>>696388011 nice dubs >I either need a really lucrative job or an amazing woman who loves me no you don't first tell me whats wrong with your life because if you dont know the problem you cant solve it
second you have something in life that you like i know it everyone have something
I've fallen in love with a German girl. I'm no longer in germany and I don't think she even likes me back. I don't know if messaging her and confessing would he worth it or if the relationship will ever be worth the effort, because the distance is so far.
>be me >orphan >raised by alcoholic and abusive foster parents >grow up abused and witnessing violence in family >get diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder >attempt suicide 2 times >gets hospitalize and I have to take 5 different medication, nothing for anxiety >i can't leave the house without having a full blown panic attack >cry every night to sleep >i caught first bf cheating on me >second one beat me up then left me, it's been 2 years and I still cry thinking of him and I'm not recovered yet >he immediately get a new boyfriend, I was shocked and disgusted, I still am. >nobody to date >i only wish to have a boyfriend to love and cherish for life >drop out of college >get a little fat, no more qt twink >come out as fag to mom >she threatens to kick me out of the house >nobody to love and take care of me >i cry everywhere due to intense emotional pain and i tell other people that I'm okay >i hate myself for allowing me to live till this point because the emotional suffering is so intense >i don't care about my family since it's their fault >i hope i rot in hell
I consider suicide daily, you /b/ros is all I have and I post this in every feels thread :(
>grow up abused and witnessing violence in family sorry to hear that
>gets hospitalize and I have to take 5 different medication, nothing for anxiety same
>i can't leave the house without having a full blown panic attack did you try to do small steps? even if its a 5 min walk outside?
>nobody to date first how old are you?
>she threatens to kick me out of the house its not your fault she is a fucking bitch
>i cry everywhere due to intense emotional pain and i tell other people that I'm okay please never hide your emotion try to find some in rl who you can talk to if you dont have anyone we can talk in private
>i hope i rot in hell im not i really hope the best in your future and i dont even know you why? because i was the nearly the same like you i was depressed no friends no gf tried to kill myself ...
then one person helped me he give me one thing that i wish everyone a thing that you can never get back if you lose it a life
you will be alright /b/ro
>>696389455 sorry to hear that if you want to talk im here
>>696390993 no sorry im fucked up i hurt a lot of people even the only one i would call a friend fuck it was my soulmate now im fucking drunk and doing nothing i only do this to help myself even if its not working at all
I have crippling social anxiety and im feel like im too far along in my life (22 years) to come out with it to anyone without being made a fool of. Ill be honest, i have a few people im okay talking to but whenever im a situation with someone im not familiar with i just choke up so bad and make the situation awkward. This unforutantely has led to me never really being loved by anyone with just makes me so sad. I just dont know what to do. Every opportunity i have to make a friendship just gets thrown down the drain.
>>696391940 Easier, not easy. Writing that paragraph was difficult enough not to mention the fact it felt like i spent 3 hours doing it. Just millions of thoughts running though my head at all moments.
>>696391588 try to do small steps to talk to strangers even if its a hello or thank you and do more from day to day
>22 years thats not old trust me things can get better
>someone im not familiar can you talk to someone else? family professional
>>696391779 > asking for forgiveness its not only for him ive done some bad shit not murder but for them it hurt like this
its too late you cant always ask for forgivness i have to live with this and thing like "help" people on 4chan are one thing that help me not to kill myself and think about other thinkgs than my problems
>>696389196 Sorry to hear that man. I'm way over in the US but maybe it'd help to hear a bit about me. I grew up and came to hate life, be cynical, depressed, and feel terrible and alone every day. It took me years to stop being depressed and feel... normal again. Normal being able to have some enjoyment and not revert back to ass again. To smile and have better thoughts. I've become increasingly successful since then.
It's"hard" is an understatement. For your foster parents, your only semblance of guardians and family for you to look up to be so judgemental and abandon you... I can only imagine what the struggle is like. There are those of us who care. Even though I'm not physically there for you, I hope this helps alleviate even a shred of your suffering and burden. I really hope sooner than later things turn around and you get to experience happiness and companionship. Stay strong anon.
>>696392607 I have the thoughts thing too,but I think I'm kind of dead inside,I don't really feel anything about horrible and emotional things that are going through there. Tell you what,each time you meet a new person,you are anonymous for them,and the only one who can make you someone to them is you. Hence-you decide what you are. If that's what you are panicing over then you have no reason to. Because afterwards you learn their opinion doesn't matter as long as they don't matter to you.
Underage faggot here, I've seen too much to go back now so telling me to do so is useless.
Right now I don't know what I'm doing in my life, I have no direction and I don't know what I even want to make myself happy. Is it peace? A girlfriend? A distraction? Am I just being dumbass posting some irrelevant shit on a thread like /b/? I don't have any suicidal thoughts or tendencies but I'm really lost on what I want to achieve in my life, I just want a good job that I like to where I can make some cash and stabilize my future. Yet I don't know if that'll fill the emptiness I feel, do I need friends instead? I'm not sure about that either, just like with a girlfriend. Yet I have a girlfriend at the moment but now it's a long distance type of thing, and I've lost all these feeling I had for her. So I'm back to where I was before, I apologize if I'm posting some really cringey shit but I needed to get this off my chest for a while since my family wouldn't understand how I feel.
>>696393602 Mate,I have a few questions if you want to answer them, What's your family's financial status? How old are you exactly? (Mods don't do shit anyway) And do you have any friends to begin with?
