king of spider land and flushed down the toilet afterwards.
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
Hello i just would like you to all know i am discusted by this website in whole my son was recently looking on the internet for help with his homework somehow he stumbled apon this website and what he saw was disgraceful... racesit comments,Vulgar langauge,agressive behavior from a man called ''BigMike'' and ''Moot'' i dont know who these two clowns are but they are destroying my sons education i have already informed the local police department they will be ariving at Moot and bigmikes house i urge you to stop posting pornography and useing bad langauge i would request you either talk to me on msn or email me (my email is in the topic) i wish to speak to your parents ... -Vanna a concerned mother
A while ago there was a thread on /b/ explaining the techniques and the adrenaline rush you get from blowing your load on a sleeping girl. Well it didn't sound too impossible to pull off and I had the perfect opportunity last night. I was sleeping over at my 11 year old cousins house because my aunt was going out of town the next morning and she needed somebody to watch the kids. (not underage b& btw, 18 as of july 6th) My cousins friend slept over, who was also 11 and she had the body of a fucking 14 year old, which is how I like it. So I waited until everybody in the house was sound asleep. I took all the necessary precautions (The tv was on low volume, AC and fan running so it will override the sound of my fapping). So I'm standing above this cum dumpster of an 11 year old for 10 minutes fapping at full power. And don't you know literally 3 seconds before I blow my load, the bitch opens her eyes and fucking BAM, steamy load all in them. She screams, waking up my two cousins and my uncle. I don't know what the fuck to do so I run in the bathroom and lock the door. 2 minutes later my uncle is pounding on it threatening to slit my throat. He threatened to call the cops, and I'm not going to jail for blowing my load on some little cunt so I opened it and he caught me right in the eye. Beat the shit out of me, then threw me out the door at 3 am. He wouldn't even let me come back inside to get my car keys, so I walked 10 miles home where my stepdad was awake. He got a call from my uncle, and beat the shit out of me the second I walked in the door. Nobody has spoken to me since.
Walk into the desert, any desert, as long as its isolated. Walk straight and never look back, keep going for at least one full day. Don't sleep. once one day has passed, stop where ever you are and close your eyes. Reach one hand out and feel around in front of you, till finally you find a door knob. Keep your eyes CLOSED. Pull the door knob and enter the door it opens, close the door before you open your eyes. Inside is a endless library, countless billions of books spiraling endlessly into the dark above you and into the horizon in all directions.
Walk forward, do not stray from the path you start on, do not open any of the books, just follow the path. Eventually you'll come to a small circular area and in the center will be a pale young man with white hair and gray eyes. He will be sitting on a large trunk, which is covered in strange runes. Step up and tell the holder " I seek knowledge". He will not respond to but will ask you three questions. The questions can be about anything in the universe and if you miss even one, you will never leave the library again. Get them right and the holder will stand and open the trunk. Inside is a small black book, wrapped in chains.
This book is object 188 of 538, and it contains the knowledge of all things that have ever been or ever will be. A person who opens the locks and reads even one word of the book will be given all knowledge. No mortal has ever survived this.
In any city, in any country, go to any morgue you can get yourself into. Walk up to the front desk ask to visit someone who calls himself “The Holder Of Mourning.” The worker will look at your with eyes so cold they feel as if they are looking straight into your soul. Do not blink, look away or even wince, after a few minutes the room should flash white. When the light fades the room should be white as snow, the worker will ask you to follow them, they will not leave the chair but there spirit will. Follow them to a staircase, decide now are this object worth meeting the reaper himself? If the answer is yes go down the staircase, if the answer is no scream at the top of your lungs, “I DO NOT BELONG IN THE WORLD OF THE DEAD!”
Should you go down the staircase, you will see the souls of every woman, child and man that have passed on, their bodies exactly the same as when they died, some so gruesome even the bravest man will cower in fear. Make your way down the staircase to a all black door, knock twice, if the door opens you will be that much closer to him, if it does not, you are stuck in the stairway until you become part of it.
Inside the room, sits a figure dressed in black robes, on a throne made of bones. He will only answer to one question, “How did your acquire it?” He will tell you, in excruciating detail, how he became the Grim Reaper. After the tale he will remove his hood, do not look away, to become untouchable you must not fear death. When this ordeal is over he will vanish and in his place lay the Reaper’s Scythe. Pick it up and embrace your fate as the Grim Reaper.
The Scythe is object 274 of 538. Even death cannot stop your quest now.
In any city large enough to have an insanitarium, walk up to the front desk, declare your name, ask to see "The Holder Of Wrath". The receptionist will pick up the phone, dial a number, and say "They're here.". A few more seconds will pass and she will direct you to a flight of stairs leading down. You may descend as far as you like; every floor leads to the same place.
When you enter the doorway leading to the floor of your choice, you will see only a single light, at the very end of a long hallway. Walk towards the light, but whatever you do, do not walk to the end of the hallway. Feel along the walls until you reach the third door on the left. Do not enter any other room, as you will not leave should you do so. Once you reach the third door on the left, enter this room, and hold both your arms outstretched, palms forwards. The one person who makes you the most angry will appear before you. You must embrace them in a loving hug and whisper into their ear "I feel nothing but peace." At this point, they will hand you a small vial of blood.
The blood in the vial is object 528 of 538. Use it when they find you.
In any city, in any country, go into any mental institution or halfway house, walk up to the front desk, and ask the person there if you may speak with "The Holder of the Legion". the person at the desk should then stare into your eyes as if judging you, if they refuse, reveal the first object, a task not easily accomplished. they will then walk you through a door into a room.
in the room there will be a man with gray skin and long ratty hair, we will be whispering to the walls about how he has heard the other holders have been found and their objects stolen, or taken. he will know you are there, and if you make noise he will look at you, with bloodshot eyes and black teeth, but he will not speak to you, unless you say "It was me." he will then walks towards you and stare into your eyes and say "You are the collector?" if you respond "No" then your life will end, quickly and painlessly. should you reply yes, he will put his hand up and display a ring that glows a hue of orange-yellow, and he will say "your quest ends here, collector" he will grab your head and push on your temples, if you allow this to continue he will split open your skull and kill you. to remove his hands from your temples will cause him to have a look of fear in your eyes. Kill the man. and take the ring.
That ring is object 529 out of 538, with the ring you will be able to find all the objects, but as you wear it, you will be haunted with voices, to demand you to bring the objects together, if this is your quest, you will have friends. If you are attempting to destroy the objects, you will find yourself on the edge of death more times then anyone would wish. Good luck, collector.
I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 3,000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that's 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with.
DRIVERS. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.
Frozen peas are an ideal replacement for ice in a cool drink when ice cubes are not available. They are just as good, and can be washed afterwards and refrozen.
Rather than carry bulky shopping bags around with me or pay for expensive carrier bags, I always eat my groceries at the checkout. Not only does this save pounds on carriers, but it has also substantially reduced my gas bill.
If you foul the air in someone else's bathroom, disguise the smell by lighting a match and setting fire to the hand towel.
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
Don't waste your money on Christmas singles this year. Just listen to normal singles, and shake some sleigh bells towards the end of the record.
Pet owners! Save money on pet food, when the Alpo runs out, simply buy a new dog. You can also extend your savings by feeding the new dog the carcass of the old one.
Fellas. Avoid pissing on the lavatory floor during the night after an evening of heavy drinking by nailing a paid of slippers to the floor directly in front of the toilet. Later, when you roll out of bed and stagger into the bathroom, simply slide your feet into the slippers and voila! You're in the perfect position for a piss.
Housewives. When making hubby's sandwiches for work, always fill the last one with toothpaste. Make sure he eats this one last, for healthier teeth and gums.
When speaking on the phone to someone in America, always start talking a couple of seconds before they finish their sentence. This avoids pauses due to trans-atlantic time delays.
Soup /b/? First of all, I work in a screenprinting shop, i.e., we make t-shirts. We have recently recieved a new machine that prints plastisol (ink) directly onto a tee. To test this, I made myself a pedobear t-shirt. None of the shoops, just the original pedobear.
Anyway, I am out at the local Taco Bell gorging myself on shitty tacos. I am wearing the pedobear shirt, of course, when a mom and her three little girls (all with delicious, flat loli chests... I had to stop from fapping right there in the restaurant) stroll in. I smirk, knowing I'm wearing the shirt, but it doesn't stop there.
The seeming youngest girl sees the shirt and says loudly to her mom "Mommy! That boy has a bear on his shirt. It is SO cute!". The other two look and start to giggle, and I hear them talk about how much they love it, and how they want one, etc, etc. To be honest, /b/, I almost lost it right there. I had to bite my tongue to keep from bursting out into laughter.
I know many of you here like to joke about CP, but one thing I've noticed is that several people have the mistaken assumption that nobody actually likes it. Some of you think that we only pretend to like it. No, we actually do like it. There are actual pedophiles here on /b/. I am one myself, although I'm exclusively a girl-lover. I like adult women too, but younger girls are fine too. Now many of you are going to say "omg mental disorder" or whatever. and you're wrong. Everyone has a different taste for sexual attraction. If it's normal to be aroused by older women (like milfs), why is it not normal to be aroused by younger? Now, there is a big difference between having sexual thoughts about little girls, and actually acting them out. I personally do not think it is right to have sex with children, but it's a fantasy, much like how girls fantasize about being raped. It's not my fault I was born this way.
Pedophilia, or better said, pedosexuality, is just as much of a sexual orientation as heterosexuality or homosexuality. Most child molesters are not actual pedophiles, they're heteros/homos who just in it for the thrill. No true girl lover would want to actually hurt little girls.
But whereas I'm aroused by CP, I am also disgusted by it because I know children are being harmed in the making. I try my best to only view virtual child porn so I can know for sure that no cute lolis are harmed.
So in conclusion, I would enjoy fucking a loli, but I wouldn't do it because it would hurt her. But pedosexuality is a mental thing, not a physical. Even if I was celibate for the rest of my life I would still be considered pedosexual because I'm aroused by little girls. I want to cuddle with them, eat ice cream with them, buy them clothes, make them laugh, play with them. Sometimes I rub my PENIS on them when they don't notice, but I haven't done anything more than that.
You are going to like this, /b/. True story, original content. It was the end of 8th grade, and my best friend threw a little party because his parents were away for a couple days. What kind of party can a 8th grader throw, you know? So only about 7 people showed up. 6 dudes...1 girl.
Just as you would expect, some crazy shit happened. This girl was a freak. She was all "scene", but hot as hell. She would always have that seductive look on her face... the kind that gets you aroused just by looking at her. We were all good friends in school, but never really chilled outside of it. We were all about 14, and really sexually inexperienced. This girl however, has fucked at least 20 different guys. From the moment she walked in the house, we could tell what she wanted.
Lost in her desire, she began to grind up on the host. They made out for about 10 mins, but this girl wanted more. She made us all go into the host's room, and play a modified version of spin the bottle. Basically, instead of just making out, she would decide what to do with the guy. At first we were shy, but pretty soon we all started to jack off while the girl did whatever she pleased.
The situation quickly escalated. She was getting fucked in turns, by 3 different guys, fighting over her pussy like the kids that they were. I would've joined them, but then she waved me to come over. My dick was probably the hardest its ever been. Sticking straight out, and pulsating; I felt like it was gonna explode. To my surprise, she grabbed it and just stuck it in her mouth without warning. I had never had my dick sucked before, but let me tell you, it was amazing.
Game as it was, I was ready to cum in seconds. I didn't know what to do, so I asked her where I should blow my load. And at that moment, she said something I will never forget. She turned to me and said, "read the first word of each paragraph."
The Devil went down to 4chan, he was lookin' for a soul to take. He was in a snag, 'cause he was a fag, and was runnin' out of cake. Then he came upon a oldfag trollin on the forums and trollin it hot, So the Devil logged onto his tripfag name and said, "BOY, LEMME TELL YOU WHAT!"
I bet you didn't know this, but I'm a /b/tard too, And if you've got the balls to take this call, I'll make a bet with you. Now you're a pretty successful troll, but give the Devil his due, I'll be this CP folder against your soul 'cause I think I'm better than you.