>>696393675 i dont want to tell everything but here are some things only short greentext because im fucking drunk ask for more informaton if you want
>hurt my mom till she try to suicide (never heal from that)
>tried to kill my dad
>lost my only friend because i often lie to her and make my problems her problems and some more shit i dont want to tell
>lost my friends because im manipulative as fuck
>hurt my only few gf's because i was drunk or just stupid
>>696393908 > talking to people is always such a mental struggle i know this start with this >buy a coffee and say thank you >ask your neigbhours for moething doesnt matter what >go into a sho and ask for something and ask why this small steps it helped for me
>I dont have money to go in my country its for free where do you live?
sorry for late answer im drunk and really want to think about what i write
>>696393571 It shouldn't matter to me you right, but after a awkward situation my mind just eats at me. I still think about things i could of done differently 5 years ago to make specific situations less hurtful.
Ill come across someone every now and then that i want to mean something to me, even if there isnt a good enough of a reason for it. but im at such a deep point in it that im just so locked up around anything of that nature.
Thank you for everyones help but im gonna take a nap now. I love all of you, its nice to be able to actually get words out sometimes even if it is through the net
>>696393602 >I don't know what I'm doing in my life, I have no direction
How are you doing in school? Aren't you interested in something you learn there? Hear me out. Study hard by trying to understand the stuff being told to you by your teachers and maybe some day, you will find the beauty of something like Physics, Mathematics, Astronomy, Art.
Pick up a hobby! Maybe an instrument or try learning about something you don't know anything of. I have been playing the piano for most of my life and when I was at your age I got interested in Software Security and Computer Networking. Just give it a go, it'll help you in life
Next year I'm going to be in two "Pre-AP" classes and my endorsement will focus in engineering, yet I'm not sure if this is what I want to do for a living but I'll surely find out once the school year starts again.
>>696396451 I have alot of reasons to be depressed... Recently made a girl self-harm and I have incredible guilt over it, I don't have many friends, and I still miss my ex even though it's been almost 6 months..
But at this very moment I am depressed because I am reading all of your life-stories and realizing that most of you have a much tougher life than me, and I don't want that. Even though I sound like a complete faggot right now, /b/ means so much to me, and I only want the best for all of you anons out there. Cheers.
>>696387381 One of my band bros died a year ago. Visited him in the hospital and he wanted one last jam. We went home to get our instruments and brought them to the hospital. We got there but we didnt play...
>>696398396 Its really sad to look at cartoons drawings like this, drawings of a tv-show you used to watch. It makes me feel like the Courage is dead, and that ill never see him again, but somehow i still think of a great childhood the show gave me. It makes me miss the young days
Literally shit at everything, everything I touch breaks Nobody wants to employ me for any prolonged duration
Everybody ostracizes me because they think I'm too good for them (where do they get this idea? Just because I'm an arrogant bastard who pushes everyone away doesn't mean I'm better than them) I ostracize myself because I think I'm too shitty for anyone Permanently alone, not willing to change Stuck up like this for years
I hate people, especially myself Why won't I just die? I never deserved to be alive in the first place
Please, cosmic justice - let me die I ruined enough already
Even with this post I bring nothing but pain and sadness Just ignore me please, reply to someone that could actually use your help
>>696399091 I made her self-harm by breaking up with her. I just didn't love her anymore, and she got depressed because of that, which I understand, I know how it feels.
The one friend I do have means the world to me. He is like the brother I never had, and without him I probably wouldn't be here today.
I can only think good things about my ex, and I really do miss her. I have been trying to look for other girls, but I still think about her. Hopefully, with time, I will slowly start to forget her. Also, I am only 16 years old, so I guess I am an underagefag, and that's probably also one of the reasons I'm such an emotional mess.
Anyways, I wanna thank you personally for talking to me and all the other anons, and helping out. I appreciate the help and wish u the best.
I'm gonna try to get some sleep now though, have a good night /b/
>>696389196 dude i had a terrible childhood. i mean like my mom was in a cult bad childhood. i could tell you how fucked up my life was but seriously stop blaming everyone else. it is your fault you made no step forward yesterday or now.
>>696402550 You really HAVE to disappoint everyone around you, huh? One time where you could actually be of help to someone.. and you fuck me so hard.. Now I too hope you fucking get raped by niggers and end up torn apart in a dumpster, asshole
>>696402352 Well, I won't post it here for sure. It's like 40 pages, written using Times New Roman 12, so it's pretty long. And it's not in english.
But well, who knows, maybe I'm better in writing than I think and one day it will become popular? If you want to, just try to remember a word "Tudan". It's name of main character. Then, if you ever find anything about it in some future, then you will know, that I succeeded.
>>696390686 It is okay, for the most part I am over it, it is just how my mum sometimes talks about him. It fills me with regret because I resented him for a lot of his life due to the fact he was heavily disabled.
>>696405365 I would rather say something like - we are not ready to live, but we are not ready to die also. And about our characters - we are not brave enough to grant ourselves happy lives, but also we are not brave enough to end our lives.
>>696393602 Honestly im the same as this guy , although around 16 this year, if I get banned fuck it its worth it.
Along with this guy I have literal no direction in life , no motivation , no purpose, sounds like im being an edgy faggot but the only thing I enjoy as a distraction is games which I play constantly. Im pretty much useless , massive underachiever at high school , Predicted A's achieving barely C's. Had a gf which fucked me over big time , already had small cases of anxiety and depression which my gf who cheated on me with my best mate and another really made shit tons worse.
Live in a poor family alone with my mother , just over minimal wage.
Im a waste of space /b/ , I just drain money and do nothing because theres nothing I enjoy or nothing to motivate me.