Now the boy said, "My name is Anonymous, and you're challenge is real bland, But I'll take your bet, and you're gonna regrt, 'cause I'm gonna get you b&!"
Anon, go load up your pics and troll the forums hard, Cause Hell's broke loose in 4chan, and the Devil's a /b/tard. And if you win, you get a shiny folder of CP, But if you lose, you'll fail like EFG!
The Devil loaded up his pics and he said, "I'll start this dance!" And fire burst from the mods as he made them shit their pants. Then he posted gore, and furry porn, and a wall of zippo cat, then a band of furfags joined in and they posted tonnes of scat.
(Kick-ass fiddle solo)
When the Devil finished, Anon said, "You're about to fail your mission." And he posted consensual sex in the missionary position.
This thread's epic, FUKKEN SAVE! If it gets any better, Moot's gonna rave! Get the Devil's CP before 404, Or the partyvan will come knockin' at your door!
(Yet another kick ass solo)
The Devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been tricked. And he posted all his CP like a big gigantic prick. Anon said, "Devil you cannot win, you should have turned and ran." Then Snacks wound up his B&hammer and the Devil got permab&.
This thread's epic, FUKKEN SAVE! If it gets any better, Moot's gonna rave! Get the Devil's CP before 404, Or the partyvan will come knockin' at your door!
>>699421775 Is it still considered pedosexuality when the person in question is interested in being the loli instead of the pedo? (basically a switcheroo, if that makes any sense. Just a random thought seeing as nobody really talks about it in reverse role)
I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.
I watched this whole program on National Geographic entitled 'The Dark Side of Dolphins' and let me tell you, dolphins are total assholes. So here's the deal, male dolphins travel in packs of two. These males want to get laid, and so they trap a female between them and keep her captive for up to a month, having sex with her as they please. If she tries to get away, they will beat her with their snouts and fins. When you see large groups of them it's just a bunch of these two packs of males joining together to keep captive a few females so that they can gang rape her. The females hate it and try to get away but then get beaten up. If and when the female gives birth she won't want to have sex while protecting her young, and so males will gang up and try in some instatnces to kill the baby inorder to have sex with the mother. Bottom line, dolphins are assholes. According to marine biolgoists dolphins could have normal courtship and sex, but the males choose not to they prefer gang rape. Dolphins are assholes.
Earlier today, while talking to a client about her policy, I accidentally said "I'm pro rape" instead of "I'll pro-rate your account". She tried to ignore the slip up, unfortunately I complicated matters by gagging her with my necktie and repeatedly raping her. Sometimes I think I must not care about Geico shareholder value at all.
Not copypasta. I just didn't really have an appropriate image. I had to come and tell you guys this. Well, after the fapping.
Right, so, my brother is about eight years younger than me. Tonight he graduated from elementary school. I ended going along, partly because my brother's an okay guy and partly because my parents dragged me. So I got there, and the first thing I saw was that there were all these lolis. And the thing about elementary school grad lolis is that they like to think they're grown up. So, of course, they were all dressed really slutty. That was probably the third reason I stayed. Awesome smooth backs and delicious flat chests.
So the entire night was like slutty lolis on parade. But then, near the end of the ceremony, this one loli, who was trying not to look slutty and so was wearing a dress that went down to her feet (but strapless, so she still failed at the not slutty look) goes up. She walked across the stage and got her diploma, and then she headed for the stairs down. Then, right as she got there, she stepped on the bottom of her skirt. I could tell right away it was going to go. She slipped forward and tried to grab it, but by then it was over her delicious flat chest and about to go the whole way. To top it off, she was stumbling toward the stairs. She was about to fall and my mom got scared, she said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air." I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, But I thought "Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air." I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo holmes, smell ya later." Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.
Hey /b/, I have a huge problem that I both hope and pray that you can solve. Let me start from the beginning:
I live in Canada, home of the free health insurance, and so as America was in a giant economy crisis, I took it upon myself to take advantage of that crisis. I pondered for several days about what I should do, wanting to do something that can be both quick and rewarding. Well, when I was getting a physical, which was free, I saw a pamphlet for diabetes. "Great!" I thought, as I rushed home to begin my transformation. I was going to forcefully give myself Diabetes, preferably Type 1, as that has the most support in Canada.
I went to the local supermarket, and purchased two pounds of sugar, along with several bags of sweet tarts. I ate the sugar at once, and then ate all the candy. I then fell asleep, and awoke very dizzy, signifying that I was almighty, I had diabetes. My plan? To sell my insulin to the americans at inflated prices, yet claim it was "all natural" because Americans are hugely uneducated and wouldn't know that insulin is all natural in the first place. So after about 3 weeks, I had made several thousand dollars off of my supply of insulin. The problem? I lost vision in my right eye, and my penis has shriveled. My heartbeat is irregular, and I have seizures whenever I see other people. /b/, what's should I do?
Legend has it that if you travel east to Japan, you will find an old man living on the coast just 40 miles south of Tokyo. If you give this man $500,000 he will take you to an island just off the coast that can't be found on any map. This island is filled with people without faces or names, who hold grudges over the most trivial of matters. When you arrive at this island the first thing you will see is a swimming pool that is never open. Just beyond the pool you will find a town that is filled with cats. You must find a white cat wearing a pink bow. If you ask the cat how to get to Mexico, he will stand up and ask you for three things: Your name, your face, and your soul. If you agree to give them to him, your face will vanish and you will forget your own name. You can live on the island and have whatever you desire, but you can never leave the island. The only way to escape is to find the cat again and ask for a young child. The next day a van will pull up in front your house. You will hear a knock at the door, and a voice will ask if you want to come to a party. No one knows what happens if you answer the door.
I like to wear a elaborate Jar Jar Binks costume and mask as part of my every day life. I went to the grocery store, and saw how depressed everyone was so I thought I would help. I started dancing in the aisles, and yelling at people, and running up to people and taking things out of their cart. It was great fun. Then when I went to check out, there was only one lane open and a long line. I screamed and screamed while in line and danced, bumping into other people. I opened a box of baking soda and threw it around. Finally I got to the checkout. I started making noises at the cashier, and I kept pressing buttons on the computer. Some people in line were groaning because the line was getting very long, but that gave me even more incentive to make them laugh. I climbed onto the table and started kicking peoples groceries on the floor and singing. The manager and one of his goons pulled me off and said I could never shop there again. Can I sue for harassment or possibly assault?