Im stuck /b/ , Why the fuck do I even continue? Before you ask I do have a family which care about me and friends , which is the only upside I have , and is the only reason I havent left yet , because I dont want to be selfish and hurt so many other people. I just think when I grow up theres not going to be that there , especially at the rate my life is going.
Today i realised how depressing my fathers life is. >be Father >born in Australia >sold to some Danish folks >mother couldnt "afford him" >truth is his father didnt want him >Lived with Danish parents >they got divorced >he moved to Denmark >No friends, all in Australia >18 >got kicked out of his house >Got in a car crash >Car crashed in the harbor >his best friend died >years later he met my mom >they both traveled to Australia with me >he met his old childhood friends and all was a great time >He met his father >they talked a bit >His father left after an hour >they havent spoke ever since >his father still doesnt want to be in contact with him >mom and dad were together for 30 years >my mom dies of cancer >Now hes alone with me and my 2nd brother >3rd sibling is living on his own >Youngest brother is an ignorant fuck >im the only one that shares time with him >Father has a weak immune system >often sick >today we talked about mom >he told me about the times they met >1 hour later "im going for a walk" >he went to my mothers grave >Got so depressed when i found out of this
>have first love >talk to her for 6 months trying to make sure everyone is ready for a relationship >she makes you feel complete >listens to your problems >doesn't judge you for our problems >you trust her more then anyone else >makes you feel good about yourself >finally I ask her out >after one week breaks up with you >she tells you she still likes you a lot >after a week tells you she lied >find out she's talking to 8 guys >tells you that she doesn't want to keep your snap streak >agrees because you want to make her happy >after one day of no talking won't answer anything >still talks to one of your bestfriends >find out the guy she likes has been talking to since before you were dating >then she acts like you never mattered to her
>>696392796 Damn this reminds me, when I was like 6 or 7 I drew a Golem in school. It was in a similar pose to that one, and the teacher said what is that, you can't even see the face of the character, drew something else. Fuck you bitch, you probably playing pokemon GO now.
listen up niggers, i love all of you. life is all about sufferring, that's just how cards get dealt. it's what you learn from that sufferring that helps you grow. that's why buddhists hold the lotus flower so dearly; it grows from mud and blossoms into something beautiful. (im not buddhist but a close buddy of mine is)
>>696406752 But somehow he still comes home, with a smile even though if he had has a bad day. Asks us how things are, if we experienced anything so on so forth. How he does it, stay happy like that, is beyond me. It makes me so sad to see him alone, im sometimes afraid to leave the house, because im afraid he will be lonely. I just want him to find someone else, he has had girlfriends before but they didnt work out for him.
>>696406410 refer to >>696397633 Drama, friends and gf get in the way of success, try avoiding but keep in touch with people who you trust, be friendly and nice to them and I hope you do good. Take care brother.
I guess I'm still not sure about what to do with my life. Grew up homeschooled and I hated it, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a fedora wearer but I'm a smart guy and only being around my idiot brothers and fighting parents sucked. No clubs, no networking, no scholarships, etc. Not only that but I'm a huge freakin nerd, I'd have loved to have some buddies to watch anime and go to cons with or even try out theater. But no, mom would freak out and cry about how much I hate her when I would bring it up.
So now I'm 21 and about to start nursing school. I work in a hospital as a CNA and I should be super happy but man, I still feel a total emptiness inside like I know how much better things could have been. Mom still doesn't really accept how much she fucked up but that's because she is a fuck up.
Now all I have left is playing Persona 4 and knowing that real life is nothing like that but it's a hell of a dream compared to what I had. Fuck you mom
I want to go back to myself when I was a child and tell him
"don't worry little dude. I know no one loves you now, I know your only friend are electronics, I know the only warm blooded thing you could hug for comfort got hit by a car because you left the gate open on your birthday and he got out and you blame yourself, I know all the kids are mean to you, I know you're alone whereever you go, I know men think you're weird because you're sensitive even though you're big, I know all the women treat you like a tool because you are a guy, I know everyone seems to everything for everyone else yet you get left out, I know everyone shames you, I know you cry when no one is looking constantly, I know you're in so much pain that you hurt phyiscally and when you try to tell someone, even your mom, you're told to "man up" even though when the women say that they instantly get treatment, medicine, therapy. I know all of these things my younger self. But if you can ever find it in your soul to listen to one person ,let it be me.
You will be in pain for many years. Nothing will change until your mid twenties. Then you will learn that you can love yourself enough to get out of this pain. You can let go of all the things that hurt you for so long. You will become a person who strangers love to meet. You will grow up to be someone you are proud of. You will get away from all of this. Why? Because even if anyone you know doesn't love you, you can still love you.
I love you little buddy, and I cry because I know you cry. I hurt because you hurt. I am sorry I couldn't make it stop when we were younger, but I've done it now.
Also I had a really good friend, we'll call her J. J totally loved me and I knew it but I was gonna move and would have felt bad getting close cause I knew it wouldn't work out. So I moved and over the next couple years we kept in touch, joking about my increasing number of pet cats and her math major, stuff like that. She always wanted me to come down to this thing or that thing but I couldn't, either for time reason or because I simply couldn't bring myself to face her again after knowing how much my life crumbled.
So eventually I did go down to visit and she was so so happy. We had a great lunch and caught up and stuff, promised to take her out to my favorite place down in that area next time I was around. This was around last Christmas. So the months pass and in April I think, "Man, haven't seen anything from J in awhile, wonder how she is."