I'm a 4chan level otaku. I don't talk with you chumps in anime club, I don't read your "anime magazine" with new releases I saw two years ago. I don't need to go to a club full of fat smelly people to watch Full Metal Alchemist all over again. I've got fuckin' live feed torrents of the newest animes you haven't even hear of, and figures from said anime being shipped to my house so I can masturbate on them. Go read your "yowie" on fanfiction.net, I'm downloading loli dojinshi and reading the fucking raws.
You keep wearing your naruto headbands and shit, socializing with your weeaboo friends. I'll be walking by, Anonymous. You'll never know that the master of anime had passed you by, because I suppress my power level.
So /b/ I had to get a colonoscopy today That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take pictures of your intestines.
Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep for it: I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to drink about 2 liters of this shit that would he;lp clear my intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about rolling around on the floor punching shit severe.
Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some reason. It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time, having a raging boner and wanting to jack off. Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move around enough that I started cumming.
So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in the sink, and cum covering my legs.
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house in you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of the End". Should a look of child-like fear come over the workers face, you will then be taken to a cell in the building. It will be in a deep hidden section of the building. All you will hear is the sound of someone talking to themselves echo the halls. It is in a language that you will not understand, but your very soul will feel unspeakable fear.
Should the talking stop at any time, STOP and QUICKLY say aloud "I'm just passing through, I wish to talk." If you still hear silence, flee. Leave, do not stop for anything, do not go home, don't stay at an inn, just keep moving, sleep where your body drops. You will know in the morning if you've escaped.
If the voice in the hall comes back after you utter those words continue on. Upon reaching the cell all you will see is a windowless room with a person in the corner, speaking an unknown language, and cradling something. The person will only respond to one question. "What happens when they all come together?"
The person will then stare into your eyes and answer your question in horrifying detail. Many go mad in that very cell, some disappear soon after the meeting, a few end their lives. But most do the worst thing, and look upon the object in the person's hands. You will want to as well. Be warned that if you do, your death will be one of cruelty and unrelenting horror.
Your death will be in that room, by that person's hands.
That object is 1 of 538. They must never come together. Never.
Ok /b/, I'll tell you my first incest experience. It was about 2 years ago; I was 18 and my sister was 16(and a half). We had a cousin staying at our house for the summer and she was either 16 or 17. Got along great with the cousin, but not so great with the sister. She felt she should have the run of the house since I was about to move out to college and I thought she was a bitch. This caused conflict.
Anyway, the parents were at work, I was chilling in my room, and the two girls were sunbathing/swimming outside. I had nothing for my sister at this point, but my cousin was a different matter. From an objective standpoint, she's good looking. She's the big athlete in the family so the body is pretty good as well. I would post pics, but I'm afraid someone would recognize her(maybe I'll post with the face blurred...). So I can't help but look out my window every now and again to check her out and maybe jack a bit.
Here's where things get crazy. I'm building up jack material on my cousin, but I can't stop looking at my sister. Cousin is hot, but my sister has a RACK. Her boobs look like they wanna bust out of the bikini. So I start storing images of her as well. It feels a little sick at first, but that just makes things more exciting.
I want a closer look, so I go outside to the pool and say that I'm going to bust into the booze cabinent and to come inside if they want any. They think it's a great idea and follow me in. They get wasted pretty fast, but I only have a couple drinks. It gets to the point where they're basically passed out on the floor, wearing skimpy bikinis, and I'm sitting there with a raging hard on. So I make the decision.
I run to the basement to grab a camcorder and set it up in the den where we are. Just then, my grandpa busts through the door, tears off my pants, and fucks me in the ass. He's wearing a cowboy hat. Once he unloads, he runs back out of the house and yells, "I have the weirding way!"
>>699426597 We did, he's been here talking to him self for almost 2 hours compleatly missing the other fur threads that have come and gone in that time. It's probably the funniest thing I've witnessed on here in months.
Me and my three friends (All in our late 20's) have formed a team to help out our neighborhood. I wear a Jar Jar Binks costume and am the leader. Then there is the guy who wears the Grimace costume, he is the strong man. Then there is the guy who is a convicted sex offender, he wears a trenchcoat like the matrix. And lastly, their is "The Professional", he wears a cardboard Burgerking crown and a fake muscle suit. We walk around town and knock on random doors. When the person answers, I dance and do a Jar Jar quote, then make a loud screech with an air horn. While the person is reeling from the sound, the sex offender confesses that he is a sex offender (as required by his parole). Then the grimace throws some leaves and dirt into the persons house. And lastly, Muscle King plays 'me so horny' on his boombox and we dance. We have done this to hundreds of houses. Are we some kind of kings? I don't know how?
On Sunday, October 22nd, 2016, there will be seven "dirty" explosive devices detonated in seven different U.S. cities; Miami, New York City, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The death toll will approach 100,000 from the initial blasts and countless other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout. The bombs themselves will be delivered via trucks. These trucks will pull up to stadiums hosting NFL games in each respective city. All stadiums to be targeted are open air arenas, excluding Atlanta's Georgia Dome, the only enclosed stadium to be hit. Due to the open air, the radiological fallout will destroy those not killed in the initial explosion. The explosions will be near simultaneous, with the cities specifically chosen in different time zones to allow for multiple attacks at the same time. The 22nd of October will mark the final day of Ramadan as it would fall in Mecca. Al-Qaida will automatically be blamed for the attacks. Later, through Al-Jazeera, Osama bin Laden will issue a video message claiming responsibility for what he dubs "America's Hiroshima". In the aftermath civil wars will erupt across the world, both in the Middle East and within the United States. Global economies will screech to a halt. General chaos will rule.
>>699428062 What are you talking about? Someone linked this thread in a ylyl thread and said a spammer spent 2 hours in here alone and wasn't a bot, I had to check it out and see for myself and wow, he was right, 10/10 will screen cap for future ylyl threads.