She blocked me on FB, Twitter, and Instagram, as well as my phone number. I don't get it man. Nothing autistic happened when we caught up, and I really freakin miss her. I wish I told her the truth about why I came up here. I said it was for a grant I could get because my dad is a disabled military vet but really it was because I found out my bio dad wasn't the dad that raised me and it fuckin crushed me, I went years in total agony and slowly seperated from everyone I knew. My bio dad lives in the area I'm in now and I felt I'd never come to peace if I didn't come here. Maybe if she knew she would understand why I couldn't visit again until I felt better.
But seriously, J was one of the smartest and most mature girls I've ever met, I can't imagine why she'd just go cut all contact with me. It's just crazy. There has to be a reason and I have to find out why.
>be me currently >19 years old >have rich, conservative parents >live in nice house, decent sized city, Midwest >they hate alcohol, especially my father >he watched his brother die from alcoholism >my mom almost divorced him because of alcoholism >watched my dad cry for the first time, when this happened
very stringent parents, you get the idea
>going to uni for chemical engineering >first year done I'm already a junior with 4.0 >parents paying for EVERYTHING for 4 years >only things they dont fund is shit like my vidya >because of this they basically control my life >coercing me into doing stupid normie shit I know I should already be doing >always resist because I'm a selfish fuck >social anxiety >always feel alone >never feel any real emotion >only ever had one gf, she left me months in for no reason
I don't really know what to do My only real goal is get good job after uni so I can actually do as I please when financially independent I know I'm not entitled to anything in this world, but I have no direction No purpose All I want is to find a passion and someone to share my life with, but everyday I feel like thats not going to happen I know I'm pathetic, I've won the birth lottery and I'm bitching about it
>>696409055 Everyone seem to have the same problem You don't know what to do? GO FIND IT start working and save up some money and explore your parents will pay for everything else anyway,so you'll pay for this and it'll be your thing and not theirs so they can't control it Everything that might sound even slightly interesting just go and check it out
>>696396916 God that is horrible. I couldn't even imagine the crippling pain he must have felt. He just lost two parents. And then knowing ALL those years his father was loving and missing him and because of the fucking bull fucking shit fucking courts HURR PROTECT WOMEN he couldn't see his son.
>>696408692 Dont have one copied but i guess i have some experience myself >Be me >17 >just finished 10th grade >My dad died 2 years ago by the time >depressed af >crying errday >Summers ending and im starting college >Whole class seems like fucking plebs and hippies, mostly just some people attented the same school before college >fucking hate class already >but this one dude >this one dude is the ugliest motherfucker ive ever seen >pale, skinny, big nose, greasy hair, you know like macklemore but with x200 more wax, his hair looks like a bird nest >i didnt know what to think of him, he had a cool vintage style, but he is a ugly motherfucker. its unreal >As i sit in class, this kid, doesnt care with anything, never does homework or anything >One day teacher asks him if he did homework >goes on a rant about how he had to breastfeed his cat because the cat was fucking wasted >Realised hes a funny guy >Next day >he walks into class yelling "IM FUCKING DRUNK, WOOHOO" >im surprised, and amused, this dude is fucking hilarious >one day he turned to me, and suddenly just goes "yo, do you smoke" >we start talking about weed, smokes and such. Spend whole week, month and year with him >we start going to parties together, i meet his friends he meets mine >we bassicly became best friends within 1 month >Started drinking and having the time of my life with this dude >im way less depressed thanks to this ugly douchebag >he has taught me not to give a fuck about what anyone tells you and he helped gain back my confidence >this dude >this dude helped me so much and im so grateful, he doesnt even know. >i also dropped out of college because i got depressed again >but because of him i got back >hes a fucking douchebag, an idiot, ignorant fuck >but he is one of my best mates and im so grateful for having met him
>>696409557 >No jobs for it rn so I switched out lol. I currently have an internship for the summer because of father Pretty cash actually Get paid minimum wage to learn and do little to no real work
>>696409641 >Everything that might sound even slightly interesting just go and check it out Everything new just ends up giving me a shit ton of anxiety. I know I really should go do new things, but nothing really appeals to me. Its like I have this negative stigma towards everything I dont normally do for no apparent reason. I know it doesnt make any sense, but I dont know how else to explain it. I know I should, but I feel like i can't.
>>696394830 Enjoy your highschool years. Join clubs, which ever one.
Just enjoy the hell out of those 4 years because trust me, you will live the next years after that wishing you did more.
Do good in school and start looking for colleges. Don't follow your passion, but take it with you. You don't need to find that "one" to fall in love with now, just relax with that, it's Hollywood mentality.
Just enjoy your young life. Try to go to parties if you can. Drink alcohol but don't over due it. Smoke a little cannabis every now and then to relax (only if you are mentality able to handle it) and see the world from a different perspective.
And finally, work out. I cannot stress this enough. Pick up weights, ride a bike or go running. This is what I used to do when I was smoking; Smoke cannabis and ride bike. Take it slow with this one though.
Overall, just be smart of your surroundings. Chick your age want that tough asshole guy because their minds are set that way. Steer clear from them. Go for the average looking ones because they will make your pathetic excuse for a life worth living for.
I have yet to find that girl but only now do I regret my decisions.
I have no money no job and no family terrible depression and drug addiction. Live in a shithole and all I have to eat in my house is a bag of rice which I've opted out of so far because I'm so fucking sick of it. Fuck lonely God dammnit I need a fix and a meal, which I'll probably have to steal or panhandle for.
>be me >nearly 20yo >still alone >no love (I'm not even ugly..) >lost all friends >afraid of speaking with people and I cant trust other people or "friends" >dont know how to spend time with other people >spend whole day for draw, gaming, listen to music >tried to kill myself but I love my family >I'm sure in the future I cant take care for myself >I cant really sleep normal since years because if I go to bed I start to re-think my whole life and my future, start to cry >hate myself because in my view im a stupid piece of shit >if I try to make other people happy and I fail, inside I start to cry >sad every day >the girl I like loves a asshole that dosnt respect her in my opinion >I'm nearly every day awake till 7am because I dont know what to do at the day (expect work) >dont know how to change myself without losing my favorite things
>>696411662 We just happened to be going on a family vacation a week after my parents got into a big fight and it all came out. So my mom insisted that I meet him and that she come along too because that's perfectly reasonable I suppose. I wasn't really in a right state of mind at the time and just went along with it.
And it was alright. Every time after that I saw him was alright too. That's what hurt the most, he was a perfectly alright guy, my dad just didn't want him to get into the way of the marriage (understandable) so my parents decided to just lie to me (what the fuck guys).
But as the years went on I just felt worse and worse about the whole thing and I honestly believed that if I got to know him better I'd feel better. That was super retarded but hindsight is 20/20 I guess. I just wish I could talk to J again, she was a very dear friend. I just can't even imagine what the heck is going through her mind.
>>696412613 I can suggest 2 things 1.)Deal with the fact she'll probably never talk to you again,and if she will something horrible must have happened 2.)You know where she lives right? Go over her place and say you were around,remind her about what you said you'll do and let her explain what happened, I don't really know how much it will help but these are my options. (Maybe not good ones but options)
>>696412047 That may sound funny, but try going to the gym. I know you might be afraid at start, but funny thing is, there are actually really many nice people that will treat you good. By lifting you will have objective, you will learn to discipline yourself and it may cure your sadness to some degree. Many people from /fit/ are just like you. Many from these have changed for better, since they started working out. It won't change your live, but will help you to change it. You don't have anything to lose, right? So endure some pain during hardcore lifting. Feel that weight that will squeeze you down during squat. Feel that weight that will squeeze you down during bench press. Feel the pain and overwhelming power during lifting heavy weight that's called deadlift. As some anon said, perhaps the heaviest things we lift are not weights, but our feels. If that's true, then show us how much feels you carry.
>>696387381 I'll start this with saying that I probably shouldn't have been as prying as I was, and I deserve whatever knowledge I burdened myself with. A few years ago I was looking at my husband's email and found out he'd posted an ad in the casuals on Craigslist. It said something about them hosting, and using discretion because he was married. I was so hurt, I didn't even know how I was going to go to work and put on a smile. But after a few months I guess I blocked it out, and it all resurfaced a few days ago. He's deployed now, and somehow I know that he's been fucking around on his travels. I should be angry but I just feel defeated, I love him and I can't stop him from doing these things... So anons, I guess what I want to know is can a man love somebody, actually care for them, and still fuck around? He always explained to me that sex and emotion were seperated, and I guess I just don't get it. I feel like I'm so worthless, I'm not good at anything in this world in my mind and the way he acted only confirmed it. I wish I didn't remember any of this, I just want to die.
>>696412819 Ahaha, I appreciate the advice but that would be super creepy, don't you think? Besides, I don't want to dump some sob story on her, there's really no point now unless she asks.
If she doesn't wanna talk anymore then I can respect that. I sent her a message to her tutoring "business" page on FB and I know she read it and never responded, so I've left it at that. I desperately wish I understood how she went from being so excited to see me again to this, though. I like to think it's because she wants to move on and feels she has to do this but realistically she's probably angry at me or something. Man, I dunno.
Fuck my parents though, what the fuck guys there was no reason to fucking lie and do the fucking homeschool bullshit and the constantly fucking fighting and now the fucking messy divorce REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>696413040 Well, I can't take the first option yet, that's too sad for right now. As for the second, I don't know her address and she was leaving for a 12-week mission trip in New York right as I found out this and probably she isn't back yet. Maybe if I visit again this Christmas I'll pull a Scott Pilgrim and "accidently" run into her.
I made a really good friend two years ago. I loved him to death. We talked non stop, had so much in common, played video games together all the time. It was good times. Had a friendship group too. It only took less than a year for me and him to start fighting and hurting eachother until we were no longer friends. The friendship group was seperated as they had to do something else, move to another state, or whatever. Me and my friend hate eachother now for what happened between us, and it's something we can't forgive. Now at school we walk by eachother like neither of us exist. He still finds ways to try and hurt me. It kills me how it can come to this. He was the best friend I ever had, now I'm stuck with few people who don't care about me that much. He's moved on and I'm just angry all the time. Always angry or depressed.