Hey guys I went outside today. It was definitely the best game I have ever played, the graphics were awesome and when I looked at the trees the leaves weren't flat. There was no lag. Suddenly I realized this was an MMO. I saw people walking around and driving vehicles. Nobody had weapons because the city levels don't allow weapons. Though some weapons were hidden around like a rock, stick or gun. This game was awesome, I might play tomorrow.
So the other day I was in class and I couldn't stop staring at this one chick's mouth. She's a really got chick who always wears a tank top and a small choker, and I've always got the big urge to shoot a load right between her little lips.
I start playing pocket pool. My leg istwitching. My knee is bouncing. I see from behind that she's crossingher legs and tapping her fingers.
Then she notices something.
Thenshe turns around - as if she could FEEL my eyes digging into that softskin of hers - dives under my table, and she bellows, "VENOM KILLSHARRY - VENOM KILLS SANDMAN - MARY JANE DIES."
Then I shoot a load right into her mouth, and she nods sagely as she solemnly intones, "IT IS DONE."
I'm getting sick of seeing this FILTH on the internet. I guess most of you liberals don't think this was a big deal - but pornography is DANGEROUS. I'm petrified by the fact that my son may find this site someday. I may never let him on the computer honestly.
Haven't you ever wondered why so many kids are molested everyday? Why?! Because of how corrupted our society is over sex. In nature we crave more and more of something..so a guy that keeps fueling his sexual desires ends up making himself into this disgusting, sex craving, perve who preys on children because they are "the easiest prey".
I remember a special program that visited my school. In it showed a couple of testimonies from convicted rapists and child molesters in prisons. They all said that their addictions started somewhere - with pornography and admitted that their crimes would have been less likely to take place if they didn't start their addiction with porn. They kept fueling their sexual desires. Any human is programmed to where they want more and more of something. You have one potato chip you want 2..the cycle goes on. It's the same with porn. Do you really think guys who look at little kids just wake up one day and say "hey I want to look at underage porn!!" no. It starts somewhere. Think about it, guys.
This is not just a biblical issue! It's a common sense one!
You people need to do something about your addiction to explicit material. I'm not scared to say that PORN IS WRONG. I know too many people that are too scared to talk about issues like this - STOP BEING PANSIES AND LOG OFF! REAL MEN DON'T DO PORN!!!
And by the way - girls/guys do not have to be completely naked for it to be wrong to look at. If you go crazy seeing a girl in a swimsuit or a guy in trunks stop looking at them you crazy horndog. Have some respect and integrity!!
when i was sixteen, i was a whackjob so they put me in a young adult program. basically for crazy kids.
one of the guys there was named dan. i never really found out what was wrong with him- i figured he had schizophrenia or MPD, maybe even OCD. anyways, this kid loved to smell. i'm not talking about a little whiff here and there, he was smelling CONSTANTLY. he had a good sense of smell, too.
he'd say things like "i've smelled the dinosaurs before." "have you ever smelled the past?" and he'd be totally serious.
one time, he asked a nurse what time it was. she was a real bitch, and she just said "well what time do you THINK it is, DAN."
and he took a big whiff and was like "SMELLS LIKE 4:10." i'll remember that moment for the rest of my life.
slow claps* steps out of the shadows* Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material... But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme. And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :^). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive. See you on the boards...
I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.
"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.
"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.
Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.
God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.
I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.
I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.
I felt a sudden rush of excitement. Kayla’s gown had fallen back as her leg came up, exposing her limb all the way up to her panties. I knew in that moment that the rest of my life was going to be agony, that no other woman on Earth could fill my heart like my own, dear neighbor. I didn’t try to hide my emotions as I slowly ran my gaze up and down her leg. I held her foot and caressed her calf, then took the anklet from her hand. Kayla seemed a little surprised at my actions, but I was lost. I was consumed by desire. I fastened the jewelry around her delicate ankle, then caressed her leg again.
I kissed the top of her foot, stroked her leg, and Kayla did not protest or try to pull away. When I took her big toe in my mouth, she gasped. I held her foot up and licked her sole, making her moan. Our eyes locked, and I could see the wantonness on her face. I licked my way over her foot and up her calf, her shin, to her knee. I was closer then, so I leaned to her face. Kayla’s eyes flickered closed as I pressed my lips to hers. She had such soft lips. Her tongue snaked out, and I took it into my mouth.
I put my hand on her breast, and she jumped. She pulled back a little. I expected protest and didn’t want to hear it. I shushed her, covering her mouth with my fingers, then kissing her again.
She let me press her back until she was laying on the floor and I was hovering over her. She reached for my zipper, but I hit her hand immediately. "Why are you doing this?" I yelled. "What do you think you're doing?!" She simply looked me in the eyes and said "I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause. I will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each pokemon to understand the power that's inside. Pokemon! Its you and me. I know its my destiny... Pokemon"
so last time i was "permanently" banned i used it to take a break from 4chan. this was only a month ago. eventually my power blinked and my router set itself to a new ip and im back. now here's this garbage thread with every 3rd poster explicitly saying they're molesting children and i get a permaban for saying 'i have seen a (clearly legal under current tests as non-sexual topless <1s flash of 12 year old chest of stupid celebrity)' bam, illegal content bye forever. not posting said image. not linking to it. not even vaguely describing how one might go about finding it. MENTIONING THAT IT EXISTS. fuck the mods. permaban me again. like unplugging my router and clearing cookies takes a fucking lot of effort
BAM! TO BEHOLD, A PUBLIC BULLETIN BOARD, BUILT OF BOTH BRILLIANCE AND BARBARITY BY BASTARDS WITH BONERS. THIS BASTION, NO MERE BULWARK OF BOREDOM, IS A BRUTAL BARRAGE OF BLISTERING BULLSHIT, BARELY BENEVOLENT... BUT BEHIND THE BIGOTRY AND BOOBS, BEYOND THE BITTER BROADCASTS OF BRAGGING BUFFOONS: HERE BE THE BODY POLITIC. A BROTHERHOOD OF BLASPHEMY, BLESSED WITH MORE BALLS THAN BRAINS, BATTLING THE BLAND, THE BOGUS, THE BENIGN. BEDLAM? BRING IT ON. BUT I BABBLE... BETTER TO BE BRIEF. YOU MAY CALL ME /B/.
OK /b/, so I'm married and i have 2 girls, 3 and 5 years old.
My favourite time of the day is bath time (which i rarely miss) where me and the girls bathe together. My wife prefers to shower or when she does bath, she does so alone with a book. Anyway...at bath time, i sit each girl one on each leg and lather them up, rinse them etc. Naturally i get an erection (i'm a guy, i can't help these things) and most days the girl's have a curiosity about my cock (seeing it go from flacid to sticking up and hard) and so i let them play with it, tug it, squeeze it etc. nothing i ask them to do, i just let them do what they like to my cock and it feels nice usually so...yea...
Anyway, my wife comes in (i've been bathing the girls since they were born, though their cock curiosity is recent..maybe last 3 months) yesterday and sees me erect and starts screaming and grabs the kids and gets them dressed, drives off. Turns out she's taken the kids to my mother's house and won't speak to me. my mom has been kind enough to relay shit to me, but basically: I'm a pedo because i had an erection in the bathtub (and i explained that i'm a guy, i can't control these things) but she was all "it's not right to expose the girls to an erect penis at their age" and i'm all wtf.
she's trying to get the police involved and claiming i'm a pedo and unfit etc. she didn't even see the girls touching my penis, she just saw that i was hard. now she's took my kids, i think i'm gonna get divorced and possibly branded a child molester (grown man naked and erect with little girls sounds bad right? fuck...)
Worst thing is, she's gonna be asking the girls about bath time, and if they say they were playing with my winkie (what they call it) i'll be more fucked, and she'll tell them that it's "disgusting and wrong" so they'll grow up thinking they were ABUSED by me.
Worst day of my life. I am seriously considering suicide.
I just raped my cousin. My cousin is a cute girl. She's 12, with blonde hair, a nice petite (yet not too petite, she's got curves in all the right places) frame and pretty blue eyes. She's a sweet little loli, which made it even more great to pentrate her.It started off with us playing Super Monkey Ball. She wasn't very good at it, but I was a master. She was having trouble getting past level 2. So I told her to come over here. She sat on my lap as we both grasped the controller. My boner was rising. I helped her beat it, and she kissed me on the cheek. My boner was about to jump out of my pants and do a clog dance in my ass. Since my arms were already around her, I continued in the capacity, and she settled in my lap as I began beating stage 17. Since you only need one hand to play monkey ball, I used my other to rub her leg. And as the stages went up and up, I inched my hand closer and closer towards her panties. As I began lifting up her skirt, she became uncomfortable. She tried to push my hand back, but I kept on rubbing her vagina through her panties. "What are you doing?" she asked. I covered her mouth. "I'm going to have some fun with you, little miss," I replied back. I pushed her up against a dresser. I lifted up her skirt, than pulled her panties aside and began fucking her. She began crying. "No, stop, you asshole, stop!" I just kept on pumping harder. She kept on crying harder as I ripped her hymen like a dog eating a piece of meat. Then suddenly, "Yes, yes!" she screamed. She was aroused, she liked it. Alright! This means i'm scott free. I began fucking her as hard as possible. "YES, YES! OH GOD, YES!" she cried. "I LOVE IT!" she screamed. My sperm came closer to being released inside her... Closer... Closer... Closer... "THAT SMELL IS AMAZING!" she screamed.
I stopped. "What?" I asked her. Suddenly a fat nigger popped out behind the couch.
I believe my true self is that of a 1978 Honda Civic. That is who I truly am on the inside, my soul-being. To express this aspect of my personality I draw pictures of myself as an anthropomorphic 1978 Honda Civic and share them with others of my kind. My girlfriend is an 1975 AMC Gremlin, and we are soul-mates. Automobile soul-mates. I communicate with others of my kind mostly through the internet, but sometimes we attend conventions. People persecute us for our true selves. My neighbor threatened to call the cops on me just for talking to his Escort. I'm not even into Fords, but that's besides the point. Just because I AM a car doesn't mean I'm going to have relations with just every car I see. It's not about the sex, though there is a 1955 Chevy Bel-Air I will never forget. You never forget your first. But I'm sick of people saying I'm perverted and wrong, and that I'm not really a car I'm just crazy. They don't understand, I have just as much right to the road as they do. Those assholes at the DMV are the worst, but I'd rather not talk about that ugly incident of carsecution. I have a good mechanic, though. You've never lived until you've had this guy change your oil. It doesn't make me gay, because I'm a Honda, not really a person. Your morality doesn't apply to me. I am a car. Beep beep, mother fucker. Deal with it.
>>699433566 Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
Other posters - while I apologize for the use of profanities and the nature of my post I do not apologize for aiming it at this piece of shit who does nothing on this thread but wind people up and is the most disrespectful arsehole I have ever encountered on any thread. One or two posts I think I could live with but the fucking diarrhea that spouts from his dickheads mouth is constant. Behaving like this and posting like this is absolutely disgraceful and I for one am fuckin fuming that this wanker is still here and allowed to post such shit
Because everyone on 4chan trys to be edgy because they are all fat fucking loosers that will never know what it feels like to be loved so they try to act like edgy 15 year olds. Any idea how many atheists I've met who think they're intelligent just because they're atheists? You're not intelligent. You're a fedora-wearing euphoric little idiot who looked on r/atheism one day and said "wao im one uf thos" and now thinks he's fucking smart. Anyone who claims to be intelligent and uses grandiose words like "gilded in the golden crest of knowledge" to describe how fukn smart omg they are automatically appears less intelligent than an average person. Go fuck yourself you stupid fedora Only time will show you what piece of shit you are. No shitposting, no insult. No. That's what you're asking for. One day you will realise it yourself. All those moments being a troll. It's not worth it. Maybe you will laugh about this comment. But I promise, one day you will realise it. You are worthless.why you guys think its cool to be edgy while most of you are like 20+ and could be doing something or at least fucking actually posting something funny and not, absolutely horrific is beyond me. I rarely visit here anymore because there is just no point. Its so full of Pedophiles and border line Weeb pedophiles along with faggots trying to be edgy by laughing at a woman dying horribly infront of her husband, wait until its you and thats the one person you love, wait until its you. All the attempts at trying to gain acceptance from 50 year old males with dirty shirts in there moms basement through 4chan will suddenly be meaningless when its someone you loves head smashed in. I harbor only good will towards all of you that you will move on with your lifes and leave this decaying corpse of a site.