>>696413310 Here's an idea,you're not going to like it. Most people never confront their spouses, ending up feeling depressed, Just do it. if you have a proof that he cheated just tell him you know,and tell him how it made you feel. If not... then I guess asking won't do it. But still tell him you always see sex and emotion connected and that if he'll fuck around it will crush you, I not really sure if that helps but that's basically all I can say. Most chances are I'm wrong in here somewhere
>>696413859 I don't know mate,it has a shit ton of crap in there,what's the deal with the last 2 minutes? just clashing sounds or something? Maybe it expresses emotional storm or something but for me it was kind of annoying
>searching through snapchat one day >find old contact my buddy added in a few years ago >check her stories >8/10 real qt >skinny, tall, dark hair, glasses >ideal woman >hit her up, we start chatting >become really good friends >try to push for more than friends >shes digging it >Talk every night, she loves literally everything I love >Except 5sos, that was a bit cringey >plan a date, Pokemon and Smoothie King >Ask for a playlist we should set up >"OMG ANON, SOMEBODY ELSE BY THE 1975" >Waste what little of my money I have buying songs she reccomends >Date is less than a week away, super pumped >But there's something I need to tell her >Talk to her, tell her Im a few years younger than her > "Woah anon, you look way older than you are..." >"But I don't date guys younger than me" > heart shatters, time freezes. > get friendzoned, but stay just friends because I know it makes her happy > a few days go by, still making up small talk >get drunk one night, pour my heart out to her >the next day, shes pissy > "I dont think we should be friends anymore" > Say I understand > I was lying > I ask about our "date" > she says she's going on a date with someone else. > Blocks me off snapchat, deletes my number, ignores my texts > a few days later, scrolling through my phone > click on music > sees Somebody Else - the 1975 > plays it on repeat I cant stop listening to it, /b. I dont even know what to do with myself.
>>696413904 Well there's truth in that. Three years later and I still never confronted him about it, I was afraid. I have no proof of cheating. When he left I told him if he didn't anything while he was gone all I asked that is I never knew about it, I don't want the burden of knowledge. He knows very well how much it would hurt me, I just don't know if he cares. I guess it's my own fault, I married a guy who I knew would hurt me over and over again. I honestly don't see a good end to this for me... He is mean spirited, doesn't acknowledge any emotion that isn't his, and says the things that hurt the most.
I'm currently wondering if I should tell my friend that I have been in love with her for the last few months now. We have some common friends, which is one of the reasons I don't want to tell her. Destroying the friendship for this reason just sounds fucking idiotic.
She held a birthday party last weekend, where I really wanted to tell her this. Worst thing is that I can't read her signals to find out. Sometimes she does things which indicates taht she likes me back, other times I'm not so sure. Either I'm downplaying a lot of things, or I'm reading to much into it.
I have never been in a relationship before, so I don't know how to start one. Never really been in the business of proclaiming my affectionfor others either. I have no fucking idea how to proceed, can any of you offer advice?
>>696414892 The thing about signals is, we ignore the ones we don't want to notice. But we are also kind of aware that we're doing it, but just not believing it. So tell me, anon, were there any "negative" signals that you chose to dismiss?
>>696414750 Well... um I always question people like you. How can you be attracted,like and love people like this But then I figured. What you know best is being hurt,that's why you keep on with that path Again I might be wrong. But in order to get a good end you need to let yourself change.
>>696414286 I feel you man. I'm just torn with what to do. I mean she didn't just accidentally do this, she must have had a very good reason for it. Note that this is a good church-going girl (well woman I guess now), definitely not the type to get really pissy and stuff. At least not how I knew her.
So I'm torn because I know she had a good reason and maybe it's better for her this way. Yet I definitely am not better this way, not without closure. I don't want to bug her but I want closure and I'm not sure how to go about it. Of course, it's entirely possible that she's running away from her own inner demons and just talking about it would be the best thing for her, more than what she's doing wrong.
Or maybe it's all just a huge misunderstanding and we'll laugh about it a year from now. Thanks for talking though. I've kept telling myself that I won't visit until this is sorted out but maybe I need to visit in order to sort it out.
>>696415224 He's the only person I've ever been with in my life, I don't know anything else. I guess it's just a stubborn loyalty, some thought that he'll change someday. Maybe when he gets back he'll be different, I keep hoping that seven months away has changed him but I don't know... I don't think you're wrong. I think if I up and left as soon as he got mean again it would be my good end, but I know I can't do that. Just not strong enough, All I hope is that even though he looks other places for sex he still has some sort of care for me..
>>696389196 Dont fucking leave us dude, we're a family here, losing you would be like losing a sibling. It will get better, my mom was like that a few years ago and she managed to turn the page, head up my dude, your /b/ros are here for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADP65wbBUpc
>>696413057 i can confirm this. even though ive been falling behind a bit with the gym. havent worked out in about 2 weeks cause my friend and i go together and he was busy. but im dying to go again. collecting the willpower to go alone.
>>696414901 >>696415072 >Shit I got dubs Um,It's nothing special really, just fell inlove with someone from a different country over the internet, got a few panicing moments and screwed shit up. I can tell you this, from being closed emotion-wise (not feeling anything) I felt alot of thing I only heard but never believed. I always thought I won't need love and she made me believe I do. She knew I was inlove with her but she only liked me,said she couldn't go further because it's the internet At the end I changed. I was someone else then who she met,but I guess that what love does to me. I ended up telling her we can stay friends, she didn't talk to me since then, (its been 9 days) AMA mates,all open,and I can greentext the story if anyone want to. all of it was around 4 months
I have actually thought about that a lot. But I can't really recall any "negative" signals. I kinda wish I would find any though. Would make it much easier to absolutely convince myself that she's not into me.
I feel very relieved. The last 6 months i was feeling down and broke down when I went to shower. Then last week I finally realized draining myself like that won't help and it's not worth it. After some thinking and realizing that existence is kind of pointless (cringy but helped me move forward) and that I've got more than enough to be happy I'm feeling alright, I used to visit feel threads just to pour out my feelings and felt unimaginably sad most of the time. Now I'm feeling meh most of the time. Life isn't fair and there's nothing I can or want to do about it so might as well just chill out and mind my own business.
>>696416135 i am but dude. the >perhaps the heaviest things we lift are not weights, but our feels. If that's true, then show us how much feels you carry. thing made me almost tear up :P i love this website
Fuck I hate living alone. I planned on moving out, finding someone, and getting a job. I work at a grocery store and can barely pay for the shit I need. I've tried bars, pizza places, parks, and even online. No one wants me. I think I might move back in with my parents. This isn't at all what I was thinking would happen.