Write here, in 18 U.S. Code § 875 it says this. "Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication containing any threat to kidnap any person or any threat to injure the person of another, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both". Did you hear that? Imprisoned. You've broken the law, ruined my night and now your life will be ruined.
Hope you enjoy prison you fucking ass, because trust me, I WILL have you reported and justice WILL be served.
Damn you, /b/. I fucking hate you. I've been noticing how you've been fucking with my head, making me see memes everywhere, and now it cost me my job.
I used to work at a pizza joint called Papa Gino's, which is a chain here in New England. Today, two guys came in, and they were very obviously a couple. Never in my life have I seen people this blatantly gay. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bleeding heart liberal hippie treehugger commie bastard, and I'm even bisexual myself, but DAMN these two were gay. Everything was going fine, right up until I served them their food. Instead of the usual "enjoy your meal" bit that I usually say, /b/ seized control of my brain.
"There you are, guys. Enjoy your AIDS." As soon as that A passed my lips, alarm bells went nuts in my head. But it was too late. I didn't realize what I had just done until I had finished speaking. The two guys just stared at me in shock for a momment, and I went pale. I knew that my days of free pizza and all the Mountain Dew I could drink were over in that one instant.
The two dudes go DIPSHIT. My manager comes over, and there's screaming about hate crimes, bigotry, lawsuits, and one of them even stood up and threatened to beat the shit out of me. We got into a fight, and my manager got scared, and said youre moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air.
I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!"
I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
My first sexual experience was when i was in 11th grade. I went out with this chick a couple of tiems and things were going good, then she came with my to my prom. After what was a fun night, we went to the after party, we got a little drunk and both went to go to sleep, I had a sudden urge of courage and slippped my hand down the front of her pants. She didn't resist, so i kept going, eventually she started breathing heavily, and making little sounds.
I didn't know what I was doing so i just kept going. Her breathing got heavier. She was getting really wet and the noises were getting louder. I was really nervous because we were in the lounge room and there were other people sleeping all around of us. There were about 8 people in the room including us, and i was scared someone was oging to wwake up and catch us.
I kept going anyway and her pussy got wetter and wetter. Her breathing got more rapid and i could see she was straining not to make too much noise.
She was almost about to cum when i felt sometime wierd in her vagina... it was automatic... it was systematic... it was hydromatic... WHY ITS A GREASE LIGHTNING
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrell quads oh yeah (Keep talking woah keep talking)
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads oh yeah (Keep talking whoa keep talking) A fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods oh yeah (I'll get the money I'll kill to get the money) With a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door You know that ain't no shit we'll be getting lots of tit In Grease Lightning Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile (Grease lightning go grease lightning) Go grease lightning you're coasting through the heat lap trial You are supreme the chicks'll cream for grease lightning Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
When I was about nine, I had recently gotten a Nintendo Entertainment System from a garage sale down the road, the first gaming system I ever had. One game that I bought was Super Mario Brothers 3, the final chapter of the widely-acclaimed SMB trilogy, which like in the original Super Mario Brothers consisted of Mario/Luigi chasing after Princess Toadstool (whose name has since been bastardized to 'Peach'). Back on topic though; so I had advanced to World 2, "Desert Land" and I was moving along rather smoothly, in the back of my mind knowing that at some point the levels would start to get more difficult; I soon noticed a tile, one unlike the other tiles (Toad houses, numbered tiles, etc). It appeared to be some cross-hybrid of flowing diarrhea and sand, which caught my attention. I navigated my way to the tile, and hit the A button and was warped to what appeared to be a normal level; there even was a happy sunshine in the top left corner! As I side-scrolled my way through the level, the fucking sun decided to go apeshit and sodomize me repeatedly until I finally broke down in tears, throwing my controller at the ground screaming for my mom. That fucking bastard.
Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another.. human pussy again. But FUCK human pussy! I fuck dead pigs. You'll read all about it in heartburn how I fuck them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds!
I couldn't get no twat from serenity back then. She only wanted dildos in her pussy twat. Big phony bologna dicks. But now she wants this real cock. Come here serenity lets show these assholes how we fuck. Lets show these assholes how we fuck. My sweet sweet serenity.
Fuck an umbilical cord out of your phony asshole, and I'll hang a pig with it, while I impregnate you with my 80 year old pork rind dick. You'll give birth to a dead pig and we'll cut him into pork rinds.
All in pork rinds of god. In a land that speaks only with its eyes. No language, no dildos, no fucking laws! Where the whores can't sell their pussy. Or use their twats to gold dig. A land where us warriors run free with our big dicks out, and our fucking hair wild.
Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Salt their dead skin and put em in plastic bags. Fuck you, you fucking, farting robots. Suck my dead pig. Suck my dead pig!
The male is completely egocentric, trapped inside himself, incapable of empathizing or identifying with others, or love, friendship, affection of tenderness. He is a completely isolated unit, incapable of rapport with anyone. His responses are entirely visceral, not cerebral; his intelligence is a mere tool in the services of his drives and needs; he is incapable of mental passion, mental interaction; he can't relate to anything other than his own physical sensations. He is a half-dead, unresponsive lump, incapable of giving or receiving pleasure or happiness; consequently, he is at best an utter bore, an inoffensive blob, since only those capable of absorption in others can be charming. He is trapped in a twilight zone halfway between humans and apes, and is far worse off than the apes because, unlike the apes, he is capable of a large array of negative feelings -- hate, jealousy, contempt, disgust, guilt, shame, doubt -- and moreover, he is aware of what he is and what he isn't.