>>696387381 >21 >balding like shit >probably never gonna have a relationship >looking at tinder thread makes me wanna throw up >thinking about the fact i could look decent with hair makes me wanna die >i need to work out and stay fit just to look below average >got to the point where i dont want to leave the house >mood swings >suicidal thoughts
>be me >19 >go to college and take classes >live with wealthy mom and dad >see all friends having fun and living life >get invited to shit all the time >parents won't let me go because "much purity" >Want to move out but they told me if I do thy wont pay for my college and future university classes, and will disown me from the family and from their will >I work hard with no reward in classes >never have made a bad grade yet >Parents won't let me work, leave the house, have a phone, talk with friends, etc >won't get me a car so my mom drives me everyday >I play vidya to get human interaction and act like I'm still relevant when I'm not >tfw I want to hang out with friends and live my life but can't >never get invited to things anymore and am ignored because I never come
>>696394639 According to Greek myth; man was created with four legs four arms, and a two-faced head. However the gods feared their creation would be too powerful so they split it in two. Destined to always be searching for their other half.
>>696417034 Well you ain't gonna change with shit attitude like this. Believe in yourself for fuck sake. I know I'm just some guy from the internet but even if I don't know you I want for your best,I don't even know why. So,you already had your idea. Do that. For yourself, because doing shit for everyone else is kind of what you're doing right now.
>>696417563 I don't think you understand how frightening that is. If I leave what do I have? I have no friends, my family lives thousands of miles away... I live for other people because I don't give a damn about myself anymore.
>>696417221 always had issues but its not about my hair. its about the consequences of losing my hair. everytime i look at a girl or any social interaction i know i never gonna experience this. i have no confidence without hair and when i look at the mirror i feel like its a different person. i know people struggling with bigger problems but still i cant even leave the house without benzos and even if i do its in the night.
Im extremely depressed hardly anyone knows just a few friends, i got diagnosed with depression by a doctor so wore the mask of happiness for everyone until they stopped treating me like a freak, doc gave me anti deppresants never took them wore the happy mask parents thought i wasnt depressed anymore, still madly depressed dont know whats wrong, i wonder if anti deppresants wouldve or will actually help but i dont know what to do so i just sit and do nothing, advice?
>>696417799 >>696417862 You're right. I have no idea. But lets over check your life with him right now. You're still together,and you claim you love him. from what I read here he's a prick. If he still loves you,I don't think a small conversation will make everything worse. I don't know how he expresses love, but I was raised knowing love means doing everything to keep the relationship the best it could ever be. Just,talk to him about his treatment to you as a starter. Now I assume yelling will show up, so if you think you're ready for this,if not,let me think of something else.
>>696417873 I and a friend befriended their group about a year ago. Right after I left home for uni, and coincidentally she was placed in the military just some hours away. We don't really have the opportunity to see each other that often, other than the special occation she's in town or we're both home.
I was one of four guys that was invited to her birthday, the other ones being childhood friends of her and my friend. There has never been any sexual contact between us.
I feel bad, thinking that half the creators on these 'baww' pictures have killed themselves, while the other half found themselves in creativity and got better. Since that means that they have hundreds of people viewing their pictures and relating to them, even though they can no longer relate back.
>>696418728 I will try anon, I really appreciate it. He's been away for a while, I don't know what it'll be like when he gets back... Maybe it will be better. If it's not I'll do my best to have a conversation, a lot of this is my own fault for being in a shell about the way he treats me. I have a hard time talking about things that upset me without immediate tears, and I don't want him to think I'm trying to use that as a weapon. I can't really handle yelling... I've never been the one to initiate conflict so I don't know what will happen. He isn't all bad, he can be sweet and incredibly romantic. A lot of it is my own fault for feeling so slighted and not saying anything about it.
>>696419380 Why do you blame yourself so much though? Some is your fault,Some is his,Some things just happen. It's not like you ruined EVERYTHING just because you're afraid. If that was the case then you wouldn't be a ble to change. But you can. Shit Some people have it worse with people who beat them
My problem is that I dont have any feelings anymore, I dont feel love, hate, basically anything, everything seems so pointless. They call it depression I guess. The worst part of it all is that its terribly boring, the boredom is killing you deep inside. Waiting for the day that emotions will come back to me, hopefuly it will happen soon. Im in that state for like 3 months, it all started becouse Ive keep disappointing on people, my ex-gf, parents and friends. My feelings were crushed by several persons very heavly and thus Ive cant deal with them Ive just close. Any similar experience, will I get better?
>>696419777 Mmmm that's a big old negative despite those nice trips. >>696419803 I guess it's just a self loathing nature. I blame myself for a lot of things, a lot of things are my fault because in the nearly six years I've been with him I've never really revealed the issues that I have with myself. Which leads to issues with sex, because I hate the way I look, and issues with the relationship because I see nothing worth caring for in myself. I almost wish he would hit me sometimes, it would be so much better than the emotional shit. Every time we have a problem he doesn't talk to me, every time he just threatens divorce because he knows I don't want to lose him. I don't think he really means it.
>>696419343 We talk once in a while. Like once every month or so. We talk more when we're at our homes though. She didn't really get to communicate that often after she broke her phone in the military (I've actually gotten this confirmed, so I know it'snot a lie to get me away). After she got a new one, we've gotten more contact again.