I need advice /b/. I got home from work early tonight, about an hour and a half, and I see the t.v. on in the front room. I figure my wife is still up watching, so I decide to see if I can scare her by opening the door quickly. As I get to the door, I listen so I can catch her in a quiet spot in her show so as to scare her as much as possible. When I do, I hear her moaning loudly, which she only does right before she cums. It sounds like she is listening to adult swim, so I think it's a little weird, but I am ready to pop in and help her finish the job anyway, because just hearing her has given me an enormous boner. I turn the knob quickly and see her face down in my couch with a HUGE cock in her pussy. My chocolate lab's HUGE cock. He sees me, and turns around to try and meet me at the door, but he gets stuck, and he is just sitting ass to ass with my wife with his cock completely backwards for a few seconds. He has socks on his front paws for some reason, and he can't get traction for a few seconds. My wife is yelling from the couch that he's hurting her, and he finally gets the socks off and finds some footing. He drags her halfway off the couch and pops out of her and I swear what looks like a gallon of dog cum squirts out of her. He runs over to me, and by now my wife sees me and freaks out. All I can do is yell "What the FUCK?" I grabbed my bottle of vodka and some sprite and just went to my computer room and shut the door. She was pounding on the door for a few minutes, then she went into the bedroom and was in there crying for a while. This is my wife, and she is really an incredible woman, but seriously, what the hell do I do now?
9th grade: My first sexual experience that actually involved nudity. While we're fondling each other, she asks me if I like Diet Coke.
Me: It's allright. Girl: Well, I LOVE it. How 'bout you go get me a bottle of it?
I go downstairs and grab a 20 ounce bottle from the fridge. When I return, she says it's too cold.
Girl: How 'bout warming it up...by rubbing it on my tits?
So I began to rub her vigorously with the bottle. Soon enough, she asks me to shove it inside of her. She really enjoys it, and so do I because I KNOW that, with this girl, I'm definantly going to get off. That's when it gets crazy.
She rips out the bottle, opens it, and begins filling her vagina with Diet Coke. I swear, she nearly empties the volume into her vagina. I had seriously underestimated this vagina's liquid retention volume.
Girl: YOU LIKE DIET COKE?!?!?!? OH YEAH OH YEAH DRINK IT FROM ME!
I was noticebly freaked me, but I did want to get off, and I didn't want my first load-blow to be into 18.7 fluid ounces of a 0-calorie beverage. I began to go down on her, until she said the exact wrong thing.
Girl: OH YEAH, DRINK IT FROM ME! I'M THE KOOL-AID MAN! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!
I don't know how she did it with 16-year-old voice, but she sounded exactly like the Kool-Aid man from the commercials. I glanced at the wall, half-expecting him to burst through and over me a fruity beverage. I was extremely turned-off. She could tell, too. As she sat up to see what was wrong, she twisted her body in such a way that Diet Coke shot out of her vagina and all over my face, chest, and groin. And it was at that sticky, low-calorie moment that my parents chose to pull into the driveway.
Hey /b/, I just thought I'd get this off my chest... I'd thought i'd tell you guys first to see how you'd take it.
Okay, where do i begin? I guess it started out when I there was a storm. It was really bad storm too. So
bad my sister wanted to sleep in my room since my parents were gone. I let her sleep in my bed as i slept
the floor. We did get through the night, but some of the windows were damaged, as my little sis told me.
"C.J. the window broke, come and see!", so I went to go see, and damn did i get the biggest boner i have ever had. The storm had apparrently damaged the window, but it had also scraped the paint. The paint, oh my god the paint, i can't believe it turned me on like that, but it did. I immediately told my little sis to go to her room, even though she cried about it, because the "glass shards would cut her feet." Huge lie. All i wanted was some amazing sex with that broken window and the little pieces of green paint on it. I took the window to the bathroom and began to rub myself on it. I came like i have never come before. I spent a total of 5 hours in that bathroom, doing that window over and over and over again. Cum was splattered all over it, and that made it even better. But that was just the beginning, I began to break my neighbor's windows while they were out just so i could take them home and fuck with them. Oh my god, one time I found this amazingly beautiful wooden casement window with amazing woodwork, if i could have married that window, i would have. But sadly, due to society's unaccepting ways, i've been forced to keep my darling window and their amazingly chipped paint in one of my dad's warehouse, he doesn't know what i do with the windows, i think he thinks i might love their architecture (and i do!)
Well /b/, that's my secret my fetish, I hope you can fucking take it.
I used to be absolutely disgusted by dickgirls. For years I would deliberately skip saving pages from doujinshi I found if it had one in it. More recently though, I've accepted that there is futanari art that turns me on. I don't feel compelled to seek out pictures of real-life shemales; it's just one of those things, like piss-drinking and genital piercings, that anime makes arousing even though you'd never go for it in real life. I think it's a combination of three things:
1) Attaching a PENIS to a girl causes her to become sexually aggressive. She can't stop touching herself or trying to have sex with every girl, boy or other dickgirl she sees. An erection means "I'm horny, I want to have sex." When you see a girl gazing at you with a hard on, you know she wants you. Normal girls, it isn't always that obvious (a wet pussy is hard to see through clothes for example).
2) Seeing a dickgirl ejaculate is like how you wince when you see someone else get kicked in the nuts; it's a sympathetic reaction, like psychosomatic or something. Beautiful girls and ejaculating are high on most guys' lists of favorite things; dickgirls put them together in a simple package.
3) A dickgirl's dick is just another toy for you to play with. I'd treat it like an extra breast or a really big clit, something that will make her feel good when you touch her, and a hell of a lot more user friendly than a teeny tiny little knob at the top of her crotch.
4) After four years of nothing but 'normal' hentai (and some real life sex), I'm jaded by hentai. I need something a little kinkier to get me interested, and this fits the bill nicely without getting too fucked up like scat or mutilation or sensory deprivation.
Hello /b/. I am a 35 year old married man, and a father of 2 teenagers. Well, let's just say I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Recently I've realized that both of my children are being bf and gf to each other. My 15 year old daughter has been acting very clingy towards her brother, and my 17 year old son has been fiercely protective of his sister. They've even insisted on sleeping in the same room, in the same bed and in addition I suspect my son has gotten his own sister pregnant because she's been feeling sick in the morning and having odd cravings. Earlier today my son had gotten into a fight at school over some guys who were apparently checking out his sister. I had to excuse myself from an important meeting at work to have a parent teacher conference about his fight. Right now they're in their room with their door closed doing God knows what. I know this isn't a good place to ask for advice, but I just need to release some stress I've been having.
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