What kind of level our friendship is at? Don't really know what to answer to that
>>696420321 So you're messed up. On some level everyone is. You're just a human being,right? In the end all of this self loathing is knowingly fucking shit up,and you don't really have a big reason to have this feeling. Fear=disapointment=self hating. but I guess you knew that already. Hell if a child figured it out then the person living it must know. now you need to eliminate the fear,but I can't help you with that. Again you probably knew that already but maybe hearing it from someone else helps
>>696419884 I'm going day to day living life and even when I went on a vacation with my family I was bored. I thought about my death months earlier and in that moment when I got a cold sweat and wanted to run I couldn't escape the feeling, I couldn't stop thinking. That feeling in your gut when you get scared of death or the collapse of the universe or the idea that time and this universe must end is something that I've been living with for six months and I'm bored of it. Even when I laugh I have that feeling in my gut and gnawing at the back of my mind taking its toll on my sleep and turning dreams into boring old nightmares. I know that it isn't entirely just depression but, I feel like depression or anxiety are the only way to diagnose it. Things will get worse unless you stop thinking. Just stop thinking because you don't want to end up like me. I dedicated years to researching time and space; my fear of death coupled with my knowledge is slowly killing me. Don't think anymore.
>>696421193 I guess it is just part of being human. I wish I could just allow vulnerability, but I don't know how. I want him to know that I need him, and that the things he says hurts me. I just don't know how to, it's easy to portend to be happy so that's what I do. I'm afraid to show my true self because it doesn't seem like something worth caring about. It does help a lot, I can't say for sure that I'll actually do these things when he gets home but I'm going to try. Maybe I'll just allow the tears and say what I actually feel. The worst part is right now even though I know he's a dick, and he makes me feel like shit, I miss him so much it hurts.
my friends are starting to act weird. they've been pulling borderline suicide watch shit, I never mentioned any intent or even mentioned my wrecked state. i guess i haven't hid it as well as i thought. maybe they just know me really well, 15+ years for some of them. i laugh it off, make a stupid joke. but honestly i'm there, i don't know if i'll do it. sometimes i hope i snap out of it and quit thinking crazy like that. the rest of the time is an internal conversation explaining that at this point i'm just waiting until it happens. i think i'm done with friends, it's uncomfortable that they know i'm not happy. i just want to drink and see things differently for a bit, that's all. even at my best it'd be okay if i was just gone. i guess it's not so bad, i have a problem and a solution, it's just not ideal.
I have to get some of these things off my chest. Im 16, dont care if banned. I have no friends, used to but they just forgot about me. Never calling me, always hear about them doing something through someone else. Im never invited anywhere. I have been in all summer now,probably been outside 2 times. I get nervous when im with people and i dont talk to anyone i just sit back ans hope nobody starts mentioning me, which i dont even have to worry about because 90% of the time im just being ignored. Im also failing at school, I can only blame myself for being so lazy. I just cant help it i have no idea what i will do in the future and often think about suicide because of this. But i wont do it because i still have family and i couldnt do it to them. I have NOBODY to talk to about all this and tell this so i came here, hope you understand. Also im finnish so my english isnt perfect so dont mind that.
>>696421159 not a lot seems to be going on. Not necessarily a bad thing. If you get too friendly she might just see you as just that - a friend.
Best thing to do always is just go for it. Don't tell her you're in love with her, just tell her you're interested/like her. That means if she rejects you, you'll still be able to be cool around your friends and shit. Doing something is always better than doing nothing and then wondering what could've been. Just say fuck it and see where it leads. Even if something bad happens, you still can learn something from it. You always can. But i reckon you have a decent chance of not getting rejected. Gl m8
>>696421915 It's so sad how I thought married couples need to share every feeling,finding out most lie to each other didn't surprise me though. You don't know how to tell the truth,or you don't know how to make yourself to do so? because there's a difference. pretending helps if you want to hide. I guess you don't anymore,so stop pretending. when he comes home,just don't think about what will happen and do it. I never dealt with such a thing so again, I can't promise anything,but at least you will stop lying to yourself and him. Emotions are a part of the human nature, no reason to be afraid of them, and vulnerability is not something you should be afraid of from your husband, at least that's what I think.
>>696422330 Thank you so much for the help! I feel like I just can't be objective about things about her, so it's really difficult to see what way to go. I think I'll might talk to my friend, and see what he recons first. Or maybe I'll just follow your advice outright. Just know I really appreciate your advice
>>696423124 I feel an obligation to for some reason. I self harmed for a long time and told him about three years in, and he passed it off as a joke. I didn't let him know how serious it was, or that I still struggle with it. I know what the truth is, but i don't want to let myself be vulnerable enough to tell the truth a lot of the time. I don't want him to come home to a different person, but I know I've changed a lot in the last few months. I've gained my own sense of identity, my own likes and dislikes that I didn't have before. Which is leagues more than a dealt with before, I think I'm stronger now. Maybe strong enough to make myself understood. I don't know if you believe in astrology, but I am a cancer and the general idea that we are in a shell and afraid to show emotion and our inner selves is very true for me. But I want him to know me and the inner parts, I think I will be strong enough to show that when he comes home. Thank you very much anon, I appreciate you
>>696423797 Another thing that I kind of already said, but didn't explain well enough is that you shouldn't tell her you're in love with her. What I mean by that is that you should act less or as enthusiastic as she is about the whole relationship, because remember, the one that is less attached has all the power. Even though you may be the one that isn't less attached, try to act like it. Don't be too clingy, don't always comply with everything she says/does. Be yourself, be funny, tease her a bit, but also don't make it seem that you don't like her. Hope all of this helps.
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